Flemish Derp

Liliya Rozanova is browsing Instagram when she runs into a reel of a couple of women yelling-singing one of her songs in a locker room. There's a blond woman and a black woman, both in sweaty sports bras and sweats, mashed against each other, absolutely trashing the song. She's about to dismiss the video as adorable but not much more when the camera pans to another woman standing nearby. Her arms are crossed and she has a stern face on with a smile threatening to break, and Liliya thinks, oh. Who is that.

That, she discovers later, is Jane Hollander, captain of the Montreal Victoire. She's everything Liliya loves in the women she sleeps with: beautiful and muscled. In the video, she's in head-to-toe compression garments, and they highlight her thick thighs and calves, her strong arms and wide shoulders, the ridges of her stomach and even chest. Liliya immediately seeks more photos and videos of her, practically fanning herself.

There are no indicators whether Jane Hollander is actually into women, but Liliya is willing to risk life and limb to at least get her to question her presumed heterosexuality. She likes the video on Hailey Pike's account, finds Jane Hollander's account through her, and presses "follow."

This, of course, is immediately picked up by fan accounts of hers, which Liliya knew would happen and was counting on it. She is sure Jane Hollander would hear about it in no time, if she didn't notice it herself. By the next day, Hollander follows her back, and Liliya wastes no time sliding into her DMs.

They manage to meet up when the Victoire are on a long roadie to the East Coast. Hollander looks tired when Liliya meets her in the secluded table she got them, but thrilled to see her nonetheless. Liliya is immediately enchanted by her. Hollander has a quiet, rather monotone voice, and she admits she knows her music but is even more tone deaf than her teammates. The palm of her hand is thick with calluses when Liliya takes it mid-evening.

Liliya takes her home and is shocked to discover Jane Hollander has an oral fetish for the ages. Her vagina feels raw by the time they part in the following morning. She has to restrain herself from stopping Hollander from getting into her car back. She already has her assistant on the phone, juxtaposing her schedule with the Victoire season, figuring out how she can see Hollander again.

They've been fucking for months in different towns when Liliya wants to make it official. She's done pretending she wants anyone else. Jane Hollander has her in her rough, gentle palms. Liliya has already written an embarrassing amount of love songs about her. They also happen to be smash hits. Every single one. They make Jane blush a deep scarlet when Liliya tells her they're about her. She's got other female pop stars asking her what the fuck she's been on, with a writing streak like that. Liliya simply answers "Jane Hollander's face."

It takes an inordinate amount of cross-management cooperation and a lot of waffling about, but in the end, they have a strategy. Jane asks for a trade to NY to be closer to Liliya, and Liliya posts a photo of herself in Jane's jersey and not much else, with a caption underneath, "my captain." Every single gossip and sports outlet on the planet picks it up. By the next hour, every person with even half an interest in hockey and/or pop music knows they are involved. Jane immediately becomes a mega-celeb and goes into hiding (which was planned but still came as a shock).