Spread positivity. Spread love.

2 September 2020

Assalamualaikum,

To my dearest love,

Sebelum ni sayang tulis kat notes, untangling my thoughts since you passed away. Sebab terlalu banyak persoalan dan memori bermain di fikiran. Then I plan to stop writing because I know eventually I need to live 'without' you. But, I still want to embrace this moment and feeling, so sayang rasa tulis kat e-mel lagi besar ruang. I’m writing to you, feels like 'talking' to you. Actually it's more like writing to me. 

Harini hari ke-42 you pergi. Sayang masih sama, ada hari ok, ada hari tak ok. But getting better insyaAllah. 2 hari lepas, anak kita, 3 tahun alhamdulillah. Dia makin bijak dan cheeky. Ada je trick nak kenakan sayang Sekarang dia asyik tidur lambat. Puas tidur siang kot atau memang saja nak main dengan sayang sebab siang sayang work. She miss you so much. Kadang2 malam dia tidur tak lena. Kalau menangis merajuk, mesti cari you. Kalau dulu sayang mesti nangis sekali. But now sayang dah makin kuat. Sayang cuba tenangkan dia tanpa nangis. Sayang mesti tunjuk kuat depan dia kan? Alhamdulillah bila sayang explain dia faham. So peranan sayang memang penting untuk kuatkan emosi dia. Semalam sebelum tidur, dia cakap dia mimpi ayah. so sayang saja tanya dia buat apa dengan ayah. dia jawab dia main dengan ayah. pastu sayang tanya ayah cakap apa kat ibu. Ibu cakap ibu rinnndu ayah. Pastu dia cakap, 'eh takpe ibu. ayah kan sekarang kat syurga'. Bijak sangattt. insyaAllah. 

Ok so sebenarnya nak cerita 31 Ogos buat tahlil untuk you dan atuk2 nenek2. Harap Allah terima amal dan doa kami dan harap sampai pada you. Hanya itu yang kami mampu beri sekarang ini. Lepas tu makan2 dan celebrate birthday anak kita. Seronok la dia ada kek and semua orang nyanyi untuk dia. Mama Ayah and semua adik-beradik you ada sekali alhamdulillah. Mesti lagi best kalau you ada sekali, Tapi rupanya Allah dah preparekan kitorang, since last year you takde sekali to celebrate. Last year you warded. Apa2 sayang still syukur, keluarga kita semua sihat dan kuat silaturrahim alhamdulillah insyaAllah.

Next story, semalam kawan you dari Jakarta message sayang. Tanya khabar you sebab dia dah lama tak nampak update you kat IG. Rupanya dia taktau lagi pasal you. Terus sayang rasa bersalah, patut sayang update IG you terus sekali haritu. Tapi takpelah. So semalam sayang update IG you. Perasaan tu, menyesakkan dada. Taktau kenapa. Maybe because I don’t want to update, but I need to update it. As a final post in your IG. So yeah. Sesak tapi melegakan insyaAllah. 

Its already September 2020. Sayang kena move on. AA Plus kata subtle change. I need to change. Ini adalah jalan yang Allah dah tetapkan untuk sayang. Nak taknak, sayang kena terima. I already have a few plans to do. But I don’t want to move on from you too early. At least sampai tempoh iddah. Until then, I will keep cherish our memories, looking at our videos, pictures and conversation. Bila tengok balik semua tu, ada je benda yang sayang belajar, benda baru perasan. Tadi pun scroll balik FB you. Ramai orang cakap baik2 tentang you, sayang rasa sangaaaat bertuah jadi isteri you. Like apa yang diorang cakap tu betul, and I got to know and be with you 24/7 is a blessing. You’re indeed a good man. Sayang syukur jadi isteri you. No words to describe. Alhamdulillah.  

Sayang ada banyak lagi nak cakap. Rasa nak cerita kat orang. Tapi kalau cerita kat orang lain, rasa tak puas sebab they don’t really understand. Nak legakan sikit tu adalah. But I like to write like this. Feel much better. Lain hari nanti boleh baca balik hehe. And I know I have Allah to tell in my prayers. Doakan sayang istiqomah menjadi muslimah yang lebih baik, diredhai Allah dan husnul khotimah insyaAllah. 

Allah SWT beautifully reminded us of this scene in the Quran when He said, "And remember when your Lord brought forth from the loins of the children of Adam their descendants and had them testify regarding themselves. Allah asked, "Am I not your Lord?" They replied, "Yes! You are! We testify." Now, this brings me to my second point: that soulmates truly exist! Have you ever met someone for the first time, but connected immediately and felt like you've met them somewhere before? Rasulullah SAW has alluded that this could mean your souls must have met and had been close in the Realm of Souls. If your souls were connected then, and your souls beautifully reunite again here in this Dunia, have full faith that this special and sacred bond would not cease to exist even with death. Because only in Islam are our connections truly forever and eternal, as the journey of our souls do not stop here in this Dunia. Our souls are all on a journey Home, back to Allah SWT, back to Jannatul Firdaus, (In Sha Allah, Amin) so if you've ever lost a loved one, take comfort and look forward to the epic reunion you will have with your loved ones in Paradise! But here's what I really want to share with all of you today in this letter - I want to urge all of us to help our souls out even more. We have to remember that our souls have travelled really far, and will continue travelling till they reach Home to Allah SWT, so we should strive to make their journey "easier" and "lighter" for them. How? 1) By not burdening them with heavy and unnecessary "baggage" like committing sins and having an unhealthy attachment to this Dunia. Our souls have to travel light and fuss-free, so be kind, avoid drama, forgive people, have care and concern, and just be decent human beings! 2) By not ignoring the directions that they are trying to give us so that they can stay on His path. Imagine having a GPS in your car, and no matter how clearly and firmly it is telling you to turn right, you turn left instead. This is essentially what happens when our souls are trying to tell us to do good and to stay close to Allah SWT because that is the right way, but we choose to ignore it and go completely in the other direction instead! No wonder we all feel "lost" when we are far from Allah SWT, because our souls have swerved from the right path. :/ 3) By feeding our souls with good stuff. Our souls need "fuel" to travel, and the only nourishment we should be feeding them is the highest quality of "soul food", i.e. prayers, zikir, acts of service, charity, seeking knowledge, and the list goes on! We should not be feeding them junk like entertainment, gossip, or things that brings no benefit to them. How can our souls travel far if it is running on empty or if it is only stuffed with trash?   4) By finding good soulmates who are also on the same path back to Him. The journey is long, but it should definitely not be lonely. Find friends or a wonderful community to keep your soul company because they will be your cheerleaders, guides, and lifejackets whenever the road gets tough. (*Enthusiastically waves at all my Champs on AA Plus!*) 5) And last but not least, by going back to Allah SWT consistently and constantly. I mentioned at the start of this letter that I don't know much about the Ruh and Allah SWT wisely pointed this out in the Quran when He said, "They ask you O Prophet about the Ruh. Say, "It's nature is known only to my Lord, and you O humanity have been given but little knowledge." What does this mean? If I want to help my soul out, I have to go back to the Creator of my Soul because He is the only One who has all knowledge of it, and He is the only One who can strengthen, purify, elevate, ease, sustain, protect and most of all, love, my soul. No one else can, but Allah SWT. Imagine having an iPhone and going to Samsung, Google or Nokia to get it fixed. Would they know what to do? Would they have the best materials and the best technicians to repair and recharge the iPhone? So why do we, as souls, foolishly go somewhere else other than Allah SWT, to be fixed?

Reading is healing

Writing is healing

Tentang Kamu oleh Tere Liye.