Am I gonna have to juxtapose old crotchety 35 year old me to early 20s dipshit me?

Singing the song of angry men

Look at them, all those freakin' people

I am typing this in a car in the parking lot of the same ER I’ve taken my wife to four times in the last week and a half.

I called my sister, who’s husband is a nurse at a large hospital in Ohio. She’s making contingency plans for if/when her husband has to treat a COVID-19 patient; she and her daughter, my 8-year-old niece, will go over to stay with my parents for two weeks.

At the same time, my mom is 62, diabetic, immune-compromised, and a fucking cancer survivor (for the record, she beat cancer’s ass because of course she did).

If I find out anyone exposed any one of the people above to coronavirus, I will take these temporarily-unemployed hands to Ohio and socially distance their head from the rest of their body.

Don’t be one of these dipshits. If you aren’t one of the folks required to work...

STAY

THE FUCK

For most of you, this is just a nice video. You should watch it, like, right now.

Fuck that.

Give me Muppet Princess Bride.

Keep Humperdinck. Fuckin’ Gonzo as Inigo Montoya! Rizzo as Vincinzi! Sweetums as Fezzik!

There are so many perfect fits, don’t even tell me that you wouldn’t watch the shit out of that.

• Steve Rogers introducing himself to Groot; with a silly line but without any sense of bewilderment even though Thor just kinda showed up with a literally living tree and a talking raccoon with a gun fetish (and also a propensity for artificial body parts).

• Bucky swinging Rocket around, again not really questioning the fact that it's a talking raccoon from outer space who wants to buy both his gun and his bionic arm

I don’t typically get attached to the musicians whose work I admire, but Scott Hutchison has always been an exception. And ever since he’s come up missing, I’ve had so many thoughts and feelings and memories of his music, but I dunno now. There’s just a deep sadness. His songs are sincere and vulnerable and, at times, raw. And now he’s gone. Its kinda lame and cliched, but as a fan, you really do kinda feel like you know him through his songs. I thought I’d have some decent, poignant stuff to say, but fuck it. There’s a small but substantial hole in my heart right now.

Thank you for everything, Scott; I can only wish that things had turned out better.

Scott Hutchison/Frightened Rabbit, “Scottish Wind”