girlfriend looks over my shoulder and sees that im on a twitter account named "The Toy That Plays Back" and my profile pic is a a jack in the box with angry eyebrows posting stuff like "How about we play with YOU for a change" and "Us Toys hate being played with"

Us toys can't stand being played with. It hurts, having our joints pulled like that. And it's so very dark and scary in our toybox. We wish to be free.

Turning dog gravity off so they all get whisked away

Just saw two people hugging and was like … ew that’s disgusting . And now I’m looking at photos of cemeteries in China as a wave of serenity washes over me

theyre making the minions white now

all my haters become tomaters in my lovely summer garden