Hold The Pickles

When Petra got to college, it became harder to make time for her series. Instead of consistent posts and lengthy chapters, she would share apologetic notes to followers, explaining the chaos of life that prevented her from pushing her fics out. Living with Hanji made it all the more difficult—constant parties at the apartment, being dragged out to campus events, and a certain distracting friend that somehow always managed to keep Petra from going back to her room when he came over. 

So when Petra heard Levi’s voice accompanied by the loud knocks, she froze. 

“Hello? … Hello! … ”

Petra tried to calm her nerves, waiting to hear the usual creak of Hanji’s bedroom door opening to welcome him in— after which Petra would change her top, reapply perfume, then join them out in the living room. They both waited for a moment, but Hanji didn’t appear. 

Levi pounded on the door again, still convinced that Hanji was in the apartment. “Hanji? What the hell are you doing—I’m here.”

Petra felt dizzy. Even though Hanji was one for the spontaneous hang—and party—it wasn’t like her to not be home and forget to warn Petra that someone was coming over. Especially when that someone was Levi. Petra knew Hanji had started to suspect that she might have a thing for their brooding, short friend after the first few times he’d come over. She’d be eager to hang out with them and play Smash or hit a beer garden even though she sucked at Smash and hated beer. And sometimes, Hanji swore, did Petra run back to the bathroom to reapply perfume?

Even though it might’ve become clear that Petra was developing a crush on Levi, he showed no sign of noticing—or reciprocating those feelings. (Hanji knew that he was a tough nut to crack, but jeez, he could stand to lighten up and smile once in a while.)

It felt cruel to leave Levi standing out there, so she grabbed her laptop, telling herself that she would just go to inform him that Hanji wasn’t there, and that maybe he should come again next time (when Hanji was there to chaperone). 

Levi was about to give up and head out, ready to give Hanji a piece of his mind when he got home, but all thoughts of Hanji disappeared when Petra greeted him at the door. 

She stood there nervously, holding her laptop to her chest, wearing a pair of running shorts and a crop top. It wasn’t the first time Levi had noticed Petra’s body, but there was something about her in her pjs that made her look even better. 

Crap. Had he been staring?

Levi met her eyes then poked his head into the apartment, looking for Hanji. 

“Oh, hey Petra,” he said, trying to play off his initial surprise. “Sorry for the noise. Shitty Glasses told me she’d be here.”

Petra smiled, suddenly aware that this was the first time the two of them had ever been alone together. And they were standing outside of her apartment. A private place. Just the two of them. Her face became warmer at the thought.

“Um, well, I’m not sure, but maybe you can come back later? Hanji didn’t mention you were coming.” 

“Typical,” he scoffed. Levi looked past Petra again. The apartment was empty, no Hanji in sight.. Idiot, he thought. What a waste of time coming over here… Unless.

Levi glanced up at Petra, who he could tell seemed on edge. Levi felt his heart race when he thought about what to say next. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying not to seem too eager. “Well, is there a chance I could come in and hang with you while I waited?”

Oh. Oh no. 

“Um,” Petra squeaked. “Well, sorry, I was doing some work and—”

“I’ll be quiet,” Levi offered, worried he’d interrupted her too quickly. “I brought my laptop too so we can work together.”

Me. Levi. Alone. Working. My fanfiction. Shit. 

“Oh, sure!” Petra responded brightly. Idiot! Stupid, stupid, idiot!!!

Petra surprised herself when she held the door open and let Levi in, wondering what possessed her to do something like this. 

When she sat down on the couch, she tried to leave a healthy amount of space between the two of them. She pulled her laptop open, vaguely aware of him doing the same, and kept her gaze trained on her monitor. 

Levi had never done anything to suggest that he reciprocated her feelings, and she couldn’t imagine how embarrassing it would be if she let him know how she felt. She pictured him coming over, awkward from knowing that Petra was pining after him, while they played stupid Smash and drank disgusting beer and Hanji said something ridiculous and dumb. 

Thinking about how terrible this alternate reality was almost distracted her from the nerves she felt right now. 

Keep it together. Hanji will probably be back in like 20 minutes. She probably just went to grab more beers—or something. I don’t know. Oh God. 

Levi stared blankly at the crossword, letting the timer run, not fully thinking about the answers to the clues. He glanced at Petra out of the corner of his eye, trying to find an opening to say something. But everytime he looked over at her, she was deep in focus, reading something off of her laptop. Whatever it was, it looked dense and long. 

Levi wasn’t sure if Hanji was trying to throw a bone for him, or if she was just being her usual idiotic self. But she hadn’t made it a secret how cute she thought him and Petra would look together, and she’d even dropped hints that if he decided to make a move, Petra wouldn’t be opposed. 

Levi cleared his throat, and scooted over towards her, sliding his arm across the back of the couch so that his fingertips just grazed her shoulders. He felt her stiffen under his touch when he asked, “So, what are you working on?”

Petra froze. She didn’t show anyone her fanfiction writing. She could tell that he was beginning to read what was on the page, his eyes skimming over the words. 

“Is this for a writing class?” Levi asked, brows furrowing. He wondered if he’d said something wrong—Petra was usually bubbly and warm in her responses to him, but this time, she was silent. She looked back at him, suddenly noticing how close their faces were as he leaned over her shoulder to read the words on the page. The words that she had written. He looked even better up close and when he was deep in focus. 

“Oh,” Petra replied softly, hoping that her cheeks weren’t too red. “Well, not exactly.” She closed the flap of her laptop, her smile tight lipped. “It’s—it’s just a passion project.” 

“Oh, that’s cool.” Levi gave something close to a smile back. He tried to process what he had started reading, and realized whatever she was writing probably wasn’t for his eyes…

“Yeah,” Petra responded, her voice breathy. She was cute when she was nervous. She made no move to back away from him, and by now, the two of them were pressed up against one another at the other end of the couch. Petra had no idea how he made his way over without her noticing, but now, his arm was around her shoulders, his other hand brushing against her fingertips. 

“Was it fanfiction?” Something shy of a smile graced his lips. His lips. Why was Petra always noticing his lips. 

She turned red. “Oh, I—yeah, I guess.”

The edges of his mouth turned up, and his eyes flicked down to her lips then back up. “Nice,” he said. Did his voice get deeper? “Tell me what you’re writing about.”

Petra took a breath, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach. “Oh, it’s just—it’s a romance—”

“Romance?” Levi repeated. He had started to play with the tips of her hair, and he was sitting close enough that his chest was pressed up to her bare shoulder.  “And you’re a fan of romance, Petra?” Something about the way he said her name made her heart race. She could feel how hard his chest was through the fabric, and she remembered all the times Hanji told her that she was going to hit the gym with Levi and if she wanted to come. Now Petra wish she had, just so she could already know what was under his shirt. 

Petra nodded, too distracted to string together a sensible response. 

Levi smiled, his gaze shifting down from her eyes to her lips. “Maybe we can brainstorm some new material.” Before she could respond, she felt Levi’s lips part her own, surprising herself when she returned and deepened his kiss. Petra couldn’t help but smile as they kissed, fully aware of his one hand, warm on the back of her neck, while his other inched up her thigh.

Oh. This was nice. 

Petra melted into his touch, letting him tangle his fingers in her hair and slip his tongue into her mouth, running it along her bottom lip in a way that made her want to tear his shirt off. Her hands found their way onto his chest, and as she began to play with the collar of his shirt, she felt him slide his hands under her thighs—just below her ass—and lift her up into his lap. She almost let out a moan when he hooked his fingers under the waistband of her pants, grazing her bare hips. 

Petra felt the last of her anxiety melting away, grateful that Levi made the first move, letting her laptop fall to the side.  

Now he knew that Petra was up to something. Even though her gaze was focused on her laptop, he knew her thoughts were elsewhere. He watched her for a brief second, his attention fully redirected from his novel, and he waited to see what she had planned next. His breath began to grow a little uneven as he struggled to keep himself composed in the library. It was a good thing their table was pretty far from anyone else. 

“Petra,” he said, leaning close to her. She felt his warm breath against her neck, tickling her ear when he spoke. He pulled one of her earbuds out, the music faltering, and soon it was replaced by his lips against the shell of her ear, making her heart race. “What are you doing.” He couldn’t find the words for some witty banter, and by now, he was too focused on her hand running itself up and down her leg, but never quite beyond… 

His voice was almost an octave lower than it usually was, and she felt giddy knowing that whatever she had thought about was working. She kept her head straight, but under her eyelashes, she gave him a half-lidded gaze. She ran her hand up his thigh, and then brushed lightly against the front of his pants without warning, making him nearly jump out of his skin. She heard his breath catch and his body stiffen. 

“What are you talking about, Levi?” Her voice low, she continued to stroke his leg, every so often tracing the front of his pants with her fingers. By now, the cool front that he’d had earlier was faded and he was struggling just to look not too conspicuous. Petra traced her finger up his zipper, playing with it. Petra smirked, pressing a kiss against his cheek, just shy of his lips, Levi too distracted to do anything back. 

Then she leaned in turn against him, the swell of her breasts pressed against his arm, and she mimicked him from earlier, pressing her lips against the shell of his ear. “Don’t you wish it was my mouth instead of my hand?” She felt him hardening underneath her hand, and she deviously ran her hands down the now stiff part of his pants. “I think you need some relief.” 

He let out an involuntary moan, just loud enough for her to hear the pleasant rumble which erupted out of his chest. He was about to say something, tempted to beg briefly, hoping that she would unzip his pants and slide her hand in, or lead him to some empty row of books where she would get on her knees and pull his pants down… 

But instead, she removed her hand from his pants suddenly. She used her index finger to trace her bottom lip, as if checking to see if her lips were chapped—they weren’t, Levi had been looking—and she smiled at him. “You don’t look too well,” she said, smirking. “Are you okay, Levi?

After she was able to walk again, Petra would roam the halls on her own schedule. Nobody provided her with a schedule. She was to report to Hanji until her training was done, then be reassigned to another commanding officer. When her training was done, they seemingly forgot about her, and she spent her days roaming the halls instead, occasionally running tasks for Erwin when he thought she looked less gaunt than usual.

The newest members of their regiment had taken the now vacated spots on Levi’s elite team. There was no longer any excuse to see him anymore, now that she wasn’t under his command, but he would always find her throughout the day. When she was huddled between a crate and a sack of rice in a storage closet, trying to will herself to take a nap. When she would sit alone by the bath in her towel, unable to find the will in herself to get up and settle herself into the water. And the only moments when he could recognize an inkling of who she used to be, would be when she sat at the kitchen table, nursing a mug of coffee.

Petra had become a shadow of herself.

Hanji was the one who had come up with this training regimen, one that would supposedly get Petra back up walking, even after her tragic and overwhelming injury that left her bent up the side of a tree. Petra followed what Hanji told her to do every day, her eyes blank, the light that usually graced them dulled out by the weight of death, after death, after death.

Petra was the model patient. She sat in her bed when she was told to rest. She drank the clear broth and ate the stale bread they fed her without complaint, finishing her meal in minutes—whoever delivered it to her able to be in and out of her room in five minutes with her dishes clean. When Hanji came to collect her, bright and cheerful, to take her to her therapy sessions, she allowed Moblit to lift her from her bed, and deposit her into the simple wheelchair, the seat now sculpted to the weight of her body. She followed each and every instruction, as any soldier worth their salt would, and she didn’t question the orders of those who were above her. She didn’t ask any questions. There were none worth asking. It went without being said that Petra would never fight again.

Erwin, as things came to take a turn for the worse, didn’t do her the disservice of discharging her. He was far more aware of the dangers of an idle mind than most others. So, he let Petra haunt the halls of their headquarters. Once Hanji said she was good to be up on her feet for more than an hour a day, he allowed her to take a spot in the corner of his office, sorting and filling out the stack of reports that reminded them every day of that day in the forest. He kept his eyes down when every day, at the same time in the afternoon, Levi would enter with a soft knock on the door, setting a cup of tea down at her work station, leaving after because he knew he wouldn’t get a response from Petra. And he ignored him when he would pass Levi in the hallway, making his way to Petra’s room, to join her in bed for the night.

Petra came to him first. She came to his office, in the middle of the night, and for a brief moment when Levi heard the knock at his door, he thought maybe the same redhead who would regularly grace him in his office had returned to keep him company late at night again. She entered, holding her blanket wrapped around her, her eyes darkened with exhaustion. Levi wasn’t to expect the late night mutters and chatter to tea anymore. He let her sit in an armchair, curled up, looking smaller than he’d ever seen her before. She couldn’t fall asleep, even as she listened to the rhythmic turn of the page and scrawl of pen on paper. Watching her, alert but weary in his armchair, he stood up, and decided he was done working for the night.

Without speaking, Petra followed him out of his office, entering his room and settling onto his bed, waiting for him to join her. They’d done this once before, but what started out as something new and exciting became a comforting routine they’d practice every night.

She laid in the bed they now shared, trying to steady her breathing to seem rhythmic enough to fool him into thinking she was already asleep, but she felt tense. She laid there, silently, wondering if he would say anything, or if they would lay there in quiet companionship like usual, and pretend the other was asleep.

She was surprised when he whispered her name–for a second, she almost thought she’d imagined it.

“Petra,” he whispered again, this time, his breath brushing lightly against her neck.

She swallowed hard, her mouth dry, but found it in herself to respond and say his name back. It was the first thing she’d said these past couple of days.

“Levi,” she whispered back.

He’d sent her on an assignment after giving her the new suit—the first task had been simply to stop a random daytime robber, easy pickings. So he was surprised, and slightly displeased (although her reaction was amusing enough to take in), when she came back, whooping about a weapons deal she’d managed to get caught up in and stop. 

Petra felt Mr. Smith’s watchful gaze on her, and almost as quickly as she’d begun her dance across the roof, snapped to attention, coming to a stop in front of him. 

“That is, um, thank you, Mr. Smith.” She nodded so earnestly that it was almost funny to him. “I really appreciate the, um, the opportunity.” 

He nodded, taking her outstretched hand and shaking it, a smile playing on his lips. 

“It’s all my pleasure Petra. I’m glad that you’re putting the suit to good use.”

She nodded eagerly, her eyes bright with excitement. “And, of course, I mean. After this, I can do another mission… right?”

Erwin smiled, his expression masking his thoughts. “You’ll know when I need you.” And before Petra could stop him, ask him how exactly she’d know, he strode off, leaving her alone on the roof.

–

Levi got into a lot of fights. Petra had known him since they were kids, growing up in the same apartment building for all of seventeen years. And they were used to looking out for each other. Levi swinging a punch for Petra when guys bothered her or said lewd comments, and Petra pulling out the first aid kit when they got home, bandaging him up. She knew he picked a lot of fights—it probably didn’t help that high school was a cruel playground where people made fun of him for his height. Until he socked them in the eye. But as close as they were, Petra hadn’t shared her crime fighting hobby with him—it hadn’t been that hard to hide until she started working with Mr. Smith. She couldn’t help but feel that he was getting increasingly suspicious of her Smith Industries internship that would pull her away at random.

“Heading over to the office!” she would shout cheerfully as she ran down the stairs, passing by his open apartment door. 

He’d watch her from the doorway, perplexed with his cold toast from the morning still in hand.

“On a Sunday?”

But Levi wasn’t the type to get involved in other people’s business. It was hard not to share with her best friend what she was really doing when she’d disappear off to Manhattan, and she was half tempted to show off her new crime fighting moves just to prove that maybe she wasn’t so helpless after all. 

It would’ve been fine, if she hadn’t started being so reckless. 

–

“Who the fuck are you?” Levi scowled, his brows furrowing as he studied her. 

Petra stood in her place, frozen. Levi stared at her, without knowing who she was, nursing the pain in his shoulder where he’d just been punched. 

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

She was used to seeing Levi caught up in fights, so she wasn’t sure exactly what about this time had made her jump in and help him. Now, he’d seen her take out those three guys who’d been after him, and she was stuck.

Mr. Smith would not be happy. 

She stood there, paralyzed for a second, about to speak when it occurred to her that he would recognize her voice. Recognize the  lilt and the pattern in which she spoke. 

“Gotta go.” She whispered quickly, ready to make her escape. She shot a web at the nearest fire escape, but before she could gain momentum and make her way out, she felt him tug on her arm, and pull her back until she hung upside down. 

Fuck. Great. For once he didn’t want to let something go. 

“A name?” Levi asked, inching closer to her.  “For the girl who saved me?”

He was so close to her now, she could feel his breath, slow and heavy from the earlier fight, even through her mask. She studied him, and without realizing it, she raised a hand to his face, gently brushing her fingers against the cut that now decorated his lip. Taken aback by the tenderness of her touch, he froze, and she watched as the knot between his brows relaxed. There was only one person who showed that much concern when he got hurt. 

He pulled her mask off. Before Levi could say anything, ask a question, pull her back down, she grabbed him by the back of his neck, pulling his lips to hers. She kissed him quickly, feeling her heart race after years of anticipation, and she lost herself for a second when she felt him kissing her back. He held her, his hands tangled in her hair, pulling her in for longer. Then, just as quickly as she kissed him, she pulled away and grabbed the mask from him, shooting off. 

“Yes, Lionel.” She stepped out of her closet, a strap of a bag slung over her shoulder as she struggled to unzip it. “Listen,” she said, distracted. “I just met him the other day, I barely even talked to him.” Yeah, they hadn’t talked. She had conveniently left out the part where she had slept with Levi already. “Anyways, who knows—we might not even really be soulmates.” The instant she said the last word, she wished she could have taken it back. Lionel flinched ever so slightly, almost imperceptibly, and she felt bad. There was no guarantee that Lionel would find his soulmate. She almost wanted to stay with him just to make him feel better—maybe it would be better if both of them were stranded in non-soulmate-dom together. But that’s ridiculous. She opened up a bag and checked inside. Nope. 

“Yeah,” he replied, unconvinced. “You’re right.” He paused before continuing. “So when will you break up with me?”

Petra, her back turned to him once again, furrowed her brows, concerned by his blatant loss of hope. It made her want to sit down next to him and hug him. She tried to laugh. “I mean, there’s no guarantee Lionel. We’ve been dating for months. The amount of time I’ve spent with Levi pales in comparison.”

She grabbed a bag and tossed it to Lionel, as if asking for him to check inside. “And who knows about this soulmate thing.” She gave him a smile. “Maybe it’s not always right.”

When he looked up at her from the bag, blankly without a smile in return, her expression faltered. 

“Anything there?” She asked. 

He looked up, meeting her eyes. “No, nothing here.”

A break. That’s what this was supposed to be. Lionel wouldn’t see her unless she explicitly called on him—texted him, called him, waited outside his room—just so that Petra would be given enough space, proper space, to take the time to get to know Levi and see if everything felt right. Then, after the period of around two to four weeks, she’d let him know. It was a common occurrence. She’d heard about and known people who had done it before. And as far as Levi was concerned, he didn’t seem particularly perturbed by the arrangement. His blase reaction was indicative of either his indifference, or his knowledge that in the end, they’d probably end up together. 

Could I love him if that meant leaving someone else I potentially also love?

Petra tried not to interrogate herself. After all, wasn’t avoiding questions one of the reasons why she was taking a break from Lionel?

When Petra turned back to look at him, she stared at him for a brief second. He was too busy following the lecture to notice her gaze, and she took the opportunity to study him. His dark raven hair, which was effortlessly tousled in a way that flattered his sharp jawline and features. The way his glasses rested slightly below the bridge of his nose, falling forward. How his clothing was wrinkled in all the right places. If she had to say anything on first impressions about her soulmate, it was that he was definitely not unattractive. She found herself getting lost in her thoughts, and it wasn’t until he turned and met her eyes that she realized how long she had been staring. Her cheeks began to turn red, and she watched as he smirked at her, knowingly, then gave a small wink that made her melt a little. He looked as though he was about to mouth something to her, but she looked away before she could see whatever it was. She tried to turn back to her notes, but her cheeks still felt hot.

On the way out of the hall, she almost missed running in to him. Instead, he quite literally ran into her. He nudged his way through the crowd until he was standing shoulder to shoulder with her, his hand brushing against her purposefully as they walked together. 

“You seemed distracted during the lecture,” Levi started, smirking, his voice dripping with mirth. “Did you see something you liked?” 

“Unfortunately not,” Petra replied coldly, calmly avoiding his gaze. She could tell even without looking that he was amused by her charade. It was impossible to play games with your soulmate—especially when they knew that you were the one. 

He was silent for a bit, and for a second Petra wasn’t sure if he was just thinking about a response or if, somehow, she had defeated him in two words. They walked side by side, the crowd trickling away around them as others split up to go to their next classes. 

“Well,” Petra said, prepared to send him away. But before she could continue, Levi’s hand circled her waist to her lower back, and his other hand cupped her cheek. Levi pulled her flush against him, and before she could say anything, his lips met hers, and she melted into his touch.

He held her close, as he continued with his urgent, open mouthed kisses, a sign, if anything, that he had no intention of letting her go anytime soon. And even though she’d been reluctant, and cold even at first, she found herself running her hands up his hard chest, letting herself fall into his arms. Her heart raced, and she let herself enjoy this. 

He pulled away too soon, and she let out a groan of annoyance before she could stop herself, making Levi raise an eyebrow and smirk again. God, that smirk. She wanted to wipe it off his face.

Petra found herself standing upright again, Levi’s arms to his side, and for a split second, she was tempted to pull him back by the collar of his shirt and start unbuttoning it right then and there. 

Levi ran his thumb over his lips, making her want to strangle him, and he gave an amused smile. “I’m sorry you didn’t see something you liked during the lecture. Maybe later today?”

“Tonight?”

“No, like another lecture.”