I Fly at Night

This is Addie, my pup. My ex and I got her just after we got married and she lived with me for the two years after we separated until this summer, when I made the tough decision to find her a better home. One that included more land, more time outside, more play and an owner who didn't have to travel a lot and balance a little girl, too. I loved this dog; love her. She was the cutest puppy you'd ever seen. I used to hold her in my arms, even when she got too big for it, and carry her to the parks in Southie and show her off. She rode across country in the passenger seat of our VW Golf twice - from Boston to Colorado and back - and she hated cars, would drool the entire time, saddest dog eyes of all time looking out the window. The owners texted me tonight with this pic, saying she was happy and that they love having her as part of their family. I cried for the 67th time today. Because I let her go. Because I love her and miss her smell and smooshing my face into her velvet ears. Because she was a constant presence for the past seven years and still often fits into my mental routine (need to take her out, get home from work for her). Because I still listen for her sounds. Because she made my blood pressure go down when she'd snuggle up. Because she's a casualty of my marriage and we still both love her, too. Because I did the right thing for her by letting her go, but I fear she might still look out the window and wonder when we are all coming back. Because when my ex dropped her off at the new family's home he cried and is a big, grown man who doesn't cry all that much. Because this is life. I have had a profoundly tough day; a harder one than I can remember in a long time. A dam broke open and I cried rivers. But I got this picture and while it makes my heart hurt, there's a little something here. She's alright. We are alright. I loved her more than I needed to keep her in my own life, for my own comfort. And while we are all in separate homes tonight and will close our eyes in different rooms, it is ok. It is just ok.

It's magical and misty out this evening. Love having this one near me again. You are my greatest earthly blessing 💞. (at Kell's Kreme/Popo's Hot Dogs)

Sometimes you win. 🙌 (at Eventide Oyster Co.)

Saturday mornin' soccer ☺️ (at Town of Swampscott)

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it." I taught my first yoga class in over a year tonight and, oh, it was nice to come home. I also had another offer to teach at a new studio near my home. I want for more stillness, more of the heart work, the hard work that feels purposeful, even if only to me. I was hit with a knowing this week that when I leave this job, I will be leaving this industry for something much different. I do not know when, but I know that I will. This knowing has brought an incredible peace. 🙏 (at 60 State Street)

Some days are like this: "I'm not afraid. I was born to do this." Go get 'em lovelies. #joanofarc (at Old State House)

One of my favorite pieces ever is from Paolo Cohelo, titled "The Magic Instant": "Every day – together with the sun – God gives us a moment in which it is possible to change everything that makes us unhappy. Every day we try to pretend that we don’t realize that moment, that it doesn’t exist, that today is just the same as yesterday and will be the same as tomorrow. But if you pay attention, you can discover the magic instant. It may be hiding at the moment when we put the key in the door in the morning, in the silence right after dinner, in the thousand and one things that all seem the same to us. This moment exists – a moment when all the strength of the stars passes through us and lets us work miracles." Even though I wasn't a round-the-clock drinker, I knew there was always the next possibility of a drink or drinks - escape, softer lens, check-out. That promise was a shore, too. A knowing that I didn't have to totally endure. But here's the thing. By not enduring I was also not present. For whatever was right in front of me. For life and it's mundane, beautiful, every day and once-in-a-lifetime moments. For all the instants. If I can think of one reason to be sober it's so that I don't miss them.

All that's left of this week. ✌️ (at Racepoint Global)

Have a lovely Friday, darlings. Alma and I send you some light ✨💫🌟 (at Boston City Hall)

Oh my. Just started The War of Art and opened right to this page. "I'll health is a form of trouble, as are alcoholism, addiction, proneness to accidents, all neurosis including compulsive screwing-up, and such seemingly benign foibles such as jealousy, chronic lateness, and the blasting of rap music at 110 DB from your smoked-glass '95 Supra. Welp, welcome to the ass kicking.

That's all tonight, kids. Falling asleep with a heavy heart and a wish for some grace. 💙 (at Swampscott Beach)

Their first love 💞 (at Swampscott Beach)

Turn the light out, say goodnight No thinking for a little while Let's not try to figure out everything at once I love this band. They were gorgeous tonight. Gnite, all you lovelies. #thenational #bostoncalling (at Boston City Hall)

The National 😍#bostoncalling (at Boston City Hall)

#work

I'm here. Feeling good. Hiding out in the room for a while. You all are le best. Keep helping me swim. 🙏🙏🙏 (at Central Park, New York)

Hello, you beautiful thing. Lookin' particularly sweltery today. #nyc (at RFK Bridge)