talk about quality shit

for real though, guys… can we just talk about how tragic illumi actually is? i do not want to delve too far into my headcanons here, but i think that it is safe to assume that illumi had one of, if not The, most difficult childhood of the zoldycks. he was raised by parents who had absolutely no concept of love. he probablt believed that the only reaosn he was born was to inherit the family business and nothing more. he was trained violently and rigorously, but his parents did not know how far was TOO far for a child, so he was constantly abused to the point where i dont reallt know how he survived it.

he has Never had a realistic concept of what love is. im not even talking about romantically here. i mean familial love. 

yes. he is an abuser. he is a manipulator. he traumatized killua. i am not excusing that. but before u use that to hate him as a character, u have to understand…. what else is he supposed to know? he was surrounded by nothing else as a child and growing up. he had no friends. he had nobody. his family was his life, they were his entire world. to him, losing his brother who did not even love him was like losing a part of his universe. so he did all he knew to do to get that part of his life back.

shipping aside, illumi’s complicated relationship with hisoka further exemplifies how warped his perspective on life and love is. i dont really feel like going into this in this post because im getting tired and just ranting at this point, but their relationship proves that illumi’s idea of “love” is just… business. outside of his family, human life has little to no value. it goes beyond him being an assassin. hisoka, his “friend”, is merely .. a business partner. yet they relate that to engagement ? they believe that offering their lives LITERALLy is the pinnacle of what it means to love someone ? 

THis is what it means to be a zoldyck . THIS is who killua would be if it were not for gon and the others. illumi’s childhood was a failed experiment in our eyes. they were training a machine. they hollowed out everything that made him human and replaced it with murderous intent and a warped perspective on what makes us love and care for others. he is a shell of a man and i do not believe that his character will develop from it.

which is a shame, because i believe that there is a chance for someone to teach him what it means to love . it would be a slow process, and it doesnt have to be exclusivelt romantic or familial. i just believe that the true victim of this show , illumi zoldyck , deserves to be given more depth. he deserves a redemption arc. he deserves a chance to become an ally to the younger boys.

i mean. zuko got one. so why cant illumi ???

1- Birthday picture for an OC I meant to finish on September 19th.