It's nice being on your own in a brand new city,
Well, it’s nice to hear that you haven’t gone all Hollywood on me. *Smiles* Besides, I don’t think if you changed it’d be for the better. I always had a soft spot for ‘plain old average’ Charlie, truth be told he wasn’t ‘plain old average’ at all. I’d assume so. Though, I’d like to believe I left the self deprecating angst-y years behind me. I guess you can still call me Sherlock, as I don’t think my deductive reasoning skills will ever disappear. As far as The Little Mermaid, I guess I stopped wishing for legs when things with the prince didn’t go quiet as planned. Surprisingly, life wasn’t as bad as it seemed under the sea. *laughs lightly and shrugs.* I think the world would be much better off without my incoherent ramblings. Taking things one step at a time is completely overrated anyway. Besides, I don’t recall you tripping over your words that much. If I remember correctly, you always seemed to know just what to say.
I know it doesn’t feel that way, but I promise you this is real. I’ll walk by again as long as you promise not to faint. All things considered, your first glance will probably be more realistic than your second one. Doubt isn’t really a friend of reality, now is it? *sighs and shakes her head* Or you feel like you’ll never be as close to them as you are in this instance, despite the obvious distance between the two of you. It’s astonishing really. Building is fine, but to build you have to open up and go over those agonizing feelings that you blocked out. And despite how much you want to reach out, it’s really frightening to put yourself back there. I guess I’m not as strong as you all thought.
I know. You have no idea how bad I felt about disappearing on you guys like that. (There’s so much that I dreamed of saying to you, given the chance, but now I seem to be at a lost. What do you do when ‘I’m sorry’ won’t seem to cut it?) I’m glad to hear that. I knew you’d make it alright without me, but it didn’t stop me from worrying about you…and everyone else, of course. A computing degree, huh? That’s great Charlie, really. I’m glad you’ve seemed to find something you’re passionate about. Oh, don’t worry it is. *Smiles* A refresher course wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. ’The basics of everything Charlie Fitzroy’, does have a nice ring to it, don’t you think? *Her smile fades as she bites her lip* Well, I…. *nods* a drink seems like a perfect place to start. I’m still unpacking, but I can take a break if you’d want to catch up later today.Â
Nah not me, never! Not until my agent comes through with my big break...well, not until I get an agent. *laughs* I er, I'm happy to hear you say that Av because seriously, I don't plan on changing any time soon. I quite, like me, now. And, I think I should tell you, no matter how full-on, and how long it's been and...whatever may have changed between us; that me liking me and being okay now is mostly down to you. I used to say it a lot, I know but there were still so many issues back then and we were so intense, well, we were so in love, weren't we? *smiles wistfully* And I'm not trying to be cliché and say you saved my soul but you did undeniably help me, so much and I owe you a lot. So, thank you. We'll start there but I don't think that covers it (I understand where you're coming from with your sorry, you see? Maybe if we never work out what's enough, we can at least have something, it's better than nothing, right? I couldn't handle nothing again...) I think we all hope that the angst is long gone, now we're clearly mature and responsible adults who you know, always remember to pay their bills on time. *grins* Sherlock it is then, I'm sure I can find some cases to keep you busy if you ever get bored of the ocean floor. The human world's a mess but as I said, you always seemed pretty good at sorting it out to me. *smiles but looks down* Yeah, Disney really fucked us with that happy ending bullshit. Unless we're not really at the end and this is just the overwrought middle chunk of the tale. I'll respectfully disagree. Just because you feel as if you speak too much, doesn't mean you aren't saying exactly what needs to be said. Besides, it is pretty cute too. *smirks* I guess it's all a matter of how we view each other, perception. I felt pretty tongue-tied around you, nearly always but as long as we both heard what needed to be said...I guess we did good between us.
Well, I know I can trust you, even if I can't my own first, second, third so on and so forth, glance. Oh I'll try my hardest, have the smelling salts at the ready just in case. *laughs slightly* This is true enough, can't blame a boy for trying to get another glance though, can you? I know it's not a dream...so, I should stop talking to you like years haven't passed, it's just...It feels the same to me. Even if it isn't...my brain can't keep up, is anyone surprised? *shakes head* We say obvious; but nothing has ever felt so complex to me. Time apart perhaps ends up meaning very little when the gap is at last closed. When you're together in the now. It could be just a matter of how long the now can be made to last. Incredible. No...you're still strong to me. You've at least got some will power, the power of foresight too. You're strong because you're not just jumping into this like a lovesick fool who's not thinking about any of the consequences. You know how much it could hurt and I...I'm just a fool who doesn't care. *rubs temples* You don't have to be scared...We don't have to do this now. Whatever we become, or don't, I'm not letting you out of my sight again. This can wait, I promise. I care about you too much to let those feelings, the prevalent ones and the ones we've concealed, let you slip out of my life again. Whatever happens...I'm here. You're here. It'll be...what it will be. Promise.
I really can only imagine...none of us blame you though. And we didn't at the time. It hurt and...all that fun stuff I don't need to depress you with but we never blamed you. I know it hurt you just as bad. Probably worse than me. At least I had our friends to pull me through. Please tell me you didn't have to deal with it all alone? *meets gaze*Â It wasn't your fault, Av. And there's certainly no reason to beat yourself up about it now, all these years later...Building, not tearing ourselves apart. We've just...got to work out the blueprints of us again, that's all. *smiles* (You don't have to say it at all. Av...it's between the lines of everything else you have said, your sorry is etched all over your face. Like I hope mine is. If you have nothing else to say...I could shamelessly and selfishly ask you to say it to me til you're blue in the face but I'd rather we could say more. When you remember or think of what you want to say, I'm truly all ears. No-one's leaving you, especially not me. I'll...at the risk of sounding like a romance novel, I will wait forever for you. Always will, that's all there is to it. *shrugs* Just keep me posted...) Well, I just tried not to forget everything you told me, you know, that I was a good guy and whatever. Â Worry served as good company for me too, well, the quality of said company is very much up for debate. Yeah, it's good, I get to be a total dork and spend a lot of my free time online and playing video games and somehow this is extra credit? Pretty sweet. *grins* So, assuming you've not just come to L.A. to be blown away by just how much more hot I've got (even I can reign my ego in...sometimes) what do you plan to do whilst you're here? *smiles* I like the sound of that. You can be my star and frankly only pupil. Great, that sounds, yeah. *clears throat nervously* Give me a shout when you're ready and I'll come pick you up. It'll be like old times.Â
