warnings: panic attacks, frustration
genre: angst, fluff at the end
i don’t know what i’m doing with my life. please send some asks or request if you have one. :] also, if i have forgotten to put something on the warnings or add something to it that would be a potential trigger, please message me asap so i can include it, thank you.
summary: you had a wonderful day, or so you thought. so, why do you suddenly feel like something is wrong?
it was a good day. at least y/n thought it was.
everything is fine. you thought to yourself, trying to trace the cause of the looming emptiness that seems to slowly wrap around you.
you were able to meet up with her friends and have lunch with them. you enjoyed going to the karaoke bars and sang your heart out to every single song you chose.
so, why does it feel like something is wrong?
the moment you entered your apartment, you began feeling heavy. as if the world is on your shoulders. you tried to understand why, tried to pinpoint the cause but came up short. this has caused you more stress.
everything is going well, right?
you constantly asked yourself, as if repeating the same question over and over in your head would magically make the answer appear in front of you.
instead, you walked to your bedroom, your bag haphazardly discarded on your way in. the room felt small.
and it continued to grow smaller. to the outside world, it didn’t change. but, to you, it sure felt like it is. you weakly closed the bedroom door behind you, before leaning and slumping behind it, leaving you a crumpled mess on the floor.
you can tell the signs. you’re way too familiar with it now. it’s like a domino effect — your surroundings get smaller and smaller until it manifests itself in your breathing pattern. you didn’t notice how the tears fell continuously from your cheeks, or how your body shook, wracked in sobs. the only thing you registered is that, your chest feels tight. like, there’s someone crushing you or the lump in your throat that refused to go away.
chan, you need to call chan. you need chan. anybody. somebody you trust. someone to breathe life into you. you wanted to pick up your phone so bad, but you remembered how you threw away the purse the moment you got home. your breathing grew more labored, your head hurting, spinning from the lack of air.
breathe in and out for me, count with me, baby. listen to my heart. focus.
you tried to recall chan’s voice in your head, picturing him in front of you as he consoled you and guide you through your attacks. but, it only worked for a while. soon, you started to gently pull at your hair, hoping the gentle tugging would bring you the peace you desperately craves.
in your struggle, you failed to hear the sounds of knob turning nor did you hear chan’s call from the living room.
chan surveyed the room, he saw your shoes by the door. she should be here. he thought.
but, she’s not anywhere. putting down his bag by the sofa, he casually walked around the room in search of you. spotting your purse on the floor, his brows creased. he knew it’s unlike y/n to leave things on the floor. you like to keep things tidy.
it only took a few seconds until chan realized that someone appears to be crying in their shared bedroom. the sound was enough to make the alarm bells in his head ring. he knew it was you, and he knew you needed him.
chan knocked on the door, calling out, “y/n?”
the only reply he got were the sounds of her choked sobs.
opening the door, he thanked the heavens that she didn’t lock it. however, the sight before him broke his heart.
you’re hugging your legs to your chest as your nails dug into your skin, you’re shaking as your tears continuously fall.
rushing to your side, chan quickly tried to calm you down.
“breathe, baby. count with me, okay?” he gently took your hand and placed it on his chest. you felt the instant relief that comes from hearing chan’s voice. “chan…” you whispered breathlessly, still trying to catch your breath. “yes, it’s me baby, please don’t talk. focus on my breathing, okay?”you weakly nodded at him, your eyes glazing from slight disorientation. “that’s it, bub. breathe. in… out. i’m here,” he felt her drop her head in his shoulders. he knew that your breathing is easing up based on the rise and fall of your chest. but, chan knew you’re not completely okay just yet.
“i have you, okay? i’m here,” he kissed the side of your head as he continued to rub your back. his touch felt calming to you, and slowly you feel the invisible band that grips your lungs slowly ease.
“i got you,” he whispered again.
you feel your breathing slowly stabilize, your shoulders easing. but, your body felt weak, as exhaustion sets in. “i’m sorry,” you groggily whispered to chan.
“it’s okay. there’s nothing to be sorry about. i understand, love,” he replied in equally hushed tone. he picked you up bridal style, placed you on the bed and proceeds to changing your clothes to your pajamas before doing the same for himself as fast as he can, not wanting to be away from you too long.
chan crawled into the bed with you, slipping his arms beneath your head. softly patting your hair, chan continued his ministrations— his fingers going through your hair, gently massaging the scalp. he usually would ask if you want to talk about it, but based on how your head lulled, he knew you’re exhausted from what just transpired.
“sleep, baby, i’ll be here in the morning,” his voiced slowly faded in hearing. but before you fall asleep, you tightened your hold in chan’s waist and whispered your thank you.
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