I Don't Know What I'm Doing

tikkun olam : "heal the world"

hanukkah gift for some very dear comrades

💐💕🕎🧵🌍

Good point. We should jerk off and *throws dart* eat some pork bao. Or if you're vegetarian we could *spins comically sized wheel* eat some samosas. What's truly important is we have to jerk off. Together.

[Q: Why did you decide to do this experiment?

A: Snake behavior has been generally neglected as a field of research, especially in Brazil. And most studies don’t examine what factors make them want to bite. If you study malaria, you can research the parasite that causes the disease—but if you don’t study the mosquito that carries it, you will never solve the problem. Up until now, the popular wisdom was that the jararaca would only attack if you touched it or stepped on it. But that was not what we found.

Q: Why did you need to be the victim?

A: The best way to do this research is to put snakes and a human together. In this case, the human was me. We put the snakes inside a ring on the floor of our lab until they got used to it, then I stepped in wearing special protective boots. I stepped close to the snake and also lightly on top of it. I didn’t put my whole weight on my foot, so I did not hurt the snakes. I tested 116 animals and stepped 30 times on every animal, totaling 40,480 steps.]

Ngl this has me kind of mad. Someone made AI slop of my art to advertise some slop app. I’m so mad because I declined hundreds of sponsorship offers for apps that felt exploitative of vulnerable groups and „ADHD-curing“ vitamins, and I’m here feeling bad advertising my book and they just go and do this. One of these vitamin grifters have used my art before without approval.

- I’ve only ever accepted one sponsorship for a drawing tablet

- I don’t use AI

- I don’t partner with vitamins, herbs, coachings, apps, anything that would make use of my target audience and that I don’t strongly believe in myself

So please know that if I do sponsorships I’ll post about it on my own channels to let you know. Please be safe out there, report these ads and never hesitate to ask me if you’re unsure.

And it should go without saying but I would never insult myself as an artist to this degree by using AI to make images for me. I do not use AI and despise having my art fed into it.

Tumblr post: xyz is proof you're irredeemable

Me to my therapist in college way back when: It's awful to admit this but I... I experience xyz. It feels horrific and shameful and I don't know what to do

Said therapist: xyz is extremely common, and it means nothing about you as a person. But since it's making you miserable, here's how you can work on experiencing it less

.

Every. Single. Article. just talked about how narcissists are evil and their traits are a red flag and all of society should avoid them. We don't KNOW what causes narcissistic personality disorder, so prevention is nearly impossible and treatment is nebulous (no offense to the common treatment of talk therapy, but it has varying results for people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder).

And yet narcissistic personality disorder is on the list of disorders, illnesses, and conditions that I often see blamed entirely on those living with them. There's a stigma to being diagnosed, which is one of the many reasons narcissistic personality disorder sufferers don't seek treatment. Instead, they just have a high likelihood of alocholism and suicide because the way they relate to other people is "wrong" and they usually end up very isolated and lonely.

A lot of people assume that, because my blog is themed around hope, that my posts don't apply to things that are typically considered (or that actually are) severe or upsetting or etc.

But that's very much not the case.

So, I'd like to clarify that this post specifically applies to and includes all of the following!

Sources include: I edit psychology and mental health books for a living; I have both a therapist and a social worker in my immediate family; I've worked with multiple comprehensive sex ed programs and organizations. I like verywellmind, Healthline, and Google Scholar as starting points if you would like to do your own further research and/or verification.

The following are all things that have no moral weight or moral valence:

Having low empathy

Having no empathy

Having strong emotional reactions to things

Emotionally "underreacting" to things according to most people

Expressing emotions differently than other people

Having a mental illness

Having a stigmatized mental illness, including personality disorders

Having intrusive thoughts, regardless of type (relatedly: thought crimes are still not real! what matters is your actions.)

Experiencing psychosis or having a psychotic disorder (note: contrary to popular belief, "psychosis" simply means experiencing hallucinations or delusions, or otherwise having trouble telling what's real and what's not)

Having a chronic illness or disability, including stigmatized ones, such as an intellectual disability, facial differences and limb differences, conditions with a lot of support needs, conditions that require a caretaker and/or full-time care, and conditions that affect sleep, hygiene, or bodily fluids/waste

Having an addiction or substance use disorder

For that matter, using substances without an addiction or substance use disorder

Drinking alcohol, caffeine (yes some people absolutely believe this has a moral valence), etc.

Horoscope or birth sign (yes this has been completely proven; astrology can be fun but it is not real)

Physical appearance

Weight

Eating lots of sugar / fats / whatever

Not eating lots of sugar / fats / whatever

Eating lots of healthy food

Eating lots of "unhealthy" food

Having sex

Having lots of sex

Having no sex

Having sexual trauma

Wanting sex

Not wanting sex

Being LGBTQ, queer, trans, nonbinary, intersex, asexual, aromantic, genderqueer, genderfluid, multigender, etc.

Being straight; being cis; being perisex (that is, not intersex); being allo

Being a man; being a woman; being nonbinary; having no gender; etc.

Genders, sexualities, pronouns, etc. that other people think are unusual or "cringe"

Being into kink

Not being into kink

Having kinky sex

Not having kinky sex

Experiencing sexual attraction (or not)

Experiencing romantic love (or not)

Wanting either of those things

Liking and reading/watching horror or dark content

Liking and reading/watching porn or mature/sexual content

Enjoying reading, not enjoying reading, and being bad at reading

Enjoying shit that's cringe

Being cringe

Much more

Don't let tumblr, social media in general, stigma, fears based on myths and stereotypes, or Moral OCD or Harm OCD (whether your own or someone else's; also, etc. on the types and other mental health issues) scare you out of living life, or into treating other people as dangerous. Or into being a massive jerk.

soliloquy by an immortal cave painter.

Okay, it has nothing in common with Dracula, alright? It’s a story about mystery and trouble on an interstellar spaceship and it has ZERO vampires. There is a ship with a mysteriously dead crew but Dracula didn’t kill them. Instead of undead curses, there’s physics and engineering puzzles. Instead of a dead close friend/fiance that everyone talks about, there’s a dead sister that the main character refuses to talk about. Instead of a vampire killing polycule, there’s a bunch of people cutting through airlocks and disposing of dead bodies. Instead of one Texan, there are FOUR THOUSAND TEXANS.

It’s totally chill if a protagonist has never been in love before, for whatever reason. Maybe they have intimacy issues, or they were literally raised by wolves in the Canadian wilderness, or they’re too busy, or they were a child oblate, or they just never clicked with anyone that way, or they were married to a grotesquely evil Renaissance nobleman. If we’re supposed to be like “awww that’s nice, they are experiencing romantic love for the first time” or “I am so happy that something nice is happening to this girl after her experiences with the horrible duke,” that’s cool.

It’s also fine, in my book, if a protagonist has never had really good sex before. Not everyone has an easy time getting into it and, to be frank, not everyone has the good luck to encounter a considerate or generous lover immediately after becoming sexually active.

Here are some examples where I do think there are problems:

The historical romance author wants to establish that the hero is not a virgin, but she doesn’t want to make him a player and she doesn’t want to give him a bad ex as a source of angst and she doesn’t want him to have been in love before. So she gives him a long-term paid mistress. But, instead of going with “Adrian enjoyed Lily’s company and thought she was pretty/clever/pleasant, but obviously it was a business relationship on both sides,” you get something like “Adrian had never felt anything for Lily. She was merely a vessel for his manly needs.” And it’s like you knew this woman for years! Yet I have warmer feelings towards the friendly lady who works at the pharmacy! What’s wrong with you?

The Regency heroine was happily married to one dude, who died tragically young. She falls in love with her late husband’s best friend, also her friend, who has been in love with her since before the husband died but he never acted on it because it would have been wrong and hurtful to his friend. They both feel a little weird/guilty about getting together, but it’s clear that they aren’t actually disrespecting the late husband’s memory and he’d probably be happy for them if he knew. This is all good and fine, until the hero and heroine are making love and the heroine muses to herself that the hero is better in bed than her late husband. This honestly wouldn’t feel so sour if it had been established at the beginning that they never clicked sexually despite loving each other, but in that moment it feels like a cheap shot at a nice dead guy. And for what? So the audience has no doubt that the hero is the best sex man in the world?

When I hear "tumblr sexyman," I think of Cecil Night Vale being constantly depicted as a skinny white man instead of literally anything else. I think of the background character white men who get elevated over protagonists that are women, people of color, or otherwise not the white man power fantasy.

Cecil Night Vale, as previously mentioned.

Oncelercest, because if there aren't two skinny white men to ship, tumblr fandom will start shipping the skinny white man with himself.

Bill Cipher inexplicably being fanon'd as a white twink despite being a fucking triangle.

Everyone fawning over Marvel Loki while shoving every woman and Black person in the MCU aside.

The way nearly every single character in Hazbin Hotel has the same "tall and skinny" body type, along with all the criticisms Black audience members have made about the issues with Alastor's design.

Harry: Kim, what's following that kid?

Kim: ...

Harry: What?

Kim: What are you talking about?

Inland Empire [80%]

Looks like you're the only one who can see it.

Harry: The... bone monster?

Kim: The bone monster.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Good morning officers."

YOU - Continue looking at the bone monster.

THE BONE MONSTER - It tilts its head to the side quizzically at you.

YOU - Tilt your head in response.

THE BONE MONSTER - It begins leering over you, grinning even harder.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - The kid turns towards you.

PERCEPTION [LEGENDARY: SUCCESS] - For a moment he looked at the bone monster, and then to you.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - "Is there a problem, officers?"

KIM - "You will have to forgive my partner, he has quite an active imagination."

THE BONE MONSTER - "You hear that? I'm just a part of your imagination."

"Pardon me officer, I don't think I caught your name?"

"Uh, well that's the thing, I, uh, don't actually remember it at the moment."

Damn him! He knows I need a name to kill, and now he's taunting me! He can see Ryuk, too, so one wrong move could end me! I might have to make the eye deal at this point...

---------------------------------

LOGIC [Medium, failure]: This bone monster is obviously Kira. You are fucked.

Try to make Kim see the bone monster. [Suggestion, Legendary]

Attempt to arrest the bone monster.

Put yourself between the bone monster and Light.

Ask Light for some money.

PERCEPTION [EASY: FAILURE] - You can't tell what gender it is.

YOU - "Excuse me, sir-- or, uh, madam?-- Bone... person..."

THE BONE MONSTER - It laughs, a deep, gutteral sound, like air escaping from the lungs of a corpse. As its jaw moves, you can see rows upon rows of sharp teeth inside its gaping maw.

COMPOSURE [CHALLENGING: SUCCESS] - You stand your ground and manage not to freak out.

YOU - "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the police station. You... uh, match the description of a suspect... I think."

THE BONE MONSTER - It lets out a loud, phlegmatic belly laugh. "What are you going to do, arrest me?"

AUTHORITY - Damn right you are. Cuff him.

YOU - "Yes, as a matter of fact, I will. You are under arrest on suspicion of being Kira. Put your hands forward, wrists together."

KIM - "How exactly are you going to handcuff a hallucination, Detective?"

THE BONE MONSTER - It laughs again, like this is the funniest thing in the world, before obediently sticking out its arms.

THE BONE MONSTER'S KID - His eyes go wide and his face goes pale as you place the cuffs on the monster's wrists, before his gaze darts to Kim.

KIM - He is staring at the cuffs. He looks bewildered. "Are those handcuffs... floating?"

-----------------------------------

Shit! Ryuk, why did you have to comply?! Is this a game to you? No matter... They still don't realize that I'm Kira, not Ryuk. All I have to do is stay calm and act surprised. I'm sure Ryuk can just escape later, once he gets bored. And this other cop obviously can't see him, so it seems it's only the first one who has touched a Death Note... I just need to make it seem that he's the only one who can see Shinigami. Then I'll seem innocent, and he'll be the suspicious one!

"How did you do that? Is it some kind of magic trick?"

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SHIVERS [Heroic, Success]: As intimidating as it looks, the bone monster isn't the real threat.

Deduce who the real Kira is [Logic, Godly]

Ask Light what he knows about the bone monster.

Tell Kim I-told-you-so.

Convince Light you are a sorcerer [Drama, Impossible]

M.C. Escher | METAMORPHOSIS II (1940)