Nikko

SPOILER WARNING!!! THIS BASICALLY SPOILS THE ENTIRE THING!!! BE CAREFUL!!11!

Anyways,

Let's analyze Nikolai!! Because, despite not having a lot of manga time(?), he still is an incredibly well-written character.

From the first time we see Nikolai (when he ambushes Atsushi), we see that Nikolai almost has two versions of himself: one for his “clown” self and the other for his “sane” self. For his clown self, where he jokes around and seems crazy, he has the card covering his eyes, and when he's sincere, we see him removing it. We see this first when Atsushi asks him his reason for committing such violent murder against innocent people. With the card covering his eye, his first answer is that it’s because he’s a psychopathic sadist who enjoys killing. Later, though, he says that this is a repeated answer for most of his victims, so they feel better when dying. His second, or "real" answer, is that despite feeling guilt like any normal person, what he truly desires is “freedom”, akin to that given to a bird that’s able to fly without any bounds. 

--> First response he "gives to victims" in his "insane version"

--> Second, "real" response he gives while admiting that he isn't just some crazy random psychopath

Although he deflects very quickly by saying that Atsushi wouldn’t understand him, the important part about this reveal is that Nikolai keeps two versions of himself. This means that he acts crazy and all that, WHILE simultaneously understanding that he feels guilt and is constrained by morality, just like any human.

He later also says that morality is something that brainwashes him, and that rather than being confined by it, he’d like to set his soul "free" instead (by dying to the chainsaw thing). What this essentially conveys about his character is that to him, being bound by sentimental, humane things like guilt or morality is the same as being trapped, and that he wants out of it.

This makes it very likely that every act Nikolai does is to release himself from his “morality”, aka what holds him inside the bird cage. He wishes to be a bird, flying against gravity, and to be a bird, you need to be able to ignore something as fundamental as gravity (not scientifically, but uh- you get the point). To him, the “fundamental” thing (gravity) is morality. It’s nurtured into you ever since birth, so to him, what he’s been taught inside his brain is what’s trapping him. To be free, he wishes to get rid of these thoughts. This is likely why he covers his eyes and puts on the insane, clown facade. By acting as though he doesn’t care about his victims and by acting as though he is naturally crazy with no remorse or humanity, Nikolai can “seek freedom” and get closer to the type of person he wants to be. He wishes to be ruthless and not be bound by things like sentimentality that make him human. What bothers him, though, is that even as he pretends to have any morality, he’ll always be human under that card. He knows that no matter how much he may tell himself that he isn’t bound by morality, he still is an unmistakable human who feels guilt and has a conscience (as shown through his honesty in the conversation with Atsushi). This is proven in so many moments.

--> Nikolai when talking to Dazai about himself after Fyodor "death"

This line probably proves this the most and shows the most about Nikolai’s motive. As we know, Nikolai is undeniably a bad person (he’s literally a terrorist 😭). And yet from the conversation he had with Atsushi, we know that he does all of these, despite KNOWING that it is wrong, despite feeling guilt all the same. In fact, he commits these heinous acts BECAUSE he knows all of this is wrong a little too well. By talking about birds, and being free from his bird cage, we already understand that his goal is to prove that there is free will in which he can go against morality and seek true freedom, not bound by such things like his conscience that binds him to humanity. But what’s important is that this philosophy is what guides him through literally every single one of his endeavors. This means that even after feeling guilt, even after causing himself emotional damage and KNOWING he’s uncomfortable, Nikolai is willing to continue because it makes him feel guilty. Living to prove you aren’t bound by humane features is only possible by going against it, and to do this, he does what makes him the most comfortable under his facade, because that’s what proves he can truly go against morality. This is basically what he does with Fyodor as well, and what he means by “fight to lose myself”. (Basically, he does whatever he doesn't want to, because he thinks that doing that proves his freedom from his own consciousness, which is his jail)

Now! Let's talk about his whole thing with Fyodor. The whole reason Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor is not because of some deep-rooted hatred he has for Fyodor (unlike Sigma, who wants to get back at his manipulator); Nikolai wants to kill Fyodor as proof that he can break out of the bounds of morality and consciousness. If he can kill even the only person he genuinely cares for and is understood by, then he can finally prove that free will unencumbered by humane things like morality and conscience can exist. By killing a friend, Nikolai wants to prove that he can and *will*become a free bird, not bound by moral things that trap him into being a human. That’s why Nikolai is so serious about killing Fyodor: not because he just wants to, but because it’s a way for him to prove and, in a way, earn his freedom.

--> Nikolai convincing Sigma to help him kill Fyodor

--> Nikolai to the politician pt.1

--> Nikolai to the politician pt.2

And this is also a really important part in how he views the world and what he thinks of himself. What he says here is basically that he's a little too painfully aware of his own confinement (within morality) and the fact that he is undoubtedly human, even though he would do anything to be free from that. When he says he "envies" the politician, he means that he envies how *blissfully unaware* the politician is about his own confinement. Nikolai knows that he is too human to escape his "bird cage", and the fact that he has to be aware of it pains him to the point where he envies others that hasn't yet thought about this. This is also why Fyodor is so important to him, because 1) Nikolai knows that his views and self-awareness is not common and 2) the only one who understood this without thinking that Nikolai was a crazy buffoon was Fyodor (likley because Fyodor is also self-aware due to his intelligence).

The most unfortunate and the most important thing is that his need to prove he is free itself is the EXACT proof that he isn’t. And Nikolai's is painfully aware of this. This is why his whole self-awareness bit came in

But let's get back to Nikolai's whole "kill Fyodor thing" and how it fails. After Dazai makes the zombie helicopter driver kill Fyodor via helicopter crash, we once again see Nikolai failing to prove his "free will". After Fyodor's death, Nikolai knows that yes, he did want Fyodor to die, and by having seen his "best friend" die, he is able to, in a way, escape the bird cage, but deep inside, Nikolai also knows that he isn't all that happy about Fyodor's death. This is where, despite wanting Fyodor to die at his hands to prove that he is above the mere constraints of morality and sentimentality, he knows that the real version of him (the "human" and "sane" side of him) will miss the only person who's ever understood him. Though he forces himself to think otherwise, that he did want Fyodor to be gone, Nikolai still remains painfully aware of the fact that even after all that, he still is unmistakably human. 

--> Conflict because despite knowing that he wanted Fyodor to die to prove that he is free from being bound by affection and all, he still knows that deep inside, he isn't 100% free from it.

Perhaps this is why, at the end, when Nikolai seems to be grieving Fyodor’s death, he hesitates to celebrate and seems almost mournful even though he wants to feel happy and declare his newfound freedom. (“Now all I want is just…”). This is likely because through Fyodor's "satisfying" but not actually so satisfying death, he realized that whatever he does, he still cannot shake his humanity. He can wear that card on his eye, kill while manically laughing, see his one and only best friend die, and pretend to be a lunatic clown; he still cannot escape the deeper part of his brain that whispers his humanity. The hollowness/grief Nikolai feels when seeing Fyodor’s “dead” hand is not lost in how he laments about the result (“Look what’s happened”). That line likely refers to his dissatisfaction, since even after all that, he STILL has not been able to shake off his humanity, and on top of that, lost his one and only friend. 

--> Nikolai, seeing Fyodor's dead hand (we see him lamenting about his death and he seems hollow after seeing what's come out of his "best friend")

(It's a little bit of a theory but for specifically this scene, maybe all he wants next/what he was going to say is that he'd like to have Fyodor back again and for himself to forget he ever wanted "freedom", because he understands that he can't really find freedom against his sentimentality and emotions (things that make him human) and because he's lost his "best friend" despite not having proved anything about his free will and all that)

HIIII!!! I'm super new to tumblr and I dont know what im doing

I hope you guys don't bite 🥹

I'm also a huge ruscan shipper. They consume me

Sorry artstyles changed since i took a few weeks break cuz of art school, doing fine arts took a toll on me lmao

Lazy lazy lazy Ruspru thing with lyrics from a thing. All of this was drawn on magma,,