Strength of the Spear

I would gladly relive every bad experience I've had for the last 20 years if I could see my cat one more time

Wish that the things I loved about myself weighed more than all the things that I hate about myself

at work for the first time since what happened the other day and I was busy for awhile but now ive just been sitting alone and have to keep cutting myself off from bawling so instead I just feel nauseous very cool

Randomly thinkin' about all the times I fell really hard for someone but worked myself up so much that I was too nervous to ever say anything, versus the times I did and they turned out to be an abusive or manipulative sociopath (or just basic cruddy person). Wondering if I were less of an anxiety disaster if any in the former category would have actually worked out nicely and I'd have at least gotten a brief experience of a halfway decent relationship lol

tfw you remember your login info

Tfw you see someone really cute and just wish you could hold hands 🙃

or like, they’ll just feel really bad and i don’t want them to just FEEL BAD bc the moment’s already passed, that doesn’t fix anything? i can’t change that they ruined this experience and will never get an opportunity to watch it for the first time again, so what does telling them i’m upset even do? nothing at all?? then it’s pointless.

i also hate that i am so upset over something like this and also hate that i won’t say anything about it bc while i am upset over it, it is something that i just inherently expect other people would not see as something worth getting so upset over and therefore won’t care i said so/would be confused i’m so upset in the first place

idk is it rude to tell your friends “hey maybe the movie would have made more sense to you if you didn’t talk over all of the important parts”?

i guess on top of what i was already frustrated with i’m frustrated when someone’s response to not understanding a plot element right away is to instantly go “this is bad, this is stupid, i disagree, etc. etc.”