Diaries of Huda & Zaineb

so i hope no one behind me is reading this entry right now,. im sitting at the starbucks at my school typing my essay and its somwhat crowded.

so i guess i just experienced a med school interview near me, or at least a guy trying to get a job at the med school. something along those lines.

but man, it sparked some thoughts in me and realizations

1. beauty won’t get you far.

you can have a pretty face here but it really doesnt benefit you much. you have to let your grades and accomplishments speak and create an image for itself. thats the beauty theyre looking for. so my cat wing and flawless skin (sike lol) will only benefit me in a selfish manner..

currently in class with about 17 minutes left.. it’s just been dragging on, i’ve been ready for it to end since the second i got inside the class. so. i think we should use this to discuss deep, dark secrets and talk about things we wouldn’t talk about with anyone else. judge free zone, and a keep-ur-mouth-shut-u-tell-no-one-zone, CAPICHE?? capiche.

i’ll be the first to start.

so, it’s about to be a year soon where I’ve been talking to a potential habibi. see, the thing is this guy actually wants to marry me. he lives in Lebanon and ashamingly enough I met him online. I really didn’t think it would lead to this. i feel like i know his soul and we know how to make each other laugh. my mom knows about him and his whole family loves me. lately, (we just tried to leave class and our pro hoed out the 15 people who were packing up... “we’re going to use all of class time” like StFU ... ) anyways, we started talking on the phone and i guess getting to know each other more..

BUT.. there’s always a but with me, i guess it has to do with the size of my actual BUTT that it is inclined within me that i have to have lots of BUTS in my life... SIGH ..

I feel conflicted. How do I know if I really want to spend my life with him? To possibly have kids with and raise a family? Am I settling?? 

Keep in mind, I have’t met him face to face before. two months from now he will come to study in Canada and that’s we planned to finally see each other (My mom knows lol , i feel guilty not including this part cuz it makes me feel like an undercover hoe) 

IDK HUDA IDK HUDA IDK IDK IDK IDK.

Do i like him because I like the attention he gives me? Or do I actually like him? for a while, i thought maybe he was using me to get into the US.. but I talked to him about it and he explained that he had so many opportunities to marry some random chick here but he said NO. he said when he thinks of me he thinks “future wife inshallah”.. BRO.. when he says things like this to me (like i miss u, etc etc etc mushy gushy shit) i get like butterflies but i also feel hurt that i’m not able to see him and experience life together.

When did we grow up and start dealing with grown up issues??? 

Me? Zaineb? Thinking about marriage?? TF?? when did this start happening?? Is this real life? HUDA HELP

SOSOOSOSOOSSOS..

Queen Z aka Zaineb aka Zanooba aka Future Doctor/PA/Undecided/UnsuccessfulPieceofShit/FutureWife??? omg that sounds weird to say...

Love u bae and cant wait to hear about ur teenage drama soon

lol jk that sounds like im underestimating any trouble u might run into but every problem u have is my problem too, ok? ok.

Dear Queen Z, 

Dear Huda Shoulda Coulda Woulda,

First things first,

I miss you and I can’t wait to see you and everyone else hopefully this summer. At first, i was thinking this was going to be a long post but now I realize i am lazy AF. while taking a shower i was getting into deep thought about distance and decided to talk about it in this entrypost. 

we live 6 hours away. we are not able to see each other on normal weekdays or on weekends. i can’t randomly come to your house to chill and you can’t either. distance... if it wasn’t for the advancements in technology, one wouldn’t be able to be in contact with anyone else. if it wasn’t for technology, you & I wouldn’t able to do this. 

nvm i don’t feel deep anymore lol... my stomach hurts too much from the taco bell i ate. (veggie cantina bowl??? tf was i thinking) 

anyways, tell me about life, school, drama, your dilemmas.. 

LOVE YOU,