ℋ.

loving you is the best decision i ever made, my dear

blue eyes trace the elegant panelling of bridgerton house's drawing room before settling on her brother's gaze.  if anyone else in the family had dared to feel so entitled to her attention,  it's likely that it would have ended with them tousling on the ground and pulling at each other's hair  —  but anthony  ...  she respects his authoritative role in their relationship.  “ mother let slip of a ball tonight ... i was hoping to attend with you all, seeing as my debut is merely a few months away ... ”

it must have been the way the light caught on her fingertips that had her staring so intensely at her cuticles,   and completely avoiding the intense gaze of her eldest brother.  “ i have no clue of what you speak of, brother. ”   a lie, which would have been able to fool anyone that wasn't anthony   ( or gregory ) for who knew hyacinth as well as them?

"and will you be the one to tell mother that you hate the dress she picked out for me or shall i?" she raises a challenging brow at hyacinth through the reflection in the mirror. eloise wouldn't give her the satisfaction of agreement but she did share the sentiment — she thought she looked ridiculous in yellow, too. why their mother had thought it would suit her was a question for the ages. "or perhaps you can tell lord kilmartin's mother directly of your opinion. she was the one who decided on the palette for her ball."

a challenge is something that hyacinth bridgerton would never, ever, back down from — but the mention of their matriarch quelled any smart retorts that came to mind.   citrus was not a particularly   ...   flattering palette against the bridgerton colouring.   hyacinth supposed she should be appreciative that her own frock was a burnt copper rather than a shocking tangerine,   ( honestly, how the featherington girls managed to make something of their social seasons whilst boasting this colour palette boggled her mind )   but it did make her seem all the more pale.   perhaps scottish people liked that?   she personally thought it made her look quite sickly.

“ well.   as you're the one who has spent so much time in the highlands,   do tell.   are there any gentlemen that have caught your eye? ”   it is half jest   ( eloise? finding a man she actually likes? )   & half intrigue — who should hyacinth keep her eye on tonight?   which dark corners should she be investigating?

Though the cloth of her gown is expensive, it is not thick enough to provide warmth, the breeze coming in from the balcony sending a slight shiver down her spine.  Sleeves reach her knuckles, so material bunches as she grips her glass of punch, easily her third or fourth of the night already.  She indulges much more when given the chance now, for she has not known luxury in such a long time.  Meals tend to come in the form of beige simplicity, refreshments near-imaginary, libations forbidden.  An empty plate is a sign of gluttony, an empty glass a sign of inebriety; it's only natural, then, that for however long she is in London, Cressida ensures she does everything her aunt would disapprove of.

"But it does not seem that much has changed since I left, beyond my own circumstances."  Strangely enjoyable when she's not in amongst the throng of the ton, but rather, lurking on the sidelines.  She used to pity tyrannise the wallflowers, revile the spinsters, strive to do whatever she could to avoid their fates: yet now that she is the one lurking in the corner, free from the marriage-minded mamas and their pathetic sons, it's ... quite liberating.  A shame, of course, that there is still a more-than-decent chance that nothing will change for her when her father passes, and she will be returned to the Welsh countryside to act as companion and vassal for Joanna.

“ sloppy? hardly. tired, on the other hand? ”   hyacinth lets a wry smile and an exhale through her nose answer that. she takes a sip of her refreshment, gaze flicking up to the incandescent glow coming from overhead.   “ my, my, miss cowper. i feared myself the only one in this room capable of good humour, tonight. ”   she did not truly mean to come across as accusatory and in bad spirits, but it couldn't be helped that she'd been in a rather sour mood since miss beresford had all but shoved her engagement ring ( a la lord fitzroy ) into the face of anyone who spared her one glance.

“ three older sisters certainly prepared me for some aspects of society. though, i fear i may have worked it up to be much more fanciful than it really is. ”   she shrinks in on herself at this, a move so uncharacteristic of the youngest miss bridgerton   —   one usually so sure of herself and her place in the world, reduced to a deflated little girl, clinging to the walls of a party she'd usually be game for.

“ i suppose that daphne and francesca had almost everything sorted for them the moment the ton laid eyes on them. perhaps i should have heeded eloise's warnings a bit more, ”   her breath catches. watching for a reaction from cressida through her periphery, she curses herself. she's too used to being the cleverest in the room, and here she is   —   digging up stories that miss cowper probably did not care for, and bringing up names from the past she definitely would not want to hear of. she's overtly aware that at least one of her sisters would ( attempt to ) strangle her, if they knew the topic being discussed, and more importantly, with whom it was discussed. not to mention ... probably one of her brothers as well. it was hard to say who would do what in such a large brood, but hyacinth prided herself on knowing the motives and going - ons of those close in orbit to her, thank you very much !

“ i'm sorry, miss cowper. i understand if you'd prefer to speak of anything else, rather than my sisters. ”   hyacinth bridgerton is a vision in blue tonight, which does little to quell how hauntingly similar she looks to her famed relatives. with chestnut brown hair and startlingly blue ( — grey ) eyes, it's said that most people in the ton couldn't tell any of the sisters apart if they were stood opposite the room   —   something which hyacinth had once scoffed at, until she had been beckoned across some ballroom at a party soon following her debut at the mention of daphne. well, now, she couldn't help being the tallest of her sisters, but surely everyone knew that she was the only bridgerton sister out in society? apparently not.

“ tell me, then. was there any sense of adventure, out in wales? i must know. ”

❝ eight years, ten months, and about two weeks, as a matter of fact. but who's counting? ❞ her father certainly isn't, bedridden as he is, unable to berate anyone who is not in his direct line of vision. the poor maids bare the brunt of it for the few minutes a day they're in with him, the doctor an hour or so a week. cressida does not think that she has seen her mother step foot in that wing of the house since she arrived; but then she's only been back in london for a couple of days, and she tries her damnedest to avoid spending any unnecessary time in the mausoleum that her family has long since called home.

in truth, she is beginning to run out of things to do in the city. granted, she has been gone from polite and civilised society for some time, there is only so much that one can do when one has no friends with which to call on, or to invite places, or to receive invitations from. at least during the seasons she was a part of, people felt they had to include her, lest it be seen as a snub on one of the wealthiest heiresses of the ton –– now, though? well, now she is a prospectless spinster, one who has spent close to the last decade surrounded by ... sheep, and coal. she has an allowance still, the smallest of mercies that she suspects her mother fought tooth and nail for, but it is far from the means that she was brought up on, and it would explain the simplicity of her gown and hair tonight, lacking in her once-usual flamboyance and ostentation. how the mighty have indeed fallen.

hyacinth weighs out a pause, for once in her life, and takes a moment to really take in miss cowper. time had certainly been kind to her, there was no denying that upon a mere glance on her countenance, nevermind how comparatively simple her attire was to when she was last in society. the last that the youngest bridgerton remembered of miss cowper ... eloise had suddenly dropped her - a toy that she'd grown tired of. hyacinth’s heart ached for her at that moment. cressida had been one of the only older society ladies to lend an ear to the younger's conversations, entertaining she and gregory's trivial squabbles or other flights of fancy. nary a tinge of pity or nostalgia was at all evident on her face. family comes first, a mantra drilled into the very being of hyacinth bridgerton. but that didn't mean not being able to recognise when your family were being idiots.

“ society is … not what i expected it to be. ” but really, what is? the same droning conversations about who is courting who, the mundane ins and outs of daily promenades, calling hour, social calls … her only saving graces as of now had been her new dresses and gloves, because, well how could a girl deny herself such pleasures? it wasn’t as if she were unaware of the privileged life she led, just … tired. it had all been so grand at the beginning : dashing prospective suitors, the wild flurry of the dance floor, hushed gossip whilst huddled against a wall … well, nothing has changed really. it was still decently enjoyable, just much less novel. perhaps she was just subject to another bout of melancholy, where little seemed interesting. perhaps ... here was someone who might understand her plight.

“ how are you finding it? society, i mean. it has been eight years, ten months, and about two weeks, as you say. does it reach your expectations? ” a beat. hyacinth scrambles for another foothold in the conversation, always fighting to get a word in edgeways — she blames this on being the youngest of such a large brood, rather than accepting her fault as a notorious chatterbox. is there really any difference? “ has much changed? does it ever? ”

"you must keep your mouth shut about this, do you understand? hyacinth, look at me." she's never used such a stern, almost scolding voice with her youngest sister before — that was more of anthony's job if not their mother's. but the secrecy she needed for this was crucial. hyacinth had the propensity to talk about anything and everything to just about anyone and everyone, and while it was mostly endearing, it wouldn't be if she blabbed that her older sister was part bird.

"i am sorry this was kept secret from you, but it's also been kept secret from gregory." and now just from their younger brother. "you know why nobody else can know."

it’s hard for hyacinth to not feel offended at her family’s wilful obstruction of knowledge. not telling gregory, she can understand. he’s gregory. but hyacinth? they were sisters for crying out loud! 

“ you would be most surprised at what i am able to keep to myself, dearest sister. ” her tone is teasing, but her eyes betray her — a hint of adversary. aspersion. there’s an unspoken, half concealed secret from the younger, ringing clear as day through a glint in her eye. “ how long have you known, anyway? are you absolutely and completely sure? ” incitement. after all, what if it had been a trick of the light? trust, hyacinth bridgerton would leave no stone unturned.

please note this is absolutely not an all-encompassing list, and to constantly check the status of aid or groups in how able they are to help Palestinian people at that moment; stay informed, stay current, listen to, uplift, and share Palestinian voices, and don't stay silent.

DO NOT TAG AS CURRENT EVENTS OR POLITICS TW/CW.

important information / helpful links

Decolonize Palestine

A Simple Guide to what's happening, by Al Jazeera

US Campaign for Palestinian Rights

For US Citizens: USCPR - Ceasefire Now

For US Citizens: Action Network - Ceasefire Now - a video explaining how to use the site

For European Citizens: Voices in Europe for Peace - how to contact your country's representatives

Palestinian Speculative Fiction Reading List

Jewish Voice for Peace - a Jewish, anti-zio/nist organization

how to donate

Palestine Children's Relief Fund (PCRF) - NOTE: donations to the PCRF will be matched by my friend's university's Arab society; send an ask or IM to @kusattainu with proof that you've donated and the amount!

Palestine Red Crescent Society (PRCS)

American Near East Refugee Aid (Anera)

US Campaign for Palestinian Rights (USCPR)

Arab.org - a free, daily click-to-donate site that works with UNRWA - Make sure to turn off adblocker for the site before you click, as money donated is filtered through ad revenue

Doctors Without Borders

Islamic Relief USA (IRUSA)

United Nations Relief and Works Agency (UNRWA)

how to know what to boycott and who not to support - NOTE: the most important companies to boycott are the ones named by The BDS Movement, because that is the strength of a targeted boycott. other companies listed in other links are to help keep you aware of how deeply anti-Palestinian sentiment runs and what companies to be mindful of.

The BDS Movement - important thread about targeted boycotting

Boycott is/rael products list (2023, from adda247)