Humans of STLCOP

Submitted by ER (faculty)

Submitted by "Confused and Hurt" "I've tried so many times to reach out to my roommate. I always ask when she's free to meet up and make an effort to talk to her. At this point I feel like giving up. I don't know why, but she ignores me completely and asks like we were never friends. I called my mom for advice, and she told me just to ignore her and pretend like it's not a big deal. People are so different from each other, and some people are just not meant to be in your life. This is a hard realization, but my mom also told me this is how life is. Going through things like this will make me a more well-rounded person and will prepare me for bigger and worse situations in the future."

Submitted by "Lost a Friend" "Some time ago my roommate and I got into a fight because of what another girl spread about me. We talked and I thought we settled everything, but she kept being passive-aggressive and even spread rumors about me herself. I've tried talking to her but she keeps pretending there's no tension between us. It's gotten to the point where she doesn't even acknowledge me. I feel bad for her because she can't voice her opinions to me and refuses to even try to keep our friendship going. I would just like to know what is going through her head and why she's acting the way she is. She told me once that she was "jealous" of me, but that's not a good excuse to cut of a strong friendship. I have lost one of my best friends, but I guess it was for the best. College has shown me that there are so many different people out there in the world, and it's best to keep your true friends close to you and not let anyone else bother you. Friendships will fade, and you will just have to move on."

Submitted by "I'llbetyoudidn'tknow"

Submitted by "Loss to Gain" "I remember waking up to a phone call at 5:00 a.m. from my sister saying our father was having a heart attack and to get to the hospital now. By the time I reached the hospital he was gone. I was so mad at myself because I had moved away from home and was not there to protect him. I was not even there to say good bye. My father was from Tunisia, North Africa, and had no extended family here in the United States. After his death, we buried him overseas in Tunisia. The next year, for the first time, my mom, sister, and I went to Tunisia to meet his extended family and see where he was buried. It was a very scary feeling because we had never met any of his family nor did we speak his language. My dad’s family, which was my family, welcomed us with open arms and at that point, I realized I may have lost a father but I gained an entire family. To this day, I feel closer to my father and his heritage than I have ever felt before."

Submitted by "Music is Life" "I've been involved in music for as long as I can remember. I loved being in choir and playing my instrument, but I also was involved in sports throughout high school. Nothing compared to the performances or games though because that was when you could truly shine. The thrill of being up in front of people was such a cool experience that taught me how to be brave, proud, confident, and more. There is no doubt that I would change anything if I had the chance to do it all over again. I met some of my closest friends through music and sports. Even listening to music is calming and, at some points, my escape from the real world for a while. I think everyone should find something that really drives them and I definitely found mine-music. Music led me to many new life time experiences. For example, last year I was able to perform at Disney World alongside the best staff members I have ever met! That was the coolest experience because I felt like everything I had worked so hard to achieve ever since I could remember had become a reality as soon as I step on those Disney World stages in Epcot, Magic Kingdom, and so many more. Music is my passion. Always has been, always will be."

Submitted Anonymously "I grew up wondering if I could ever get through life with extremely thick and wavy hair and being overweight. I feel like I was bullied for my looks when I was younger, so I got very conscious about it. I had always hoped to keep my hair straight all the time and eventually lose weight. After my first year of college, I reached my goal weight - but better yet, I've accepted my wavy hair because it's a part of who I am, and I can walk around without discomfort. I've been feeling a lot more confident about myself since then!"

Submitted by Kristen T. "I have been figure skating for eleven years and nine of  those years I was a synchronized figure skater. Before coming to STLCOP,  figure skating was such a huge part of my life; waking up every Saturday  morning at four thirty and ‘sleeping in’ until six on Sunday morning became a  ritual. And my senior year of high school I had to make a big decision, to  either pursue pharmacy at a college that has a synchronized skating team or  come to STLCOP and put my education first. I decided to put my education  first, however, it was a big adjustment from skating a least four times a  week and dedicating so much time to the beautiful sport to solely focusing on  school and not skating. However, although I am no longer a synchronized  skater, I have gained great experiences and friends from being involved in  the sport for so much of my life. My senior year, my team barely qualified  for Nationals because at Mids, the qualifying competition, we landed in  fourth place and only four teams got to go to Nationals. Then, a month later,  after doing drills to prepare for the altitude and all of us giving  two-hundred percent at each practice, we traveled to Colorado to compete at  Nationals. Nationals is a competition in which we got to compete against  twelve of the best teams in the country, and we won! We became the number one  team in the U.S. in the intermediate division. This was a truly incredible  way to end synchronized skating because all of our hard work truly paid off.  And although I am so proud and thankful for that experience, synchronized  skating gave me more than a gold National medal. It taught me how to work  with others, to be a true team player, something I will use for the rest of  my life, because in synchronized skating there are sixteen girls on the ice  that is thirty two blades right next to each other; communication is crucial.  I also learned time management and determination which has helped me so much  as a freshman at STLCOP. The sport gave me unbelievable friends that I will  have for years to come. And, possibly the most important thing I learned from  synchronized skating is that dreams do come true if you want something bad  enough. Even though I will no longer be a synchronized figure skater, I still  plan on keeping figure skating in my life because it is such an incredible  sport, one that I still have so much to learn from. And, when I am gliding  across the ice, all of my stress fades away and I feel like anything is  possible."

Submitted anonymously

Submitted by "F.C.H.W." "A long time ago I started believing that everything happens for a reason. Something really bad would happen to me, but not long after something amazing would transpire that wouldn't have been possible if the bad thing never happened. Right now I'm having a really hard time making it through this program, but I know that I am here for a reason so I am determined to see it through. It's not that it's too hard or I'm too lazy. I'm just going through a lot of stuff outside of the walls of STLCOP that consumes valuable time I need to put into my work here. I won't talk about it because I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. If you're looking for pity from someone else that means you already pity yourself, and there is nothing that brings my spirit down than someone wallowing in their own self pity. None of that is going to get me through this program. What will get me through is my own faith, consistency, and hard work. I believe I'm here for a reason so therefore I'm determined to make it through."

Submitted Anonymously "I had a very difficult time in middle school and high school. I had great friends, but I wanted someone to love and to be loved romantically. I am a Christian so I knew God loved me, but that just didn't seem to cut it for me. I had one long term relationship that started during the spring semester of my freshman year and lasted almost 2 years. That relationship was fairly healthy until the last few months when he decided to start ignoring me and refusing to see or talk to me for no reason. Throughout the rest of high school I chased after boys. Anyone who seemed interested would get my attention in return. I continued to have a very shallow faith in God, going to church on Sundays and youth group on Wednesdays. I thought I was better than other people because I did these things. So I told myself I would only date boys that were Christian. Turns out some boys will say just about anything to get what they want. I dated many “Christian” boys most of whom pressured me to go farther sexually than I was comfortable. Eventually I would agree because they were just so adamant and I didn't want to end up alone and rejected. After being lied to, manipulated, and cheated on multiple times by multiple boys for the remainder of high school and even into my first semester at STLCOP, I finally decided something needed to change. I had grown to resent myself. I felt so guilty and ashamed. I thought I was only good for pleasing guys physically. But during my first semester at STLCOP, I got plugged in to CRU and was mentored by some upperclassmen who really helped me to realize that God loves me far more than I could ever imagine. All the guilt and shame I felt, God wanted to take it all away and replace it with His grace, love, and forgiveness. During the beginning of my second semester at STLCOP, I broke up with my last terrible boyfriend. It was very hard for me, even though I knew it was the best thing for me to do, because I still had a great fear of being alone. I had to rely on God and my friends and family a lot during that time of my life. Now I am in a wonderful and great long term relationship (I think he may be “the one”!). He knows about my past and accepts every flaw in me. He is a great Christian man (yes, man, no more boys for me!) who has such a deep respect for me and my boundaries, he has even set his own boundaries. I just really want every girl out there to know they are worth it and you deserve someone who will respect you and your boundaries. Don’t settle for anything less and don’t let someone talk you into something you don’t want to do, they’ll say it’s because they love you, but if they really love you they wouldn't pressure you."

Submitted by Miriam B. "I say I'm from Egypt, even though I lived in 3 totally different countries. But, I lived most of my life in Egypt, and it had the most impacted on my roots, values, and personality. I love Egypt more than you can imagine, the people, the food, the culture, everything is so great about it. I know that Egypt isn’t the best country to live in right now because of the current circumstances, but it’s hard to hate and stay away from the country you came from because of disturbing people. Egypt will always be my first and real home. There my heart was shaped into the way I love interacting with people and always being there for them. Because, Egyptian people are very emotional, sensitive, and kind, I grow up sensing people without them saying words. I’m grateful to have that gift, because I’d happily try to make people feel better in rough situations, switch their attention to the caring people around them, and give a simple advice if wanted from the variety of experiences with people that I have. Egypt taught me how to hold onto my values no matter what happens, and trust people until the untrustworthy appears. I lived in South Africa for 4 years. There my family and our church did a lot of missionary service, and helped people who had no one to seek. Our church group would visit rural areas and give people their basic supplies that they couldn’t afford. It was a very different style of living that I gained a lot of characteristics from it. I learned how to put my Egyptian experience of care and sensitivity in application with the people who for sure needed it. Those people looked for others that think about them and appreciate the small gifts they give. The four years were an erasable memory that can came out in the alternating life events. Finally, I moved to the US two years ago. It was the most difficult transition of all of them, because EVERYTHING is different. Whether I lived in Egypt or S.A, the people came from the same background. But here in America everyone around me has a unique story to tell about their place. I wasn’t facing a lot of difference at the same time, everyone here has his/her own belief, values, and traditions only a language in common (even that not all the time). To be honest, it has benefiting me the most. Because, I have grown a lot from the different challenges that I faced, and I am coming to understand more about myself as I take risks never taken before. All of these various experiences in the three countries have lead me to only understand and appreciate that all of us around the world are more similar than different. We have similar values, thinking processes, and needs. But I discovered that the true need for all of us is love. So give it when you can, it won’t hurt you if you do it wisely."

Submitted by "Miss Happy Not So Happy" "A lot of people ask me why I am so happy. I am so happy because I am blessed with God as the focus of my life. I am happy because of the way he has shaped me and provided for me. I am happy because of the way I have struggled. There was a time that I wasn't very happy deep down. In fact, I wanted to commit suicide. I was being verbally abused by a basketball trainer that was training me outside of school. I was a sophomore, and I was really disappointed in myself for not being fully varsity material. Though I was accepted onto the team, the coach told me he really didn't want me to be on his team yet and I would never get to play. So I chose to stay on JV so I could get playing time. I felt so lame for still being on JV since my plan since I was 9 was to play varsity as a freshman and get a scholarship to play in college. How in the world was that going to happen if I couldn't even get time on the court with varsity?! I was so disappointed in myself for ruining my plans. Even more so, I was hurt for being unwanted by the varsity coach. I’m not just one that will sit around and sulk. If I want something, I go after it. So to improve, I trained with my dad all of the time. I would average 3-4 hrs of sleep each night because I would get home from school & practice around 6, study and eat until about 9 or 10, go to the gym till midnight with my dad, come home and finish studying until about 2-3 AM. Since I was at the gym when all of the other male basketball players were there (mostly college), they all were taken back by a scrawny girl shooting hoops. One night, one of those guys came up to my dad and me and told me how much potential I had. He said he had been watching my dad work me, but I needed more if I really wanted to improve – I needed to be trained like a guy. He told me he would train me for free because he was inspired by my work ethic. Of course, my dad and I jumped right on board because I was tired of my dad coaching me and I really wanted to prove to everyone that I was good enough. But really, I needed to prove to myself I was good enough. I was so happy for someone other than my dad to believe in my potential. I trained with him that night, and I loved it. I had never worked out so hard in my life. But after night after night being trained like a college guy when I was a 16-year old skinny-bone-jones, oh that definitely took a toll on my body. This trainer did what trainers do… he yelled a whole lot and told me to give more. I would cry while working out because I was so emotionally drained. He didn’t care. My dad didn’t seem to care either. They thought I was being weak. I would come home and cry a lot more. I began to hate myself for hating my trainer. How could I hate someone that was making me such a great basketball player, and was also doing it for free?! People would kill to be in my position. And yet, I wanted to kill myself to get out of the position. I told my family how much I hated training with the trainer. I always felt discouraged and belittled. The little confidence I had to begin with was completely stripped away from me. Though my family listened, they really didn’t do much about it because I was being “immature”. After driving home one night from a game that I played terribly in and was being yelled at by my dad for, I decided to jump out of the car while it was still moving to escape. My mindset was that I didn’t care if I was going to be run over or kidnapped or killed, I just needed to escape from the torture. There was that voice of reason still with me though and so I waited till the car was slowing down at a red light to hop out of the car and run to the nearest gas station. I got scared by some people because it was 11 pm in a not-so-safe area, so I called my mom. She refused to pick me up because she said I needed to work out my problems with my dad and ride home with him. I rode home with my dad in a very silent car… but the voices in my head were screaming at me. I was thinking of numerous ways to kill myself when I got home. But then other parts of me were saying how stupid I was being for even thinking and feeling like this. I was just so conflicted and confused and frustrated. I felt useless and hopeless, and what was even worse, felt like no one cared. I told myself, if someone just cared, I wouldn’t do it. Immediately when I got home, I ran away to the park near my house. I had decided on how I was going to kill myself. But before I would do so, I would do two things… 1. Pray 2. See if my family even noticed and cared that I was missing. I prayed… probably one of the longest conversations I had in my life. I told Him, “If you show me a reason why I should stay on this earth, I will.” I guess when it came down to it, I had no confidence in myself. It wasn’t fully because I was verbally abused. It was because of what the abuse brought up in me. I didn’t know I had felt useless and without a purpose. I admitted to myself that as much as I hated my trainer, it wasn’t his fault for me feeling this way. Of course, it contributed to it. However, it was myself that let others get to me and belittle me… make me feel weak and useless, when really I’m great. I don’t mean that in arrogance. I just mean that we all have a purpose on this earth and none of us deserve to feel as little as I did. I realized this when I went back to my house. I snuck into the backyard, and spied on my family. No one seemed to care that I was gone. I sat crying in my backyard for feeling so unloved. My little sister noticed and came out immediately. She told me how much I scared her. I told her I was sorry and that I was probably going to be gone for a very long time. She told me she didn’t want me to leave and that she loved me. It was my little 7 year old sister that showed me my purpose that night. God had answered my prayers and gave me a reason to not follow through with my plans. After that, I re-devoted my whole life to God. I had distanced myself away from him throughout my entire pain because I was ashamed of myself and ashamed of how God would view me. But after that experience, I realized that God doesn’t expect us to be perfect; he knows we aren’t because He created us. He wants us to come as our broken selves so that we may be put back together again with his love. He is a merciful and loving father, not one that hates imperfection. Now I’ll admit in retrospect, this experience was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. I’m not saying I liked feeling like this. I absolutely hated it. But it was through my struggle that I learned who I am and figured out my purpose on life as to serve others for the glory of God, for he is the definition of serving by loving unconditionally. It was through this experience that I learned I am a fighter, and no one can strip that away from me but myself. So you may ask me now why I am so happy. I’ll tell you why. It’s because I have never lived a day without my father in heaven since. It’s because I know I always have someone with me that believes in me and loves me. It’s because I know what it feels like to be in the darkest of places that I am now able to be happy under all circumstances. And so now you humans of STLCOP… when you’re feeling down, remember that you’re a fighter too, and there’s always a brighter day if you let the sunshine in."

Submitted by "Steven Pham the Cameraman" "I love photography because it allows me to capture anything in the world. I can capture memories; not just my own, but also the moments of other people's lives. I take photos for the yearbook, Pharmakon newspaper, Marketing and Communications Department, and anyone who asks. If there's an event on campus, I'll probably be there. If you need someone to take photos of something, just ask."

Submitted by "Afraid"

Submit your story at https://secure.stlcop.edu/whatsyourstory/

Submitted by A.E.L.