I Don't Know What I'm Doing

I could have never imagined in my life that I would illustrate official Mighty Nein Art for Critical Role, what a huge honor...

This is the most beautiful scientific diagram I've ever seen.

i live here

im a person

its okay to make noise

youre allowed to go outside

One of Watterson’s strengths was really selling what it was like to be a kid, and that includes all the shitty parts. The way nobody listens, how Calvin has to do so many things he hates just because someone told him to, how often things are just never explained to him, how unfair life is and how there’s nothing he can do about it.

And obviously Calvin is neurodivergent in probably a ton of ways. I think its extremely easy to see the ADHD and the autism, and I know a number of people see him being plural as well, and I think the text can support all of that. Most of that wasn’t intentional, as far as I know—Watterson didnt set out to write a kid with ADHD, he just wrote what he knew and had seen around him.

And he’s left handed, and yet I can’t for the life of me remember a time when that is brought up or addressed, and that does feel intentional to me. As an example of the ways the world just cannot and will not accommodate your differences, being left handed is one of the original and most straightforward poster children.

So I love especially that it was just… snuck in there, without being called out in any specific way. He could have! It would not have been hard to have an arc about Calvin learning that the reason so many things are hard for him is at least in part because none of the tools were made for him.

Maybe theres one npc that offhandedly mentions the boner-meter (could be mentioning their own or referencing the player's) in some vague and casual way, just to hint to the player that yeah the boner-meter IS meant to be there in this world. Or it comes up briefly in the tutorial. The NPC will not helpfully answer any further questions about the meter, so youre just left to spiral.

Why is the boner-meter there? Why is it important? When will it come up? Can I make it go up? How do my actions to try and affect the meter change the story/consequences of the game? Why am I so focused on the meter? What is it like to live in a world where a boner-meter seems so important but it's completely irrelevant to the protagonist?

Are you just playing the game wrong? Is there some kind of secret level or cheat code you missed at the beginning? Is your game broken? Are you broken?

If i finished the game and got a satisfying narrative happy ending, but my boner-meter never changed, did I really get the True Best Ending? Can I be satisfied with a playthrough that doesnt even affect one of the basic UI functions of the player?

What must it be like to live in a world where youre disconnected from a "basic, universal" function but since its always there to be seen, you can never just completely ignore it and immerse yourself in the game and the narrative? Maybe you can for a bit, but then the cutscene or the fight ends and your eye catches on the bar again and- has it moved? Has it filled up a little? Is your game not actually broken?! Oh, wait, no. No it was just the background making me see the meter wrong. Nothing has changed. It hasn't this whole game, why expect it to now?

It hasn't mattered this whole game so why are you so excited to think it changed? Especially when you dont even know what consequences or new mechanics would be introduced if it did. Is it really so hard to accept that it wont change? Can you be okay with that?

You have to be okay with that. You have to know it's okay.

Isn't she lovely? ✨️