call no man happy until he is dead

It is so fucking funny to me how easily scandalized some people are wym callout post for a cannibalism kink. Grow up. This is the nothingburger leagues and you're throwing up in the stands

It’s actually the peopleburger leagues

Blocking for being funnier than me

one time a guy i know whose girlfriend was heavily pregnant didn’t tweet anything for a whole day so i texted him ‘congrats on your baby’ and made him think i had some kind of baby precognition 

like six months after that just after halloween i asked to see his son dressed as a ‘fat baby pumpkin’ and he was like ‘who told you’ and i said ‘no one. it’s halloween. you have a fat baby. he’s going to be a pumpkin’ 

bbc sherlock wants what i have

northernlion was reading out a sweet note his daughter wrote him in kindergarten that said "i know my dad loves me because he's my favorite person and i'm his favorite person" and someone commented "circular reasoning"

saw someone including "Mandate of Heaven" as one of those christian terms tumblr likes to use to sound profound. which i get where you're coming from but t☝️hat one is chinese

And then you're like "fuck it, I'll make my own" and once you've done that you toss it into the goodwill bin to be someone else's prada or container of human teeth

And sometimes you gotta go with the container of human teeth purely out of morbid curiosity.

The container of human teeth is what I was looking for specifically. If you must know.

‎ ‎

The way the machine pauses like “should I do this?” before it draws the circle

Ok yeah I did not expect kill stealing in tic tac toe

Every time this passes my feed I laugh harder than the last. I love this absolute goblin

PLEASE HIS LITTLE FACE 🥹

@sindirimba @nevermindirah

You guys ever see a DNI that makes you break out into laughter and almost cry