#1 olethra Stan

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

I always know its getting toasty out in the world because girls start reblogging this post like crazy

you can bet your ass if completely custom genitalia were a cheap and easy thing i would have a strange and unusual pussy situation

gynecologists HATE this one for its bioluminescent oyster pussy

In salt & vinegar flavour.

When all you have is a vase, all your problems start to look like flowers

Well sometimes my problems look like two heads facing each other really close

fellatio sounds like a supporting shakespeare character rather than oral sex on a penis to be honest

me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder

“Why are you scared of dating” I’m not scared of dating, I just haven’t found anyone’s company to be more enjoyable than my own. And also I don’t care

I just don't want anyone to steal my very cursed amulet

Also the amulet

Is that you talking? Or the amulet? Are you SURE a new hand doesn't want to touch the beacon?

The amulet and I are not currently looking for a third