❄ 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ∕ sɴᴏᴡ

me and my friend decided to make stardew back in october, but it ended up being a lot more than what my friend, and i, could handle so i brought in some people i thought were my friends to help me run it. we had our issues, we didn’t do everything that we should’ve and we had a SHIT reputation that we 100% deserved. it made me wary of adminning, so i kind of spaced a little bit (which was easy to do being back home without decent internet to even run tumblr)

fast forward a few months and we bring on a new admin, B. (this happen about two weeks ago, i believe). everything was fine and chill and we were just vibing while my other two admins, C and B1, needed the extra help because i was slacking in the admin department. which, i don’t blame them for. B1 decided to bring in B as an admin while i was asleep, without asking me or C about it. at that point, the logins had been shared and it was too late for me to voice my concern or unwant for it because she was already acting as admin. 

i was already in a pretty bad mental space with other stuff that had been going on and i was sick, so i was very on the fence with staying or leaving, but i inevitably stayed because they wanted me to be there.. and they were my friends, so i did! 

now, a few days ago, my ex admin ,that helped me create the group, was talking about wanting to join again with our mutual friend (who they had a ship with in a previous rp). it was all jokes at first, but once sharing that want in the admin group chat that we had, B1 and B were quick to judge it off with nasty comments and not even taking it as a joke. i was continuing on as it was, even throwing in things back. here’s some screenshots with MY input as well so y’all can see where even I went wrong: 

the above screenshots are when it was initially brought up, even i was going along saying that i agreed she shouldn’t be in the rp, but that was because i didn’t think my friend was serious. the second i found out she was i quickly changed up my story. i got into a call with her and my friend who had helped me make the rp originally and she expressed how upset she was because these people loved her character “isabella” from a past group we were in with her. it got to the point where she was talking about never playing this character again, and stepping down from rp entirely because she felt BAD that people hated her character this much to the point where she was being denied in a group that was run by her FRIENDS. 

fast forward a couple hours after the phone call ends and i say my apologies to her myself, i message the discord and ask them to apologize (unfortunately i’m not in the discord anymore, but i sent it to our imessage gc too bc it was ignored for a hot minute in the discord): 

now, i’ll admit how i said it was very pointed, but it’s not how i meant it originally. i was mad and upset that i was 1. being put in a weird, uncomfortable position, and 2. my friend was hurt. it was met with backlash and them basically trying to make it seem like they weren’t in the wrong for what they were saying, and saying that they were going to delete/ignore her app entirely, and because i was “agreeing with them”. when, i was joking      they were serious. a simple apology really isn’t that hard, right? evidently it was! they were pretty much refusing to apologize because they didn’t feel that they had to because it was their opinion. it’s two little words: some i had already spoken to the individual myself. once i realized the harsh messages back and the way everything was handled, i decided to step down, as an admin and member. which, i said in the group chat myself. i even had a closing message on my character about how i loved the group for 5 months and that the admins would do right and keep it alive just fine. 

i had no harsh feelings (except the fact that my ‘friends’, minus C, hadn’t even tried to check up on me to see how i was feeling after everything, but that’s not important, really). i had made my amends, but when you’re with something for that long, you develop and attachment to the group. 

after about 5 days, i messaged C talking about how i wanted to come back (this happened last night), and she met me with a weird feeling of basically being like ‘oh.... but there’s other rps in the tags!’, so that was already red flag number 1. 

which, i STILL feel that i have every right to return to a group i MADE. not as admin, but simply as a member. and i didn’t feel like me wanting them to apologize for upsetting someone and putting me in a weird position was really ALL that deep to warrant discomfort by ME. i was wrong!

i woke up this morning and saw that they accepted SIX apps, but mine wasn’t there. C said it wasn’t intentional and that they were just waiting to discuss it because they didn’t know how B would feel! turns out, they were already on the fence of me joining and it was intentional! as a quote from B1, “part of me says no, but part of me says yes i’m conflicted and waiting for B”. 

i was also met with harsh assumptions towards my intentions and sincerity saying i was joining “out of spite” when i had told C last night that i was bored and wanted to rp... i checked the tl daily while i was gone because i missed it.