I Am Perfect Porcelain

Hi. I'm Kathryn I'm 22 years old. I'm single, but who cares. ( I sorta do) lol. Cat mom of 3 2 girls (Rosie, Stormy and a boy Rudy). Anyways. I'm a Wisconsin girl born and raised but I live in Florida in a small town on the coast of the gulf of Mexico. I have mainly two friends I hang out with these past 4 years who I care for immensely. But finding anyone else to be friends with and a relationship with has been so difficult. Mainly my trust issues, but also mainly because I can't connect with anyone. I find it hard because every guy I've been with is always the same, sex is all they want and nothing of an actual relationship comes to life. Half the time I have absolutely no sex drive. Doesn't matter if I'm with the person I like.. I sometimes just don't have these urges that I feel like most people do...i don't care that I don't have them either. Sex is the last thing I think of when it comes to meeting someone. I want a friendship that goes beyond the sex! And have the sex come later. I want a best friend that can love me all the ways before loving me that way. I have a hard time making friends. So a lot of the time I'm with my mom and dad. I work part time. I smoke weed part time. I feel succludded at times. Just where I have absolutely no motivation or drive to do anything. Sometimes just going to work for 5 hrs is a hassle for me. Why? It feels like my life is falling apart around me. My happiness is draining, and my fight to remain positive is fizzling. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to stay afloat in these choppy waters of life but I keep getting all this water in my lungs. I am really praying for a come up. I need some help. I need the universe to throw me a bone. I want to leave Florida. I want to leave this life. I need change. And I need some hope. I'm sad and depressed and I'm drowning.

I needed somewhere to put this. And it's been a while. So. Here. I don't know who might read this. But. I just... Here it is.

I'm not great at trying to explain myself and my feelings. And there is so much more to my problems in my. Life than finding love. I find enough love from my friends to be enough until I find the right someone.

I love my parents immensely

I love my cats more than anything on this planet. They are the loves of my life and I would be nothing without them.

My parents are currently both unemployed. We're behind on rent and we're at the point where we need to move from where we are. We can't take our cats to the place we would move to. And I can't get rid of my cats cause they are my babies. I have so much stress and I have no idea how my parents dug ourselves into this big of a hole.

Did I mention I had gallbladder surgery a week before this is all happening? Great. So I just got cleared to go back to work and I've applied to new places everyday I will probably apply to more today.

Why is life so complicated. And why are we having the struggles we do all the time? It's always car tires. Or money problems. Or being robbed. Or our landlord always being in our business. Or my mom not being able to get treated for her pain. I hate this life. How could someone be happy with all this shit happening? Anyways.