Loverholic, Robotic

Since I am officially ‘alone’, the second phase of adulting has become my constant reality. But today, I came up with this conclusion that I am adulting but not in full. 

More rules, more people to watch over me, lesser room for error.This is a lot harder than being checked by my own parents.Why? 

- I cannot have any foul mood -- Because it will be immature

- I am merely here because they let me, hence I am still “trespassing”

- I do not want anyone to have a chance to judge my parents due to my actions and/or attitude.

Everything happened so fast that I do not have a sense of timeline for my feelings.

I grew accustomed to the typical answers.

“I’m okay”

“saks/sakto lang”

“de okay lang naman yon”

But if I attempt to ponder about my feelings, it’s really cloudy. Technically speaking, I do not know what I am actually feeling. Most of the time, I wonder what is the “base” feeling.

Could it be because I forced to be in this “I-am-strong-facade” that I refuse to acknowledge anything that can weaken my front.Or because I had to force myself to grasp this kind of coping mechanism?

To be honest, I don’t know anymore.