I Demand Oolong!

Everyone at some point has said to himself/herself, “Well there was nothing I could do. This wasn’t my fault.” And a lot of times, this is true. However, most times, it is not true. And the people who believe that 99 percent of the time, there was something they could have done are the ones who among are the healthiest, most educated, they have the highest income, and they live in the safest cities/neighborhoods.

Now we can all say they were lucky, they benefit from racism, sexism, classism, etc. But again, that stems from the “this isn’t my fault” mentality. People who made it to the top frequently blame themselves for any and every thing. But see, the word “blame” is what turns people off. We’ve been conditioned to think “blame” is a bad word, but it doesn’t always have to be. Words only have power if we say so.

People at the top of society are used to having a lot of responsibilities, so naturally, they hold themselves responsible for a lot. On the other hand, people in the middle and at the bottom of society are not used to having a lot of responsibility, so naturally, they figure someone else is responsible. It doesn’t matter who—as long as it’s not them.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say Person A fails an exam in school. If Person A is on his/her way to the top of society, he/she will immediately try to figure out what could’ve been done differently.

 “I didn’t pay attention in class as much as I should have.”

“I didn’t study as much as I should have.”

“I didn’t go to tutoring when I had the chance.”

“I kept procrastinating and doing other things.”

 How many of you have actually heard people say this? Very few, if any.

What do you hear instead? More commonly, you hear what Person B says:

 “This teacher doesn’t know how to teach.”

“None of this was covered in class. This isn’t fair.”

“I have other classes to study for. You can’t expect me to remember everything.”

“I have to work a lot and have a tight schedule. This is just too much.”

 Do you see the difference? Same problem, but Person A blames himself/herself, while Person B blames the teacher, other teachers, and his/her job.

Even when something happens that really isn’t Person A’s fault, he/she will still find a way to be partly responsible. Say the CEO of the company he/she works for closes down business and everyone loses their jobs and Person A is struggling financially.

 “I lost my job, but I didn’t have a Plan B.”

“I should’ve been saving money for unforeseen circumstances.”

“Had I been paying more attention, I would’ve seen this coming and could’ve prepared.”

What would Person B say?

“This is so unfair. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Don’t these people know we need jobs? They just don’t care.”

“If they had paid me more, I could’ve actually saved some money.”

 That mentality of being responsible for circumstances is what pushes people to the top, and it is what keeps them there. Because they feel responsible, they’re more likely to seek advice, think before they act, weigh all their options, research, plan for the future etc.

People who don’t feel responsible are more likely to do whatever they feel like doing at the moment.

“That person looks good. I’ll have unprotected sex with them.”

“I am so angry. I’m going to physically assault that person.”

“I don’t feel like going to work. I’m going to call out sick and go shopping.”

All three of those decisions can have dire consequences. And when those consequences happen, then what?

 “Well it was in the heat of the moment. It just happened.”

“Well they pushed me to the point of punching them.”

“Well I hate my job. If it were better, then I would’ve gone into work.”

See how those three quotes deflect personal responsibility?

Most people in lower-income communities think like this. They frequently deflect personal responsibility and blame the government, the school, their supervisor, traffic, the media, sexism, etc. Most people in higher-income communities think like Person A.  

Society has (and always will) reward people who blame themselves and hold themselves responsible, because society does not want to be blamed for a person’s actions. These self-blaming people are rewarded with money, power, and respect.

Now some things are 100% out of your control. Don’t get me wrong. But really, the amount of things that are completely out of your control pale in comparison to the amount of things you can actually change.

The difference between Person A and Person B is how they approach a circumstance they don’t like.

Most people in the world think like Person B. This is, “I am powerless, blameless, and a helpless victim. There is nothing I can do about this, and here’s why….”

Very few people in the world think like Person A. This is, “I am going to change my behavior. I am going to change my actions. I am going to change my circumstances.”

So the next time something goes wrong, think, “Was there something I could have done to prevent this? Was there something I could have done to soften this blow? Did I somehow contribute to this? Is there something I can do to ensure this doesn’t happen again?”

If you honestly, deep down believe (and can prove) the answer is no, then you have no choice but to accept the circumstance for the rest of your life. If you believe the answer is yes and you take action, then you’re well on your way to a happier life.

A lot (if not most) people believe the reason women earn considerably less money than men do is because of sexism. That used to be true, but it’s not true anymore. Yes, you can find instances of women being treated unfairly and all of that—but who among us has never been treated unfairly based on something you can’t change? Everyone has. The key is to overcome that, and unfortunately, a lot of women struggle to overcome sexism.

Why?

Because they’ve been conditioned from before they were born that they aren’t expected to do much. By “do,” I mean create. Women are conditioned to be supporters, and men are conditioned to be leaders. Leaders solve problems. Leaders get things done. A lot of women consciously and subconsciously believe that leadership roles should only be occupied by men. Now, some will say they don’t believe this, and they’ll say they believe in gender equality.

But these are the same women who take their husband’s last name.

These are the same women who believe the man should drive whenever they go somewhere.

These are the same women who want the man to kill the bug or the mouse.

These are the same women who believe a man should pull their chair out for them.

These are the same women who believe a man should give up his seat from them.

All of those beliefs are rooted in the philosophy that men are socially above women, and that women are incapable of taking care of themselves.

With that mindset, it makes perfect sense that men all around the world earn more money than women do. The fact of the matter is men are simply more assertive, more aggressive, and more competitive. Men tend to think more rationally whereas women tend to think more emotionally. And not only that, that kind of mindset is explicitly and subtlety taught.

If a man is crying because his feelings are hurt, men AND women will say he’s “acting like a woman.”

If a woman is strategic and cutthroat, then she’s “a boss.” And we all know the word “boss” evokes feelings of masculinity.

Okay. So we have that covered. Let’s keep it real now. Which person (regardless of sex) will most likely earn more money in life? Somebody who lets rationality take precedence, or somebody who lets emotions take precedence?

Say you start a small business, and your best friend in the whole world is bringing the business down. They’re hurting sales. You try to help that friend improve their performance, but it’s just not working. Logic says you need to lose the dead weight, but emotions say you don’t want to ruin a friendship. Your friend will hate you and may never speak to you again. More often than not, men would let that friend go anyway, whereas women would let the business suffer.

Simply put, women care more about relationships than men do. Don’t get me wrong, though. There are plenty of women who make it to the top of their careers—but they don’t do so by caring about people’s feelings and trying to make sure everyone likes them and making sure everyone likes each other.

That plays into income. It’s easier to piss off a poor person than it is a wealthy person. Much easier. Why? Because, again, people who earn a lot of money think more logically, and people who don’t earn as much think more emotionally. And most times, the people at the top are men, and people at the bottom are women.

Now I know what you’re thinking. We’ve all seen that wealthy person throw a temper tantrum over something seemingly so small. For one, there are exceptions to every rule. For two, as with all of us, that seemingly small thing was at the end of a long list of frustrations. And number three, a lot of times that person did not earn the money they have. That’s the key. They inherited it or somebody gave it to them. They didn’t start from the bottom.

Those who start at the bottom and worked their way up, whether they’re a man or a woman, aren’t so easy to anger. Do they become angry? Of course. We all do. But good luck finding them on Twitter responding to each and every insult. Good luck finding videos of them fighting in the streets. Good luck hearing about them getting arrested for assault every single day. Good luck finding them posting disparaging comments on an Internet cartoon or video they don’t like.

Why do you think fight videos tend to be filmed in lower-income communities? You don’t ever see fight videos filmed in Beverly Hills or the Hamptons or the Upper East Side or the Magnificent Mile. And you definitely don’t ever see fights break out on the campuses of Harvard, Duke, Oxford, MIT, NYU, etc. on a regular basis, if ever.

Upper-class people do get upset, but they know how to keep their emotions in check and solve their problems rationally. They got to the top using rational tactics, and they use rational tactics to stay there.

So don’t believe that rhetoric that women aren’t earning as much as men are because of sexism. That’s just a very small part of it these days. Right now, it’s because women simply don’t care enough to compete. They don’t care enough to win. They don’t care enough to be the best. They care about being liked and getting along with others.

Yes, equal pay for equal work is fair and all, but equal work is rare. Especially in the entertainment business, which is what a lot of people mean when they say “equal pay for equal work.” Just because you see entertainers and athletes performing the same feats, that doesn’t mean they should get equal pay. There’s a lot more that goes into it.

Let’s get started, shall we?

For one, let’s start with actors and actresses. On a television show, equal work hardly ever happens. The main cast gets paid more than the supporting cast does. That makes sense, right? And if there is a main character, he/she should get paid more than everyone else in the cast, right?

Wrong.

The main character isn’t always the one bringing in the revenue, and the revenue is what the producers care about. It’s all about money. Always has been, always will be.

Now usually, the main character is the star. He/She is who the fans want to see. But other times, that’s not always the case. Producers do what’s called market research to determine what’s working and what’s not. They may very well find out that a supporting cast member is actually who the audience likes the most. They’re saying that character’s catchphrase. Ratings go up when that character is featured more. Fans are copying his/her clothing style The actor/actress is being nominated for awards. All that matters.

A good producer would say, “Hmm…everyone likes this character. We want to keep the actor/actress on the show.” And what’s the best way to do that? Why, give him/her more money or a spin-off. On the other hand, when the new season starts, that actor/actress will ask for a raise. If the raise isn’t given, then he/she will most likely leave the show.

And why not? I’m the one bringing you ratings. If you want me to work more, you better pay me more. If not, there are lots of other producers who are willing to hire me, and they’ll be making money off me. Not you.

Now nine times out of then, when an actor/actress leaves a hit show due to pay disputes, his/her career never reaches that high again. Be that as it may, producers don’t want the person to leave because that’ll cause ratings to sink, which is a loss of what? Money. And ultimately, it’s a loss of jobs.

You can apply the same concept to films. The bigger the star, the more money he/she will earn because he/she is the one that’s brining in more money. Even if that person isn’t the main character.

Now let’s relate this to the sports industry. Ok. Let’s keep it real. Most sports fans are men. Why? Men tend to be more competitive than women, so they gain more gratification from competitive activities.  Men want to be athletes more than women do. So now you have more male athletes and more male fans.

Ok, now we have the fundamentals squared away. Let’s apply the concept I just got done talking about in the entertainment industry to the sports industry.

On any given team, there are popular players and…uh…not-so popular. Who are the popular ones? Why, they’re the ones who help the teams win. Sure, everyone on the team is playing, but for the most part, there are those star athletes who stand out.

And what happens when you stand out?

Everybody watches your games more. Everyone buys your merchandise. Everyone follows you on social networking. Everyone talks about you on those sport analysis shows. You’re the one bringing in ticket sales and ratings…so the coaches and owner want you to stay on the team…because you’re making them money. Hello! Duh!

Now why in the world would you sign everyone on the team to a $25 million contract when there are only three people who fans actually care about? You pay them the most.

And as I said, they’re going to be men.

Female athletes don’t earn as much because they’re not generating as much revenue for the coaches and owners. People aren’t clamoring to watch their games. Companies aren’t begging them to endorse their products. Sport analysis people aren’t getting into ten-minute debates over their performances. Nobody’s following them on social networking. But you want the most popular female soccer player in the world (who most people can’t name and wouldn’t know her if she walked by) to earn the SAME amount of money as the most popular male soccer player in the world (who considerably more people can name and would instantly recognize him if he walked by)??? Surely, you jest.

This isn’t about sexism, folks. It’s about money. Cold hard cash. Scrilla. Dead presidents. Dolla dolla bills, y’all.

Now there are female athletes who people do watch…but not that many, because as I stated, men are more interested in becoming athletes than women are. But if you think about it, these women don’t play on teams. There is no world-famous female team. There are only world-famous female athletes. And the same thing goes for them. They’re making more money than the less popular male athletes in their sport. Venus and Serena earn more than some no-name tennis player who hasn’t even come close to Wimbledon. Danica Patrick earns more than a brand-new racecar driver who doesn’t have any endorsement deals.

But YOU just got done saying “Equal pay for equal work!” Well the most popular athletes do the same amount of work than the less popular ones do…but what’s the difference? I just told you. The difference is who is bringing in the money.

This mindset of “equal pay for equal work” would bankrupt people. Nobody on this planet can afford to pay all of their employees the same amount of money when there is an obvious difference on who is bringing in more money. And I don’t mean financially afford. I mean they can’t afford the consequences. What do you think would happen if the star of the team signed a $40 million contract, and then a newcomer who was picked in the 40th draft round came on the team and also signed a $40 million contract?

That star player would demand a raise, or a different team would buy out his contract and offer him more pay. Same thing for business. The employees selling the most earn the most. You’re not going to pay a real estate agent $380,000 for selling thirty houses a year, and pay her co-worker the same amount for selling two houses a year. Yes, they both talked to the SAME amount of people, but one out-performed the other. And she should be compensated for it.

If you have this “equal pay for equal work” mentality, you’re going to be living paycheck-to-paycheck for the rest of your life. That kind of mindset bleeds into other aspects of your life. You’re thinking with your heart—not with your head. And poor people are emotional thinkers. Rich people are rational thinkers.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I believe the federal government decided to break up the Black Family when it was obvious blacks were going to finally get civil rights after centuries of requesting and demanding them. In a previous post, I wrote about how in the 1960’s, 25 percent of black children were born to unmarried parents, but just one generation later, that percentage zoomed to 70 percent. Why? Because federal benefits created in the 1960’s replaced black fathers, who were already struggling to comfortably provide for their families due to racism. I believe this was intentional.

Today, statistics show about 75 percent of black children are born to unmarried parents. That is a staggering number. Now, you may hear people saying things such as, “Well the single mother rate for all races is increasing, so this is normal.” Yes, that’s true, but Blacks are winning in that department by a landslide. Asian-Americans are at 17 percent, whites are at 30 percent, and Hispanics are at 50 percent. Also, black women are the least likely to be married of all demographics, and they are the most likely to be divorced. I hate to say it, but a married black couple who have never been married before and have at least one child who was born after they were married is uncommon in the United States. The chances are more likely that at least one of the partners is divorced, at least one of the partners has a child from a previous relationship, and that the couple will end up divorcing. It’s even more likely that the female partner will never marry, and she will instead be a “baby mama” to a man who has at least one other “baby mama.”

And don’t act like you don’t see it.

We’ve all seen the group of black women in the mall surrounded by children, and not one man is present.

We’ve all seen the black woman pushing the stroller down the street with no ring on her finger.

We’ve all seen the social media posts the black woman posts of her child(ren), but never of her husband. And if there is a man, he’s the “baby daddy” not to just her child(ren), but to another woman’s as well.

We’ve all seen the couple posting videos of their gender reveal party, but never of their engagement party or wedding.  

We’ve all seen Maury and Paternity Court.

And we shrug and say, “Well it is what it is.”

But despite all this, we blame white folks for all our problems. We point the finger at racism and discrimination and prejudice when our families are literally falling apart by our own doing. Did The White Man tell you to have unprotected sex with that 27yr old ex-con unemployed aspiring rapper who asked you for bus fare so he can get back to his single mother’s house but texts you from a fake phone number so his third baby mama won’t find out? Did The White Man tell you to have unprotected sex with that 22yr old hair stylist with a GED and 19 inches of somebody else’s hair glued in her own hair who has four children by three different men and participates in “Man Crush Monday” on Instagram by posting pictures of married celebrities and posing half-naked for “likes”?

Now you have a(nother) baby you can barely provide for, and it’s Donald Trump’s fault.

You cannot stand there and confidently proclaim that you have absolutely nothing to do with the unpleasant aspects of your life when you’re voluntarily (and knowingly) making foolish decisions. You know they’re foolish.

Oh, but do you?

See, this is where family and community come into play. You very well may not believe the man or woman I described are not fit to be healthy partners, spouses, or parents because that is all you see. Most of the men you know are similar to him. Most of the women you know are similar to her. They’re in your schools. Your neighborhoods. Your jobs. That’s all you have to choose from. But why are these your only options? Again, because of the breakdown of the Black Family.

And when you meet a black person who isn’t like that, you think something is wrong with him/her.

He has no criminal record. He has no children. He’s never been married. He has an advanced degree. Maybe two…but you believe he’s beyond your reach, or that he’s too good to be true. So you settle for what’s familiar, because familiarity provides a (false) sense of security. You know what to expect when dealing with that triflin ass fool with six baby mams. You don’t know what to expect when dealing with the black guy who has an impeccable resume and credentials. Girl…he might bring you to his college reunion at some university that has manicured lawns, a lacrosse team, and running water! That’s pretty intimidating to somebody who grew up watching fight videos on YouTube and live tweets “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”

Now on the other hand, she has no criminal record, no children, never been married, has an advanced degree. Maybe two…but you believe she’s beyond your reach, or that she’s too good to be true. So you settle for what’s familiar, because familiarity provides a (false) sense of security. You know what to expect when dealing with that triflin ass fool with three baby daddies. You don’t know what to expect when dealing with the black woman who has an impeccable resume and credentials. Man…she might bring you to her job’s Christmas party where everyone is wearing J. Crew, Express, and Brooks Brothers, nobody does the Cupid Shuffle, and an argument doesn’t break out about if LeBron is better than Jordan! That’s pretty intimidating to somebody who grew up trying to get famous off of SoundCloud and live tweets “Black Ink Crew.”

Are you starting to see what I’m getting at? When the family is dysfunctional, the members participate in dysfunctional activities. Many of us know that one “uppity” relative who doesn’t communicate with the family much. Everyone says “He think he better than us,” or “She think she got it goin’ on.” In reality, nine times out of ten, that uppity family member doesn’t associate with you all because he/she recognized the dysfunction, tried to fix it, was criticized, so he/she planned an escape, executed it, and never looked back. Rather than the family saying, “Hmmm…maybe they’re onto something,” they said, “Don’t talk to them. They think they’re better than us.” 

When people can no longer control you, they try to control how people see you.

Now I’m not saying families with money are functional and healthy. I’m just saying a lot of black families are dysfunctional and unhealthy, but we blame everybody else for our issues. It’s the government’s fault. It’s the school’s fault. It’s the uppity family member’s fault.

At what point do you realize you’re living in dysfunction, especially when it’s all you’ve ever seen? It’s like describing the ocean to a camel or a desert to a whale. Well that’s just an excuse people use. It only works up to a certain age. At some point, everyone realizes the rules of the game. The game of life. You realize what the rules are, but you don’t want to follow them. You cheat, you always lose, then you blame The White Man.

Allow me to explain.

First, answer these questions. Typically speaking, is it easier for a person with children at home to attend college, or is it easier for a person without children at home to attend college?

Is it easier for a person without a family to move to a different city for more opportunities, or is it easier for a person with a family to move to a different city for more opportunities?

Is it easier for a person with a family to work long hours, or is it easier for a person without a family to work long hours?

A single person without children has an easier time to focus on his/her own life than anyone else does. The game of life is set up for single people with no children…at least in the beginning. This is why people who make six-figures or close to it almost always marry later and have children later. And by later, I’m talking mid-30’s and up. They do everything for themselves first because it’s easier, and they recognize the game was designed that way.

On the other hand, people who make an average salary or lower almost always marry and/or have children in their 20’s and younger. Why? Because they try to cheat the game of life.

By the time you’re 18, you know the rules of the game. However, it’s up to you to follow them. Now, as I stated before, many black people are in families that encourage them to have children young, move in with romantic partners they don’t really know, have multiple children by multiple partners, not marry, etc. The families and the communities aren’t actively telling them to do these things…but everyone in the family and community is doing these things.

So why are they doing it? Because they want the things you ought to wait for to get. They don’t want to wait to have children and get married and create a family and have an above-average income and all of that. They want those things now, so they try to rush everything. That’s what I mean by cheating. The system is not set up for a 22yr old with three children to have a PhD and work as an executive at a law firm. It’s set up for a 72yr old to have a PhD and children in their mid-30’s to work as an executive at a law firm. If you do the math, at 72, this law firm executive had his/her first child around age 37—which, as I stated, is normal for those raking in six figures.

That 22yr old sees the 72yr old driving the Jaguar and living in a six-bedroom, six-bathroom home and thinks, “I want that!” So he/she runs out, sleeps with the first knucklehead who pays them attention for more than five seconds, has a baby, then can’t figure out what went wrong.

Where’s my Jaguar?

Where’s my huge house?

Where are my garden parties?

Where’s my Brooks Brothers wardrobe?

It’s The White Man’s fault! The White Man is keeping me down!

No, dummy. It’s your fault. And you know that.

 The White Man didn’t make you sleep with her.

The White Man didn’t make you sleep with him.

The White Man didn’t make you get that DUI.

The White Man didn’t make you goof off in school.

The White Man didn’t make you sell drugs.

The White Man didn’t make you abuse your children.

The White Man didn’t make you get that assault charge.

The White Man didn’t make you spend money on $300 hair or $250 shoes.

The White Man didn’t make you buy all those lottery tickets.

The White Man didn’t make you do shit.

YOU did that shit because you were trying to speed up the process of life. It took that executive 72 years to get to where he/she is. You didn’t want to wait that long. That’s where you fucked up.

Now does The White Man encourage you to do those things? Of course! He encourages you with reality shows and music videos and movies and television shows and all of that…but he doesn’t make you do any of that. He encourages black people to do that shit so he can remain secure in his position of power. He encourages you, but you don’t have to abide. Just like your teacher and /or supervisor encourages you to do shit, and you don’t always do what they say. You make a choice. At the end of the day, you make a choice.

You chose to scroll through Instagram all day while your classmate chose to study for the GRE.

You chose to go to that Memorial Day cookout while your neighbor chose to work that extra shift at work.

You chose to go on that cruise while your sibling chose to apply for that internship.

You chose to read the gossip blogs while your friend chose to read that book about environmental science.

Now here you are. Mad at The White Man and calling your former classmate uppity. Calling your former neighbor a sellout. Calling your sibling an Oreo. Calling your friend fake. All because they have the life you wish you had, but you didn’t have the patience to work for. You looked for shortcuts while they took the way that was on the map. And ironically, they got to the finish line as your black ass was still looking for shortcuts.

First of them all, let me just say there is nothing wrong with being gay or with being a feminist. However, there is something wrong if you actively or passively use your homosexuality or your feminist beliefs as weapons to vilify heterosexual males—or in this case, heterosexual black males (HBM).

 And a lot of you are doing just that.

 Buckle your seatbelt folks. This is going to get intense.

 Now this isn’t something you believe. You don’t believe HBMs are bad people. You’re taught that they’re bad people. Furthermore, you’re taught that they don’t like you, and they’re actively trying to suppress or oppress you.

 And who is teaching you this? Why, the media. Who else?

 Let’s start at the very beginning. So during slavery, black men were emasculated in front of black women so the black women wouldn’t see them as providers and protectors. After slavery ended, black men were denied the resources to take care of themselves and their families. So generally speaking, black women still didn’t really see black men as reliable providers and protectors.

 Fast-forward to the feminist movement and the Civil Rights Movement. The “War on Poverty” is introduced by the Johnson Administration, and one of its consequences is that it systematically removed the black man from the household. The black man was replaced by government benefits. He was already struggling to take care of his wife and children due to racism, and now the government came in and said “Don’t worry, black woman. I’ll provide all the things he can’t provide.”

In the 1960’s, 25% of black children were born to unmarried parents. Just a little over 20yrs later, that number shot up to around 70%. That’s just one generation. The parents who were born in the 1960’s had their children in the 1980’s, and the black single parent percentage had skyrocketed. In just one generation.

And think about this. What else is going on in the 1980’s? The crack epidemic in the (mostly black) neighborhoods. So again, the black man is being removed from the family.

Now let’s fast-forward to today. How is the black man being removed from the family? By the new feminist movement and the LGBT movement working together.

Many black feminists and black LGBT don’t realize they have an animosity toward HBM. They don’t call it an animosity because they think they have a reason to be angry. And what’s more, the media is telling them to be angry, AND it’s providing “reasons” as to why they should be angry.

Just about every black heterosexual couple is somehow dysfunctional. On the other hand, if it’s a white man with a black woman, it’s fully functional and healthy. If it’s a black man and a black woman, he’s cheating. He’s on drugs. He’s abusive. He’s misogynistic. He’s an idiot. She’s more sensible. She has to clean up all his messes. She’s smarter.

And when it comes to the LGBT community, it’s no better. If it’s a black gay man, he’s hilarious. He’s smart. He’s sophisticated. He’s hardworking. He’s trustworthy. He’s helpful. If it’s an HBM, he’s homophobic and he has outdated beliefs about gender and sex.

So what are folks being told? Well, they’re being told HBM are the enemies of feminists and the LGBT community. The black women are being told not to date, marry, or procreate with them, and the LGBT community is being told he hates them.

Keep in mind it was white men who passed laws to oppress women and the LGBT community. Yet there a lot of women and members of the LGBT who see white men as their saviors, and they see HBM as the enemy. How on earth did that happen?

Because white men control the media. They can literally do something bad right in front people, then say “The black guy did it!” and people will believe it. That happens all the time, and it’s happening right now.

Heterosexual black men are not the enemy of feminists. Heterosexual black men are not the enemy of the LGBT community. They never have been, and they never will be.

Black people as whole do not have the numbers or the power to oppress ANYONE. Black males make up about 6% of the US population. Are you telling me that 6% of the entire population are oppressing all women and gays? When I break it down like that, it seems ridiculous, however, media won’t break it down like that for you. They’ll just keep showing you “evidence” of how misogynistic and homophobic HBM are. This keeps black women from creating healthy relationships with them, which then in turn further weakens the black community. The black community includes black people who are part of the LGBT community, so if the black women and the black LGBT are against the black men, that weakens the black community even more.

And what is this so-called evidence? HBM are doing the SAME THINGS that heterosexual men of other races are doing. However, when HBM do it, it’s misogynistic and homophobic. When other races do it, there’s nothing wrong with it.

For example. Every demographic in the United States sees the men as the leader of the family. The wife takes his last name. The children take his last name. He usually earns more money. He’s the disciplinarian. That’s how it’s been for centuries. And not just in the United States—throughout the entire world. Whether that’s right or wrong is a different story. I’m just saying that’s how it is. And I’m saying generally speaking, every demographic has accepted that and worked with those ideas. For centuries.

Except the black community.

Now, blacks USED to have those values…until the 1960’s. That’s when the mindset began to shift as I already explained. Now today, if an HBM says he wants to have a son to carry on his last name, he’s misogynistic. He’s homophobic. If an Asian-American man says it, then it’s okay. It’s tradition. Same for a white man, an American Indian, or a Latino man.

If a black man says, “I’m the head of the household,” then he’s misogynistic. If an Asian-American man says it, then it’s okay. It’s tradition. Same for a white man, and American Indian, or a Latino man.

If a black man doesn’t know any openly gay men, then he’s homophobic.

If he doesn’t sleep with other men, then he’s homophobic.

If he doesn’t stan a female rapper, then he’s misogynistic.

If he is sexually aroused by a woman, then he’s misogynistic.

Basically, the trick is that suddenly, an HBM cannot do what men have been doing for centuries. Soon as he says “I’m going to teach my son how to change a flat tire,” then it’s “Oh, so you won’t teach your daughter to do the same thing??”

“I don’t have a daughter.”

“Oh, because you don’t want one?”

“I only wanted to have two children, and they’re both boys.”

“How many did your wife want? I bet you didn’t even ask!”

“She also wanted two.”

“And what if one of them is gay?”

See how the implication is that the HBM is inherently misogynistic and homophobic? Now this was an exaggeration, but this is what a lot of HBM endure. But it’s a manufactured war. HBM are literally doing the exact same thing other races are doing, but it’s the HBM who gets reprimanded for it.

Why?

Because it’s just another tactic to weaken the black community. It’s the fundamental “divide and conquer” strategy. If you see someone as an enemy, just give that person’s followers a reason to hate them. You don’t have to do anything but provide “evidence” that your opponent is mistreating their followers. If you’re successful, your opponent’s followers will not only take him/her down, but then they’ll join you.

So for this, the gag is black feminists and the black LGBT don’t realize they’re destroying the leaders of their own community. Whether you like it or not, this is a heterosexual man’s world. Society was created with the idea that heterosexual men would be in charge, and heterosexual women would be the supporters.

Men lead and women nurture. You destroy the leader, then you destroy the community.

Notice how the HBM has no allies. Why? Because he’s the leader. You’ve got to get people to destroy their own leader. You don’t get the leader to destroy his own people. He’d never do that. But if you can get the people to destroy their own leader, then you’re really in business.

If you don’t believe me, then name one successful community or organization that did not have a leader.

Of course, you’ll say, “That’s not true. I don’t do that!”

Oh, but you do. I guarantee. Just hear me out.

So the first step is that you see something you want. Let me use this analogy. Say you go into a store a see a pair of shoes you really want. What’s the first thing you do? Look at the price tag. If it’s well within your means, you buy them. If they’re not, you put them back. Or steal them. But I’ll get to that in a moment.

So you do that in life, too. You come across something you want. A car. A job. A house. A relationship. Whatever. You see something you want and the first thing you do is look to see what it’ll take to get it. In other words, you look at the price. You look at the cost. If you feel confident you have the means to obtain it, you pay the price to get it. If you feel you don’t, you don’t even try.

 But that’s the key word. Feel. You feel as though you don’t have the means. You don’t know. You feel. You know if you have the money to buy those shoes, but you feel you don’t have to resources to get that job or that house or that car or that relationship or acceptance to that school. Let’s take it back to the shoe analogy. If you really want the shoes, but you can’t afford them at the moment, what do you do? You wait until you are able to afford them, then you get them. That’s what you ought to do in life, but you don’t. You take one look at what it’ll take to get that thing you want, then give up. You don’t say, “Ok, well I’ll do what it takes to get it” like you do with the shoes. You say, “Oh, well I can’t have it.” And call it a day.

Or you’ll steal. Remember when I said I’d get into that? Well I keep my word. So how do you steal opportunities in life? You can literally steal a car, but you can’t really steal a job or a house or acceptance into a school. You can get them by dishonest means, though. But when you do that, you’re always on the defense. You know you got that car or that house or that relationship or that job dishonestly, so you’re terrified somebody will find out and it’ll be taken away. You’re paranoid all the time.

In a relationship, you may either be very controlling or you’re a doormat. You don’t want the relationship to end, so you do whatever you think is best to maintain it. You can’t be yourself, because the truth will come out that you lied to get with your partner. You’ll try to control every aspect of the relationship, or you’ll let your partner frequently get his/her way. Or, like some people, you’ll become very secretive and mysterious. This is also a symptom of a person who lied to get into a relationship. The person stealing the shoes behaves the same way. He/She conceals the shoes as he/she leaves the store.

If you got that job or house or admission to that school dishonestly, you’ll also be very mysterious. Maybe you don’t let anyone see your transcript. Maybe you never invite people over to your home. Maybe you never talk about the experience you have that helped you get the job. Or maybe you’ll just flat-out lie about the details surrounding how you obtained that job or house or admissions letter. Either way, you’re being secretive.

Eventually, your ill-gotten gain begins to crumble. Your relationship is unhealthy. Your grades are poor. Your job performance is terrible. You’re falling behind on payments for that house or car. Whatever the case is, the cracks begin to show.

Once it’s over, you do what you have to do to rebuild your life, and you can’t wait to tell everyone how you overcame the struggle. You don’t tell everyone how you lied to get with your partner. No. That would put blood on your hands. So you say, “My ex did this and that to me, but I survived and here I am now!” Cue applause.

You don’t tell everyone you got that job dishonestly. No. That would put blood on your hands. So you say, “My supervisor was abusive and controlling, so I quit and got a better job! And here I am now!” Cue applause.

You don’t tell everyone you bought a car you could barely afford. No. That would put blood on your hands. So you say, “I started having money issues and my car was repossessed. But I dug my way out of the financial hole I was in, and here I am now!” Cue applause.

You don’t tell everyone you got into a school you knew you weren’t ready for. No. That would put blood on your hands. So you say, “My professor said I’d never amount to anything and mistreated me, but I worked hard and here I am now!” Cue applause.

You become addicted to that feeling of “accomplishment.” You love the praise and adoration everyone throws at you for “overcoming” and “surviving.”

Once the spotlight fades and everyone has moved on and forgotten about you, it starts all over again. You see something you want, obtain it dishonestly because you’re too lazy to work for it, the cracks show, it falls apart, you put your life back together, you get the praise, the praise fades. Rinse and repeat.

The truth is, you’re not accomplishing anything. You’re just hitting the reset button. Nothing is getting done. Nothing is getting completed. Nothing is happening. That’s why you feel you’ve done so much, but have nothing to show for it.

Well you have nothing because there is nothing.

You know what kind of relationship you want. Rather than associating with the right people, you take (key word) what you can get.

Rather than working to get that car you want, you steal it or buy it though you can barely afford it. Same goes for the house.

Rather than working to get that job, you lie your way in. Same goes for the school.

Whatever the case may be, you get what you want without doing what you’re supposed to do. Then it crumbles. You hit reset. And learn absolutely nothing.

So what’s the solution? Rather than hitting reset, just keep going. Once the façade crumbles and turns to dust, keep going and don’t make the same mistake again. Look back not to see the good in what happened—look back to see the lessons you can take. See what you should’ve done. What would’ve kept you from getting in this situation?

Work until you can afford that house or car.

Don’t just get with whoever will pay attention to you for a little bit. Associate with the right people who treat you how you want to be treated.

Don’t falsify your resume for that job. See what they’re looking for and obtain those credentials.

Yes, it’ll take longer. Yes, you’ll have to wait. But as we all know, if it takes a lot of time to build, it’ll take a lot of time to destroy.

Ok, so we’re going to begin with the “abolition” of slavery. And the reason I put it in quotes is because the 13th Amendment slyly states “…except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted…”

Why is that important? Because that’s the loophole courts used to basically continue slavery. They would charge Black men with crimes, give them unfair trials, then sentence them to jail. From 1865 to 1964, states could (and would) legally deny people employment solely based on race, and until 1968, states could (and would) legally deny people the right to housing solely based on race. So slavery was over on paper, but contrary to many people’s beliefs, things didn’t magically become better for Blacks overnight.

So think back to the days when slavery has just ended. Former slaves were illiterate and unemployed. Many remained in their hometowns because they didn’t really have any other place to go. They took whatever jobs they could, and these were often the jobs the Whites didn’t want. And yes, they were severely underpaid. As a result, Whites would deny them decent employment and housing, charge them with vagrancy, then throw them in jail. This went on for decades. And was perfectly legal.

But let’s back it up to the end of the Civil War. The Department of War established The Freedman’s Bureau, which was an agency to help former slaves and poor Whites as the Civil War was coming to a close and the South’s defeat was imminent. It was officially founded on March 3, 1865, the South surrendered on April 9, 1865, and Lincoln was shot six days later.

Though the Freedman’s Bureau had good intentions, of course, many Whites opposed it. Including President Andrew Johnson. Some of the things the Bureau did were to establish schools (which later became Historically Black Colleges & Universities), help families that were separated during slavery reunite, provide job training, establish hospitals, and help Blacks with legal cases since the chances of them of getting fair trials were slim.

By late 1872, just seven years after being founded, Congress’s support of the Bureau had been waning and all of its efforts were discontinued. Five years later, the Reconstruction Era ended. This was an era in which the US attempted to literally reconstruct itself after the Civil War. The Freedman’s Bureau was a large part of the era, as were the 13th, 14th, and 15th Amendments. Additionally, Blacks were elected to state and federal positions during this time.

Now, this time is very important, as this is when the South began to identify with the Republican Party, and the North began to identify with the Democratic Party. Until then, Republicans would be what we would consider “liberal,” and Democrats were what we would consider “conservative.”

During the Civil War, when Northerners were Republicans and Southerners were Democrats, the North spent a lot of money to support the Union, and this in turn made many businessmen there wealthy. Because they were wealthy, they were then able to influence and to take part in the government. These wealthy White men were not too interested in supporting Black rights, because they did not believe government spending money to help such a small number of people would help them to maintain their money and power. As this is happening, as stated before, the South (Democrats) are opposed to the efforts of Reconstruction--especially the Freedman’s Bureau. 

The federal government’s role in people’s lives began to diminish as wealthy White men helped to pass laws to make sure they themselves had as much freedom as possible to do as they wish with their money. See how this is tied to the dissolution of the Freedman’s Bureau?

And what’s even more sinister, more and more land in the Midwest and West of the country was being carved up and given to Whites (after it was taken away from the Native Americans), but Blacks were not allowed to have any of that land, let alone jobs, healthcare, education, and housing.

Now that we’ve got established, let’s fast-forward to WWI. After the War ends, Black soldiers return home and expect to be treated much better than when they left. I mean, they did put their lives on the line for the country…no, for the world. They return to the United States and realize very little has changed. As a result, the Great Migration ensues. Thousands upon thousands of Blacks leave the South and head North (and some went to California) where things aren’t exactly paradise, but they were a lot better than the South. This in turn is the catalyst for the Harlem Renaissance. Blacks had a swell of pride and their culture flourished. Angry White Southerners tried to stop Blacks from getting information about the North, and they even passed laws to make it difficult for Blacks to leave.

Now we’re in the 1920s. The economy is doing exceptionally well, but then the Great Depression happens. Republicans are blamed, so people began voting for Democrats. In fact, Blacks began to switch from the Republican Party to the Democratic Party because Franklin D. Roosevelt established programs to help those affected by the Depression—and as we all know, Blacks were affected a lot worse than Whites were.

So how did the Italian-Americans play into this? Well, let’s put this on pause and rewind. It’s before WWI, but after Reconstruction. This era is referred to the Gilded Age. During this time, may Europeans immigrated to the United States for a better life. Fine. Nothing new there. Well, as the United States has always done, it discriminated against them. The Irish were discriminated against. The Polish were discriminated against. The Eastern Europeans were discriminated against. And of course, the Italians were discriminated against—especially those from the southern part of Italy, because they tend to have darker skin due to the Moors settling there for thousands of years. But I digress.

The dark-skinned Italians are being discriminated against in the United States. To combat this, many of them began to point to Columbus as proof that they did not deserve the poor treatment they were receiving. This is around 1892…the 400th anniversary of Columbus landing in the Caribbean. While America is celebrating the anniversary, Italians are saying, “See? We Italians aren’t so bad after all!” This is despite the fact that Columbus sailed for Spain…not Italy. And this is despite the fact that the establishments in the New World made Spain richer…not Italy. Now I’m not saying Italian-Americans deserved to be mistreated, but to use Columbus as proof to show that Italians can do wonderful things is…specious, at best.

But at any rate, Italian-Americans used Columbus to escape discrimination, and it basically worked. But they were about self-preservation. They saw that other people (especially Blacks) were being mistreated, but it was more of a “Well as long as the Whites aren’t mistreating me, I don’t care.” This sort of established racial tension between Blacks and Italian-Americans in places like New Jersey and New York City which, unfortunately, continues to this day.

Let’s bring it back to the Great Depression and the Democrats. The Republicans are blamed because people are saying, “If you Republicans hadn’t been so greedy over the last several decades, none of this would’ve happened. We need the federal government to make sure this doesn’t happen again!” The Democrats take over and establish social programs to help pull people out of financial ruin. Those who are for social programs tend to be Democrats, and those who are for limited government tend to be Republicans. Which is where we are presently.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The Great Depression is happening, World War II breaks out, the United States enters, and the economy does well because of the social programs, and because people cut back on spending to help the war effort. The Axis is defeated, and Black soldiers return home thinking, “Ok…THIS TIME the White people have to respect us.”

Wrong.

Enter the Civil Rights Movement.

We’re now in the late 1950s and early 1960s. Keep in mind, racial discrimination is still perfectly legal. And also, this is where the Black family begins to crack. Before this time, as with all races, it was much more common than not to have an intact nuclear family: married parents and their children living together. However, during the 1960s, things for Blacks began to shift as far as their families are concerned. With the establishment of welfare, if there was an adult male parent in the home, families could not get welfare benefits. This was not just for Black families, but it happened more often for Black families because the men were, as stated before, being removed from their families for various reasons—and all of those reasons stemmed from the lack of opportunities Black men faced.

It’s virtually impossible to take care of your family if you’re not allowed to have a job, live in certain neighborhoods, or vote. Black women were literally being paid by the United States government to remain single mothers. Their daughters went on to become single parents, and then their daughters, then their daughters, and so on, and so forth.

What does this have to do with Asian-Americans? I’ll tell you.

As the United States began to reform its laws about race, it began to relax its immigration laws. Up until the mid-1960s, Asians were practically prohibited from entering the country and becoming citizens. Once those laws were repealed, they began trickling in. Now is it a coincidence that the United States began to actively improve its relationship with East Asia and Southeast Asia as tensions between it and Russia began? Maybe…but it’s also mighty convenient.

In other words, some (including myself) would point that the United States did not want to have tension with Russia and pretty much all of Asia as Cold War tensions escalated during the 1960s. With the immigration restrictions of Asians lifted, the United States conveniently began saying such kind things about Asians—hence the “model minority” stereotype. Americans would say things like, “Oh, Asians are so smart. And so polite. And so clean. And so hardworking. Please, come to this country.” Because Asian-Americans weren’t really established in the country before the 1960s, they missed all the discrimination that Blacks and Europeans faced. They didn’t really begin coming until most civil rights legislation had already passed. 

This isn’t to say Asian-Americans aren’t discriminated against—it’s more to say they didn’t (and do not) face the type of mistreatment Blacks face. 

Also, keep in mind, when Asians were allowed into the country little by little, only the best and brightest were allowed. This helped the United States to seem correct when they would point to them as the “model minorities.” It’s easy to be seen as the best when you’re only allowed to send your best over.

With Asian-Americans settling in the country, many of them wanted to fully integrate and be accepted by Whites. Families would encourage their daughters to marry White men, as this was seen as the paragon of acceptance. To this day, many Asian-American women “prefer” to date White men. They’ll openly say this, but then also say, “But I’m not racist.”

Yes, you are.

Also, Asian-Americans would discriminate against Blacks to gain White acceptance. Remember, they weren’t really around to witness slavery, Reconstruction, the Great Migration, and the Civil Rights Movement. Instead, it was like, “Hey…if I want Whites to accept me, all I have to do is do what they do. Hmmm…looks like they don’t like Black people for whatever reason. Fine. Neither do I.” This is also why there tends to be underlying tension between Asian-Americans and Blacks in many parts of the country.

Allow me to point out what happened to Latasha Harlins. On March 16, 1991 in Los Angeles, a 15yr old girl named Latasha Harlins went into a convenience store owned by a Korean-American family, the Du family. She put a bottle of orange juice in her backpack and held the money she planned to pay for it in her hand. The matriarch of the Du family, Soon Ja, accused her of trying to shoplift despite the fact that Harlins was at the counter with money in her hand. An argument ensued, and Du grabbed Harlins and tried to snatch her backpack off. Harlins hit Du three times, causing Du to fall back. Du then threw a stool at Harlins. Harlins picked up the orange juice botte and set it on the counter, and Du snatched it from her. As Harlins turned to leave the store, Du reached under the counter for a handgun and shot Harlins. The bullet hit her in the back of the head and she died instantly.

You can look up the security footage on YouTube.

During the trial, Du stated she killed Harlins because she feared for her life, so it was in self-defense. Two eyewitnesses disputed this, and so did the fact that Harlins was shot from behind as she attempted to leave. Du was found guilty of voluntary manslaughter, but rather than getting the 16yrs of prison, which was the maximum sentence, she was sentenced to probation for five years, given a $500 fine, (approx. $920 today), and told she had to complete 400 hours of community service.

The trial was overshadowed by the infamous Rodney King beating, which occurred two weeks later, which in then turn led to the 1992 LA riots after the police officers were acquitted after being videotaped beating him. Some believe (including myself) that the riots were also inspired by the outcome of Du’s trial.

Ok, you got all that? Let’s take it back to the late 1960s. The Civil Rights Era is coming to a close, and something called The Kerner Commission is published. Never heard of it? That was intentional.

Basically, The Kerner Commission was an investigation to figure out why Black people were the way they were. Moreso why they were rioting every so often. But it also answered why were their families falling apart? Why was their income so low? Why were they less educated than everyone else? Why were their neighborhoods violent?

You’d think it’d be obvious…but sometimes, people don’t like to admit they had a hand in creating a problem. A lot of White people would say, “Well slavery and all that is over. They’re just lazy. That’s why things are the way they are for Blacks. They’re not trying hard enough.”

But the Kerner Commission debunked all of that. Federal agents investigated the circumstances Blacks were in and concluded, “This is America’s fault. We’ve been screwing them over literally since the day they got here, and now we’re pretending we don’t know why things are so bad for them.”

Why are they poor? Because they’re denied jobs.

Why aren’t they educated? Because they’re denied education.

Why are they criminals? Because they can’t get jobs or go to school.

Why are their families broken? Because we paid their mothers to be single.

And what did the government do once the Kerner Commission was complete?

Nothing.

They just said, “Oh…well…ok…” and that was that.

What the government wanted to hear was: “Black people are lazy. They’re naturally move violent than everyone else. They don’t want to work. They hate school. They like drugs. They like to break the law.” But when that didn’t happen, the report was shelved.  

Now it’s the 1970s, and Blacks are experiencing another swell of pride and culture. They’re letting their hair grow without altering it in any way, the “Black is Beautiful” slogan is popularized, and Black fictional characters in media are standing up to White people...which was unheard of before. This led to the 1980s where Blacks and Whites were slowly integrated in mainstream TV shows and films. You didn’t really see racially mixed casts before then. It was either virtually all black, or virtually all white.

Once Hollywood realized Blacks actually are marketable on their own, Blacks were able to produce their own projects with Hollywood’s help. From the mid-1980s up until the late 1990s, you saw many Black sitcoms and films doing quite well, and for the first time ever, the Black middle class was getting attention. Before this time, Blacks were typically depicted as working class or upper class in the media. People did not really think a Black middle class existed.

Unfortunately, even today, Hollywood is not too comfortable with Blacks who don’t “act Black,” so to speak. Those who run the media believe the only Black person who is marketable is one who portrays some sort of stereotype. And what happens is people believe these stereotypes are true while ignoring the millions of Blacks who aren’t in the service industry, who aren’t drug addicts, who aren’t criminals, who aren’t poor, who aren’t violent, who aren’t entertainers, etc. 

Whenever a Black person comes along and says, “Actually, most Black people aren’t like that. And I’m living proof,” the response is, “Well you’re not REALLY Black, though. You act White.”

Presently, these attitudes continue. Many people still ignore history and say the reason Blacks are the way they are is because they’re not trying hard enough. Many still say, “You’re not really Black if you don’t [insert stereotype here],” and many discriminate against Blacks in order to subconsciously gain approval from Whites.

And even present-day Freedman’s Bureau tactics are reviled. Many non-Blacks think Historically Black Colleges & Universities are racist and unfair. They think anything specifically designed to help a Black person is unfair. They think if a Black person is successful, then he/she doesn’t really deserve it and must’ve had some unfair advantage nobody else had. But when you actually do your homework, you’ll see these “advantages” don’t really help Blacks as much.

Whites were given land, loans, jobs, healthcare, education…and this has helped them to prosper for generations. Asian-Americans benefited because they largely came after racial discrimination was outlawed. But Blacks? Soon as they get a scholarship, it’s “not right,” and it’s “reverse racism.” Do you honestly, truly believe a $5,000 NAACP scholarship will boost all Black people beyond the ramifications of slavery and legalized discrimination which lasted from 1619-1968? Do you know how long that is? That’s 349 years. That means Blacks have had complete freedom for 51 years now, but have been in the country for 400 years.

So don’t sit there and get upset that a Black kid got into Harvard although his SAT score was a little bit lower than a White kid’s. Don’t call it “unfair.” Don’t have a fit because the BET Awards exist, but the WET Awards don’t. And don’t call your state representative to complain that the black girl got the job over you despite being a little less qualified when you’re literally benefitting from the fact that her family wasn’t allowed access to basic necessities for 349 years.

Do your homework. 

Well, you don’t have to, because I just did it for you.

Black people have a long way to go, and sadly, those alive today will not live to see the day where the consequences of slavery and discrimination are long gone. A scholarship here and a job there is a step in the right direction, but it’s not the end. 

We’ve all heard it before.

 “Ain’t no good Black men out here.”

“Black men are trash.”

“Imma get me a White man, cuz Black men ain’t no good anyway.”

And we don’t think Black boys and men are affected by this, but they are. They’re affected by two ways.

One, they either say, “Fuck it. You think I’m no good anyway, so I might as well be no good.”

Or two, they say, “I’m going to prove you wrong.”

And that second saying is what gets them in worlds of trouble. How? Shut up so I can tell you.

First, let’s start with society’s definition of manhood. You know the drill. Not crying. Taking charge. Being assertive. All that jazz. And that’s fine and dandy, but when a Black male doesn’t live up to those characteristics, he’s called a “typical Black guy,” and those three quotes at the top of this blog post are reinforced.

On the other hand, when a White male doesn’t live up to those SAME characteristics, his race/ethnicity is never used as a reason to explain why he is the way he is. Nobody ever says “Blake is so unreliable and lazy. You know how White guys are.”

Instead, they say, “Malik is so unreliable and lazy. You know how Black guys are.”

So now, let’s switch up the game. You come across Khalil. He’s going to a notable university and getting his PhD in, oh I don’t know…economics or ophthalmology or something complicated like that. No criminal record. No kids. No baggy jeans. None of that. You’d think since he beat the odds, he’d be fine. Oh, but you’d be wrong. Very, very wrong.

I can almost guarantee he’s suffering in silence because nobody thinks he needs help with anything. One, because he’s male, and males should be able to do everything, and two, since he’s “one of the good Black guys,” now everyone from the President of the university to the part-time custodian wants a piece of him.

He’s rare. He’s an anomaly. And there’s no telling when another one of him will come along, so let’s all strike while the iron’s hot, shall we?

Let’s get him to be in our group for the upcoming project.

Oh, and let’s give him a job of teaching four undergraduate classes.

Oh yeah, and let’s give him this prestigious internship.

Oh wait. And let’s ask him to build a rocket ship to the moon.

Oh, and let’s assign him the task of curing cancer.

And let’s hold him responsible for solving the crisis in the Middle East.

At the same time, he’ll end world hunger.

Now, the thing is, Khalil takes on all these tasks because he doesn’t want anyone to call him lazy and unreliable. It won’t be long before he then reaches a breaking point and does something unforgivable like…showing up at the meeting at 3:07pm instead of 3:00pm. Or even worse, he asks for more time to end malaria in the South Pacific, and…

TRAGEDY! CATASTROPHE! UPHEAVAL!

The next thing you know, everyone’s rolling their eyes and sucking their teeth and saying under their breaths, “See? I knew it. He’s just like all the other ones. Ain’t no good Black men out here anyway.”

And here’s the thing. Black women go through a similar thing, but they interestingly enough do it for the opposite reason. You can find fifty million books and essays and reports about Black women trying to live up to the “strong Black woman” character, and how harmful it is…but nobody talks about how Black boys and men have intense pressure placed on them as soon as somebody sees they’re not the “typical Black guy.”

Black women try to live up to their stereotype while Black men try to avoid it.

A lot of Black boys and men in this position are deathly afraid to say no to people, because they don’t want that “typical lazy Black guy” label. They won’t say no. They’ll say yes to everyone and everything, overexert themselves, break down, and then get dismissed as a “typical lazy Black guy” anyway.

And you see it everywhere. Look at Black superheroes, for example. A lot of them don’t really have any superpowers like the White heroes have. Lasers and psychic abilities and whatnot. Their power is super-strength. Endurance. Pain tolerance. Shit like that. And even more, they’re typically the big buff guy of the group. This tells society that Black guys aren’t really good for anything mental. Their main abilities are physical.

Need to put that virus in the government computer? Get the white guy.

Need to disarm the bomb? Get the other white guy.

Need to distract the guards? Get the white girl.

Need to bust down the door? Get the black guy.

And don’t get me started on how Black athletes and rappers contribute to this.

So now that we believe black guys have all this strength and endurance and are immune to pain, there’s no reason why Khalil shouldn’t be able to discover life on another planet while working in the homeless shelter in Atlanta and helping refugees escape war-torn South America.

But let him say, “I need more time,” or “Sorry, I forgot,” then it’s all over people. Nothing to see here. Move it along. He ain’t special after all. He tricked us.

And what’s worse, a lot of Black boys and men are denied help simply because they’re male. Especially if they’re masculine Black males. Society is more comfortable with helping an overtly effeminate Black male than a traditionally masculine one, because the masculine ones are scary, threatening, and most likely up to no good.

As soon as a masculine good Black male says, “I need help,” a lot of times, the response is, “No, you don’t. You’re just not trying hard enough.”

So they don’t ask for help.

Instead, they keep hearing how proud everyone is of them. How happy they are to finally meet a good Black man. And the constant requests for help that nobody ever stops to think that he may actually need or want.

So the next time you come across one of those rare, once in a lifetime good Black guys, rather than showering him with praise and rose petals and requests, instead, ask him, “Do you need help with anything?”

He’ll say no, but do not believe him. He’s lying because he’s scared. He’s scared you’re going to sigh and roll your eyes like everyone else does.

So when he says no, let him know that you ARE willing to help him. And don’t just say that shit. Show him by taking the initiative and helping him with things he didn’t ask you to do. And don’t throw it in his face later and say “Well I did this for you!”

Just do it.

He’ll notice it. He’ll get suspicious at first and think you’re trying to get on his good side so you too can get in line and ask for something…but don’t take it personally. Just help him without being asked to. Not because it makes you feel good. But because it makes him feel good, more relaxed, and it puts him at ease. Just like he’s always doing for everyone else.

Nobody seems to think Black guys have feelings or they ever feel overexerted. Show him that he’s wrong to feel that way.

I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Being handsome has no disadvantages. It’s like being rich or white.” Truth is, there are disadvantages to everything. And being a physically attractive man has its disadvantages. Allow me to explain. Just hear me out.

First of them all, let’s be honest. There’s a strong belief among many people that men are dogs. Men are perverts. Men are sex-crazed. So much so that words like “whore” and “slut” are exclusively attributed to women for doing the same exact thing men (allegedly) do. Keeping that in mind, handsome men are even more prone to be thought of as sex-crazed and players and pimps than average or unattractive men are, because the belief is they can get women much more easily. So that’s what they’re doing.

When we see a handsome man, we immediately think, “Oh I bet he has a lot of women after him. I bet he’s juggling five or six women at a time.” Media reinforces this by showing us music videos and movies and television programs with fifty women chasing one man or dancing all over him or entering contests to be with him.

Think about that.

When have you ever in your life seen a woman literally chasing a man? Or following a man around in a store because she thinks he’s hot? Or a man with eight or nine women dancing on him in the club. Either never or practically never, right?  Unless he’s famous. But if he’s not, even handsome men don’t really get this daily level of attention in real life. Only in scripts.

Which brings me to my point.

When people see handsome men, thanks to constant media reinforcement, they believe he actually does have women literally chasing him and competing with 20 other women for his “love.” People who would otherwise like to get to know him then have their guard up and think “Well he’s not going to get me! I’ll show him!”

They’ll reject him if he does show any interest in them.

They’ll be rude to him out of revenge for all the hearts he’s broken…in their imaginations.

They’ll expect any type of interaction he initiates is actually his way of hitting on them…because that’s the only think handsome men think about, right? Sex.

He got in the elevator with you because he wants to have sex with you.

He walked down the same aisle in Wal-Mart as you because he wants to have sex with you.

He’s from the same hometown you’re from because he wants to have sex with you.

Believe it or not…and you’d be wise to believe it…one problem handsome men deal with is potential romantic partners not trusting them. That is, if they even get that far. A lot of times, they’re rejected right out the gate because the perception is “You’re a player.”

Ok, so you may be saying, “Ok, being trusted. That’s ONE downside of being handsome. But there aren’t any other ones.”

And I may be saying “You’re wrong.”

Ok, I am saying that.

So what’s another downside? People expect handsome men to be virtually flawless because that’s how they look.

Now look. EVERYONE judges people based on their physical attributes. We can all sit here and say we don’t, but we do. And I don’t mean facial features. I mean hair, clothing, weight, muscle mass…we take one look at a person’s physical characteristics and are convinced we know things about them without even asking. Think of a time where you knew of somebody that you didn’t speak to for an extended period of time. Then when you did speak to them, you realized most of your assumptions were wrong.

That’s what handsome men deal with on a daily basis. Only thing is it’s impossible for them to live up to people’s assumptions, because no two people on the planet have the same idea of what a perfect person is.

When two people see somebody they both agree is handsome, they’ll automatically attribute traits to him based on their own idea of perfection—and a lot of those traits contradict the other person’s. Person A will think, “Wow. I bet he really likes children, is highly educated, reserved, is socially conscious, has a close relationship with God, is caring, makes a lot of money, and can sing very well.” Person B will think, “Wow. I bet he’s down-to-earth, extroverted, adventurous, dominant, spends lots of time with his romantic partner, loves sports, and is very clean.”

The handsome man can’t be all of those things, because some of them contradict one another. Highly educated and loves sports? That’s very rare. Extroverted and reserved? Psyche! Makes a lot of money and spends lots of time with his romantic partner? Get real! Ok…enough slang from the early 1990s.

What I’m saying is there is absolutely no way this handsome man can meet both these people’s desires, and there’s barely a chance he’ll even meet all their individual ones. But he’s handsome…which means he must…because it’s been drilled into our heads from early childhood that attractive things and people are good, and unattractive things and people are bad. When you’re told something essentially every single day, and it’s reinforced through media, it’s close to impossible to just stop believing it at the drop of a hat.

So what happens when this handsome man does get with a romantic partner? Disappointment. The romantic partner realizes he didn’t get his bachelor’s degree from Harvard, his two master’s from Oxford, and his PhD from MIT. Oh, and he can’t sing. And sometimes he snores. He’s impatient. His handwriting is sloppy. The movies he likes aren’t that great. He called it “a glove department” rather than “a glove compartment.” He doesn’t follow politics. He can’t find Estonia on a map. He slams the door when he leaves. He leaves soap residue on the bottle and doesn’t clean it off. He laughs too hard. His ringtone is so annoying. Oh my god…he’s a normal, regular, average, everyday person with the same flaws and faults as that average-looking guy I turned down. HE TRICKED ME!

Ah, yes. Handsome men are constantly accused of “tricking” people. Tricking people into believing they have these wonderful perfect magical lives where nothing goes wrong and they never make any mistakes. That’s why women who date male celebrities known for their looks are called stupid and dumb for breaking up with them.

“Oh my god?! Why would she divorce him??! She’s crazy! Look at him!”

She divorced him for the same reason everyone else gets a divorce. She wasn’t happy. And I’m not saying she imagined him to be perfect, but the expectations handsome men have thrust on them tend to be much higher than the expectations average and unattractive men have thrust on them. This explains why handsome men tend to get away with bad behavior—it’s figured he must’ve had a good reason to do what he did, because he never does anything wrong. Average and unattractive men don’t have to live up to god-like expectations from people—especially from romantic partners.

They’re allowed to annoyingly slide their feet when they walk. But a handsome man better glide silently or he’s a trickster.

Average and unattractive men are allowed to wait until payday to do something, but handsome men better be able to drop $2,400 easily, every day, all day. Otherwise he’s a fraud.

Average and unattractive men are allowed to miss the point of what you’re saying and only focus on the easiest part to reply to, but handsome men better be able to repeat verbatim what you said. Otherwise he’s a charlatan.

Ok. So what have we covered? Handsome men must overcome the instant player accusation and they must be damn near perfect in every way, even if those ways contradict each other. Then there are the other inconveniences handsome men deal with:

Being stared at in public. Remember how irritated you got when that one person was staring at you? Now imagine it happening pretty much every day and everywhere you go.

People they’re not attracted to not taking “no” for an answer, no matter how polite or rude the handsome man is. You know that person who texts you and never has shit to say? Handsome men are talked to every day by people who don’t have shit to say.

Being flirted with when he’s not in the mood to talk to anyone. You ran into the store to get some batteries right quick, then went back home. It took the handsome man twenty extra minutes because the cashier wouldn’t stop talking to him. He just wanted batteries too, but he has to feign interest in people you walked right by and wouldn’t remember them if you saw them 15 seconds later.

Envious people trying to make his life hard. Most hiring managers are men, and if they think this candidate is handsome...well he won’t get hired because the hiring manager doesn’t want to feel self-conscious every time he sees him. Or if he does get the job, co-workers and supervisors are harder on him to show “You aren’t so great!”

The belief that if a handsome man is kind, it means he’s romantically interested. If he’s unkind, it means he’s conceited. Handsome men aren’t allowed to just be friends with people. They’re not granted that privilege because we’re told they don’t want friends. They want sex.

Loneliness. People don’t trust him and/or they ONLY want to associate with him in hopes of dating him. Nobody is genuinely interested in his well-being. Nobody feels he has real problems and needs help. Nobody texts him in a crisis.

Now you STILL may say this doesn’t seem so bad, but oh…it is. We can all think of times when people said they envied you for some reason, and you thought, “Well it’s not so great, actually.” You pointed out the downsides of whatever it was they wish they had, and they were either surprised…or they denied it. They still told you what you had was perfect, but you insisted it wasn’t. It has its good parts AND bad…but they wouldn’t hear it. It got to the point that you were annoyed at how ignorant and arrogant they were to literally tell you that your experiences are incorrect.

Most of us have fantasized about what it’d be like to be rich and famous. The paparazzi, the photoshoots, the money, the power, the adoring fans…but what we don’t seem to think about is what famous people tell us ALL THE TIME:

Being famous is unfair, AND it’s every person for himself/herself.

Now, most celebrities don’t flat out say this, but they’ll say it in roundabout ways or with cute little slogans like “Ain’t no friends in the game.”

We romanticize this and think it’s cool and trendy, but that shit would destroy 99% of us. The majority of us can’t handle the negative aspects of fame, and I’m not talking about the rumors and loss of privacy. I’m talking about how you’re essentially forfeiting loyalty and trust–which are things we regular folks take very seriously.

Allow me to explain.

In 2007, during Cycle 9 of “America’s Next Top Model,” Ebony Morgan was in the bottom two with Ambreal Williams. Ambreal was sent home, but Ebony opted to go home instead, thus allowing Ambreal to stay.

Now, five years later, during Cycle 18, Eboni Davis and Alisha White were in the bottom two. Eboni was eliminated, but Alisha opted to forfeit. Same situation, right? Well Eboni was told she’s still going home.

You may explain this away by saying “Well maybe the rules changed.” But THAT’S why you can’t handle fame, silly rabbit. You just don’t get it:

There are no rules in Hollywood.

You’re so used to rules and laws and consistency, but in the fame game, that doesn’t exist. It is solely up to Tyra Banks (and the producers) to decide whom to eliminate. It doesn’t matter if all of America says you’re the best. It doesn’t matter if the “judges” are being hypocrites. Nothing matters. You don’t matter. They don’t care about you, and that’s something most of us can’t deal with.

In fact, the winners of “Top Model” have come out and said they’re not taken seriously in the modeling world, so it’s hard for them to book jobs and gigs. And it’s not like Tyra Banks is using her name to get them jobs. She doesn’t give a damn. Their usefulness is over as far as she’s concerned. Boom. Bye. On to the next wannabe model.

I’ll give you another example.

Janet Hubert portrayed Vivian Banks on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” from 1990-1993. She once told a story how Countess Vaughn (Moesha, The Parkers, Hollywood Divas) once auditioned for a role on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” and was given the part. Now, before taping a show, the actors and actresses sit around and do what’s called a table read.

They literally sit at a table together and read the script aloud while the writers and executives and producers are there taking notes to decide what they want to change.

Anyway, Countess is there reading her lines and everyone is laughing. They love her. She’s perfect for the role and she’s excited about taping her episode. She goes home…and they never call her back. She doesn’t know what happened. Some time later, she runs into Janet and asks what happened. Janet explained that Will Smith was afraid she’d upstage him, so he had her dropped.

Nobody fought for Countess. When she got dropped, they just went on with their lives. Nobody even tried to contact her and say “Hey, look…this is what’s happening…”

Now before you say Janet is making up lies and is bitter, Countess alludes to this very story in an episode of Hollywood Divas:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04cTELr5Fxc

We regular folks aren’t used to be being treated like that. Imagine if you got a job and were told on your way home from the interview, “Actually we want somebody of a different race.” You’d sue, and win. But you can’t do that in Hollywood.

You can get fired from a movie for being too young (Stuart Townsend from “The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring”).

You can get fired and have your scenes re-done by a replacement (Chloe Grace Moretz in “Bolt”).

You can spend months recording all your lines AS THE MAIN CHARACTER and get fired because the gender of the character changes (Holly Hunter in “Chicken Little”).

It doesn’t even matter. As I said, in Hollywood, you don’t matter. Very few people actually give a damn about you. Now take this a step further and imagine being a person of color in Hollywood. Those three people I just mentioned are all white. If they’ll do that to white folks, imagine what people of color endure.

Even your bandmates who you’ve grown up and were your best friends for ten years will leave you in the dust at the drop of a hat. Remember what happened to Destiny’s Child?

If you don’t, long story short, best friends Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, LaTavia Roberson and LeToya Luckett formed a band known as Destiny’s Child. After two platinum-selling albums, one day in early 2000, their music video “Say My Name” premiered with two new members, Farrah Franklin and Michelle Williams in the band, lip-synching over LaTavia’s and LeToya’s vocals.

There was no announcement. No press conference. No nothing. Just boom. LaTavia and LeToya didn’t even know they had been fired until, like everyone else, the video premiered. After a whole bunch of back and forth and “he said, she said,” it later came out LaTavia and LeToya were having disagreements with their manager, Mathew Knowles, the father of Beyoncé. He was the group’s manager AND the manager of the four singers individually.

LaTavia and LeToya fired Mathew as their personal managers due to financial reasons and for the way he was allegedly mistreating them. He responded by hiring two new singers and the show went on until Farrah Franklin quit due to Mathew’s alleged mistreatment five months later. Destiny’s Child told the public for years that Farrah couldn’t “handle” being famous, but the truth is she asked too many questions like why was Solange Knowles (Beyoncé’s younger sister) getting a cut out of the band’s paycheck as a backup dancer when she not once danced….until after Farrah quit. She also didn’t like that she, Michelle, and Kelly had to go to tanning salons to appear darker so Beyoncé would be the lighter one, she became sick overseas and nobody seemed to care, Mathew would literally yell at her and verbally abuse her….she couldn’t take it anymore so she left.

How would you feel if you quit a job due to unfair treatment, but everyone was told it was because you “couldn’t handle” the job?

Still think you could handle it?

Ok, big shot. Try this on for size.

Karan Ashley portrayed Aisha Campbell on “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers” from 1993-1995. It’s a bit complicated, but the creator of the show was making millions of dollars from the success of the show, and the actors weren’t paid very much. Keep in mind, “Power Rangers” was one of the most successful shows in the US, and the actors’ likenesses for toys, video games, and all sorts of merchandise was being used…and they didn’t get a dime for it. In fact, Walter Emmanuel Jones portrayed Zack Taylor from 1993-1994 in 81 episodes, and lived with roommates the entire time. That’s how little he was paid.

When 20th Century Fox approached “Power Rangers” to make a movie, the actors were severely lowballed with how much they’d get paid. He, along with co-stars Thuy Trang and Austin St. John asked for more, they were rejected, so they quit. Karan Ashley, Steve Cardenas, and Johnny Yong Bosch (who is half-Korean and was told by producers to use his mother’s maiden name of Yong in his name to seem more Asian…because, I guess, nobody can tell you’re Asian unless your mother says so) were immediately hired as replacements and filmed the movie.

Anyway, in 1995, Karan Ashley wants to be let go from the show. Not only do they film for about 16hrs per day, but again, the pay is low. She’s told her character will be given a ten-episode story that will have her leave the series.

So the actors go on a much needed two-week break after 61 episodes, and when they return, Karan is told “Oh, we don’t need you anymore. You can go.” Just like that. No ten-episode story. No going-away party. No nothing. Boom. Gone. Bye. And the show just went on without her.

I could go on and on with similar stories.

Mo’Nique’s show being cancelled despite being the top-rated show on BET at the time of its cancellation.

Cree Summer being fired from playing Meg on “Family Guy” as she’s on her way to work.

John Amos and Esther Rolle being fired from “Good Times” after complaining the JJ Evans character was stereotypical, but the press being told they were envious of the character’s success.

Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at 16 years old, so all the actors lose their jobs on “Zoey 101.”  

But I’m telling you these stories to say being famous is simply not fair.

You get fired from jobs for reasons that aren’t your fault. Promises are routinely broken. Your friends and co-workers don’t stick up for you. There’s no consistency. People say one thing and do another all the time. You’re lied to all the time. And nobody cares because it’s done to them, too.

Think of all the times you were treated unfairly or lied on or lied to or did a whole bunch of work for nothing…now imagine that happening pretty much every single day.

Ok. So for those unfamiliar with HBCUs, the acronym is Historically Black Colleges & Universities. And for those who don’t know, this does not mean ONLY black people are allowed to attend. It means historically speaking, the majority of students at HBCUs have been black.

Why? Because of slavery.

After slavery officially ended on December 6, 1865 with the ratification of the 13th Amendment, Southern whites still had animosity towards blacks. Contrary to popular belief, slavery was actually pretty rare. Most people didn’t have slaves, and those who did owned maybe two or three. When you think about it, owning a slave was expensive. Sure you didn’t pay them, but you’d have to feed, clothe, and keep them in at least decent health.

In a sense, the Civil War wasn’t about slavery. I mean it was. That’s what the main reason for it was, but the deeper issue was Southerners wanting to maintain white supremacy. Most didn’t own slaves, but they knew if slavery were abolished, it wouldn’t be long before blacks were granted the rights they had. That’s what they were against. This explains the Jim Crow era that came shortly afterwards. It was a way to maintain a sense of white supremacy after slavery.

Anyway, three HBCUs (Cheyney, Lincoln, and Wilberforce) were founded before 1865. They were created to educate blacks since blacks weren’t allowed to go to school with whites. After the Civil War, all other HBCUs were founded because, again, blacks weren’t allowed to attend school with whites. This is why most HBCUs are in the South, since that’s where the blacks were living.

Ok. Now we got that out the way. Time for the good stuff. Why are they so ghetto and unorganized? The easy and popular reason is because blacks don’t know how to do anything and can’t be trusted. The hard and unpopular reason is something much simpler: Money.

Allow me to explain, because it’s not as simple as you may think. **Left Eye voice** And everyone get ready to do your math!

Ok. So how do colleges and universities make their money? A private school like Howard University relies on tuition, whereas a public school like Grambling State University gets its funding from tuition AND its state government. Public colleges and universities also have board members and trustees to supervise them. Private schools only rely on tuition and private contributions.

Ok, so now we have that part settled.

So now let’s keep looking at Howard and Grambling State. The cost to attend Howard right now is $43,500 if you’re a full-time student living on campus.

For Grambling State, it’s $11,590.

Now if you’re the average black person and you want to send your child to Grambling State, writing a check for $11,590 is far beyond your means. As a matter of fact, it’s beyond most people’s needs regardless of race or ethnicity. Same thing goes for Howard. Most people can’t just write a check for $43,500.

So what do you do?

Financial aid!

The federal government loans you the money to pay your tuition, and you pay it back after you graduate…or drop out.

But what that means is the school you’re attending doesn’t get your tuition money. Since it’s not getting the money right away, it has to scale back its operating costs it would’ve paid for out of your tuition money.

Now let’s say you come from a family that actually can afford to send you to Howard and pay the tuition by writing a check. Your family would have to be making like $250,000/yr and up. If you come from a family that earns a quarter of a million dollars, your lifestyle would not match that of the majority of your classmates at HBCUs or most colleges and universities.

With that said, the chances of you WANTING to attend an HBCU or a non-elite college/university would be minuscule. You’d be used to living in a gated community, European vacations, elite boarding schools, high-end possessions…basically, a life of exclusivity. You typically get to do things the vast majority of people don’t.

The schools you’d want to attend are schools like Harvard University ($72,000/yr), Oxford University (approx. $11,700. Remember European schools are MUCH cheaper than American ones) MIT($48,450), Stanford University ($46,300), Duke University ($53,700), Imperial College of London (approx. $12,000) …not just because of the name and their stellar reputations, but because these schools can afford to give students the kind of lives they’ve always lived: Manicured lawns, first-class meals, superior technology, minimal safety issues, world-renowned guest speakers…and the reason the schools can afford all of this is because the students are paying their tuition bills out of pocket. They’re not relying on government loans.

And when you’re in the upper class, you’re not necessarily smarter than middle, lower, and working class people. You just have access to things that allow you to get into these elite schools.

You get to take expensive courses that help you do well on the SAT while everyone else is working at Burger King after school.

You get to do unpaid summer internships anywhere you want while everyone else is working at Wal-Mart during the summer.

You get to play lacrosse or join the chess club and compete all over the country while everyone else has to be home to watch their siblings while their single mom is still at work.

So when you apply to MIT or Duke or NYU, you’ll have so much to put on your application that the middle, lower, and working classes don’t.

These classes go to schools like Howard, Norfolk State, FAMU, and Jackson State University. The faculty and staff at HBCUs are typically overworked and underpaid. Why? I just told you. The students can’t (technically) afford to pay to attend, so the schools cut back on expenses to stay afloat.

That’s why a secretary at MIT making $80,500/yr has a higher level of professionalism than one at Shaw University making $38,000/yr. The MIT one knows he/she needs that job to maintain his/her nice lifestyle, so he/she is going to be the perfect secretary at all times.

No phone call will be ignored. No email will go unanswered.

He/she wants to keep that expensive car and expensive home and expensive clothes and expensive food.

On the other hand, the Shaw secretary can quit and make the same (or a little more) as an assistant manager at The Gap. He/she isn’t exactly dying to keep his/her job when another one is right around the corner at around the same wage.

Besides. He/she is taking the bus to and from work. Buying clothes from Marshalls. Eating at Taco Bell. Not to mention rent, utilities, the expenses of childcare…he/she is living paycheck to paycheck.You really think somebody like that will have the same mindset of an employee working at a world famous school where only 5% of applicants are accepted, and the majority of them pay out tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket???

So I say all that to say that yes, HBCUs are notoriously “ghetto,” but it’s not because black people are in charge. It’s because most students attending them cannot afford to give the schools the money they need to have manicured lawns and pristine water fountains and five-star meals and printers that don’t break or Internet that doesn’t go out or faculty and staff that actually want their jobs.

And when you add in the systemic racism blacks have been facing since 1619, you can see why most aren’t making $250,000/yr.

Ask any highly successful person, and they’ll have plenty of stories about how they were denied something they actually deserved: A job. An award. Recognition. Credit. But they still made it to the top despite that.

If you’re on your way up, you’ll meet several kinds of people, and some of the worst ones are the ones who refuse to give you what you deserve. You could be the best candidate for a job, and they’ll still give it to somebody else.

You could have the best idea in the room, and they’ll say it’s a bad idea and then later on steal it and say it was theirs.

You could meet all the criteria, and they’ll come up with some BS reason not to give you what was promised.

Why?

Because they’re haters, plain and simple.

But it goes a little deeper than that. You see, you did something they didn’t think you would ever do. Be it because of your race, age, gender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation, nationality…whatever. There’s something about you that they’re convinced should’ve kept you from achieving your goal…but it didn’t, and now they’re pissed off.

To get revenge, they’ll try to get you where they think it’ll hurt the most. They won’t give you that job or that award or that credit or whatever because they think by doing that, they’ll stop you forever. Then they’ll turn around and say to their friends “See? People with XYZ attribute never achieve this goal.” When the truth is they actively stopped you BECAUSE of that attribute, whether it be race, gender, age, etc.

Naturally, you’ll get upset because of the unfairness…but here’s the thing:

You must let them keep what you deserve from you. You read it right. Allow them to deny you what you deserve.

Why?

Because if you truly have the skills and attributes they say you don’t have, those skills and attributes will take you so much farther than where you are now. They’ll take you so far that you’ll forget all about that thing you were denied. You won’t even want it anymore because it’ll pale in comparison to what you have down the road.

And then, if your paths ever cross, that person who tried to keep what you should’ve had will then want to get into your good graces and will foolishly offer it to you.

“Hey…remember a long time ago when I gave XYZ to that other person? Well you can have it now.” 😊

This is pitiful. And it’s insulting because they honestly believe you still care about it. They think you care so much about it that if they give it to you now, after EVERYTHING else you’ve seen and done and experienced after all this time…they think they can now give it to you and then join your entourage and enjoy the fruits of your labor…the labor they once said you weren’t capable of doing.

Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids.

You’ve moved so beyond that, and that person hasn’t. They’re still stuck in the same position in life that the ceiling to them is the ground to you. That’s why they think you still care about it and you still want it because to them, it’s important.

Well it’s not.

And life was trying to tell you it wasn’t important. Life was saying “This is nothing. You’ll get much better things. Just wait.”

Now before you say I’m wrong, allow me to plead my case so you’ll see that you’re wrong about that, too.

Do you know who Kazuo Hirai is? If he walked by you, would you know? No, you wouldn’t. Now do you know who Beyonce Knowles is? If she walked by you, would you know? Yes, you would.

Now what do these two people have in common? Very little…except she answers to him.

How, you ask? Because Beyoncé founded Parkwood Entertainment, which is owned by Sony, which Mr. Hirai is the president and the CEO of.

But you see, the media doesn’t tell you that. It would rather you believe Beyonce and all these other famous people you see on TV all day and night do whatever they want and have all this freedom.

Let me give you another example.

Who is John Bilbrey? You don’t know. Well he’s the the man Chance the Rapper (an independent vocal artist) answers to. Why? Because John Bilbrey is the president and CEO of The Hershey Company, which owns Kit-Kat, which Chance the Rapper is out here selling. And when you’re out here selling a person’s product, there are a lot of rules you must follow. Chance the Rapper is NOT allowed to be in any sort of position where it seems he’s endorsing the competition.

So Mars Bars is the competition. Chance better not even touch anything by:

M&M 3Musketeers Milky Way Twix Uncle Ben’s Iams Doublemint Skittles Starburst…

The list goes on. He likely can’t even mention them in an interview or song in certain aspects. So much for being “independent,” right?

Back to Beyonce. She founded the Ivy Park clothing line, which is owned by TopShop, which is ran by Ian Grabiner…somebody you don’t know. But if Ian Grabiner tells Beyonce to do something with her clothing line, she better do it.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I want you to do something. Google Ian Grabiner, John Bilbrey, and Kazuo Hirai. Just to see what they look like. ……. Got it? Good. Now how many people do you know say things like “Oh my god! I want a relationship like Ian and Tracy Grabiner!” Nobody says that shit. Now go Google her. You can’t even really find pictures of her.

See if you can find a picture of Kazuo Hirai’s wife, Riko. You see her? Do you know anybody copying her style? Trying to be like her? Wanting to have a “Kazuo and Riko” relationship? No.

This is intentional, folks. The reason Kazuo and Ian and John are all up there is because they don’t behave like their employees–but they want you to behave like their employees.

Why?

So you’ll stay down here and they’ll stay up there. All the shit you do to imitate your idols has gotten you nowhere. These presidents and CEOs and directors know who to employ. They employ people who will follow orders and say and do what they’re told.

Sing about this. Rap about that. Dress like this. Act like that. Your idols are told what to do because their bosses want you to imitate them. And by you imitating the idols, the bosses are ensuring you stay as far away from their own positions as possible.

You’re being neutralized by saying you want a man like Chris Brown. You’re being neutralized by trying to be like Katy Perry on Instagram. You’re being neutralized by arguing over who should’ve won Album of the Year.

You really think Ian Grabiner is tweeting (or caring) all day about who “Becky with the good hair” is? Or if being pregnant makes you a goddess?

Fuck no.

You think the CEOs of any Fortune 500 companies are standing in line for Jordan’s? Arguing on Twitter about which Bad Girls Club cast member is a bigger hoe? Getting mad because somebody stole their idea for a new YouTube Challenge? Trying to get a whole bunch of likes for their new Instagram post? Catfishing? Screenshotting how many unread texts they have? Taking sides over two famous people’s divorce?

They don’t do any of that shit because it gets them nowhere.

But you do that shit. And that’s just what the Elites want.

You see, the Elites have you fooled into thinking your idols are the Elites. Well, they’re not. Your idols answer to people who are REALLY running the show–and you don’t even know who these people are.

THOSE people are the Elites. Your idols are just one step above you in the societal hierarchy, but the gag is to make you think they’re so beyond you so you’ll worship them. Your idols are actually a lot closer to you than you think. The Elites essentially see you and them as one and the same.

That’s why there are new idols out every time you turn around. Some stay longer than others, but there’s always a hot new actor/actress. A hot new model. A hot new reality show star. A hot new rapper. Whatever.

And each time one comes out, here you go imitating and worshipping and idolizing. But that’s smoke and mirrors. Your idols don’t really live the way they do in their music videos and commercials and movies.

They lie.

They lie so you’ll run yourself broke and depressed trying to be like them.

You try to dress like them.

Live like them.

Follow their rules about life.

Do your hair like them.

Sound like them.

Look like them.

You do whatever they say, and at the end of the day, it leaves you broke and depressed because that life isn’t possible. They only look and act like that a few hours a day, and a few times a month while you’re trying to be that way 24/hrs a day, 365 days a year. 366 on a leap year. And if you’re broke and depressed, you don’t threaten to one day take over Sony…or TopShop….or Hershey’s….

You may think successful people are selfish, but they’re not. They literally cannot afford to be. They have far too many responsibilities. They only seem selfish because they’re not doing what YOU want them to do, and you’re not successful because all you do is what YOU want to do.

Allow me to explain.

People who are highly successful in their careers are constantly doing things other people want them to do. Think about it.

Successful vocal artists have album deadlines they must meet, music videos they must shoot, concerts they must perform at, photo shoots they must do, interviews they must do…

Successful business owners have (a lot of) expenses they must pay, advertisements they must see and approve of, meetings they must attend, strategies they must come up with…

Successful athletes have trainings they must go to, interviews they must do, games they must play in, commercials they must do for sponsors…

Successful doctors have patients they must see, conferences they must attend, licenses they must get renewed, medical journals they must read…

You get the idea. They’re constantly doing things for other people. Sure they benefit from these things, but they’re still things they have to do whether they feel like it or not. They don’t get to pick where. They don’t get to pick how. And they definitely don’t get to pick when they do them. Sometimes they do have a little choice, but for the most part, they have very little say. The people who they’re doing these things for have more say.

And then there’s your ass.

You claim you want to be a successful preacher or singer or architect or environmentalist or whatever the hell you want to do.

But you can’t even get to work on time because you stayed out last night playing.

You don’t even reply to emails or texts because you “don’t feel like it.”

You still haven’t gone to the grocery store because you “aren’t in the mood.”

You didn’t read that one article because it was “too long” and you “didn’t feel like it.”

You didn’t study for that exam because that TV show was on and you’d rather live tweet it.

Simple little shit you refuse to do for the simple fact you don’t want to. That’s what it boils down to. Essentially, you’re doing what you want to do…and where has that gotten you? Nowhere special. That’s why you’ll never make it to the top. You’re selfish as hell.

Nobody’s going to trust you to do a 54 city tour if they can’t trust you to text them back because you didn’t feel like it.

Nobody’s going to trust you to run a five star hotel if they can’t trust you to read those chapters for class because you didn’t feel like it.

A medical board won’t trust you to operate on a person’s lungs at 3am if you haven’t cleaned your car in three months because you “didn’t feel like it.”

And don’t hit me with the “I was busy” bullshit. You make time for what you want to do–and it’s funny you always have time to do what you want to do, but never have time to do what somebody else wants you to do.

Once you have that discipline to do little things you don’t want to do, you’ll eventually have the discipline to do big things you don’t want to do. And important people will trust you to do those big things. Right now, nobody important trusts you to do those big things.

And why should they?

All you’ve shown is you’re good at doing what you want to do, when you want to, and how you want to.

Ain’t no way in hell somebody’s going to let you star in a movie with a $45,000,000 budget when that’s your attitude. You may not even show up to rehearsals, or even worse, you may not even memorize your lines.

So what’s the solution? You must start doing shit you don’t feel like doing. Study for that exam instead of live tweeting Love & Hip Hop. Respond to that text instead of ignoring it so you can play that video game. Read that book about your career choice instead of scrolling through Instagram and getting nothing done.

You think these successful doctors and lawyers and politicians and scientists and journalists ALWAYS feel like doing everything you see them doing?

Chile, please.

That’s you.