no rest for the wicked.

her heart was about to burst out of her chest – had she just ruined a twenty year old friendship ?  nico is her best friend and that means too much to her for her to lose them for a feeling , but was it just a feeling ?  it was like a wave crashing against her .  she had no time to breathe and settle her mind before it all came crashing into her .  ‘ promise me we’ll be together forever . ‘  she remembers a younger her asking a younger nico , who they looked at with love and happiness  ( the look hasn’t ever changed ) . ‘ i promise riles . ‘  young nico would tell her to settle her nerves .  riley was one to ask tons of questions to have confirmation on things .   no wonder she got eyes rolled at her through out the school years .  it didn’t matter — she would look at nico with glee as she knew they had them . no matter what , right ?  that changes when you confess to them that you love them .  riley felt like they were doing this all out of order .  weren’t they suppose to date , fall in love then , maybe marriage , and then kids ?  now it was different .  all of it .   her mind was spiraling , but what she felt for nico and realized for them hadn’t .  riley just was scared of losing them n what she was .  “ i-i “ she blurts out as she runs her fingers through her hair , her eyes scanning around as she tries to calm down her breathing .  her eyes look at nico – for anything , something to bring her down . nico had always helped her bring her back .  all she had to do was see them.  “ right . “ clearing her throat as she stares into nico’s eyes . love was special .  it was meant to be taken lightly . riley believed you only said it if you truly meant it . you were cruel to lie , so when nico tells her i love you right back . she freezes and pulls her eyes away to look at the floor .  did they just say it back ? riley closes her eyes to wrap it around her brain . nico loved her and not the friendship love , but more then that.  when she looks back up to see them getting closer to her . a nervous smile is given and she’s messing with her nails . “ y-you do ? you love me ? “ she questions , but she knows they mean it .  riley craving more then nothing right now to be more close to them .  she holds her breathe as she looks up to say . “ kiss me , nico . “ 

what a strange upside down world nico was currently living in. one where riley was in front of them, nervously waiting for them to return her feelings. it was enough to fill up the empty sense of dread and worry at the pit of their stomach with warmth. it was too farfetched to be a dream at this point. “ i’ve loved you, i love you, i’ll go on loving you until ... ” the words escaped them, with a pen in their hand they would’ve been able to craft the perfect line but right now there was just a blinking cursor where their brain was meant to be. it was enough to just say that they loved her, but there was probably a reason no one had been able to come up with anything more powerful to say. then just as they were floundering, unsure whether to take another step forward or back, she called them to action. even with it being the same way she told them to cool it on the espresso or stop bracing the new york winters without a jacket, everything had changed. they assumed this time it wouldn’t result in her pulling away, screaming in disgust as she clambered as far away as she could over the hills of their home town. the resulting foot race was one of the main things they had teased riley about over the years, she could barely run to catch the subway without nico popping up to remind her of the day. making a joke of it had been the only way to keep the memory alive, better than forgetting. until today, with a whole new comedy of errors they could see themself laughing about one day - laughing about together. if tommy had ever taught them his bar hopping trick then they would’ve cleared the island in one to get to her but instead they had to practically skid around it, taking riley up in their arms and kissing her the way she deserved it be kissed. their arms wrapped around her saying i’ve got you as their lips dove to hers saying believe me. there, resting in the hand that clasped the side of her head, was all they still had left to say, because it was too much for anyone to hear all at once and they were saying so much more now anyway.

murphy: ok, i have a question

murphy: and plz do not laugh at me...

nico: this is over text

nico: so i can honestly promise i won't tell you i laughed

love n.b  (a rilico playlist)

01. grateful by mahalia I don't want to lie and say that I don't want you 02. water fountain by alec benjamin i know that it's only a wish and that we're not standing by the water fountain   03. your way by rex life raj ft. kehlani i know i’m selfish with my time but for you i step outside myself ‘cause when i look towards the future i don’t see no one else 04. never the right time by janine i could hold you down but it’s never the right time 05. love by kendrick lamar ft. zacari i wanna be with you (just love me) 06. listen by meron addis ft. eli I just wanna be your escape 07. get it together by drake ft black coffee & jorja smith you need me to get that shit together so we can get together 08. strawberry blond by mitski i love everybody because i love you 09. slow burn by kelsey musgraves i’m alright with a slow burn 10. your side by pink sweat$ i ain’t right for you trust me girl i know i gotta burn my feelings up right after this song 11. ready for love (extended) by lucky daye think i’m ready for love 12. it’s you by ali gatie if i’m ever gonna fall in love i know it’s gon’ be you 13. everything has changed by keywest your eyes look like coming home 14. i want you around by snoh aalegra ft. 6lack i fall for you every time i try to resist you 

✧･ﾟ open starter !    

                   alex needed a break from spending time cooped up in her apartment and drawing the same five designs over and over, again. she needed a burst of inspiration, a spark or a muse that’ll bring life to her portfolio. and after contemplating over a lukewar, cup of cold brew, alex finally decided to visit white noise and find a new vinyl to listen to — hearing the same three paramore albums, as much as she loves them, didn’t bring anything new. 

                   paint-chipped fingernails danced over the edges of wrapped-up vinyls, flicking between covers and aimlessly humming to the song echoing throughout the store. “ i know when to go out, i know when to stay in. ” an easy sigh fell from alex’s lips, a grin tugging at the edges as she glanced towards the other standing adjacent from her. “ david bowie really had his shit together, huh. hey- did you find anything worth listening to yet ? ”

risking sacrilege, the most used record on nico’s turntable was a ‘universal’ record that they were able to link to their computer and play any album they wanted. they didn’t imagine any of the purists flicking through the stacks with devoted focus would think much of that. they weren’t any more likely to walk into the peta headquarters with a popeyes chicken sandwich. 

still, they had a little collection of actual records going on - for a little bit of authenticity and a lotta bit of aesthetic. they were already tapping along to the drum line of the song when they realised they were forming an accidental two-man band with alex. they were pretty sure she was making a joke, they let out a laugh either way. “ i’m just in for a replacement, ” they said, holding up mick fleetwood and stevie nicks in all their rumours glory. “ i have a bad habit usually of just going for the first cover that catches my attention, so i’m open to any suggestions. ”

the debut feature film starring @ielnico​​​ !!

days after the august babies’ birthday party, the dust finally feels like it’s settling on all the conflict that took place that night. not just emotionally, but physically too - even robin’s black eye is starting to look more like a light purple, which can actually pass as a pretty decent fashion statement if he styles it right. the one thing that hasn’t gotten totally resolved in robin’s mind is the side-conflict that he got a taste of during the little cigarette break, and he’s fairly determined now to get a follow-up. sure, maybe robin isn’t the best at listening to problems and giving advice, but that’s not his fault. he’s simply a person that’s always been good at dealing with big-picture problems (climate change, systematic racism, political corruption), so when faced with smaller issues (getting stood up on a date, having a bad day at work, whatever exactly is happening with riley and nico now), he’s less adept. it’s just a different skill set, is all. 

he sits across from nico now at the asian brew, methodically swirling around a spoon in the oat latte he ordered. after they exchange the typical pleasantries, robin’s ready to cut to his main curiosity. “you know, i’ve been meaning to ask about what ended up happening with the whole tommy and riley and you situation. is it looking like tommy’s gonna be in the market for a new couch?”

nico wasn’t one to dismiss the way internal pain could manifest just as strongly as external pain. but even though it felt like nico got smacked with an ed’s fist size revelation at the party, they were glad as hell that it didn’t leave the same kind of marks. it felt like a perilous situation for robin to be in, that bright, shining mark letting anyone who spoke to him know that it was okay that he made them want to punch him. that others had actually had reached that breaking point, that they wouldn’t be the first. it was a miracle that this had happened and nico actually felt bad for robin. 

the pretentious punchee’s cause was aided by the time they spent helping nico out that night too. “ i haven’t seen him yet, so maybe he already has. ” the response was as nonchalant as they could come up with, taking a sip from their expresso shot before they gave their answer. they were stuck between not wanting the confrontation with tommy and knowing it had to happen if they were ever to mend things. “ i appreciated our talk that night, i really got into the drama of it all, it was good to have some steady advice. ”

nico was in many ways completely open and completely closed off. for someone so authentic, there was a great deal they carried around with them, lying in silence in their head. even after getting a chance to share something that had rested on their head and heart for so many years, to riley, it still felt isolating. they had been growing closer to frankie over the recent months, earning her trust certainly, but given her relationship with riley they hadn’t expected her to be someone they could turn to in this moment. and they didn’t, but the fates of bennington street were up to old tricks as nico stepped into the hallway outside their apartment, straight into frankie. 

“ oh, hey frank, i was just heading to the brew, ” they said, leaving their mouth as an invitation but hanging in the air in vague awkwardness.

riley feels like she’s dreaming , from the way she took control and kissed nico to them actually kissing her back . she’s shocked , but not a lot . riley was wondering if all she was feeling was in her head . then seeing it’s not – it’s a game changer .  the kiss changes everything .  it’s not their childhood kiss that riley can just giggle about and never mention again continue to be friends . this kiss was different . she LOVES nico and probably has since their first kiss .   this was riley’s clarity . it’s the reason she went for it  , but also to see if nico was feeling the same way she did .  it was clear by now – the two had something . maybe always had something ? riley can’t believe how blind she has been , but not so blind .  she was the girl all through out that never had a serious relationship - crushes - flings .  she’s starting to realize how she never let herself because she held onto them . they were home to her and she never wanted them to doubt how much she cares ( loves ) . riley’s lips feel the warmth of nico’s lips leave her and she’s catching her breath.  it’s the tingling sensation in her stomach and her crave to kiss their lips again . she notices how they look at her and she’s blushing – this time letting nico see .  “ i love you .” she blurts out and as soon as she does , her eyes widen.  riley can’t believe she let herself say it as she didn’t know if she really did . well there was the answer . riley for the first time with nico is nervous . she steps down from her step ladder and nervously chuckles . “ I-I should go . “ she’s scared of nico’s reaction to the three words she said .  riley doesn’t know what to do as she looks around . she’s looking like a chicken with no head .  riley has truly never been heartbroken and shes’ hoping this isn’t the first . “ i shouldn’t have said that especially after us kissing — I don’t know what i was thinking .  that’s not something you say after kissing your best friend for the first time . “ she’s rambling on as her fingers run through her hair . “ not first , but first to mean something . “ she then looks at nico with her eyes softening . “ it did mean something – right ? “ her voice is soft as she knows nico , but not as more than a friend .  it also didn’t help she had never said the three words before .

@ielnico​​ // did you fake how you feel when we parked down by the river that night?  

by the time tommy’s returning to the apartment, it’s days later, heavy with exhaustion and the clothes he’d last left the apartment in on an afternoon that feels weeks past. as much as he can lie to everyone else — to himself — and say that the time apart it was to give nico space, to let them both cool off, it’s just that: a lie. 

nico’s the person he’s been dreading speaking to the most. aster’s was urgent, murph’s was soothing, ed’s was self-preservation. nico? he admires nico. looks up to nico. the tense glares, the passive-aggression that waits for him under the best of circumstances…it’s unavoidable and he’s been avoiding it for just those reasons. 

so, yeah, there’s a hope in the sluggish way he turns the key in the deadbolt, inches the door open as if he could just slip in undetected. there’s a quiet prayer he can buy himself just another night without facing that…disappointment, maybe it is? the change of heart in someone he’d just gotten close to calling a friend? alas; nico is the first thing he’s greeted with in the apartment, and tommy jumps, swearing under his breath before he takes a steadying one. 

“fuck, you scared the shit out of me.” the startle is replaced with a smile, tommy’s easy stage confidence sliding over his visage like a second skin. “don’t you usually stream right about now?” 

nico hadn’t told tommy to not come back to the apartment, the text they sent the night of the birthday said the exact opposite, but they weren’t disappointed not having to deal with that side of this clusterfuck. it hadn’t left them alone by any count, a stream of people wanting to check of them at every turn, but there were a lot of other feelings that had to get their head around before they were prepared to hear a key in the lock.

the worst part was that it really made sense. they perhaps unfortunately couldn’t vouch for the specific charms riley had been put under all their months ago but they knew from personal experience how easy it was to like them. and that’s why it wasn’t just riley sleeping with the dude who’s been crashing on their couch for months, but a real friend.

there was a lot they hadn’t been doing as normal the last few days - not seeing tommy was one, nor had they gone on any of their normal paid for expensive outfits or even thought of turning on their ps4. tommy was probably the only person now roman was gone that knew their schedule. “ yeah, usually, ” they replied, slowly screwing the lid back on the jar of peanut butter in their hands like they weren’t about to just sit with the whole thing in front of their tv. 

they knew it was calculate, tommy now using what they had come to know about them to avoid them. “ sometimes you think you can expect things from someone and they surprise you. ”

riley wouldn’t blame them if they said yes , who wouldn’t have a crush on tommy ? he made everyone feel special in a good way . she doesn’t think there’s one person that doesn’t like the male ( platonically or romantically ) . maybe that’s what hurt when she saw tommy with aster and how all this unfolded .  she missed being special to someone , but seeing tommy the way e was with aster . riley knew that was different . which burned her heart – not because she had feelings for the male . she wanted to have that , but maybe she always did . which all begins seeing how hurt nico was by the news to riley feeling broken up with by them .  then maybe smacking herself in the head for never realizing .   how they always made her feel since she first met them at the age of 5 . “ oh . “ so does that mean ?  no – no riley never asked nico if it was her .  why ? afraid that what she was feeling would all just be in her head .  that what the two had was all just friendly .  even saying i love you to the other was scary .   she had told nico all the time before , but it was different now.  if riley said it out loud – it’s out there and no takes back .  she needs to know .  riley needs to know it’s for real because to her love you is meaningful .   “ i can’t – i hurt you . “ her eyes soften as she feels warmness when they touch her cheek .  i love you .  it’s at the pit of her stomach as she looks at them .  riley wonders what would happen if she didn’t care about their friendship so much .  that she could figure what she’s feeling and kiss them – wouldn’t that help or would it make it more confusing ?  she wonders . “ it wasn’t a secret till i found out he was your roommate . “ clearing her throat as she sighs . “ i thought i’d never seen him again . “ it’s the honest truth as she never thought her one night stand would be buddies with her best friend .   she’s staring at nico and it feels like she’s doing it for a long time .  could she actually be in love with him? crazy .  they had been best friends for decades and nothing happened . why now ? she just needed answers .  hearing them say that riley had them forever . riley stands there as she nibbles on her lip .  get the answers . they said you’d have them forever .  she quickly leans up to plant her lips on nicos.  the tingling sensation starting back in her stomach . oh boy.

elico: answered

rilco: who was your childhood crush?

“miss honey, lucy liu in charlie’s angels and john stamos and riley.” 

tasterico: two bennington residents you’d love to have a threesome with?

“ any two? you know i’d have to say alex and that damn leo kid. if i had to choose a couple? tommy and aster of course. no offense raph, but your boyfriend is letting the team down in this case.”

murphia: do you believe labels are necessary for a relationship?

“ the simple answer would be no. being someone’s ‘whatever’ doesn’t mean anything to me. but it’s also a consequence of my habits that maybe not labels but definitely clarity means a whole lot in making sure everything works. after all, the division between polyamory and cheating is communication.”

elico: would you risk your friendship with someone for a chance at lifelong love?

“ of course, not for the chance at just any relationship but for a ‘lifelong love’? who wouldn’t? ”

mooks: how affectionate are you in a relationship?

“ as affectionate as my partner wants me to be. and in whatever form that is, affection can mean so many things. if it was my just my choice? i don’t tend to shy from physical affection.  ”

cleo: what would your muse’s amortentia (love potion) smell like?

the center page of a new book, canadian bacon and satin shoe bags

summer: what’s an unfulfilled dream that your muse has?

to produce a great work, and sit in a balcony box watching the audience not the actors

ap8:  what did your character want to be when they grew up?

anything, as long as it was anywhere else.

“Oh please don’t judge me for swiping right on almost every lady. It’s not my fault they’re hot,” she said with a playful roll of her eyes, “but… on the downside, women are more emotionally attached…. Right? No offense meant, though… Anyway, look, should I swipe right on her?”

nico was judging less on her choice of picks, and more so her flagrant public use of tinder as they were waiting for their food to be brought to them under the sunshine. maybe it was just because they were far less public with their chosen dating app. “ everyone our age is starting to get more emotionally attached, ” they replied, pulling a face behind the wine glass they were raising to their lips. they met her question with a silent shake of the head, leaning over to do the honors for her.