♛

she stood in the driveway somewhat dumbfounded; arms folded warmly over her chest and boots...planted in crunchy powered snow. this had to be what 'gaping' looked like. her face had to be on-point to the feeling. "you're losing your mind; you're not going into town enough to mingle with the other wives." she says to nicola; her mother, as she stared at the woman standing at the mouth of the barn with her arms extended in a ta-da motion. and dead center to the open doorway...were two of her horses tethered to a carriage that was donated and used for holiday parades through the year.

she liked cold spaces when it came time to sleep. waking hours she wasn't as fussed so long as she wasn't sweating, or feeling unable to function due to her body being seized up with shivers. but during sleep...she needed the cold and the mound of blankets and pillows. she was starting to feel some of the effects of her flight so their plan to stay in tonight and just order room service or visit the lounge downstairs...was feeling like a blessing. cold air filled the space and hana made a quick task of pulling the curtains so it was darker, save for a small table lamp, and she found spare blankets and pillows in the closet beside the door. "we should make a fort later." she mutters with a small smile. completely childish but with the setup of the couch and lounge chairs centered in front of the tv...made it feel ideal for such a thing.

    “I think cleaning other people’s stuff is way more fun, you’re being helpful and not technically obligated to help so when you’re sick of it you can just leave and not have to deal with it anymore.” she shrugged with a single shoulder, she’d never cleaned anyone’s room that wasn’t family, her brothers often bribing her with promises of snacks or take out and the occasional ride somewhere before she got her license. “I mean I don’t really have anything planned for today so I’m here as long as you’d like to be.” she smiled warmly, not at all opposed to the idea of spending the day virtually with Hana, it would help her stay motivated and on task and she’d honestly take anytime Hana was willing to give her, they both had pretty packed schedules and while they still managed to spend evenings occasionally chatting, facetiming, small texts throughout their day longer video calls, especially this time of day, weren’t as common. Eyes taking a glance at Hana’s kitchen Kayla realized her mistake in not having eaten something before beginning this endeavor, if she finished half of the mess  within an hour she’d order herself something as a treat.   

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being helpful to someone else was a good reason; “i can be a little curious, too.” she admits, “i’d say ‘nosey’ but that isn’t the right word.” she scrunched up her nose because she generally hated priers. but she was a curious person at times and liked gaining knowledge and understanding, and there was a lot of that in a person’s living quarters, even if it was just something seemingly mundane like the way they folded their bath towels. maybe even the knowledge gained was mundane and completely irrelevant to anything and everything, but hana thought that was why the word ‘curious’ was the correct one over ‘nosey’. she had perched on the arm of a couch or on a kitchen counter to keep company while a friend cleaned before. “i feel like i get more done, productivity-wise, when i’m talking to someone on the phone.” so she was happy to be here at least offering company. maybe it would make kayla’s tasks feel smoother and less daunting. “i was just going to get ahead on on some reading later.” later being the operative word; it wasn’t important. she didn’t tend to let things become more important than responding to friends like kayla; it didn’t take long to text back of pause what she was doing for a call. now that she had her earbuds in, she was pulled away even more from the surroundings of her little place, and emerged into where kayla was. sounds around her were cut off, every distraction gone, and she watched as kayla got started. “so is this a deep clean through every crevice or just...basic organizing for time being?” 

     Kayla’s eyes made quick work of surveying the hotel room, noting the charm she knew she’d find anywhere Hana would really want to stay at based on conversations they’d had in the past about their aesthetic preferences. Giving Hana privacy she hadn’t asked for Kayla backtracked to the door Hana had simply let close, knowing these doors looked on their own but also never truly trusting staff at hotels, she locked the deadbolt and latched the swing bar, again she knew these only did so much in terms of security but it helped ease the paranoia that always seemed to sit at the base of her neck just a bit. Turning back and avoiding looking at Hana, instead trying figure out what the best sleeping configuration would be, walking past the small hall leading out of the door way she sat on the edge of the small sofa the room provided, setting her small backpack down on the floor. The leather dark and plush, the build deep, it was a little on the shorter end and she probably wouldn’t be able to sleep on it long ways comfortably but she could just lean back at an angle.   

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she had just barely caught the sound of kayla adding the locks to the door, but she was focused more on getting into her suitcase for something more comfortable. it wasn’t a production; she didn’t bother laying her case down and unzipping it fully, instead she knew where she’d placed things enough to open it just to grab out a softer pair of cashmere shorts. sitting on the edge of the bed she unfastened her thin leather belt, her tweed shorts and worked them down along with the patterned nylon covering her legs, and then she worked on the new pair of shorts and stuffed what she’d been wearing back into her bag. that was it. she was comfortable enough in her fitted tee but she did pull of the long thin rosary from underneath and slipped it over her head to leave on the nightstand for now. then she walked towards the ac unit embedded below the window but was only halfway there before she realized that...wasn’t where the ac unit was. “damn...” she only breathed the word and then turned her head to run her eyes over the papered walls in search of a thermostat, which she spotted closer to the door by the bathroom. her eyes touched on where kayla had placed herself and she passed her. “colder is okay with you?” she asks, reaching to tap the temperature button lower.

     “Not exactly but I guess that could be what I call this,” she mulled it over, feeling it would take too much effort to explain the actual situation not that it was really too far off from being spring cleaning. Slowly becoming more and more self conscious, “Brace yourself,” she gave a soft laugh, setting her phone down on her desk chair, carefully propped up to give the best view of her mess she could, picking a corner still in frame to plop down into so she could sort through things she actually needed to put away, things she declared trash, and things she could donate or hold for one of her siblings. Pulling her hair out of her face and tying it up high on her head, she huffed as she fell heavily onto her bottom, mentally bracing for the task at hand. She was usually pretty good about getting things like this done, if anything she struggled to take breaks, ansty until the task was complete. “Feel like hanging out with me for a bit?” she asked, feeling as though she should know the answer but also knowing she had specifically offered a look at her mess, which she supposed could have been fulfilled by a simple snapshot but she’d wanted to hear Hana’s voice and obviously Hana knew she could’ve just asked for a picture instead of facetiming her but she was still going to offer the other woman an out. 

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she sometimes found herself wishing that she was more adept to a cluttered lifestyle, even a touch of eclectic collecting would be a step in a good direction, because it felt like such a vibe to spend an afternoon or a late night to reorganizing and purging. she sighed and rested her chin on her folded arms, her phone propped on the couch in front of where she was laying on her stomach. hana’s eyes dragged slowly over her space, and yes she had some busy shelves and a few wicker type baskets that she could go through but it would only take her a few minutes at best and what was the point? closets....she did have a few closets she could get after. but alas, comfort of the couch held her right where she was. for now. her eyes were settled right back on her phone screen as kayla showed her what she was working on. she could see the piles of things behind her and smiled softly. “i think i’d have fun with that. is it a universal thing that has it easier to clean other people’s houses than your own?” she asks, before she nodded. “all day if you want, or...morning?” it was morning where kayla was, almost noon where she was, and she had no plans. “you might even motivate me to get something done.” but for now co-existing felt nice. she pushed herself up with her phone and stood to walk into the kitchen, placing her phone propped on the counter and going to her bag to dig around for her airpods. they would be necessary if they were both moving around.

     Kayla had never actually had a friend close enough to share clothes with, she wasn’t usually in situations in which it would need to happen either. “I don’t mind if you don’t.” her head tilted in a shake, they seemed to be around the same size in clothes and Hana was basically offering right? She could probably sleep in her jeans with a little bit of effort anyway. Eyes exploring the hotel Hana had chosen to stay in, Kayla found the space suited her. It was just a touch dated, but was filled with charm and was very obviously historic. She’d driven past the hotel a handful of times and had never really found the outside to seem particularly attractive, tudor revival architecture falling very low on her list, not that it really mattered at the end of the day. 

     Hands tucked behind herself, Kayla leaned back against the elevator wall eyes on her slightly blurred reflection in the gold tinted stainless steel doors, the rest of the inside seemed to be some kind of forest green marbled stone. “I’m not really hungry but I’ll probably end up being game to eat if you are.” she chuckled, at the end of the day Kayla could almost always eat. She followed Hana through the hall silently, absentmindedly noting the different exits and entrances, there didn’t seem to be any vending machines aside from a few ice machines which she supposed made sense given it would probably ruin the vibe of the place. 

with hana’s hotel being on the southern side of arcata...she was sure the plan had been to drive by kayla’s place in the morning on their way out of town just to pick up clothes and personal things that she needed. that meant she didn’t have anything for tonight, so hana made the offer. she knew she had plenty of fitted tees and a few pairs of cashmere shorts that kayla could choose from. “i’m not hungry yet but i probably will be later.” right now she was only feeling how long the day had been so far, the early flight out of princeton that morning felt like days ago now. it was catching up with her, and as they exited the elevator and she followed the corridor to her room...the thought of curling up for a nap filled her mind. at the same time she wanted to sit with kayla and talk, catch up with her a little. “worst case i have a few snacks in my bag that i picked up at the airport.” she says, sliding her key card over the door lock to get the green light for opening it up. 

she held it with her hip for kayla, having left a lamp on at the bedside table there was enough light to see. she had closed the curtains before leaving and turned on the ac so the room was chilly but it felt good to her. her suitcase rested  on a chair beside the bed, and other than a bottle of water sitting on the coffee table she hadn’t really touched the space much. hana had only come to check in and drop her bag before meeting up with kayla. once they were inside she removed her hip from the door and let it close and lock automatically, and then she pulled her sunglasses off of her head and placed them on the table along with the room key. “there’s drinks and snacks in there too i think.” she says, gesturing to the mini fridge bar while she pulled free the buckle of the delicate leather belt on her hips. changing into something more comfortable was a priority, she didn’t really think twice about kayla being there, she never really thought twice about those sorts of things, she just moved closer to her suitcase and slipped out of her black suede penny loafers and nudged them aside with her foot.

     “I think bed sounds totally reasonable for you right now.” she shook her head, Kayla had even failed to consider the jetlag Hana must be experiencing in addition to her long day. “We can put on a movie and get you comfy, order something if we’re hungry. We’ll figure everything else out tomorrow.” she assured, not worrying about any of it at all at this point. They had the necessities, all that was really left was to grab her gear from her apartment the next morning before they set out, no big deal. She hadn’t even been expecting to spend this much time with Hana on her first day there, imagining they would just have a drink and go their separate ways for the night and make plans to see each other the next day.   

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“whatever do you mean?” not truly a question; hana smiled and pulled out of the lot, following the directions just to park in the hotel lot five minutes later. she took a moment to make sure she had what she needed from the car, her room card in her bag, her keys, she pushed her sunglasses up to rest on her curls and then she got out and slung her bag strap on her shoulder and locked the car behind them both. “i mean it’s...three hours later at home so it’s still not technically a reasonable bedtime yet.” she says, but knowing full well that if she got into the room and got comfortable in any measure she wouldn’t be moving for a few hours. so all she really had to do was avoid getting comfortable. so long as she didn’t shower or dress down in any way, so long as she didn’t sit on any piece of furniture, so long as.... she couldn’t kid herself like like that; it didn’t take any of those things to get her comfortable. hana had fallen asleep before in the society manor’s dumbwaiter; she’d fallen asleep in class, curled up on a library windowsill in broad daylight with the sweltering heat of summer soaking through the window panes. she led the way into the hotel lobby, past the desk and to the elevator to press the buttons for the floor they needed. “it looks like a nice restaurant so hopefully there’s some options.” she didn’t mind the ordering in, but she didn’t mind coming back down here to get something together later either. “wait shit, you don’t have clothes or anything.” she stops short. “i don’t know how you feel about wearing anything of mine, but you’re free to.”

     Grinning, Kayla snorted, her mind trying to find the best way to tease Hana about she could probably afford to be airdropped to her door if that was what she wanted when her phone display shifted to a facetime request, eyes widening she scrambled up to her night stand and grabbed her bluetooth earbuds, popping them in and answering the call. “Hey.” she smiled, amused. “You really wanna see it?” she arched a brow in question, part of her not wanting to show Hana how bad it had gotten the other knowing it was her own fault for messaging her about it. 

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she smiled when she heard the soft swoosh sound of the call being accepted. then kayla was on her screen. “let me see it.” she really doubted it could be so bad that hana would tell kayla she was disgusting. that would take a lot. she dealt with her own clutter and neglect all the time. “is it spring cleaning already?” it was march so...that wouldn’t be a reach. she could hear kayla just fine, so she didn’t rush to dig her airpods out of her bag. they’d been laying at the bottom forgotten for a few days now; they might be completely dead. she would dig out her corded headphones eventually but she’d made the mistake of getting comfortable on the couch for now.

     Smiling fondly to herself, Kayla could image just how tired Hana was, she’d had a long flight and had had to meet up with Kayla and go through all this shopping, “Let’s get you to bed.” she chuckled softly, “I was thinking we should go in the morning. It doesn’t have to be particularly early either, we can stop for breakfast if you want.” she suggested, “It probably won’t make much of a difference when we get there, I figure we’d spend the first day getting settled and heading there now probably wouldn’t be the safest trip, not that it would be unsafe.” she trailed off into a mumble, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. 

“bed sounds...better than i wish it did.” she didn’t want to crash immediately on kayla when she’d just gotten into town to visit her. hana closed up the trunk and moved to slide into the passenger seat, pressing the start button and letting the gps on the dash coordinate with the location of her hotel so they could get back there easily. her brown eyes touched on the time on the corner of the screen and she knew kayla was right about it not being wise to make the drive tonight. it was already well into the afternoon and she imagined it would be dark by the time they got there. her energy level right now would have her falling asleep within the next few minutes if she was left sitting in the passenger seat being lulled by the motion. if she wasn’t lulled she might very well make it to a more reason bedtime hour. traffic didn’t look to bad, they’d be at the hotel in ten minutes at the worst, there was a menu on the desk and a lounge in the lobby so staying in for the night before setting off in the morning sounded like the best plan to her too. “we can just order food to the room for tonight, or there’s a restaurant and lounge downstairs.” 

     Sitting on the floor and opening her trash bag, Kayla felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Reading over the message she couldn’t help the small laugh and eye roll, quickly tapping out a reply on her touch, “Let me know when you land, I’ll pick you up.” she grinned, amused as ever at their running joke. She honestly never really let herself believe she was ever going to see Hana again in person, she’d accepted their long distance friendship early on, and while there were always little things said and jokes she never really believed either of them would act on any of it. 

“what are landings like at airports that small? am i going to have to flintstone down the airstrip?” she sunk herself down to lay on the burnt gold of her velvet couch and got comfortable on her stomach with her phone in front of her, and then she tapped kayla’s picture on her phone and pressed the facetime call...figuring that since kayla wanted her to see how bad the mess was, she might as well see it in the only way she could right now. 

     Looking down at the mess on her floor Kayla sighed heavily, the rain pattering down against her windows loudly, she’d had a difficult month and had only really been home to grab somethings and drop off others and the mess had only grown and accumulated. Sliding her phone from her pocket she shot out a quick text, “I’m cleaning my room, wanna come over and tell me how gross I am?” she grimaced, tucking the device back into her pocket and leaving her room to grab a trash bag. 

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it was the first time that she was able to look around her place and know for certain that everything her ex had left behind, was now packed up and moving through the carrier system. there was the habitual inkling to mentally unpack all the reasons why that was a good thing, but it felt less draining to just know it was good and save the unpacking for never. hana was always able to move forward and past very quickly and that wasn’t about to change for anyone. after some light cleaning she went to retrieve her phone from the couch cushion and checked her notifications, swiping away emails and app alerts for the more wanted message from kayla that brought an immediate feeling of contentment to the pit of her stomach. “right, i’ll be over in ten hours. make sure you wait on me to get there.” she texts back, letting the message go through before she planned on pressing the facetime call button. 

     Helping Hana pick some last minute items she felt they would need, Kayla was satisfied with their purchases, already plotting how she’d sneak some cash into Hana’s pocket at some point after the other woman had insisted they put the purchase on her card, an argument she’d lost solely because she didn’t want to cause the cashier any anxiety, though her employee discount definitely made her feel a bit better about the situation. It wasn’t like they had been there too long but shopping had the tendency to wear Kayla down, her mind always running over the what ifs and trying to balance what could possibly be too much versus what was necessary. The cool breeze immediately fanning her hair back as the doors slid open on the way out, the tops of her warm cheeks sting just a bit from the sudden cold, surprising her, the forecast hadn’t said anything about the chill. Glancing down at her watch she surprised they’d managed to spend a few hours in the store, “God I’m fucking tired.” she admitted, not wanting to shut down anything Hana could possibly want to do but also fairly confident that she knew Kayla well enough to be able to tell she was fading. “You ready to head to your room?” 

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she waned quickly when in situations that weren’t absolutely required of her...and even then she’d been known to decide that her own attendance was dependent on the day or her mood. she had stepped out on classes and opted for managing from her laptop at home for a week when the atmosphere of a classroom didn’t appeal to her and then she would fade out of that too and be back in class. this was different, not mandatory, not required or demanded of her....so she enjoyed it more knowing that she had more ability to relax and tire when she did, rather than when she had to. “i’m getting there.” she admits, giving kayla a small smile now that they were able to grab the bags filled with their purchases and break outside. her tone conveyed it was ‘i’m there. i’m tired’ rather than something she was still approaching. “yes.” she let out a silent huff to make room in her lungs for an intake of cooler air; keys retrieved from her pocket and the trunk of the rental car opened. “do you have a preference for leaving town, like what time, tonight or in the morning?” she didn’t mind either way, but being slightly overstimulated was crashing into her passiveness about it and making her hope the answer was ‘later enough’ to allow for some downtime first. her eyes were already settling on the driver’s seat anticipating the comfort of the cream leather seats. 

     “I don’t think it hurts to have one.” Kayla raised a single shoulder, lips quirking into an asymmetrical smile. “Something with a fixed blade would probably be best.” she advised, hovering over the case, her fingers coming down to point down at a row of blades, “So like these.” in the back of her mind she wondered why exactly Hana a proficiency with butterfly knives but it wasn’t really her business or at least this wasn’t really the place for that kind of conversation they had time to talk about it later, but at least she figured that that meant Hana would know the basics of handling the blade safely. “We don’t need anything fancy.” she hummed eyes ignoring the blades priced at over two hundred dollars, instead a Gerber StrongArm knife with just an inch or so of serration caught her eye. “I think that one should work just fine.” that was an understatement in her opinion.

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with her attention turning over to knives, came the inevitable curiosities towards what kinds of things they would find themselves needing knives for. they were set to be spending upwards of a few days in a cabin in the woods, though she wasn’t sure the term ‘cabin’ had been used enough for her to feel confident that it could be considered that. still...hana made the decision to not think on structural integrity must past that. it was hard to be bothered by the idea of sleeping outside on a mound of dirt when she was just thrilled to be visiting kayla. that alone had been a pipedream for a short while since hana had gone back to princeton after their initial meeting. fruition felt great right now. hana nodded, accepting that the knife kayla was looking at was more than enough; she ran her eyes as quickly over what they had in their cart already. “anything else you can think of?” she imagined after another stop at a grocery store on the way, one closer to destination, they’d be set enough. hana still did another few glances around and added some smaller items to the cart, a pack of batteries, a small lantern that would need them, box of matches and a small first aid kit that hung on an endcap with dozens of other ‘don’t forget this’ type of items. it was really hard to focus on what all they might need...when her insides were turning over with the contentment she felt just being here and getting to see kayla again. 

     Her hand slipping into the cart to thumb the material of the shirt Hana seemed to have picked for her, Kayla noted the softness of the fabric, probably some cotton polyester blend, easy enough to tear in the case of an emergency but also comfortable. The color wasn’t exactly something she would pick for herself but she’d given Hana control of this all for a reason, “Exactly like windbreakers.” she nodded, she had far more than she could ever possibly need at home but that didn’t mean she wasn’t gonna let Hana pick one more out for her. Once again she went over the mental list in her mind, realizing she hadn’t taken something into consideration. “Do you want a knife?” she spoke up suddenly, her minds eye already mapping out the course they’d need to take to take them from women’s apparel to the monitored glass case in the hunting and fishing department, she figured Hana knew that basics of owning a knife and even if she didn’t the rules weren’t complex, it could come in handy to have a second one lying around God forbid something were to have happened to Kayla’s, she’d had it since she was in her early teens, a gift from her father that she’d worked hard to maintain. The mental image of Hana cutting cord or whittling down kindle, pulling an amused smile onto her lips. 

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she thought back over her closet and tried to place a single item that would be considered a wind-blocking variety...and she couldn’t. her mind gave a small shrug in acceptance of the idea; it was a response that she never gave physically. shrugging was taught to her to be a lazy gesture as a child, not directly. her mother shrugged all the time in her light-hearted and care-free way...it was that hana had never felt light-hearted or care-free...so she decided for herself that sort of response wasn’t very suited to her. it did however usually turn up visibly in her eyes and the slight canting of her head and that was something her mother had always pointedly noted in her; ‘act your age, you’re not middle-aged yet’. she would jest with her flowy disposition and well...hana preferred her own postures enough to ignore the commentary. a brow quirked upwards and so did the edge of her lips; the mention of getting a knife. “think i’ll need one?” she asks softly, her smile gone but interest in her eyes taking over and holding the warmth she felt there at the idea kayla suggested. “what kind?” she was curious to get more of kayla’s thoughts on the matter. “i know my around kitchen knives and butterflies.” she admits, “not much past that.” 

     Kayla’s eyes had found there way back to Hana’s face, a soft smile pulling at her lips as she listened to Hana speak about colors. Kayla had the colors she usually grabbed when shopping for her own clothing, muted reds and dark greens, the occasional rusted orange, black and acid washed denim, colors that felt easy to pair together without much thought, that she could just throw on when she was rushing out the door. She didn’t see them the way that Hana seemed to though the more she listened along she began to see the picture that she was painting, could see what she meant, eyes falling to the hand that reached for a hoodie that hung near her. One could assume that because Kayla drew that she was more inclined to things like color, but her eyes were more drawn to the lines of things, the way things flowed into each other. she’d leaned how to truly see the gradients of light and dark but had never put effort into color. 

     “Fitted.” eyes snapped back to Hana’s, pulled from the colors Hana had painted in her mind, fitted clothes was easier to layer in the event that things got too cold, though she did own quite a few oversized hoodies for when she was home and wanted to get lost in the fabric. “I’m happy you’re here too.” she had been a mix of anxious and excited since Hana had told her intention of visiting, it’d been months since they had seen each other in person and even when they had met that first time Kayla hadn’t been truly looking at Hana, hadn’t seen any importance in memorizing her features and really taking her presence in, hadn’t known her importance to her yet. “We should get something to layer over these.” something water resistant, there shouldn’t be any rain this time of year but one was never sure, and she’d rather be safe than sorry, especially if she was taking someone out with her, she could deal with her own mistakes but someone dealing with the consequences of her shortcomings was something she wouldn’t tolerate, especially if that someone was Hana.  

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looking at the aisles of camping and outdoor supplies prodded at the afterthought in the back of her mind that maybe she had signed up for a weekend more daunting than just pillows and throw blankets....but she decided again and again to ignore the prodding because spending time with kayla felt worth it. it was her first time in town seeing her in person so backing out just because something could be extreme...seemed lame and anti-climactic.

fitted made sense for a ew reasons her mind quickly placed; to keep in body heat, to prevent risk from fabric being caught or snagged in rugged conditions, to be more form flattering...though the latter she assumed hardly mattered. all were noted as valid reasons, plus...the color selection seemed more vast through the women’s clothing than the men’s. hana had no qualms with oversized sweaters and preferred them actually...but the repetition of navy, black and gray was dull. she turned her attention to the hues of deep burnt canyons, coral and cyan skies, fields of sunflower petal golds to the deep greens of their stalks. her eyes shifted from the colors back to kayla and widened slightly despite trying to control that. her unreachable façade was something she’d mastered at this stage in life and bullshit but...it seemed some things still broke through. “are we swimming in them?” her tone held jest, she obviously wasn’t overlooking the weather and the fact that it could rain but would they not be within reach of the cabin before they became soaked through? she supposed hikes could take some time...

hana digressed. “like wind-breakers or something?” given the time of year she couldn’t see needing something much heavier than that but then...she didn’t know the area or seasons here the way that kayla did. “i’m going to trust you on all of that.” she decides with ease. putting trust in kayla felt right, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t helping out. she started thumbing through a few of the sweaters and found two in a matching burnt canyon, and then she picked a deep blue-green long-sleeve thermal with a northface emblem on the chest pocket and a similar in a plum shade. “i wanna see this color on you.” she says, referring to the blue-green she placed in the cart.