tabloid drama surrounding padmé’s pregnancy has the entire galaxy convinced that clovis is the father, and that there was some sort of steamy love affair between them - which she can’t confirm or deny lest people start suspecting her close friendship with a certain jedi

and anakin going crazy wanting to rip his hair out when people around him gossip about it or he sees it plastered all over the holo news because he can’t say anything or risk expulsion from the order

and obi-wan, who at this point has figured it out, reminds him of it constantly just to watch him turn red and blow steam out of his ears

like he just silently pulls out a trashy magazine with padmé and clovis on the front and pretends to be flipping the pages whenever anakin is in sight

and cody, who knows exactly what obi is doing, joins in

“i always knew they were a thing, sir”

“oh, anyone could see that, cody. they do make a handsome couple!”

anakin:

ok awesome

so i have finished a psychological thriller novel, and have begun the process of doing research so i can prepare to query agents. now, my novel has some pretty intense triggers in it, so i am aware it’s a bit of a hard sell– that being said, many agents have a “do not send me your novel if it has these things” list, so that’s what I’m looking for so i don’t accidentally trigger someone.

so i’m going down this list, and i find this agent. their “do not send me” list includes the following: non-consent/sexual violence, age gaps, teacher/student relationships, stalkers, cheating, everyone dies at the end, miscarriage/pregnancy, and abuse masked as love.

okay, cool! everyone has different tolerances for stuff, and it’s perfectly reasonable to not want to be involved with a story that has stuff you’re uncomfortable with. not the agent for me, but good on them for defining their boundaries.

but then i scroll back up and they’re requesting for gothic horror.

excuse me?????????

gothic horror without pregnancy or miscarriage? gothic horror without cheating? without stalking? gothic horror without major character deaths? GOTHIC HORROR WITHOUT ABUSE BEING FRAMED AS LOVE AND THE INTERROGATION OF THAT DYNAMIC?????

HEY CAN I GET A GOTHIC HORROR WITH NOTHING???

Master Manipulator, Galactic Emperor, and Sith Lord Sheev "Sidious" Palpatine: "You completely failed to properly secure the boy's friends (and, in fact, gave one of them away to a bounty hunter) and didn't use them as hostages to make him surrender without a fight, and instead ended up chopping off his hand?!"

Darth Vader, who is unfortunately also Anakin Skywalker: "Yes."

Palpatine: "...Was this all before or AFTER you finally revealed to him that you are his father and that Obi-Wan Kenobi was a liar who was trying to use him?"

Vader: "Before."

a good time;

Has exactly the tropes you like and the characterization you want to read;

Gratification: yes you did finish a thing and yes you did do good;

just a very fun time all around.

Cons of re-reading your own fic: