And Then There Was

I’ve seen this phrase used a number of times in response to outrage over the handling of migrants at the border, i.e. detention camps, putting people in cages and tents, separating children from their families, and so on.

I want to make one thing crystal clear: when you say that, you’re using the language of abusers. It is akin to:

She wouldn’t have been harassed if she didn’t dress like a whore,

If she didn’t want to get raped, she shouldn’t have drank so much,

The other kids wouldn’t pick on him if he weren’t such a pussy,

I wouldn’t have to beat her if she didn’t talk to that other guy,

He wouldn’t have been shot if he didn’t break the law,

If she were more trustworthy, I wouldn’t have to monitor her communication,

If she was keeping his money from him, he should have left the relationship. He needs to own his decisions.

This is called victim blaming. It is abuse.

The truth is that America can enforce its borders without violating human rights and treating other people as subhuman. The federal government, and by that I mean the executive branch and its agencies under President Trump, does not need to execute the law in the way it’s doing. It chooses to do so proactively.

Stop the abuse, stop the language of abuse.

Good day,

1. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them.

2. Be genuine and real in your relationships. Don’t pretend and wear a mask but share your true, authentic self.

3. Note, however, that being genuine doesn’t mean always dumping your garbage on those around you. Be respectful of their needs and feelings too – and recognise that we influence and affect others’ moods. That is, we can choose to either brighten or pollute the atmosphere.

4. Be a great listener. We feel loved and valued when others really listen to us (and demonstrate they’re listening through their nonverbal cues).

5. Don’t try to fix, change and make them into different people. Instead, allow them the freedom to be themselves, as well.

6. Recognise that we don’t have to agree with, or respect, others’ choices in order to have a good relationship with them. A lot of the time, we can simply agree to disagree.