I am the Bean Wizard™

Sometimes you just gotta stand up from your desk at work and scream profanities at the overhead lights that buzz obnoxiously above your head, you know?

What even is tumblr if not a lifeless caricature of social delinquency upon which I spew my tomfoolery

It has come to my attention that I have an unhealthy obsession with the Owl House

Just here to report that the keyboard at work is so unutterably ancient that I dislocated two of my fingers pressing down on the keys (jk i have EDS... My fingers dislocate if I breathe too hard)... I currently have them stinted together with rubber bands because my dipshit coworker stole all my scotch tape (fuck you brad)

there is a microwave in the employee lounge that i firmly believe is from the 1970s and, personally, that makes me uncomfortable

Man i sure do love my job where i get paid to sit at a desk in an office with no background music and do absolute fuck all on my phone for 7 hours straight

there is a small child making uncomfortable amounts of eye contact with me from the opposite end of the tax office pls send help

I, a lactose intolerant individual, have made the foolish mistake of not ordering my peppermint mocha with oatmilk. God himself has informed me i am playing with fire, but little does he know that I am a pyromaniac with no sense of self-preservation. Anyways I am going to the bathroom to suffer, does anyone want anything

I feel like shitposting and no amount of prozac will stop me

I have returned from the abyss

Today i made a chore rotation spreadsheet for me and my roommates and personally i think that's very slay of me

It baffles me when people idk follow my tumblr shitpost account. Like sir what are you doing here, there is nothing for you here, this place is a dumpster fire at best