random thoughts

Bright day isn't it?

It's going to be a bright night too

Cause it is the festival of lights

The light that is you.

Shining as bright as always

It's a new Era for you

For you shall rise to your glory

And your dreams shall become true.

Prophecies have been told

You are the one to behold.

The boy is a liar who wants nothing for himself

Tries his best to solve problem 's even if it's not his own

And then he says he is someone that tends to spoil things

How can someone when all he wants is to do good

Alas, a liar he is.

I knew an innocent boy once

He is still there I know

He doesn't wanna see me but I do

I have lost all hope  

I’m not sad neither broken 

just numb 

i don’t know which is worse.

I ask myself 

how many times does it have to happen before u give up

i guess i have reached a point

 where u being here doesn’t matter anymore

the only thing keeping me is the commitment that i made 

Hoping these sleepless nights would go away.

Hoping u hadn't given up this easily.Im full of self doubt n hatred ,

Am I this worthless That u never tried to keep me,always gave up on me?

Why was it always this one-sided, is a friendship one-sided too?

I know I gave it my all u couldn't take mine once when I was a fault?

U left me at my lowest

Didn't u think I will need u, couldn't u keep ur ego aside and think i should be there?

Couldn't u just think how troubled I would be

I hate that u did this

U added to my problems but how could u aren't u my problem solver?

I didn't say anything because it will sound like an excuse to my apology

But how could u do this to me?

Are u the one who I considered my friend or are u an imposter?

My friend is thoughtful af he will never do this, i think he cared

But yeah he said If he is done n gets angry he ghosts people

I just didn't think he would do that to me

And I know it's pathetic to use anxiety as an excuse, but he knew it's way more difficult for me

Still he would do this

Now I'm all alone

I'm scared af

But now I'm even more determined to make something out of my college life

He can go fuck himself.

One, where I hate myself for what I have done wishing some of it could be undone

The other, where I wish u stayed and cared just a bit more even if it was out of ur comfort zone

I know it is a lot to expect , maybe I was expecting all this while even when I said otherwise

Yes,yes I know

I know u don't want me around , I'm someone even I don't want around.

As all my predictions have actually become true, could I be a fortune teller if I tried to?

Maybe not, because I was stating the present and not the future

As I knew it in my mind that I wasn't worth it all this while

And here I always thought it wouldn't hurt to be right.

I know it was the right thing to do 

but I was hurting 

you knew,

and you did it anyways

Maybe it's a lesson

A sign

To leave when there is still time

Maybe then it wouldn't hurt this bad

Yes, yes I know

I know u don't want me around, I'm someone even I don't want around .

Not caring despite knowing the consequences

Is this a state of unconsciousness

I know not

I choose the things I do and I know they are wrong

How do I pass this

How to make things dawn on me

Not commit the same mistakes

Take action.

I keep failing

I think I try

Maybe not enough

How do I pass this.

Tomorrow shall be different

I am going to keep trying.

Something feels wrong

Make u feel like the best person in the world,

U don't value it,

Until u don't receive it anymore.

I think they don't,

The flowers tell me,

They do.

I don't want u to turn,

But u do.

I am fading into the darkness,

I call your name,

You turn back,

But u cannot see me,

For I have faded,

So much so,

That I have become part of the darkness.

I worry

I don't want to be part of darkness

I want to be visible to u

I want to shine like the stars in the darkness.

I worry