run, run lost boy

               “Course. I wouldn’t lie to you,” Nik laughed. He couldn’t even keep a straight face for a minute. Nik would never cheat on Hunter; he was too in love to screw up this relationship. He scrunched his nose up as Hunter ruffled his hair. “Well, I hope that the dog kisses better than me.” Nik let out another laugh. This was everything he loved and so much more. He was the happiest person in the entire world. He’d lost enough people in his life, but losing Hunter would probably kill him. “I know,” he said with a smile on his face.

               “I don’t need a present. You’re presence in my life is good enough,” Nik promised. He didn’t care if Hunter always forgot his birthday. Their birthdays were so close and honestly Nik didn’t know that it was either of their birthdays since exact times and dates were lost. “Hey, if you really want to get me a present, I can think of a few things you can get me that you wouldn’t even have to wrap,” Nik grinned. “And none of them involve clothing,” he winked at Hunter. He kept the smile on his face as he got out of bed. “Later, okay?”

     “You’re awful,” Hunter muttered playfully, although he couldn’t stop the blush from rising on his face, “but I can get behind it.” Hunter was completely incapable of not watching Nik as he got changed, about as close to drooling over him as one could be. It worked though, Hunter had managed to drag himself out of bed and join Nik in the kitchen, despite still being sleepy as anything. Hunter took forever to wake up, he remembered having much more energy when he was younger but now he had the option to be as relaxed as he wanted. When he lived with his grandparents, he lived on a farm and had to be up early to help with chores. When he lived with his kidnappers, he never slept because he was terrified. Happiness had truly made him lazy.

               Nik scoffed at Hunter’s protest to getting out of bed. They were both stubborn, but Nik hoped he’d eventually win this argument. He figured maybe they could get away from camp for a bit. He’d felt trapped here lately and was beginning to feel the want to explore and get away for a bit. That was the problem with Nik being exposed to the real world: camp was nice, but it was difficult to stay in one place for long. Nik found a comfortable position on top of Hunter and rested his head on Hunter’s chest, listening to Hunter’s heart beating slowly. A reminder that here was safe and Nik didn’t have to worry about dying at any given second of the day.

               “Have fun being alone,” Nik said, smirking as he lifted his head to look at Hunter. He pretended to glare at Hunter’s use of his surname. But that had never been insulting to him. “I’m going to go have an affair with the neighbor. She’s really nice, you know. Good kisser. Better than you in bed too,” Nik laughed. He pressed a kiss to Hunter’s lips. Short and sweet. He really didn’t deserve this. “I love you,” he sighed.

     “Oh is she?” Hunter finally scoffed, playfully scuffing up Nik’s hair in retaliation. “Well, then I guess you won’t mind living in her house. Hope she’s a better cook than me too. I’ll finally get the whole bed to myself, maybe I’ll get a dog,” Hunter teased back, grinning widely at Nik and letting him kiss him. Ok, admittedly Hunter was kind of weak for Nik and he wasn’t going to get grumpy with him when he used kisses against him. In essence it was unfair, Nik using his greatest weakness against him. “Yeah, yeah, love you too,” Hunter muttered, fake scowling at Nik.

     Hunter groaned with the realisation of what he’d forgetting and promptly smacked himself on the forehead. “I totally forgot,” Hunter said. He never made an effort to remember their birthdays, for the longest time it’d been just another day of the year and dates were so difficult to keep track of. “No, no, I always take Sundays off anyway so it’s no biggie,” Hunter assured Nik, “I didn’t get you anything. I’m sorry.” It wasn’t as if Hunter had much he could give to Nik but it was the thought that counted and...Hunter had not thought. 

               One of Nik’s favorite things about Hunter was just how much dead weight Hunter was when he slept. Nik was a light sleeper, probably from his many years on the run. Sleepless nights when he and Sasha had to steal away in the middle of the night with stolen supplies. But Hunter was the opposite. Nik hadn’t been tired when Hunter got home, but he not-so-reluctantly cuddled up in bed beside Hunter, happy to curl up and fall into a light sleep. Nik wondered if Hunter even knew it was anywhere near their birthdays or if he cared at all. Nik was actually pretty sure that Hunter was just happy it was Sunday because it meant having a break.

               Nik didn’t like lying in bed doing nothing, so he wasn’t going to lie and say that his stirring didn’t have an ulterior motive. Of course he liked sleepy Sunday mornings with Hunter and he didn’t really want to move from bed, but he was excited for the possibilities of today. He had planned the party that evening, but he hadn’t planned their day. Nik chuckled at Hunter finding everything about his boyfriend absolutely adorable. “No you didn’t, you slept all night. I would know since I did fall asleep after you did. It’s like 10 o’clock.” Nik smiled when Hunter hooked his arm around Nik’s neck. “Now that’s just cruel. You’re really going to fall asleep on me?

     Hunter grumbled audibly at Nik’s protest, convinced that if he just stayed still then Nik would let him sleep. There was any number of things they could do, they could get away from the camp for the day and go hiking which Hunter would love. Once he got out of bed, he’d have more than enough energy for the both of them. “Maybe I want to stay in bed all day,” Hunter said smugly, “nobody’s stopping you from going outside, Wells,” he teased. Hunter hummed happily and ended up wrapping both arms around Nik’s neck when the other essentially just climbed on top of him. This was everything Hunter liked, just him and Nik and not a care in the world.

     One of the good things about camp was Sundays. It was the only day of the week where the only people who had to do anything were the guards, and they rotated people out so that they only had to work every third Sunday. There was a church service in the morning for those who still believed in a God of any sort – Nik didn’t. And usually after lunch, a few towns people had a small market set up in the streets so that they could trade random goods or services. But the best thing about Sundays were the gatherings people had. There was always someone having a party, even if there was not anything to celebrate. Currently, it was winter, so much of the food was scarce, but there was still a party at their neighbor’s house this evening and there was an actual reason to celebrate. 

     Although time was one of those lost things in their world, they could estimate what time of year it was. Despite being in the south, there was a thin layer of snow on the ground and it was cold, meaning it was probably late December. With late December came Nik’s birthday and Hunter’s. Nik had known that Hunter didn’t have work this Sunday, so he’d made plans with his neighbor to have a small party in celebration for both of their birthdays. Honestly, it felt like the five years they’d known each other had gone by in a blink of an eye. Nik had no idea how he’d ever survived without Hunter and he didn’t know what he’d do without Hunter. The party was just a few of their friends, some of the people that Nik had been with before coming to this camp and the few friends they had here; they were the few people that Nik trusted besides Hunter. 

     Hunter had been dead to the world as soon as he got into bed, barely mumbling a ‘hello’ to Nik before he essentially passed out. He always slept deeply, it was almost impossible to wake Hunter and if you did it too soon then he’d hold a grudge. Sundays meant no work, Sundays meant sleeping in and doing whatever he wanted for a whole day. It hadn’t even occurred to Hunter that it was his and Nik’s birthdays, it wasn’t something he ever kept track of and he’d forgotten more than once.

“I know what you meant. I was joking. Trying to lighten the situation. Obviously, I failed at that.” Nik sighed and looked down at the table. Was it supposed to be this painful? Nik wasn’t that good with his feelings. He’d never been that good with emotions. That had always been Sasha’s department. If Nik liked someone, he normally just kept it to himself. Most of the people he’d had crushes on either would have never dated him because they didn’t swing his direction or were too far out of his league in the first place. He rarely noticed people flirting with him, but he noticed Hunter. He’d noticed Hunter the first time they’d met. And it sucked that he couldn’t even figure out how he should have acted. It was really annoying. But Hunter had been around him long enough that Nik didn’t know what to do in situations most of the time. He had missed Hunter so much this past week and the only time he hadn’t thought about his roommate was when he was with Jeremiah. Even the time he talked to Sasha over the phone, he’d missed Hunter.

He could have stayed in the room after the first night, but he didn’t feel right doing so. Nik liked space when he was trying to make a decision and he thought maybe Hunter would appreciate the space as well. Besides, Hunter could have texted him saying that he was welcome in the room if he’d really missed Nik that much. “No, it was okay. I didn’t mind staying with Sarah and Jeremiah. They’re good friends” Nik was glad he could have an apartment next year because honestly the dorm was so small it was obnoxious. Not that he minded being so close to Hunter. That he really didn’t mind. It was just not having room for the stuff that he’d left at home. He wished he and Sasha could have an apartment as a freshman, but that wasn’t possible. That was one of the only reasons he wasn’t in an apartment himself. He knew he was just as entitled to the room as Hunter was, but it was easier to not be there when Hunter was trying to make an important decision. “It’s okay, really. I know I like to be alone when I’m trying to make an important decision. If you really missed me that much, you could have texted me.” I would have come back, he wanted to say. He’d wanted to go back the second he left.

Nik had never been the type to get drunk and hook up with someone. In fact, until he’d slept with Jeremiah, he’d never slept with anyone. It wasn’t in his steps to falling in love. His formula for romance. He’d always been a firm believer that sex meant you cared about someone and that you wanted to be with them. It wasn’t just something a person did to pass the time. Not for Nik. And that’s the exact reason he couldn’t regret what he’d done. Sure, it was a mistake. Sure, he’d wished it was someone else. He didn’t like Jeremiah as much as he liked Hunter. But he didn’t know how to tell Hunter that. Nik wasn’t good with words. He’d never been a master at expressing how he felt out loud. He wanted to avoid looking at Hunter, but he couldn’t. Though Nik instantly regretted looking at Hunter because his roommate was angry. Nik wanted to say that Hunter had no right to be angry. They weren’t a couple. They weren’t anything. Yes, it had been a shitty thing to do, but Hunter shouldn’t have been angry. How could he even explain any of this to Hunter? Nik wished the world would swallow him up. He wished he could just disappear. It was too painful to continue living anymore.

He waited for Hunter to get up and leave. He expected it. At this point, Nik knew he’d done everything wrong. He could hear his heart beating so quickly in his chest and he knew he’d never stop feeling this way about Hunter. That made everything worse. Nik didn’t know if he should wait for Hunter to talk, or just leave himself. He closed his eyes, not able to meet Hunter’s gaze as much as he wished he could. Nik knew this was all his fault. He just didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He’d never been in a situation like this before and he was not sure he ever wanted to be in a situation like this ever again. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Hunter talked. It was the worst situation that Nik had ever been in. He listened to Hunter’s first statement, wondering why Hunter was still here. But it wasn’t until Hunter said he wanted to say yes that Nik understood why he was still sitting there. Nik popped his eyes open to look at Hunter and made a small squeaking noise.

“I’m sor—“ he started to say, his voice small, but stopped himself from finishing the statement. He took a long, deep breath of air and looked at Hunter. “I’m sorry. I just… I thought…” He had no idea what he was trying to say. “Let me explain something, or try to. I’m not good with words sometimes. Not when my emotions are involved anyway. I, um, I’ve never slept with anyone before that night. We got drunk and I’ve known him since I was thirteen years old. I just… I’ve always needed sex to be something special. I’m not like you or Sasha when it comes to intimacy… because I’m inexperienced and I have problems with intimacy because of my childhood. I thought that we didn’t… that you didn’t… that you weren’t going to say yes. I thought I didn’t stand a chance, so I was trying to distract myself from… from the initial rejection. I had no idea what you were going to say. I’ve never left myself so exposed before. It was a completely shit thing to do to you, but I can’t regret it because if I do, then I… I don’t know. But just because I don’t feel regret that it happened, doesn’t mean that I don’t wish it didn’t happen. I used him. As much as I don’t want to admit that to myself. I used him as a distraction from the pain and how exposed I left myself.” There was a bad feeling in Nik’s gut that this wasn’t going to go well. Admitting all of this was really difficult for him. He let out a long sigh.

Hunter knew he was making a mistake just by continuing to sit there. He wanted to forgive Nik so badly and he hated himself for it; Hunter had always promised himself that he’d never date anyone that he felt like screwed him over but had Nik done that? They weren’t together, he really had no right to be upset about his but he was and he couldn’t change that. In Hunter’s opinion, if you tell one guy you like them and want to date them then sleep with somebody else less than 24 hours later, it kind of makes you a jerk. At the same time, Hunter had been in plenty of situations where he’d been drunk, he’d been with a friend and just wanted to get off - it happened, people got over it.

That said, Hunter couldn’t deny that Nik’s admission had him crawling with jealous. A one night stand? He could deal with that. But Nik said he was friends with this person, they’d known each other since they were kids and Nik hadn’t deny liking him, he just didn’t like him as much as he liked Hunter. Thinking about it, Hunter kind of felt bed for the other guy, who’d essentially been used as Nik’s distraction because he couldn’t have Hunter. Hunter didn’t know how to feel about that either.

“You know what really sucks?” Hunter asked, glancing across the table at Nik, “I want to forgive you.” Hunter suddenly wished he’d had more time to think about this, think about what kind of boyfriend Nik would be. If he went and slept with someone after Hunter reacted badly to a kiss then what would he do if they got into a real argument? Hunter liked dating people, he loved getting to know them and discovering his feelings for them but there was always that fear that they’d hurt them. He was too young, he couldn’t let himself get so hurt just because he liked someone. 

“I...” Hunter sighed and sat up in his seat, resting his hands on the stable. He was uncomfortable, he felt like he’d been put on the spot again and he didn’t know how to progress. Well, he did, he knew that he wanted to forgive Nik, tell him that he really, really wanted to go out with him and forget this whole nasty business but he could hear his grandparents and his sister at the back of his mind, telling him to not be such an idiot. “I can get past...all of that,” Hunter said slowly,” but I need a couple of things from you. One: I need you to apologise to that guy you told me about for using him for sex to forget about me because that’s a really horrible thing to do to someone.” Hunter would know, he’s been that guy. “Secondly I need you to promise that you won’t do anything like that again. if we...if we ever got into an argument then I don’t want to be plagued by the fear that you’ll just go and spend the night with someone else.”

“I’m sorry,” he felt like he was saying that a lot lately. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh with Hunter, but he had no idea what he was supposed to act like. He had no idea how he was supposed to say. “Um… I can’t…” he couldn’t say that he was happy to see Hunter because only part of him was. His heart was beating faster than normal, but his brain was trying to keep him in check. “I can’t say that it’s good to see you too.” He couldn’t, as much as he wanted to. Nik was waiting for Hunter to say he was completely finished with Nik. It would hurt too much. It was going to hurt too much. So, no, he couldn’t be happy to see Hunter. As much as he really wanted to be happy. He sighed and sipped at his tea, looking anywhere but at Hunter.

“You don’t have to apologize to me,” he muttered at Hunter, refusing to look at Hunter. This was all too awkward and he hated the feeling in his gut saying that this wasn’t going to go well. Nik listened to Hunter speak and couldn’t decide how he felt about the words that were coming out of his roommate’s mouth. Had he been worrying for nothing? Did Nik know what to do? No. Did he know what he was going to do? Hell no. Did he know what he felt? Yes. Even after the week away from his roommate, he still had feelings for him. Nik raised an eyebrow at Hunter. “I didn’t realize that I was the loud one in the room,” Nik said sarcastically, knowing exactly what Hunter meant by the statement. He wondered if this was Hunter’s way of saying he liked Nik’s company. I guess he was sort of spelling that out to Nik, but Nik still didn’t believe that. He was barely comprehending anything that Hunter was saying.

“You haven’t kissed anyone? Shit. I –“ Nik started, but stopped talking. He felt horrible that he’d slept with someone else. He felt worse that it was the day that he’d asked Hunter out. Nik sighed and rubbed the sides of his head with his hands. He cared so much for Hunter and sleeping with someone, while he didn’t regret it, was still something he knew that he’d need to tell Hunter about. If his roommate was ever going to trust him. Nik had spent all week with someone else. Would Hunter care? They weren’t together. Nik hadn’t cheated. However, it was still a shitty thing to do. Especially to someone that was thinking about a relationship. “Um,” Nik looked at Hunter. “Yeah, Sarah was fine with it. I think she and her brother got annoyed at me eating all their food, but I had a lot of… nice talks.” Nik looked down at the scone and busied himself by eating a little bit of the scone.

“You know what I mean,” Hunter said flatly, not taking kindly to Nik’s sarcasm and wishing he’d just appreciated what Hunter said. “It was different without you there. That’s all I meant.” This wasn’t going well, Hunter was only getting more annoyed with Nik every second and he hated it. He liked him so much, he’d liked him when he first met him but now Hunter felt like he spent so much time being annoyed with Nik that he wondered what he was doing there. Was he really so desperate to be liked? 

“You didn’t have to go and stay with anyone, you know,” Hunter pointed out, “you could’ve stayed.” Hunter honestly wouldn’t have minded if Nik had and he’d felt kind of bad that Nik felt like he’d had to go and stay with friends. They both shared the room, Nik was just as entitled to sleep in it as Nik was. Hunter tried to tell himself that the space and time apart would’ve done them good but it really hadn’t, especially when Nik had turned up bringing an attitude that Hunter didn’t appreciate. Hunter had come here prepared to tell Nik that he was wanted to try dating but was Nik here for the complete opposite reason? Had he changed his mind during that week?

Hunter felt his stomach drop as Nik went off into his apologetic rant. He was angry and he knew it showed; he’d tensed all over and grit his teeth so his jaw was locked tightly. Hunter didn’t even remember defensively crossing his arms like he had. Hunter, who could barely get through a week without hooking up with at least one person, had refrained from doing anything with anyone whilst he thought about where he wanted to take things with Nik. At the same time, Nik had gotten drunk and slept with somebody else and was now telling Hunter that he didn’t regret it.

He let silence fall between them, staring at the table as he contemplated his next move. He should leave, he knew he should because he was upset and they weren’t going to get anywhere like this. Hunter felt so much, he felt jealous and guilty but why was he guilty? He hadn’t told Nik to kiss him, he hadn’t told him to go and stay with a friend, he hadn’t told him to get drunk and fuck somebody else. It wasn’t his fault.

He’d avoided talking to Sasha all week too. He had several voicemails from his brother worried about his health and wondering why he hadn’t called back. Nik’s father even called him. That conversation was short and awkward. Nik assured his father he wasn’t avoiding his brother, he was busy with school and had a lot of tests that week. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either. He just hoped he wouldn’t get caught in it. Nik was almost worried that Sasha would come down after a night of practice, so he’d made a phone call to his dad saying that he really didn’t need Sasha to visit him since he’d be horrible company while he was studying. He was honestly just worried that Sasha would find out what had happened with Nik and Hunter and be worried about him. But Nik was fine. He’d get over it… eventually.

Nik was watching soccer with Jeremiah when his phone chirped with Hunter’s ringtone. He sighed and grabbed his phone. He’d been waiting for this text for days now, but he really didn’t know what he was going to do now. He knew that being with someone else was a lousy substitute for Hunter and it was pretty horrible to lead Jeremiah on like he was, but the probability that Hunter was actually going to reject him was a lot higher than the two of them ending up together. He was almost certain of that at this point. Nik glanced at the text message inviting him to talk at a coffee shop after Hunter’s classes ended. Nik didn’t reply to the text message, unsure how he was supposed to act. He let out another sigh and continued to watch the game.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s the guy I like – my roommate. He wants to talk.” Nik didn’t make an effort to move off the couch, but looked at his friend.

“You should go. Maybe he’s changed his mind.” Nik thought about getting up, but he didn’t know what that would mean… he had no idea what might happen. “You don’t have to worry about me, you know.”

Nik fiddled with his hands and then stood up. Maybe it was a good sign Hunter wanted to talk. And besides, he was ready to go back to his room. Sarah’s apartment seemed crowded with the three of them there and he had eaten through quite a bit of her food. Although both of them assured him that he was alright and could stay as long as he needed to; he knew that was bullshit. “Thanks. I might be back later depending on how this goes. You’re a good friend. I –“ Nik started.

“Get out of here,” Jeremiah laughed.

It only took Nik a few minutes to reach the shop and he circled the parking lot a few times before finally parking. He wondered if he looked pale. He wondered if Hunter would be able to tell what he’d been up to the last week. Nik’s phone buzzed with Hunter’s location in the shop. After a minute – Nik was late – he finally got out of his car and walked into the shop. He went to the counter and ordered a scone and a tea. The scone was probably stale, but he didn’t care. Nik’s’ eyes easily found Hunter and he frowned at how much his heart jumped in his chest when he spotted his roommate. He slowly made his way over to Hunter and sat down across from him.

The first words out of Nik’s mouth made Hunter frown. “Good to see you too,” Hunter muttered, refraining from snapping something at Nik like ‘don’t speak to me like that’. He didn’t know what Nik was annoyed about but Hunter wasn’t going to let it annoy him. He was here to talk, to get everything out in the open and see if Nik was still interested. Anything could’ve happened in the week they’d been apart, Hunter was worried that Nik had done some thinking of his own and maybe decided he didn’t want Hunter anymore. If that was the case, Hunter was about to make a huge fool of himself.

His panic attack didn’t help the situation at all, but he eventually managed to stop his chest from the short, heavy breaths and overwhelming feeling of anxiety. Nik retreated further from Hunter, making himself seem smaller than he actually was. Nik suddenly didn’t want to talk. There were a thousand things he wanted to say, but he didn’t want Hunter to look at him. He knew he needed to say sorry. He knew there were things that he should have said before. He’d fucked this up badly and Nik knew it. Nik tried to calm himself down as best as he possibly could, he didn’t want to have another panic attack; it literally wouldn’t help anything about this situation. He glanced around at anything else in the room besides Hunter. He should have practiced. He should have thought of something to say to Hunter rather than just kissing his roommate. If he could rewind time, he would have done so. Nik didn’t want to have to explain to Sasha that he’d fucked up the situation and Hunter hated him. Sasha was smart enough to know that would have broken Nik.

Honestly, Nik couldn’t exactly pin-point when he’d decided he liked Hunter. The first time they’d met wasn’t exactly something Nik was proud of and that night hadn’t been any better. Nik figured it was over the course of the next few weeks once they started to get to know each other better. He hated his feelings at first, attempting to stifle any feeling he had. Nik dated a few people trying to keep his mind off how badly he wanted his roommate. But nothing had worked. It was easy being around Hunter and Nik had only ever felt comfort like that around Sasha. He didn’t even feel that comfort with his parents and he’d lived with them for the past eight years. Nik slowly admitted his feelings to himself, then Sasha, then it seemed like everyone sort of just knew – like it was spoken in an unknown language. He knew everything would eventually work out in some way, but he had no idea how that would be. Nik would eventually get over a heartbreak and it would be awkward for a while, but they’d get over it.

His medication was addictive and Nik was starting to take it more and more. Before, when he’d been around Sasha, he never really needed it. Sasha was like an anchor that grounded him when he needed to be grounded. Hunter was like that to him as well. While Nik took more and more of his medication, he never needed it if Hunter was around – with the exception of the first night, but that was because of the party. If he took a pill now, it would be the first time he needed one because of Hunter. He’d calmed himself down enough that he didn’t need to take one. Nik weighed the pros and cons for a second, and when the cons of taking the medication won, he decided not to take the medicine. But he didn’t make a move to put the bottle back in its home. Only moments later, Hunter took the pills from him.  Nik’s chest tight at how close Hunter was to him. “I know,” he whispered, looking down at the ground rather than looking at Hunter.

“Nobody’s good at being impulsive,” Hunter said, smiling softly, “otherwise it would be kinda pointless.” Hunter couldn’t say all of his impulsive moments had ended well and it was because he never thought of what came after them. It was pretty clear to him that that wasn’t something Nik was used to, he couldn’t blame him for trying just because it backfired a little bit. Well, a lot but Hunter still appreciated the gesture. He felt like Nik genuinely did like him and he found that endearing, all too often Hunter had been the product of someone’s affections for one thing and one thing only.

“I…I’m not trying to make you jealous, you know that right?” Hunter asked, immediately feeling guilty, “If I knew you liked me then I never….I wouldn’t have done any of that.” Hunter was a lot of things but he wasn’t a jerk and jerks made people jealous on purpose. He’d been under the impression Nik wasn’t interested, he’d told him himself that he wasn’t interested in a relationship, especially since they were roommates. Hunter had just been doing what he always does, he hadn’t stopped to think about how his affections were effecting Nik because why would he? He’d tried to tone it down after Nik came in and threw that remote at him one time, thinking he was just sick of coming back from a day of classes to see Hunter getting too close and personal with a guy he didn’t really know that well. That was something Hunter could understand.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself so he wouldn’t have a panic attack. That wouldn’t help the situation at all and Nik knew that. He took a step back from Hunter so he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss him a third time. Nik didn’t understand why he couldn’t communicate what he wanted. Of course he didn’t know what he wanted. Nik liked Hunter. Nik liked Hunter a lot. Probably more than he should have, considering they were roommates. Except the possibilities of something going wrong didn’t out weight the possibilities that something could go right. At least that’s how Nik was beginning to see it. He was tired of feeling jealous that Hunter was with another man because every time it happened, his heart felt like it was slowly cracking in two. His outburst of anger at Hunter the other day was actually one of the reasons Nik was doing this. He couldn’t explain all of this to Hunter. He was afraid his roommate wouldn’t understand. Nik didn’t know why he couldn’t communicate what he was feeling, but he was two seconds away from having a panic attack.

Hunter’s tone was frustration and Nik could tell that he was growing more and more irritated with him as the lack of conversation wore on. Nik was too afraid to touch Hunter, so he began to retreat further back to not be tempted to reach out. He knew all of this had been in ill thought out plan and the more and more he thought about what he’d done the more and more he was beginning to hate himself. Suddenly he couldn’t help the oncoming panic attack. He had tried to remain as calm as possible, but he knew he was failing. A sob escaped his lips and Nik couldn’t breathe anymore. Every breath he took felt like he was breathing in poison not oxygen. Nik buried his face in his hands, and tried to calm himself down as best as he possibly could. He was vaguely aware that this wasn’t going to help the situation, but he couldn’t really stop it from happening either. Nik was just the type of person to panic in any given situation over some tiny portion of whatever situation he was in. This was too much for him. Not only had he made a poor decision, but Hunter’s irritation was making it worse and the fact that he was supposed to explain what he meant or what he wanted was even more difficult to handle. Nik was sure Hunter hated him now if he didn’t already hate him.

Nik wanted to say so many things to Hunter. He wanted to be able to answer the questions that Hunter was asking, but he also felt like if he did, then something bad would happen. It was easier to just… go with the flow. Nik didn’t know how to tell Hunter that he liked him and it made him jealous to see Hunter with other people. That should have been evident by the way he’d acted earlier this week. Honestly, this was just much worse than Nik ever predicted would happen and what he really wanted was to be able to spell it out without actually saying anything more than what he already had. But that was impossible. Nik pulled his Xanax out of the drawer he kept it in, but his hands were shaking too hard to open the bottle. He looked at Hunter, and instantly regretted it. Hunter was so perfect and exactly the type of person Nik would go for, but Nik knew he was screwing this up. If he hadn’t already fucked it up beyond repair.

The worst part was that Hunter didn’t know what to do, the last thing he wanted was for Nik to have a panic attack over this but he knew how emotional his roommate was. Hunter leaned against the door, letting his head fall back against it and crossing his arms over his chest, looking at the ceiling as if it would give him a solution. What could he say to make this better? Sorry for thinking for myself? For refusing to do something because you told me to do it? There wasn’t much chance of Hunter getting out of this without apologising, either that or he and Nik would walk away from this hating each other and Hunter didn’t want that.

He shifted awkwardly on the spot, alternating between looking at the floor and sparing awkward glances towards Nik, his heart dropping every time he did so. If anything, this proved that they would be a bad idea; would Nik be able to handle Hunter? Probably not. Hunter was somebody that acted on impulse and always went with his gut and it didn’t always turn out well. He had to wear his heart on his sleeve because he refused to be anything other than totally honest with people. Nik knew this about him, if he couldn’t handle that then what did he expect? Hunter couldn’t change who he was for somebody, no matter how much he liked them.

Hunter swallowed hard when he saw Nik reaching for his medication but didn’t make any immediate move to stop him – it wasn’t Hunter’s business to stop him. He did look up when Nik started talking, sighing softly and rubbing his hands over his face. This was too difficult, they were roommates and this situation wasn’t making any sense. If Hunter wasn’t terrified of the consequences, he’d tell Nik exactly what he just told him. He did like Nik, he’d liked him since the day they met but was this something they could handle?

The kiss was everything Nik imagined it would be. The height difference made it a little bit awkward, but there wasn’t much that wasn’t awkward when it came to Nik. He felt himself relaxing instantaneously, as if Hunter had an aura of tranquility around him. Hunter was oddly calming and Nik really needed that right now. Nik tried to ignore the fact that his heart was beating what seemed like a hundred beats a second. He tried to ignore how warm his skin was growing with each passing second. Nik even tried to ignore how perfectly his arms seemed to fit around Hunter, as if they were made to curl around Hunter’s waist. But everything was apparent the longer they stood like this, the longer the kiss lasted. Nik wanted nothing more than for the two of them to keeping kissing, but after what seemed like only a second, Hunter broke the kiss. The noise of frustration was almost instinct, and Nik wanted their lips to reconnect again.

He knew Hunter was going to demand an explanation, but he didn’t have one. He didn’t know what he wanted to say to Hunter about the kiss. He didn’t know how to explain what he had done and why. Nik liked Hunter and he wanted a relationship with Hunter, but he had no idea how to explain that to Hunter. Especially not with the thought of rejection being possible and how weird it would be for the two of them if they didn’t work out. Nik rambled about a lot of things, so sure, he talked a lot. But normally his talking and speeches were about simple things – like laundry and soccer, nothing too big, and nothing important. This. This was different. These were his feelings. He wasn’t good at explaining those to anyone. He didn’t like to get hurt. Mainly, Nik didn’t know how he felt or why. It was annoying that he felt like that, however, he felt more exposed than ever now that he had to explain what had happened. Nik let out a long sigh, his gaze going to the ground.

“I…” Nik started, unable to go on. He frowned and felt himself freeze up. Nik bit down on his lip, a nervous habit of his. He unhook his hands from around Hunter’s waist and stepped back a bit, hoping to put more of a comfortable distance between them for this. He needed a small bit of space to feel a little bit comfortable. Nik closed his eyes, wishing that Hunter could understand by just looking at him, without him having to use his words because he couldn’t find the right words to express himself. He didn’t know what he needed to say. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he opened his mouth to speak. “You keep kissing other people,” was all he could say. He was really starting to hate that more than he wanted to admit. Nik felt it was safe to look at Hunter, but he was wrong. Hunter’s eyes were open and Nik felt breathless just staring at him for a moment.

“I want to kiss you.” Nik wanted to kiss Hunter again… and again… and again. He almost felt like the kiss had been a drug that he was already addicted to. Not that he minded at all. Nik couldn’t will himself to say anything else at that current moment. He didn’t have anything else to say. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. Words were escaping him right now. Every emotion he normally would have felt, was heightened by at least a hundred percent and he wasn’t used to feeling this much all at once. Beginning to fall for his roommate left Nik irritable and grumpy most of the time, but this… this was a chance. Any other time in Nik’s life and he might have been able to say something more articulate, but he was sure that Hunter was one of the few people that he acted like a total fool around. Nik couldn’t figure out what else he needed to say, so instead of saying something, he leaned down and kissed Hunter again. This kiss didn’t last as long, but Nik started to feel the same symptoms he felt the last time. He broke the kiss after only a few seconds.

Hunter frowned. What exactly did Nik mean? Hunter was allowed to kiss people, no one could tell him otherwise, he wasn’t in a relationship with anyone so why wouldn’t he? Hunter liked kissing and he liked people, if Nik was trying to give him a reasonable reason not to keep kissing people then he needed to try harder and Hunter wanted to tell him so. He knew this must be difficult for Nik, he was being put on the spot now but hadn’t he done the same thing, moments before, when he kissed Hunter? 

“I want you to kiss me,” Hunter whispered before he could stop himself. He’d been struggling to maintain eye contact with Nik, his gaze continuously flickering back to Nik’s lips. He liked the kiss, he wanted to tell Nik that he was a good kisser but it wasn’t really the time. Hunter wanted answers, he wanted to know what had changed in Nik to make him think this was a good idea, he wanted to know what he expected to happen after this; what he wanted from Hunter. He let Nik kiss him again but didn’t put as much effort into it this time and he was grateful when Nik broke it first. Then Hunter was frowning again and he took a small step away. Stop kissing other people. 

Honestly, Hunter was the exact sort of person that Nik would like. He wasn’t exactly short – but he was shorter than Nik. He was kind and caring. He was outgoing. Nik knew that eventually they wouldn’t be roommates and Nik could maybe, possibly ask Hunter out over the summer. He liked to think that they’d gotten to be pretty good friends over the past few months. Despite their first night that was awkward and weird, Hunter had seemed to stop bring people back to the room. Nik knew he still partied and hooked up with people, but he hadn’t brought anyone back to the room, so Nik could just pretend that he was sleeping in a friend’s room. Although he wasn’t there to date, he’d been on a couple of dates so far. Nothing really clicked with the people he went on a date with. His friend Sarah set him up with a few people she thought he’d like, but honestly, they were more friend material than anything else. His mind just went back to Hunter.

Hunter opened his mouth to repeat the question again and Nik surged towards him. Hunter froze and stared up at Nik, wanting to shout at him and smile at him all at the same time. His heart was beating so hard he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Hunter felt like he should keep talking but he drew a blank, what could he say to this? He knew if he started asking why Nik got him back here then he’d only get annoyed. He was meant to be in class right now and felt like an idiot for running back here like he had.

Oh.

Nik’s lips met his and Hunter breathed in sharply through his nose. That was not what Hunter was anticipating and he couldn’t tell if he was offended or not. He let the kiss happen, melting into it and relaxing without much persuasion. Hunter peeled himself off the door to cup his hands at the back to Nik’s neck, giving himself some leverage to bring himself to closer to Nik’s height. This was going to be a strange discussion after, Hunter thought. He was mostly curious about why Nik had to do this now and couldn’t have waited an extra 45 minutes for Hunter to get out of class. It didn’t matter, Hunter was strangely at ease as he kissed Nik because it felt like a genuine relief, there was so much pent up tension between them (he now realised) and it felt like it was all seeping away.

Hunter did pull away eventually and he nearly passed out from the lack of oxygen. He hadn’t been paying attention when he and Nik were kissing and he’d already been out of breath when he got back to their room. He stared at Nik, a frown of confusion forming quickly and he squinted at Nik, tilting his head to one side.

Mid-October wasn’t that cold in Georgia, but everywhere Nik went he kept hearing people complaining about the cold weather. He rolled his eyes at the girls wearing big jackets and the guys already switching to long pants. Nik thought the weather was still a little too warm for his taste. He could tell which people were from the more northern states because they weren’t complaining about the weather. While Nik really didn’t consider Maryland that far in the north, he didn’t really find this weather that chilly. That said, he was currently cuddled in bed in one of Sasha’s travel team sweatshirts that he had stolen last time he was home. He had homework that he should have been working on, but he was nervously fiddling with his phone waiting for a response from Sasha, which arrived only a few minutes later.

               Sasha: Nik… chill the fuck out.

Nik: I can’t. I don’t want anything bad to happen and Hunter was the one who said he didn’t want to kiss me at the beginning of the year.

               Sasha: Yeah, but you said he’s been flirting with you a lot.

Nik: He always flirts with me, that’s no different than normal. I just don’t want things to be awkward between us if something goes wrong.

               Sasha: They won’t.

Nik: You don’t know that.

               Sasha: Nik, stop. If you don’t want to try, then don’t. It really doesn’t make a difference to me. You’re the one who always talks about how hot he is and how much you like him, so you’re the one who is losing out on the chance that things could pan out. Anyway, I’ve got to go to practice. Text me later when you’ve made a decision. Just do what you think is best for you. And maybe for once listen you your <3. :D

               Sasha: Also, did you steal my sweatshirt?

Nik: Okay. Of course not! Your clothing doesn’t fit me.

Nik felt no closer to a decision than he had before he texted Sasha, but he figured he needed to come to a decision soon. He thought about the previous week. He’d been certain that Hunter had been flirting with him. Actually flirting with him. Actively flirting with him and not just being himself – which normally involved flirting. But then he’d come back to find Hunter making out with some random guy. Nik had been really mad and may have thrown his PlayStation controller at Hunter – or not AT him, but in his direction – and stormed out of the room, slamming the door so hard, other people left their room to see what happened. Nik went to the range to shoot some of his aggression out, but Hunter followed him there. They argued and almost kissed, but Nik couldn’t bring himself to let it happen. He was just so angry and annoyed that he couldn’t bring himself to kiss Hunter as much as he wanted to. Nik had spent most of the week reflecting on that moment – and avoiding Hunter. He supposed that gave him his answer. He wanted to kiss Hunter. He was jealous that Hunter kept kissing other people.

Hunter didn’t know what to do with these feelings, almost certain that Nik didn’t reciprocate. They were roommates for a start, they had to share a room every single night (more or less) and if something happened between them then it would only make things awkward for the both of them. Hunter tried to get past it by hooking up with other people. He hadn’t dated anybody, he kissed guys he met at parties and sometimes went home with them. Hunter refrained from bringing guys back to his and Nik’s room after that first night, he still had nightmares about waking up and Nik’s brother, Sasha, busting into the room. It didn’t do much, hooking up with other guys was a decent distraction but Hunter didn’t like any of them, not the way he liked Nik. Sure, all of them were attractive and usually pretty nice but they weren’t what he wanted. He knew he was comparing every guy he met to Nik; he wanted his height, his awkward attitude, his tendency to go off on tangents. There wasn’t anyone that even compared to that, in Hunter’s eyes.

The text immediately had him worried and Hunter was out of the classroom within 10 seconds of reading it. He was scared Nik had gotten hurt but he couldn’t fathom how or why. What if someone hurt him? What if it was that crazy guy from the party, their first night on campus, that Nik punched in the face? Hunter didn’t even take a second to text back to let Nik know he was on his way, simply sprinting across campus and back to the dorms. Years of track had made Hunter pretty quick and he was back within a couple of minutes, breathing hard as he stumbled in through the door.

He had no idea what time he even left the party, or what he had done when he left the party. Nik vaguely remembered making out with several different people, but he probably wouldn’t even recognize their faces if he saw them. He lost track of Hunter at some point in the evening, but wasn’t worried. He hoped his roommate either could find his way home, or made a friend that he could crash with for the evening before coming back to the room. Eventually, Nik found his way back to the room and the clock told him it was around two in the morning. He didn’t even remember falling asleep, but he was dead to the world in only a matter of minutes, nothing would have been able to wake him from the deep slumber he fell into, so easily. He probably wouldn’t remember much about that night, or morning, but that didn’t worry him at all.

It was a text message that woke Nik up. That and the sunlight streaming in the window of his new room. A quick glance at his clock told him it was well after eleven and he was vaguely aware that Sasha was probably here somewhere, although that wasn’t his main concern. Nik groaned as he moved, his head aching with every movement he made. But even as his brain and body screamed in agony, he forced himself up out of bed. He glanced over to make sure Hunter was there, and was shocked to see the outline of two bodies in his roommate’s bed. What the hell? he thought, wondering when that happened and how he’d even managed to sleep through that. Nik grabbed his phone and looked at the text from his brother saying he’d arrived on campus well over an hour ago. What time had Sasha even left home? Nik vaguely wondered. Nik needed coffee and a shower. He barely remembered anything about what happened the night before, but he did remember that he’d punched someone. A glance at his hand told him that was true, dried blood was caked around his knuckles and Nik had no idea if it was his own or the person he’d punched. He supposed it didn’t matter.

He heard Hunter shift in bed, but he didn’t look back at his roommate. Honestly, he was trying not to deal with the jealousy he felt over Hunter hooking up with someone that was not… well Nik. He silently cursed himself for even thinking that. Nik didn’t want a relationship and he sure as hell didn’t need one with his roommate, though that didn’t stop the thought from crossing his mind. He made himself busy with finding where he’d put the supplies to his coffee maker, his coffee mugs, and his first aid kit. Nik ignored the buzzing of his phone. After a few minutes of shuffling around, Nik heard the coffee maker ding signaling that it was finished. He poured two mugs and went to hand one to Hunter. He was just glad that his roommate wasn’t talking because he didn’t know if he could handle much right now. Nik texted Sasha his room number, not even bothering to tell him that he needed an ID to get in the dorm – Sasha was cute enough and smart enough to flirt with someone to get himself in the building. All Nik wanted now was a shower and about seven more hours of sleep, but he was up now. Nik barely got through half his coffee before the door burst open and he was staring at his brother.  

               “Good morning!” Sasha exclaimed, a little louder than Nik expected. Hadn’t Nik said he was going to a party? Meaning he’d be out late. Meaning he’d wake up later than usual. Meaning he might possibly have a hangover. Meaning Sasha needed to shut up.

“For the love of god shut the fuck up,” he groaned, grabbing for one of his pillows to throw at Sasha. His brother had always been way too chipper and hyper in the morning. He must have had at least three cups of coffee given that he was here this early and it was an eight hour drive home from campus. Nik rarely wanted to smother his brother, but right now Sasha was testing the little patience he had. As much as he loved his Sasha, he was exhausted.

               “Good to see you too,” Sasha laughed, dodging the pillow. Again, he was being way too loud. “You’re not even dressed yet. Nik it’s literally eleven twenty. What the hell?”

“I was up late,” Nik muttered. He finished the cup of coffee and leaned back in his bed. He needed ten more cups of coffee and a shower. Nik glanced over at Hunter, his face apologetic for the loudness he was probably causing. Hunter probably had a headache too, but Nik assumed that he was better equipped to handle a hangover than himself.

Slowly, the events of the night before started to come back to Hunter and he didn’t like anything he remembered. He remembered the confrontation with the guy that’d been a dick to Nik and Nik punching him in the nose – that part wasn’t so bad. Hunter vaguely remembered more drinking and grinding against the guy asleep next to him. There were snippets of the walk back to Hunter’s dorm room, remembering that they’d decided on there because it was closer. He still couldn’t remember if Nik had already been home when they got there, they hadn’t turned a light on but they’d been reasonably loud; how Nik could’ve slept through that was a mystery to Hunter.

Hunter felt an urge to snap at Nik, who was making too much noise doing whatever it was he was doing. It sounded like he was trying to unpack or construct something and all Hunter wanted was peace and quiet. Minutes later he smelled the coffee, it should’ve been appealing but his hangover just made him feel ill. Hunter stared at the coffee mug Nik offered to him before he took it, mumbling a thanks as he sipped at it. Too hot. Hunter flinched and put the mug on his bedside table, burying his face in his pillow again. Everything was too bright and too loud and he felt like he was being tortured, the worst part being that he couldn’t bring himself to fall back asleep.

The door burst open and Hunter almost jumped out of his skin, waking up the man next to him as a consequence. For a second he thought it was maybe campus security but the reality was much worse. Hunter sat up on his side, rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand and making sure his blanket covered enough that he wasn’t scandalising everyone.

“What the fuck,” he mumbled sleepily. Hunter was done with this entire morning, it was day 2 of college and there was nothing he wanted more than to be back home in his own bed. At least there he’d be undisturbed. He met Nik’s gaze and glared at him, silently demanding an explanation for the extremely noisy individual. In any other situation, Hunter would’ve been more than glad to meet Nik’s younger brother but not when he was this loud and Hunter was this hungover. The man next to him shifted and groaned, only audible for Hunter as he mumbled, “What the fuck is that noise?”

Hunter grunted in acknowledgement of Sasha and shook his hand half-heartedly, then allowing himself to lie face down on his bed and wait for everyone to shut up. “No,” Hunter exclaimed, in response to Sasha’s query, “Well, we did-“ he said, gesturing to himself and the man next to him, “-we did not-“ gesturing between them and Nik, “-or I don’t think we did. Did we?” Hunter asked, looking at Nik properly for the first time that morning. The man next to Hunter cleared his throat and he pushed himself up onto his side, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I, uh…I should go.”

“You should,” Hunter agreed, moving slightly so the other could get out of bed. He got dressed hastily, not making eye contact with anybody except Hunter who was trying to look anywhere but at anyone. He wasn’t expecting the man to kiss him before he left and Hunter’s eyes went wide, not really reciprocating but not really pulling away either, simply allowing it. He nodded in response to the quick ‘you have my number’ that was called back before he left the room, door slamming.

Nik knew he was in for trouble the second he saw his old bully. Flashes of his childhood came back all at once, and it was overwhelming him. Nik remembered one of the encounters he had with the man in front of him – and how it left him with a scar. He hated that people were able to make him so angry and so scared at the same time. Nik had told Hunter that he could handle himself, but that hadn’t been true. Hunter probably had no idea that he was allowed to step in at any second. Nik just knew he probably wouldn’t. His ability to handle himself was really just running from the situation and forgetting that it happened. That wasn’t always the most mature thing to do, however Nik never claimed to be brave in anyway. Dealing with something like this was worse because this was part of his past. This man had been part of something that was painful for Nik to even think about. He hadn’t been in that foster home for more than two months before he forced himself to do something stupid to get them kicked to another one. He’d given up hope that he and Sasha would ever be adopted at that point, but their next home was the last one and then Nik didn’t have to think of the horrors that he’d been through as a child.

The vodka burned his throat going down and Nik almost wanted to throw the drink back up, but he held it down. He was so scared of the man in front of him, that he wasn’t even thinking about the side effects of drinking with his medication. He hoped it wouldn’t be that serious, though he had no idea what sort of night he was in for at this point. Nik thought that he’d deal with that when the time came. It took would take a while before the effects of the alcohol actually affected anything in his system. Nik knew that it would probably make him pretty drunk – still he didn’t know the alcohol content of the vodka. He wanted more of the drink, but Hunter had snatched it from his hands before he was able to take another gulp of the drink. Nik half-heartedly grabbed for the bottle when Hunter took it from him, but he didn’t make a big effort to try and take it from Hunter before he gave it to some random person that had walked by. It was probably better if he didn’t have anything else to drink – probably for a long time. Except Nik wanted to forget this entire night. He felt Hunter tug on his elbow and knew it was a silent plea to walk away before this got worse, but he didn’t want the man to get the last word in. He turned his attention to the man in front of him.

“Sasha isn’t stupid. I’m not stupid either. I didn’t have to cheat my way in, unlike you. I don’t think I’m better than everyone, but I know I’m better than you. I didn’t have to bully other children to make myself feel better. You should just shut your mouth before you make a fool out of yourself,” Nik’s words felt like nothing compared to the man’s words. They had actually stung Nik and he knew that his words wouldn’t mean a single thing to the heartless man in front of him. One of the few things that Nik remembered about him was that he was three years older than him – which meant he was a senior now. He didn’t look any tougher or any smarter than he had as a child. Nik still didn’t remember the name. He’d probably blocked that from his memory. He was expecting the man to sink low to insult him – what he wasn’t expecting was to hear what he heard. Nik finally turned to walk away from the situation. He knew when to walk away from a situation, but apparently Hunter had different plans. “No,” he muttered, but it was too late and his words had been drowned out by the music playing. Nik’s heart was beating a little too quickly and he was worried about what would happen next.

               “Oh, that’s a surprise, your guard dog does have teeth. I was expecting him to be like your brother. It was always fun getting him to fight me,” the man laughed, not at all phased by what Hunter was saying. He raised an eyebrow at the two of them a sick smile on his face. “I wouldn’t threaten me if I were you. I have a whole lot of people that will back me up in a fight and trust me, you don’t want to go down that road.” He chuckled again. “Or maybe you do. Maybe you have a death wish. Suits me just fine if you do. Scum like you two shouldn’t be allowed to live.”

Nik couldn’t take it anymore. Like Hunter, he snapped the second the man opened his mouth again. He stepped in between the man and Hunter, the rage apparent on Nik’s face. As stupid as it was, Nik shoved him into the wall and kept one hand pressed against his chest and the other he reeled back to punch him square in the face. Nik heard the crunch of his fist against the man’s nose. Pain shot through his hand on impact to the man’s face, but Nik could barely feel it and the satisfying feeling that he had broken the man’s nose more than made up for any pain he might have felt. If that was a side effect from the adrenaline or the alcohol, Nik wasn’t sure, but he was grateful for it. “Threaten me or him again and you’ll be the one who is sorry. I’m not the same fucking person you knew back then. I could literally kill you right here and wouldn’t see a lick of jail time.” He had never been an angry person. Not like this at least, he controlled it most of the time. This was his birth father’s anger – something Nik fought hard to control. But this man didn’t deserve Nik’s control. “I suggest you back the hell off and think about who it is you’re threatening. The next time you come anywhere near me – anywhere near him and certainly if you ever go near my brother – I’ll make sure you suffer for it.” Nik watched the blood poor down the man’s face, feeling satisfied at the work he’d done. He glanced at his own hand, which would bruise but he was fine.

He let Nikoli guide him away from the scene, glancing back over his shoulder to get a good look at the blood on the man’s face. Yep, it was extremely satisfying. They came to a halt and Hunter grabbed Nikoli’s hand, looking at his knuckles with part concern, part pride. “You fucked that guy up!” Hunter shouted over the music, grinning at Nikoli…or Nik rather. “Anybody would’ve done it, I wasn’t going to let him talk to you like that.” As awesome as that display had been, Hunter was ready to forget the entire thing. He didn’t care about that man and he certainly didn’t care for anything he had to say to Nik. He nodded at his suggestion, moving to a much more lively part of the party where they could forget the entire thing.

Hunter’s way of forgetting it was to drink much more and ending up dancing with the exact guy he’d intended to keep away from. No, not the guy that Nik punched in the face, the guy that been making some pretty serious eye contact with Hunter earlier on. Fairly casual dancing turned into grinding, which turned into kissing, which turned into the eventual whispers of ‘you’re really hot’, ‘we should get out of here’ and ‘let’s go back to yours’ and the rest was a blurry history. Hunter would later realise that he’d once again failed to keep an eye on Nik but he hadn’t been focused on him. If that encounter had proved anything it was that Nik could definitely handle himself. Hunter remembered part of the walk back to his room, he remembered kissing and getting out of his clothes and getting into bed and…well everything else.

He woke up with a migraine and the sunlight streaming through the window didn’t help. Hunter groaned, slowly lifting his head from the pillow and letting it drop back down immediately. He was warmer than he thought he’d be, considering most of his blanket was loosely gathered around his waist. It took Hunter a moment but he spotted the arm thrown over his lower back and suddenly everything came back to him.

“You can, if both parties are willing to.” Nik thought about both his break-ups, realizing that they’d been strange cases according to most people’s definition of break-ups. Personally, Nik didn’t like to be rude to people and he really didn’t want to hurt anyone. He knew that break-ups could be difficult – at least from what he’d seen on television – but he wasn’t the type of person to hold a grudge on someone for just not having the same sort of emotional connection that he was looking for in a relationship. Nik wondered how many people Hunter had dated, but elected not to ask since it was a bit more intrusive than he thought necessary on the first day they met. He was curious though, and made a mental note to ask about it later. “No, it’s okay. I’ll wash it and give it back. Maybe you can use it to sleep in or something,” Nik looked back at Hunter with a smile. He was really trying hard not to be a pain. If Hunter insisted that he kept the shirt, then he might consider it. He wondered if that’s how Hunter would be with it. Nik thought Hunter’s willingness to give the shirt to him was either because he truly did dislike his ex or because he was trying to be nice. It probably didn’t matter to anyone else, but Nik wanted to know.

“So learn to not flirt with me,” Nik retorted, a bit more harshly than he meant. It was going to be difficult if Nik had to live with Hunter for an entire year if he was always like this. Nik found Hunter attractive and he was starting to form a sort of emotional bond to his roommate, even after only a few hours. That irritated him more than it probably should have, but knowing that Hunter was trying to flirt with him was only going to make this year worse for him. It wasn’t like Hunter couldn’t flirt with him, but Nik really didn’t want that. He had learned better than to think about a relationship this early in the year, and even then the last person he really wanted to date would be his roommate. If it got to be a problem, he’d see if he could switch rooms. It was allowed in certain cases, few and far between. But Nik was sure that it would only take a call from his father to the president for Nik to get a room change. He just hoped it wouldn’t have to come to that. Although if he did change rooms, he might could then explore the weird feelings he had for Hunter. Nik pushed that thought aside and tried to focus on calming himself down.

Nik was young when he’d been diagnosed with depression and subsequently anxiety. The depression was never as bad as his anxiety was, but he fought though both mental illnesses. His anxiety could be triggered by almost anything, but one of the biggest triggers of it was being separated from his family. Part of the reason he hadn’t wanted any of them to come is because he knew he’d panic when they left. He knew better than to say that to them, because they’d just tell him that it would be okay. Nik knew his boundaries and he wasn’t willing to push them. He felt it best to just do what he was the most comfortable with in any situation. Why he decided a party was a good idea was beyond him. Maybe he was just trying to impress Hunter. He knew that his pill from earlier had worn off, so he knew he’d need another one for the party. Hunter didn’t question the drugs, which was either something good or bad. Maybe Hunter thought it was something else, or he was just too polite to ask. Nik would explain later. He wasn’t afraid to hide the fact that he was depressed or that he had panic attacks.

He left the room at Hunter’s command. “It’s okay. I won’t.” Nik knew that his medication really didn’t mix well with alcohol, so he wasn’t going to risk it by drinking anything. Hopefully his nerves would calm down when the medicine started to kick in. He was just lucky that Hunter would also watch him – though he didn’t know how well Hunter was planning on watching him. Nik followed him to where the party was and said hello to the people that Nik introduced him to. He remained polite, yet a bit distanced from them. Hunter was enough for one day friend wise, so he wasn’t too keen on making anymore friends this evening. Maybe there would be someone he’d have a strong connection, but thus far, none of Hunter’s friends stood out to him. As soon as Hunter left to get a drink, Nik settled into a corner of the room, away from the crowds of people. The music was loud and there were a lot of people dancing. Neither was really his style, so he sat near the edge of the room. A few people came up to talk to him, and he remained as friendly as possible, but really didn’t give them much to work with. No one seemed to be someone he’d associate with outside a setting like this, so he wasn’t betting that anyone would really stick around long enough to talk to. He did at least try to get along with people and when someone asked him to dance, he allowed them once dance before going back to his corner of the party.

Nik was sipping at some of the water that he’d gotten a few minutes ago when Hunter arrived in front of him. From the looks of him, Hunter had a few too many drinks so far, and Nik thought he probably was bound to have more. He knew the way back to the dorm, so that wasn’t exactly a problem. He was more worried about Hunter’s safety. “Oh, I needed a breather. I’m fine.” He wondered if Hunter would believe that and not think that he’d been here the whole time. Nik smiled to show that he was alright, but it was fake, though he doubted that Hunter would know that in his current state. Nik glanced at the guy Hunter was pointing to, but he had no idea how he was supposed to even stop Hunter from hooking up with someone, let alone someone who probably would beat him up if he wanted to. Nik nodded at Hunter’s question, not really having a good time, but not wanting to say that he wasn’t having a good time. It wasn’t like this was the worst night of his life, it just wasn’t the best.

               “Nikoli? Nikoli Vasyliev?” A voice rang out from the crowd. Nik visibly paled at the mention of his birth father’s last name. Not many people knew that name, but those who did were people from when he was in the foster care system. Nik turned to face the voice and bit back the panicky feeling he was about to have. He was nine the last time he’d seen this boy’s face – though he wasn’t much of a boy anymore. They’d never gotten along and the boy had bullied him until Nik decided to take matters into his own hands, which led to him getting kicked out of that foster home. “It’s been what…” he counted on his fingers, then held them up, “nine years since I saw you last. You haven’t changed a bit. Taller, much taller. I guess they feed you well where you ended up. How many more homes were you in? Or did they send you someplace special?” his tone was mocking. Nik couldn’t remember his name anymore – he’d blocked that from his memory a long time ago, but he remembered the face and the cruel words and actions that he’d never forget.

A table of drinks was beside them and Nik grabbed a bottle of something. He took the lid off it his hands shaking as he tossed the cap aside and drank straight from the bottle. Nik wanted nothing more than to climb back into his bed at home where his family was. “It’s Wells. Nikoli Wells. I was adopted.” He couldn’t will himself to say anymore. Nik hoped that even in Hunter’s tipsy state, he would pull Nik away from this situation. Obviously Nik was uncomfortable. He glanced down for a second to see that he’d grabbed hold of Hunter’s arm. He let go and let out a sigh. 

Hunter was about to ask Nikoli if he wanted to leave when he heard someone calling for Nikoli – except he was using the wrong surname. He squinted at the guy suspiciously, already disliking his vibe majorly, mostly because it was obvious his very presence was making Nikoli uncomfortable. Strangely, Hunter felt himself sober slightly and he watched the exchange carefully, not getting involved straight away because he wanted to let Nikoli fight his own battle. That said, he really, really didn’t like the way this guy was talking to Nikoli and was one word away from stepping in. He didn’t care about the history, although Hunter decided maybe they’d known each other in foster care, since he was using what Hunter could only presume was Nikoli’s old surname.

As soon as Nikoli snatched up the vodka bottle, Hunter’s eyes went wide and it took everything he had not to step in yet. He wasn’t going to stop him because if Hunter was in his situation then he’d want some liquid courage too. Still, the sight of Nikoli drinking the vodka straight made Hunter want to gag, even he wasn’t capable of that and he could drink alcohol like a fish drinks water. He stared at Nikoli’s hand on his arm but didn’t pull away, standing close to him and eyeing up the other man. Hunter didn’t like his attitude, he didn’t like how he was speaking to Nikoli and he kind of wanted him to fuck off.

“That’s enough,” Hunter murmured to Nikoli, gently plucking the bottle of vodka out of his hand and passing it to a random guy who was already too drunk to notice Hunter had given it to him. Hunter took hold on Nikoli’s elbow, silently telling him to walk away from the situation before it got out of hand. Everything this guy was saying was horrible and Hunter didn’t want Nikoli upset – he also didn’t want a fight to break out. At this point, Hunter was ready to punch this stranger because of everything he was saying, it was out of line and uncalled for and Hunter wanted to know exactly what it would take for this guy to piss off.

The he dropped the ‘F’ bomb.

Hunter snapped his attention onto the man so quickly he almost fell over. He hated that word and Hunter had heard it enough times in his life to have a true hatred for it. Although he’d been popular in high school, being gay had obviously come with its disadvantages and Hunter had had to deal with a lot of sexuality related bullying. It didn’t help that he was kind of easy, once Hunter hooked up with somebody he never heard the end of it. The difference with him was that he could ignore it, he had friendships strong enough that he didn’t have to care about what other people said about him but still – that word got to him.