No Risk, No Glory

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub

“Hear me out” and it’s the most conventionally attractive alien father figure you’ve ever seen

honey he has a fish for a head

So what, all of a sudden mermaids aren't hot?

One time I was working as a waiter at a burger joint where the fries were tossed in salt and coriander and as I was bringing food over to the table for these two huge beefy guys one of them asks what the green stuff is so I go "it's coriander" and his friend goes very seriously "he can't have coriander" and I'm thinking shit ok maybe he's allergic and guy 1 starts pulling up his sleeve to show me something and I'm thinking shit shit shit he's probably breaking out in hives rn and it's my fault but he just shows me his arm and he has this huge cursive font tattoo that just says "I fucking hate coriander"

there is beauty, and then there is the unearthly phenomenon that is Elijah Wood in The Lord of the Rings

I miss working at the sex store people would really walk up to me and say shit like "I need help making my wife cum" and I'd be like yeah. I know just the thing brother

can someone tag molly

molly you have to see this one

why is vegeta scared of peanut

Miles Edgeworth is the world's FAKEST idgafer EVER. That man gives SO much of a fuck he heard Phoenix fell through a bridge and got right tf out of bed at balls o'clock in the morning and immediately boarded a private jet and only to find out Phoenix was mostly fine. He's got this cold and calculating demeanor but he's obsessed with a children's TV show. I love him so much. He acts like he dgaf but he DOES he SO does.

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

It just shifted to spanking your puppy’s ass, to make them take that thick knot. Like the good little play thing they are.

i don't really think it's like that at all