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i have been on the phone for so long trying to encapsulate the sensations from witnessing the sea for the first time the impossible openness the bar tray lifted edges of earth the patterns on the shore the holes the spirals the lines the leaf vertices the pulsating bloated sand under the impact of your feet the umbra of instantaneous dryness the shifting of the sand under your feet with each aquaplaning wave embracing your ankles my colleagues were surprised to know this was my first time at the beach my elder coworker told me Heartbreak Means The Sound Of Ocean i understood the streamlined wind through the alleyway caught me off guard i could not look up and stare at whats at the end of the steep walls i was like a new bride being walked to the pulpit shy and thrilled beyond senses i went really far into the waves considering it was my first time it was irresistible the mauling from the chain of waves was immaculate it was like being in love for the first time like a kitchen sink being thrown at yourself in love nape deep in seawater i said to one of the boys i never expected to come this far in here he says Nobody Does we wrestled and the only thing i could think of was Wow This Salt they capsized me in a team and baptized me in the waves it was the closest i had come to feel the sensation of death in my body the yellowness the blueness the blur the scintillating sun like a cream on the top and the ticking of the clock and the freight train thoughts This Is Drowning This Is Death From Drowning This Is How People Die From Drowning This Is How It Feels Salt Sand More Salt No Money No Romance No Medals No Sex No Dances No Walks Outside No Freedom Just A Last Gulp & A Torturous Severance but that is when i got pulled up to the air i lost my hotel keys in the ocean i was like you mischievous woman why did you take my keys with You this was my first time with You i pondered for a while by the sand smoked a cigarette drank a beer a dug a well and buried my foot into the sand it was like making love i was filthy my boxers were like a sand water pitcher my mouth tasted like a witchs cauldron my SPF was gone and i sat there scalding my back feeling strange aches across my entire build the ocean is a Crazed Out Loving Woman so hard to understand so hard to understand i had so much to speak but i have so less to comprehend.

by foundation i have always been an envious person but a change of air happened last night when i treated one of my good rebellious colleagues to cigarettes and he came along with his girlfriend who i have seen on the floor multiple times amazingly cool gal i have seen them together working on computers being up close and smitten sometimes humiliating each other with all the playfulness other times in argument and each time i assessed them to be sibling creatures from optics from behavior i always trust my extremely precise & accurate assumptions they came along with me last night and we all smoked he speaks a lot and taunts and brags and she is equally as quiet and calculated they tangled fingers on the way back and kissed in front me and laughed at each other and i was so shy at the sudden unexpected sight of it i walked away a little bit it was like someone dropping a pipe bomb into my bubble bath from the roof he called me out and said i should accompany her Escort Her In My Knight in vernacular we all laughed i could not speak a word to her on the way back my face grinned on the inside i was the happiest man in the world for some reason and i was over the world to be wrong about them the first time i have been this happy or genuinely happy at all to see two people in love two people who should be in love truly the biggest cuck for a beautiful world i am.

i let your romance slice me open i let my hotness for you burn through i let your sexyness serpentine throughout my hiphop music i let your romance push me up in the gymnasium i let your romance enroll me into ballet classes.

woke up after sleeping for 13 Hours on my first week offs in 11 days had the most absolutely beautiful dream ever jumped off the bed went outside for a cigarette listened to Mulholland Drive Love Them & DLP 1.1 by William Basinski for as long as i could and watched the sun come up on my face and instantly hid inside lay in bed with three Biscoffs marinating in the dream residues.

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i love quiet but sometimes i love the sound of conversation outside the room for the first time in several years two of my uncles and my father are standing together in the house the middle child looks like he used to 10 years ago unshaved long hair shirt and pants folded up folded up because they are trying to catch a snake in the store they have brought a drunken man to do the job its Jerome K Jerome in the house right now but at least its beautiful apparently they are going to pay the drunkie with our old computer i hope they keep the snake alive death is a horrible thing i believe they are going to call my dads gangster friend over now i have been thinking lately i always wanted to play an antagonist Clayface or Iago from Othello or Alaudin Khilji etcetera etcetera second thought i wonder if Lil Wayne dreamt of being a rockstar at one point of his life maybe an ardent childhood dream maybe the reason why some of his rawest songs are delivered over an electric guitar or maybe its just a disability to see reason in everything maybe some things just are anyways been thinking too much about Corcovado Girl until last Tuesday but letting it linger away wash away from me bathwater on body not my kind of ride is what i would say ordering Panoxyl & Urea Magnesium B12 The Monk by Matthew Gregory Lewis Polypropylene Case Camel Golds Gold Gold Goldie Sigh anyways i says anyways Soham Bouncing Now.