Stupidest arguments the Hollanovs have gotten into since their gay shotgun wedding (The shotgun in this case being not an unplanned pregnancy, but medical power of attorney):
- How the word 'Ibiza' is pronounced
- Whether or not silicone-based lubricant counts as a liquid vis a vis CATSA regulations
- Whether or not it is acceptable for Ilya to free up suitcase space by not packing underwear
- A recurring argument that is now simply known as the Skin Cancer Fight, which resulted in the purchase of four different bottles of sunscreen.
- Ilya wants to wear coordinating outfits so that they can do the Pink and White fit check TikTok meme. Shane tells him with his mouth that this is stupid and secretly wants to do it so badly that he emails his stylist from 2017.
- No Ilya Anya cannot come to Spain (x8)
- Ilya hides Shane's neck pillow because he wants Shane to use him as a pillow. Shane buys a new one at the airport and Ilya doesn't speak to him for an hour (Gives up eventually because he's bored.)
- "Hollander, I don't think CATSA will care enough to search your bag unless the butt plug is shaped like bomb--" "Ilya you can't say that word in a fucking airport--"
- Flavor of gum to chew to make their ears pop on the plane.
- Ilya spends the entire month pre-honeymoon on a relentless campaign to convince Shane to join the mile high club. Shane ducks and weaves like his fucking life depends on it until they get into a whisper-shout argument about it on Shane's parents' back porch the night before they leave. Argument ends when Shane snaps, "Of course I think it would be hot!" and Ilya laughs for so long he has to sit down.
- Does a very quick and silent handjob underneath a blanket in the back row of first class count as joining the mile high club? A debate that gives them a good hour of entertainment.
- Shane does not want to go to a nude beach. Ilya thinks that this is because he's a prude (he's fucking not) and they argue about that (He undresses in front of twenty other guys for a living Ilya.) until Shane admits that he's worried about how jealous it will make him when Ilya's insane ass is inevitably the star of the show on the gay nude beach.
- "I did not think you noticed these things, lyubimyy." "Fuck you, I may be a bottom but I'm still a man and I'm not fucking blind--" (New Argument+)
- "How was I supposed to know that hair mousse counts as liquid?? Is not liquid when it comes out! Is mousse."
- Argument that is triggered when Shane realizes that Ilya has been keeping him occupied with stupid silly spats so that he doesn't make himself insane with anxiety over the continued fallout from events pre-wedding until they are in a private villa on the Mediterranean Sea about a million miles from anyone who cares about hockey.
- "Ahh so this is why they call it honeymoon. Because you are sweet like honey and you are showing me your--" [Long, muffled groan]
tangentwithtanner
dededos
dailybridgerton
prguitarman
romaincrisis
origamiaround
