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⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?
⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15
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â§â§Circa Opalâ§â§
The Darlaean uniform weighs heavily on your body. You reason itâll take time to grow accustomed to the tight and hueless fabric paired with the stiff leather boots. The silver and purple stitchings that run up your limbs are an exception, but theyâre nothing like the scarlet red and vivid gold of the Solarian uniform.Â
Jungkook promptly picks you up from your door at 6 oâclock, and the two of you begin to venture to the training grounds. The morning greets you with cool mist and the sweet smell of grass. The sun is just barely peeking over the horizon, ready to make its debut and splash the sky with color. Itâs still chilly from the nightâyour cold breaths materialize in the air.Â
The cadets are already lined up in perfect formation, ready to take orders. They all salute in the presence of you and Jungkook. You fidget with your trinket, always having felt uncomfortable with formal military norms. Jungkook, on the other hand, is pleased. He shouts instructions to them, their morning drills, and gestures to them to begin. As the sun continues its ascent, the soldiers dance across the training ground, busy with strenuous exercise, their exertion keeping them warm despite the biting air. You and Jungkook walk around and survey the soldiers, encouraging them when their fatigue hampers their pace. By the time the sun climbs to its peak in the sky, the cadets are finished with their drills. Jungkook orders them to take their lunch break. The two of you have spoken minimally this morning, and you believe it has everything to do with how your conversation ended last night. Youâre unsure now if Jungkook trusts you anymore. At what point will he fall completely out of love with you? Will he protect you then?
ââeat?â
You blink. âOh, Iâm sorry⌠I missed what you said,â you admit to Jungkook, but he probably knew that you were distracted anyway.
âI asked if you wanted a bite to eat,â he says. âBest to eat now when you have the time. Iâll go get us someââ
âSIR!âÂ
Your and Jungkookâs heads simultaneously whip around to the sight of Lieutenant Kim Seokjin running in the distance. Heâs panting, frantically waving an ivory envelope in his hand. Seokjin skids to a stop in front of you and Jungkook, presenting his urgent delivery. Itâs adorned with a delicate, scarlet seal. You immediately recognize it as the one Solarian officers use.Â
âSir,â Seokijin says, gasping for air. âI took the first carriage to the 12th city when I received this. A phoenix delivered it overnight.â
Without a change in expression, Jungkook takes the envelope, turning it over and inspecting it with scrutiny. âAh, from the Solarian General. Addressed to the Darlaean General.â
Your heart shatters into a million pieces. Yoongi? Your Yoongi? Acquiring the assistance of a phoenix? No, it must be a fire birdâa sol. Your mind begins to race.
âWhat a surprise,â Jungkook says, dryly. âItâs too early for him to bring up talks for a winter truce. Perhaps he is finally coming around. He must know that his helluvian nation can never win this war.âÂ
Jungkook breaks the wax seal and slips out a letter. You can recognize Yoongiâs handwriting through the thin material where the ink had bled through. The letter is shortâonly several sentences long. But itâs provocative enough for Jungkookâs expression to morph into anger. âHow dare he!â he yells, his fist immediately crumpling up the paper.
Your stomach sinks.
âWhat did it say, sir?â Seokjin asks, seemingly startled at one of Jungkookâs rare outbursts. Even heâs aware that it takes a lot for Jungkook to express his emotions.
âHe wants to bargain war prisoners.â
Seokjinâs brows furrow. âIsnât that⌠in our favor, sir?â
âY/Nâs on the list.â
Your jaw falls open. âMe?â you gasp in disbelief.Â
âTemporary Lieutenant General Kwang???â Seokjin mirrors your disbelief. âWhatââ
âAbsolutely not!â Jungkook scoffs. âWho the fuck does he think he is?â
All you can think about is that Yoongi thinks youâre a war prisoner. Does he think youâre stuck in Darlae against your will? Does he not suspect you to be Darlaean at all? He wrote a letter to get you back. He doesnât hate you. He doesnât think you betrayed him at all! Relief floods into your system, breathing life into every muscle in your body, until you realize Yoongi might be lying. He has to know youâre not a prisoner. There were too many obvious clues pointing to your true identity. So is he sending this letter because he doesnât care that youâre a betrayer? Is he sending you a message? Does he know you used to be the Darlaean General? No, he must have taken a leap of faithâthat whoever is the General would relay the message to you. It worked, youâll give him that.Â
âSeokjin,â Jungkook says sharply, pulling you out of your thoughts. âWrite a letter to the Solarian General for me. Tell this treehugger that we will not partake in any exchange of war prisoners. Send it off using that phoenix of his. Those fucking helluvians! Stealing our animals, too.â
You bite your tongue to keep yourself from rattling off that there is a difference between a phoenix and a fire bird. But itâs not enough to keep you from asking, âWasnât the letter addressed to you, Jungkook? Maybe you should write it. General to General.â
âNo,â he replies curtly. âItâd only be a waste of time.â
Your eyes close momentarily to help compose yourself. Itâs okay, you repeat in your mind. Yoongi wants you backâeven after indubitably knowing youâre Darlaean. Perhaps this is his method of contacting you, testing the waters to see if youâll respond. Your heart pulls its shattered pieces back together.Â
Giddiness settles in.Â
Heâs looking for you. He wants to communicate with you. Itâs like the weight of a thousand fire sols has been lifted from your shoulders. Now all you have to do is figure out how to contact him back.
The answer comes after a long day of following Jungkook around to meetings and cadet surveillance. You collapse on your bed, exhausted, not even bothering to get out of your uniform. Enyx lands on your pillow, cocking his head.
âIâm okay,â you tell him. âI have a lot to think about⌠just didnât get the time to do it all day.â
Enyx ruffles his feathers.Â
âWell, for starters, I think⌠someone I care about from um, far away, tried to contact me.â
Enyx lets out a trill.
âYes, I know! I couldnât believe it either, Enyx, and I want to tell him that Iâm alive and Iâm well and I donât want him to worry, but IâŚâ
The phoenix hops over to you, clearly invested in your troubles. âBut what?â he seems to say.
âBut I⌠itâs complicated. I donât know where he is. No, thatâs not true. I do know where he is, but I donât know how Iâd ever write him back. I have no means to⌠I justâŚâ Your heart feels heavy. âI just want to tell him Iâm okay.â
Enyx nudges you. âPerhaps I may be of assistance.â
âYou?â you say, smiling sadly. âI appreciate the offer, Enyx, but he isnât exactly from Darlae.â
Enyx cocks his head. âAn even more interesting development!â he concludes.
âSo, unless you magically know the way to the nation weâre at war with, itâs just not possible,â you sigh, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands. âThanks, though⌠For the offer.â
Thereâs a flutter of wings, then you feel Enyxâs claws grip around your wrist. He trills loudly, insistently. Your hands come off your eyes. âHow?â
Enyx chortles.Â
âOkay, fine, you donât have to tell me. But youâre serious? You can go there? I mean, isnât it dangerousâŚ? Youâre not exactly um⌠Well, to put it lightly⌠No, thereâs no way to put this lightly. Youâre a delicacy around here.â If Enyx could roll his eyes, you imagine he wouldâve right then and there. âIâm sorry! Donât risk your life over this. Remember? I saved you from the royal butcher years ago. What if Iâm unable to do it this time?â
Enyx ruffles his feathers in annoyance. âDo you desire my assistance or not?â
âI do, I do! Iâm just⌠I trust you. I trust you! Maybe Iâm also nervous, deep down inside. This man⌠Yoongi⌠I mean, Iâve mentioned him to you before. Iâm assuming he wants to communicate with me, but thereâs also a small chance that Iâm wrong, you know? That he really thinks Iâm a war prisoner, and he doesnât know that Iâve betrayed him and Solaria.â
âAh,â Enyx seems to say. âBut it doesnât hurt to try, child. I have friends in that nation. Iâll visit them on the way. And I wonât be eaten. I promise.â
You donât need any more urging. Quickly, you rip out a page in a random notebook and scrawl, Iâm fine. Please donât worry. Things are complicated and I donât know how much Iâm allowed to say. Your hand hovers over the paper, quill pen in hand. Do you write more? Can you even say more? An âI miss youâ feels incriminatingâif the message is intercepted, theyâll have evidence of your treason. You set the quill pen down. Youâll keep it short and simple.Â
Enyx nuzzles you as you tie the rolled-up message to his leg. âIâll see to it that itâs delivered,â his bright eyes tell you.
âThank you,â you say. âTruly.â
You watch the phoenix fly off into a red sunset, blending in with the blazing sky, and for the first time since youâve come back home, you feel hope.
Thereâs a knock on the door at 8 oâclock as promised. Punctual as always. Youâve washed and changed, and Jooeun and her team had already set up dinner in your chambers a few minutes prior.Â
âCome in,â you tell Jungkook.
He emerges from behind your door, dressed fashionably, with his sword attached to his belt as usual. The blue birthstone glints in the warm candlelight. âThank you for agreeing to have dinner with me tonight.â He glances at your pale green silk gown. âElegant as always.â
You nod, sitting in the seat that Jungkook pulls out for you. âThank you. I didnât want to break tradition.â
The corner of his lips pulls up in a small smile. âGood, good,â he comments, sitting in his own seat across from you. The food looks delectable, whipped ricotta with herbs and honey paired with a basket of fresh bread, a tomato and cucumber salad tossed with fragrant seasoning and the main course: peppered pumpkin risotto topped with sage and thyme. âLetâs eat.â
Over food, Jungkook makes small talk with you. He asks you how your day was, that he tried to keep your schedule light since it was your first day back on the training grounds. You reply honestly, that it was a lot. He nods. âYouâll get used to it,â he says. âEventually, Iâd like to get you back into training, instead of watching others do it.â
You hum. Reasonable enough.
Thereâs a bit of silence. The food is delicious, the risotto melting in your mouth, the savory pepperiness contrasting beautifully with the sweetness of the honey and ricotta spread. Then, Jungkook speaks up again.
âDid the Solarian General know you personally?â
Your spoon freezes halfway through its journey to your mouth. You set it down. You knew this was coming; itâs rare that nations exchange war prisonersâtheyâre usually sentenced to deathâand itâs suspicious enough that Yoongi suggests this now of all times. But you canât blame him. He did it for you. He wants you back, regardless of your allegiance.Â
âHe cherished all of his soldiers,â you say, hoping the response is neutral enough to placate Jungkookâs suspicions.Â
He raises an eyebrow. Itâs futile. You cannot possibly deceive a divinist, and especially not a divinist who knows you as well as Jungkook does. âI seeâŚâ
The rest of the dinner proceeds in silence. You have trouble looking up to Jungkookâs face. He must know youâre keeping something from him, but he doesnât pry. Instead, when he leaves, he bids you a polite goodnight. You can feel him pulling away from you, but what can you do? Your heart reaches for someone else, and you await his reply.
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⨰ a/n: shorter chapter but the next one will make up for it! (side note, i love autumn so much)
please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!
đď¸ genre: drama, angst, romance, smut, e2l, s2l, idol au
đď¸ pairing(s): rapper!kim namjoon x model! (f) poc reader (nickname Winter); rapper!im changkyun x model! (f) poc reader
đď¸ rating: 18+
đď¸ warning(s): alcohol consumption (consenting adults), partying, W Korea Joon (but with the look from MOTS era!!), swearing, making out, breast play, undressing, light biting
đď¸ word count: 4.4k
đď¸ synopsis: winter knows what she wants in life: a solid model career, great friends, and to travel. who knew meeting namjoon, 1/3 of a mega rap group would put her into a whirlwind of emotionsâŚgood and bad. no one catches feelings after a one night standâŚright?
đď¸credits: huge thank you to @shadowkoo for beta reading and giving some great advice. love ya raven!! đđ
Summary: Hoseok prepares for his enlistment while unexpected complications arise.
Pairing:Â Hoseok x OC
Genre:Â Angst
Word count:Â 7.6 K
Rating:Â 18+
Warnings:Â none
A/N:Â Not an edit has taken place. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. Starts about a month after Pretty Girls.
Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @confessionsofamarshlily @jiminjhang @xjoonchildx @tarahardcore @infinitehobi @handfullofcandids @whoisbts @jihopesjoint @cuntessaiii @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)
Listen to:Â "little giant" by roo panes
hoseok masterlist |Â main masterlist
Hoseok bounces lightly on the balls of his feet, steadying his breathing as he hears the crowd cheer for the artist on the stage. His dressing room is finally empty; his manager had poked his head in a few minutes ago, informing him that backstage pictures and pep talks with the dancers would begin soon, before withdrawing and leaving Hoseok to his devices.
His team is waiting right outside; as he walks out of his dressing room and starts down the outdoor trail to the stage, his bodyguards and his manager flank him, with the head stylist catching up to them and tripping over herself to straighten his artfully messy hair. He grins at the âJ-hope, J-hope!âs that pass him by, waving at shaking hands with staff and crew and a few fans that have managed to make it this far back to the arena. His bodyguards are skilled, though, keeping them politely at bay, until a grown man appears in his line of vision for a flash before heâs pushed back by the bodyguards.
âHey, wait, wait -â Hoseok halts and peers around the bodyguard towards the man. âMinho hyung?â As the older man grins and nods, Hoseok gasps dramatically before stepping forward and meeting him in a half-hug. âWhat are you doing here?â
âJust hanging out,â says Minho good-naturedly as he walks alongside Hoseok, cradling a Nikon camera hanging around his neck. âI heard you were here - youâve become a big star! But we knew you would be,â he adds, clapping him on the shoulder as though theyâve been friends for years.
Hoseok gapes, for in his wildest dreams he wouldnât have imagined Kwon Minho, the senior he and Chanyeol used to worship in middle school, would be saying this to his face. âOh, Iâm not - I mean, Iâm, you know - like, thereâs a lot of luck -â He dithers on for a few seconds, somewhat aware that all the coolness and swagger heâd been building up in his dressing room is disappearing.Â
âIâm actually here with Chaerin,â says Minho, as they finally reach the backstage area where staff and dancers mill around, with sound technicians marching purposefully in various directions. âHer group is performing soon and Iâm hoping to get a good view of the stage from out here.â
âChaerin - oh.â Hoseok remembers now. The group performing right after the current one is a legacy k-pop group; theyâd debuted a couple of years before Hoseok, creating a blueprint for every girl group of his generation and after. There had been a rumour a few years ago that one of the members, after the group had gone on a long hiatus, had got engaged to someone from Gwangju - the fact that it might be Minho boggles Hoseokâs mind.
âYeah - I kept it for the last minute when they performed in London last week and I didnât get any good pictures,â he laments, running a hand through his hair as the crowd cheers again and they both turn to look. âLearnt my lesson after that,â he adds, a bit louder over the noise.
âOf course. So - Iâm sorry, itâs so great to see you after so long,â says Hoseok, grinning when Minho laughs. âI still see you in the football jersey with that sideways fringe that the rest of us were trying to copy.â
âAh, that was the Justin Bieber era - I remember now.â He chuckles without a hint of self-consciousness. âWe were all trying something. Including your friend - Chanyeol? Are you guys still friends?â
âBest friends,â confirms Hoseok, practically giddy at the fact that Kwon Minho remembers them. âHeâs an investment banker now, I think.â
âOh, yeah, he was a couple years below me in SNU as well.â
âRight! I heard you got a scholarship after SNU to - was it Harvard?âÂ
âStanford,â he corrects. âBut, yeah, that was a really good experience. It was a while ago, though. I got hired by Google after that and worked in San Francisco for a couple years, before I quit and moved back to Korea.â He shrugs. âWanted to try doing my own thing.â
âWow. So - so, what do you do now?â Hoseok asks with interest, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning sideways against the wall. âDo you, like, have your own business?â he asks, unable to keep the admiration out of his voice.
âI did for a while,â he admits, and his smile fades slightly. âAfter I finished service, I started a sports marketing firm and it was - it was good. But, you know.â He pauses. âCouldnât do it remotely for too long. So I sold it and - anyway, Iâm a travel vlogger now,â he says, waving a hand. âGoing around the world, reviewing cities - itâs cool. You should check out my Instagram.â
âOh. I mean, yeah, of course,â says Hoseok quickly. âAnd - I mean, that sounds really cool. But -â Hoseok cringes inwardly, hoping his surprise at Minho - Minho - choosing to be a travel vlogger when he was a merit scholar at seventeen years old, isnât too apparent. âI always pictured you as a CEO or a world famous football player or something,â he admits sheepishly. âWe all did. Sorry - I hope that doesnât sound bad,â he adds apologetically.
âNo, no. Donât worry about it.â Minho shrugs again, and this time it looks more relaxed. âLike I said, the company was going well and everything but⌠I want to be with Chaerin. And she travels a lot - you know, acting in Los Angeles and her group just reunited and now theyâre touring the world⌠It was hard, being back home and seeing her only once every couple of months. So⌠now Iâm travelling with her. And Iâm still a minor shareholder of the company, so it isnât all that bad.â
Hoseok nods slowly, not quite knowing what to say. âThatâs⌠really good,â he manages finally, hoping it doesnât sound as half-hearted as it does in his head.
âYeah. It was an adjustment but⌠you know.â Minho takes a deep breath, looking in the other direction of the backstage area where Chaerinâs group is standing together with a couple of stylists, sipping on bottled water and marking dance steps. âI wouldnât trade it for anything, though,â he says after a few moments, sounding wistful.Â
âRight,â murmurs Hoseok, the sentiment warming heart slightly, for Minho does sound genuine. He sneaks a look at his phone while Minho fiddles with the settings on his camera, scrolling to his chat with her where his thumb pauses on the selfie sheâd sent him a few hours ago before heading to work (wavy hair, clean make-up, shiny pink lip gloss and a white lace blouse). All of a sudden, Minhoâs decision to be with Chaerin makes complete sense.Â
â
Across the world, Chaeyoung nibbles on a carrot stick while peering over her coworkerâs shoulder at the laptop screen.
âLet me know if anyoneâs coming, okay?â Her coworker, Eunji, reminds her in a low voice as she maximises the window to fit the whole screen.
âDid I miss it?â Jia, another coworker, hurries over to them and pulls up a beanbag next to Chaeyoung with one hand, the other laden with bottles of water and snacks from the vending machine.
âNo, they havenât even started yet. Ooh, soy chips.â Eunji eagerly rips open a packet and offers some to Chaeyoung, who smiles and shakes her head.
âShould we call Duri as well?â she asks, looking through the glass doors at their open floor plan to spot the last member of their little group. âHe was pretty excited to watch it, too.â
âI texted him - he needs to send out a copy and then heâll be here,â says Jia, settling down on the beanbag and tucking their haul under the small table where the laptop is perched. âCome on, whatâs taking him so long?â she whines softly.
âTechnical issues,â supplies Chaeyoung, before catching herself. âI mean, I presume. The rest of the show has been on time so far, hasnât it?â
Thankfully, sheâs spared from the conversation continuing when Duri exits through the glass doors and makes a beeline for them, pushing his horn-rimmed glasses up his nose.
âAll clear,â he declares with a flourish, clapping his hands and sitting on the floor next to Chaeyoungâs ottoman. âAll the managers are going to be in an hour-long meeting with New York so we can crank up the volume!â
âWeâre not cranking anything,â says Eunji, as Chaeyoung and Jia snort. âBut we can increase it a bit,â she allows after a moment, pressing the volume up key on her Macbook just as the cheers ascend to welcome J-Hope on stage.
Chaeyoung bites her lip to keep from smiling too widely, although she neednât bother; next to her, Jia muffles a squeal into her fists as Hoseok appears on the screen in a cloud of smoke, hair gelled up and one exposed shoulder gleaming as he immediately launches into one of his hits.
âI canât believe theyâre all going solo now. I mean, theyâre not going solo,â Eunji corrects herself quickly, as though having uttered a taboo word. âBut theyâre - theyâre -â
âTheyâre thriving solo,â breathes Duri, his eyes gleaming with admiration. âHe was made to dance. How much of his life do you think heâs spent just dancing?â
At least the last twenty years, Chaeyoung thinks with pride. At least since Chanyeolâs tenth birthday party when he danced to a Seo Taiji song and did a jazz split in front of about twenty other people and even though he ripped his pants doing it, all anyone remembered was how good he was.Â
But all she says is, âProbably a long time.â
The others nod and they enjoy the show for a while, singing along under their breaths. Eventually, a handful of other people join them until itâs a little over half a dozen people in the floorâs creative room, watching J-Hope perform in New York.
âI canât believe theyâll all be gone soon,â murmurs Jia wistfully, so only Chaeyoung can hear her. âWhat are we going to do?â
Chaeyoung bites her lip, resisting the urge to correct Jiaâs we. It isnât as though she hasnât thought about it - itâs impossible not to think about it, the fact that just like Chanyeol left years ago and Seokjin left a couple of months ago, that Hoseok will, too. In fact, part of her expects him to announce it at the end of this performance, although she hasnât worked up the courage to outright ask him about it yet.
As she watches him perform his heart out, now a BTS song she remembers listening to when she was still in high school, she canât help but think about it. Her phone feels like a tiny window through which she can see him - the real Hoseok, the one who texted her just before she sat down with her friends with a picture from backstage saying wish you were here, caterpillar - and tightens her hold on it, determined to enjoy the performance heâs worked so hard for.Â
When the performance is done and Hoseok waves as he leaves the stage, Chaeyoung grabs her phone and immediately scrolls to their chat as everyone starts heading back to their desks. Sheâs beginning to type out a long message gushing about his performance when sheâs interrupted.
âHey,â says Duri, sidling up to her.
Jumping slightly, she instantly locks her phone and lets her hand fall to her side. âHey. You scared me.â
âOh, sorry! Just - are you okay?â
âUm⌠yeah. Why wouldnât I be?â she asks, nervously fluffing out her hair.
âNo, you just looked a little off, thatâs all.â He raises his eyebrows, looking amused. âI thought he was your favourite member.â
You have no idea. âYeah, noâŚ. Iâm just stressed about work.â She waves a hand vaguely, her gaze shifting to the meeting room where all the managers are still in a meeting. âA lot of deliverables coming up.â
âOh. You know,â he continues, stopping at her desk and lowering his voice, âyou didnât hear it from me, but your name is actively up there for the overseas e-commerce project.â
Chaeyoungâs eyes widen. âThe one in London? Really?â
Duri nods conspiratorially. âAgain - you didnât hear it from me. But if all goes well -â He shrugs hugely as he backs away â- you might be on a long-distance flight pret-ty soon.â
The rest of the day is a blur, even with Chaeyoungâs active efforts to not get her hopes up. She isnât stupid; she knows itâs only a chance and even that, through the grapevine, but if it happens⌠She imagines telling Hosoek, and Chanyeol and Sooah, seeing her father be as excited as he was when Chanyeol got his dream job out of university. It makes her smile every time, followed by an active attempt to suppress it.
Hoseok returns the next day and as happy as she is to see him, she canât bring herself to tell him, not when it isnât even confirmed. Thankfully, actually seeing each other after this long takes precedence, and she can finally get her mind off it for a while. Lying next to him in the dark, naked under the covers while he sleeps off his exhaustion and jetlag, Chaeyoung resolves to keep it to herself until she actually has real news to tell him.
He beats her to it, though. The next night, after a nice date of catching up and spending some much needed time together, they return to her apartment for ice cream and a movie. Casual snogging leads to something more, and they retreat to her bedroom so as to not be caught by Sooah.
âChae,â he says after a while, his head propped up on his hand and tracing his finger lightly along her back as she turns to face him, blissfully post-coital. âI, uhâŚâ He bites his lip, but doesnât avert his gaze. âI got a date. I need to report at the end of the month.â
Chaeyoungâs half-smile fades, and she says nothing for a few moments. Sheâd expected this at some point, but thereâs an uncertainty that creeps up now, although she isnât immediately sure what itâs about.
âUm⌠okay. Do you know where youâll be posted?â she asks, and she notices the mild relief on his face at her question.
âGangwon. To start with. They havenât given me a lot of details,â he adds.
âExcept a date.â
âExcept a date.â He shuffles closer to her and gently tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. âLook, I wanted you to be the first to know. I have to tell the company tomorrow and⌠I guess theyâll have me announce it at the Goyang concert next week.â
Chaeyoung nods. It would certainly make for a headline and while Chaeyoung had had every intention of going to that concert with Sooah, she isnât sure she wants to hear him tell the world heâll be gone for the next eighteen months.
âI donât⌠I donât really know what else to say,â she admits, a bit sheepishly. âI mean, Iâll miss you. Obviously. And, uh⌠itâll be weird not coming over and seeing you, I guess. But I will miss you,â she repeats. âAnd, um⌠I know weâll still text and stuff and weâll see each other on holidays⌠and itâll end eventually. But Iâll still miss⌠this and Iâll miss - Iâll miss -â
Her throat catches and she blinks back tears. Next to her, Hoseok nods as she speaks, his eyes filling up as well and the moment she breaks off, he reaches over and pulls her to him.
âIâll miss you, too, caterpillar,â he murmurs into her shoulder. She sniffles and he tightens his embrace, pressing a kiss to her skin. âI love you,â he adds.
Chaeyoung nods and bites her lip. She doesnât want to cry out loud but sheâs afraid if she does open her mouth, thatâs exactly what sheâll do. So she simply wraps her arm around him and hugs him tighter.
â
Almost two weeks after he met Minho in New York, Hoseok finds himself getting ready to go on stage at yet another concert. This backstage layout is familiar, though; heâs performed here so many times that the green room, the sound check and even some of the staff from the venue are known to him.Â
Not just him, as it turns out; glancing sideways, he spots Yoongi talking to one of the producers, while Jimin and Jungkook are fooling around in his green room, laughing up a storm. Itâs a contrast to the one in New York, where the only familiar person had been Minho (popular, handsome, capable, high-potential graduate who gave up his career to follow his idol girlfriend). Hoseok had wasted no time gossiping about it to Chanyeol after the concert, who seemed to be the only other person who could grasp the magnitude of this revelation.
Hoseok looks back at his friends again, wishing Chaeyoung were here. Ever since heâd told her about his plans for enlistment, sheâd been subdued. They still spent time together but he could sense her holding back, as though hesitating to tell him something.Â
She was supposed to be here tonight as well but sheâd backed out yesterday, needing to stay late at work. Heâd tried not to be disappointed; it sounded like an important interview so heâd swallowed any complaints and wished her luck, reminding her that he believed in her.
Heâs marking the steps to his first song and testing his earpiece when he looks up to see Jimin jogging towards him, holding up his phone.
âHyung,â he calls, coming to a stop. âSooah wants to talk to you.â
âOkay,â says Hoseok uncertainly, taking the phone. âHey, Sooah?â
âOppa! Whatâs up?â
âUm -â He looks around. âAbout to go up on stage in front of about ten thousand people. You?â
âSounds rad,â she says breezily. âListen, I wanted to ask about your after party tonight - is it going to be, like, a rager?â
âA rager? No, I highly doubt it. Why? You two are still coming, right?â
âYeah, of course we are. Iâm in the car outside her office right now,â she chirps. âBut, no - Iâm asking if itâs going to be, like, hundreds of people on drugs or just friends.â
âDefinitely not hundreds and definitely not drugs,â he clarifies immediately, rather confused now. âJust about thirty people in the Hybe building. Whatâs going on?â
âWill it be okay if I bring a cake?â
âA cake? Oh, Sooah, thatâs really sweet of you,â he says warmly. âBut you really donât have to.â
Thereâs a pause. âUm⌠weâre all very sad youâre leaving,â she says slowly, âbut the cakeâs not for you.â
Hoseok frowns, stumped. Then something clicks. âWait, is it for Chae? Did she get the job?â
Thereâs a deep sigh on the other end. âOkay, yes - but she probably wants to tell you herself so you have to act surprised! But⌠yeah, she just texted me and it looks like she got it!â
âOh, my god! Thatâs amazing!â Hoseok catches sight of his reflection in a nearby window and tries to suppress his wide grin.
âYeah, so I thought if itâs a small-ish group, then maybe I could get a cake - low-fat and gluten-free, obviously -â He can almost hear her roll her eyes â- if youâre okay with it?â
âYeah! Iâll get someone to bring champagne and chocolates - no, apricot pie! Wait, Iâll ask her if she wants those Japanese rice balls as well -â
âWhat - no! Oppa!â Sooah exclaims urgently, cutting him off. âYou canât tell her you know! And I donât even know if sheâd want all that - she said sheâs not even sure if sheâs going to take it. So until we know for sure -â
âWait - why wouldnât she?â
âI dunno, I guess because of your enlistment and stuff. But Iâm sure sheâll still go - I guess thatâs what theyâre still discussing in there. But anyway, so about the cake - oh, wait, sheâs calling me. Oppa, I have to go.â
âWait - Sooah!âÂ
But thereâs a click and Sooah hangs up. Hoseok stays frozen for a second before frantically trying to call her back, looking at Jiminâs lockscreen blankly when heâs called by his manager and in the next few minutes, heâs ushered out on stage.
â
Chaeyoung and Sooah reach the after party at Hybe a few hours later, soon after Hoseok and the rest of them reach. Itâs late - made even more so by the fact that Chaeyoungâs team at work, whoâd been there when sheâd got the news, had taken her out to a nearby restaurant to celebrate. With Sooah in attendance as well, the whole thing had felt a bit like a fever dream.Â
Itâs a bit surreal, even after they enter the party. She knows sheâs happy, and all the scenarios sheâd been cooking up in her head over the last few days can finally fade away, but thereâs a whole new emotion taking over now. The scenarios, very vague at the moment, have taken on a new form altogether and itâs making her stomach hurt a little.
âNot much of a party,â declares Sooah, scanning the room critically as Jungkook comes over. âHey. Is it just me or did your parties used to be cooler?â
âI mean -â He looks a bit taken aback and whips his head around, seeming a bit panicked. âI guess itâs not our best,â he admits humbly. âBut it wasnât meant to be. Hobi hyung said he didnât want a huge deal to be made over him leaving and stuff so itâs just the production team and close staff.â
âOh, yeah. He announced it tonight, didnât he?â she muses, glancing at Chaeyoung. âBy the way - guess whoâs so mindblowing at her job that sheâs going to London on a secondment?â
Jungkookâs face freezes in a half-excited expression and he raises his eyebrows, until Sooah smacks his shoulder.
âItâs Chaeyoung! Duh!â
âOh!â Jungkook steps forward and hugs Chaeyoung, who returns it, a bit dazed. âYouâll love London. Very fashion forward - oh, and you can hang out with Dilara, too! Sheâs totally -â He pauses abruptly. âI mean. Sheâs cool. Youâll meet her.â
Chaeyoung nods mutely, a new variable being introduced to the chaos of scenarios. âCanât wait,â she manages, nodding as though she meets world famous athletes who model for Calvin Klein all the time.Â
Somewhere behind Jungkook, she spots Hoseok talking to Namjoon in a corner, both of them looking deep in conversation. Namjoon holds a glass of wine, but Hoseok has only a bottle of water heâs turning in his hands, as though absently.
âCan we get a drink?â Chaeyoung asks, interrupting Sooah and Jungkook.
âOf course, babe,â answers Sooah, and they all glide towards the makeshift bar. âOoh, Prosecco. Wouldâve gone great with the strawberry cheesecake I almost got,â she adds innocently.
Chaeyoung gives her a look, glad for a distraction from the strange anticipatory pit in her stomach. âI didnât say you couldnât get it, unnie. I just said Iâd have only a bite.â
âNo, no - weâll get you the cake you want. Even if itâs some no-fat, no-carb, gluten-free vegan crap.â Sooah makes a face but then smiles, throwing an arm around her shoulder and squeezing it. âYour celebration, your cake.â
Chaeyoung smiles back weakly. Now that theyâre at the bar, she discovers she doesnât feel like a drink after all. She looks around again and this time, she meets Hoseokâs eyes. They light up as if out of habit and she waits for him to make his way to her.
But he doesnât, and neither does she. Instead, he cocks his head in the direction of the balcony - a small crevice to the side where she can see someone with a cigarette in hand - and waits until she starts walking to follow her. When they reach, she realises the person sheâd seen was Taehyung and heâs on the phone, speaking in English.
â- donât get it. You said it wasnât a big deal so I just donât see why - no, but thatâs not even what I -â He stops abruptly when he sees Hoseok and Chaeyoung and purses his lips, his jaw hard.
Hoseok raises his eyebrows. âSorry,â he mouths, taking a step back. âWeâll just -â
But Taehyung shakes his head and puts out his cigarette in the ash tray before brushing past them and heading back out. âHold on,â she can hear him say as he leaves. A couple of minutes later, she spots him exiting the building downstairs, phone still to his ear.
âWow,â she mutters.
âYeah. Par for the course, though,â adds Hoseok, although Chaeyoung isnât quite sure what he means. She turns to face him and suddenly, all thoughts of Taehyung leave her mind.
âHey,â he says softly, smiling. He looks tired but happy, a very specific post-concert look sheâs come to love. But thereâs something else in the way he looks at her, and she knows he knows.
âDid Sooah tell you?â
He winces slightly. âNot on purpose. She wanted to bring a cake,â he explains, a bit sheepishly.
She chuckles. âYeah, she did. I finally convinced her not to.â She bites her lip.
âIâm so proud of you,â he murmurs, walking towards her with his arms open.Â
Chaeyoung knows itâs an image sheâll remember for a long, long time: Hoseok, his proud smile, arms wide and generous, holding the world open for her. She meets him halfway and wraps her arms around his waist as he hugs her, squeezing her shoulders.
âI knew youâd get it. I just knew it,â he says against her hair, and he actually sounds like he believes it. âIâm so proud of you, caterpillar,â he repeats, kissing the side of her head.
She nods against his shoulder, the smile returning to her face. He sounds so genuine; it makes her feel guilty almost, but she doesnât know why. âThanks,â is all she manages before they separate.
âAre you pissed that Sooah told me before you could?â he asks, tugging lightly at a lock of her hair.
âYou would think⌠but, no,â she admits, taking a seat on the small granite bench. âIâm actually kind of glad she didnât. I wasnât really sure how to tell you.â
He frowns. âWhy? You know I wouldâve been happy.â
âNo, of course you wouldâve been happy. Itâs just⌠I donât know, there are a lot of moving parts,â she says vaguely. âItâs six months to start with but when I asked about the leave policy, they said there are usually events and stuff on the weekends, too⌠but I guess if we really plan it well - your holidays back and my free weekendsâŚâ She shrugs, dropping her gaze to her lap.
Hoseok is silent for a moment. âYou donât need to worry about that,â he says quietly. âWe can work that out any way you want.â
âYeah, but we still need to plan,â she repeats. âAnd if I get the additional six month extension and Iâm gone for a year - although, that may not even happen so no point thinking about it now, I guess.â
The strange anxiety is still building in her stomach. Part of it feels good, the part that peaked when he hugged her. But when she observes Hoseok now, how heâs uncharacteristically quiet, how his happiness and pride seems clouded by something else, she isnât even sure what sheâs supposed to be feeling now.
âChae,â he says, and then pauses. He walks over slowly and takes a seat next to her before exhaling slowly, his gaze on his hands in his lap. âYou know when I left for Seoul, right? I was barely out of high school and I had to pitch my parents to even let me go⌠and then they did. And after that it was just⌠pure support - from them, from my sister, Chan, even you. I didnât have to worry about anything except debuting. And then training and performing and touring,â he adds, sighing a bit as though he knows heâs beating around the bush. âI had nothing holding me back.â
He finally turns to her, but Chaeyoung finds she canât quite meet his eyes. Itâs coming, and she knows it.
âChae, I donât want to be the thing that holds you back,â he says gently. âI canât be. Everything youâve worked for, getting an international assignment⌠none of it can be about me. None of it should. Being an idol is a challenge in itself but now I have a limitation that I canât do anything about - maybe if I didnât have to enlist it would be different but -â
âAre you breaking up with me?â She interrupts him, somewhat relieved to hear she doesnât sound angry. âBecause that would be kind of lame, considering Iâm not sure weâre technically dating yet.â
He half-chuckles, without humour. Then he lowers himself off the bench and turns towards her, resting a forearm lightly on her knee.
âYeah. Technically we arenât. Donât you think itâs for a reason?â he asks. âMaybe itâs for a reason youâve hesitated this whole time to call me your boyfriend? Maybe itâs for a reason that you havenât been able to say -â
Chaeyoungâs heart skips a beat. She meets his eyes, relieved when he doesnât say the words out loud either. âWhy do you think youâre holding me back?â she murmurs.
âBecause you shouldnât have to be thinking about how youâre going to take vacation days or whether or not youâll take an extension based on where I am,â he answers earnestly. âYouâre too young to be making decisions based on anything other than what you want for your future. Thatâs what I did. I was out there, making music and touring, having new experiences completely unencumbered, untethered to anything. I want that for you, baby,â he says, squeezing her hand.
Chaeyoung is silent for a moment. âIs this some kind of knee jerk reaction before you enlist?â she asks quietly. âOr are you reallyâŚâ
âNo, itâs not,â he says immediately, shaking his head. âIâm not scared, or trying to get out of anything. This is your time,â he urges. âAnd Iâm not going anywhere. Iâm going to be right here, cheering you on the whole time. And when Iâm out and if youâre still here - in this place⌠Iâll follow you wherever you are.â
She swallows. Itâs all so unexpected, and she doesnât want to admit that the churning in her stomach is slowing down. âReally?â
âYeah. I mean it,â he says, his eyes wide. âI donât want to end this. I just think we have to⌠for now. I donât want to be with anyone else or - or date or anything.â
She sniffles and looks away. âYeah, Iâm sure your dating options in the military will be just fierce.â
He cracks a smile. âEven if they are, it wonât matter.â He scooches closer to her and rests both his forearms on her knees. âIt took me twenty years to realise that the girl Iâm supposed to be with was right next door. A couple years of service isnât going to change that.â
Twenty years. She thinks of how hesitantly sheâd asked her boss about taking holidays, wanting desperately not to sound like she was shirking her responsibilities but also wanting to knowâŚÂ
âWhat if I meet someone there? If weâre not together, if you want me to have new experiences⌠Iâm not saying I will, but what if?â
Hoseokâs eyes flicker and itâs clear he hasnât considered this a possibility. His eyes fall for a moment before he raises them again to meet hers, his eyes just slightly red, and she suddenly wishes she hadnât said anything.
âIf you do⌠then you do,â he says softly. âLike I said⌠you have your whole life ahead of you. This is part of it.â He pauses, lowering his eyes slightly again and biting his lip. Chaeyoungâs hand itches to touch him - on his cheek, his hand, anywhere - but she stays motionless. âIâm just letting you know that⌠Iâm not going anywhere. I love you, Chae. Youâre the one.â
She nods, pressing her knuckle to the corner of her eye before anything spills out. âYou know that I also -â But the words catch in her throat and she looks away guiltily because heâs right. She still canât say it.
âI know,â he mutters, and she can hear how heâs trying to reassure her of the fact. âItâs really okay, Chae. Iâm so proud of you. I really am,â he adds, squeezing her hand and pressing a kiss to her fingers.
Chaeyoungâs vision is blurring now. Itâs overwhelming, the stress of the day, the exhilaration at getting the assignment, the strange anxiety after and Hoseokâs bombshell of a confession. She knows if she stays here any longer, with him, sheâs going to break down. Despite everything heâs said, somethingâs changed now and she canât quite expect the same comfort she could have a few minutes ago.
âIâm going to -â She clears her throat and sniffs, before getting to her feet. âItâs been a long day and⌠I think Iâm going to head home.âÂ
Hoseok stands up with her, nodding but looking worried. âOkay. Um⌠listen, weâll - weâll talk later, right? Before I leave?â
âYeah, totally,â she says, making a show of gathering her back and adjusting her cardigan.Â
âOkay. Congratulations, again. On the assignment.â He reaches for her, probably her arm or her waist, but Chaeyoung turns around to face him before he can.Â
âThanks. And congrats to you, too, on your⌠concert. And the other thing.â She sighs inwardly but canât find it in her to be embarrassed, not now. To avoid the awkwardness, she leans over for a quick half-hug before she turns back around and leaves.
â
The next few days are busier than Hoseok can ever remember his life being. Between long meetings with the company about his mid-service album release and other appearances during service, going back to Gwangju to visit his parents and actually getting ready to leave for a year and a half, he feels like he barely has any energy left to eat and sleep.
The entire time, however, a part of his attention is constantly on his phone, waiting for some sign from Chaeyoung. Heâd given her some space the day after his concert and wouldâve given her more but with every passing day, he comes closer and closer to leaving and the fear that he wonât hear from her at all becomes more and more real.
He texts her a few times but receives only short replies, ones that typically end with her being busy with work. He thought heâd been able to read her mood that night reasonably well. Sheâd been taken off guard but he thought sheâd seemed understanding as well. There had been no anger whatsoever but now he canât be sure.
He tries to remind himself that she, too, is getting ready to leave for a long assignment but every time he picks up his phone to see nothing from her, his heart breaks just a little bit more at the thought that he might have to leave without a goodbye from her.
The morning he is finally at the base, ready to leave, he looks around with remaining dregs of hope that Chaeyoung might be here. His parents are, and his sister and the other members - and Chanyeol, whoâs driven down just to see him off like Hoseok had half a dozen years ago.
âHey, man.â Chanyeol comes over now, clapping him on the back. âEverything okay?â
âYeah.â Hoseok nods, exhaling deeply and trying to calm his nerves. âWas it like this for you, too?â
âWorse. Youâre handling it remarkably well,â he replies. âEspecially the hair and everything. I remember I cried the night I had to shave my head.â He shakes his head, apparently reliving the memory.
Hoseok nods, running a hand nervously over the short bristles on his head. âLeast of my problems, honestly,â he mutters. âThanks for being here, though. You know if your sisterâs coming, too?â he asks after a moment, unable to resist.
âMy sister? Doubt it,â says Chanyeol, looking around at the rest of the site. âThat must be your sergeant. Looks friendly.â
Hoseok follows his line of sight and manages a snort. âYeah, about as friendly as that tutor you had in eleventh grade.â
Chanyeol shudders as Hoseok rewinds back to the fact that Chaeyoung wonât be coming. Heâd stopped by her place last night but Sooah had informed him that she wasnât home yet. It didnât seem like a lie, but it hadnât stopped Hoseok from feeling disappointed all over again.
âCan you ask her to call me?â heâd asked Sooah in a low voice, trying to keep the pleading out of it. âAfter tomorrow, I - I donât know when Iâll be able to -â
âYeah, I know. Iâll tell her.â Sooah had seemed particularly sympathetic and only let him leave after giving him a tight hug, telling him to get used to military life so he could look out for Jimin when he joined.
It was a bleak farewell but it was something. He pulls out his phone and stares at the screen like he had been all week, hoping for it to come to life with the Chaeyoungâs contact picture filling the screen. When it doesnât, his mind goes down the same rabbit hole it has the entire week as well, as to whether heâd made the right decision in ending it.
She would be here, if he hadnât ended it. Granted, with his parents and Chanyeol present, they wouldnât have been able to have the tearful, romantic parting heâd daydreamed numerous times. There would be no lingering hugs, no wiping the tears from her rosy cheeks, no lame jokes to ease the tension, no last savouring the scent of her hair.Â
This is all my fault. But he canât find it in himself to regret his decision. Sheâd probably be here if he hadnât ended it, and heâd see her standing next to her brother as he left, eyes shining but brave⌠and spending the next year and a half figuring out ways to fly back and forth to be with him, making decisions about her career based on where he was.
The moment he imagines it, his heart slows. It was the right thing to do. She would go, she would work hard and be successful, she would have fun, Dilara would look out for her (after a heartfelt text heâd sent her a couple days ago), and in two years, Hoseok would see her happy. Iâm sorry, Chae, he thinks, glancing around at the people seeing him off, but hopefully youâll understand it someday.
With that, Hoseok exhales shakily, hoping the wave of emotion overcoming him is just about leaving. Next to him, Chanyeol keeps up a stream of encouragement.
âTrust me, it goes by way faster than youâd think,â he remarks seriously. âAnd youâre older and eventually youâll have at least a couple of your friends join you. If you get a decent bunch of bunkmates and youâll have - hey, you know what? Youâre a morning person. That fresh air, out in the barracks, away from the city? Top tier. It almost made me a morning person. And theyâve relaxed the phone policy a lot so thatâll be better, too. And theyâll probably let you eat properly as well - oh, speaking of phones,â he mutters suddenly, fishing his phone out of his pocket. âHey. Yeah?â
Hoseok tries to internalise all of Chanyeolâs commentary while he answers his call, trying hard to stay positive. All your family and friends are here, Hobi, he tells himself urgently. That should be enough.
âUh, I donât know, itâs probably still at home? How would I know where your letterman jacket from ten years ago is, Chae?â Chanyeol listens, giving Hoseok a silent look of bewilderment while the latterâs heart stops. âNo, Iâm not at home. Iâm not even in Gwangju - Iâm out at the military site, seeing off Hoseok oppa. Did you say bye to him?â He raises his eyebrows deliberately before nodding and handing Hoseok the phone. âHer royal highness would like to say bye to you,â he tells him.
Hoseok lets out a sound somewhere between a chuckle and choke. He makes sure Chanyeol is looking away before putting the phone to his ear, his heart hammering. Turning away slightly, he finally speaks. âHey.â
âHey.â
The moment he hears her voice, he squeezes his eyes shut, for it feels as though sheâs right here. He takes a deep breath and forces himself to remember where he is. âHow - how are you?â
âIâve been better,â she replies. âAm I on speaker?â
âNo.â
âIs my brother with you?â
Hoseok glances sideways to see Chanyeol now talking to Jungkook. âKind of.â
She hums. Thereâs a few moments of silence during which he clutches the phone tighter, wishing more than anything she was here right now.
âI know Iâve been avoiding you the last few days,â she says finally, sighing quietly and - Hoseok suspects - a little guiltily. âIâm sorry about that. I didnât know how to⌠or what toâŚâÂ
âItâs okay,â he says automatically. âIâm glad you called now,â he adds softly, taking a couple of steps away from Chanyeol.
âI want you to know that⌠I get it,â she admits. âIâm not entirely sure what you were imagining I was going to do and Iâm not saying I completely agree with you,â she clarifies, âbut I get it. And Iâm not mad at you.â
Hoseok clenches his teeth and nods, not trusting himself to speak. This wouldnât be a good time to be overheard for his voice is sure to tremble or crack if he does try.
âI guess my brother is still around,â she guesses. âItâs fine. I just wanted to tell you to take care and be safe⌠and donât be a stranger, okay?â
Her voice is getting thick now, and Hoseok imagines for a moment heâs hugging her. âYeah,â he manages tightly. âYou, too.â
An announcement booms from somewhere across the site, and dozens of new recruits around the area whip around towards the direction of the sound. Hoseokâs heart skips a beat; this canât be how they leave this. He takes a couple of steps away from Chanyeol so as to not be overheard, aware of how heâs running out of time.
âChae, I -â Hoseok panics as his mind goes blank; now that heâs finally speaking to her, itâs hard to choose what to say to her. âHave an amazing time in London,â he says, all his effort going into keeping his voice steady. âYouâll be fantastic.â
âYeah.â She exhales shakily when another announcement sounds and the movement increases. A couple of feet away, Chanyeol turns to him and frowns in what looks like confusion, presumably at how long this phone call is taking.Â
âDo you have to go?â
âYeah,â he mutters. âYeah, Iâm sorry.â
âDonât be. Just - just take care of yourself and, umâŚâ She sniffles just as Chanyeol begins approaching Hoseok, hand half-raised for his phone. Hoseok holds up a finger and takes an automatic step back.
âI will,â he promises, nodding before he remembers she canât see him. âYou, too. Please.â
âYeah. And Hobi?â She pauses until he hums tightly in response. âI love you, too. Just so you know.â
Hoseok has to turn around this time, biting his lip to keep a straight face and squeezing his eyes shut, feeling the tears threatening to spill out as the third announcement comes on.
âIâll let you go now,â she murmurs, clearing her throat. âTake care, oppa.â
He nods again, turning back to see Chanyeol approaching him again, motioning to the other recruits who are all making their way through the gates. On the other side of the phone, Chaeyoung waits for him.
Just as her brother nears him, Hoseok swallows. âYou, too, Chae.â
They hang up at the same time, and Hoseok hurries to hand Chanyeol his phone before bustling around and picking up his back, subtly wiping his eyes on his sleeve at the same time. When he straightens up, heâs surrounded by five of his group members and his parents right in front. Several hugs take place, each blurring into the next with one stark absence throughout.
At the end, itâs just Chanyeol left. His oldest friend walks him to the gates, beyond which Hoseok will have to continue on alone.
âYou okay?â he asks gently, squeezing his shoulder.Â
âYeah. Just hitting me now, is all.â He rubs his eyes before turning to Chanyeol. âI should go. And, uh, email me any tips you have.â
âWill do. Eat well and sleep the best you can. Helps more than you know.â
Thereâs a moment when they nod at each other, before stepping forward in a hug. âTake care of yourself, Hoba,â mutters Chanyeol, patting his shoulder. âItâll be over before you know it.â
âCanât wait. You take care, too.â Hoseok bites his lip. âTake care of your sister, too,â he adds, wishing for the first time that Chanyeol knew about them.
Chanyeol chuckles as they part. âDonât worry.â He takes a step back and smiles, shoving his hands inside his pockets. With one last look at his best friend, parents and members (and a girl he imagines in a neat sweater with shiny hair and a playful beret), Hoseok steps through the gates.
â
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⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?
⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15
⨰ warnings: profanity, mentions of blood and injuries
⨰ wordcount: 5.0k
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â§â§Circa Opalâ§â§
There is not a second to lose in the grand castle in the 12th city. Before the first rays of sunlight grace the dark skies, maids and royal chefs pace up and down the halls, busying themselves with cooking, cleaning, and decorating all for the ceremony of your long-awaited return. You hear them through the thick doors of your chambers, chatting excitedly about your arrival, the only good news the kingdom has heard of in years. It reminds you again that you must perform perfectly. Youâve already disappointed the Solarians; you cannot bear to disappoint your own people.
So by the time your lady-in-waiting comes to wake you up, youâve already bathed, having doused yourself in fragrant oils, and have attempted to apply the appropriate cosmetics to enhance your features, though compared to your sense in fashion, these skills pale in comparison.Â
Jooeun finds you sitting before your grand vanity, setting down a powder puff and putting it away. She looks rather surprised, but that look morphs into one of relief.
âMiss!â she says, rushing into the toilet room, nearly tripping over the hems of her gray frock. âI was beginning to think youâd forgotten my name!â She embraces you tightly, and you canât help but return it. She smells of fresh linen and a hint of lemon, and the scents thaw the memories of her that felt so distant. She used to hold you like this when you first lost Hajin. As the princessâs former lady-in-waiting, she practically raised Hajin, watched her develop into a beautiful young woman and sent her to war, where your incompetence got her killed. Jooeun never blamed you, though. In fact, she didnât have to stay in the 12th city after Hajin passed, but she did anyway. It was a wise choice; she and you had needed each other. And so, your bond served, serves, as a proxy for a relationship you both had with Hajin.
âOh, Jooeun,â you whisper as she sobs, cradling the back of your head. âIâm so sorry⌠I wasnât myself. But Iâm much better now. I simply needed a few days to adjust after being away from home for so long.â
âNo, no, Miss,â she says, pulling away and wiping her tears on her sleeve. She gently squeezes your arms with affection. âI canât fathom what youâve been through all these yearsâŚâ She shudders. âIt mustâve been so hard all alone out there in enemy territory. Iâm glad you feel better now. So, so glad, Miss.â
âIâm glad to be back.â You offer her a smile, but thatâs only a part of your performance, a performance that seems to be convincing enough.
âAnd youâve already gotten ready!â Jooeun says. âYouâre so generous, Miss, giving me less to do.â
âI didnât want to stress you out more than I already have,â you say. âThe gown Iâd like to wear for the occasion is on my bed, and I only need assistance with my hair. Thatâll certainly win you back more time. I know the post-ceremony cleaning will be demanding, so you need all the rest you can get beforehand.â
Jooeun nods. âEver the considerate lady, Miss. Iâll fetch the gown and weâll get started on your hair.â Your lady-in-waiting disappears from the toilet room, reappearing seconds later with the beautiful dress you had chosen for the event. âIs this new, Miss? Iâve never seen you wear it.â
The gown is the cotton, garnet-hued one you masked in the quiet aftermath of your first victory as the Darlaean General. Originally, the dress had been a cry for help. You created it to cope with your fears after experiencing the violent frontlines of the war. Those fears had manifested into a gown subconsciously inspired by the Solarian uniformâcotton to be breathable and freeing, and red to represent the spilled blood and raging fires on the battlefield. You had always found shame in this imitation. The gown stayed hidden in your wardrobe.
But things are different now. The gown no longer reeks of death. Instead, it reminds you of the Solarian people, of their warmth and love, their humanity, their spirits and sols and food and land. A piece of Solaria will accompany you to the ceremony. You wonât feel so alone. The gown is now your beacon of hope. After all, when you were dying, hopeless and bleeding out on the battlefield, it was the Solarian uniform that had saved you. Itâs true that you wore the enemyâs clothes to live to see another day. And yes, even if that had been unintentional, what you did was shameful and cowardly and weak. But you donât regret it. You canât. Even if that meant you signed up to shift your alliance for three years. You will never regret the experiences youâve lived on Solarian land, and you will never give it up. And if Solaria is a part of you, you will wear it proudly, though you suppose your people will interpret your choice of wardrobe as a statement: youâve infiltrated the Solarian Army with tactful camouflage and have come back to exploit their secrets.
âI fashioned it years ago,â you tell Jooeun. âI thought itâd want to see some daylight.â
âRed,â she says. âItâll certainly stand out amongst the crowd.â She runs her fingers through the thick gold ribbon around the waist of the gown. âA ribbon like that would look beautiful in your hair. I imagine itâd tie the look together, Miss.â
Itâs a wonderful idea. You mask a thinner gold ribbon from a few scraps of fabric you store, and Jooeun works it into your stunning hairdo. She then helps you into the beautiful dress and meticulously touches up your cosmetics. Thankfully, she doesnât notice the extra product you slathered on to hide your dark circlesâor she chooses not to comment on it. The entire process takes a few hours, and by the time youâve finished getting ready, the ceremony is only minutes away.Â
Jooeun smooths out your gown as the two of you stare at your reflection in the mirror. âYou look divine, Miss,â she says. âYouâre ready to meet your people.â
âIâm nervous,â you say, scrutinizing every detail on your face before moving on to do the same with your gown.Â
âI understand, Miss,â Jooeun says. âBut you donât need to be. Itâs a celebration. Everyone there will be overjoyed. We have waited years for your arrival.â
You tug at the trinket around your neck. âI suppose soâŚâ Before you can ask your lady-in-waiting whether sheâll be at the ceremony, thereâs a knock on your door.
âAh,â Jooeun says. âThat must be the General. He will escort you to the ceremony, Miss. Youâll have him by your side the entire time, so you wonât need to worry.âÂ
She rushes to greet Jungkook by the door, and you hear them exchange quick salutations. âThank you,â Jungkook tells Jooeun. âYouâre dismissed.â You hear Jooeun leave your chambers, closing the door behind her.Â
Now itâs just you and Jungkook. Thereâs a pit in your stomach, knowing that things will never be the same between the two of you. Youâre nervously twisting your trinket, gaze lowering to your feet, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Itâs silent for an uncomfortable period of time. Then, you hear him step beside you, but heâs respectful enough to leave you some room. Heâs watching you through the mirror; you know he is. What will he think of your dress? Surely, he knows the true reason youâre wearing it. Will that be his last straw? Perhaps now that he knows you cannot love him the same, he has no reason to protect you.Â
Jungkook lets out a small sigh. âI went back for you, you know.â He says it so softly, so quietly, itâs as if the wind had whispered in your ear. Guilt settles in your stomach. For Soohtâs sake, heâs a divinist; you need to be more careful about what you think around him. His single phrase demolishes any previous doubt of his motivations. âI told you Iâd never leave you again. Did you really think Iâd break my promise?â
Your throat is dry.
âWe won that battle,â he says. âJust like I predicted, but I was blinded. No victory is worth losing you. I searched and searched for you for years,â he says. âI was successful, of course, but I see that has come with a price.â He pauses, no doubt examining your countenance. A lump forms in your throat as you struggle to form a coherent response. âYou may no longer love me. I know the memory potion has its limits. But Iâm only glad to have you back.â
Youâre silent for so long, unable to react, that he speaks again. âYou donât have to respond. I just wanted you to know before we made our public appearance together. Now,â he sighs, âthe ceremony. I will be by your side the entire time; Iâm sure youâve already calculated the benefits of that. There are only a handful of people who know of your memory loss, and I intend on keeping it that way. I have made it clear to those people that if there is a whistleblower, I will not hesitate to execute them. But it shall be made public knowledge that you were indeed injured on the battlefield, and when you saw Solarian forces from afar, you intentionally masked your uniform to infiltrate the enemyâs army, climbed their ranks, earned their trust until they deployed you on the battlefield. Do you follow?â
You nod.
âWonderful. Iâve been in contact with your parents. They did express interest in attending the ceremony, but you know them. Itâs difficult for them to show up to a military-backed event as scholars. I hope you understand.â
âItâs all right.â
âWell then,â Jungkook says, gesturing toward the door. âShall we head out?â
You nod. âYes. Thank you,â you add hastilyâand you mean it. Youâre ready to put on a performance.
The royal courtyard has hosted hundreds of events during your time in the castlegrounds. You recall the celebrations quite well: the annual Harvest Ball, the birthdays, occasional festivals and military promotions. There was always plenty of food and interesting people to converse with, though most of the time, you, Hajin and Jungkook snuck out to the Sapphire Lake for some peace. But the courtyard didnât only celebrateâit mourned as well. You had given a eulogy here, honoring the death of General Son and accepting your promotion as his successor, with thousands in attendance. From Jungkook, you learn that there had been a period of mourning held in the same space when youâd disappeared in battle, too. Even now, though this ceremony is a celebration, you canât help but feel a little somber.
The courtyard bustles with all sorts of people. You recognize a good deal of themâfaces that have looked up at you when you gave your speeches, faces scrunched in pain as you attended to their injuries in the infirmary and faces grim and serious as you laid out the new battle plans during meetings. The same faces light up whenever they see you, and they rush over to exchange words. You meet so many of themâactive and retired soldiers, royal workers and even citizens from the other cities, who traveled all this way to see you. The word quickly gets out of your spy work, and that becomes the focus of all conversations. After a while, dialogues begin to blend together.Â
There is bountiful food and pleasant music, but itâs difficult to enjoy them when everybody wants to pull you in for a conversation. As promised, Jungkook stays by your side the entire time, and instead of that feeling overbearing, youâre thankful. He begins answering questions for you, especially when they become invasive, and he makes sure to call Seokjin from time to time to fetch you a drink. Hours pass, and your feet scream in pain, having become unaccustomed to the tight Darlaean shoes after years of wearing comfortable, cotton boots. When you think there canât possibly be more people to greet, your parents are ushered in.
Youâre surprised they managed to come. You suspected they must have cut ties, considering they didnât bother to visit you before the ceremony. But here they are, in their best clothes, waving at you and Jungkook as they glide across the courtyard.Â
âSweetheart!â Ma cries, her familiar, sparkling earrings swaying to and fro. Mother is right behind her, her golden circlet shining in the light.Â
They embrace you, and itâs warm and comforting and nice. You canât remember the last time theyâve done this.Â
âWe canât say that we foresaw you coming back to us alive at all,â Mother says, taking a step back to take you in.Â
âBut weâre so glad,â Ma says. âAnd so very indebted to General Jungkook for bringing our daughter back to the nation.â
Jungkook smiles politely. âYouâre too kind, Sura, but it was really Y/Nâs plan to come back.â
âOh, but I canât imagine the pain, General,â Ma sighs. âFor your lover to be missing for three years and to not know if she was alive and well!â
âYes, and to have to take her place,â Mother says, shaking her head. âIt must have been so hard.â
Youâre finding it hard to control your falling expression.Â
âIt was difficult, yes,â Jungkook acknowledges, but he presses a gentle hand on your shoulder to bring you back into the conversation. âYet it doesnât compare to the tribulations your daughter has gone through for her nation.â
You attempt a smile. âIâm just happy to be back home.â
Your parents are too distracted by Jungkookâs presence to realize youâre not telling the truth. They offer you pity and condolences, but train their focus right back on your former lover, asking him divination-related questions that are outside of your scope of knowledge. Jungkook answers each inquiry eloquently, sparing no detail. He seems to bask in the attention of your parents, and you let him have it just like you always have.Â
Soon, your parents leave, claiming they have time-sensitive research matters to attend to. Jungkook is apologetic about their behavior, but strangely, youâre not as upset as you thought youâd be. Your relationship with your parents was already frail, and after having consumed the memory potion, the few happy emotions you associated with them have faded. Whatâs left are memories of their absence.Â
âItâs all right,â you tell him. âIâve accepted it.â
âYouâve been doing well,â Jungkook whispers. âItâll be over soon. Once His Majesty comes and delivers his speech, the ceremony is expected to end.â
Guilt seizes your chest as you think about the implications of reuniting with the King of Darlae. All these years, he treated you like his own daughter, and you repaid him by getting his only daughter killed and betraying his nation. You meant to ask Jungkook why Hoseok didnât attend the event earlierâyou thought he, of all people, would be the first to greet you, much less before your parentsâbut you get your answer when you see the king enter the courtyard with a trail of his guards.Â
Hoseok looks much older than you remember him. His face sags with wrinkles, his hair gray and movements slow. Three years have done a number on Darlaeâs kingâso much so that he looks in feeble condition. Your chest tightens at the sight. Hoseok approaches the empty stage of the courtyard, and he looks out at his people. Though his youth has been stripped away from him, he still commands respect with his presence, his charismatic stare lulling the gentle chatter to silence.Â
âMy dear people,â he says, his voice booming in the open space. âToday is the day we rejoice. Today is the day we celebrate. After three long years of her absence, General Kwang Y/N is back. Come, my dear,â he says. And for the first time since he entered the courtyard, his kind eyes lock with yours. He gestures for you to join him on the stage. You hesitate, glancing at Jungkook, but he only nods, encouraging you to go. With shaky breaths and sweaty palms, you climb the stairs to share the stage with the King of Darlae, knowing the large crowd is watching your every move.
The moment you are close enough, Hoseok embraces you in a warm hug. âI have missed you, my dear,â he whispers, hand caressing the back of your head. The embrace is long and much-needed after such a long day. When you feel a bit of wetness on the shoulder of your gown, it takes you a second to realize Hoseok is crying. Theyâre happy tears; he makes that clear when he eases his embrace and takes your two hands in his. âY/N is like a daughter to me,â he tells the crowd. âAnd she has come back to us in one piece. Let us honor all that she has sacrificed for our nation and listen to what she has to say.â He squeezes your hands, the way his daughter used to. âMy dear, talk to our people. They have waited so long for your return.â He steps out of the way. Thousands of eyes center on you.
Your mind goes blank, and you stare at the sea of people, regretting not having prepared even the simplest speech. From the crowd, Jungkook catches your eye. He recognizes panic from your expression, raises his hand and taps into the air, Perform. Theyâll love it. Even if you donât love him anymore, he knows you like the back of his hand. His support brings back thoughts to your head.
Yes, youâll perform. Whether you like it or not, you are these citizensâ beacon of hope; they made that much clear in your conversations with them earlier. So youâll play into what they want from you, and you can only pray to Sooht, Soo, Sahn and Sori that they believe your words.
âGood evening,â you start, hands awkwardly placed by your side. Your voice comes out strained and a little gravely, but you continue. âI stand before you again, as I have done so many times during my short tenure. Though today, I feel unworthy of honor and reverence. Today, I stand here with shame and humility.Â
âFor three long years, I have abandoned my nation and lived amongst the Solarians, learning their ways and speaking their vernacular. Instead of death, I chose to become a spy, but in doing so, I left this nation in haste, and in my absence, my comrades bled, fought, and buried the fallenâall without my guidance. I may have uncovered Solarian secrets, but knowledge does not mend the wounds of betrayal.Â
âI stand before you to admit my failings. Shame has been my companion these three long years, and though I return with information to change the tides of war in our favor, I know that does not erase the stain of my departure.Â
âI am honored that I am being celebrated in this ceremony today, yet I cannot help but wonder if I am worthy of such praise. I am grateful, but my people, my soldiers, you are too kind. Still, I humbly return, requesting that you allow me to fight alongside you. I am happy to be back home, so let me serve and protect you, and I will strive to bring victory to Darlae.â
The words, the lies, flow out of your lips too easily. When you finish speaking, the crowd erupts in cheers. You take it that your performance is believable; there isnât a dry eye in the audience. Thus, the ceremony is a success.Â
You spend the next few hours saying your goodbyes to the attendees, and once the last people are packed safely in their carriages, you finally catch your breath in your chambers. Your shoes are the first thing that comes off your feet, and you splay out on the bed, wondering about the implications of your speech. How, in your right mind, will you share Solarian secrets? When you know itâll get your friendsâand Yoongiâkilled? The headache is back, and you bury your face under your hands, hoping darkness will placate it.Â
Thereâs a knock on the door.
âItâs me,â Jungkook says. âI have His Majesty with me.â
You leap from the bed so fast that you feel nauseous. âYes! Come in!â you shout a little too quickly. You didnât expect their company, and it makes you nervous that they sought you so soon after the ceremony. The performance must go on.
âAh, my dear,â Hoseok says, bringing you into another tender embrace. âI wanted to see you again; the few minutes I had at the ceremony simply werenât enough. Such a lovely speech you gave.â
âO-Oh, yes, thank youâŚâ So much for giving a flawless performance.
Hoseok leans back, looking over your face. âAre you okay, my dear? You seem anxious.â
âI, umâŚâ
âYou can imagine how difficult it was for her in helluvian territory, Your Majesty,â Jungkook chimes in. âIâm afraid Y/N hasnât quite been feeling herself since she has come back, so please, forgive her if she seems unwell. The ceremony today might have only exacerbated her condition.â
âOh, my dear child,â Hoseok says, caressing your face. âWhat have they done to you?â Guilt stabs your chest. âI worry now. Are you fit to command the army?â
Your eyes flit over to Jungkook, asking, begging him to help. You donât know if you deserve his aid again, but heâs generous enough to oblige without question.
âPerhaps it is a good idea to let Y/N rest, Your Majesty,â he says. âShe has been through much trouble, and I canât quite condone pushing her beyond her limits when she has put her life on the line for us for three years. I do not mind carrying on in my temporary position as the General as long as she feels comfortable.âÂ
âYes,â you agree quickly. âI do feel as though I need more time to recuperate, if that is all right. I sincerely apologize for my shortcomings.â
âOf course, that is all right, my dear,â Hoseok says, putting a shaking hand on your shoulder. âPlease, no need to apologize. I want you to take as much time as you need. You have already done so much for Darlae, my dear. So much more than you will ever admit to yourself. General Son would be so proud⌠You may observe Jungkookâs duties until you feel ready to take over again. I, and the rest of our nation, will wait patiently.â
Youâre beyond grateful for Hoseokâs words. You canât imagine having to face Yoongi on the battlefield, or any other Solarian, for that matter. This buys you time. You canât bear the thought of fighting for a war you no longer believe in. For as long as you can, youâll avoid it. And for as long as youâre alive, youâll protect Solariaâs secrets.
The scene is familiar, but the atmosphere is different. The royal orchard was a fragrant and charming place, where sweet fruits blossomed, along with your young love. As always, it is lovelier at nighttime. The moonlight shyly graces the flora and bathes you and him in dim light. You didnât think you had it in you to have another conversation after all the dialogue youâve had today, but when Jungkook asked to meet you here, you couldnât find it within yourself to decline.Â
âI just thought you mightâve needed some fresh air and a good view after today,â he says.
You nod. âThanks, I really didâŚâ Youâre struggling to continue the conversation.
âYou did well,â he says. âI know things must be hard. I donât know what exactly you went through in that place, but I do know itâs been plaguing your mind⌠And Iâm sorry. Sometimes⌠I almost feel like you regret coming back here.â Thereâs something about this placeâperhaps your past deep confessions and late-night rendezvousâthat makes Jungkook lose his usual rigidity. He appears to have let down his guard, reaching out to you tenderly, as he used to when the two of you were in love.
âItâs⌠difficult,â you say. âItâs been difficult. I⌠I just feel so much guilt, and I⌠I donât know, I thought I was fucking Solarian, Jungkook. I feel like I donât even know who I am anymore, yet thousands are expecting me to run this nationâs military. Hoseok believes I share this nation with him, but how can I, Jungkook? I forgot I was Darlaean for three years!â
âItâs all right,â he says, gently. âTell me how you feel.â He reaches out to touch your hand but stops himself. âIâll listen to whatever you have to say.â
You hesitate. How much can you tell him? How much does he really want to know? Will there be consequences for your honesty? You stop yourself from thinking further. For Soohtâs sake, you used to tell each other everythingâwhat has your relationship come to? Are you the one sabotaging it with doubt? Jungkook seems to want to make amends. So do you trust him?
The answer comes instinctively.
âI was just so scared,â you say. âGoing into that battle, I was fucking terrified. And when I was hit, I really thought I was going to die. When I woke up in Solaria in their uniform, I had no memories except for my name, so it was only natural for me to deduce that I was Solarian. A healer there told me to keep my trinket hidden for safety, and I was only interrogated briefly before I was let go. Over the years, I became more involved in their army, learned to work with fire, and with the help of others, decoded the codes you sent⌠I had no idea, Jungkook. Iâm sorry.â
He shakes his head. âItâs all right.â
âAnd I⌠I saw Taehyung. He saw me, he recognized me, but I⌠I didnât say anything. I left him to die.. And IâŚâ You have to stop before you get more emotional. Who knows what else you might divulge with heightened emotions?
âHey, itâs okay,â Jungkook whispers. âEverything you did there, the crimes against Darlae, treason, undocumented espionageâI donât care. I donât give a shit about any of that. You did what you did to survive. I wouldâve done the same if I were in your position. So donât you feel guilt.â
Your lips tremble. âJungkookâŚâ You didnât expect him to be so understanding, and it hurts that you could think something like that.Â
âWhatâs important to me is that youâre back,â he says. âI know our relationship isnât the same anymore, but we still share our love for this nation. We want the best for Darlae, and you have valuable information to make that happen. Even more groundbreaking, you know how to control fire! We can teach our soldiers and give those damn treehuggers a taste of their own medicine! Weâll finally win the war, Y/N. Itâll be over, under our reign!â
You frown. âDonât you think the masked spheres are enough?â you bite out before you can stop yourself.
Jungkook mirrors your frown. âYou saw them.â
âI worked in the medical tents when I had spare time,â you say. Of course I fucking saw them, you want to continue. You saved Yoongiâs life from one of them.
Jungkookâs demeanor shifts so minutely that if you hadnât known him for years, you wouldnât have noticed. Heâs retreated back behind his walls. âIt was a clever charm I invented,â he says without much intonation, âto create the illusion that the treehuggers could save themselves.â
Goosebumps dot your arms. You recall the spurting lava, the cries of pain, the sweltering heat of Yoongiâs tent, when his lips grew blue, when he began to hyperventilate, go into shock, when you thought he lost consciousness and died⌠all because of Jungkookâs charm.
Jungkook uses your silence to speak again. âI want to win the war. Weâre close. Closer than we have been for years. I can see victory, and itâs only a matter of time before I finish them off. Darlae has been out of the gold trade for too long, and the 1st city deserves more than to have its land used as military campgrounds. I want to make Darlaeans live in peace and away from those threatening helluvians.â He turns to you, eyes sparkling with ambition. âI want you to know, Y/N, that youâre Darlaean through and through. You might be a little confused from your three-year trip to the enemyâs land, but Iâm sure youâll wake up soon. You donât have to assume your position as General if you donât want to fight them directly. But I ask that you teach my soldiers how to control fire.â
You wonât do that. You donât even know if you can do that. How can you share your sacred connection with Sooht with people who wonât honor Hwayoungâs story, who hate the Solarians to their core? But youâre afraid to say no. Jungkook knows so much. He knows about your doubts, that your heart does go out to Solaria and its people. He assumes that you will come around to support Darlae in this damned war, but he assumes wrong. And youâre afraid to prove him that way. âIâll think about it,â you say, hoping he wonât push you further.
He doesnât.
Instead, he stops walking and turns his head from you. Suddenly, the nighttime breeze grows cold, and you shiver, staring at his back in worry.Â
âAll right,â he says. âLetâs call it a night. Iâll be at your door at 6 oâclock in the morning tomorrow. From now on, youâll be shadowing me completing my duties. Be ready.â
Youâre only glad he didnât respond in anger. âI will be,â you tell him.
âAll right then,â he says. âGoodnight.â
âGoodnight.â
He leaves you alone in the orchard, where the moon has hidden itself away behind dark clouds, and a cold breeze bites your cheeks. You feel alone again.
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⨰ a/n: consistent updates whoo! ch. 43 is already written, so it'll be released in two weeks on october 10th, 2025 :) look out for that! as we inch closer to act iii, things start to pick up!
please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!
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⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?
⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15
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â§â§Circa Opalâ§â§
Consciousness wraps you around in its warmth, and yet youâre enveloped in darkness. Your eyes refuse to open, weighed down by what feels like hundreds of years of slumber. You feel weak. Perhaps a side effect of the memory potion. Or simply because youâve just lived through more than two decadesâ worth of memories in your sleep. Youâre terrified to move, to open your eyes, to show any sign that youâve woken up; youâre not ready to face anyone yet, not when youâre so overwhelmed. You know too much. Your head is reeling with thoughts and memories that have unlocked themselves from the depths of your mind. The newfound knowledge is both rewarding and confusing.
It all makes senseâthatâs the rewarding part. Youâd accepted for so long that the mysteries regarding your past would never be solved, and yet, theyâve been unveiled satisfactorily all at once. You now know why you woke up in the Solarian uniform: your penchant for alchemy and fashion saved your life. The sparkling necklace that kind-hearted Joon, unaware of Darlaean practices, had helped you hide away for so long, kept you from being detected in the campgrounds. The warmth of Heli, the gentle and compassionate sol, had only felt so familiar because of Enyx. He had only detected your fondness for fire sols, not your severed connection to Sooht. And Taehyung. Oh, Taehyung. Now you know why his face had burned so deeply into your memory, why you had a nightmare about him and his boxy smile. Did he die thinking you abandoned him? Did he die thinking you betrayed your nation? How can his sister ever forgive you? Does she know heâs dead? She must know heâd been capturedâshe shouldâve gotten a visit from the armyâs messengers. Itâs shameful that you couldnât honor Taehyungâs death, couldnât even remember who he was, when he had been the only one to help you carry Hajinâs body across the battlefield, the only one to risk his life for the princess. Memories of Hajin flash across your mindâher bubbly laugh, her adventurous spirit, and her feasting happily on deviled eggs. Now you realize that Hana had subconsciously reminded you of her, that whenever Hana grabbed your hands, you felt hot electricity because your deceased best friend used to do the same. Your love for Hajin had ingrained itself in your body, such that even when your mind couldnât remember, your muscles did. And the codes, the fucking codes youâd so stupidly tried to crack, had been your lover calling out for you. He had carefully chosen every word to represent him, your relationship with him, or you. Jewel, for when you and he had first met and his sapphire had fallen out of his pocket; jewel, for when youâd gifted him his shining silver sword, which he cherishes to this day. Usurp, for his ultimate goal against Solarian leadership. Nineteen was how old he was when he first met you. General was what you became and what he became in your absence. Kwangâyour true identityâwhich he must have been begging you not to forget. Opal was for the circa you met him, and now you suppose the circa you were reunited. Orchard⌠Yes, you remember so vividly now, when heâd asked you on a walk around the royal garden blooming with sweet-smelling fruit, you fell for him right then and there. King for his promise to the kingâto take care of you when you forget to take care of yourself. He spelled his name for you, tried to make you remember. I believe in you, heâd said before a battle from which you disappeared on him for three years. And he never stopped believing.
Now comes the confusing part. You loved him. The wordless exchanges in monocode, the early morning training sessions, the late-night talks about your dreams⌠He had always wanted to make a name for himself, and you had helped him, fully supported him. And he had supported you. He cared for you, ran your army when you could no longer do so. Heâd once promised over Hajinâs grave that heâd never leave you again, so when you disappeared, he looked for you for three years. He repeated the codes to find you, even if that meant he was losing the war. You remember how he used to make you feel. Your stomach would unleash butterflies every time he kissed you, and you craved his warm embrace after long days on the battlefield. You loved him so deeply that it felt like two hands were wringing your heart whenever you thought of him. The bond that you had with Jungkook was beautiful. He was, in a literal sense, the man of your dreams. But why? Why canât you feel the same emotions now? Where is the love that so profoundly touched your heart?Â
Why canât you feel anything from your past? If not the love for Jungkook, where is the agonizing grief over Hajinâs death? What about the grief over the loss of Taehyung? Where are your emotions? You feel guilty, yes, and upset, but more so because they died so young, and you knew you were once close to them. You cannot truly mourn them. Itâs as if you dreamed a vivid dream about the last two decades of your life, but when you woke up, the intense feelings faded away, leaving a series of emotionally void events. This was your life. It was unequivocally you. And yet⌠why does she feel like an old version of you? But how can you simply discount the experiences of your past? You canât, not without erasing your character, your alchemy and the people who raised and cared for you. Then⌠who are you now? But does the answer to that question even matter? You donât have much of a choice, really. You will have to be Darlaean. This is your birth nation, the nation that gave you a purpose and a dream. Yet⌠in your last moments on the battlefield, before the trajectory of your life so drastically changed, you realized it all was stupid and pointless. The years and years of work you put into becoming a soldier became null. Itâs almost laughable how you thought you were being a hero. You thought you were doing a good thing. But how? How is being involved in the war good? Even if you fought to end it, that would imply a winner and a loser, not to mention the millions of casualties. And besides, youâre no hero. You never will be. You turned on your nation. You wrote battle plans that killed your own soldiersâthe same ones you tried to learn all the names of, the same ones you stayed up late fussing over in the infirmary, the same ones that signed their lives away to you. Whatever subconscious memories you had from being the Darlaean General, you used against your own nation. You killed them. You killed your people. Murderer! your mind shrieks. You thought you were Solarian, for Soohtâs fucking sake. You wanted to win the war in Solariaâs favor. So how? How in good conscience can you continue to fight in this stupid war? And while you were betraying your nation, your people severed Nayoonâs arm, Hanaâs leg, Wonmiâs right ear and hand, nearly killed Yoongi, and actually killed Doyun. There are no fucking war heroes. For every person who thinks you are one, may the spirits forbid, thereâs another person on the other side who thinks youâre a monster. So how? How can you go back to becoming the Darlaean General knowing everything? When youâve befriended people from both sides? When you love people from both sides? When youâve lost people you love on both sides? How many more people have to die?âhow many good people that youâre supposed to call the enemy? And now⌠now you wonât ever know if or when youâll lose another. The people you lived with for three years, ate together, trained together, cried together, mourned together⌠You donât know if theyâre even alive now. Yoongi⌠Yoongi. Is he doing all right? Your heart drowns in deep emotions as your heart calls out to him. Yoongiâ
Tap, tap, tap.
Youâre startled from your thoughts. Monocode. Someoneâs asking if youâre awake. No, not a someone, Jungkook.
Your hands tremble under the blankets, unsure if youâre ready to face him; the guilt is overwhelming. How do you break it to someone that, after all theyâve done for you, you donât love them anymore? Even worse, that you love someone elseâsomeone they deem the enemy?
Itâs okay, he taps. Iâm here. Take your time.
Your heart twists in agony. Slowly, carefully, your eyes peel open, met with dim lightâhow considerateâand a softened, familiar face. Your mouth instantly becomes dry. He looks so sweet, his brown doe eyes full of love. It reminds you of when you first met himâso gentle and innocent. Unable to speak, you resort to a language for just the two of you. I remember now, you tell him, tapping against your hand. Tears prickle your eyes. Iâm sorry. Iâm so sorry. I remember. I remember everything now.
Jungkook reaches out, and time seems to slow down as he tenderly cups your cheek. His gaze is so soft and adoring that you canât help but look away as guilt shatters your heart. Your mind has been injected with memories of him, memories with him, but it isnât enough to cease your beating heart for someone else.Â
Itâs still so fresh in your mind: holding onto his waist while on the back of his stallion sol, exploring a new city together, his warm hands under yours as he teaches you how to work with fire for the first time, his soft, husky voice, visiting his childhood home together, sitting by the beautiful lake in Ara and learning about his family, then visiting their graves to pay your respects, mourning Doyun with him, resting your head on his shoulder, jumping into his arms after he comes back from battle, hearing him tell you that he canât lose you, that itâll kill him to do so and heâll do everything in his power to keep you live, him calling out to you when he was recovering from his near-fatal injury, him telling you that love and war is dangerously precarious but he still feels for you anyway, him confessing that if it werenât for the war, he wouldnât hesitate to be with you, and finally, when he clasps your trinket around your neck, so tenderly, and tells you that he trusts you before you march into battle and never come back. Â
Jungkook takes your silence as an answer. The adoration in his expression fades away as his stern countenance takes over. His hand retracts, and he hides it behind his grand, fur-collared cape, the one you gifted him. âA lot can change in three years,â he says quietly. He stands, glancing back at you, though now, you canât seem to read him at all. âIâll leave you to rest and collect your thoughts. Do remember, tomorrow, citizens expect you at the ceremony to celebrate your arrival. You donât have to tell them the truth. You probably shouldnât.â
âW-Wait,â you tell him. Heâs already halfway out the door of your chambers. âIâm sorry. IâŚâ The did I do something wrong? catches in your throat. For Soohtâs sake, heâs a divinist, of course he knows whatever happened to you in those three years faded your feelings for him. But does he know about Yoongi? Chills run down your spine. He shouldnât. He couldnât.
âItâs fine,â Jungkook says. His words are curt, but his tone is warm. âI understand,â he says. âI apologize if I was too forward.â
Your fingers clutch at your trinket. âNo need for apologies.â Somewhere inside of you, you still care about him. You know the deepest, darkest parts of him, and yet you still admire him, respect him. He was your lover, your closest friend. Even if your heart no longer beats for him, you donât want to hurt him. But would he hurt you if he found out how much you feel for Solaria? Would he still love you if he knew youâd met their nine-year-old king, mourned over their soldiers, fallen in love with the man who commands their army?Â
He nods. âIâll leave you to rest.â
âThank you.â
âFarewell.â
âFarewell.â
You chew on the inside of your cheek as the door slams shut. How⌠How is everything so utterly fucked up? One moment, you were in love, delighted you were finally able to go into battle for what you thought was your nation, and the next, the man you love thinks youâre a traitor, and the man who loves you indubitably knows youâre a traitor but refuses to say anything. The war is still ongoing, but now, you have no passion to fightâbecause to end it, youâll have to be involved, and to be involved means to have to hurt the people you know and love. And for Soohtâs fucking sake, who in the bloody helluvian are you? You now recall and appreciate the finer things in life: rich fabrics, comfy beds, lavish bathrooms. But the beauty of the natural world, never taking more from the land than you need to and the respect for all living things is ingrained in your existence too. Darlaean tales shaped your childhood and gave you a lifelong dream to be a hero, to make a change, but the Solarian ones gave you solace and an identity when you didnât know who you were. So, who are you? Is it even fair to consider Solaria as part of your identity when youâve spent twenty years in Darlae and three there? How? How can you compare? And yet⌠you can. During those three years in Solaria, you reinvented yourself, coloring in your blank slate; you had been reborn like a fire bird, like a phoenix. Those three years were all you had, and now, merging with your other twenty-three years of existence, you feel like your brain is splitting apart.
You canât possibly be both, especially when youâre on Darlaean land, having abandoned the Solarians. Darlae runs in your bloodâyou canât ignore it. The nation made you who you were. Youâve met incredible people in your time: Donghoon, Junhee, Instructor Shin, General Son, Hajin, Jungkook⌠You feel such a desire to protect the people here. And yet, Solarian culture seeps through your skin. It gave you purpose when you were lost.Â
You love both nations. But does that mean you are too loyal, or not loyal enough? You were, are, willing to fight for Solaria and Darlae, which implies you are willing to die for them, too. Youâd proudly prove your loyalty to both nations with death, just like Hosoo did in her tale. But you canât die twice. Itâs impossible to swear loyalty to both nations, not amidst a war that has been dragging on for decades. So what do you do?Â
Jungkook had made it clear that his position as the General of the Darlaean Army is only temporary, but how, how can you possibly reassume your role? Those speeches you used to make, encouraging your soldiers to become heroes, upholding the legacies of their beloved fallen, how, in good conscience, can you do the same? When youâve lost sight of who youâre loyal to? When you no longer desire a war? How in Soohtâs name are you supposed to greet the citizens tomorrow? How do you pretend youâre okay? That youâre still willing to fight for Darlae? Jungkook advised you to fabricate your experience in Solariaârightfully so. What would your soldiers think of you if they found out you lost your memories of Darlae and regained them haphazardly? What would they think of you if they unveiled your treasonous acts? You helped the Solarian Army, attempted to fight for them. You even brought back a connection with the spirits of fire; you might as well still be one of the Solarians. And youâd love that. But you love being Darlaean, too. Darlae is your homeâyou cannot deny it. You grew up here, finished your prestigious schooling in the 11th city (as well as discovered your penchant for fashion), rolled around in the muddy farmland after spring showers in the 4th, played tea party with Hajin in her summer home in the 6th then went shopping until your feet blistered in the 3rd and 8th cities, skated on the grand Sapphire Lake when it froze over during the coldest winter weeks in the 12th, and met your first true love on a chilly autumn day in the castlegrounds. You made memories with the Darlaeans, your people. You used to touch the hearts of thousands in your army; you used to work tirelessly for themâand your nation too. Darlae was all you ever knew. Until⌠For Soohtâs sake, you donât know. You donât fucking know. You have Darlaean blood coursing through your veins, and yet you speak in Solarian phrases and love their general.Â
YoongiâŚÂ
He canât seem to escape your mind. You miss him so much that it physically hurts. And yet⌠does he wish to curse you? to never know another day of peace in your life? He told you before you marched into that battle with him that he trusts you, and you repaid him by defecting. But is it really defecting if youâre only returning to your birthplace? Is it really defecting if you were once the Darlaean General? You just want to know if he thinks about you as much as you think about him. He doesnât have to miss you. Even if heâs thinking of you with scorn and anger, youâre still in his thoughts; thatâs enough, right? No, that kind of thinking canât be healthyâitâll only hurt you more. So should you try to forget about him now that you will never see him again? But thatâs not true either. Eventually, youâll have to fight against him. Eventually, youâll see him shoot majestic flames from his fingertips. Only this time, you wonât be behind him. Youâll be watching him from the other side.
You donât realize youâve been hyperventilating until your head reels from the lack of oxygen. You try to take calming breaths, but youâre only getting nosefuls of wisteria, white willow, and sage, which would normally be pleasant for your olfactory senses, yet have devolved to become jarring and headache-inducing. Your eyes squeeze shut as you focus on breathing and exhaling deeply. Then thereâs a whoosh of wind, cool night air kissing your cheeks. The force of the wind washes away the disharmonious smells. Thereâs a gentle thud as the familiar friend lands on the edge of your bed. You can see his light, even with your eyes closed. When your eyes open, you finally see him, the phoenix.
Enyx bows his head as if to offer you his condolences. He hops closer to you as you take laborious breaths, still not fully recovered from mental turmoil. He nudges your hand with his head, encouraging you to run your fingers through his feathers. Itâs rare that he allows you to do this, but he must know how much you need him now. You take the offer. His plumage is warm and silky, making your fingers tingle just slightly. You watch the flames of his feathers blaze in the dim moonlight streaming into your open window. The fire reminds you of Solaria. Itâs too much for you to handle. Long-awaited tears pour out of your eyes. Enyx comforts you, nuzzling your hand as you continue to pet him while you sob. For a long time, you canât stop crying. You try not to think too much about who you are and what you should be because youâre afraid every conclusion might lead to letting Solaria go. It takes hours for the tears to run out. You lie in bed, throat dry, nose clogged, staring wearily at the swirling purple canvas on your ceiling. Thereâs a hollow emptiness inside of you, even though Enyx hasnât left your side. Soon, your head grows heavy from stress and overthinking, and your body sinks into the plush mattress. When the line between consciousness and dreamland blurs, you remember that Doyun promised to meet you again, once youâve been âenlightened,â as she put it. The thought puts you at ease, and tension melts from your body. Your eyes close, breaths turning even as you finally allow yourself to be overtaken by slumber.
 When you awake in your dreams, you find yourself in a field of white pansies that stretches on and on to the blue horizon.
âDoyun!â you call. âIâm here!â
Silence.
âDoyun! I need your help. I donât know what to do!â
When youâre met with more silence, you begin to run, trampling over the pansies in desperation. But no matter how far you run, you canât find her, and she wonât come to you. Panting, you fall to the ground, your knees hitting the soft bed of white flowers. âPlease, Doyun⌠I donât know who I am anymoreâŚâ
You hear rustling in the distance, and your head jerks up in hopes of finding your lost friend. Instead, youâre met with the sight of masses of white pansies beginning to wilt. It starts from the horizon, the death of the flowers creeping closer and closer to you. What used to be a beautiful field of snow white flowers morphs into a sea of dead, shriveled-up stems and gray petals. Youâre hyperventilating again.
Youâre still hyperventilating when you awake, sweat having dampened your pillow and hair. You clutch onto your trinket, trying to even your breathing once more. Tears mix with sweat as you sob uncontrollably. Though startled from his slumber, uncharacteristically, Enyx doesnât complain. He places a gentle wing on your shoulder, letting you cry.
You donât understand. How can you lose Doyun, too? She was supposed to guide you. Are you too Darlaean for her now that youâve gained your memories? Is it pointless to mourn over a nation that will no longer welcome you? Have you subconsciously decided who deserves to win the war? Does she despise your decision?Â
You donât know anymore. Once again, youâre forced to deal with loss. But this time, the loss feels permanent. Doyun is gone forever, the traces of her you kept safe in your mind, erased. Youâre unwelcome in Solaria for good, a nation you once swore loyalty to. The kind people there will never think of you the same. And now, youâve lost who you are, too. Youâll never be the same.Â
You recall from a time that feels so long ago, back when you were indubitably and shamelessly Solarian, when Nayoon told you to wait for closure to come, to fake it if you have to, but eventually mend the gap between what you show to others and what you know youâre feeling yourself. Yet youâre afraid youâll never find closure, for every second you fake that youâre okay, youâre committing treason against Darlae. And every second you mend the gap between your mask and your feelings, youâre giving up Solaria.Â
The shame and the guilt is enough to keep you up until the red sun peaks from the horizon, bathing you in early morning sunlight. You feel numb now, the initial shock and grief having eroded, possibly due to exhaustion. Today, you must perform and face the people you have abandoned for three years. As terrible as you feel, you canât afford to mess up. These people count on you, and they canât know that you no longer believe in the cause they are risking their lives fighting for. So youâll put on your most dazzling performance. Itâll take everything in you not to break, but this is only a small price you have to pay for what youâve done to Darlae; you wonât turn your back on your home again, the nation that raised you. Yet, no matter how long you must put up your mask, perform for your soldiers and pretend that everything is okay, you refuse to let go of Solaria. You canât. Solaria is still part of who you are, the nation that found you when you were lost.Â
Youâre still unsure what will become of you, a traitor of both nations, but somehow, thereâs a small fire inside of you that urges you to persevere. Gently, you light a small flame in the palm of your hand, staring at it as it flickers. Red, what a beautiful color. Such a gorgeous emulation of the sun; youâre reminded of Hwayoung and her long search to borrow its flames. She is the embodiment of perseverance, the unyielding mountain in the face of uncertain times. You used to be compared to her back in Solaria, back when you were still searching for your identity, your purpose. The fire keeps you in a trance as the red sun completes its painting in the sky, streaks of yellow, orange and scarlet splashed across the expansive canvas. The sight keeps you calm and douses the flames of your worriesâat least for now. Youâre able to get up from bed, examine your face in the mirror, and begin pampering yourself for the ceremony. When thereâs a knock on the door, no doubt your dear lady-in-waiting, you take a deep breath. You feel a little better than the night before. It doesnât really matter whether you feel perfect. Either way, youâll attend the ceremony, your ceremony, and perform as if nothing is wrong.
Quickly, you dab just a little more powder on your face to seal the cosmetics concealing your eye bags. After another deep breath, you turn your head and call out, âCome in, Jooeun!â
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⨰ a/n: i'm back!!! it's been 9 months, i'm sorry but life got busy and this chapter was not easy to write lol. i hope you enjoyed this and look forward to the ceremony in the next chapter :D
please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!
Summary:Â A series of drabbles featuring each of the seven members, about a moment of connection.
Pairing:Â OT7 x OCÂ (different OCs)
Genre: Humour, fluff, angst, smut
Word count:Â 11.8 K
Rating:Â 18+
Warnings:Â language, making out, oral sex, sex, vague exhibitionism
A/N:Â The day has finally dawned when a new fic arrives. I've decided that with how far the series has come and how difficult it is to find the time to write these days, I want to write more of what I call "capsule fics" - like this one, where every member gets featured and all their drabbles are connected thematically as well. We'll see how it goes :)
This can be read standalone, and can be read for individual members.
Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @confessionsofamarshlily @jiminjhang @xjoonchildx @tarahardcore @infinitehobi @handfullofcandids @whoisbts @jihopesjoint @cuntessaiii @nightappple @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)
Listen to: "space song" by beach house
main masterlist
Seokjin
June (Set a few months after One Down)
Seokjinâs thumb moves of its own accord, and the social media posts blur into each other. It seems pointless, scrolling through his friendsâ and acquaintancesâ lives, especially when his restricted hour to use his phone will come to an end soon.
Despite that realisation, he stays where he is, lying on his side and aimlessly scrolling. It was inconceivable, the first few weeks, that there were people continuing to lead their normal lives while he was here, but itâs less shocking now. His shared room is empty but for him; he should go outside, for itâs a cool evening in the middle of a hot summer. He should go outside, he should get some fresh air, he should mingle with the other soldiers.
But just the thought of it tires him out, so he continues scrolling, lamenting his mind turning to mush. He should get off Instagram, though - as he moves his thumb up to bring his apps tray down, he accidentally clicks on a notification that pops up the same second.
He groans silently as the screen goes dark before a cheery jingle starts playing, the familiar yet annoying sound of Words with Friends opening on his phone. He stares at the screen unblinkingly, waiting for the game to boot up so he can close it. The moment it does, though, the app informs him that a new game is ready to begin, with just the right number of players already there.
Better than Instagram, he decides wryly, and clicks on Start. Six players in total, and he goes fourth. He plays the word silent, frowning slightly as the app dings to signal ten points.
The next player, Player 5 - or Dr. Na, as per their username - uses his L to play library. It gets fifteen points, and Seokjin scoffs.
By the time his turn comes around again, the board is slightly more spread out, and he uses Player 1âs miles to play lonely. Eight points later, Dr. Na plays lament with his L and gets fifteen points again.
Seokjin frowns. It seems like a coincidence but nearly five rounds later, Dr. Na has used at least one of his letters and consistently scored higher than him. He waits for round eight and when his turn comes around, he uses Dr. Naâs Z to play zealot, and scores twenty-five points. With only a handful of options left, Dr. Na is forced to use his T to play truck, scoring twelve points.
In the middle of his dorm, Seokjin grins. Almost immediately, a tiny notification pops up on top of the speech bubble iconÂ
Maybe itâs petty, maybe heâs a sore loser or maybe heâs just tired of talking to other soldiers he lives and trains with, but in a rare move, Kim Seokjin navigates to Dr. Naâs profile and clicks on the tiny speech bubble icon. From the empty profile picture template, he concludes Dr. Na is a woman.
Well played, is all sheâs typed.Â
Seokjin chuckles softly. Learned from the best, he replies.Â
Good thing Iâm not the competitive type.
Or Iâd be in big trouble?
Or Iâd be thinking about this mishap for the rest of the day. And I have a job where distractions are deadly.
Whew, thatâs dramatic, he types, then pauses. But Iâm not judging.
Yeah? What do you do?
He bites his lip. Iâm a chef. And youâre⌠a doctor?
Thatâs your final guess?
Either that or youâre a huge James Bond fan.Â
How did you know???Â
Her reply comes out of nowhere, her surprise mirroring his own. He rolls over onto his stomach, feeling uncharacteristically smug at this seemingly correct guess.
Dr No is the best Bond movie, he informs her, and that is a hill I will die on.
Booo. Itâs ancient.Â
Thatâs part of the charm.Â
One of my friends used to watch Dr No all the time too. He made me watch it so many times I swore Iâd never watch it again.
And yet, itâs your username?
He can sense heâs caught her out; he can see her typing and stopping a couple of times. He looks at his watch and feels a fleeting disappointment; heâll have to hand in his phone soon.
Guilty
But the name works on a few different levels.
But enough about my username
Mine is quite normal
Direct, you mean. You like gimbaps, I assume
In a manner of speaking
Thereâs a pause where Seokjin frowns, his heart skipping an uneven beat.
What did you say you do again?
Me? Iâm a doctor. So you guessed right, I suppose
Do you work at a restaurant I may have eaten at?
I donât know
Iâm actually serving right now
Thereâs that pause again. Seokjinâs thumbs hover over the screen, but when he sees her typing again, he freezes, waiting.
And you like gimbaps?
My friend does.
A bell rings in the distance, startling Seokjin. He needs to return his phone; his heart sinks unexpectedly at the thought.
How are you doing? she asks. You know⌠serving?
Iâm okay. It was hard at first but itâs getting better.
What about you?Â
I mean⌠youâre a doctor, right? How is that?
Tiring
But Iâm trying to eat healthy these days
Thatâs good
I mean, as a chef, I approve
Thanks
Footsteps outside the door, and then a knock. âDinner!â comes the voice. âDeposit your phones in the office on your way!â
I have to go, he types quickly, getting off his bed.
Oh, okay
Take care
You too
Sleep early maybe
You know, since youâre tired and all
Iâll try
But I was thinking Iâll watch Dr No again maybe
Yeah? Thought you hated it
Not that much apparently, comes her reply. It might be fun. You know, for old timeâs sake.
Seokjin stops at his door. The game is forgotten; the multiple pings coming from the other players have been muted in favour of this impromptu conversation. Staring at his screen, he types in one last reply.
Have a gimbap for me
Without waiting for a response, he turns his phone off and steps out of the dorm.
â
Yoongi
March; Set during Pretty Girls
Yoongi canât feel anything; not his hands, not the cool air of the air conditioner, not the sofa in his studio. Or maybe he can feel everything - so much so that his nerve endings have lost all sensation, and itâs just Miso on his lap, her hands, her lips, her hips under his palms and the feel of her sighs against his skin.
Coming back to his studio had been a long time coming. After all the events of the day, after a painful couple of hours when sheâd had to go back to Donghyukâs studio and work, sheâd returned. The energy was different this time around, though; despite spending all day together, it felt like the first time they were alone.
The small talk had been negligible, hardly even a formality. Yoongi hadnât been able to resist pulling her in for a kiss and it seemed as though Miso had been waiting for a sign from him, for sheâd begun unbuttoning her blouse instantly.
Yoongi had taken the initiative this time. Kneeling on the floor while she sat on the sofa, situated between her legs, heâd worshipped her. His brain was on autopilot by this point; the desire to see her pleasured, to see her with her guard down and show him how he made her feel was driving him as he gripped her thighs where they rested on his shoulders.
His intention had been to return the favour from earlier in the day when sheâd sucked him off in the woods. But once sheâd finished (moaning, sighing, wet in his mouth), sheâd finally opened her eyes to face him, gaze shaky and cheeks flushed. Sheâd kissed him and steered him onto the sofa, one hand snaking down to his crotch and seemingly confirming something. With a hint of a smirk, sheâd tugged his jeans down and straddled him.
Their breathing is in sync now, gasps of varying pitch and clothing scattered around his studio.
âIâm so close,â she whispers, her voice unlike anything heâs ever heard. Her fingernails dig into his shoulders as she increases the pace of her hips, and Yoongi nods in response, pulling her to him as close as he can, groaning as he feels her wetness coat his cock. He reaches up her pale, slender body with one hand, memorising the scent of her skin, the softness of her small breasts and the sensation of her lips brushing against his as she fucks him into the sofa.
Yoongi finishes seconds before her; their sighs of ecstasy mingle as he spills into the condom theyâd belatedly remembered. Miso drops her head onto his shoulder and he presses a kiss to the side of her neck, breathing in deeply.
She pulls away after a few seconds. Her choppy hair is tousled and her lips are swollen, but she looks more exhilarated than heâs ever seen her. There are words on the tip of Yoongiâs tongue that threaten to spill out, but he senses itâs not the time.
âYouâve been holding out on me, Min Suga,â she says, her mouth tilting upwards slightly.Â
He grins and leans forward to capture her lips in a short kiss. âJust being a patient man, my love,â he murmurs, squeezing her waist before dropping his hands to his sides.
Misoâs eyes flicker briefly before she chuckles and clambers off him. They get dressed and clean up in comfortable silence; Yoongi watches her out of the corner of his eye, relieved when she doesnât seem to regret their tryst at all.
âAre you releasing any more music soon?â she asks after a while, when theyâre seated at his desk. Sheâs wrapped in the jacket heâd been wearing all day; she hadnât asked and he was glad for that.
âI donât think so,â he admits, clicking on a sound byte so a low, thumping sound fills the studio. âThereâs just no time. Not with the tour and everyone elseâs music.â
âYou can always release it unofficially.â
âYeah, thatâll go over great with the rest of the team. Maybe after Iâve enlisted,â he suggests wryly, âwhen they canât do anything about it.â
She nods, leaning forward when her phone buzzes. âUgh, itâs Donghyuk,â she mutters. Itâs the third time heâs seen this reaction at the mention of her lead producer, and Yoongi takes it as confirmation that she and Donghyuk are friends.
âYeoboseyo?â she says into the phone, sighing slightly. âMhm. Yeah, no, Iâll do it tonight. Sure. Oh, I donât -â She stops abruptly as her eyes widen, before she sighs. âHeâs singing,â she whispers to Yoongi, who canât help but snort at the thought.
Miso puts the call on speaker and places her phone on the desk. The studio is now filled with the scratchy sound of a half-arranged instrumental and Donghyuk humming unintelligibly over it, complete with some rudimentary beatboxing.
Yoongi canât help it; he covers his mouth with his hands to stifle his laughter. He leans forward and mutes the mic, turning to see Miso rolling her eyes but laughing as well.
âHeâs a really good producer,â says Yoongi clearly, âbut thereâs a reason he, Namjoon and I were always at the bottom every month when we were trainees. Itâs a good melody, though,â he admits, just as Donghyukâs solo comes to an end.
âWhat do you think?â he asks over the phone.
Miso unmutes the mic, her hand snapping up to cover Yoongiâs mouth as he begins to laugh again. âItâs good,â she says. âSounds a little too old school EXO to me, though. Not sure itâs the kind of sound they were looking for in the brief.â
âAh, well. We can edit out some of the ad libs,â he agrees, the sound of a keyboard in the background. Yoongi nods emphatically and mouths no kidding, prompting Miso to slap his leg lightly.
âAnyway -â She clears her throat. âSend me the file. Iâll try to work on it tonight.â
âYouâre still in the studio? I thought you wouldâve left by now.â
Miso catches Yoongiâs eye for a moment. âUh, yeah, Iâm still here. Just taking a break right now.â
âRight.â Thereâs a pause -Â a knowing, suspicious pause. âWith Yoongi?â
Yoongi raises his eyebrows and he can visibly see Misoâs hackles rise. âUm⌠I mean, heâs here, too. In the studio. In the building. Why?â
âNo reason,â he says nonchalantly. âJust that itâs clear you have a thing for him and I know heâs single, so -â
Donghyukâs gleeful confession gets cut short abruptly when Miso grabs her phone and turns off the speaker, pressing the phone to her ear and instantly getting to her feet.
âAnything else you need?â she says loudly into her phone, facing away from Yoongi. âNo? Yes, I will. Definitely. Goodbye, Donghyuk.â Swearing softly, she hangs up before gingerly making her way back to the desk.
Yoongi turns to his monitor as she nears him, quietly sinking back into her seat. He continues doing what he was doing when Donghyuk called, calmly moving files into the shared drive he was managing.Â
âEverything okay?â he asks, not taking his eyes off the screen.
âTotally,â she replies, her voice betraying nothing. âWhy wouldnât it be?â
Itâs almost challenging, her tone. He turns to her blankly, raising his eyebrows. âOkay,â he says, turning back to the screen and clenching his jaw so his face doesnât move against his will.
âShut up, Yoongi,â she mutters, and Yoongi breaks. Turning to her again, he sees, for the first time, Kang Miso blushing. Grinning with his heart full, he twists his torso to face her and, hooking his hand underneath the seat of her chair, he tugs her to him.
âIâm totally single, by the way,â he confirms, leaning forward towards her.
âYeah, no kidding,â she says, rolling her eyes - but they have a rare twinkle. Clutching the collar of his t-shirt mock-angrily, she accepts his kiss.
â
Jungkook
Set the morning after The Sixth
Itâs a beautiful morning. The sun is out, warm but not hot; the breeze is calm and comforting; the view of the Han is picturesque and as he pours himself a coffee, Jungkook feels like he could skip. Itâs a beautiful morning.
He steps onto his balcony looking over the city, steam rising gently from the ceramic cup. Heâs still in pajamas but hasnât bothered to put on a t-shirt, armed with the confidence that he is simply too high up to be photographed by paparazzi.Â
Also, itâs tough to care about paparazzi on what is, genuinely, a beautiful morning.
He enjoys it for a few minutes, quietly sipping his coffee. Heâd like to be here for a lot longer, but a shrill sound breaks through the calm and he cringes, dashing back into the kitchen to pick up his phone where heâd left it on the counter. Glancing at the screen, he rolls his eyes as he answers the call.
âJimin hyung,â he says. âWhatâs up? How come youâre up so early?â
âI could ask you the same thing,â comes Jiminâs reply.Â
âI fell asleep early last night,â says Jungkook evenly, making his way back to the balcony. âI, uh⌠I was tired.â Without meaning to, he feels his face break out into a grin. âItâs nice to be up in the morning, though. The sky is all blue and clear. Oh, and you can hear birds chirping.â
âBirds?â
âYes. You may want to try it sometime, hyung.â
Jimin evidently ignores this. âAnd why arenât you responding to my texts?â he demands.
Texts? Jungkook brings the phone away and swipes over to WhatsApp, grimacing when he sees the several dozen messages from various people heâs yet to respond to.Â
âSorry, hyung,â he mutters. âDidnât end up checking my phone. Whatâs - wait, why are you up so early?â
Thereâs a moment where Jimin pauses. âI had a meeting. Listen, are you busy today?â
âUhâŚâ Jungkook glances back in the direction of his bedroom. âI donât know. I might be. Why?â
âDo you want to go to dinner? I really want to try that new sushi bar thatâs come up in Gangnam. Do you want to go?â
âOh.â Jungkook frowns, mentally going through his entire calendar. âNot sure. Is it a work thing? Or just you and me?â
âNot just you and me,â corrects Jimin. âSungwoon will be there, probably Hoseok hyung as well.âÂ
Thereâs something that makes it sound like thereâs more to that sentence. âAnyone else?â
âWell, Dilara is here, too,â says Jimin quickly. âSheâs got a race this weekend so sheâs here todayâŚâ
âRight.â Jungkook exhales silently, pressing his tongue into his chin. He needs to be rational about this, he thinks to himself, even as an old, feeble sinking feeling creeps into his stomach.
He hears a sound and turns, his heart skipping a beat when he spots Lia with the coffee mug heâd left outside for her, pouring the coffee heâd made. Sheâs wearing what looks like the oversized t-shirt heâd had on last night, a light grey one that reaches all the way down to the middle of her thighs. Her hair is tousled and splayed messily down her shoulders and itâs a few seconds before he realises Jimin has resumed speaking.
âHey - hey, listen -â Jungkook lowers his voice and cups his hand over the receiver. âI have to go. Iâll call you later.â Without waiting for a response, he hangs up.
He turns back around to his original position, listening intently for the moment Lia pads onto the balcony, running a hand through her long hair.
âMorning,â she says, joining him by the railing, a footâs distance between them.Â
âMorning,â he replies. âSleep well?â He nods as she hums, and notices her gaze flicker to his arms and torso and bites his lip, satisfied.
âHell of a view,â she says, but he canât tell if sheâs referring to the city. She tugs absently at the wide collar of the t-shirt and the tattoo at the nape of her neck is momentarily visible.Â
âYou get used to it. Actually, no, you donât,â he amends after a moment. âDunno why I said that.â
âThanks for the coffee.â Lia takes a sip and sighs softly. Jungkook gets the distinct feeling that she may be in the same space that he is - awake, comfortable, hopeful - and it makes him glad. âWow. This is Seoul.â
He follows her gaze at the expanse of the city. âWell, part of it.â
âWell, obviously.â They exchange shy smiles.Â
âSo,â she begins after a few moments, turning around and leaning back against the railing, âwhat does Jeon Jungkook do on his weekends?â
âOh.â A little thrown by this question, he hums, gripping the railing and leaning backwards until the veins in his forearms pop. âNot a lot, actually. He usually works if he has to, or he catches up on, like⌠laundry and stuff. In fact, there are whole weekends where Jeon Jungkook doesnât even leave his house.â
Lia raises her eyebrows, but he can tell sheâs amused. The soft rays of the sun fall on her face as she looks past him and out at the city, and Jungkook wants to pinch himself. It actually worked. Weeks of respectful distance, letting her take the lead, taking on her challenge and winning that final date with her - it all actually worked.
âAny plans for the weekend?â
âUm -â He realises heâs staring and looks away, tossing his bangs out of his eyes. âDepends. Are you free?â
She smiles. âMaybe? Thereâs a chance I have to go visit a couple of friends. They just had a baby,â she adds by way of explanation. âSo. Not sure.â
âAnd apparently parents of babies get tired, too.â
âGo figure.â She grins. âIâll let you know how it goes,â she promises, placing her empty cup on the balcony table and stretching. âDo you mind if I take a shower?â
Jungkook shakes his head, watching her as she squeezes his hand and heads inside, her long hair straight and messy down her shoulders. Iâll let you know how it goes. Despite his attempts at staying cool, the words make his stomach leap. He gathers both their cups and goes back into the kitchen, when he remembers something.
Fishing out his phone, he scrolls to his chat with Jimin. He was right; there are nearly ten messages from his friend heâs yet to reply to, the last one being from just a few minutes ago.Â
Jimin [09:45]
so will you come??
tell meeeeeeee
JUNGKOOK
Jimin [09:50]
itâs been a long time jungkook
Jungkook stares at the screen, trying to ignore the tiny trickle of guilt creeping into his heart. Just then, he hears the shower turn on in his en suite, and it disappears.
Jungkook [09:57]
Maybe another time. Sorry.
â
Hoseok
April; Set shortly after Pretty Girls
Hoseok leans back on the recliner and sighs hugely, stretching his shoulders before placing his hands behind his head. âYou think if you move here, theyâll let you keep this apartment?â he asks, pressing his back into the plush fabric.
Chanyeol clicks his tongue, nudging him with a beer can and handing it to him, crossing Hoseok to sit on the beanbag. âI have to move here first. But the traffic here is just too much,â he adds critically.
âPlease, you live in Busan. How is that better?â
âBusan isnât as bad as Seoul,â pipes up Jimin, sounding a bit defensive as he takes a beer as well from Chanyeol. Heâd tagged along after filming since Sooah had to work late, and he and Hoseok had come over to Chanyeolâs company accommodation while he stayed in Seoul on a two week assignment.
âIâd move here if Hayoung can, too,â says Chanyeol fairly, comfortably chugging down a quart of his beer.
âDo it,â instructs Hoseok. âPlus the train system makes going home a lot easier from Seoul than Busan.â
Chanyeol snorts. âWhen was the last time you took a train anywhere?â
Hoseokâs jaw drops exaggeratedly while Jimin laughs. âNo train can compare to hyungâs Porsche,â he adds, reaching over from his place on the floor and patting Hoseokâs knee.
âThatâs what Iâm saying.â
âMake fun now, but someone needs a quick ride with the multiple aux outlet and charging point and suddenly Iâm everyoneâs best friend,â mutters Hoseok.
âWeâre just teasing, hyung.â
âWell, partly,â chortles Chanyeol. âBut coming back - moving to Seoul isnât on the cards any time soon. Like, Iâd probably think about it if⌠hang on -â
Hoseok frowns as Chanyeol leans forward, peering at something.
âIs that a hickey?âÂ
He tugs at Hoseokâs collar and Hoseok jerks back.
âNo, itâs not,â he says hastily, fixing his collar as Chanyeol resumes his seat, giving him an approving nod. Except it is, he thinks; naturally, the concealer the make-up team had applied for the shoot has come off. He pulls his collar away slightly to see beige streaks on the dark cotton and silently groans.
âSo much for not having time to date because of your busy schedule,â says Chanyeol, grinning.
âIâm not dating anyone,â says Hoseok forcefully, panicking slightly now and meeting Jiminâs eyes, whoâs pursing his lips and looking into the bottom of his can. âI actually donât have the time.â
âAh, well.â Chanyeol shrugs. âLooks like youâre having fun, though. Itâs not a bad thing,â he adds when Hoseok rolls his eyes. âAs long as youâre both on the same page.â
Are we ever. Itâs incredibly ironic, for as far as heâs concerned, Chaeyoung is his girlfriend in everything but name. Aside from the fact that neither of them have ever used that word, Hoseok canât think of any other term he can ascribe to her.
But right now, even thinking about it in Chanyeolâs presence makes him sweat. For the first time in nearly two decades, Hoseok canât predict how his best friend would react to something. Itâs a strange sort of handicap, especially when it involves a clandestine relationship with his little sister.
âWeâre⌠yeah, weâre - weâre in the same place, pretty much,â he explains pathetically. âItâs⌠itâs going good.â
âThatâs good,â says Chanyeol, sounding as though he means it. âYou can bring her to drinks or something tomorrow night, before I leave. If you want.â
âOh, thatâs - thatâs not a good idea,â says Hoseok immediately, shaking his head.
âWhy not?â
He gapes and turns to Jimin, in a desperate and silent plea for help. Jiminâs eyes widen and he purses his lips again so his amused expression disappears.
âYeah, I donât think theyâre that serious,â says Jimin, sounding surprisingly convincing. âI mean, I havenât met her either,â he adds, as though he hadnât brought Chaeyoung a boxful of ready-to-eat couscous from his trip to Los Angeles last month.
âOh.â Chanyeol nods slowly. âOkay. Is it like a - what is it called now? A situationship?â
âSomething like that.â Except Iâm in love with her. Iâm in love with your little sister and sheâs the best part of my day and even though itâs a huge betrayal I canât help it and I just know if I look you in the eye too long youâll figure it out. That Iâm in love with your sister. And that she probably loves me, too, even though she hasnât actually said it yet.
Hoseok swallows, reining in the word vomit. He places his beer on the floor; there is no scope to risk that kind of liability right now.
âInteresting. Oh, you know who else is in a situationship kind of thing?â Chanyeol says suddenly, making a face. âMy sister.â
Jimin places a hand over his mouth, and Hoseok can see his cheeks lift from where heâs sitting. He aims a kick at the younger memberâs foot, glaring at him to be cool.
âShe - really?â Hoseok clears this throat. âShe told you that?â
âOh, no, no.â Chanyeol gives a hollow laugh. âWhen I met her for lunch yesterday, her bag accidentally fell open and I had the great fortune of spotting a box of birth control pills.â He grimaces. âI couldâve gone the rest of my life without seeing that. Although, I suppose I should be glad sheâs taking precautions,â he mutters grudgingly, taking another deep swig of beer.
In literally any other situation, Hoseok wouldâve guffawed at the stricken expression on Chanyeolâs face. But nothing about this is funny - not to him, at least, for Jimin seems to be enjoying it greatly.
âDo you have a sister, Jimin?â Chanyeol asks.
âOh, no. A younger brother,â he replies, emerging from his beer with a carefully set straight face. âWouldâve been nice to have a sister, though.â
Both Hoseok and Chanyeol jokingly grimace in unison, before the latter sighs. âItâs not bad having a sister,â he allows, âand Chae is⌠sheâs a good girl. Too good, in fact, which is why Iâm not too comfortable about this situationship thing in her life.â
Jimin nods seriously - too dramatically, in Hoseokâs opinion. âCome on,â he ventures, hoping he sounds nonchalant. âSheâs not a kid anymore. Let her live a little.â
âIâm not stopping her,â points out Chanyeol, shrugging. âBut she refused to talk about it, which isnât like her. And, really, what do we even know about this hooligan?â
Hoseok chokes. âHooligan?â
âI donât know! She did live near Hongdae for a while, remember?â Chanyeol exclaims, leaning forward. âWith that weird girl she went to college with?â
âOh.â Memories return to Hoseok, of Sunmi, Ice and a neighbourhood out of an indie gang film. âYeah, that was a shithole,â he agrees, shuddering. âIt took me a decent bit of effort to get her to move away from there and with Sooah.â
âShe and Sooah get along well,â says Jimin encouragingly. âSooahâs apartment is a lot more leafy now and theyâve started having mimosa nights on Fridays where no one else is apparently invited,â he adds cheerfully.
Hoseok suppresses a smile, knowing this was Chaeyoungâs attempt at reclaiming her friendship with Sooah. Jimin had been sporting enough on the surface but there were a reasonable number of Fridays when Hoseok had received a message out of the blue saying wanna hang with varying degrees of desperation.
âOh, thatâs right,â says Chanyeol. âSooah is your girlfriend, right?â
âYeah,â answers Jimin proudly. âWeâve been together since high school. Kind of,â he amends when Hoseok gives him a look.
âDo you think sheâll know who this guy is, thatâs macking all over my sister?â he asks, sounding a bit disgruntled. âIf they live together and all.â
Jimin grins, while Hoseok closes his eyes and wishes for the ground to swallow him up. âI can ask her,â he says diplomatically.
âDo you even have to?â Hoseok jumps in. âI mean⌠doesnât she deserve her privacy?â
âIâm not trying to invade her privacy,â argues Chanyeol, sounding affronted. âBut sheâs young and trusting and the least I should do as her brother is make sure sheâs not being played by some guy looking for a little fun.â
âI donât think -â Hoseok begins weakly, but Jimin beats him to it.
âHoseok hyung is pretty close with her these days,â he interrupts, ignoring Hoseokâs bewilderment at this random turn of conversation. âIâm just saying - I think he looks out for her a fair bit.â
âOf course he does; Iâm his best friend,â says Chanyeol easily, making Hoseokâs stomach roll uncomfortably. âChae is like family to him. But Jiminâs got a point,â he adds, leaning forward and nudging Hoseokâs knee. âDo you think you can find out more about this guy?â
âThereâs an idea!â Jimin crows, looking thrilled.Â
Hoseok shoots a glare at Jimin before turning to Chanyeol. âI mean, I - I can try. I dunno,â he mutters, shrugging. âShe probably wonât tell me anything.â
Chanyeol sighs and sits back. âFine. Just - just make sure sheâs okay? That sheâs not being taken advantage of or something?â
Hoseok bites his lip; he recognises this tone, this specific tone thatâs reserved for when Chanyeol reverts to the young boy making up for a lack of a mother and a father who didnât pay much attention to his daughter.Â
âI donât think you need to worry, hyung,â says Jimin, sounding the most sober he has all evening. âFrom what I know, this guy sounds like a decent person. And seems to like her quite a bit.â
He throws a casual glance at Hoseok, which Hoseok returns with a grateful nod of his own before changing the topic.Â
About an hour later, Hoseok returns to his apartment. Heâs barely taken off his shoes when his phone buzzes.
Chae [21:15]
Work took forEVER :((
Be there in 10
An involuntary smile creeps up his face and he replies with a string of heart emojis. He leaves the door unlocked and heads in for a shower, the dayâs tiredness already threatening to get the best of him.
When heâs clean and fresh again, the en suite drowning in a cloud of steam, Hoseok towel dries his hair and heads out of his bedroom to the inviting scent of ramen. Following it to the kitchen, he sees Chaeyoung, barefoot and still in her work clothes with the Louis Vuitton hoodie heâd left on the sofa earlier today.
âYour apartment is too cold,â she complains when she turns around and spots him making his way to the kitchen. âAnd this is the softest hoodie Iâve ever worn,â she adds with a sheepish smile as he enters.
âKeep it,â he offers, reaching her and placing his hands on her shoulders to peer over her. âYouâre cooking?â
âWell, Iâm mixing,â she admits, pointing to the instant ramen packet next to the stove. âBut I added bok choy and some minced lamb you had in the fridge, plus an egg for the end so in a way, yeah, Iâm cooking.â She flashes him a proud smile and Hoseokâs heart skips a beat.
âCome here,â he murmurs, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she continues stirring. He buries his nose in her hair and inhales the flowery scent, closing his eyes and exhaling, his shoulders relaxing for the first time all day.
They stay there in comfortable silence for a bit, the only sound being the soft bubbling of the soup and the occasional metallic clang of the spatula with the pot.
âHow was your day?â Chaeyoung asks after a minute.Â
âFine.â He watches the ramen for a few seconds, the lamb turning a nice brown. âHad rehearsal, then filming and then hung out with Jimin⌠and Chan.â
Chaeyoung hums, but her slender frame tenses slightly. âHow was that?â
âWellâŚâ Hoseok sighs and steps away, waiting until she glances back at him. âHe saw your handiwork,â he says, pulling his collar away from his neck.
Chaeyoung gasps, one hand covering her mouth. âOh, my God,â she exclaims, half-laughing. âWhat did you tell him?â
âOh, I evaded. You know, with Jiminâs help,â he answers, rolling his eyes. âAnd on a completely unrelated note, he said you are in some kind of a thing with some guy, too.â
âOh, really?â Chaeyoung raises her eyebrows, looking angelic and doe-eyed. âHe did?â
âHe did,â confirms Hoseok. âIn fact, heâs asked me to find out more about this mystery guy and report back to him. It took every bit of my strength to be normal.â
âBut -â She frowns. âYou suck at being normal.â
âWow, thanks.â
âOh, you know what I mean,â she says immediately, turning to switch off the stove before facing him again. âYou get all flustered and stammer-y when youâre taken off guard - anyone can see right through you.â
âThis feels great.â
Chaeyoung laughs and tugs at his hands, ignoring his sarcastic âno, please, continueâs and reaches up to kiss him on the cheek. âBut Iâm very impressed that you were normal,â she says finally. âIt couldnât have been easy, especially with my brother.â
Hoseok shakes his head. âIt wasnât. Heâs one person who actually can see right through me.â
She bites her lip and frowns slightly. âYou knowâŚâ She begins, swinging his hands absently, âyou can always⌠tell him. I mean, I know it wonât be easy and itâll be messy butâŚâ Chaeyoung shrugs and looks at their hands. âIt may not be the worst thing.â
âIt wouldnât be the worst thing,â he agrees, âbut it might be close. At least for now. This is new and he wonât be expecting it⌠I mean, how do I just call him and tell him that his little sister, who I was an ass to for years, is my -âÂ
He breaks off abruptly, his heart thudding when she narrows her eyes slightly, almost amused. You get all flustered when youâre taken off guard. He canât help but agree with her, and it seems as though sheâs thinking the same thing.
âMy⌠reasoning for waking up in the morning,â he finishes, glad to hear his voice is at least steady.
Chaeyoung nods, apparently impressed. âYeah, I guess that would be a bit out of the blue,â she agrees, shrugging. âAnd I kind of like this. That itâs just ours for now,â she murmurs, tilting her head up.
Hoseok reaches forward and kisses the tip of her nose. âI get that. Plus, your brother has started really hitting the gym recently so heâs kind of, you know -â He curls his arms and hunches his back â- jacked, so Iâd really like to time it correctly so I donât face any damage.â
She laughs. âHeâs not like that. He knows Iâm an adult, you know.â
âThink of it as self-preservation.â
âHe knows I dated in college, so youâre not my first -â
Hoseok raises his eyebrows, something flipping in his stomach as her cheeks fill up with the lightest tinge of pink.
â- guy that I⌠cook for and spend the night with.â She winces and looks away as Hoseok snickers, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him.
âLetâs wait it out,â he concludes, inhaling the scent of her hair again.
âLetâs wait it out.â Chaeyoung hugs him back. âYouâll have to suffer through more days like today, though,â she adds, chuckling.â
Hoseok clicks his tongue dismissively. âI donât care,â he states, tightening his hold around her. âIâm happy.â
â
Jimin
April; Set shortly after Pretty Girls
Jimin enters the apartment with a bang - literally, wincing as the door closes with a loud thud.
âDude!â Sooahâs voice comes from somewhere behind the coffee table. âCareful!â
âHoseok hyung ditched me,â complains Jimin, falling on the sofa dramatically. âAnd now Iâm all alone.â
âNone taken.â
Jimin frowns and leans across the sofa to see Sooah in tights and a sports bra, stretching on a yoga mat. Her hair is pulled back into an aesthetically messy ponytail, with a headband keeping her bangs out of her face. She looks like a dream and suddenly, Hoseok going back home doesnât seem like a big deal.
âDidnât go to yoga class today?â he asks, getting up and walking over to where sheâs deep in a downward dog position.Â
âNo, I got too late,â she mutters, sounding disappointed. âBut I knew Iâd feel guilty if I didnât work out at all today, so -â She finishes her sentence by raising her leg into a graceful arabesque behind her.
âTurn your leg out a bit,â instructs Jimin. âItâll help work your glutes as well.â
âI am turning it out.â
âNo, youâre not. Wait -â He hops around behind her and wraps his fingers around her lower calf, slowly turning her leg out. âAll the way from your hip, come on.â One hand trails down her leg and stops inside her thigh, gently squeezing it before helping her twist it.
Sooah chuckles. âSubtle, Chim.â
âI donât know what you mean. Iâm just helping you stretch,â he says innocently, stepping forward so heâs standing between her legs, his hips brushing against her crotch.
âTotally. Thatâs all youâre helping me - ow, Chim, thatâs too high!âÂ
Jimin jerks back just in time to avoid her leg as it comes down in a flash. She kneels on the mat and turns to face him with a scowl.Â
âSeriously?â
âSeriously what?â He whines, joining her on the mat and lying down, pulling her down with him. âIâve missed you,â he mutters, squeezing her waist and nuzzling her neck.
Sooah sighs as he throws a leg over her hips. âI missed you, too, sweetie. You know, since⌠yesterday.â
âToo long,â he says, hearing his voice muffled.
âFair enough.â She pats his hand. âWhat happened?â
âYou smell nice,â he says instead.
She scoffs. âIâm sweating, you weirdo,â she retorts, pushing him away slightly so sheâs facing him. âSeriously, whatâs wrong?â
âNothingâs wrong,â he begins, sighing hugely. âHoseok hyung had to lie his way out of admitting to Chaeyoung's brother that theyâre banging and while it did seem like he was pretty close to passing out, I guess it was kind ofâŚâ He squeezes his eyes shut to think of the word and opens them to see Sooahâs face inches away from his own, propped up on her elbow.
âKind ofâŚâ She prompts, raising her eyebrows.
âKind of cute,â he finishes, turning on his side to mirror her position. âTheyâre new to dating and theyâre hiding it and everythingâŚâ Jimin trails off, suddenly aware that heâs pouting.
âChim,â says Sooah, tugging at the strings of his hoodie, âare you asking me, in a very roundabout way, if our relationship is still exciting?â
âNo! No, no, no, no, no -â Jimin breaks off, feeling the heat creep up his face and leans forward, nudging her on her back and rolling on top of her. âI know our relationship is still exciting. Iâm dating Kim Sooah,â he informs her.
She flicks his temple, chuckling fondly. âYeah, but weâre not hiding our relationship from anyone. Except, you know, the world.â
âI donât want to hide it from anyone,â he declares. âIâll tell everyone - Iâll put it up on Instagram right now. Donât doubt me, Kim Sooah.â
âNever, Park Jimin.â She pats his shoulder. âAlright, get up. I have to go shower.â
âNo.â
âNo?â
âNo, just stay here,â he whines again, letting his arms buckle and collapsing on top of her. âTell me you think our relationship is still exciting,â he demands, trying to keep a straight face over Sooahâs laughter.
âGod, Chim - Iâm under you!â she exclaims, half-giggling. âGet off!â
âNot until you say it. Say it, say it, say it - whoops, deadweight -â
âYouâre crushing me -â Her hands go down to his torso and her fingers find their way under his t-shirt.
âFirst you have to - no!â He laughs involuntarily, half-shrieking as she tickles up until he rolls off her onto the yoga mat. âThatâs cheating!â
âDeadweight is cheating,â she counters, getting to her feet and ruffling his hair before heading into the bathroom. When she returns twenty minutes later, she walks into the living room and halts. âSeriously?â
Jimin tilts his head back in the cobra pose. âStretching just looked so good,â he admits sheepishly. He moves into a pigeon pose, one on each side while she heads into the kitchen and comes back with a bottle of cold water. Finishing up with a nice hamstring stretch, Jimin stands up and joins her on the sofa.
âHi,â he says, placing an arm around her shoulders.
âHi,â she replies, smiling up and leaning into him. âWhatâs up?â
âNot much. Just had a long day. Or I didnât, actually,â he says a moment later. âBut Iâm still tired. Dunno why.â
Sooah frowns as he speaks, squeezing his thigh affectionately. âHave you eaten today?â
âYeah, some. Had some sushi earlier today. And then a slice of pizza at Chanyeol hyungâs.â He pulls her in a bit closer and rests his chin on the top of her head. âI donât know. Just one of those days, I guess.â
âYeah.â She traces random patterns on his thigh for a few seconds, both of them just drinking in each otherâs company in silence. âYou know what might make you feel better?â she asks after a moment.
âWhatâs that?â
She pulls away slightly so she can look up at him. âI was thinking about it today, anyway⌠and it might take your mind off everything,â she adds, raising her eyebrows and shifting so sheâs sitting on her knees.
Jimin frowns as she presses a light kiss to his lips. âIâd love to⌠but Iâm honestly really tired.â
âOh, I know.â She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. âDonât worry, you wonât have to do any of the work. You just need to sit back,â she says, standing up and gently pushing him back against the sofa, âand relax.â
Fifteen minutes later, Jimin sits back on the sofa, his head resting against the back of it with his eyes closed.
âGod, you were right,â he murmurs. âThis is actually so relaxing.â
âI know, right?âÂ
He feels her reach over and straighten the edge of his face mask, soft and fragrant against his skin. The cucumber slices feel light and cool on his eyes and he brings the glass to his face, searching for the straw and sipping the fruity mimosa.
âSooah,â he says, hearing her hum. He searches for her hand on the sofa and slips his fingers into us. âYou know youâre the most exciting person I know, right?â
She chuckles softly, sounding just as cosy and comfortable as he feels. âYeah, skincare nights really get that adrenaline going.â
âTotally,â he jokes back, bringing her hand to his mouth and kissing it. âBest kind of night.â
â
Taehyung
April; Set a month after Sheâs In The Rain
The day is young, and the air is ripe with hope, potential and expectation. Up ahead, the track clears as mechanics, team principals and the press drift away, leaving the path ahead long and winding, with nothing but sixty odd laps between her and P1. Anything can happen.Â
Her brows furrow slightly. She knows the track and sheâs raced hundred of laps around it; she knows what itâs capable of. Itâs given her mostly good races, but at the core of its design, the potential is rife for chaos.
Bang.
The door is thrown open with force and kicked close as they stumble into the room. Their lips donât leave each otherâs, only passion and reckless abandon driving their movements. Taehyung pushes her back against the wall, swallowing her gasp, tightening his hands on her hips as she pulls at his sweater.
âAre we still fighting?â he asks against her lips. Their hands are everywhere - only part of his brain can even focus on the words heâs saying. âBecause we should - probably - talk about it,â he says, punctuating every word with a kiss to her skin and helping her take off her long-sleeved t-shirt.
âForget it,â she murmurs, kissing him back, her chest pressing against his. âI canât even remember what we were fighting about,â she says, sighing when he nips at her lower lip and tugging at his sweater again. âTake this off.â
They stagger further into the room of their BnB, hands everywhere and articles of clothing being discarded at every step. The Scotland rain outside comes down in sheets, white and thick, the sound deafening. Their room is warm in comparison, dimly lit with just the fireplace going, the huge bed taking up most of the space on the wooden floor.Â
The speed is⌠fast. Sheâs like the wind; she feels one with the wind, until another car appears in her side mirror and she knows she has to buck up. Push, they tell her on the radio, and she tries. But other drivers know to push as well and she knows she has to try something different. Maybe with the tyres, or even a surprise pit stop. She needs to be in control.
Taehyung feels himself hard against her waist, her fingernails scraping against his scalp before they snake down his bare torso, her hands on every inch of skin. She nips at his lower lip and his grip on her hips tightens, before he wraps one hand around her thigh and lifts her off the ground. Her sound of surprise is so arousing; she tightens her arms around his neck as he brings them to the bed, lowering her onto it when she pulls away and stops him.
âOne second,â she mutters, panting and swinging her legs off the side of the bed. Taehyung frowns in confusion as she pulls open the drawer on her bedside table and retrieves something before tossing it to him without warning. He catches it without difficulty, though, noting how glassy her eyes already are, her nipples erect and her lean, tan midriff the colour of honey.
He wants to devour her. He wants to worship her till the end of time and itâs only when she raises her eyebrows and tilts her chin at the object that he looks down to see his Polaroid, the one sheâd gifted him years ago. Taehyung meets her eyes, silently confirming if sheâs asking him what he thinks sheâs asking. In answer, Dilara tosses her long curls off her shoulder and holds his gaze, eyes blazing.
He stares at her for a moment before raising the camera. Click. He doesnât wait to check the picture thatâs come out; letting it fall to the floor, he walks over to her to kiss her again, one hand still holding the camera. He lets himself be steered onto the edge of the bed where he sits and Dilara goes down on her knees. The moment her lips touch his cock, his breathing stutters and his eyes flutter shut. Snaking one hand down into her thick hair, he looks down to see her eyes on him as she sucks him off.
Click.
Cars are speeding around the track now. She can see them through the slit in her visor, across the misshapen circuit, most of them behind her. The competition is at its peak now and everyone is racing to win. Rainclouds appear in the sky and thereâs a moment of panic, but she powers through. She makes split decision after decision, choosing to change her tyres, choosing to come into the pit at a risky moment, but committing to each at every point.Â
Itâs exhilarating. Every rainy lap is closer to the finish line, closer to a win, closer to the art of racing in the rain. Even the spray clouding her vision from the only car in front of her is a challenge, brings her closer to the car and to the sport sheâs given everything to.
The rain lashes outside, so loud that Dilaraâs sounds almost get lost in the din. The bed and floor are littered with pictures, all in different stages of development, but Taehyung hasnât stopped to look at a single one. Her back is beautiful, curving before him with long locks of hair flowing down them. He holds her hips as he moves, his grunts and her whimpers in sync, so messy, so transcendent.
Click.
The camera whines as another picture comes out, but he ignores it as she crawls forward and turns to lie on her back. She beckons to him, her neck and chest glowing with a thin sheen of sweat, her breathing rapid. Taehyung lowers himself to kiss her, their naked bodies flush against each other as he slides into her again, wet and warm, and she moans into his mouth.
âFaster,â she whispers against his mouth, lifting her hips off the bed into his so he bottoms out. He obliges; heâs raring to go, every thrust bringing him closer to edge. Dilara closes her eyes as he sits up slightly so he can pound into her faster, one hand clutching the pillow and the other moving down from her hair to her breast, squeezing it lightly as he continues to fuck her.
Click.
He drops the camera to his side, all his focus on her now for this last bit. Her legs wrap around his waist; he unhooks one to bring in over his shoulder, leaning forward so he can watch her come undone, moaning loud and long as she finishes on his cock, her back arching until she falls back on the bed. Taehyung begins moving again, her wetness and residual whimpers keeping him going until she opens her eyes and he meets them, dark and blazing, and he pulls out at the last moment, emptying himself on her lean, smooth, honey-coloured torso.
Dilara rests her head on the pillow, panting and closing her eyes. Taehyung catches his breath, his eyes running over the strips of white over her body before he reaches for the camera.
Itâs a win. Itâs indescribable, every single time. No matter how exhausted, no matter how stressed, itâs all paid off because itâs a win. Thereâs a trophy, thereâs applause, thereâs adulation, thereâs validation that she belongs here after all, that this was where she is meant to be, this is what itâs all been for.
Her heart hurts, but itâs not a bad pain. She wants the win, every win, and she wants to be in the sport, for her love for it knows no bounds. She gets emotional, too, standing up on the podium and holding the trophy up high, knowing she would do anything for this feeling the rest of her life. She loves it, she craves it, and she canât live without it.
Taehyung sits by the edge of the bed, clothed in a flimsy white button down and baggy joggers, the stack of pictures in his hand. The sky outside has darkened but the rain is as heavy as ever. The glow of the fire before him flickers calmly in contrast on the first picture he picks up, of Dilara on the bed, naked and kneeling, looking just above the lens of the camera. The dark spot on top of her breast is the beginning of a hickey; he gazes as it for a few seconds before calmly tossing it into the fire.
He flips through them silently, images of their tryst borne from a moment that was initially headed elsewhere. Sheâs right; he really canât remember what theyâd been fighting about. The pictures are in no particular order, some of them more haphazard than the others, but each capturing moments of passion that canât be explained in anything other than stills taken by a camera.
Sheâd gifted it to him right before their first date, he remembers suddenly, as he watches one of the last pictures curl up and blacken in the fire. Weâve come a long way, my love. The shower inside the en suite stops just as the last, lone picture remains in his hand, taken after theyâd cleaned up and heâd climbed off the bed. Dilara had sat up on her knees among the sheets, looking out at the expanse of the Scottish highlands and the torrents that drowned it.Â
Heâd watched her for a few seconds, taking in her silhouette against the grey landscape outside. It was a sight worthy of committing to memory, and heâd raised the camera for the last time and snapped a picture of her.
Heâs interrupted by the sound of soft footsteps and he turns to see her walk out of the en suite, her curls tied up in a bun and the rest of her wrapped in a towel, droplets of water still glistening on her shoulders. Taehyung hadnât heard the sliding door open; he wonders how long sheâs been standing there but then she gives him a small smile, and he returns it. Slipping the picture into his pocket, he steps out of the room to allow her to change in privacy.
Thereâs nothing like winning. The feeling stays, the pride remains and thereâs hope. But thereâs also a moment, a time of the evening after the race where the celebrations are done and the congratulations have dried up, that the race starts being replayed, and the risks and gambles come back into focus. And then thereâs the feeling - no, the knowledge - that this isnât the end. This is a race, just one race, but the rest of the calendar is yet to come. Itâs grounding in reality like nothing else, and the win is diluted.
Taehyung watches the rain, now a bit slower but still coming down, dry and toasty in a tan sweater in the balcony of their room. Thereâs a song in here somewhere, Namjoon would say and heâd probably write it, too. Taehyung tries to do the same but every word he thinks of, every line or rudimentary melody is tinged with sadness so he quickly abandons the exercise.
He feels a soft nudge on his arm and turns to see Dilara join him, a small glass of whiskey in each hand. Her hair is loose again (and he guesses itâs to shield her face and neck from the cold), and sheâs covered up with a Red Bull hoodie and grey joggers.
He takes the whiskey she offers, kissing her softly on the cheek as she comes to stand next to him. Dilara looks like sheâs about to say something; Taehyung gives her his full attention, waiting. A few moments later, though, she gives a small shake of her head and leans into him, waiting for him to wrap an arm around her as they watch the rain together.
â
Namjoon
January (Set a couple of months after A Stormy Night)
Namjoon takes a deep breath. None of this was going according to plan.
The restaurant was highly rated, the ambience cozy and warm, Kaya's two other classmates-turned-friends had reached on time, Taehyung and Dilara had successfully picked up the birthday cake, the birthday girl looked like a million bucks and the jazz singer playing in a different area of the restaurant was just adding enough to the night without being disruptive.
And yet, somehow, despite all his efforts to make tonight about her, within the first hour of the classy and intimate birthday dinner he'd planned, the restaurant had become overrun with guests, some of them clearly famous, and noise and singing and generally the opposite of cozy and intimate.
It may still have been okay, given they were in a corner of the restaurant not directly in view of the entrance. But Dilara had invariably been recognised which only served to increase the excitement in the place - Namjoon had deduced from the general atmosphere that the dozen guests that had arrived at once were some kind of sports team that were being celebrated, and Dilara's presence was only adding to it.
Maybe she senses his train of thought, for she catches his eye from where she's awkwardly posing for a picture with two of the sports team members. She shoots him an apologetic look and makes her way to him the moment the picture is taken, ducking her head slightly as she passes othr guests.
âI'm sorry,â is the first thing she says, sighing. âIt's the England cricket team. They just won the Ashes and⌠it's a pretty big deal. Nobody thought they would.â She folds her arms across her chest and lightly bumps his shoulder. âIs Kaya okay?â
âYeah, she's fine,â he mutters, turning slightly when he spots his girlfriend exiting the ladiesâ room, fluffing her long hair over her shoulder. âAnd⌠don't be sorry,â he adds, sighing. âIt's not your fault. I just had such a specific vision of how this was supposed to be, you know? Hey,â he says with forced cheerfulness when Kaya reaches them.
âYou're annoyed,â she says immediately, and Dilara stifles a snicker when Namjoon frowns exaggeratedly and shakes his head.
âWhat? Of course not. Why would I be - okay, fine, a little bit.â He looks away when Kaya grabs his hand lovingly and squeezes it. âI just wasn't expectingâŚâ He trails off, gesturing vaguely to the chaos in the restaurant. A little way away, Taehyung is in an animated conversation with one of Kaya's friends who'd rushed up to take a selfie with one of the cricketers. There is free-flowing beer and tipsy toasts being made in honour of the team, and one of the cricketers seems to be getting pressured to get up on the stage, with âSing, Brody, sing!â chorusing over and over by a handful of people.
âIt's not that bad,â says Kaya. âIt's a little louder, butâŚâ She turns back to the table where the remains of their dinner is yet to be picked up by a waiter. âThe food was amazing. And I know you loved the whiskey sour you ordered.â
âSure, butâŚâ
âIf it helps, I think the team looks kind of annoyed by the attention,â guesses Dilara, waving hesitantly when someone comes up to them and squeals at the sight of her.
âCome on, it could be worse,â says Kaya to him, her voice lower. âAt least you guys weren't recognised.â
Namjoon nods, acknowledging this begrudgingly. Taehyung, who had already made friends with the waiter and the hostess even before the dinner had gone south, is now standing with the same friend of Kaya's and another cricketer, singing along to the soulful song that this Brody is now singing slightly off key on the stage. There are people across the restaurant who are filming him, looking beyond thrilled at the sight, and a gaggle of girls doing an exaggerated groupie bit at the handsome cricketer.
Namjoon feels his mood sour with every passing minute, even as Kaya leans against him and taps her foot absently with the music.Â
âYou donât have cricket in Korea, do you?â she asks after a few minutes, absently.
âNope. Kind of glad about that right now. Or maybe not,â he adds suddenly. âAt least then Iâd know what the big deal is.â
Kaya gives him a look. âItâs not that bad. Itâs a bit of extra people and a little more chatter and -âÂ
She breaks off and both of them wince at the sudden uproar of a victory song being sung by the entire restaurant. A redheaded cricketer is being grabbed by two of his teammates by the shoulders and the three grown men, arm in arm, are doing some sort of dance as they hold jugs of beers with their free hands.
Namjoon exhales slowly through his nose. From across the room, he spots Taehyung apparently starting to realise what he already has, that this night is no longer salvageable. He catches Namjoonâs eye and, like his girlfriend a few minutes ago, he makes his way over apologetically.
âSorry, hyung,â he says as soon as he reaches, handsomely tossing a lock of dark hair out of his eyes. âThe captainâs wife -â He points to a blonde lady laughing at talking to another woman â- said theyâre celebrating and in her words, theyâre just warming up.â He purses his lips sympathetically.
Kaya punches his shoulder as if to get him to shut up and then turns to Namjoon, ignoring Taehyungâs dramatic gasp. âIt's not a big deal,â she repeats clearly, raising her voice to be heard over the noise. âIt's not even that bad - maybe we should go and dance or -â
But she's interrupted once again by a loud screech of feedback from the mic. They look over to see a young member of the cricket team up on the low stage, tapping on the mic and looking thrilled with the attention. He can't be older than twenty-one; something about his cocky lopsided grin makes Namjoon's blood boil.Â
The cricketer starts off with a speech, slurring a bit but clearly saying all the right things while people switch between hooting and paying rapt attention. A little way away, Namjoon spots Dilara listening as well, clapping once in a while as well; it's the only thing that calms him down slightly. He hasnât watched a day of cricket in his life, but he can recognise a big win when he sees one, no matter how begrudgingly he may admit it.
The speech ends with a few more cheers and some hooting and before they know it, another round of Brody, Brody commences and the same handsome blue-eyed cricketer is pushed up on stage by some of his teammates, where he bends slightly to talk into the mic.
Namjoon rolls his eyes as he begins rhapsodizing about their win, knowing somewhere that heâs coming off as disgruntled and extremely unattractive. As if on cue, he feels Kaya link her fingers with his.Â
âCome with me,â she mutters. Without waiting for a response, she begins maneuvering through the crowd and pulling him along, until theyâre out of the restaurant and in the cold hits him like heâs been plunged into an ice bath. Exhaling and seeing his breath come out in mist, he looks up in confusion to see Kaya pull her coat tighter around her.
âOkay,â she says, folding her arms across her chest. âWhatâs wrong? Because this canât all be about one ruined dinner. I know you have a thicker skin than this.â
Namjoon considers lying. But one look at Kaya, her dark eyes and teacher-like expression, and something tugs at his heart.
âI wanted to give you a nice birthday.â
âIt was nice,â she says instantly. âThe food was amazing, we got lucky with Dilara and Tae being here the same weekend as my conference, youâre here -â She sighs and drops her arms to her sides. âWeâre in London in January and happen to be out on the one night that itâs a little less freezing. So⌠what is it?â
Namjoon looks away, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. The streets are deserted and the river rumbles in the distance, the only sounds coming faintly from inside the restaurant. He wants to tell her - but if they go down this road, thereâs no coming back.
âI wanted this birthday,â he says slowly, swallowing, âto be a nice birthday.â He waits as her frown deepens and then fades away, the realisation dawning. He looks at the ground; even admitting it feels like defeat of a kind.
âBecause you wonât be here on my next one,â she says quietly, nodding.
âOr the one after that. Not unless you come to Seoul and I take a vacation day on the same day, which is -â He shrugs, biting his lip. âAnd itâs not going to be like previous birthdays weâve spent apart, where I can still do stuff from another country and - and have a date on video call or something. This is going to be - Iâm going to miss -â
He breaks off, pressing his hands to his forehead in frustration, knowing heâs effectively ruined the night more than any number of cricket teams by bringing up this topic.
Kaya comes closer; he can hear the click of her heels as she slowly stops in front of him. âYou know that I know you donât have a choice, right?â
âI know, but -â
âSo if youâre thinking that youâll be a bad boyfriend or if you think Iâm thinking that, just stop. Namjoon, I know youâre struggling with this and I donât blame you. I have no idea what itâs like for you,â she admits, reaching up to bring his hands down. âAnd Iâm not asking you to ignore your feelings or to pretend like everythingâs great, but I need you toâŚâ She bites her lip and he can tell sheâs debating whether to say it.
âNeed me to what?â Namjoon asks warily.
âI need you to try,â she says softly, squeezing his hands. âJust try to see the good, try to find a happy moment when you can, becauseâŚâ She licks her lips and he does a double take when her eyes suddenly shine and they look wet. âJoon, Iâm worried for you. I donât know what itâs like but I canât imagine itâll get easier if youâre so hard on yourself all the time.â
Itâs a lot to unpack. For a moment, Namjoon wants to break down, right here in her arms and ask her to take him home, far away from all his responsibilities. But that would only worry her more and in any case, itâs a crazy thought. So he closes his eyes and presses his forehead to hers.
âIâm happy now,â he mutters, smiling a little when she scoffs.
âYeah, you really look it.â But she leans into him as well before reaching up and kissing him. âNow that Iâm officially in my thirties, I can safely say I have a lot more life experience than you, little one. So you have to listen to me.â
That makes him laugh. He tugs her closer and wraps an arm around her waist, the other automatically taking her hand in his. âIâm dating an older woman now, officially.â
âYou were dating an older woman the day you asked me to be your girlfriend,â she points out, her face easing up slightly. âActually, it wasnât too far from here, was it?â
âIt was in front of the Langham, so, yeah.â He nods as a guitar begins playing inside the restaurant and their feet move automatically, steps small and uncoordinated. âI found a happy moment that day,â he murmurs into her hair, inhaling the coconut and vanilla scent.
âYeah, you did,â she agrees. âWasnât that hard, was it?â
âAre you kidding? I was so nervous. I was just a kid and you were this sexy older woman that was completely out of my league.â
âOkay, weâre going to stop saying older woman now,â she decides, moving away slightly and looking up at him with narrowed eyes. At that moment, a familiar voice drifts from inside. She raises her eyebrows and smiles. âThe kidâs got a great voice.â
âYou should hear him in the shower,â says Namjoon, but nods in agreement as Taehyungâs baritone singing a jazzy blues song lights up their little corner of the street.
âDonât miss me too much while Iâm gone, okay?â he murmurs after a few moments, into her hair again. He feels her stiffen slightly but then she nods into his shoulder.
âDonât worry, I wonât miss you at all,â she assures him. She stops moving, however, and slowly steps away. âDo you want to get out of here? Go get a hot chocolate or something? Because Iâm fucking freezing.â
Namjoon canât think of anything heâd like more than to be with her alone. âIâm in,â he agrees, linking his fingers with hers. âJust need to make one phone call.â
Inside the restaurant, Dilara nods into the phone. âYeah, no problem,â she says, smiling as she catches Taehyungâs eyes where heâs on the small stage, crooning away to John Baptiste. âDonât worry, Namjoon, I know youâll pay me back. I know where you live,â she teases. âYou guys have fun.â
As she hangs up, she leans against the wall and watches her boyfriend, tall and handsome, singing in the dim lighting. The celebration has now mellowed to a nice, festive evening and she requests a passing waiter for a glass of wine. One of the cricketers sheâd taken a group photo with joins her, looking happy and winded.
âThis might be the one spot in the whole place where you can get a moment of peace,â he remarks, running a hand through his black hair and turning around to lean against the wall like she is. âHope you donât mind?â he asks belatedly.
âNot at all. Congratulations, by the way. Brody, I presume,â she ventures, raising her eyebrows as he nods good-naturedly. âRight. Seems like you were a big deal in this tournament.â
âJust a bit. But everyone was,â he replies easily. âYou didnât watch?âÂ
âOh. Um, I followed it a bit here and there. I donât get a lot of time to watch television,â she admits sheepishly.
âNo worries. The parties are better than the matches,â he points out. âMust be the same for Formula One, I assume. Komyshan, right?â
Dilara nods, her face getting hot and the embarrassment at her lack of awareness of cricket increasing. âThatâs what the commentators call me.â
âI get it. Brody is what the commentators call me,â he says, blue eyes twinkling.
Cheeks still warm, she sticks out her hand. âDilara,â she says.
âNice to meet you,â he says, taking her hand. âIâm James.â
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Summary: Two friends catch up on a beautiful day in Amsterdam.
Pairing:Â Namjoon x OC, Yoongi x OC (different OCs)
Genre:Â Humour, friendship, mild angst
Word count:Â 5 K
Rating:Â 18+
Warnings:Â smoking ig?
A/N:Â Yes, it's me, rearing my overworked head from amidst PPTs and strongly-worded emails. No prologue to this, just hope you enjoy it. Takes place about a month after Pretty Girls.
Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @confessionsofamarshlily@whoisbts @jihopesjoint @kflixnet @cuntessaiii @nightappple (drop a message if you want to be added)
Listen to:Â "with a little help from my friends" by the beatles
namjoon masterlist | yoongi masterlist | main masterlist
Kaya takes a seat at the outdoor table that the waitress gestures to and frees her hair from its scrunchie, shaking it out. The sun is bright today, but the umbrella over the table helps and her sunglasses block out the remaining.
As she examines the menu, she senses a shadow fall over the table. Looking up, she raises an eyebrow.
âA pretty lady, sitting all alone?â His tone is dry, betraying only a hint of sarcasm.Â
âUnfortunately, my boyfriend has to work.â Kaya tilts her head slightly. âUnless you could convince him to take a break.â
Yoongi flashes her a grin as he takes off his sunglasses, and takes the seat opposite her. âIf you canât, I donât know who can.â
Kaya rolls her eyes, partly amused, and hands him the menu. âThe hazelnut latte is to die for,â she informs him, taking off her own sunglasses and squinting slightly at the sudden brightness.
âIâd love to, but Iâm on tour,â he says, sounding regretful. âHowâs the regular cold brew?â
After going back and forth on the coffee for a couple of minutes, both of them place their orders for food as well.
âSo? Howâs tour going?â she asks, leaning back in her chair. âTell me something exciting.â
Yoongi scoffs. âTour is the least exciting time. Aside from performing, of course,â he amends. âBut otherwise, pretty boring.â
âWhat? That canât possibly be true. I always hear so much gossip when you guys are on tour or travelling. I remember following the Taehyung and Dilara Europe saga like a reality show, just minus the Reddit commentary.â
âYeah, itâs not the tour thatâs exciting, itâs the number of people on tour,â he points out. âYou canât tell me those two werenât living in their own k-drama half the time. But touring solo is⌠different.â
âWow,â she comments, raising her eyebrows. âDonât tell me youâre actually missing them? Remember when you asked me when kids outgrow the sugar rush phase?â
Yoongi chuckles, presumably at the memory. âShockingly enough, I am missing that. But, yeah.â He shrugs. âItâs almost done. Just Seoul after this and thenâŚâ He trails off, biting his lip.
She nods, ducking her head and feeling an awkward relief when their coffees arrive. The day hasnât yet reached the point where such topics need to be brought up. âAny hot after party plans tonight?â she asks, stirring her Vietnamese coffee.
âGod, no,â he replies. âActually, that might be the only thing I donât miss about a regular tour. It was fun with all of us being together, but it was so hard to get some sleep.â
âNo way. Really? Wouldnât everyone be tired?â
âYou would think. But someone would be playing a video game or there would be something to film -â He shakes his head dismissively. âIâm not young anymore, you know. I need my rest.â
âThirty really came out of nowhere, huh,â says Kaya knowingly.
âTell me about it.â Yoongi shakes his head, leaning away from the table as their food arrives. Even when the waitress leaves, he doesnât immediately begin eating like Kaya does. âWould you believe it if I told you my mother asked me about my plans to marry?â
Kaya almost chokes on a piece of bread. Yoongi swears under his breath as she gulps down water before guffawing. âWow, I wish I couldâve seen that,â she teases, laughing. âBut itâs not entirely unexpected, is it?â she adds after about half a minute, still chuckling.
âActually, it is,â he disagrees, âbecause I donât think Iâve hinted at anything that might cause her to ask such a question.â
Kaya raises her eyebrows but says nothing. The girl sheâd met at Hybe, the slender one whoâd spoken with an Australian accent and glanced at Yoongi the way a teenager looked at her first crush, comes to mind. But something tells her Yoongi would rather stick his fork in his eye than admit anything to her right now.
âSo whatâd you tell her?â
âThe correct thing,â he replies, stabbing his eggs, âwhich is nothing at all.â
âSounds about right.â She takes a sip of water. âIf it helps, my mom asked me the exact same question a little while ago, so I get where youâre coming from.â
Yoongi gives her a mild look as he chews. âI think itâs a much more realistic scenario in your case.â
âOh, Iâm sure I can expect Namjoon to get down on one knee any day now,â she says sarcastically, before pausing. âActually heâs done that already so I probably shouldnât joke about it.â
He chuckles. âYou know, if he finds out you want a proposal right now, I bet heâd do it,â he says seriously.
Kaya widens her eyes and scoffs when he grins at his plate. âDonât even think about it, Yoongi. He sounds so stressed every time I talk to him. The last thing I want is for him to get a heart attack at twenty-nine over some random relationship pressure.â
âI donât think it would be all that much pressure, honestly.â He shrugs. âFrom what I can tell.â
âYeah, well, Iâd rather not take that risk.â
âHeâs gotten a lot better at managing his stress over the years,â points out Yoongi. âI donât know if you know this, but weâve lived together for almost thirteen years.â
Kaya takes a slow sip of her coffee and nods. âItâs come up.â
âSo I can confirm heâs getting better at it.â
âNo, I know he is,â she admits, sighing. Her concern is slightly different, but she doesnât know if she can put it into words. She doesnât even know if she should, for fear of jinxing it.
She can sense Yoongiâs gaze on her and busies herself with sprinkling seasoning over her remaining breakfast. âAre you planning to come to Korea any time soon?â
âYeah,â she answers. âNamjoon and I are meeting in Spain in July, so Iâll probably come around September. Before he leaves.â
He hums, a little too knowingly for her liking. âWhatâs in Spain?â
âA vacation?â She sighs, stretching back in her chair. âSummer in the south of Europe, eating paella and going on road trips across the country. But, you know,â she amends, straightening back up. âWith his family this time.â
Yoongi raises his eyebrows. âYouâre not nervous,â he states.
âIâm not nervous,â she replies, a little too quickly. âItâll be different, though. But I like his sister,â she adds honestly. âIâve realised Iâm not great at bonding with girls outside of uni.â
âIâve heard differently,â he disagrees. He meets Kayaâs eyes, who says nothing, until his cheeks start to redden and he looks away. âWeâre not strangers, you know,â he mutters, rolling his eyes.
Kaya grins, no need for her to ask who âweâ is. âI should count Dilara, though,â she admits, choosing not to embarrass him any further.
âOh, yeah, itâll kill her if you donât.â
She nods, polishing off the last of her panini and sitting back in her chair. âWhat about you, Min Yoongi? Any vacation plans?â
âNot really,â he says dismissively. âIâm not really a vacation kind of person.â
Kaya squints, unimpressed. âReally? You donât like vacations? Be less of a pick-me, Yoongi.â
Yoongi snorts, his gummy smile flashing momentarily and lighting up his whole face. âIâve been travelling for three months, non-stop. I love touring but the thought of getting back on a flight againâŚâ He shakes his head and runs a hand through his long, thick hair. âI miss home way too much. I want to just stay in Korea for as long as I can for a bit.â
âYeah?â She tries to picture it, staying in her apartment and walking around Amsterdam for the entire year and decides she canât. âWill you take time off, though? Or will you head back into the studio the moment you set foot in Seoul?â
âThatâs irrelevant.â
âIs it? Workaholics can recognise each other in the wild, you know.â
âI miss the studio, too,â he says, sounding a bit defensive. âI miss my chair and the lighting. I miss the creative energy and the other producers and⌠even the coffee, honestly.â He sips on his cold brew as if to make a point. âNot bitter enough,â he informs her.
âIâm sure the barista will get right on that,â she says dryly. âBut fair enough. Your studio is your happy place.â
He nods before his gaze freezes abruptly on something across the street. A moment later, his eyes flicker back down to his plate and he sighs.
âLooks like Iâve been spotted,â he mutters. âGet ready to have your picture splashed on the internet for ten minutes before people move on.â
âWouldnât be the first time,â she mutters in response, trying to ignore how her body tenses automatically. âDo you want to leave? We can take the rest of our coffee to go.â
He huffs quietly. âBut itâs so nice here,â he half-whines. âNo, but you know what? Namjoon will overthink himself to death if you end up on Twitter again,â he says quickly, standing up, âand thatâs not what he needs right now.â
âWell, you are the one whoâs lived with him for thirteen years,â she agrees, standing up as well, as they both reach for their wallets and drop a couple of bills on the table. âSo Iâll take your word for it.â
â
As it turns out, the fans whoâd spotted him didnât seem to have taken any pictures. But Yoongi doesnât mind strolling about the city. Amsterdam is beautiful and it is a rare situation of having a day off in a city where he actually has a friend.Â
They talk about nothing in particular, flitting between work and friends and movies theyâve seen as they sip on chilled coffees, the sun dimmer than it was a while ago. Yoongi can sense that Kaya is trying to keep the tone light, and heâs almost certain itâs due to their impending enlistment.
âThat spot right there,â says Kaya, after a few minutes of comfortable silence, pointing to a spot by the pier, âis till where the line ended when the first boba place opened up here a few years ago.â She shudders. âIt was madness.â
âYou werenât in line, I suppose?â
âSure I was, but I had the sense to get there early,â she replies with dignity. âAnd I brought a research paper to study while I waited so who won, really?â
Yoongi chuckles as he finishes his coffee and chucks the plastic glass in a nearby bin. âItâs too early for a drink, isnât it?â he asks ruefully.
Kaya laughs. âIâd say so. But I get what you mean,â she adds after a moment. âIt wouldnât be the worst thing to take some edge off.â
He raises his eyebrows. âYou know of a place that wonât judge us for ordering drinks at -â He checks his watch â- one pm?â
âNot exactly,â she admits, taking a noisy last sip of her Vietnamese coffee and throwing the empty glass in the next bin. âDo you remember that night in the dorm when I was jet lagged and everyone else was asleep?â
Yoongi slows down. âAnd I reached late from the studio, withâŚâ He raises his eyebrows again, noting how she nods.
âCome on,â she says, patting his arm and beckoning him to follow her. âMy apartmentâs just around the corner.â
Ten minutes later, Yoongi finds himself in Kayaâs apartment, a one bedroom studio that reminds him of a college dorm combined with a student library. Academic books and stacks of stapled pages litter the chipped coffee table and the circular dining table by the kitchen, with stray cups abandoned here and there. The television looks untouched, but the sofa is soft and cozy, with a woven throw placed over the back.Â
âPass me the paper?â
Yoongi obeys, taking a seat on the carpeted area like she is and leaning back against the side of the sofa, his head cushioned against a HYBE hoodie. He pushes the curtain forward slightly, taking care to ensure he canât be seen from the outside and wondering if heâs being paranoid.
âThere we go,â she mutters, licking the edge of the paper and twisting the end expertly. Reaching for a lighter on the shelf beside her, she places the joint between her lips and lights it, taking a deep drag and groaning softly as she exhales.
She offers it to Yoongi and he takes it without argument. The smell is a rare, almost taboo one, and he welcomes the freedom with which he can indulge in this right now. He feels the smoke exit his sinuses through his nose and sighs, closing his eyes.
He takes another drag, realising somewhere the risk heâs taking if he were to be discovered stoned by anyone aside from his manager. His eyes flutter open at a metallic sound to see Kaya sliding an ashtray towards him before settling low into a beanbag chair, stretching her denim clad legs straight on the floor and crossing her ankles.
âYouâre sure we wonât be seen?â he asks her, a bit doubtfully as he passes the joint back to her.
âWho knows,â she murmurs, which doesnât help him much. âBut no one will care,â she adds, sounding more convinced this time. âMost of this building is just students. Or TAs. And itâs Amsterdam.â
Kaya gives him a reassuring smile, but he can see her eyes already relaxing. Yoongi nods, not hating the feeling of being somewhere other than a hotel.
âSo how often do you do this?â he asks curiously.Â
âNot that often,â she answers, shrugging. âOnce every few weeks, maybe? Sometimes more often, but then itâs just a few drags, not more.â She shrugs, a little sheepishly. âItâs been a long few weeks.â
âNo judgement,â he states honestly, taking another puff. The sun has disappeared behind clouds now, just as sheâd predicted, and thereâs a cool breeze that feels like itâs putting him to sleep. âYou smoke up with Namjoon, too?â He asks, privately unable to picture it.
âNah, heâs not a fan,â she admits. âHe thinks it âcompromises his facultiesâ. But itâs better than nicotine,â she points out.
âTrue,â he says fairly. âYou know, Iâm looking forward to going home for sure but⌠sometimes itâs good to get away,â he confesses in a murmur.
Kaya hums. âIâm sure.â
âEveryoneâs worried about enlisting,â he says after a moment. âBut no one wants to talk about it - which I get, believe me. But itâs coming out in other ways and itâs just -â He breaks off and exhales.
Kaya doesnât say anything for a moment, and Yoongi is afraid heâs ruined the mood. âLike what?â
âJust the usual.â He shrugs. âWe were on a team call a couple days ago and it just got so⌠chaotic. Everybody just had to be heard and Namjoon started getting overwhelmed and I started getting impatientâŚâ He trails off, still uncomfortable about it. âAnd then at one point, Taehyung and Jungkook started snapping at each other over something silly and then there was no point continuing,â he finished.
âWow.â
âYeah. I think Hoseok mediated later but Iâm not sure how much. Canât really blame him, though,â he adds, shaking his head. âHeâs happy now - like, really happy. Probably happier than the rest of us put together.â Itâs a few seconds before he realised what heâs said. âI mean - Namjoonâs happy, too,â he adds quickly. âHeâs - I mean, weâre all -â He struggles for the word, and it occurs to him that his brain is actually moving slower than usual.
But thankfully Kaya chuckles. âItâs okay. I get what you mean. Hard to match Hobiâs level of happiness on a normal day.â
âYeah,â he agrees, relieved. âHe used to overcompensate a lot for that when we were younger but heâs become a lot more comfortable in his skin now.â
âAw, look at you talking so fondly about your kids,â she teases, making him roll his eyes but unable to suppress a smile. âIâm sure you grew up quite a bit, too. You give me serious teen emo vibes, you know.â
âNo way, I was too hardcore for that,â he argues, waving a hand lazily. âI was a rapper.â
âBullshit. Iâve seen pictures.â
âI have pictures. In fact -â He fishes out his phone and navigates to his gallery, the screen changing with a smooth and flowy movement. âTell me I didnât look at least a little out of place,â he says, passing the phone to her.
Kaya takes it excitedly. âMin Yoongi opening the vault,â she remarks, the joint propped between her index and middle finger as she holds the phone. âWho wouldâve thunk?â
âWell, you got me nice and high.â
She chortles, swiping through the screen. âHardcore as hell, Yoongi,â she admits, âespecially with the headband.â She keeps scrolling, ignoring his scoff of disbelief. âWow, I wish Iâd met you guys back then.â
âYou wouldnât be dating one of us if you had, trust me.â
âThatâs probably true,â she agrees good-naturedly. âOh, my God,â she says after a moment, her jaw dropping as she tilts the phone towards him to reveal a picture of a lanky, skinny, grinning seventeen year old Kim Namjoon.
Yoongi peers at it and nods. âYes, I stand by my original statement.â
âShut up,â she admonishes him, taking another drag and admiring the picture. âHeâs so cute.â
âHe was such a dork,â he adds, but he can hear the grudging warmth in his own voice.
âCute,â she repeats. âThis is probably what my son will look like one day,â she muses, before pausing, her smile fading slightly. âWow, this stuff is strong,â she comments, placing the joint on the ashtray and handing Yoongi back his phone. âShut up,â she warns him as he bursts out laughing.
âI canât believe you just said that,â he says in between his laughter, glancing at the picture again before locking his phone.
âI canât either,â she admits, looking embarrassed as she runs her hands over her face. âDonât you dare tell him I did.â
âIâm afraid I canât promise either way,â he says wryly, knowing he would never. Kaya rolls her eyes but doesnât press, and he thinks she knows as well. âYouâve thought about that stuff, though?â he asks after a moment. âYou really want kids?â
âAbsolutely,â she says, without missing a beat.Â
Yoongi knows for sure itâs the weed thatâs making him actually ask these questions so directly, but he canât seem to stop. âWow. You guys have talked about it?âÂ
âNot in so many words,â she admits. âBut if he hasnât picked up on it in four years, then weâve got a problem.â She stretches and sighs, looking out of her balcony as Yoongi lights the end of the joint again. âDo you really think heâs happy, though?â
He frowns slightly; all the joking seems to have left her voice very suddenly. âOf course he is,â he says, hearing his voice come out slow and soothing. âWith you, definitely.â
After what seems like ages, Kaya responds.Â
âSometimes it feels likeâŚâ She trails off, and he isnât even sure if sheâs meaning to say it out loud. âSometimes it feels like heâs⌠thinking too much. And heâs thinking so much and heâs analysing and overthinking and⌠I donât know if he remembers to be happy.â She bites her lip and Yoongi doesnât know if heâs imagining the tremble in her voice. âI donât know if I can do anything about it.â
Yoongi blinks; despite his mind swimming, itâs clear in a slow and bleary way that he cannot let Kaya think like this. It would disrupt everything. âNot true,â he blurts out, frowning when she looks over at him. âHe is happy. Heâs stressed and overworked and - and -â The English word escapes him â- thinks way too much,â he says finally, echoing her words. âBut you might be the best thing that ever happened to him.â
Kaya looks doubtful, but a shaky smile flits across her face. Yoongi nudges her foot with his.
âTrust me. Iâve known him for thirteen years.â
That makes her chuckle. âThatâs true, you have,â she agrees, rubbing her eyes and sighing. âThis is the downside of getting high sometimes.â
âAh, donât worry about it,â he says reassuringly. The joint is almost over by now, but Yoongi canât remember feeling this relaxed in a long time. âItâs just a matter of time before you and Namjoon have a bunch of babies who write poetry about Economics and skulk around museums all over the world.â
Kaya laughs, and Yoongi is glad to hear it. âDonât make me regret saying that in front of you,â she says, throwing a cushion at him. He catches it and slides further down on the floor, placing it underneath his head and facing the ceiling.
Outside, it starts to drizzle. Kaya produces a bag of soy chips from somewhere and even though thereâs a faraway voice in the corner of his mind that sounds like his choreographer, reminding him that heâs on tour, his hand moves automatically towards the chips, each one tasting better than the last.
Kayaâs ceiling is a dull beige, with a fan just off centre. It bothers him, but the rain outside hits the roof over her balcony in a somewhat rhythmical cadence, and he finds himself tapping the air with the beat.
âDo you talk to her often?â
The words tumble out of his mouth before his brain has a chance to think it over.
To his relief, Kaya doesnât ask who. âSometimes. Sheâs not particularly talkative.â
âThatâs true.â Something loosens in his chest, something he didnât even know was tight in the first place. He realises itâs the first time in months heâs talked about her to someone who isnât her colleague. âIs she⌠how is she?â
âOkay, I guess? I donât really have a benchmark,â she says. Thereâs a pause. âWhy do you ask?â
Yoongi is glad his thoughts arenât particularly coherent right now, for he isnât sure how to articulate the combined emotions of worry, affection and longing in the particular context of Misoâs life and his place in it. His desire to be back home, in Seoul, in the Hybe building and in the same corridors as her feels overwhelming all of a sudden.
He talks to her, too - but itâs not the same, knowing that she might be a different person with someone else, with a personality, interests and a way of talking that he hasnât seen. He doesnât know how to express that learning anything about her, even the smallest thing, can help him feel just a little closer to her.
Perhaps Kaya senses this, for she volunteers the information herself.
âWe talk mostly during my evenings, which means she seems to be working late these days,â she offers.
Yes, that makes sense. Sheâs working on an album with Donghyuk for a groupâs much awaited comeback, so it would fit that sheâs burning the midnight oil. He imagines it if he were back home: stealing a few moments during a coffee break, walking her to her car until the point her driver can spot them, sharing a cigarette in the darkness between kisses that are all lips and tongue and teeth.
âWhat do you talk about?â he asks, placing his hands under his head, his eyes trained on the slow spinning fan.Â
âRandom stuff,â answers Kaya. âI asked her for recommendations for an offbeat record store in Seoul because I wanted to get a Lana del Rey vinyl for Jae-Lin.â
âWhich store?â
âThis place in Jung-gu. I canât remember the name.â
A record store. Yoongi is quiet for a few seconds, digesting this. âWhat else?â
âUmâŚâ Kaya hums absently while rain picks up outside, the breeze now sprinkled with tiny droplets of water. âShe told me about Australia. Of course, it came up in the context of how Seoul has a dearth of good lamb chops. But apparently Cable Beach is her favourite one.â
Cable beach. This is new information. As far as Yoongi knows, aside from mentioning her studies in Australia as a throwaway, sheâs never talked about her life there. âShe likes the beach,â he states, the words sounding strange on his tongue.
âWell, Australia is like eighty percent beaches,â points out Kaya. âGod, I miss the beach. We should all take a trip to Ibiza,â she announces suddenly. âIâm gonna text Namjoon - waitâŚâ
Yoongi has the sudden urge to call Miso, casually at first, but then to ask her to tell him about the beaches. For a moment, he struggles to remember the name Kaya just mentioned, but then it comes back to him. Cable Beach.Â
He glances at Kaya, who hasnât even picked up her phone, and is instead humming softly while tracing a shape on the floor with her shoe.Â
âWhat else do you talk about?â
Kaya continues humming but frowns mildly, before looking up at him. Something in her gaze makes him look away, and he shrugs unnecessarily.
âNot much,â she answers after a moment. âApparently Hybe needs to improve its coffee on the floor.â
âAnything else?â
âNot really.â
He exhales deeply, fairly certain sheâs still watching him. He bites his lip, staring steadily at the off centre ceiling fan.
âShe did mention you a couple times,â says Kaya, after a few beats. âSomething about how much you curse under your breath while producing.â
A merry jolt passes through Yoongiâs stomach without warning. âOh, yeah?â
âMhm. And she said youâre a lot less annoying than you were the first time you met two years ago.â
Yoongi nods matter-of-factly. The sky is a cool grey outside and the fine droplets of water in the breeze feel sublime on his skin. He gazes at the fan, his chest floating easily at what can only be considered a compliment of the highest order from Miso.
A soft clicking sound makes him snap around to look at Kaya, whoâs lowering her phone. âWhat was that?â
âNothing,â she says innocently. âJust a picture of Min Yoongi looking the happiest Iâve ever seen him.â
Itâs at this point that he realises heâs been smiling - no, not smiling, but beaming - at the ceiling, and he can feel the blood rush to his face.
âKaya,â he says warningly, but he hears it come out more pleadingly than anything.
âYou have a very nice smile, you know,â she says kindly.
âI - thank you. But -â
Kaya simply smiles back at him and he relaxes, suddenly sure that she knows what heâs asking and that sheâs accepted.
âYouâre serious about her, arenât you?â she asks, and all the teasing has left her voice.
Am I? Ordinarily, he would say yes. But he canât fathom using terms that apply to regular relationships to their⌠situation. âItâs not that simple,â he says at last.
âI can tell sheâs⌠going through something. But I didnât want to pry. She never talks about her family,â she adds.
That sounds about right. âSpeaking of not being happy,â he mutters.
âShe isnât?â But it hardly sounds like a question.
âI donât think sheâs even trying to be,â he murmurs, shocking himself a little at this admission. But the moment he says it he knows it to be true, that any fight left in her is only enough to get by.
Yoongi feels his face burn and his eyes sting. Kaya excuses herself to use the washroom and heâs instantly sure itâs to give him privacy. He sniffs and presses his thumb and index finger into the corners of his eyes, taking a deep breath until he can feel his face come back to normal.
He sits up, his head feeling light but steadier than it was a little while ago. The view outside is beautiful, stormy yet calm, and Yoongiâs legs take him to the balcony of their own accord. Kaya joins him a minute later, and they watch the rain for a bit.
âI should head,â he says, turning his towards her slightly.
She nods. âOkay.â She doesnât offer for him to stay over for which heâs glad, knowing they both would like their evenings to themselves.
âNo wonder Namjoon likes coming here so often,â he muses. âAside from seeing you, of course,â he adds, and she chuckles.
âWill you ask him to⌠to take it a little easy?â Kaya asks, looking up at him, her eyes brown and wide and doe-like. âJust once in a while. Just to live in the moment.â
Yoongi nods. âOf course. Donât worry,â he says after a moment. âHe knows whatâs important. And before you know it, youâre going to have a bunch of little Namjoons and Kayas and teaching them to roll joints in Korean.â
She snickers and punches his shoulder half-heartedly, shaking her head as he puts an arm around her shoulders. âBunch is a little much. And I donât think Iâll be teaching them either of those things. Pot is a college rite of passage and⌠for someone with Korean family members and a Korean boyfriend, I suck at the language,â she mutters shamefully.
âItâs not easy,â he reassures her, squeezing her shoulder. âYou can practice, though.â
âI try every time I go back there,â she tells him, sounding disgruntled, âbut I can hear how terrible I sound and it makes me so self-conscious that I just⌠canât. Dilara is a lot better,â she adds enviously.
âYeah, for someone who doesnât live there, sheâs not bad,â admits Yoongi. He drops his arm from around her, knowing the day has come to an end. âAlright.â
âYeah.âÂ
They turn around together and cross the expanse of her tiny living room until they stop at the front door.
âHave a good concert tomorrow,â she says as they give each other a friendly hug. âCanât wait to read the thirst tweets after.â
Itâs his turn to playfully flick her shoulder. âEat something decent tonight. Not chips,â he adds. âAnd, uhâŚâ He swallows, his eyes flickering to the floor.
âYeah?â she asks softly.
âWill youâŚâ He doesnât know where to start. âWill you⌠just ask her about Australia, once in a while?â
Kaya nods. âAbsolutely.â
âThanks.â With one last one-armed hug, Yoongi heads back to his hotel.
â
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summary: Adrienne is an indie producer who is hired to help co-produce BTSâ next album alongside their resident producer; Suga. Despite the initial opposition on both ends, the pair spend time together, share a few stories, dreams and aspirations and begin to hit it off really well. Wrapped up in the whirlwind of late nights and heated disagreements and reconciliations, Min Yoongi and Adrienne Rolle find themselves growing closer and closer. One night they decide to cross the barrier between personal and professional and do their best make a relationship work against all odds.
Mornings were normally hell for Yoongi, usually because he'd only managed a few hours of sleep before the road called again. This morning, however, he found it hard to leave the warmth of his bed for entirely different reasons. He'd spent the majority of his night vividly fantasizing about his coworker. It was possibly the best, or worst, depending on your point of view, night's sleep he'd ever had.
Yoongi's body ignited from the waist down, an inferno spreading from his loins to his toes, constricting him with intense heat. He was engulfed by Adrienne. Her entire body pulsed and moved with his rhythm, her contracting muscles clasping him tightly. Languid stroke followed stroke between them. The virtual Adrienne, a product of his dream, moaned with each touch, whispering his name with fevered intensity as her muscles tensed and trembled around his length. Then, without warning, his lungs burning for oxygen, sweat beading on his brow, Yoongi came undone.
The sensation was too raw, too real, and Yoongi jackknifed upright in bed, heavy with the knowledge that he was having a sex dream about his co-worker and very much aware of the fact that he was granite hard, an erection straining the cotton weave fibers of his boxers. Confused, he scanned his bedroom to confirm he was indeed in his own bed and hadn't done something incredibly stupid.
Relief washed over him as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. The familiar soft snores from his roommate's end of the room answered his silent plea. He was relieved, of course, but hyper-aware that there was no way he could go back to bed now. Not with his cock throbbing, begging to be attended to, and visions of Andy, bare as the day she was born, flaring up in his mind every time he closed his eyes. Without any other options, Yoongi pushed himself out of bed and groggily padded towards the living room, grabbing his laptop. If he couldn't sleep, at least he could get some work done until they had to head out for the day.
So, there was no surprise that he was damn near cantankerous during the beginning of their schedules. He barely spoke during interviews, curled up in the back of their travel van with his hood over his head and a posture that screamed âDo Not Talk To Meâ. The other members noticed and knew to stay out of his way as much as they could to avoid setting him off. The only time he seemed to perk up slightly was when they were on their way to the studio to film some of the album-making process for their year-end DVD. Going to the studio meant heâd get to see Andy, and that eased his irritable mood only by a little.
He found disappointment, however, when they arrived at their shared studio only to find a crew setting up to film and no sign of Adrienne. He didnât ask where she was but instead threw himself onto the couch and allowed the staff to finish setting up and fit him with a mic before everyone cleared out, leaving only the boys and the camera person. Yoongi knew that he would eventually lead the conversation since he had contributed the most to the album's formation. But, well, he didnât want to. Without Andy being around, Yoongi's mood worsened as he glanced around the room, memories of Adrienne consuming his thoughts. The scent of her perfume, from when she'd leaned over him at the computer, filled his nose as he watched Namjoon idly tinker at the desk. The weight of her body pressed against him when they kissed for the first time, and the sensation of her hands all over him, filled him with warmth once again when he looked towards the far wall. Even sitting on the couch called to memory all the time theyâd spent talking up until the wee hours of the morning when inspiration refused to pay each of them a visit.
There was no place he could look in this room that didnât remind him of Adrienne, and Yoongi began to feel suffocated by the thought of her. He warned no one but quickly stood up and exited the room to take a deep breath and press the back of his head against the wall just outside the door.
âYoongi-ssi?â
Adrienneâs familiar melodic tone made Yoongiâs eyes snap open, and he allowed himself to genuinely smile at her as she slowly walked toward him with two lattes in her hands. She was clearly unaware they were filming today, dressed in simple leggings and a hoodie two sizes too big. Yoongi still found her beautiful.
âAre you waiting for me? I know Iâm late but you donât have to wait for me outside,â Adrienne giggled and handed one of the lattes to him. âHere, I got you a caramel macchiato, don't be mad.â
Yoongi shook his head and smiled as he took the plastic cup from her hands. Taking a sip, he moved to stop Adrienne before she went into the studio, hoping to warn her, but she was already inside before he got the chance.
âOh,â Yoongi heard her gasp from the other side of the door, âDo you guys need the room today? I just need something from the computer and Iâll be out of the way,â she said quickly as she moved toward the computer.
âActually,â Namjoon spoke up just as Yoongi opened his mouth to answer her, âWe need you here today too. We have to film some scenes for our DVD; they want to film us working on the album and just talking about the direction weâre taking. So we need you.â
âO-okay,â Andy stammered as Namjoon gestured for her to take the seat at the computer desk. âThere was a song that I wanted all of you to record something for, maybe this is a good time,â she muttered to herself and swiveled around to open a few files on the computer.
Yoongi fell silent again as he resumed his place at the far end of the couch and took a long sip of the coffee Andy had given him. The younger members seated next to him noticed that he was the only one who had received a drink and complained until he finally gave it to them to share. He wouldnât show it, but he was happy seeing Adrienne at the head of the room, even if that meant sitting so close to Namjoon, who took every chance he had to strike up a conversation with her. The room was lively and loud in true Bangtan fashion when the camera crew returned to begin filming. Everything seemed to start out smoothly, with Namjoon and Yoongi doing most of the talking while Adrienne answered a few questions and played snippets of the finished songs they had.
However, when the camera centered on her and the crew directed her to give a short explanation of the songs she composed from scratch, Adrienne's eyes went wide. Yoongi recognized her blank expression by the way she fumbled with her hoodie's hem, but she attempted to answer anyway.
âUhm. Well, t-this...um song um.â Adrienne stuttered, fumbling her short sentence until the camera person signaled her to stop.
âIâm sorry, but do you even speak Korean?â one of the staff members asked impatiently.
âI-I do. Well, a little bit, I mean. Iâm still learning and itâs hard,â Adrienne answered meekly.
âAndy-â Yoongiâs voice cut the tension that was beginning to develop between Adrienne and the staff members who didnât know her. âMaybe you should take a break? I can explain the songs I worked on until you come back."
âThatâs a good idea,â she replied and quickly got up to move outside before the staff had the chance to say anything else.
She was gone for only a few minutes before Namjoon followed, announcing he'd check on her as he slid out the door. This left Yoongi wondering why he had to wait until she was alone to make sure she was okay. He pushed those thoughts away and continued doing what he did best: talk about music and his many inspirations until everyone around him was tired of hearing him speak. There was almost an audible sigh of relief when Adrienne reappeared in the doorway, with Namjoon following closely behind her. Both wore dopey smiles that discomfited Yoongi.
Adrienne's confidence soared after her brief time outside. Yoongi didnât know what Namjoon had said to her that put her in such a good mood, but whatever it was, it surely seemed to work because she had virtually no trouble explaining her thoughts this time around. Of course, her sentences were still somewhat limited, but whenever she faltered, Namjoon was right there to translate the English she whispered into his ear. They made an efficient team, and the remainder of the filming went by just as smoothly as the beginning.
The film crew thanked the group and Adrienne before breaking down their set and leaving. There was barely a second of time for the boys to settle before one of their managers came to herd them back out to the car. Adrienne looked in Yoongiâs direction as they were on their way with an expression that read she wanted to talk, and he contemplated making them late for the rest of the schedule when she began to speak. Except she wasnât looking at Yoongi when she mouthed the words âIâll text youâ; she was looking a few inches above his head at Namjoon, who nodded quickly and gave her a wide smile before heading down the hallway. In fact, she didnât even make eye contact with Yoongi at all as he left the room and she turned back to the computer.
If there was a mood worse than pissed, Yoongi was in it for the rest of the day.
Adrienne hadnât been aware of Yoongi or his reaction to her not speaking to him on the way out that day. She was far too focused on the information Namjoon had revealed to her while they were outside the studio.
âAndy, are you alright?â Namjoon said cautiously, not wanting to startle her as he approached Adrienne, who was crouched against the wall with her head cradled in her hands.
âHm? Oh Joonie, itâs you,â Adrienne exhaled and nodded quickly. âIâll be fine, I just need a few minutes to think.â
Namjoon nodded a few times then moved to take a seat next to her. âYou don't need to push yourself, Suga-hyung can handle all the talking if you want him to. I think heâd be happy to, actually.â
âI donât want him to, though,â Andy replied with a groan. âI donât even know why I couldnât think of anything to say. I don't have a problem arguing for my songs with Yoongi or any of the other producers here. When they put that camera in my face, I just⌠went blank. They probably think Iâm a talentless loser thatâs only working here because Iâm sleeping with your boss.â Andy groaned again and pulled her knees against her chest.
Namjoon laughed silently before resting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. âThereâs no way they think that, have you met our boss?â
Adrienne smiled and shook her head at the ridiculousness of her thought. âWell maybe not, but theyâre probably wondering the same thing I am.â
âWhatâs that?â
âWhy am I here? Iâve been trying to figure that out since I got here, and I just donât get it. No one I talked to when I got here seemed to know anything about me, and yet your boss offered me such an important job. Donât you find that weird?â
Namjoon stroked his chin a few times and looked over towards Adrienne, who still seemed genuinely confused. âNot really. I can tell you why youâre here: itâs because of me.â
âWhat?â Adrienne questioned.
âI started following your Soundcloud a few years ago; Iâm actually kind of a fan of yours,â Namjoon answered sheepishly. âAnyway, when we completed our last album, PD-nim once mentioned bringing someone new in to help with production. I thought of you immediately and convinced him to give you a chance. It was a fight, but he gave in eventually.â
Andy was speechless at the end of his explanation, at such a loss for words, the only way she could accurately express her gratitude was to open her arms and pull Namjoon towards her in a smothering hug. She knew there would be stares and whispers thrown in their direction if anyone happened to see them in the hallway, but Adrienne didnât care. She was feeling so many emotions, there was no way she'd be able to tell him just how much his confidence in her abilities meant to her, even if he had tried.
It was this revelation that gave Adrienne the confidence boost to finish her filming, and having Adrienne hug him put Namjoon higher than cloud nine for the rest of the day. He had honestly considered giving up on pursuing her, especially with Yoongi's lately improved mood, but that hug rekindled his hope. Maybe it wasnât too late for him to tell her how he felt.
Adrienne was not aware of any of this; on the other hand, she was too busy falling in love with her music again. The album was nearly done, which gave her more time to work on her personal tracks when she had the free time.
It was three in the afternoon on a Friday when Adrienne finally found herself back in the company studio, working alone on a track that she and Yoongi had composed together. She wondered exactly where Yoongi was since theyâd agreed to meet today; then she realized that she hadnât really seen or heard from him for most of that week. After they filmed on Monday, he was practically a ghost, and Adrienne didnât even notice until that moment. She thought about calling him but decided against it and pulled her phone out to text him instead.
Adrienne: Yoongi-ah! Where are you, arenât we working today?
A few minutes felt like an eternity before Adrienne's phone finally buzzed.
Yoongi: studio.
Adrienne: ??? thatâs where I am.
Yoongi: my studio.
His cryptic, final response left her puzzled; he didn't answer any of Adrienne's subsequent text messages, which both worried and annoyed her. She didnât know anything about him having a separate workspace apart from the one they shared. With a frustrated huff, Adrienne pushed herself away from the computer desk and went to hunt down her missing partner. After opening many doors that all revealed empty conference rooms, Adrienne finally decided to swallow her pride and ask one of the staff members to point her in the right direction.
She found the room eventually, a small space not too far away from the room they practice in, and saw Yoongi seated in a mesh office chair nodding along to whatever was playing in his headphones. Moving slowly, Adrienne tiptoed as quietly as she could until she was directly behind him, wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his neck. She wanted to respect his decision not to date, but she really couldnât help wanting to wrap herself around him every time she saw him. A feeling that was only intensified since she hadnât seen him all week.
Adrienne expected him to be annoyed or even upset when she pulled her face up and pressed a cheek against his jawline. Instead of scolding her or sighing dramatically like he usually would, Yoongi just sat, staring straight ahead. He didnât react at all until Adrienne jostled his shoulder and made him turn around to face her.
âDo you need something?â He asked with an icy glare that confused Adrienne.
âUm. Well, yeah, weâre supposed to be working today, aren't we?â
âI am working.â
âI can see that, but I thought we would be finishing that song together?â
Yoongi pressed his lips together and swiveled the other way. âI changed my mind,â he stated simply before putting the headphones back on his head.
Adrienne squinted her eyes in confusion, trying to piece together exactly which one of her actions could have garnered this kind of reaction. He couldnât have been this upset just because she hugged him, could he?
âOâkay, well, Iâm here now. I can help out if you want-â
âI really donât need your help, Andy,â Yoongi snapped. âI can handle it by myself, so donât worry about it.â
That outburst was the last thing Adrienne needed to hear to make her lose her meek demeanor.
âWhat the hell is wrong with you?â
âNothing.â
âBullshit, Yoongi, youâre being weird, and I don't understand why because Iâve barely seen you all week.â
âIâm not acting weird! I just donât have time to sit around and waste time talking to you all day. We have an album to put together in just a few months.â He huffed and pulled the headphones off his head, allowing them to clatter against his desk. âIf you want someone to gossip with, maybe you should find Namjoon.â
Those final words made everything click for Adrienne, and she threw her hands up in the air, a loud, humorless laugh accompanying her look of disbelief.
âIs that what this is about?â she asked with a gesture between them before resting her hands on her hips. âAre you jealous that he helped me the other day?â
Yoongi scoffed and rolled his eyes, but Adrienne recognized sheâd hit a raw nerve by the ticking of his jaw.
âAre you serious right now, Yoongi? Do you think youâre the only person that could possibly know how to make me feel better?â
âNo.â
âSo, is no other guy allowed to talk to me unless youâre present?"
âNo,â Yoongi repeated again with a growl. "That's not what I meant."
âThen whatâs the problem?!â Adrienne exclaimed, loud enough for Jungkook and Taehyung, who were about to amuse themselves by bothering Yoongi, to stop in their tracks and turn back the other way.
âI didnât think you were that kind of girl,â Yoongi answered calmly; he made no attempt to match her volume. âJust because we canât be together, you already start working on catching another member? I didnât think you were like that.â
It took a few seconds for Adrienne to really process what he was saying, and by the time he was done talking, she was angry enough to destroy every piece of equipment in his studio. She bottled that anger, taking a deep breath to calm the fury within her until she was no longer boiling over. Her demeanor was eerily calm and decisive as she closed the space between them and rested both her hands on the armrests of Yoongiâs chair, effectively trapping him beneath her hardened gaze.
âLet's get one thing straight,â she said softly as she brought her head down to meet his eye line, âThere is nothing stopping us from being together besides your own cowardice. If you want to hide behind your job and your boss and whatever else youâre scared of, feel free to keep doing it, but donât pretend that thereâs some grand force keeping us apart. Youâre doing that on your own, and you know it.â
Yoongi parted his lips to answer, but she silenced him with a firm finger against his mouth.
âAnd secondly? Namjoon and I are friends. Weâre going to continue being friends whether you like it or not, and if you and your fragile ego canât handle that, then maybe it's a good thing youâre too much of a coward to be with me.â
Adrienne ended her statement by pushing his chair away from her and slamming the door on her way out. She was livid the entire walk home and muttered angrily under her breath the whole way. The audacity of him to suggest she'd just jump to someone else, like some starstruck fan, fueled Adrienne's anger with every passing thought. She couldn't even finish the lyrics she'd been carefully curating. It was meant to be a passionate love song, but the only words she could think of were âfuck Min Yoongiâ â and not in the way she usually wanted to.
Eventually, her anger lured her to sleep. She managed to rest peacefully for exactly one hour until the sound of loud banging on her front door forced her awake. She wasnât expecting any visitors, and Adrienne contemplated grabbing a weapon of some sort until she listened closely and heard a very familiar voice calling her name from the other side of the door.
Admittedly, Yoongi didnât really have a plan.
He thought that showing up to Adrienne's apartment after their fight in an attempt to apologize was a good idea after having dinner with Hoseok. Of course, that was four bottles of soju ago, and whatever he'd planned to say was now just nonsense rattling in his head.
When Adrienneâs door flew open, she still looked as angry as she had hours ago, but Yoongi remained undeterred. He would win her over tonight, even if it killed him.
âHey, beautiful.â He said sweetly, leaning against the frame of the door in an attempt to seem less drunk than he actually was.
âYoongi, do you know what fucking time it is?â
âI think itâs time for you and I to stop playing and do this shit for real.â Yoongi grinned, believing he was being clever.
Adrienne was not amused and looked at him like heâd spontaneously grown two more heads right there on her doorstep.
âAre you drunk?â
Yoongi denied it, of course, with a loud scoff, but he stumbled when he attempted to push himself off the doorframe, and Adrienne rolled her eyes with annoyance.
âOh, you have got to be fucking kidding me,â she muttered into her hands. âGet in here before someone sees you falling over your own two feet.â
Yoongi kept insisting that he was fine but didnât fight back when Adrienne forcibly pulled him into her apartment and shut the door behind him.
âDid you honestly think that this was a good idea? Showing up in the middle of the night, drunk off your ass, telling me we need to do this shit for real? What are you even talking about?!â
âYou think I should have waited until tomorrow?â Yoongi countered, ignoring the bulk of her questions.
â...Iâm not doing this, not tonight,â Adrienne said, sounding exasperated. âYou can sleep it off on the couch until the morning, but Iâm going to bed.â She moved to brush past him, but Yoongi caught her wrist and pulled her towards him.
âIâm serious, Andy,â Yoongi sounded more lucid, though still clearly tipsy and swaying slightly. The bravado he'd tried to project earlier had vanished.
âIâm not afraid to be with you, I know you think that I am, but Iâm not...not anymore. My job is important to me, and Iâve never wanted to risk having anything distract me from being successfulâŚ. Not until I met you.â He said softly, his fingertips gently touching her cheek before curling around her jawline.
Adrienne wanted to pull away, to push him out of her apartment and go back to being angry with him, but the look in his red, puffy eyes broke her heart. So she allowed him to hold her. She didnât respond with words, but her simple action of not pulling away when he cradled her face in his hands encouraged Yoongi to keep talking.
âAnd I donât even mean that I think youâre a distraction, itâs just...â Yoongi sighed and tried to form what he wanted to say in a coherent way, âI was jealous earlier because itâs so hard for me to tell you exactly what I'm feeling when I donât know how to, and Namjoon can talk to you so easily. I wouldnât blame you if you wanted him instead; actually, heâd probably treat you a lot better than I would.â
âOkay, you can shut up now,â Adrienne finally answered with a heavy sigh. âI donât want Namjoon or anybody else. Just you. Do you know how much it hurt me to hear you accuse me of being some kind of tramp just for talking to someone else? "
âI should not have said that,â Yoongi responded quickly, his words still slurring together.
âNo, you shouldnât have. It was a terrible thing to accuse me of, Min Yoongi.â Adrienne chastised while she wrapped her arms around his waist.
âIâm sorry,â Yoongi smiled broadly when she pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. âI really do like the way you say my name.â
âYou do?â Adrienne giggled and looked up at him. âYou should be nice to me so I can say it more often.â
A playful smirk danced along Yoongi's lips when he looked at her again, and he pulled her head close to him and pressed his lips against her forehead in a gentle kiss that traveled down to her temple. He pressed his lips against the skin there as well before his lips skimmed against her ear. âI really want to kiss you, is that okay?â
One of his hands reached up and delicately framed Andy's face, his eyes bore into her own and held her gaze until Adrienne silently gave him permission to proceed. He moved slowly at first, not wanting to give away just how much he had been wanting to kiss her. Once their lips touched, however, it only took seconds for his body to betray his mind. Her lips were soft, just as soft as Yoongi remembered, and he couldnât find it in himself to keep his kiss chaste like he intended.
He spared no time in gingerly teasing her lips apart with the tip of his tongue. Against her better judgment, Andy welcomed the inclusion of his tongue between her lips, dancing her own with his. She smiled against his lips as his hands moved down from her waist to completely engulf as much of her backside as he could between his palms. He pulled her body as close to his as possible, and Andy gasped lightly when his lips parted from her own and attached themselves to her neck. Every curve of her body was pressed against his, and Andy could feel a very good reason for them to stop gently poking her in the stomach.
âCan you make it back to the studio by yourself?â Adrienne asked softly with Yoongiâs face still buried in her neck.
âAre you kicking me out?â He snickered but made no effort to move.
âWonât the boys be wondering where you are?â Andy asked as she began walking backwards, leading them both toward her bedroom.
âHoseok knows where I am, heâll cover for me,â Yoongi answered with a smile.
âYou have to get up early tomorrow, you should get some sleep.â
âI think Iâm going to sleep very well tonight.â
âBut what if-â
Yoongi stopped the excuse machine with a finger on her lips. âIâll get up early and tell everyone I slept in my studio, no one has to know I was here. Except Hobi, but even he isnât stupid enough to say anything. Any more excuses?â
âNo,â Andy replied after a moment's pause, and Yoongi smiled.
âGood.â
In a split second, he had her pressed against the wall. He pushed himself against her and she moaned. He rested his forehead against hers and ghosted his mouth over hers but didn't kiss her. He took her hand in his and trailed it down his chest until it came to the erection resting inside his pants. He wanted to ravage her, to make her feel every inch of him and everything he did to her. Yet, a small chance lingered that he might never have her like this again. So, he decided to take it slow, to tease her, to give her something to remember each time their eyes met. He kept one hand on her hip, while the other slid up her back. Their eyes engaged in an intense stare while he carefully pushed the loose fabric of her sweatshirt up and over her head; the material slowly revealed her bare chest. His imagination was nothing compared to the actual sight of her. It was almost more than he could take.
He trailed his hungry mouth down her chin, over the column of her throat and down the valley of her chest. He kissed all around the globe of her right breast first, and he could feel her heart rate begin to rise as she gasped and arched her back a little. He ran his tongue along the heavy underside of her breast, licking and nipping as he went. He just barely licked her nipple and she whimpered and grabbed his hair, forcing his mouth on her. Yoongi smiled and allowed his mouth to be maneuvered. He sucked her nipple, bit her just hard enough not to cause pain, and squeezed her flesh. His name fell from her lips, and he was sure it was the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. He teased her breasts for several minutes, until she was undulating her hips against him, just begging for some friction. He ran his lips along her stomach and then he was on his knees in front of her. He looked up at her, boring his intense gaze into her green eyes, while he took his time pulling her cotton shorts all the way off.
She shimmied her hips a little to help, and then he was met with the sight of her lacy black thong that did nothing to mask the fragrance of her arousal. He had to look down and take a minute to control the urge to forget the game he was playing and take her right then and there. Adrienne stroked his face until he got control of himself, then he hooked his fingers into the sides of her underwear and pulled them down.
Yoongi moved back a little so he could take her in. She had the most open, trusting expression on her face, and it nearly crushed him to know that he had hurt her just a few hours earlier. His eyes fell from her face to her fit, slim body, and he was immediately inundated with images of all the things he would do to her, if she let him. He wanted to make love to her, fuck her, make her see stars, make her call for God, and make her know that he would do everything in his power to make sure that she never felt hurt again. So he scooted back to her, still on his knees, and he placed his hands behind her legs. He hoisted her up enough for her to place her legs on top of his shoulders, with her back pressed to the wall. He ran his nose up her wet center, and she shivered. He groaned deeply because the scent of her made his mouth water. He teased her before diving in like a man whoâd been starved for weeks.
Every moan and sigh that spilled from her lips spurred him on, and soon his fingers joined his tongue. He slipped one inside her first, then another, and he worked them up and down slowly to get her right where he wanted her. When he felt her orgasm drawing closer, he hooked his fingers at just the right time, and her whole body went stiff. She screamed, alternating between "Yoongi" and "holy shit," and he continued his ministrations until her body was spasming and she was breathing hard. He slowly removed his fingers and gently placed her on her feet again. He made a show of licking his lips and his fingers, and she looked at him through hooded, sated eyes and leaned back to keep her balance. He stroked himself through his pants, and he saw her eyes drop to his crotch.
âI can still go back to the studio if you want me to?" he asked.
Andy licked her lips and shook her head.
"You seemed like you wanted that earlier."
"Please shut up," she replied in a hoarse voice.
Yoongi kept his eyes on her as he pulled his shirt off, then unbuckled his jeans. He slipped his shoes off, then his socks, then let his jeans drop down to the floor, revealing his naked body. He walked back to her and then picked her up by her waist. He wrapped her legs around him and he rubbed himself against her. Both of them groaned. Their lips touched, but they still didn't kiss as he gently pushed himself inside of her, one inch at a time. Adrienneâs mouth fell open, and her eyes closed as she took him in. She was so warm and wet around him that he needed a moment to gather himself. Once he was sure she was okay, he rolled his hips back and forth at a slow pace. She clutched his shoulders and breathed against his lips. The only sounds in the whole house were of their bodies joining and the pleasured moans coming from both of them. They breathed on each other as they moved together. His strokes became deeper and harder, and her sounds got louder and louder. He eventually found the perfect spot for her, which in turn made it the perfect spot for him, and she squeezed him so tightly that he almost lost it.
"Yoongi," she breathed. Her eyes closed as she struggled to string together her thoughts. "I'm...I'm close."
With that declaration, Yoongi finally attacked her mouth hungrily, and their tongues met in a heated union. Their movements became reckless and desperate, and he didn't stop until Andy threw her head back and climaxed, squeezing and milking him so tightly that he couldn't help but follow right behind her. He buried his head in her shoulder as her screams pushed him over the edge, and he emptied himself inside of her.
Neither of them moved for a while as he continued to hold her against the wall. When she finally came down and stopped clenching around him, Yoongi breathed her in and kissed the soft skin of her neck. He nuzzled her with his nose in an attempt to commit the scent of her to his memory. He pulled out of her and placed her back on her feet when he finally felt the strength return to his legs. Without a word he guided them both towards the edge of Adrienneâs bed and they both fell face first into the covers.
The room was silent except for the sounds of their heavy pants and stray whimpers. Adrienne finally worked up the strength to roll onto her back and curled her nude body around Yoongiâs arm. Their eyes met and he smiled. It wasn't a smirk or a pouty grin, but a genuine full smile that bared every one of his glistening white teeth and made Adrienne feel at home within his arms.
Summary: Yoongi is back from tour for a day and Miso tries to make the best of it. Chaeyoung seeks advice on her new relationship with Hoseok. Sooah and Jimin try to be helpful, while Kaya tries to get her boyfriend to stop smoking.
Pairing:Â OT3 x OC (feat. Jimin x OC) (different OCs)
A/N: No, this hasn't been edited because I wanted to post it before I end up delaying this for another week. I hope this came out the way I pictured because the way I pictured it was 𼰠This is set about six to eight weeks after Late Night Call.
Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @confessionsofamarshlily@jiminjhang@xjoonchildx@tarahardcore@infinitehobi@handfullofcandids@whoisbts @jihopesjoint @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)
Yoongi steps out of his building, running a hand through his long hair and checking his phone for his emails. There might be a meeting today; he hasnât been invited to it yet and he hopes it stays that way, but thereâs really no telling.Â
He squints slightly as he steps out, tilting his head up to the sky before he puts on a pair of sunglasses. Itâs a beautiful day, the kind that movie montages are made in, but his is a day of errands and catching up on work so he doesnât see himself being able to enjoy it. He heads out to the above ground parking for his Range Rover, but does a double take when he reaches.
Standing next to the hood of a car and holding a coffee, Miso smiles a rare smile. âHi.â
Yoongi halts before taking two slower steps, feeling a smile already creeping up his face. âAm I in a dream? What - whatâs happening?â he asks, taking off his sunglasses. âYouâre alone? And smiling? Who died?â
She gives him a look but her shoulders are still relaxed as she reaches behind her and reveals another cup of coffee which she brings to him.
âYou said you had a break for two days in Seoul and miraculously, one of them coincides with one of the rarest, most auspicious days that only comes about once every year or so,â she tells him, handing him the cup. âAlso known as the day my father is abroad and Seungkwan is at my motherâs disposal for the entire day, thereby leaving me to blissfully exist as their last priority.â
Yoongi takes the cup with a chuckle, no longer a stranger to her dry humour. âSo you came to see me?â
She nods, and he thinks he sees a tinge of pink creeping up her cheeks. âThe whole⌠asking my father for my passport thing didnât quite work,â she admits, pushing her own sunglasses up her nose. âBut your tour seems like itâs going well and⌠I donât know. I guess for one day, you can tell me about it in person instead of over text at some ungodly hour of the night.â
Something expands in Yoongiâs chest but doesnât acknowledge it out loud. This might be the most spontaneous heâs ever seen Miso and it feels too precious to disturb.Â
âSounds like a plan,â he agrees, sipping the coffee and feeling like heâs finally waking up. âI do have some stuff to get done today, though,â he warns her. âI need to meet Jimin for a quick thing before picking up some stuff in Gangnam, then the studio -â
âAre you trying to get rid of me?â she asks, and he canât tell if sheâs joking.
Yoongi exhales, taking her coffee cup from her hand and placing both cups behind her on the hood of the car. Ignoring her mild frown, he tugs her gently by the hand and slowly wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her to him. He waits until she hugs him back, a bit stiffly, before frowning suddenly.
âItâs okay that Iâm doing this, right?â he asks, pulling away slightly. âI mean⌠you wonât get in troubleâŚ?â he ventures, looking around suddenly as though expecting to be filmed.
âI donât think my father has spies in the UN Village tracking me,â she says lightly, before stepping away.Â
Yoongi nods. âItâs good to see you, Kang Chanel,â he murmurs, leaning forward and pressing a lingering kiss to her cheek.Â
Her mouth curves upwards slightly, but then she rolls her eyes. âDonât get sentimental on me, Min Suga.â She steps backwards and opens the driversâ door to the car and slides inside. âYouâll be late for your errands,â she informs him, tucking her coffee into the holder next to the gear shift.
Missed you, too. He follows suit, strapping himself into his seat while she fiddles with the stereo, the morning already seeming brighter.
â
âYouâre going to be late, you know?â
Namjoon nods and rolls them over, gently pressing her back into the bed as he captures his lips in hers. âYouâre the one making me late, if that makes you feel better,â he murmurs against her jaw.
âWay to shift responsibility,â she responds, wrapping her arms around his neck and sighing softly, feeling his arms slide down her waist.
âYou came in here and took off all your clothes as I was about to leave,â he reminds her, lips moving down her collarbone, past the flimsy material of her top. âHow is that my fault?â
âI came here to change my pants,â she retorts, pushing him back so theyâve switched positions. Kaya sits up, straddling him, and runs a hand through her long hair so it falls gracefully down one shoulder. âAnd only because you spilled water on them,â she adds with finality.
Namjoon grins up at her, eyes hazy with arousal, and her heart skips a beat. Maybe itâs the shirt heâs wearing this morning, maybe itâs the residual aftermath of their break-up from last year, but itâs harder than ever to stay apart. But she has an important date with herself today, and itâs a working day for her boyfriend.
âThatâs right. I was picturing you taking off all your clothes,â he amends, sighing dramatically. âGuess Iâll be picturing it all day now.â
âYou do that.â Kaya pats his chest and climbs off him, reaching for a pair of jeans and pulling them on. She feels Namjoonâs eyes on her and holds his gaze as she gets dressed, until he finally sits up.
âCan you just fucking move here or something?â he asks wistfully. âI really miss you.â
She nods in understanding, not knowing how to respond to that. âI miss you, too. Your apartment is, like, five times the size of mine.â
He clicks his tongue. âThe bigger it is, the emptier it feels.â He frowns slightly. âBy the way, your mouth tastes of watermelon,â he says curiously.
âWatermelon?â
âYeah. Hang on - I canât be sure. Câmere,â he mutters, pulling her by the hand and kissing her. âYep, thatâs watermelon. I canât remember the last time I had something that healthy in my house,â he remarks, raising his eyebrows.
âItâs probably the supplement Iâm taking,â she guesses, turning towards the mirror and finger-combing her hair. âItâs Vitamin D and iron and something else - I donât remember.â
âWhat do you mean? Did a doctor tell you to take them?â
âYeah, he thinks itâs because Iâm not getting enough sleep,â she says absently. âThis last stage of my dissertation is killer so he thinks it might be causing deficiencies of some kind in my system.â She shrugs. âBut watermelon, huh?â
Namjoon looks like heâs about to say something but shakes his head at the last moment. âYeah. Itâs nice.â He wrinkles his nose. âIs that weird? Liking what you taste like?â
She bites her lip and meets his gaze in the mirror. âNo, itâs endearing. I kind of miss what you taste like, too, when weâre not together.â
âYeah?â His smile widens as he leans back on his hands, tossing his hair out of his eyes. âWhat do I taste like?â
Kaya hums, thinking. âChocolate. Dark chocolate,â she clarifies. âSometimes red wine, sometimes straight up whiskey,â she adds, noting how he chuckles self-consciously. âSometimes that coconut water that you have stockpiled in your studio.â
âWow.â He nods thoughtfully. âWhat do I taste like today?â
She locks her eyes with his in the mirror again. âCigarettes.â
Thereâs a pause where she can see him being caught off guard by her response, before his shoulders fall slightly. âHave to admit, I didnât see that coming.â
Kaya finally turns around and crosses her arms across her chest, feeling a little guilty about potentially ruining a nice moment. âLook, I donât want to be that girlfriend - the one who tells you what to do and what not to do⌠so if you could just realise it on your own?â she ventures, raising her shoulders.
âItâs not like Iâm doing it regularly,â is all he says, but she can sense his feeling of being caught.Â
âYeah, I know, which is why I donât really bring it up. But I also havenât ever tasted it on you at ten in the morning,â she points out. âDo I need to be worried?â
She waits for the answer to be an immediate no, but when Namjoon sighs and hesitates, her heart sinks a little in disappointment. âI donât think so,â he says a little later. âJust⌠with the album and everything, things have been a little stressful. I know you know what thatâs like.â
She scoffs. âWeed is nowhere near as bad as pure tobacco. And Iâm definitely not smoking up first thing in the morning.â
âLook, Iâve stopped before and I can stop again. Iâll have to - itâs not like I can keep it going in the military.â
Thereâs a pause. âFine. Prove it,â she says. âGo the rest of the day without a single cigarette, and Iâll probably believe you.â
Namjoon raises his eyebrows. âSeriously?â
âYeah. Maybe Iâm being a buzzkill but unfortunately for you, I love you and Iâd rather not see you die an early death.â
His jaw hardens slightly. Then he shrugs. âFine. I wonât smoke the rest of the day if you donât stay away from work for the rest of the day.â
âWhat?â She scoffs again. âHow is that the same thing?â
âOverworking wonât kill you the way smoking will, but it canât be good. Kaya, youâre supposed to be on vacation,â he reminds her. âYouâve been here four days and youâve worked during all of them. Last night, you were up later than I was. Youâre on medication because of it.â
âTheyâre supplements,â she corrects him, feeling distinctly called out. âAnd⌠this isnât about me.â
âYou can be worried about my health but I canât be worried about yours?â He stands up, his height making her heart stutter again. âI think itâs a fair bet, no?â
Kaya narrows her eyes at him. âFine. I wonât work. Thatâs easy.â
âThat includes checking your emails.â
She feels her face fall slightly. âThatâs⌠fine,â she repeats, although less confidently this time. âIâll be able to tell if you smoke. The smell lingers,â she informs him.Â
âIâm aware. And checking your email and visiting your college intranet leaves timestamps.â
âDeal.â She sticks out a hand which he takes, shaking it before tugging her towards him. Her stomach flips. âWhat are you doing?â
âNothing,â he says, grabbing her around the waist and tossing her on the bed, making her gasp in surprise. âJust kissing on it.â
â
Chaeyoung checks her reflection in the mirror, checks her small overnight suitcase and checks her phone, before stepping out of her room and shutting the door behind her. She can hear Sooahâs voice in the living room and with some trepidation, she heads over to her and Jimin lounging on the sofa.
âItâs just ridiculous,â Sooah is saying, slamming her laptop shut and tossing it to the side. âEvery day is a nightmare of indecisiveness and I have to waste my time executing every idea and negotiating with vendors, just when she changes her mind because of a Pinterest post.â
âHer own management has to be pretty pissed, too,â remakes Jimin, lying down by her side and scrolling through his phone. âOi - what if she goes so overboard that they just has, like, a breakdown? And the whole thing has to be cancelled?â
âDonât even say that,â she warns him when she catches sight of Chaeyoung. âAfter all this effort if we actually lose this client, I can probably kiss my job goodbye. Hey,â she says to Chaeyoung with a sigh. âSorry, was I too loud?â
âNot at all,â she answers, shaking her head as she approaches the couple. âIs everything okay?â
âNo, but Iâm not going to worry about it today,â decides Sooah. âI have the day off so Iâm not thinking about it till Monday.â She frowns. âWhy do you look so worried?â
âDo I?â When Sooah nods, Chaeyoung takes a deep breath and sits on the coffee table, opposite her and Jimin. âActually⌠I could use your help. Both your help.â
âOh?â Sooah raises her eyebrows as Jimin sits up as well next to her, dark hair tousled. âWhatâs up?â
âWellâŚâ Chaeyoung takes another deep breath, running her hands down her thighs. âI need some⌠advice. About - okay, wait. Oppa, this stays between the three of us, right?â
Jiminâs eyes widen and he looks around, clearly not expecting to be called out. âI - yeah. Of course. Who would I tell?â He looks from Chaeyoung to Sooah. âOkay. Fine. Yes, of course this stays between us.â
âOkay, then.â She tries again. âI need advice,â she repeats. âLike⌠dating advice. As you know, Hoseok and I have been sort of dating for a few weeks now,â she begins, when Jimin whoops. When both girls simply frown at him in confusion, his grin vanishes.
âOh. Sorry. It felt just a cheer-worthy moment. Sorry. Carry on.â
âWell, itâs been going⌠well. Surprisingly well. But itâs also⌠I donât know, casual? Like, neither of us are talking about it in depth, about where we are, how serious we are - all that stuff.â
âSo⌠why donât you just ask him?â Sooah suggests. âAre you worried youâll scare him?â
âNot exactlyâŚâ Chaeyoung struggles to articulate it. âI donât think itâll freak him out. I just canât be the one to bring it up. I guess I just want to know where he is with all this, you know? Especially because weâre both going back to Gwangju today for the long weekend and my brotherâs going to be there, too, which is sure to freak Hobi out andâŚâ She lowers her eyes and sighs. âI donât want him to start reconsidering this or something.â
Jimin shakes his head slowly. âI donât think you need to worry about that. He talks about you a lot,â he adds earnestly.Â
âNo, not reconsidering⌠you know, dating me,â she replies, trying to ignore the warmth creeping up her face. âBut⌠I just want to go there knowing where we are, hopefully without having to talk about it. How he feels or- orâŚâ She trails off, feeling a bit exposed as she says it out loud.
âChae⌠Iâm afraid Hoseok is the only one that can actually tell you,â says Sooah slowly.Â
âIsnât there any kind of way I can make him bring it up?â Chaeyoung presses. âYou know about our past. I really donât want to be the one all eager to have the conversation about us - I just canât do it. Especially since weâll have to spend the whole weekend pretending to be casual friends connected through my brother anyway.â Chaeyoung shakes her head. âLook, you two have known each other for decades, too,â she points out. âHow did you know how you felt about each other when you started going out last year?â
Sooah and Jimin look similarly doubtful, but Jimin is the first to speak.Â
âWell⌠I always knew how I felt about Sooah,â he begins, shrugging in a matter-of-fact way as he glances at his girlfriend. âMaybe the intensity changed when we spent years apart and the rest of the time⌠I guess I was in denial,â he admits sheepishly, grinning when Sooah fondly punches his shoulder. âBut Sooah was always the one, ever since we were fifteen. Sheâs Kim Sooah. Sheâs fun, sheâs smart, she brightens up every room⌠and sheâs only gotten hotter over the years,â he adds seriously.
Chaeyoung exhales, saying nothing as she turns to Sooah whoâs gazing up at Jimin with a sparkle in her eye. âUnnie?â
âOkay, first of all, I canât ever stay mad at him for longer than five minutes because he says things like that,â she says dryly, tucking a lock of hair deliberately behind her ear. âAnd⌠Jimin is the absolute sweetest guy I know. Thatâs been the case since we met in high school - he was cute and shy but he was already the best person I knew. Heâs loyal and hardworking and, uhâŚâ She reaches over and taps his bicep. âAs millions of girls will second me, he is a total smokeshow.â
Thereâs a moment of silence before Jimin sighs. âCome here,â he murmurs, pulling Sooah to him and wrapping his arms around her. âI love you, Kim Sooah,â he says, kissing the side of her head.
âI love you, too, Park Jimin,â she says into his shoulder. âWeâre so lucky!â she exclaims, making him laugh.
Jimin hugs her tighter. âI know. I canât even remember what we were fighting about,â he adds, making her laugh and nod.
Chaeyoung stares at them. âYou werenât fighting. You were helping me with my problem.â
âRight.â Jimin and Sooah separate, clearing their throats before the latter leans forward. âChae. What exactly are you afraid of?â
âActing like the thirteen year old me around him,â she answers instantly. âIâm not that person anymore and heâs not that person anymore. Weâve both grown up and I just want to know how he feels without actually asking him how he feels.â She places her hands on her lap, having said her piece. âSo? Any words of advice? Because weâre leaving for Gwangju in, like⌠half an hour.â
The silence is deafening.
âOkay, thanks.â Chaeyoung nods and stands up, feeling like she might spiral when Sooah stops her.Â
âLook, I get it. I promise, weâll think of something,â she assures her, squeezing her hand.Â
âHey, maybe Yoongi hyung will have some ideas,â pipes up Jimin, reading something on his phone. âHeâs coming over to drop a demo tape for me before he flies out again on Sunday.â
âNo! God, Jimin oppa -â Chaeyoung clicks her tongue while Sooah slaps his shoulder. âThis stays between us, remember?â
âFine, fine,â he says quickly, backing away. âHeâs almost here anyway.â He turns to peer out the window. âWait - I think thatâs his car.â
Miso pulls up outside the building and switches off the car. âIs this it?â she asks, looking up at the small structure with half a dozen floors, vines and leaves decorating a single side.
âYeah,â mutters Yoongi, unstrapping the seatbelt. âI donât know if everyoneâs home but Jiminâs definitely here so Sooah must be, too. Come on,â he says, moving to open his door.
âOh, yeah - no.â Miso shrinks back into her seat. âIf you just need to go up for a second, Iâll wait down here.â
Yoongi frowns. âWhat? Like a chauffeur? Miso - this is Jimin. You know Jimin.â
âYes, but itâs not like weâre friends. And I donât know his girlfriend either.â She shakes her head with finality and sits back in her seat. âIâll wait here.â
He stares at her for a few seconds before speaking again. âYou know, it wouldnât hurt to step out of your comfort zone once in a while. What exactly are you afraid of with Jimin?â
Miso bites her lip, aware that thereâs no way to explain just how terrible she is with people, but also aware that Yoongi of all people should know this. The last thing she wants to do today is bicker with him, however, so she sighs and nods.
âFine. Letâs go.â She unstraps herself from the seat and catches Yoongiâs pleasantly surprised expression. âDonât get excited. Youâre just dropping off a tape, right? So, like⌠a couple of minutes, tops?â
âAbsolutely.â
They reach the apartment and Yoongi rings the doorbell while Miso hangs back slightly, feeling anxious. When the door opens, itâs done by a girl Miso has never seen before: petite with long hair and doe eyes, so slender that she looks like a gust of wind might blow her away.
âHey, Yoongi hyung! See, I was right,â comes a voice from inside the house that Miso recognises as Park Jiminâs, smug and musical all at once. She follows Yoongi inside, noting the double take Jimin does when he spots her.
âUh - hi, noona,â he says, sounding a bit uncertain but immediately introducing her to the two girls that she presumes are the actual residents of the apartment. She gives them an awkward wave in response, continuing to stay out of the way as a wave of low chatter ensues, easy and familiar as though theyâve all known each other forever.Â
 âOh, thanks.â Jimin sighs when Yoongi hands him a small, sleek silver pendrive the size of a grape.Â
âJust remember to add backing vocals to it or itâll sound way too flat,â says Yoongi, picking up his bag and looking ready to leave. Miso exhales in relief and starts to move towards the door when Jimin stops them.
âWait, this doesnât have backing vocals?â His eyes widen dramatically. âI thought Hobi hyung already recorded them!â
âDidnât have the time,â says Yoongi, shrugging. âJust get together with him in the studio tomorrow and ask him to ad lib it. Iâll be gone but you can ask Miso and Donghyuk for help,â he adds, evidently not realising how Misoâs heart almost jumps out of her chest at hearing her name. âShe composed most of it anyway.â
He looks automatically at Miso and she nods slowly, her eyes flickering between Yoongi and Jimin. âUm, yeah. Sure. Come to the studio when - whenever.â
âUh, thanks, noona, but thatâs not the problem. Hobi hyung wonât be there,â says Jimin. âHeâs leaving for Gwangju today.â
Yoongi swears under his breath. âOh, come on. I donât think Iâll be able to squeeze it in today,â he mutters, checking his phone.
âHeâs on his way here right now.â The petite girl with the headband pipes up. âIf thatâll help.â
Jimin and Yoongi exchange looks while Miso feels a looming dread.Â
âI have a portable mic and my laptop,â volunteers Yoongi, shrugging. âQuality wonât be as good but it should work for now, until heâs back and you can do it at the studio.â He turns to Miso, as though to see what she thinks, but the semi-smile fades, presumably at her expression.
Saved by the bell, she thinks murderously as the girl in the headband - Chaeyoung, Miso remembers suddenly - skips over to open the door again, this time to see Hoseok standing in the doorway.
âHey, y - oh, hey,â he stutters, his tone changing when he takes in the half a dozen people in the living room. âUm -â His eyes fall to Chaeyoung, who bites her lip and lets him in as their eyes dart around awkwardly for a moment before he finally presses a quick kiss to the top of her head.Â
Chaeyoung is blushing as she closes the door and Hoseok troops in, catching sight of Miso. âOh, wow! Hey, noona,â he says, high-fiving her as though sheâs an old friend he hasnât seen in ages. It occurs to Miso suddenly that the last time she saw Hoseok, she was drenched with blood running down her face, and her greeting is therefore a bit subdued.
âSoooo, whatâs going on?â he asks, looking around. âIs there some party happening at -â He checks his watch â- eleven fifteen in the morning that Iâm not aware of?â
âWe need you to record something for us,â informs Yoongi as Jimin reaches over and grabs Hoseok by the arm, steering him over to one of the bedrooms.
âNow? But we have to -â
âIt wonât take long,â interrupts Jimin, before peering over his shoulder at the rest of them. âYou ladies are okay to wait for a little bit, right?â
Chaeyoung and Sooah shrug and mumble unintelligibly, while Miso glares at Yoongi.
âComfort zone,â he reminds her in a low voice, turning around and walking backwards, ânoona.â
âBite me, Min Suga,â she hisses, wanting to throw something as he flashes an amused grin at her before disappearing into the room with his group members.
Miso tears her eyes away from the door with difficulty to see the two other girls looking back at her. âUm,â she begins, clearing her throat awkwardly. âMaybe I should⌠leave,â she ventures.
âOh.â Sooah frowns curiously, perching on the arm of the sofa while Chaeyoung sifts through the fruit bowl on their small dining table. The entire living room is roughly the size of Misoâs bathroom, and the photo frames and trinkets, the mismatched pots with leafy plants interspersed across the room and the soft throw across the back of the couch would give her mother a heart attack. Part of her wants to touch the throw, for it looks incredibly soft.
âDidnât you come with Yoongi? You can wait with us, if you want.â She smiles a confident, easy smile. âWe wonât bite.â
She offers so nonchalantly that Miso almost finds herself considering it. âI just - I donât want to intrude,â she says, âespecially if you have plans or -â
âDamn it, not this again!â Sooah exclaims suddenly, her eyes on her phone. âIâm so sorry to interrupt, unnie. Itâs just this - this crazy client is ruining my day off.â
Miso raises her eyebrows while Chaeyoung snorts. âYou sound like you could use a drink.â
âYou know what? I really could.â She strides into the kitchen and Miso can hear the sound of a cabinet creaking open.
âWait, I was joking - Sooah, itâs not even noon.â
âSo? Itâs noon somewhere,â she calls from inside the kitchen. âAnd as I recall, donât you have to spend the next two days around your family pretending like you and Hoseok arenât an item?â
âThatâs right. Grab me a glass, too?â
âYou got it. Miso unnie, youâre drinking, too, right?â
Miso, who had been ready to take this as her chance to leave, freezes. âUm -â She sighs quietly. âI have to drive,â she says after a moment.
Sooah pops her head out of the kitchen. âCanât Yoongi drive?â she asks, just as muffled music begins playing from inside one of the bedrooms.
âRight,â mutters Miso through gritted teeth. âYoongi.â His slightly mocking refrain of comfort zone, noona comes back to her; she doesnât want to prove him right but at the same time, she remembers how his pensive face had broken into a smile at the sight of her this morning. Itâs infuriating, but almost as though she canât help it, Miso finds herself nodding.
She traipses into the kitchen to see Sooah retrieving wine glasses one by one from a cabinet while Chaeyoung cuts up an apple into smaller pieces. A bottle of white wine sits on the counter; Miso picks it up, not recognising the name, and turns it over. Automatically, her gaze drops to the price sticker, which explains why sheâs never heard of this wine. She places it back carefully on the counter, musing wryly at her fatherâs reaction if he were ever offered a drink at this price point.
The kitchen is small and cluttered, but itâs the sight of two young women bustling around inside it thatâs truly remarkable to Miso. Itâs a far cry from her parentsâ personal chef that moves robotically around their sleek modern kitchen that makes her dread every mealtime.
âSo, unnie, youâre a record producer, too?â Sooah asks as she hands her a glass.Â
âUm, yes. At Hybe. Thatâs how I know those guys,â she adds, pointing vaguely towards the bedrooms.
âWow, thatâs so cool,â says Chaeyoung, sounding rather like she means it. âFemale producers are so rare.â
âItâs badass,â agrees Sooah, popping open the bottle and pouring some into her own glass.
Miso doesnât quite know how to respond, for itâs quite possibly the first time anyone has ever referred to her as cool, let alone badass. When Sooah brings the bottle to her glass and raises her eyebrows questioningly, Miso simply nods, feeling unexpectedly gratified, and takes a sip. Sheâs pleasantly surprised to discover that the wine is delicious.
Sooah agrees apparently, taking a much larger sip and sighing as she clutches the glass to her chest. âIâm going to get fired. All because this headcase of an actress canât make up her damn mind.â
Chaeyoung catches Misoâs eye and tilts her head. âShe works in event planning. Right now sheâs got this client whoâs⌠what can I say?â she asks Sooah. âMaking her life hell.â
âHell,â repeats Sooah. âBut, no, thatâs not even half of it. So, okay, the way this client actually got signed was through her cousin whoâs friends with our CEOâŚâ
Sooah takes them through the entire story of her hellish client, a minor actress who she says she canât name due to an NDA, but drops enough hints that Chaeyoung at least seems to know who sheâs talking about. Miso nods along at every pause, taking cues from Chaeyoung as to when to chuckle or make sympathetic noises. She wonders, though, if these girls really are being terribly polite for the sake of their boyfriends in letting her stay here and drink their wine.Â
They are much younger than her - that much Miso can tell instantly, and sheâs sure they can as well - but thereâs a level of ease with which theyâve welcomed a new person into their home that Miso doesnât even feel she can relate to. She takes a piece of apple when Chaeyoung offers her the bowl; she wonders if this is a regular occurrence for them, preparing their own snacks, cleaning their own kitchen, having their friends come and go without care.Â
Somewhere along the way during the story, they end up sitting on the kitchen floor and facing each other, cradling their glasses while the bottle sits in the middle of their little circle.
â- tries way too hard. But maybe Iâm wrong. Unnie, what do you think?â
It takes Miso a moment to realise sheâs lost track of Sooahâs story. âUm⌠I thinkâŚâ Shit.
âChae doesnât agree with me,â adds Sooah, pointing at her roommate who shrugs matter-of-factly. âShe thinks the clientâs management makes most of these decisions but sheâs getting all the flack for it because sheâs a public figure. But sheâs the one paying her management,â she says, giving Chaeyoung a pointed look.Â
âBut donât you think artists could be getting manipulated by their management, too?â Chaeyoung presses, turning to Miso. âHobi told me it happens a lot.â
âOh. Uh -â Miso swallows. Sooah seems like the kind of person whoâs had friends and admirers her whole life, while Chaeyoung is more insightful than Miso can remember being at that age (or any age). Therefore, itâs somewhat strange how theyâre both looking expectantly at Miso, as though genuinely wanting her opinion on this topic.
âWell, itâs true,â she begins slowly, her eyes fixed somewhere on the floor between both the girls. âSometimes decisions taken by an artistâs team can reflect badly on the artist. But thatâs why we limit the access that managers get to the studio, so that they have some freedom to express themselves honestly. Sometimes theyâre a whole different person.â
Both the girls nod seriously.Â
âBut sometimes theyâre just a bitch.â
Thereâs a pause before Sooah snorts and Chaeyoung laughs, and they begin debating which one this mysterious client is more likely to be. Miso listens, a strange sort of lightness spreading through her chest at this unexpected approval. She takes another sip of the delicious wine, which only seems to have gotten sweeter.
âSo, unnie,â begins Sooah after a little while, âhow long have you and Yoongi been dating?â
Miso chokes. âOh, weâre not - weâre not dating. God, no.â As she says it, a series of images flash through her mind in no particular order: their hands meeting in a pitch black elevator, a coat room and a sudden kiss, sitting fully clothed under a running shower, falling asleep in the comfort of his arms. âI mean⌠weâre colleagues. And friends, I guess. Kind of.â
âOh. Sorry. It seemed like you two were - anyway, I shouldnât have assumed.â Sooah taps her roommateâs knee. âLittle Chaeyoung here is having relationship troubles and I thought we could help -â
âUnnie, shh!â Chaeyoung whispers, looking terrified as she whips around in the direction of the bedrooms.Â
âOh, donât worry,â says Miso. âAs long as you can still hear that clicking sound, it means the record is playing and theyâre still working.â
They all fall silent, collectively listening for the sound. After a few moments, Chaeyoung nods, looking relieved as the clicking is replaced once again by louder music.
âOkay,â she sighs heavily. âThatâs a relief. And Iâm not having relationship troubles,â she disagrees, glaring at Sooah. âIâm just⌠having trouble.â
âYes, and we are here to help,â replies Sooah reassuringly, helping herself to another glass of wine. âBut Iâm not even sure you know fully what youâre having trouble with.â
âYes, I do! I told you, I -â She pauses abruptly to turn again and make sure theyâre alone. âI want to know where we are as a couple,â she says clearly, in a low voice. âI want to have the conversation without, you know, actually having the conversation.â
âBut whatâs the outcome youâre looking for? Do you want to attach a label to the relationship, do you want to know how serious he is about this - everything depends on that.â
âI just want to know how he feels!â Chaeyoung exclaims, clearly getting frustrated now. âBut I want him to initiate it - like, I donât want to direct the conversation at all. I mean - look, heâll tell me if I ask him. But weâre just - weâre casual right now. I canât be the one to ask. You know that,â she says with finality. âI just canât.âÂ
Thereâs a pause for several seconds after which Sooah takes a deep breath and shrugs. âOkay, then. It has to be some sort of gesture. Hey, maybe you can get someone else to get him talking. I can ask Jimin if youâre willing to -â
âNo!â Chaeyoung shudders. âAbsolutely not. Jimin is very sweet but heâs⌠I mean, heâs not the mostâŚâ
âHeâs got a huge mouth, I agree.â Sooah bites her lip. âMaybe weâre going about this the wrong way. I donât know - do you think weâre missing something, unnie?â
Chaeyoung follows Sooahâs gaze and once again, Miso finds two sets of eyes looking at her earnestly, waiting for her advice. She frowns in mild internal panic; this entire line of conversation is so far away from anything sheâs familiar with that she canât imagine contributing anything meaningful to this debate.Â
Still, thereâs something about the way both girls have turned to her that makes her feel responsible for providing the right guidance, despite how out of her depth she is.Â
âWell,â she says finally, taking a sip of wine (delicious, fruity, summery) before leaning back against the cabinet and bringing her knees to her chest. âSometimes, when we have an artist or a group that isnât committing to dates or being really closed off about their future plans, we tend to bring in another artist to the discussion, just to observe their reaction.â She gives them a small shrug. âIt gives us a reasonable indication as to where they are.â
Sooah scoffs quietly. âHoly shit. I canât believe I didnât think of that.â
Chaeyoung shakes her head, eyes wide. âWhat?â
Sooah pats Misoâs knee casually. âYouâre a genius. Chae - I mean, this is going to be kind of an unfeminist suggestion, but if you want to know how he feels, a great way is to make him jealous,â she suggests, sipping her wine conspiratorially.Â
âHuh. That could work. How, though?â
âOh, thatâs easy. Fake a run-in with an ex, fangirl over a singer heâs worked with - the world is your oyster,â she answers breezily, stretching her legs out in front of her. âTrust me, itâll totally work. Donât go overboard to the point where heâll sulk the rest of the night but a little jealousy - foolproof for a reaction.â
âOkay. Oh, my God, I canât believe I finally have an answer to this,â says Chaeyoung, laughing weakly. âI swear, I was up half the night wondering how to talk about this, you know -â
âWithout actually talking about it,â all three girls say it in unison. Miso doesnât realise sheâs laughing with them until Chaeyoung brings her glass to the middle of the circle and all them clink their drinks together. They hear the bedroom door open and the sound of footsteps and low chatter until Jimin, Hoseok and Yoongi reach the kitchen.
âAlright, weâre done here,â says Hoseok, gently tapping Chaeyoungâs shoulder. âAre you ready to leave?â
âYeah,â she says, standing up and placing her empty glass in the sink. Sooah stands up as well, handing her glass to Jimin who downs the remaining drink in one go. Miso stands as well, meeting Yoongiâs meaningful gaze. When he raises his eyebrows, she rolls her eyes and silently tells him to shut it.
They donât talk about it until theyâre back in the car and halfway through the rest of his errands. Miso can tell he wants to bring it up but heâs unsure, and she isnât sure sheâs fully processed it herself. About an hour and a half later, they stop at a roadside ramen place on a highway outside the city on their way back from Incheon. Out of habit, Miso parks some ways away from the stall and they walk the rest of the way.
âI got it,â says Yoongi, placing a couple of bills on the counter as she picks up two packs of DIY ramen. Miso says nothing, squinting mildly at him until he turns to her and they fill their bowls with hot water before walking back towards her car.
âItâs a nice day,â he remarks after a while, just as they reach. They take off their jackets and sit on two tree stumps facing each other before digging in with their disposable chopsticks.Â
âIt is,â she agrees through a mouthful of ramen. The light afternoon breeze feels nice on her arms and through her loose sleeveless top after the air conditioning of the car. She looks around, reasonably pleased with her choice of rest stop. Theyâre away from the bustle of the city, by a desolate road with trees and vegetation on either side. Thereâs no pollution, no traffic and no people.
âYouâre a cheap date, Kang Miso.â
She chuckles. âIs that what this is?âÂ
âAt the risk of being presumptuous, Iâd say so.âÂ
Ignoring the dull thumping of her heart, she tosses her hair off her shoulders and looks up at him. âSo, this is what a date with Min Yoongi looks like?â She reaches for her can of Diet Coke from where itâs placed on the dry grass, next to the packets of seasoning and bottles of water. âThe tabloids need to know, in case it is.â
âThis is not what a date with Min Yoongi looks like,â he clarifies. âBut like I said, youâre a cheap date. Which is a hell of an irony,â he adds dryly.
âI can surprise you.â
âYes, you can. I think the sight of you on Sooah and Chaeyoungâs kitchen floor definitely convinced me of that.â He makes a gesture with his hand when she groans, as if to indicate that he hasnât forgotten. âYou were smiling when I walked in. You mightâve been - dare I say it - having fun.â
âIt was okay,â she says nonchalantly. âI mean, they were nice. But. You know.â She shrugs, keeping her eyes on the last of her ramen before scooping it up with her chopsticks. âNot really my type.â
âThatâs probably true,â he agrees. âTheyâve got that nice, wholesome thing going on, like Hoseok and Jimin. But it didnât kill you,â he says after a moment.
Miso sighs, knowing she canât skirt around it for much longer. âNo, it didnât. In fact⌠it was kind of nice.â She presses her lips together. âI dunno, can I say something kind of pathetic?â
âGo for it.â
She sucks in air through her teeth, her tongue hot from the spicy food. âIt was kind of what I imagine itâs like to - to have friends. Like in the movies?â She registers his face changing momentarily and quickly continues. âBut anyway. I think that was all the boy talk I could handle.â
âOh, boy talk? Do tell.â
She chuckles. âUnfortunately, what happens in the little girly circle stays in the girly circle.â
Yoongi grins. âI donât know why youâre surprised. Youâre not that bad to hang out with.â
âStop, Iâm swooning.â
He gives her a look. âIâm serious.â He reaches for her empty bowl and starts packing up their trash. âI know youâve been surrounded by some real douches in your life but that doesnât mean you are one. You just need to put in a little effort.â
She squints and stands up. âWhere to next? Did you say you need to be at Hybe by five?â
Yoongi observes her for a moment but thankfully lets it go. âYeah. I think we have some time for a smoke, though?â
Miso nods, heading to the car and retrieving a pack from the glove compartment. She shuts the door behind her and tosses the pack to Yoongi, who takes out two cigarettes and lights them one by one. She follows him a few feet into the woods so theyâre away from the road.
âThanks,â she murmurs, taking one from him. âNothing like fresh air, huh?â
Yoongi takes a long, deep drag in response and closes his eyes. âI get why we canât smoke on tour but⌠man, I wish we could.â
âDoesnât time apart make the heart grow fonder?â she asks. âEvery puff of nicotine must be better than you imagined.â
Yoongi nods, flicking ash with his thumb. âI did imagine it quite a bit.â He meets her eyes. âItâs really hard to stay away, though.â
Miso clenches her jaw in an effort not to smile and doesnât reply, smoking in silence. Yoongi finishes his cigarette first, savouring it until itâs nothing but a stub.
âAre you sure you wonât have paparazzi following you?â Miso asks.
âHere?â He takes a couple of steps towards her, slow and casual. âIn the middle of nowhere? Definitely not.â
She nods, less successful in hiding the smile that flickers across her face this time. She juts her chin towards the stub between his fingers. âIf you burn my clothes, I will kill you, Min Suga.â
âDuly noted.â Holding her gaze, he drops the stub and steps on it before closing the gap between them and kissing her. Itâs hungry and longing, his hands cradling her face; Miso stumbles slightly before taking a few steps backwards until her back hits a tree.
She kisses him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and reaching up on the tips of her toes. His cologne smells delicious, almost as if itâs coursing through her veins and waking her up after months of sleep.Â
âYou know,â he murmurs, lips moving down her jaw, âif you burn my hair, Hybe will probably sue you.â
Snickering, she drops her own cigarette on the ground and puts it out with her shoe before pulling him back to her. Sheâd chosen this place for a reason; unlike any other place in the city, a random ramen stall and surrounding woods would be the one place where his celebrity and her situation wouldnât matter. For once, they would be alone.
Yoongiâs hands slide up her waist, lifting up the corners of her top. She can feel his bulge hardening against her hip and pulls him closer by his belt loops. She snakes one hand down to palm him, enjoying the way he gasps against her lips. He hardens against her hand with every touch, until she swiftly undoes the button of his trousers and unzips it before slipping her hand into his boxers.
The moment she touches him, Yoongi pulls away and grabs her wrist. âWhoa. Are you serious?â
Miso raises her eyebrows and retrieves her hand, hooking her fingers on the elastic of his boxers. âDo you want me to stop?â
âIt - itâs not that. Itâs justâŚâ He looks around. âHere?â
She holds his gaze. âIâll stop if you want me to⌠but if the location is your only issue, then -â She shrugs deliberately. â- you may want to step out of your comfort zone, Min Suga.â
Yoongi bites his lip and against her hand, she can feel him strain against his boxers. âYouâll be the death of me, you know that?â he murmurs, capturing her lips in his once again.
Taking it as his consent, she slips her hand into his boxers again, finding him hard and erect. She strokes him as they kiss and runs her thumb against the head of his cock, her back against the tree and his long hair brushing her cheekbone.
âFuck,â he gasps after a few minutes, pulling away and dropping his head on her shoulder. Miso squeezes his shoulder before kneeling on the wild grass and tugging his boxers down slightly, just enough so she can take him in her mouth.Â
Itâs quiet and intimate, in the privacy of the wilderness and mutual trust. Yoongiâs hand is gentle on the back of her head, fingers tangling in her short hair while the other is pressed against the tree for support. His gasps are soft, voice quiet as he swears under his breath until he breathes her name, and climaxes in her mouth.
âFucking hell,â he sighs, running a hand through his hair once his trousers are back in place. His cheeks are slightly flushed and his eyes are hazy as he meets hers. âI⌠fuck, youâre amazing,â he murmurs, bending his head to kiss her again.
Miso kisses him back, her hand resting lightly on his shoulder. âI figured if we want to go any further, this probably isnât the best place for it.â
He chuckles, still looking a little winded. âYou read my mind. Come over to the studio later?â He takes a step closer to her, eyes searching hers, almost like heâs pleading. âDonât get me wrong, but⌠I donât think weâre nearly finished here.â
That makes her laugh. âDuly noted,â she says, reaching for his crotch again. She watches as he raises his eyebrows in surprise but says nothing, holding his breath while her hand roams his hips until it stops over his pocket. She reaches in to retrieve the pack of cigarettes. âFor the road,â she says nonchalantly.
They share a cigarette this time. Miso looks over at the horizon as they walk back to the car, trying not to think about how low in the sky the sun is already. Itâs only late afternoon, but the day is coming to an end. Standing by the car, she lets Yoongi have the rest of the cigarette.
âWhatâs wrong?â
Miso shakes her head, not turning around. âNothing.â
âAre you sure? You have that look on your face.â
âThatâs just my face.â
âMiso.â He waits until she turns around, leaning back against the side of the car. âDid I do something? Back there? Did I say -â
âNo, Yoongi.â She exhales, swallowing. âIâm fine.â
âOkay. But donât say thatâs your face,â he tells her, gathering all their trash in a polythene bag and knotting the ties. âIf you recall, I saw your face today. Your real face - the one you have when youâre having fun.â
Miso rolls her eyes, although unsure why. âNot this again. Yeah, it was nice while it lasted but I donât really see myself hanging out with them again. Believe me, they donât want that either.â
Yoongi scoffs. âThatâs just not true. You have this image of yourself thatâs all closed off and difficult to be around, but youâre not like that at all.â
âReally? You think Iâm all sunshine and daisies like Chaeyoung and Sooah?â
âNo, not quite,â he admits, sounding far calmer than she is, which annoys her more. âBut you arenât nearly as antisocial as you make yourself out to be. If anything -â He stops abruptly, apparently deciding not to say anymore.
Miso raises her eyebrows. âWell, donât stop now. You sound like youâre on a roll.â
He gives her a look, as though asking her not to be angry. âIf anything, I think you use it as an excuse to not make an effort.â
She nods and puts her sunglasses back on. âGot it. I think we should go now.â She turns to open the driverâs door but Yoongi grabs her forearm.
âHey, I donât want to fight,â he says softly. âI donât mean to make you mad or - or call you out or anything. But youâre capable of building friendships,â he says, and even through the dark glass, she can feel his eyes piercing hers. âOr at least getting along with people. If you could let go of this facade you keep up and just let yourself be the person that I seeâŚâ He squeezes her hand before letting it go. âI think youâd be surprised what a little bit of effort can do.â
For a moment, Miso isnât sure whether to scoff or cry. Her shoulders fall, but her tone is less combative when she speaks again.
âYouâre going to be late,â she mutters, touching his shoulder lightly and hoping heâll take the hint and end this conversation here. Thankfully he nods and steps away before heading to the other side of the car. They duck in and buckle their seatbelts and theyâre on their way without another word.
âJust to be clear, though,â he asks after a couple of minutes. âShould I be calling you noona?â
âNot unless you want me to stab you in your sleep.â
âGot it.â
â
Thereâs nothing quite like home. These words were said by her mother, in laughter and mirth, in one of Chaeyoungâs favourite home videos of her childhood. Now, grown up and living by herself in the capital, she finally gets it.
Everyone seems to, in fact. Her brother is at ease on their parentsâ sofa, Hoseok seemingly even more so, and Hayoung, her brotherâs girlfriend and their classmate from high school, seems like a natural part of their small group of four.
The family dinner is over and itâs just them in the living room, laughing and chatting about their lives and old stories. She and Hoseok are sitting on opposite sides of the room, careful to be as nonchalant as possible. She glances at him to find him already looking at her; the moment their eyes meet, his mouth starts to curve upwards and she looks away immediately. Part of her wants to tell him to cut it out, but the other part, the part that still secretly recalls the teenage Chaeyoung that lived in this house, lets it happen.
Sooah [20:10]
Girl! Did you do it yet?
Chaeyoung bites her lip, keeping her phone screen tilted away from Hayoung whoâs sitting next to her. It was bad enough that when theyâd reached, her father had immediately asked, in front of everyone, the embarrassing question of Did you thank Hoseok oppa for giving you a ride? It had taken every bit of her resolve to look Hoseok in the eye, while he tried with all his energy to keep a straight face, and respond with thank you, oppa in the most innocent way possible.
The way his face had gone red was enough for Chaeyoung, but sheâd opted to drop him a text right after as well, asking if there was anything she could do to really thank him. Itâs been ten minutes and youâre killing me, caterpillar, was what heâd replied with, giving her a satisfaction she hadnât expected.
Now, he and Chanyeol are guffawing as they try to remember the words to some song their classâs football team had penned to insult a rival schoolâs, which Chaeyoung takes as an opportunity to respond to Sooah.
Chaeyoung [20:12]
Not yet. Iâm kinda rethinking it if Iâm being honest. Weâre not even technically in a relationship yet. Do we even need to have this conversation?
Sooah [20:13]
Thatâs why youâre not having the conversation. Youâre just trying to get a reaction out of him thatâll do the work for you.
Right. Chaeyoung locks her phone and places it next to her. The trick is to maneuver the conversation correctly, she decides. She tries to pay attention to what theyâre talking about, wondering if she can find an in.
â- he was the guy who got dropped from the team because the goalie didnât like him - no wait, youâre right, it wasnât him.â
âYeah, that guy was a senior. I remember because he was dating that girl in our coaching class - what was her name?â Chanyeol frowns, clicking his tongue. âThe one whoâs working at Google now.â
âHaneul,â says Haeyoung, and both guys chorus in agreement. âShe was really pretty - and she had a brother, too, if I remember correctly.â
Chaeyoung sits up straighter. Jackpot. âYeah, his name was Jihoon,â she adds casually. âHe was a couple of years above me - I think he joined a band. We ran into him in Seoul, remember, oppa?â she asks Chanyeol.
âOh, yeah,â he says slowly, before frowning. âWait, wasnât he the guy who had a thing for you when you were in college or something?â
âM-hm,â she answers, taking care to only observe Hoseok out of the corner of her eye. âHe asked me out a couple of times but it didnât really go anywhere.â
âWait, I remember him,â pipes in Hayoung. âYeah - didnât his band perform at that festival in Busan last year? It was all over the school Instagram page.â
âOh, I remember that!â Hoseok exclaims, nodding. âI went with Namjoon - they did that cover of Sweet Child of Mine. It sounded even better in person,â he tells them.
Chanyeol and Hayoung nod, vaguely impressed, while Chaeyoung frowns. âYeah, well - I actually ran into him again, just a few weeks ago. Right after that big storm,â she adds pointedly, this time glancing at Hoseok for a few seconds as well. âHis band is performing again and he asked if Iâd like to go watch him.â
âOh, you definitely should,â says Hoseok emphatically, to her surprise. âEspecially if itâs a place with good acoustics because the instrumentals were fantastic.â
âOkay,â says Chaeyoung, after a pause. âWe ended up chatting for a while actually. He said if I want, I can go backstage as well. Apparently the have an after party with loads of booze.â
Chanyeol clicks his tongue disapprovingly. âLoads of booze with a bunch of older musician types? That sounds like the exact kind of situation I donât want you in.â
Chaeyoung starts to scoff, but Hoseok speaks up instead. âHey! Iâm one of those musician types!â
âYouâre an idol, dude. Youâre not one of those musician types,â he clarifies. âI donât see a ton of drugs or single girls being invited backstage to your concerts. No offense.â
âNone taken - I think.â Hoseok chucks a piece of popcorn at Chanyeol. âBut I wonât tolerate this slander.â
âExactly - Chan, you have to let her live,â adds Haeyoung, both of them clearly enjoying ganging up on her brother, who groans. âThis is the age to have fun experiences like that. Chase, just make sure enough people know where you are. I mean, this is where it comes in handy to have a family friend in the entertainment business,â she adds wisely, pointing exaggeratedly at Hoseok.
âPrecisely. Thank you, Hayoung,â says Hoseok loudly. âChae - I will need all your information before we send you to this party from Chanyeolâs nightmares.â Both he and Hayoung laugh at Chanyeolâs stony expression while Chaeyoung stays silent, wondering where the hell sheâs going wrong and wanting to throttle Sooah.
âJust make sure you take pictures, too,â continues Hayoung, âalthough if he still has a crush on you, you could wear anything and it wonât matter.â
Hoseok laughs even harder, clapping his hands at Chanyeolâs horrified groan. âAdding onto Chanyeolâs worst nightmare! Maybe there will be cocaine, too - I mean, donât do any, of course,â he adds quickly to Chaeyoung, as though advising her to wear a seatbelt. âBut definitely take pictures.â
Chaeyoung grits her teeth. Donât go overboard, Sooah had said confidently, but thatâs seeming like a non-starter at this point. âI will,â she says, now no longer bothering to be subtle about checking for Hoseokâs reaction. âAlthough he did seem like he just wanted me to go. Turns out he just broke up with his girlfriend.â
Next to her, she can sense Hayoung frowning at her curiously, just enough to give Chaeyoung the validation that sheâs saying the right thing to raise eyebrows - just not the right eyebrows.
Meanwhile, Chanyeol grimaces while Hoseok nods sympathetically. âPoor guy,â he remarks. âA concert could be good to make him feel better, though.â
âYeah, Iâm sure it will,â mutters Chaeyoung, standing up and trying not to storm out of the room too obviously. She doubts any of them will care that sheâs gone. Itâll leave them to their reminiscence about high school until Chanyeol and Hayoung retreat to his room and Hoseok - well, it doesnât really seem as though Hoseok cares about anything at all.
She reaches her old bedroom and slams the door shut behind her, refusing to cry over Jung Hoseok in this room ten years later. Her real beef, she decides, is with Sooah; sitting briskly at the foot of her bed, she swipes up her phone screen with force to bring up their chat, when thereâs a knock on the door. She ignores it, but it repeats again.
âGo away,â she calls. âIâm naked.â
âUhâŚâ The voice deliberately lowers. âIs that supposed to keep me away?â
Rolling her eyes, Chaeyoung stomps over to her door and unlocks it, turning away before it can even fully open. From outside, she can hear Chanyeol and Hayoung saying goodnight.
âYeah, Iâll just get my charger - probably in Chaeâs bag!â Hoseok says loudly. âSee you guys in the morning!â There are a few more words exchanged before she hears the bedroom door close and assumes the coast is finally clear.
âHey,â he says, and his voice is completely different, gentle and tender - and uncertain. âIs something wrong?â
âNope.â
âI donât believe that for a second, Chae. Come on, you can tell me,â he presses, reaching for her arm which she dodges. âWait - are you mad at me?â
âOh, no,â she says, finally turning around and shrugging. âNothing to be mad at. Obviously youâre okay with me going to a random party with musician types and doing a ton of drugs - why would I be mad?â
âOkay, I specifically said not to do any drugs,â he clarifies. âBut⌠wait, is that why youâre mad? Arenât you the one who hates it when me or Chan try to tell you what to do?â
This is unfortunately true, but she doesnât opt to respond to this. âSo - just so Iâm clear,â she says instead, crossing her arms across her chest, âyouâre totally okay with me going to this party?â
âI mean⌠yeah, I guess. Just donât drink too much and keep your phone on,â he says, almost as though heâs guessing the correct answer. âAnd donât do any -â
âOh, God, enough about the drugs!â she interrupts, rolling her eyes and scoffing when he immediately shushes at her to lower her voice. âDo you really not care that a guy whoâs older than me - a single guy - whoâs in a band and had a crush on me is inviting me backstage to a party? Seriously?âÂ
âOf course I care! I want you to be safe - thatâs why I said that thing about keeping your phone on and - and not drinking!â
âThatâs all you care about?â she cries incredulously. âWhat - what is it? Is it something about being back here that makes you just - just not care at all about anything other than annoying my brother? You arenât the slightest bit jealous that a single hot guy who might very well be hitting on me is inviting me to a party without you?â
Hoseokâs forehead clears slightly, but he still looks confused. âYou - youâre mad because Iâm not jealous?â When she simply shakes her head and turns away in answer, his tone softens. âBut⌠why would I be jealous?â
âI donât know, Hobi,â she mutters, throwing her phone on the bed and feeling completely ridiculous about this entire plan. âI guess I thought that since you allegedly have feelings for me, maybe it would bother you that someone else does, too.â
âBut why?â He sounds genuinely bewildered. âI mean, I trust you. What do I care if he has a thing for you? I know nothing will happen - youâre not that kind of person. I trust you,â he repeats, like heâs saying something really obvious.
âI -â Chaeyoung opens her mouth but nothing seems to come out. Hoseok still looks concerned, but his response is so out of syllabus that she doesnât quite know how to respond.
âChae, come on. I know youâd never do anything with another guy - youâre honest. And kind.â He takes a hesitant step closer to her. âI donât think thereâs anyone in the world I trust more than you. I mean, I guess I might be jealous if you liked him, too,â he says after a moment. âDo you?â
âNo,â she says immediately. âOf course not. I justâŚâ Thereâs a trickle of embarrassment thatâs there, somewhere, but somehow it doesnât seem very important right now. She purses her lips before sighing and letting her shoulders fall. âI get it.â
âOkay,â he says softly. âYou still seem mad, though.â
âYeah, I am mad,â she answers, although with far less feeling than before, âbecause⌠Sooah gave me some advice and you⌠you just went completely off script.â She sighs and walks up to him. âCome here,â she mutters, reaching up and wrapping her arms around his neck. He hugs her back immediately, arms automatically tightening around her waist.
âSo I did say something wrong,â he guesses, sounding less anxious than before.
âNo, unfortunately, you said all the right things,â she confirms, feeling stupid and silly in retrospect. He kisses the side of her head in response and she closes her eyes. âThank you, oppa.â
âYouâre welcome,â he murmurs against her hair, slowly stroking her back now. âJust⌠just donât do any drugs, okay?â
âJust one hit of coke.â
âDonât think for a second I wonât rat you out to your brother, caterpillar,â he warns, pulling away but not stepping back. âIf you arenât careful, youâll find me at that party, too, watching your every move.â
Chaeyoung snickers. âDeal.â
â
Itâs a breezy night, cool and quiet. Miso steps out of the Hybe building, ready for her last smoke before she needs to head home. It sours her mood slightly; her high from the hour she spent with Yoongi in his studio also seems to be waning.
She lights a cigarette, hitching her bag higher on her shoulder. Yoongi said heâd meet her in a few, right after heâd innocently asked her if sheâd be willing to give him a ride back home. She turns around and leans backwards against a low square-shaped area, just under a huge plant. She takes a deep drag and exhales, closing her eyes, opening them in a snap when she hears someone cough.
Turning towards her right, Miso sees a woman on the adjacent side of the square, leaning back in the same position. She turns at the same time and waves a hand.
âSorry,â she says in English. âI meanâŚâ Itâs clear sheâs struggling for the word for a few seconds. âUm -â
âNo worries,â replies Miso, registering her surprise at getting a response in English. âI shouldnât be smoking out here in public anyway.â
âOh, thatâs⌠fine.â
Sheâs beautiful - itâs the first thing Miso notices, her hair long and soft down her back, her eyes dark and expressive. She also looks familiar; Miso tries not to frown too obviously, for sheâs definitely a foreigner, but sheâs blanking on where she might have seen her before.
âDo you work here?â she asks, putting her cigarette out in a nearby trash can.
âOh, no,â the girl says, shaking her head. American accent. âIâm just waiting for someone. A friend.â
Miso nods, not prying. âSorry about the cigarette. I didnât think thereâd be anyone here this late.â
âThatâs okay. Itâs kind of ironic, actually,â she adds, âbecause I bet my - friend - this morning that he couldnât go a whole day without smoking.â
âYeah? What happens if he loses?â
âUh, I donât know because I think he might be winning.â
âIsnât that a good thing?â
The girl winces. âI donât have a clue if he actually smoked today, but he bet me in return that I couldnât go the whole day without checking up on work, andâŚâ
Miso raises her eyebrows. âReally? You couldnât go a day without working? You must really love your job.â
âSure, although some people call it workaholism.â
Miso chuckles at her wry tone. âNothing wrong with a little self-awareness.â
âI have resisted so far, though,â she points out. âBut Iâm at the end of my tether and if he keeps me waiting too long, I may have no choice but to check my email.â She sighs dramatically and smiles, glancing sideways towards the entrance of the building and fluffing out her hair.
Miso follows her gaze to a small group of three people talking, particularly the tallest one, and something clicks. âNamjoon?â she asks, noting how the girl does a double take. âIs that the friend youâre waiting for?â
She smiles sheepishly. âIn a manner of speaking.â
âDonât worry, Iâm not press or anything,â she confirms. âAnd I realise now where Iâve seen you before. We met at Taehyungâs birthday party, like a year ago. You were with Namjoon and I was with⌠well, never mind.â
The girlâs eyes light up in recognition. âOh, yeah. Of course. Iâm sorry - Iâd had a lot to drink that night and I donât really remember a lot of it⌠Iâm Kaya,â she finishes, giving her a radiant smile.
âMiso.â They shake hands and Miso moves to stand opposite her by the wall. âItâs nice to finally meet the muse thatâs probably inspired his last album,â she adds.
âReally?â Kaya frowns and glances back at him, looking confused but not altogether displeased. âDoes he write a lot of songs about doctoral students struggling with insomnia?â
âYeah, but he really romanticises the workaholism. Heâs got a way with words.â
Kaya laughs. âIt could be worse, I guess. Especially if I lose this damn bet.â
Miso frowns curiously. âNot to be dismissive of your work or anything, but⌠is it really that hard to switch off from it? Or do you not want to?â
âI donât know.â Kaya shrugs. âI wish I could. But Iâve spent so much of my life planning and working towards this that missing out on something important just because I want to take a break⌠it just feels like I might regret it. Itâs too important now. Itâs whatâs kept me going all this time.â
Miso nods, silent. It doesnât sound like anything sheâs ever felt before. She thinks about her job, the one she has now, the one she had to beg her father to keep. But even in her most stolen moments, she struggles to find the purpose present in Kayaâs voice.
âWow,â she says finally. âHow do you find that, do you think? Something that keeps you going?â
Kaya thinks about it for a few seconds. âI canât remember, honestly. I guess⌠when you think about what you want your life to look like in five years, or ten. When you think about the future and find something that sticks.â
Wake up, rinse, repeat. Thereâs Hybe and her parentsâ house, Seungkwanâs car being the intermediary. âI canât remember the last time I thought about the future.â Itâs too fucking depressing. She glances up at Kaya, whoâs still looking at her, almost encouragingly. âI guess⌠when I went to college. In Australia.â
Kaya raises her eyebrows, a smile flitting across her face. âIâve always wanted to go.â
âYeah. Itâs lovely. Four years of school, and then I worked at this pub in Sydney, not far from the beach. I was doing branding for them, initially, and then I started meeting some of the local artists theyâd bring in to do live music,â she adds, before trailing away. âAnd then I met a record producer there who asked me to work for his company. A small one, in New South Wales.â She pauses. âYeah, I guess that was the last time I ever thought about the future. Australia,â she repeats, the name sounding like an old friend on her lips.
âSounds to me like something to keep you going,â agrees Kaya softly.
Miso nods slowly. The day is still coming to an end and tomorrow still looks bleak as ever. But a happy memory - or a series of them - has surfaced after a long time and for that she is grateful.Â
Someone calls out her name just then and she jumps slightly, turning around to see Yoongi leaving the building from a side exit. He waves at her - and Kaya, she realises - as he walks towards them, then stops abruptly, picking up his phone. Visibly groaning at the caller ID, he holds up a finger and answers the call.
âYoongi?â Kaya asks as Miso turns back. âA friend, I suppose?â
No, just a colleague. But the smirk playing on Kayaâs lips is too knowing and Miso tries to fight her own fleeting smile. âIn a manner of speaking.â
They share a laugh as Namjoon approaches them, looking somewhat surprised to see Miso. âMiso, how are you?â he says formally. âThis is -
âWeâve met,â says Kaya, in English.
âYeah, we kept each other company while we waited,â adds Miso, before switching briefly to Korean. âYouâve made a good catch.â
A surprised sort of smile appears on his face, but he nods humbly. âI agree,â he mutters knowingly. âAre you waiting for Yoongi hyung?â
âYeah, heâll just be a minute.â She notices him moving to stand next to Kaya, the way their bodies tilt unconsciously towards each other. âIt was really nice to meet you, though,â she says to Kaya.
âYou, too,â she replies immediately, smiling that same charming smile and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she turns to Namjoon. âReady to go?â
Namjoon nods and they all bid farewell to each other, including silent waves to Yoongi across the entrance of the building. As they move to leave, something occurs to Miso. She turns to look at Yoongi, who gives her quick smile when he meets her eyes, still on the phone.
Turning back, she calls out Kayaâs name, who stops a few seconds before Namjoon does, about five feet behind. Miso walks up to her, heart racing slightly in anticipation.Â
âEverything okay?â Kaya asks, when sheâs close enough.
âYeah. I wanted to askâŚâÂ
Miso bites her lip, thinking of cigarettes, fully clothed showers and beaches in Australia.
â...do you want to exchange phone numbers? Just to keep in touch?â
â
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Summary:Â Chaeyoung helps Hoseok in a vulnerable moment. In the dead of night, Miso and Yoongi finally have a long overdue conversation.
Pairing: Yoongi x OC, Hoseok x OC (different OCs)
Genre:Â Angst
Word count: 11.2 K
Rating:Â 18+
Warnings:Â language, alcohol, mentions of a panic attack, mentions of parental abuse, mentions of blood and violence
A/N: It's been a long time since I've posted - in the k-pop world, this might be known as a comeback. But I kid. Thank you for being patient and I hope this fic is worth it. This fic is set around two or three months after Interlude: Hyung Line.
Listen to:Â "just the two of us" by kauai45 and sweet cocoa
yoongi masterlist | hoseok masterlist | main masterlist
Yoongi pours a large pint of beer into two glasses and takes them out to the dining table. He places one in front of Hoseok with a soft thud, making him jump slightly.
âCheers,â offers Yoongi, raising his own glass.
âTo what?â
Yoongi shrugs. âA night off. Your album launch?â He nods when Hoseok exhales heavily and drops his face into his hands. âHeadlining Lolla? Thatâs a huge fucking deal, you know?â
âOh, I know,â he mumbles, voice muffled in his hands. âHuge deal. Huge set list, huge crowd, huge risk of it sucking.â
Yoongi sits across from him and frowns, clinking his glass with Hoseokâs which is still sitting untouched in front of him. âSince when? You were practically giddy during the meeting about it earlier.â
Hoseok gives him a look. âI canât be negative about it in front of them,â he says with a grimace. Catching the look on Yoongiâs face, he hurries to continue. âNot that Iâm negative⌠exactly. Itâs just⌠everythingâs going to be different now.â
Yoongi doesnât answer immediately, instead taking a large sip of his beer. Hoseok isnât buzzed enough for his feelings to tumble out freely, but Yoongi suspects he isnât referring just to their solo ventures.
âItâll be good for us,â he says eventually, but doesnât elaborate.
âYeah? You think?âÂ
âSure.â
Hoseok raises his eyebrows, evidently expecting a more emphatic response. âSo youâre not worried about your tour at all? Because I got to tell you: sneaking shots backstage before performing as a group was fun. Doing it yourself is just⌠depressing.â
âYou underestimate me,â mutters Yoongi, but flashes him a smile to let him know heâs joking⌠kind of. âYou should be less nervous, though. Your album release was a success. Sales-wise and PR-wise, especially after the listening party.â
Hoseok hums, drinking his beer. Itâs unusual for him, Yoongi reflects, to seem this anxious, almost as though heâs lost. Somehow, aside from Namjoonâs responsibilities as leader and Seokjinâs general disposition to look out for them, if thereâs anyone whoâs level-headed and goal-oriented to the point of being a co-leader of the group, itâs usually Hoseok.
âIf anything, youâve given the rest of us the confidence that people will care about our music even if we aren't together,â says Yoongi after a moment, hoping it will encourage the younger member.
Hoseok nods, although he seems far away. âThereâs too much at stake,â he murmurs. âIt can make or break the rest of our careers.â
Yoongi frowns slightly, for he's not wrong. But before he can join Hoseok down this rabbit hole, Yoongi hastens to bring him out of it. âEverything you did for the listening party worked. It was a hit. And you seemed to be having fun with Chaeyoung.â
He'd added that last detail as casually as possible, but it catches Hoseok's attention. âYeah. Yeah, I guess.â Hoseok stays silent for a few seconds. âDo you think it's weird that I invited her?â he asks suddenly, his tone different and his torso leaning forward slightly.
âNo,â answers Yoongi. âWhy? Do you?â
âNo. I don't know.â He clicks his tongue, looking deep in thought. âI think she did. But I can't be sure.âÂ
âDid she say something?â
âShe seemed a little surprised, I guess.â Hoseok shrugs uncertainly. âIt's hard to tell. We're not in a very⌠forthcoming place right now.â
âSo why don't you say something to her?â
âI did,â he reminds him forcefully. âOn Sooah's birthday. I told her it was a bad idea and we couldn't be together but we were still hanging out and⌠eventually hooking up again,â he adds, a bit abashedly, âbut after what I said, I don't know how to move forward without making a mess of everything.â
Yoongi, not one to pry, waits for Hoseok to reveal more information, for he certainly isnât going to ask. âYou guys seemed close at the party,â he remarks.
âYeah. We always have fun together. Not that kind of fun,â he adds with a face, as Yoongi chuckles behind his glass. âNot just that kind of fun,â he amends, his ears reddening slightly.
âBut you're hooking up,â he confirms seriously.
âWe haven't had sex, if that's what you're asking,â informs Hoseok, a little defensively. âIf it's anything serious⌠she deserves better than an awkward friend-relationship for that,â he admits in a mutter.
Yoongi doesn't reply except to lightly clink his glass with Hoseokâs. He's certain his friend doesn't know this, but Hoseok in love is a predictable machine. The last time this had happened was when they were still trainees; that entire situation had had the distinct desperation and immaturity of teenage hormones and insatiable hunger.Â
Now, with the wisdom that age is bound to bring, Hoseok is more restrained and thoughtful, but still the same nevertheless. The emphasis on fun (a baseline requirement for him), the overthinking about whether she felt comfortable or weird about something, the subtle ways he kept her on a pedestal - theyâre all classic signs. Had it been a simpler situation, such as one where Hoseok had no lifelong loyalty to her older brother, Chaeyoung would be the most affectionately courted young woman in Seoul right now.
As it is, Hoseok is staring into nothing, a frown between his eyebrows. âThere's just⌠way too much on my mind right now. Even sleep is hard to come by sometimes. I don't know - what do people do when theyâre stressed? What does Namjoon do?â
âWallows, mostly,â says Yoongi. âWhen he's in a productive space, though, he goes to the gym.â He shrugs. âWe could go to the gym.â
There's a pause before both of them snort.
âFeels good to laugh,â chuckles Hoseok, chugging a quarter of his beer before abandoning the rest. âI'm driving,â he adds, âbut I wouldn't mind a snack, honestly.â
Yoongi makes a face but doesn't argue, pouring the remaining into his own mug as Hoseok stands up and shuffles into the kitchen. As he hears the cabinets opening and closing, the doorbell rings. Not quite expecting anyone except an Amazon package that usually gets delivered to the lobby downstairs, Yoongi peers through the peephole first. He frowns - for his eyes have to be deceiving him - and opens the door, an incredulous expression on his face that fades when he takes in her appearance.
Kang Chanel pushes her hands deeper into the pockets of her hoodie, her shoulders hunching. âYou said I wasn't a project, right?â she reminds him lightly, as though she's referring to an argument about ramen toppings. âWell, here's your chance to prove it.â
Yoongi stares. It's probably rude that he hasn't invited her in yet but he can't help it. Her clothes are wet - he realises now that it's raining outside - and as she pulls down the hood of her sweatshirt and shakes out her wet hair, he notices at once that it's shorter than before.
But that isn't even what he's looking at.
âWhat - what happened to you?â he murmurs hoarsely, before snapping out of it and standing aside to let her in. She takes a couple of steps and stops, droplets of water pooling around her feet on his clean, tiled floors.
âWell, it's raining,â she answers, making a fuss of wiping her wet hair off her neck and retrieving her phone from her hoodie pocket, clutched tightly in her hand, all the while averting her eyes from his. âIt was a drizzle when I left but I didn't think it would get so bad -â
âThat's not what I'm talking about,â he interrupts her. She pauses, clearly aware, but doesn't elaborate and doesn't quite meet his eyes either. âWhat happened to your face?â
Miso takes a deep breath and looks up at him, and he can almost make out the wheels turning in her mind as she evaluates how to answer this. At that moment, however, Hoseok appears in the hall with an energy bar in his hand.
âIs someone at the - oh.â
Miso's eyes widen. âOh, I didn't realise you had company. I'm sorry, I should've called, I guess,â she mutters, turning her face away slightly, Yoongi knows, to hide the gash from Hoseok's view.Â
âIt's fine, he was just leaving.â Yoongi meets Hoseok's horrified gaze and gives him an imploring look, hoping he will understand. To his credit, despite knowing nothing about Miso's background, the kindest person Yoongi knows nods wordlessly, the opened energy bar in his hand forgotten.
Both he and Miso stay silent as Hoseok hurriedly pulls on his shoes and moves to the door. âIs - is there anything I can do?â he asks when he's at the doorway.
Yoongi glances at Miso before turning back. âI don't think so,â he says. âBut, Hobi -â He pauses as Hoseok meets his eyes again, and this time Yoongi shakes his head a miniscule amount.
Hoseok nods. âOf course,â he says in a small voice, before closing the door behind him.
Just the two of them now, Yoongi turns to Miso, ready to speak more freely now. But she beats him to it.
âDo you mind if I take a shower?â she asks quickly. âIâm freezing. I mean, I know it's unexpected. We're⌠colleagues. Like, I know it would be weird for sure if I showed up at Donghyuk's and asked to shower -â She breaks off when she catches sight of his expression, unmoving. Her words are tumbling out of her mouth, her tone jerky and her shoulders still hunched, as though expecting to be caught at any second.
Yoongi has so many questions, but if there's ever been a time when she's seemed more like a hunted animal, he canât think of it.
âBathroom is down the hall to the right,â he says at last, noting how she nods in barely masked relief. âFresh towels are on the rack. I'll, uh⌠get you some clothes.â
Miso nods. Her mouth trembles slightly; whether it's the cold or something else, he can't tell, but when she wipes her face with her hand and winces upon touching the cut, smearing blood further across her pale cheek, any further words die in his throat.
He waits in the living room until he hears the door to the en suite in his room close and the shower start. He rummages in his closet to find dry clothes for her, a pair of joggers and a t-shirt, all the while trying not to let his mind wander down dark paths, for he will learn what happened soon enough. Thereâs no point, he thinks stoically, as he yanks a hoodie from its hanger with force, of imagining something that may very well have not transpired at all.
The shower is still running when he knocks softly at the door. âMiso,â he calls, as gently as he can. âI'm leaving some clothes on the bed. I'll be outside, in the kitchen,â he adds after a moment. âThe door will be closed. The bedroom door, that is.â Cringing at himself, he turns to leave when he hears her voice from inside, unmistakable even through the water.
âCome in.â
He freezes, for surely he must have heard her incorrectly. âUm -â He clears his throat and cranes his neck so his ear is to the door. âWhat - what did you say?â
âCome in.â
There it is. It's muffled through the water but the words sound exactly the same. âIt's - it's Yoongi. Uh, Min Yoongi,â he adds for good measure.
âYoongi,â she states, but he canât make out tone or mood. âCome in.â
It occurs to Yoongi that sheâs said it three times now; any more and he becomes the Neanderthal who canât follow a simple request. Hesitating a little, he opens the door to the en suite and steps in, unexpectedly relieved that the glass door to the shower is still closed and fogged with steam.
He places his folded clothes on the basin slab and turns towards the shower, not moving a muscle. For some reason, his palms and the soles of his feet feel tingly, almost as though theyâre bracing themselves for stimulation. But it feels wrong, too, and Yoongi wishes Miso would tell him clearly what to do.
âYou can come in.âÂ
Her voice is softer now, as though she knows heâs closer. The steam rises from above the glass door and it takes a certain effort for Yoongiâs feet to leave the floor. His stomach leaping, completely off rhythm with his steps, he places his hand on the handle. Wildly, for a moment, he wonders if he should take off his clothes, but immediately dismisses the thought. Tonight doesnât seem like that kind of night.
Yoongi opens the door slowly, his heart slowing when he doesnât see Miso where he was expecting - standing in the middle of the shower - and instead spots her on the floor, sitting under the stream of water, fully clothed and hugging her knees to her chest. She looks up when she sees him.
âSorry,â she mutters. âThe hot water felt really good.â
Still in the doorway of the shower, droplets splashing onto his t-shirt, Yoongi debates what to do. Miso doesnât say any more but the fact that sheâd asked him not once, but thrice, to come in tugs at his heart. Sheâs never looked more alone; part of him wonders if sheâs testing him, to see what he will do next.Â
The steam is starting to make him sweat now. After a moment, he slips out of his sliders and steps into the shower as well, sitting on the floor opposite her. The water is scalding; he hisses as it hits the back of his neck and shuffles on the floor until heâs sideways with his back to the wall, the water now mostly hitting his track pants. He looks up to see her mouth twitching slightly at this spectacle, but doesnât comment on it.
Yoongi canât hold it in any longer. âWhat happened, Miso?â he asks quietly.
Miso sighs and runs a hand over her wet hair, causing it to stick to one side of her neck. âMy mother had one of her⌠meltdowns, I guess you could call it. My father is abroad on a business trip and she started drinking a little earlier than usual today and couldnât find one of the thousand pills she takesâŚâ She trails off and shakes her head, but Yoongi isnât about to let this conversation end.
âWhat kind of pills?â
âJust pills.â She shrugs and continues, a deliberate nonchalance in her tone this time. âAnd she was suddenly convinced that Iâd hidden them from her and when I denied it, she accused me of lying and said I was ungrateful after all she did for me, hiding my colour blindness from my fatherâŚâ She exhales and rolls her eyes. âAnyway. Then she started throwing things.â
She says it with a note of finality, as though thatâs all there is to say. Yoongi reaches up and touches her cheek with his knuckle, where the blood has been washed off and the cut is now just a thin red line. He hesitates before making contact as gently as he can, light as a feather. Miso closes her eyes momentarily at his touch before opening them again.
Yoongiâs mind races, thinking of knives, daggers, mirrors, shards of glass flying through the air -
âDiamonds,â she says, and Yoongi knows sheâs guessed the direction of his thoughts. âShe usually has these episodes when my father gets distant. More distant,â she amends as he lowers his hand. âShe flung a hundred carat necklace in her anger and it hit me. She didnât intend to do⌠this.â
Yoongi stays silent. He isnât sure what he might say if he opens his mouth, and the last thing he wants is to put her on the defensive and start a fight - or worse, for her to leave.
âYou need to get dry,â he says finally, clearing his throat. âThereâs ramen - or whiskey. Whichever warms you up faster. I can put your clothes in the dryer,â he offers.Â
Miso nods, her eyes flickering to the floor. But she gets to her feet and Yoongi mirrors her, holding her hand to make sure she doesnât slip. She peels off her drenched hoodie, her t-shirt rising slightly and sticking to her pale torso. She adjusts it with a slender arm and raises her eyebrows at him.
âIâm going to take my clothes off now,â she says. âSo unless you want to watchâŚâ
Hoping the heat on his face is only due to the steam and nothing else, he returns her wry hint of a smile and holds his hand out for her sweatshirt. âIâll be outside,â he confirms. âPossibly checking myself for a couple of second degree burns.â
âGotcha. Iâll be in here. Not drowning myself,â she clarifies.
Despite the situation, Yoongi canât help but chuckle. Stepping out of the shower and closing the door behind him, he exhales. He needs to change his clothes, too; without thinking, he takes off his wet t-shirt and shakes out his hair. Hearing a movement behind him, he turns to see her jeans thrown over the top of the door, followed by her t-shirt. Another, almost inaudible movement occurs inside, but no more clothes appear.
Mouth feeling a little dry, Yoongi reaches up and tugs lightly at her jeans. âThey should be dry in an hour, probably.â
âYeah. Okay.â
Taking that as assent, he pulls her clothes down. He should leave; itâs too fucking weird to be standing out here while sheâs inside, naked and bathing. But he doesnât move and she doesnât ask him to either. The door is still opaque with steam; he isnât even sure if the vague silhouette heâs seeing is real or if heâs imagining it.
âYoongi?â
He moves closer to the door, automatically. Her voice is soft again, barely audible over the shower. If he thinks about it, they canât be more than two feet apart, at best. But something tells him theyâre even closer. Hesitating, he touches his fingertips to the door, careful not to wipe away any steam, waiting with bated breath to hear her voice again. A droplet of water falls from the ends of his hair and trickles down his bare chest as he stays there, his heart thumping against his rib cage.Â
âIâŚâ Her voice is definitely closer than it was before. âIâll have a whiskey,â she murmurs eventually, but itâs enough for Yoongi. Nodding wordlessly, he steps away and leaves the en suite, giving her her privacy.
â
Hoseok drives through the cold, misty streets of Seoul, the image of Kang Miso, pale and drenched, in Yoongiâs hallway. Heâd had an inkling that Miso wasnât just any colleague in Yoongiâs orbit at Big Hit, but evidently they were far closer than any of them knew.
It occurs to him only about ten minutes into the drive that he doesnât have a destination in mind⌠but somehow, heâs found himself on a familiar route, one heâs come to associate with anticipation, excitement and a not unpleasant fluttering in his stomach.
Predictably, it returns the moment he begins thinking about it, about her. He hadnât been lying to Yoongi; it was genuinely getting harder and harder to stay away from Chaeyoung. It was easy with her, easier than heâd ever thought possible because she was like a fairy: a cute, fun fairy who made his day better just by existing and had the softest skin and smelled like berries. In fact, there had been more than a few moments over the last couple of months where heâd seriously considered whether it was worth forcing this distance that was basically just for nameâs sake at this point, and whether his friendship with Chanyeol was strong enough to survive it if he decided to take the next step.Â
Hoseok parks across the street from her building in his usual spot; just far enough away to not lead any stray cameras or phones to Chaeyoungâs residence (Kayaâs incident last year had shook them all to some level). Chanyeol. Itâs the only part of this whole situation that turns the pleasant fluttering into an uncomfortable mess of twitching and flapping. As if on cue, his mind goes to the only thing worse than Chanyeol finding out, which is Chaeyoung eventually deciding that this state of limbo is too much for her and walks out of his life.
He sits back in his seat and closes his eyes, pressing the heels of his palms into them. Itâs been a busy, stressful few months, with his album recording, the release, the music videos getting filmed and rehearsing for his appearance at Lollapalooza. Chaeyoung had been there through all of it, but it isnât over. He appreciates Yoongiâs attempt at trying to make him feel better but Yoongi hasnât reached that juncture yet, the one where, suddenly, there arenât six other members to ride and die with on stage but just him, alone and exposed. Every crack in his voice, every glitch in the sound system, every off-beat step will be glaring, and anyone who had ever said, all the way back before heâd debuted, that the group would be better off without him would be proven right.
Where would he go from there? If it was proven, beyond doubt, that his solo music and his solo performances were subpar and that everything he was - everything he is - is just because of the handsome, talented people heâs surrounded himself with, then where would he go? How would he ever show his face to the world again? To his family, his friends, his members who would look at him with pity and comfort the lagging member?Â
After all these years of travelling and performing and working constantly, he can feel his chest and shoulders and back physically ache at the thought of it all culminating in the clarity that he shouldnât be here at all. The exhaustion makes his lungs constrict, his heart beating so rapidly that itâs starting to hurt now. Hoseok clutches the sides of his seat, his vision starting to blur and his breathing reduced to dry, uneven gasps.
Even as the blood rushes to his face and his arms go hot and then go cold, as though his skin isnât even connected to his body anymore, somewhere in the back of his mind it occurs to him that heâs having a panic attack. He hasnât had one in a long while but he also hasnât been here in a long while, in a place where the future is so uncertain and the stakes are so high and all the decisions are his and his alone and thereâs no room for error because if he messes this up then where would he go?
Heâs trembling now, he can feel it. A loud sound almost makes his heart stop but then he turns his head slightly in the direction of the sound to see Chaeyoung outside his window, waving at him with an angelic smile. Sheâs saying something but he can barely hear her; thereâs a roaring in his ears like waves crashing and he canât breathe. The thought makes him panic but his limbs wonât move. Outside, Chaeyoung is knocking on the window again and her voice is higher now, more worried and he forces himself to turn to her, registering her wide eyes and her palms banging against the door and pointing frantically to something below.
Itâs almost euphoric when he realises he understands her; with one shaking hand, he unlocks the car door and hears the click. A moment later, a blast of cold hits him like a freight train but is almost immediately blocked when Chaeyoung peers inside the car.
âOh, shit! Oppa, are you okay?â she asks, sounding a bit frenzied. âOh, God - okay - wait, take this off -â She leans over him and clicks unbuckles his seatbelt, returning to her original position. âOkay, oppa? Hobi - can you hear me?âÂ
Hoseok meets her eyes and nods vigorously, so relieved sheâs here with her presence of mind and her sweet-smelling hair. She takes his face in her hands and he almost cries at being able to feel something, and tries to focus all his energy on her cold, slim fingers on his cheeks.
âHobi? Breathe. Breathe,â she repeats calmly, keeping her big eyes locked on his. âBreathe,â she says again, inhaling slowly. He tries to copy her, his breath still coming in jerks and getting stuck in his throat. But he hangs on to her voice, telling him to breathe, breathe, breathe.
âThatâs it,â she murmurs, nodding in encouragement. Placing her knee on the seat between his legs, she hitches herself up and wraps her arms around his shoulders. âKeep breathing,â she continues, rubbing his back, her voice like honey in his ear.
Hoseok nods, feeling his chest start to expand with oxygen. The panic he was feeling starts to fade and he clutches the bottom of her tan sweater in his fist and presses his face to his shoulder. Breathe, she say and he obeys, breathing in her scent. Focus, and he does, on the only tangible thing in the world right now, anchoring him to the very ground.Â
As his breathing starts to normalise, he closes his eyes, because the question that had sent him spiralling - where would he go? - seems like it might have an answer.
â
Hoseok taps his foot on the floor as he sits on Chaeyoungâs sofa, waiting for her to freshen up and return. Now, with a clearer head and calmer breathing, heâs starting to feel a bit silly. Stress was something heâd learnt over time to manage over time, be it in private or public. But he wasnât expecting it to crash over him like this out of the blue - and he definitely wasnât intending to get caught.
Chaeyoung appears from inside her room, now in a hoodie and joggers instead of the sweater and jeans sheâd been wearing earlier. She gestures at him to continue sitting when he notices that sheâs on the phone.
âI know, Dad, I am,â she says, giving him a look as she makes a beeline for the kitchen. He hears a cabinet opening and closing, sounds interspersed with more murmurs, mostly âyes, Dadâs and âI know, Dadâs. He hears her say goodbye to him after a couple of minutes after which she enters the living room again, holding a tall glass of water and a spherical object wrapped in gold foil. She hands him the glass and waits until he takes a sip.
âThanks,â he says, clearing his throat.
âYouâre welcome.â Chaeyoung takes a seat opposite him on the coffee table and crosses one leg over the other, sweeping her long hair over one shoulder. With all her perfectly subtle make-up wiped off, she looks younger all of a sudden. No, not younger - unencumbered.Â
Hoseok finishes the water and places the glass down and itâs only then that Chaeyoung holds up the foil-wrapped chocolate.
âHere. Sugar is good for you,â she adds when he hesitates. âEspecially if youâre feeling light-headed.â
He observes it for a moment, then unwraps it. âSplit it with me?â
To his surprise, Chaeyoung nods immediately. âI wanted it, too, but⌠I canât justify eating an entire one myself,â she says matter-of-factly as she pops her half into her mouth.
Hoseok frowns slightly, although the chocolate feels comforting and creamy. âYou donât need to diet,â he tells her.
Chaeyoung licks the tips of her fingers, finishing the last of the chocolate, before looking at him. Their knees brush against each other as she leans forward slightly. âAre you okay?â
He sighs and nods. âI am now. Thanks to you.â
She shrugs, but her eyes soften. âI just recognised your car.â She pauses. âDo you want to talk about it?â
âMaybe later? Iâm just⌠stressed. About a lot of things.â
âThe album?â she guesses.
âYeah.â
âAnd Lolla?â
âThat, too.â
âEnlistment?â
He looks up at her and tilts his head, not knowing whether to be annoyed or amused. âAm I that transparent or have I just been talking about myself that much lately?â
She smiles. âMaybe a bit of the first. And maybe a third option, which is just that I know you that well.â
âThatâs probably true.â Wrapping his hands around her calves, he jokingly tugs her a little closer. âYouâre the smartest person I know, caterpillar.â
âAnd youâre the happiest person I know, oppa,â she counters, pinching his cheek. She lets go but her fingers stay and she gently smooths the side of his hair before lowering her hand.
There are words on the tip of his tongue he hasnât said in a long time, but he reins it in. Leaning forward, he kisses her. Her lips are soft as always, shy at first, and he discovers the stomach flutters are back. He brushes her hair back as they continue kissing until she pulls away, biting her lip with two light pink spots on her cheeks.
âI love you.â
Itâs the way her eyes widen, like a deerâs, and her smile fades slightly that he realises heâs said the words out loud. Aside from the realisation that hadnât been able to rein it in for quite as long as he thought, Hoseok searches for something else: panic, regret, annoyance. But he finds none of them.
âI mean it,â he says softly, before he can talk himself out of it. âI don't know where I'd be without you.â
He searches her face this time for a clue, but his heart sinks slightly when she leans away and sits back. âWhy?â
âWhy?â
âI mean⌠why are you telling me?â She purses her lips before shrugging slowly, deliberately. âI don't mean that in a bad way, butâŚâ His expression must tip her off about something, for she quickly shakes her head. âLike⌠I get it. I love you, too, I guess. We're practically family.â
Hoseok's heart seems to settle somewhere around his abdomen. Before he can respond, a sound startles him and they both turn towards the door with a jerk. It opens to reveal Sooah and Jimin entering the house with shopping bags and a large transparent glass each with a straw, sipping matcha tea together. Hoseok uses the few seconds of chaos in greetings to quickly shake it off and breathe in, trying to swallow the lump threatening to creep into his throat.
Sooah immediately begins showing Chaeyoung the things she bought and Jimin joins in as well, and the moment is gone. Somewhere in the middle of it, Chaeyoung's eyes meet Hoseok's eyes briefly and he holds her gaze until she looks away.
â
Yoongi smells his own shower gel and lotion wafting into the open kitchen but stays where he is, by the bar and on his phone, wanting to give Miso a chance to come to him on her own time. It proves to be a good decision because after a few minutes, when she doesnât, he peers out to see her in the balcony, sitting on the sofa with her knees to her chest.Â
He wonders if sheâs cold - she must be - but also somewhere understands the appeal of the freezing wind, with its unique ability to numb. Sheâd asked for whiskey; taking an executive call, he takes two bottles in one hand and two glasses in the other and joins her.
The air is as biting as heâd expected, but something about the way sheâs wrapped himself in his hoodie, her hands pulled into the sleeves and the hood pulled over her head, makes his heart float. He sits next to her, noting that her hair is mercifully dry and pours himself a drink while leaving her glass untouched.
âIs that rum?â Miso asks.
âYep. Great for cold nights.â He takes a sip of his drink and sighs in satisfaction. âYou can try it if you want. Or there's whiskey, as you asked,â he reminds her, pointing to the other bottle.
She holds out her hand for his glass, her fingers warm as they brush his, and takes a sip. âWow,â she says, coughing a little. âThat's -â
âToo strong?â
âSweet,â she finishes, returning the glass to him. âI wasn't expecting it. But it actually seems to be working.â She frowns, looking disproportionately subscribed. âWhat is this and why have I never heard of it?â she mutters, reaching for the bottle to read the label. âOld Monk?â
âMhm. A friend gave it to me, last time I saw her.â Yoongi takes another loud sip as Miso begins making a glass for herself. âShe always buys it from the duty free section, but she let me have a bottle to try. Namjoon hated it,â he adds as a side note.
âIt's nice.â She takes a longer sip and sits back on the sofa, looking decidedly more comfortable. Yoongi decides he can finally ask her something thatâs been on his mind since she turned up an hour ago.
âCan I ask you something?â
She tenses automatically. âWhat?â
âI donât mean this to sound weird or like you canât come over or something - because you can, whenever you want - but just out of curiosity -â
âYouâre rambling, Min Suga.â
He pauses abruptly. âGuess you just bring it out in me.â
She raises her eyebrows and half-chuckles. âYou were saying?â
âYeah. How, uh⌠how do you know where I live?â
âOh.â Miso looks down at her glass a little guiltily. âWell⌠I asked Donghyuk. But technically, you gave it to me, a long time ago,â she reminds him quickly. âIt just got deleted from my phone. Remember your new year party last year?â
âOf course. The one you didnât attend?â
âThe one you only invited me to because you couldnât leave out just one person in the team,â she corrects him pointedly, but he simply nods sheepishly. âHaving said that⌠Iâm sorry I barged in on your night. And I'll apologise to Hoseok as well. I just - I didn't know where else to go.â
Yoongi bites his tongue, trying to think of the right thing to say because there is so much he wants to say. Finally, he shakes his head gently. âDon't be.â
âI wonât make a habit of it. I mean, I canât,â Miso shrugs when he gives her a curious look. âIt's a lot easier to leave the house when my father is abroad and I'm nowhere on his mind. But it is good to know that Seungkwan has no actual personal interest in where I go,â she adds.
âDid it really get that bad?â
Miso bites her lip. For a moment, he thinks sheâs going to evade the question or just not answer but he wonders if anyone has ever asked her this in the first place, point blank. But she came here, he reasons with himself. Why would she if she didnât feel safer here than in her own house?Â
He waits it out, though. Finally, after finishing her drink and placing the empty glass on the table, Miso sits back and hugs her knees again.
âMy mother hasn't had one of these episodes in a long time,â she says, not properly meeting his eyes. âBut I guess a lot of things came together this time⌠Fatherâs on a business trip and I think they had a fight before he left, one of her socialite friends insinuated that heâs having an affair which he probably is, she and I got into an argument about when Iâm going to get married and not embarrass her anymore, I told her I have a actual career and she flipped outâŚâ
Yoongi doesnât interrupt her, although he has so many questions. How many times has this happened? How did she get hurt? What does she mean by episodes? He tries to picture Kang Sera, always the picture of elegance and finery, unraveling while she screams at her daughter. Finally, he prompts her gently. âYou fought?â
âThatâs an understatement. She accused me of stealing the last of her pills, I told her to go get a life, she called me ungrateful -â She shakes her head and exhales tiredly. âIf Iâd known my colour blindness was a thing she was going to use as an argument for the rest of my life, I wouldâve foregone the contact lenses. She acts like she fucking saved my life.â
âDonât blame yourself,â argues Yoongi. âSheâs your mother - itâs her job to take care of you. She hurt you, Miso,â he reminds her, unable to keep it in anymore and hearing the hardness in his own voice. âAll because sheâs insecure about herself and is imagining that you stole from her?â
âBut I did,â she admits, surprising him. âI did steal her last pills because she was getting on my last fucking nerve. And they arenât even prescription,â she clarifies immediately, defensive. âI was just really pissed off. Maybe it was petty.â She looks straight ahead, eyes far away, and Yoongi wonders if sheâs seeing a diamond necklace fly towards her face. âI guess in a way I deserve this,â she says, pointing to her face.
âNo, you donât. What are you -â Yoongi breaks off to keep his glass on the table and scoots closer to her. He needs her, so badly, to hear this that he wishes he could grab her shoulders and make her face him. âYou donât seriously believe that.â
âYou know what - forget it,â she says, shaking her head and turning away. âItâs complicated and we donât need to talk about -â
Fuck. âNo, no - wait. Iâm sorry,â he interrupts, grabbing her arm to make her turn to him. âIâm not judging, I promise. Youâre right, it is complicated. But I want to listen, if you want to talk about it,â he says, his voice softer now. He touches her cut again with his thumb, hoping he isnât hurting her. âDo you want a band aid or something?â
She shakes her head. âIâm good. But⌠look, I know my parents are awful. And being around that my whole life⌠itâs - itâs completely fucked with how I interact with them now. My mother is a shrew who hates me but - but in a way, sheâs even more trapped than I am. Her parents never let her work a day in her life, she didnât really get a choice in who she married, her kid is nothing like she wanted and now sheâs stuck with my monster of a father who -â Her voice breaks and Yoongi knows for certain that sheâs never said it out loud before because the loathing in her voice is transparent. âI feel bad for her sometimes. How weak of a person am I?â she asks, her voice breaking slightly.
Yoongi doesnât reply for a few seconds. He raises his hand slightly again and even though she doesnât back away, he lowers it before he can touch her . âMiso,â he says quietly, bowing his head. âIâm sorry about what I said in that motel. Iâve felt so shitty about it because⌠youâre nothing like him.â
She gives him a look. âI just told you I stole a pill from my mother.â
âFrom what youâre telling me, I wouldâve done the same thing,â he clarifies. âAnd itâs really none of my business if youâre taking over his company one day. Iâm sure youâll do a great -â
Miso shakes her head. âIâm not taking over his company, Yoongi,â she interrupts.Â
âI thought you said -â
âYeah, I know what I said. Thatâs the official party line, that Iâm his heir.â She meets his eyes and shakes her head. âBut I donât think heâs ever giving me his company. And to be honest, I donât want it. I mean, I worked for him for a year after I returned from Australia and it was⌠God, I hated everything about it. The way it was built, the way he was running it, the culture, the clear⌠monotony of it all. There was nothing there, they werenât working for anything, or creating anything. It was just money and power and being ruthless about everything.â
Yoongi bites his lip, for he wasnât expecting this. âBut⌠you havenât told him all this.â The moment he says it, he realises how stupid it sounds.
Miso scoffs. âYeah, Iâm sure thatâs a conversation that would go down well. But I donât even think heâs going to give it to me. He keeps me so far away from it, heâs completely okay with me working for a company heâs invested in on the side⌠I donât think he has any intention of having me take over.â
âThen why does he keep calling you his heir? Why hasnât he just told you either way?â
She shrugs, palms facing up. âMaybe he wants to sell the family-owned business, chaebol image. Maybe he doesnât want me to be certain so he can continue using it as leverage whenever he wants. I donât know - why does he do anything?â She runs her hands through her hair, the shorter length seeming to surprise her for a moment.Â
âI donât care anymore, Yoongi,â she murmurs, sounding defeated. âI just canât care. I canâtâŚâ She takes a deep breath and Yoongi realises with a start when she sniffs that her eyes are wet. âIâm just so tired. I hate waking up in the mornings. Every time I open my eyes, I⌠I just want to go back to sleep. Iâm so tired,â she finishes, her voice barely even a whisper anymore.
At the same time that she moves towards him, he does the same and wraps an arm around her. She rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes, and Yoongi wishes helplessly that he could make this easier, that it didnât need to take a blow-up with her mother for her to end up here.
They stay there for a while, neither of them saying anything. Yoongiâs cheek rests against the top of her head; he feels at a loss to do anything for her. Aside from a shower and a drink, is there really nothing else he can do for her, to help her escape her family?Â
He fingers the ends of her hair on her other shoulder and he isnât sure if heâs imagining it, but Miso relaxes into his side. âYour hair is shorter,â he remarks. âIs there a story there?â
âUmâŚâ Her tone is slightly different. âI tried to cut my hair into layers,â she confesses, sitting up straight and rolling her eyes. âI donât know why, Iâve always sucked at it. But then I had to correct it and I ended up cutting more of it⌠are you seriously laughing at me?â
Yoongi purses his lips and shakes his head, but heâs restraining himself. âIâm not laughing. Iâm amused,â he allows, his arm still around her for heâs not ready to let go just yet. âItâs just not something I pictured you doing. I always imagined you got fancy overpriced haircuts at those luxury salons in Gangnam or something.â
âNot all of us have personal stylists, Min Suga,â she reminds him. âDonât think I didnât notice the Chanel lavender and rose hips lotion you have in your bathroom. Youâre fancier than I am.â
âThat was a gift,â he points out. âAnd I can smell it on you so donât pretend you didnât use it as well,â he adds, realising only when she stiffens next to him what heâs said. He wants to slap himself, but Miso doesnât seem uncomfortable.
âI did use it,â she admits after a moment, shifting slightly next to him. âItâs nice. I like how it smells.â
Yoongi nods. It shouldnât, but his mind immediately pictures her stepping out of the shower, wrapped in a towel and peering at his lotion, possibly snickering to herself before applying it on herself. His shower. Something warm courses through him that he hopes is the Old Monk; itâs occurring to him now just how close in proximity they were to each other while wet and partially naked. He grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut; his body should not be reacting right now.
âIt may have been worth it, though,â she continues wryly. âMy mother saw my hair and freaked. It wouldâve been kind of funny if it wasnât so deranged.â
Yoongi is glad to hear her chuckle; even if she doesnât mean it, heâll take anything that improves her mood even slightly right now. âI like it,â he tells her, smiling when she half-scoffs and half-laughs before sighing hugely.
âWeâve been talking about me for a while,â she says, looking up at him. She doesnât usually look like she wears much make-up but with her bare face right now and her short choppy hair, she looks strangely vulnerable and otherworldly, almost androgynous, and Yoongi doesnât think heâs ever seen anyone more beautiful.
âI donât mind,â he manages to say.Â
But she begins sitting up and, to his regret, moves away a little so she can tilt her body towards him. âHowâs it going with you?â
âUhâŚâ Yoongi shrugs. His problems of fame and living his dream donât seem appropriate to bring up right now. âItâs okay. The usual.â
âThe usual?â Miso raises her eyebrows. âI heard the company got a huge cash infusion which theyâre using to fund your tour.â
âYeah - how did you know that?â
âI work for the same company you do, Min Suga.â She taps his knee with the back of her hand. âAre you looking forward to it? Oh, have they set a release date for your album? Theyâll have to give it at least a month between -â
But her voice gets fainter, for a wonderful idea has occurred to Yoongi.
âCome with me,â he says abruptly. âOn tour. Come with me.â
Miso, who looked a little miffed at being cut off, now falls silent. âYouâre asking me to -â
âCome on tour, yeah. Weâre both producers, part of the same teams,â he reminds her. âIt wonât even look out of place. I can - I can talk to the management, get you on the team and we can just⌠you can get away, from everything. Just for a while. Just⌠travel around the world, come to the shows, work on musicâŚâÂ
Misoâs eyes soften. âThat⌠that sounds amazing. Honestly.â
âThen do it,â he says immediately, quickly, because he can already feel it slipping away. âCome.â With me.
âUm⌠I canât, though.â
It takes all of Yoongiâs strength to not to say yes, you can. Instead, he grabs her hands, slender and ice cold. âIâll speak to whoever is needed. I know I can get you on the team. Last year, we invented a position on the team for Jiminâs girlfriend to come along to a show so I know that I can -â
âNo, I canât, Yoongi,â she interrupts gently, retrieving her hands and squeezing his. âI canât because⌠my father has my passport.â
A few moments of silence pass, during which Yoongiâs blood runs cold. He doesnât immediately understand why; he just knows how his own passport is a constant accessory, almost always on his person.Â
He stares at her. âHe⌠what?â
She nods. âHe has all our passports, under lock and key. Iâm pretty sure I know which lock exactly, too, in his study, butâŚâ She bites her lip, all traces of humour wiped off her face. âYeah. Could be problematic.â
No shit. Yoongi tries to process this, every single instance of him telling her to leave and to live her own life coming back to him in vivid detail, along with a sense of frustration and regret because he sees now that he had no idea how confined she really is.
âIs this how heâs keeping you here?â he chokes out. âBecause⌠I mean, how can he do this? Iâm pretty sure itâs not even legal to keep your own documents from you. How - how is he -â But he breaks off, unable to find enough words.
Miso winces thoughtfully. âI donât think thatâs initially what he intended⌠butitâs probably an added bonus. A few years ago - the year I worked for him, actually - someone hacked the Kang Industries internal network,â she explains, folding her legs. âThey even attempted identity theft but thankfully, it didnât work. But it completely shattered my father. He was⌠outraged. Someone caught him by surprise and almost took everything heâd built away⌠he became completely paranoid after that. Itâs only just started getting better, but⌠yeah, thatâs when he locked up all our documents.â She shrugs, her eyes falling to her feet. âToo bad itâs limited our options in the process.â
It takes Yoongi a moment to realise that by âweâ, sheâs referring to herself and her mother. âHe still doesnât have any right to keep it from you,â he says eventually. âYouâre an adult. Youâre - youâre a person. I know heâs beyond normal human emotion but this is⌠God, what the fuck, Miso?â
Miso nods calmly, which only infuriates him more. But he canât let it show, not any more than he already has. Not tonight. Not if thereâs a risk of her leaving again.
âLook, the thing with my father is⌠he doesnât look at it like that,â she begins, then pauses. Sheâs concentrating, and Yoongi guesses sheâs working this out as well. She opens and closes her mouth several times, as though trying to find a good metaphor to explain a maths problem to a teenager.Â
âLook, for him⌠I am no different than any other twenty-nine year old woman in Seoul,â she states, her eyes blank. âHe doesnât care that Iâm his daughter, thereâs no specific attachment there. He just doesnât understand that. He cares about money and power and control. Those are the things he knows. And Iâm not saying this to defend him,â she adds, almost knowingly. âIâm saying this because I have spent years trying to figure out how to get to him and I realised, finally, that⌠thereâs nothing parental there. The only thing that separates me from everyone else is that I have his name and his blood. Itâs fact, itâs ink - and heâs in control.â
Yoongi doesnât care much for a psychoanalysis of Kang Jaesung right now. He swallows, trying to quash the rising feeling of defeat in his stomach. She feels so far out of reach again, like heâs zooming out and seeing her for where she is, far and small in the distance.
âSo⌠what? Youâre stuck here forever?â he asks, trying to keep the bite out of his tone.
âNo,â she answers, shaking her head. âHeâll never admit to that. The last time I needed to go abroad, I asked him for my passport and he gave it to me. Granted, I was travelling with him,â she adds after a moment, looking down.
Itâs late, probably around the same time of the night that he and Miso had yelled at each other in the motel while it poured outside. It was raining earlier tonight, too, but it was nowhere near as bad. It felt peaceful and hopeful for a bit and Yoongi struggles to find it again.
âYoongi.â Her hand eases up his thigh until it reaches his own, and she squeezes his hand. Sheâs trying to comfort him, he realises, and it seems absurd. But he lets her because, as he discovers soon enough, he could use it.
âI can still ask,â she says after a moment. âItâs work, technically. Itâs an artist tour, itâs publicity, itâsâŚâ She trails off.
âItâs my tour.â By the look on her face, he knows heâs said what theyâre both thinking.Â
âThatâs the tough detail.â Miso gives him a small, hollow smile. âAfter the last stunt you pulled in front of him, my father may not be so agreeable.â
It takes Yoongi a moment to recall; despite knowing exactly what sheâs talking about, he canât remember actually making the decision to come in between her and her father. It had been entirely instinctual, but he wonders now if it may have been the wrong move.
His heart skips a beat when she leans forward suddenly. The scent of his own shower gel gets stronger as she presses a kiss to his cheek, slow and deliberate.
âThanks for asking,â she says softly, sitting back. âIâm sure youâll be amazing on stage. A force to be reckoned with.â
Yoongi doesnât know how to respond to that. It just occurs to him that heâs leaving for three months - three whole months during which heâll be away and she will be here, still in the clutches of her father and her life, too far away for him to do anything about it.
She rubs her eyes and looks away. âItâs late.â
âYeah.â He clears his throat. âThe guest room is ready. And⌠fun fact, but itâs actually bigger than the master bedroom.â
The moment he hears it out loud, he thinks it probably sounds extremely stupid. But if it does to Miso, she doesnât react. She simply nods and stands up, allowing Yoongi to lead her to the guest room.
âLet me know if you need anything,â he says just before she closes the door. Heâs finally seeing her properly in the light; his clothes seem to fit Miso strangely well. They're just loose enough that her shape isnât quite visible, but not so much that she looks like she's in donated clothes.Â
Most importantly, she looks comfortable. Heâs about to offer her an additional jacket or something but before he can, she mutters a âgood nightâ and begins closing the door.
Itâs a complicated scenario. He potters around for a while after, cleaning the kitchen counter, returning some emails and folding the clothes from the dryer, all the while with the sinking feeling that heâs disappointing her somehow. Maybe itâs his inability to be of any help in her circumstances, or the way he seems to be misreading signs and situations in context.
Finally, he retires to his room, changing into pajamas and getting ready for a sleepless night staring at his ceiling when thereâs a knock at the door. Figuring it can be only one person, he scrambles out of bed to open the door.
âHey,â he says, hearing himself sound strangely breathless. âEverything okay?â
âYeah,â answers Miso, running a hand through her short, choppy hair. âI was taking out my contacts-â She holds up her hand to show him a small and thin white box â- and I was just thinking, uh⌠maybe I will take that band aid.â
Yoongi nods and beckons her inside. She stands awkwardly by a dresser while he rummages around in a different cabinet before finding the first aid box. He goes up to her and hands her the band aid.
âDo you need any help with it?â he asks.
âI donât think soâŚâ Miso tears it open and peels off the sticker, holding the band aid up to her face. âHang on, do you have a -â
Yoongi steps forward and takes the band aid from her, cleanly and gently placing it on the thin red line on her cheek. The solitary lamp on the other side of the bedroom barely illuminates her face, but he doesnât think he can ever forget the sight of the cut on her face, dripping blood as she came to him in the middle of the night.
He knows itâs happening before it actually happens, but the moment he covers the cut, his hands still on their way off her face, Miso leans up and kisses him. Itâs instinctive and immediate and Yoongi also knows that despite the hellish night she has had, he kisses her, too. He does. He pulls her in just as much as she grips his t-shirt and he tangles his hand in her hair just as much as she presses herself up against him.
âMiso -â He breaks away for a moment, his heart racing and body reacting. âI canât -â
âI donât want to be alone,â she whispers, and she sounds fearful. âNot tonight, not -â She shakes her head and reaches up to kiss him once more.
He lets her, just for a moment, but then gently pushes her away again. âIâm sorry. Miso⌠itâs been a hard night and - and I wouldnât feel right if IâŚâ
She licks her lips but drops her hands to her sides. âYou think you might be taking advantage of me?â she asks.
âI donât want it to even be a question.â He moves his hands down her shoulders until her hands are in his. âI want this, too.â You have no idea how much. âBut not at a time where thereâs even the slightest chance you may regret it tomorrow.â
Miso looks away and for a moment Yoongi is afraid, terrified that she will leave again. Then her shoulders fall and she sighs. âWow,â she mutters wryly, but thereâs a tremble underneath, buried deep. âYouâre a good one.â
He waits a moment, then two, then steps forward to wrap his arms around her. She lets him, her body initially stiff until, slowly, she relaxes against him, shaking silently.Â
âYouâre not alone,â he murmurs against her hair. âYou donât have to be.â
He intends to stay there, exactly like that, for as long as she needs. Eventually they separate, Misoâs face slightly redder but her eyes dry once again, softening when he pulls her in by the hand to press a kiss to her forehead. Under the covers, they lie next to each other.
âHow did you do it?â she asks after a while in the darkness, almost in wonder. âSomehow, despite my best efforts to keep you out of this, how did you manage to creep into my life?â Thereâs a movement and he sees her silhouette move to face him. âHow did I end up here?â
Yoongi brushes her uneven bangs out of her eyes. âI can be pretty persistent. Although itâs not something Iâm really known for,â he points out. âSo Iâm not sure. I tried to stay out of it, if that helps.â
Miso scoffs. âNot very hard.â
âNo,â he agrees. âThereâs something about you, I guess.â
âAll that privilege and nepotism probably.â
âNot that,â he disagrees, a little guiltily. âI liked how you were a different person during our nights in the studio,â he says after a moment. âI liked that person.â
âI liked that person, too,â she murmurs. She exhales softly and turns back to look at the ceiling. Her features are sharp in the darkness, but her presence is light and fresh, almost like his bedroom was far too big and empty before she set foot in it.Â
He wishes he couldâve let her kiss go further. He doesnât regret stopping it, but for a moment he lets himself imagine a world where she wasnât hurting, where she was free to kiss a man she was attracted to with no baggage attached and he was free to kiss her back without wondering if he was contributing to her trauma or enabling it in any way.
When she shifts to get comfortable and turns onto her side, facing away from him, Yoongi scoots closer to her and wraps an arm around her again, loosely at first. But she stays and so does he; pressing a kiss to her shoulder, on his own t-shirt that sheâs wearing, he holds her close and hopes that tomorrow morning, at least, may be a better one for her.
â
Settled on the couch with a pillow and a purple blanket from Chaeyoungâs closet (which smells of her floral fabric softener, but he wonât think about that), Hoseok stares at the ceiling in the darkness. Next to the blank television, the light from the wifi router glows red and thereâs a dim strip of blue underneath Chaeyoungâs door which he knows is a nightlight she canât sleep without.
He canât quite believe heâs sleeping over at her apartment. But Jimin and Sooah had been fully enthusiastic about hanging out as a foursome, and the former had peer pressured Hoseok to try a large glass of sparkling wine heâd bought which was strong enough to render him incapable of driving home safely. Later, Chaeyoung had awkwardly provided him with sleeping arrangements on the sofa before disappearing into her room, signalling the end of the night.
Jimin and Sooah had successfully interrupted one of the most revelatory moments of his life but in hindsight, Hoseok wonders if they had done him a favour. Chaeyoungâs response had been disappointing on every level and he doesnât think he wouldâve been able to remain around her if those two hadnât barged in, full of stories about their eventful day. After Chaeyoung and then Sooah had left, Jimin seemed to notice that something seemed to be bothering the older member, but Hoseok couldnât bring himself to talk about it. Heâd caught himself off guard with his impulsive confession; he canât imagine she wouldâve been much more prepared with a response.
Itâs late now, but Hoseok canât sleep. He briefly considers waking Jimin from Sooahâs room or calling Namjoon, but he doesnât think he can handle words of encouragement from them now, especially since Jiminâs will surely be accompanied by his Cheshire cat grin at being proven right about his year-long hunch regarding him and Chaeyoung. No, not Namjoon and definitely not Jimin. If Hoseok is being honest with himself, thereâs only one person he wants to talk to right now.
Chaeyoung [01:15]
Are you awake?
Hoseok almost jumps out of skin when the phone buzzes next to him. Heart racing, he stares at her message.
Hoseok [01:16]
Yeah. You?
Chaeyoung [01:16]
It would be really weird if I wasnât, oppa.
Hoseok [01:17]
You know that when I said what I said, I didnât mean it as family, right?
Chaeyoung [01:18]
I know.
Hoseok [01:19]
Iâm sorry. If I made you uncomfortable.
Chaeyoung [01:20]
You didnât.
Chaeyoung [01:21]
Iâm just not sure why you said it.
Hoseok [01:22]
It wasnât planned, honestly. But I meant it.
Is that not what youâre asking?
Chaeyoung [01:23]
It isnât.Â
I donât know how to put this
Hoseok frowns at his screen, rolling over onto his stomach and staring at it with bated breath. He pictures her inside her room in a similar position, brows furrowed and biting her lip, trying to talk to him.
Hoseok [01:25]
Itâs okay
Take your time
Chaeyoung [01:26]
I guess I donât know the point of bringing it up
Hoseok [01:26]
The point?
I mean⌠I wanted to tell you how I feel
Chaeyoung [01:27]
You just said you didnât plan it
Hoseok [01:27]
I didnât, but in that moment, thatâs how I felt
I was spiraling and you were there for me. You helped me feel better.
I always feel better when Iâm with you
Chaeyoung [01:28]
But thatâs about how you feel
Hoseok [01:29]
Iâm hoping you enjoy my company too, since we hang out together a fair bit
But I understand.
You donât have to feel the same way, Chae. I just wanted you to know.
Iâm sorry if I made you uncomfortable
Chaeyoung [01:30]
Stop saying that, Hobi
Hoseok [01:30]
I mean it, though
Chaeyoung [01:31]
Iâm sure youâve meant everything youâve said tonight
But itâs not going to change anything. Right?
Hoseok [01:32]
Chae
You know why I said that
Chaeyoung [01:33]
Sure
But thatâs why I donât understand why you would bring this up now. If itâs not going to change anything, then whatâs the point?
Hoseok [01:34]
Do you really want things to change?
Chaeyoung [01:34]
Iâm not sure it makes a difference
Hoseok [01:35]
Of course it does!
Chaeyoung [01:35]
Really? Because you didnât even ask me what I thought when you made that decision.
This isnât about me at all, Hoseok. This is all you.
Hoseok [01:36]
I didnât mean to make you mad, Chae
Chaeyoung [01:36]
Iâm not mad
I heard you and I didnât expect anything from you
But you canât do this. Itâs not fair
Chaeyoung [01:41]
Iâm here
Your friendship means a lot to me, Hobi
But Iâve been down this road before and I donât want to be in this position
So if you make a decision, like nothing is going to change, then I need you to stick to it
Chaeyoung [01:42]
Iâm not mad at you
Ish
But Iâm going to sleep now
Hoseok watches her go offline, his heart sinking slowly. He types out a half-hearted âgood nightâ but he canât be sure if sheâs seen it. Sheâs right, of course, about everything. He drops his face onto the pillow, squeezing his eyes shut and half-wishing he hadnât opened his big mouth today.
â
The next morning when Chaeyoung wakes up, the sun has barely come up. She slips on a hoodie and brushes her teeth before heading to her bedroom door, taking a deep breath, and opening it just a crack. Her heart stutters for a moment when she sees the pillow and comforter neatly folded on the sofa, the rest of the living room clearly empty. But then she exhales in relief and heads to the kitchen, deciding itâs far too early in the morning to be rehashing the events of last night.
The events of last night. Despite how her night had finally ended, the words, the memory of him saying those words, makes her stomach flip. Chaeyoung lets herself enjoy it for a couple of minutes while she makes her morning smoothie, the euphoria of having an answer to his actions during their dalliance, the victory of having him say it first. She pours the mauve coloured drink into a tall glass and sticks a wide straw in it, taking a long and hearty sip of fruity goodness before dragging her mind away from the good part about last night.
âNope, itâs too early,â she mutters to herself, setting the glass down and tying her long hair into a high ponytail. She has the rest of the day to dwell on it, to feel hurt and annoyed and wonder if sheâd overreacted. Grabbing her glass, she heads back towards her room, when she does a double take.
Hesitating, she steps forward and closes her bedroom door before lightly fingering the two post-its on the door. Theyâre both from the tiny stationery box on the cabinet in between both bedrooms, set up by Chaeyoung herself, with coloured pens and stickers. The orange one is on top and has a message sheâd expected to see at some point today: Went home, didnât want to wake you.
The second one, a green one, is the one she takes off the door to read.
Can I take you to dinner tonight? Call me if itâs a yes. Actually, call me even if itâs a no.
â
Thanks for reading. Don't forget to leave a review :)
⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?
⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15
⨰ warnings: profanity, descriptions of death, blood and gore
⨰ wordcount: 3.8k
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â§â§Many, Many Circas Agoâ§â§
The world grew eerily silent when you stepped into your office. What was left of daybreakâs red light filtered into the room, bathing it in a bloody hue. Or perhaps the red reflected from Enyxâs flickering flames, his once flamboyant spirit dimmed as he lay limp in his silver cage on your desk.Â
Your knees skidded across the wood until they were bruised before your desk. Your ears were ringing again, in that high-pitched key that you so often heard when the world seemed to stop spinning. The phoenix looked up, his weary eyes meeting yours in a gentle, understanding gaze.Â
âItâs okay,â he seemed to say.Â
âItâs not,â you said, lips quivering. âItâs not okay. Youâre dying.â
âBut I am a phoenix. You know I will rise again.â
âI know, I know,â you whispered, voice breaking. âBut I justâŚâ
âDo not worry,â Enyx seemed to say. His eyes drooped, light smoke trailing from the tips of his feathers. âWe will meet again.â Even in his dying moments, Enyx was majestic. Bathed in scarlet light, his fiery plumage flickered like dim candlelight on a breezy night. He looked strangely at peace, though your heart was heavy.
âYes⌠Weâll⌠Weâll meet again.â
The phoenix gently closed his eyes and his feathers erupted in one final beacon of lightâdeep scarlet and golden flames coiled together in the air, reminding you of the Solarian uniform. The flames soon extinguished in a cloud of gray smoke. They wound around your office, drawing an opaque film over your vision. A dry cough crept up your throat as you waved your hands to clear the smoke. When it finally dissipated, you saw Jungkook, leaning against the wall. You hadnât heard him come in.
âHey,â he spoke in a soft voice. He glanced at the gray ashes in the silver birdcage and back at you, hunched against your desk. âIâm sorry.â
âHeâll be reborn,â you said, weakly.
Jungkook hummed. âBut thatâs not all youâre upset about.â He could always read you so well. âTalk to me,â he said. âItâll help.â
You pushed your hands up to your face and sighed deeply. âItâs stupid.â You didnât want to cry, but the tears pooled behind your fingers and dripped down your chin.
âItâs not,â he reassured, crouching to your level. âYouâre scared,â he observed. âAnd Enyxâs death only reminds you of what youâll see out there.â He was right. âBut youâve trained hard for this moment,â Jungkook said. âDonât forget that.â
You understood him, for you had spent circas rebuilding your muscles, thawing your dormant agility, dueling and masking and running. Yet, why did you feel ill-prepared? It has been six circas since youâve been free of the deaths, the violence, the sea of red. Six circas without Hajin, too. You had always fought by her side.Â
And now, now another loved one died in your presence. How many more will you have to live through? Hot tears streamed down your face. They stung your cheeks and tasted salty on your tongue.Â
âShhâŚâ Jungkook whispered, placing a warm hand on the small of your back. âYouâre overthinking.â
âI-I canât stop,â you sniffled. âI know Iâm overthinking. I know Iâm being a coward. Iâm overreacting, dammit, but Iâm so damn nervous, Jungkook. Theyâre going to chew me up alive. Theyâre going to kill our soldiers, and I wonât be able to do anything about it. I wonât be able to save them, just like I couldnât save Hajin. Iâll be a disgrace to Darlaeâjust as I have been for the past six circas when I abandoned my own army and pushed all my burdens onto you.â
âHey, hey,â Jungkook said, pulling you into a tight embrace. âYou wonât be a disgrace. No one will chew you up alive. Youâve earned your position with your merit, do you understand?â
âJungkook, but IâŚâ
âWeâre going to win today,â he said, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. âI can feel it.â He cupped your cheek in his gentle hands. So donât you dare worry, he tapped. All right?
You placed a shaking hand on top of his. All right, you tapped back. You wanted to believe him. You really did. But there was a strange, twisting feeling in your gut that you couldnât ignore. It was the kind of feeling that urged you to stay home, swaddled in the safe confines of your covers. But how cowardly would that be? And besides, you were never a good divinist. Perhaps this gut feeling was only a ruse your mind conjured up in manifestation of your worst fears. Perhaps Jungkook was right and you were wasting your worries.
âAre you ready?â he asked, standing to his feet and outstretching his hand.
You took it as he pulled you up. âYeah,â you said. âYeah, letâs go.â
He nodded. âHowâs the speech coming along?â
You twisted your trinket between your fingers. âIâm just about finished, I think.â
âGood. Your soldiers will love it. Iâm sure.â
The wooden platform squeaked under your feet. Before you were your army, thousands of soldiers who swore to give their lives to their nationâand you. They looked up at you in awe, with sparkling eyes and brave faces. It took everything in you to meet their gazes, but you longed to look away, to crawl back into your covers. You felt small in the morning light, and as the sunlight rained down on the soldiers, basking them in warmth, you couldnât help but think this might be some of their last days in this worldâthe last time some of them would see the sun, feel its glow, see it rise over the horizon.Â
Your throat suddenly became parched, and you forced yourself to hold in a cough threatening to escape from your lips.Â
Inside your mind, flashed glimpses of the fallen. Hajin, Joonhee, General Son⌠Your captain and majors, thousands and thousands of unranked soldiersâthose you recognized, those you didnât. Your head began to spin, and you gripped onto the podium for support. But your soldiers needed you, and you had to show them that you were strong, that you were ready to lead them to victory again. This was your first official speech after your disappearance for six circas, after all.Â
The sun was blinding you now, and your eyes squinted against the white light. It helped a little, not being able to see your soldiersâ faces. It made it easier to lie.
âMy soldiers,â you called out to them in earnest. âI stand before you humbly. I may be bedazzled in medals of honor and validation, and yet even I am not immune to illness. I thank you all for waiting for my recovery. I commend you for fighting in my stead, my courageous soldiers, and I wish I made better haste in my return to health.â The lump in your throat bobbed as you swallowed thickly. âAlas, I have returned to you, stronger than ever, more invigorated than before, and well-prepared to make Darlae proud. But our victories are not without sacrifices. IâŚâ Your breath caught in your throat, your lips aquiver. âI want to take a moment to commemorate the fallen. Let us honor them, let us carry on their legacies as they would have done the same for us. We fight with the weight of those who have fought valiantly before us. When we charge toward the Solarians, we charge for the fallen. Theyâve given up their lives for a chance at a warless Darlae, so let us honor their sacrifice and finish what they have so courageously started.â Â
Your hands twisted the pendant of your trinket. âWhen I was a little girl, I wanted to become a heroâIâd read one too many books about themâbut the dream carried me through my studies, through my time in the Training Corps, and my service in the army thus far. I used to be quite embarrassed about such a dream of which I thought was too fantastical to come true. As I grew older, I realized there is nothing fantastical about being a hero; they are as ubiquitous as rainfall in the spring. My heroes are those who have uplifted me, supported me, have taught me lessons about the world around me I otherwise would never have gleaned. Some of my heroes are still with me,â you said, glancing at Jungkook from the crowd. âOthers are long gone⌠But it does not matter where my heroes are. The memories I made with them, the stories theyâve told me, their hopes and dreams stay with me. They inspire me to become a hero myself, and I use this inspiration to attempt to change Darlae for the better. So let us remain faithful to our loved ones, our nation, our dreams. If we lose someone dear to us in this war, someone who inspired us to fight, let us make them heroes. Let us honor them today, tonight, for many days and nights until we no longer can. And let us rest in peace when our times come, knowing that once we have become grand sacrifices for Darlae, others will do the same for us. Let us trust our comrades to carry on our legacies when we dieâas they trust us to do the same. We can die and still become heroes.Â
âSo, my dear soldiers, we must not wallow in fear. Instead, be proud that your contributions will go down in the annals of history, and that your sacrifices wonât be without remembrance. I am willing to put my life on the line for a chance at a warless Darlae. My soldiers, are you?â
A loud roar shook the grounds, and for a split second, you swore you saw the heavens tremble along with it. Your soldiers cheered for you, though you werenât sure if that was the result of pre-battle adrenaline or genuine agreeance to your message. It didnât matter that you still felt sick to your stomach when you hid it so well.Â
âHey,â Jungkook said. He sat down next to you on a wooden crate, examining your countenance to gauge your thoughts. âIt was a great speech.â
âThanks,â you sighed. âI hope they liked it.â
âThey loved it,â he answered. âThe reception was overwhelmingly positive.â He paused, cocking his head. âBut youâre unhappy.â He was always too good at reading you.
âItâs justâŚâ Another sigh, deeper than the last, left your lips. âIt felt like I was lying to them.â
âHm.â
âIt was like I was putting up a strong front while I was in shambles on the inside,â you said. âIs that being dishonest?â
He shook his head. âYou were only reassuring them. Nothing wrong with that.â He put a warm hand on your knee. âI wonât tell you not to worry, but I will tell you to internalize what you just told your soldiers. I think you forget sometimes that youâre already a hero, that people die for you. You will never be a disgrace to Darlae, Y/N. Youâve already made history. And yes, those who look up to you will die, but as youâve said, honor them. Youâre allowed to mourn, youâre allowed to grieve, but never let their legacies grow cold.â He squeezed your knee. âIn the meantime, Iâll do everything I can to support you. I know your job isnât easy, but youâve done so well and will continue to do well. I believe in you.â
Your heart grew warm at his words. You couldnât help but fling yourself into his arms. His embrace rivaled the passion and glow of a thousand suns. Thank you, you tapped into his shoulder.
Of course, he responded back. Letâs go now. Your army is waiting.
The march to the battlefield was a blur. The morning air was crisp and smarting against your cheeks, and you attempted to distract yourself by watching your breaths float past your lips in gray wisps and disperse into the sunlight. But it wasnât enough to chase away the heavy feeling in your stomach. That feeling, it seemed, would never go away, no matter Jungkookâs kind words or your soldiersâ reverence. It was the feeling brought upon by the imminence of deathânot only yours but also your comrades and loved ones. This gut-wrenching feeling would not disappear for a long time, not at least until the war was over. Yet, how much longer could you handle this? You never thought you were immortalâsome of your soldiers do, itâs a survival tactic or instinct, perhaps, that they deploy to fare against the glaring finiteness of their life on the battlefield. Death has always scared you. No, the pain that death can bring. What did Hajin feel when the ring pierced through her head? Did she even feel it? Or was she dead right away? Did she get to savor her last thought? Did she think, as she was falling to the ground, I donât want to die? Or was she distracting herself from the pain by dreaming of exploring the Blackwoods with a weekâs supply of devilled eggs? But perhaps she did not feel much, taking a bullet to the head. But those who do, the soldiers who cry out in agony as they bleed out in the mud spilled with guts and tears, how do they bear it? Do they beg others to put them out of their mercy? If someone begged you to do so, could you do it? Look them in the eyes and watch the light in them fade from your doing? Would you ever beg someone to take your life when the pain is too much? Will that someone be Jungkook? Or will you suffer in silence?Â
Being in a war made your mortality almost tangible. You could taste death in the air. It lingered on your clothes, in your hair, your mind as well. You could never escape it. And worst of all, every death felt like your fault. You were responsible for each life on the line for it was your formations and your command that these soldiers so vehemently followed. No matter what anyone said, you were responsible for Hajin. And you would also be responsible for anyone who died today on the battlefield.Â
By the time the whirlwind of your thoughts ceased, you were standing on the battleground. Your army was behind you, your lover right next to you and your enemy in the frontâa familiar compositionâbut you couldnât remember how you got here. The sun was higher up in the sky now, brighter too, and the brightness obscured your line of vision on the Solarians. From across the land, they looked like fire in their burning red uniforms. It reminded you of Enyxâs flames. The Solarian General was there, leading his army, though as usual, you couldnât make out his face, which was for the better. It was always better if you never looked them in the eyes.Â
The ringing in your ears came back. You were frozen in place, watching the sea of red before you. Suddenly, your breaths quickened as if you were losing air. Your hands began to tremble in anticipation. You watched the Solarian General raise his arm and a roaring red flame shoot from his fingertips. You were breathless now.
âY/N,â an urgent voice called your name, a voice you recognize and love.Â
Right. Right. You must signal back. That would begin the subsequent onslaught of innocent soldiers on both sides. With trembling hands, you reached down to pick up a small pebble. You felt it between your fingers, savoring its cool smoothness. You hesitated. Were you ready for this? But it didnât matter if you were. Your soldiers were ready, and they were out for blood. Your nation was counting on you. So, you tossed the pebble in the air, masking it into a purple streak of smoke. Red and violet splashed in the sky.Â
People began to run. You ran too. Your arms were moving on their own, throwing out charms and dodging fire from every which way. Your legs moved, putting one after the other, but you couldnât seem to register the movement in your head. Your mind felt foggy. How long have you been doing this? Has it been hours? Your legs are aching. Was the training enough? Will it be over soon? Are you losing focus?
Suddenly the stench of blood hit your nose, along with the insufferable smell of smoke and fire. You clutched your trinket. Youâve been on this battlefield many times, but today, it felt like you wandered onto it for the first time. There was a ringing in your ears that masked the cries of pain, the slashes and the crackling of burning bodies. But that didnât block your vision. It was all so overwhelming. Your legs slowly ceased to carry you forward.
Your limbs felt weak. Another body thudded on the ground next to you. Shivers crawled up your spine. How many more would this place kill? How many more friends and loved ones would it steal away from you? How could you ever uphold all of their legacies? How could you ever give them the justice that they deserved? You couldnât. You simply couldnât. How does fighting in a battle that killed your soldiers honor them? How does it help to continue the cycle of violence and war and death and blood? How was that heroic? You asked your soldiers time and time again to give their lives for the war, but why? Those bright-eyed and eager Darlaeans, why did they waste their lives away, training for death? For Darlae? The same nation that shipped them out for them to burn alive in the mud? A warless Darlae? Impossible. This nation thrived off of war. So much so that it killed its own royalty. Hajinâs face flashed in your mind.
You were afraid. You were so afraid.Â
You couldnât stop the treasonous thoughts flying through your head. It was hard to breathe. The world around you was so loud but you only heard silence. The great Darlaean General, reduced to a hyperventilating mess.
It shouldâve been Jungkook. It shouldâve always been him.
Something hit your head. Hard.
You were falling. There was no time to stop yourself. A sharp pain shot through your head. There was an ear-splitting thump.
Everything hurt. Blood rushed to your brain, but it wasnât helping you think.
Your body twitched in pain.Â
It was happening. Your death was imminent.
And you deserved this, didnât you? You committed treason in your mind already, was there any going back?Â
Death wasnât so scary anymore. There was pain, but it was faint, as if it was floating above you, smothering, but not quite suffocating. Your mind was grasping for thoughts, begging for sustenance before it faded from existence. Any minute now, a delighted Solarian would kill you and be honored for the rest of their life for ridding the Darlaeans of their general. But you didnât deserve that title. You didnât for circas.Â
Jungkook. He should have been the General. And he would be now. You couldnât imagine how he would feel. Happy? No, he surely couldnât be. He exchanged you for the title. But then again, you were only another pawn in the army. He would move on, albeit be sad. The thought broke you.
I believe in you, he had said. How could you fail him? After all that heâs done for you? You loved him. You loved him so much that it felt like two hands were wringing your heart when you thought of him.
You were ready to die. You could close your eyes now and drift off to dreamland for all of eternity. And yet, your body slowly, desperately began to crawl forward. You didnât know where you were going. You couldnât see. Yet, you groveled on. I believe in you. To do what? To be a good leader? A wonderful lover? A hero? To live?
Your arms pleaded at you to stop. Your legs felt numb, but you persisted. Why? Why did you have such a growing, instinctual response to live?Â
Something warm and wet rolled from your head, down to your lips. It tasted like iron. You felt yourself dip in and out of consciousness.Â
If you died, would he bring your body back?
You couldnât bear to know.
So you had to live.
Hot tears spilled from your eyes, and you no longer had the strength to clear them away with your muddy hands.Â
Then, you heard voices. People. You were saved.
They came closer and closer until your vision bled red. Solarians. They were coming toward you. No. No. You would rather die on the battlefield than be taken and tortured and held hostage for years until you begged and sobbed for mercy.
Your head felt as if it was splitting open. Vomit poured out of your throat.Â
If they didnât notice you before, they did now.Â
You couldnât die like this. You were only human, though they wouldnât see you that way. Their deep scarlet uniforms grew closer and closer. The gold ribbons around their waist fluttered with the wind, and mud stained the soft material of the uniformsâcotton, it had to be. How different their uniform was from the rigid, black fabric the Darlaean uniform consisted of. How much more freeing. It was blood red, but it was almost beautiful. It flowed like the natural passage of time, like a bubbling brook down a tall hill. It felt like freedom.
You were floating. In your mind, you were up in the clouds, basking in the warm sunlight. How would their uniform feel against your skin? Would it be as soft and flowy as it looked? You imagined it would feel like being wrapped in soft clouds and colored by the warmth of sunshine. You imagined yourself donning the uniform, wrapping the golden ribbon snugly around your waist, looping it in an elegant knot. It felt so real, the fabric, the gentle cinch to your waist from the ties, the delicate sleeves and supple boots. No longer did you feel constrained in the Darlaean uniform. Instead, you were walking amongst the clouds, painting the sky in red.
How stupid this war was, dividing two nations by fashion, forcing them to wear clothes that announced their alliances.Â
How stupid it all wasâŚ
You were fading.
âHey! Sheâs still alive!â
The voices and yelling sounded far away as if you were in a dream. The pain wasnât all so bad either. There was no panic, only peace. Quietly, gently, you floated into the sky, and you hoped, if you were lucky, that you would land somewhere amongst the clouds.
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⨰ a/n: the long-awaited chapter is now here! so sorry it took so long :') and now, the flashback is officially over!!! (finally LOL)
please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!
The one where the three oldest members of the group find themselves in deep shit
Summary: Namjoon returns to see everyone in a crisis. Seokjin has a conversation with his girlfriend, while Hoseok wonders if he's going to lose his best friend. Meanwhile, Yoongi ruminates on an impulsive decision.
Pairing:Â OT3 x OC (different OCs)
Genre:Â Humour, fluff, angst
Word count:Â 11.2 K
Rating:Â 18+
Warnings:Â language
A/N:Â It's been forever since I posted and I bring you... *an aftermath fic*!! Takes place the morning after A Stormy Night.
Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @dreaming-with-happiness @faearchives @margopinkerton @purpleseoul7 @confessionsofamarshlily @jiminjhang @xjoonchildx @tarahardcore @infinitehobi @handfullofcandids @whoisbts @jihopesjoint @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)
When Hoseok wakes up the next morning, itâs to slivers of sunlight through a soft mesh sort of thing on his face. He blinks and shifts slightly; itâs Chaeyoungâs hair, where his face was buried, and he squints towards the window where an apologetic looking sun has reared its head in the sky after a night of torrential rain.
He relaxes slightly; next to him, Chaeyoung hasnât moved, her shoulders rising and falling peacefully with every breath she takes. His phone buzzes and he turns to reach for it.
Taehyung [08:45]
Anyone need a ride to HQ?
Iâm leaving in a bit
Although no one apart from Jungkookie seems to be in the dorm right now
Namjoon [08:48]
Iâll reach on my own. I just got off a flight so I came to my apartment to take a shower.
Seokjin [09:00]
Iâll reach on my own too.
Taehyung [09:01]
Okay. Where were you last night?
Seokjin [09:01]
Never you mind. I have my car.
Yoongi [09:02]
Me too.
Hoseok stares at the screen, slowly licking his lips.
Hoseok [09:03]
Me too.
Taehyung [09:04]
This is not suspicious at all.
Jimin [09:04]
Iâm at my place with Sooah :D:D:D Iâll be there soon - but everybody donât forget to be at the restaurant for her birthday lunch! No latecomers!
Taehyung [09:05]
I take it your night turned out well after all?
Jimin [09:05]
Yessss it did, god bless. I have the best girlfriend in the world - but Iâll tell you about it later.
I mean it though - donât be late for the lunch. Hobi hyung - you can bring Chaeyoung.
Hoseok stomach jolts.
Hoseok [09:06]
Thatâs super random. Sheâs totally capable of coming on her own, you know? Sheâs not a kid anymore and Iâm not responsible for her anyway.
Jimin [09:08]
Errrr I meant because the roads are still a bit flooded so she may not want to walk to the bus stop. But I guess she can come on her own too.
Jungkook [09:09]
I can pick her up on my way to the restaurant if you want, hyung.Â
Taehyung [09:09]
Youâre alive??? I knocked on your door at least twice last night but I heard nothing. I thought you died in there or something.
Jungkook [09:10]
Oh yeah. I was really tired.
Taehyung [09:10]
Lol, Iâm sure.
Jungkook [09:10]
@Namjoon How was your trip hyung?
Namjoon [09:11]
Amazing
Didnât want to come back tbh
Jimin [09:11]
That feels great to hear
But I have a girlfriend now so I get it
Jungkook [09:12]
Gross
Jimin [09:12]
Donât be bitter just because youâre single
Yoongi [09:13]
Yeah go get laid instead
Taehyung [09:13]
I still donât know where half of you are though. How was everyone out last night despite that horrendous storm?
Namjoon [09:14]
Yoongi hyung corrupting the children since 2013
Yoongi [09:14]
Me? I think Hobi is doing enough of that for all of us
Hoseok [19:15]
What!Â
Of course not.Â
Why even would you say that?Â
What are you talking about
Yoongi [09:16]
Sorry, I meant Seokjin
Seokjin [09:16]
Errrrrrrr
Taehyung [09:16]
I mean, is it me? Am I the lame one for having stayed home last night?
Yoongi [09:17]
You were on your way to HQ last night, werenât you?
Taehyung [09:17]
No?
Yoongi [09:17]
Not you
Namjoon [09:18]
Did I leave my charger at the dorm?
Taehyung [09:18]
No idea
Speaking of which, you owe me a lock for my door
Namjoon [09:19]
Excuse me?
Jungkook [09:19]
Taehyung
Yoongi [09:20]
Yeah and you need to return my aux cable. Itâs still in your car. I couldnât charge my phone last night and had to fight Miso to borrow hers
Hoseok [09:20]
Wait you were with Miso last night?
Seokjin [09:21]
@Namjoon I called you to check about the company HQ sleeping quarters too but you didnât answer
Jimin [09:21]
Oh yeah, Namjoon hyung - you werenât here to give me a pep talk when my night for Sooah was going up in flames either. I had to call Taehyungie and Jungkook instead and they were no help at all!
Jungkook [09:22]
Hey!
Taehyung [09:22]
Hey!
Namjoon [09:22]
One ridiculous problem at a time, please!
Hoseok frowns, already losing interest. He navigates away from the chat and scrolls through his messages, answering some and ignoring others, his eyes now somewhat getting used to the light of the screen. Just as heâs about to close the app, another message pops up.
Chanyeol [09:15]
Up?
Hoseok [09:15]
Just about
Chanyeol [09:16]
Kk. Listen, are you going home anytime soon?
Hoseok [09:17]
To Gwangju? Not part of the plan right now, no. Maybe Christmas?
Why?
Chanyeol [09:17]
We were planning when to go next. Hayoungâs parents are probably travelling end of the year so weâre trying to plan a trip when everyone we want to meet will be there at the same time.
Hoseok [09:18]
And Iâm part of that list? Chan, you honour me
Chanyeol [09:18]
Youâd think you wouldnât be after 20 years of being friends but hey
Hoseok [09:18]
You know Seoul is like a train ride away right? Why do you want to wait to hang out in Gwangju?
Chanyeol [09:19]
Home and stuff
Hoseok [09:19]
Hella senti, I have to say
Chanyeol [09:19]
Thereâs the added bonus of Hayoung and I having to stay with our respective parents when we go home though
Hoseok [09:20]
Thatâs what Iâm saying! Come to Seoul
Chanyeol [09:21]
I will⌠I just have to do a Gwangju trip soon. Hopefully when youâre there too
Hoseok [09:21]
Why?
Chanyeol [09:22]
Okay donât say a word to ANYONE
But I kinda want to ask Hayoung to move in
Chanyeol [09:23]
Hoseok?
Chanyeol [09:24]
Dude youâre freaking me out. Is that a terrible idea?
Hoseok [09:25]
Nope
Just recovering from MY MIND BEING BLOWN
My boyâs growing up!!!
Chanyeol [09:25]
Jesus
You scared the shit out of me for a couple minutes there
Hoseok [09:26]
Iâm gonna dance my ass off at your wedding
Chanyeol [09:26]
Whoaaa. Slow down there pop star
Chanyeol [09:27]
Anyway, thatâs why I want to go back. I want to do this thing where sheâs at her parentsâ house and Iâm at mine and then I bring up all these rules that we used to have at home when we were kids and then just casually wonder what it would be like if we could make our own rules - in our own home.
Hoseok [09:28]
Adorable
Just adorable
Still waiting for how my Gwangju plans fit into this though
Chanyeol [09:29]
Are you kidding? I need you there for moral support!
Hoseok [09:29]
So, like⌠hiding outside in the bushes while youâre talking to Hayoung?
Chanyeol [09:30]
No, that would be creepy. But this might be the second most important question I ever ask in my life so I need you there. In town. In the vicinity. So I can plan and maybe make some kind of a grand gesture?
Unless itâs stupid
Hoseok [09:30]
No!
Of course Iâll be there. Just let me know when
Chanyeol [09:31]
I will. In any case, it doesnât look like weâll be able to go back until at least January so that gives me some time to prep.
Chanyeol [09:32]
Thanks though. Youâre a good friend. The best actually.
Hoseok stares at the screen, the smile on his face fading. The faint flowery perfume and the scent of skin on skin suddenly seems stronger. Something shifts next to him and he turns on his back with dread, faced with the sleeping form of his best friendâs half-naked younger sister.
â
âEverything okay?â
Seokjin looks up, instinctively locking his phone as Nari walks into the living room, stopping just shy of the edge of the carpet.
âYeah. Just⌠the usual.â He shrugs, placing his phone next to him. He bites his lip, suddenly at a loss for words. âDid you sleep okay?â
âMhm.â She nods, running her fingers through the top of her hair and letting it fall down one shoulder. âYou? Was the sofa comfortable?â
âOh. Yeah, totally.â He tries to suppress the urge to stretch his back. âHow about you? Oh -â He clears his throat when she frowns slightly. âRight. We just did you.â
Nari nods again, this time slower. âListen, Seokjin, about last night -â
âNari, about what happened -â
They pause at the same time and Seokjin feels his ears turn red, the same time as she chuckles awkwardly and looks away.
âYou go,â offers Seokjin, regretting it almost immediately.
âNo, no, please, you can go first.â
âNo, I insist -â
Nari stares for a few seconds, looking hesitant. âI just wanted to say⌠donât worry about it. We can just forget it.â
Seokjin processes this, his pulse slightly uneven. âOkay,â he says lightly. âThanks for, uh⌠letting me sleep over.â
âI think I kind of forced you,â she reminds him. âI couldnât quite have your hypothermia on my hands. Theyâd take away my medical license if I let you go back out in that rain. Oh, and take your time returning the clothes,â she adds suddenly. âAlthough I think that sweatshirt is yours, if Iâm not mistaken.â
âUm -â He looks down at the faded blue sweatshirt and grey joggers sheâd lent him last night. âOh, yeah. I stopped looking for this, like, three years ago. I thought I left it in some hotel in America.â
âWell, it wouldâve been on eBay selling for a million dollars if that were the case,â she says teasingly.
Seokjin cracks a smile. Unlike last night when, for a glorious portion of an hour, things had felt almost normal, he feels more uncomfortable than ever. Part of him feels like screaming into a pillow, for itâs occurring to him now what a terrible position heâs put himself and Nari in, not to mention Seulgi, stranded in Big Hit.
âOh.â The word escapes his lips before he realises. He scrambles off the sofa, running a hand through his messy hair. âI have to go⌠I need to pick up -â He looks up at Nari.
âYeah, no. Thatâs fine.â She nods. âI hope you donât feel weird about last night, though.â
âI donât.â He pauses. âI donât feel weird about it,â he says clearly, but this isnât the time to have this discussion. Not while his girlfriend is elsewhere, not until heâs done the right thing by her.
Nari looks like sheâs about to say something but shakes her head at the last moment. âThatâs good. I guess Iâll see you around?â
Seokjin observes her, bare face and slightly puffy eyes. She's biting her lip - heâd kissed those lips last night, he remembers and waits for his face to get hot again.
But it doesnât. He nods. âYeah. See you around, Nari.â He trudges out, squinting slightly at the sun and needing a coffee so, so badly.
âSeokjin.â Sheâs standing at the door when he turns and her eyes twinkle slightly in a way that makes his stomach leap hopefully. âThanks for coming last night, though.â
It takes him a moment. âOf course. Happy half-birthday, Nari.â
The roads are unforgiving. Despite a lot of the water having been drained, the streets are still flowing with ankle deep water, leaves and debris strewn around everywhere, and entire roads blocked for repairs.Â
Seokjin reaches Big Hit almost thirty minutes later than heâd intended. Just as heâs about to drive into the basement parking, he spots Seulgi walking out of the front doors, one hand on the strap of her bag and the other holding her phone.
He immediately pulls into the front of the building and skids to a stop, accidentally splashing water from a puddle on her ankles.
âWhat the -â
âSorry!â he exclaims apologetically, turning off the car and stepping out.
âSeokjin?â Her shoulders relax when she notices him - but she doesnât smile. âWhat are you doing here?â
âWell, the roads are crap. Figured you might need a ride home?â he ventures.
âOh.â She seems hesitant. Even after spending a whole night at the company sleeping quarters, she looks like sheâs stepped out a shower and spent thirty minutes getting ready; there isnât a hair out of place or a single crease in her clothing. Dressed in an ancient sweatshirt - and what he suddenly remembers with a shock are Nariâs joggers - he feels like a complete slob.
âUnless⌠you donât want one.â
Seulgi stares at him. For a second, he thinks she might throw her phone at his face. But a moment later she shrugs.
âThat would be nice. Thank you.â
Itâs formal and slightly awkward, but Seokjin takes it as a good sign when she opens the passenger door and gets in. He drives mostly in silence; he isnât sure what to say to her and figures he at least owes her a ride to her doorstep before they have this discussion.
This route is shorter, fortunately, and fifteen minutes later when he pulls up in front of her building, he takes a deep breath. Before he can get a word out, though, she speaks.
âWeâre done, Seokjin.â
His heart jolts harder than he expected it would. âWhat?â
She continues looking out of the windshield, but her voice is calm yet steely. âI spent more time yesterday worrying about our relationship than on my presentation. And thatâs not me. Neither is getting in the middle of a situation as messy as yours and Nariâs, but -â She scoffs without humour.
Seokjin isnât sure what hurts more: the fact that he wasnât expecting this right now, or the fact that he canât help but agree with her.
âSeulgi⌠I know I havenât been a good partner lately. I know that and you deserve -â
âDonât tell me what I deserve. Please,â she says, still calm, but this time he thinks he can hear her voice tremble slightly. âI think you tried. Trying to call me the last few weeks, checking up on me last night, picking me up right now⌠youâve been raised to be a decent guy.â She shakes her head and looks out her window. âBut it really loses its charm when thereâs another woman in the picture.â
Shame trickles down Seokjinâs spine but he forces himself to listen to her and absorb every single word. âIâm sorry. I didnât know what I felt for Nari - and I still donât, but I never meant to -â
âReally? Is that why youâre wearing a pair of pants with her name printed on them?â
His heart stops.
âWhat?â
Seulgi scoffs again, but itâs followed by the smallest of sniffs. âGod, I was such an idiot.â
Seokjin looks down at the joggers, frowning deeply and scanning his leg to see what Seulgi might have until he spots it: right by the edge of the pocket, in faded Hangul⌠Choi Nari.Â
âNo. No, no, this - no. No.â Seokjin shakes his head vigorously, for she's got it all wrong. But for some reason, his mouth seems incapable of saying anything other than no, no, no.Â
âSpare me. You're literally in her pants,â she says icily. âGod - I'm that girl. The one who started dating a guy with a girl best friend that stopped being just a friend somewhere along the way. Talk about a B-grade k-drama.â She begins gathering her bag and unstrapping her seatbelt.
âSeulgi,â he says hurriedly, âI did not - I swear to you, it's nothing like you're imagining.â
She turns to him and tilts her head, but her eyes are shuttered - apart from being wet. âReally? You weren't with her last night?â
âNo! I mean, I was at her house but I wasn't with -â
âGoodbye, Seokjin,â she interrupts him, opening the car door and climbing out. âThanks for the ride,â she mutters, just before slamming the door shut and walking away.Â
Seokjin watches her leave in shock. His heart is beating uncomfortably and he feels sick in his stomach, for as much of a right Seulgi had to do this and as much as he even expected her to, hurting her this way was not something he had ever intended.
He isnât sure how long he sits out there; it isnât until his phone rings that heâs jerked out of his trance.
âHello?â He clears his throat and presses his fingers into his eyes, feeling them get wet as he lowers them.
âSeokjin hyung?â Thereâs a minor commotion in the back. âThe meeting has been pushed back by half an hour.â
Itâs Jungkook. Seokjin nods, the meeting seeming like a distant problem right now. âOkay.â
âYeah, meaning we can probably grab breakfast before it. Do you want the staff to order something for you?â
As if on cue, his stomach churns at the thought of food. âUh, no.â
âNo?â
âYeah. Iâm not hungry.â Before Jungkook can argue further, Seokjin continues. âI have to go. Iâll be there soon.â
Hanging up, he finally pulls out from in front of Seulgiâs building, beginning his drive back home.
â
Sooahâs birthday lunch has been organised in a fancy, chic restaurant in central Seoul, on the top floor with added security and an exclusive invitation list. The sun is mild and thereâs a gentle breeze in the air, making the balcony area a popular spot for many of the guests to enjoy the newly improved weather with cocktails and appetizers being served by well-dressed waiters.
Hoseok provides his name at the entrance and enters the party, hoping furtively that the group of girls just outside the building haven't spotted his face. He looks around; evidently, the birthday girl hasn't arrived yet. He declines a passing waiter's offer of a prawn tempura and makes a beeline for the first member he sees.
âHey, hyung,â he says, slightly breathless as he reaches Yoongi. The older member had ended up bringing Jungkook, Namjoon and Taehyung from the company HQ, especially after the latter two had decided they wanted to drink freely at the party and not drive after that, leaving their cars still parked in the company basement.
Now, Yoongi, whoâs been quiet all morning and is holding a glass of what looks like gin, nods in acknowledgement even though his gaze is fixed somewhere on the ground.
However, Hoseok can't begin to wonder what his problem is right now. âOkay, look,â he begins, looking around to make sure there's no one around. âI did something horrible. Well, no, not horrible,â he amends quickly. âIt wasn't at all - okay, here's what it is, alright?â He swallows and takes a deep breath. âI hooked up with Chaeyoung,â he confesses in a single breath.
Yoongi, who'd been listening with his gaze still burning into the ground, finally looks at him. âWow,â he says, raising his eyebrows. âReally? Isn't she, like, fifteen or something?â
âWhat? No!â Hoseok cries. âShe's twenty-three! She's an adult - sheâs as old as Jungkook! Well, slightly younger,â he admits.
âHow much younger?â
â⌠eighteen months.â
Yoongi nods, then frowns. âOkay, well⌠itâs not that bad then. Sheâs old enough.â
âYeah, but sheâs -â My childhood neighbour, a family friend, and Chanyeolâs baby sister. â⌠Chaeyoung,â he finishes uneasily. âHer brother is going to kill me,â he groans, dropping his face into his hands.
âReally? Why?â Yoongi shrugs. âItâs her life, right?â
âI mean, sure. But Chan is really protective of her, especially after their mother passed.â Hoseok doesnât know how exactly to word it to someone who hasn't been there through it all, watching Chanyeol constantly keep an eye on the most important person in his life. Until she moved to Seoul and he asked me to take over.
âSo?â Yoongi shrugs, then takes a sip of his drink. âIt's her life,â she repeats. âHe can't look out for her forever.â
Hoseok exhales, sensing that Yoongi isn't quite getting the point. âOkay, just imagine that I hooked up with your younger sister.âÂ
Yoongi grimaces slightly. âOkay?â
âAnd imagine that I was your best friend, that we grew up together and I saw her grow up and I was⌠kind of a douche to her back then,â he mutters. âBut then everyone grows up and suddenly Iâm in the same city as her, you trusted me to look out for her - and instead I ended up in bed with her,â he finishes with a flourish. âWhat would you do?â
Yoongi squints, clearly trying to process this. âI⌠I donât know, thatâs a lot to keep track of. And you know what, I donât have sisters so I really - I mean, Iâm not the best person to ask. But you know who is?â he adds quickly, gesturing with his chin at something behind Hoseok.
Hoseok turns to see Namjoon finishing up a conversation with someone, clinking his glass with theirs cheerfully before they part ways.
âHeâs your best friend, you kind of grew up together and he has a younger sister.â Yoongi counts them off one by one. âOne heâs fairly protective of.â
âIs he?â Hoseok frowns. âProtective of his sister? Like he is with Kaya?â
âWell, itâs not the same situation but heâs protective by nature. And youâre just getting an opinion, not recreating it to the T,â Yoongi reminds him, nudging his shoulder. âHeâs your guy.â
Hoseok considers this and nods, making his way over to Namjoon. Namjoon notices him approaching and smiles, which Hoseok returns with a slightly confused one of his own.
âHoba!â Namjoon exclaims, clapping him on the back and almost knocking the wind out of him. âHowâve you been? Can I get you a drink?â
âOh, uh⌠no, thanks.â Hoseok shakes his head but agrees to a wonton on the spread in front of them. Chewing, he observes Namjoon, who looks far happier than he can remember seeing him in recent times. Itâs not unexpected, given how long he and Kaya spent apart.
Suddenly deciding he doesnât want to think about why Namjoon looks so happy, he hurries to speak.
âSo, uh⌠say I hooked up with your sister,â he begins quickly, only for Namjoonâs smile to disappear in an instant.
âYou⌠what?â he exclaims, and his height suddenly seems looming.
Hoseok frowns before rolling his eyes. âSay,â he repeats, âthat I hooked up with your sister.â
âOh. Why?â When Hoseok doesnât answer immediately, Namjoon raises his eyebrows. âDude, did you sleep with someoneâs sister?â
âWhoa, whoa, whoa.â Hoseok takes a step back and raises his hands. âI did not sleep with her. We didnât have sex - like, it was so not like that. Because sex is⌠we didnât⌠I mean, no sex was had,â he finishes, his throat feeling dry.
âSo I take it you didnât have sex?â
âNo, we didnât.â But I may as well have, he thinks, flashes of last night surfacing in his mind. Her hair, her skin, her voice like heâd never heard it before⌠Hoseok sighs. âI went over to Chaeyoungâs last night and we⌠fooled around,â he confesses, hoping he wonât be asked to elaborate.
Namjoon is far too sensible to do that, fortunately. âRight. And⌠thatâs a bad thing,â he states, as though waiting for Hoseok to confirm it.
He opens his mouth, knowing what he should say. âNo,â he admits after a moment. âThatâs the worst part, that nothing about it was bad at all.â He shakes his head even as his chest feels lighter for the first time all day. âIt was incredible. And not just the - the hooking up, but being with her, laughing and talking⌠God, we talked all night,â he remembers, his eyes dropping to the floor.
Namjoon raises his eyebrows again, this time looking somewhat impressed. âSounds like the dream,â he remarks deliberately.Â
âYeah?â
âTotally. And clearly you know that because youâre getting that same little smile the thought of it,â he points out. âThe one you guys used to tease me about?â
Hoseok immediately straightens his face, not even realising heâd been smiling. âShut up.â
Namjoon shrugs serenely, finishing his drink and helping himself to a second. âYouâre worried about her brother, though,â he guesses.
âMore than worried.â He shakes his head and drops his face into his hands. âHeâs going to think I totally betrayed him.â
âDid you, though?â
âI donât know. Thatâs why Iâm asking you,â he says urgently. âIf I hooked up with your sister - your younger sister - while Iâm your friend⌠what would you do?â
Namjoon frowns uncertainly, apparently thinking about it, then exhales. âI wouldnât be thrilled,â he admits. âIt would feel a little like you were going behind my back? Especially since⌠well, itâs my sister.â He winces, apparently realising heâs not doing a very good job at explaining this. âNo guy ever wants to think about his little sister doing that, least of all with one of his friends.â
âThatâs perfect,â mutters Hoseok.
âNo, but you know - itâs a little different in Chanyeolâs case,â muses Namjoon, now leaning backwards against the table and pointing at the air, as though itâs an interesting problem heâs solving on an invisible whiteboard. âYou actually grew up with him.â
âIsnât that worse? Because not only did I grow up with him, I grew up with her. And Chan isâŚâ He exhales tiredly. âShe wonât believe me, but heâs always been extremely protective of her. Especially since their mom died. Emotionally, physically⌠I know him - thereâs nothing in this world he would prioritise over his sister.â
Namjoon is quiet for a moment. âIs it because their mom died?â
âI donât know. Probably,â he admits. âHe was kind of like the golden child when they were young and she was always a little left out and overlooked⌠he never admitted it but I know he felt guilty about it. He always tried to make up for it and look after her more - even now, when she moved to Seoul.â
âWell, I can see that,â says Namjoon reasonably. âItâs difficult to see your younger sibling as anything other than a kid, especially when theyâre that much younger. You thought of her as a kid, too, if I remember correctly,â he reminds him, irritatingly logical.
âBut sheâs not a kid anymore,â argues Hoseok. âI did think that at first but⌠sheâs really not. Sheâs smart and insightful and - and sheâs focused on her career. And sheâs pragmatic - you know last night during the storm, she had hot water and instant ramen stocked up in case the power went out?â His eyes widen and he shrugs hugely. âSix of us in the dorm and not one of us thought to stock up on food. If Iâm not wrong, Jungkook ate a bowl of cold kimchi for dinner while Taehyung ate half a block of cheese. And that was with the power on!â
Namjoon grimaces. âWhat was happening while I was gone?â
âAnd she made brownies!â Hoseok exclaims, ignoring his friend. âAnd they were good. And she was crocheting - sheâŚâ He takes a deep breath. âShe gave me a crocheted bear,â he tells Namjoon in a low voice. âAnd I donât know if she put some kind of spell on it, but for some reason, it wonât leave my pocket.âÂ
Namjoon raises his eyebrows but Hoseok canât seem to stop talking - not now that heâs finally saying out loud things that have been swimming in his brain for months.
âSheâs cute and sheâs funny - and sheâs got this killer confidence. Where did that even come from?â he demands. âShe used to be all shy and awkward before but now sheâs⌠oh, and sheâs started giving advice now? Good advice, incidentally, and I just want to⌠I just want to talk to her all the time because sometimes it really feels like she can solve every single one of my problems. And honestly, after last nightâŚâ Hoseok runs a hand through his hair, glancing at Namjoonâs expression and hating it, âNamjoon, believe me⌠sheâs a grown woman.â
Thereâs a few seconds of silence where Hoseok fights the urge to yell incomprehensibly into the abyss.
âSo⌠I know you guys donât really like it when I do this,â begins Namjoon slowly, âbut if I understand it correctly, your problem isnât so much that you slept with Chaeyoung -â
âI didnât sleep with -â
â- itâs that youâre falling in love with Chaeyoung,â he finishes, nodding as though explaining a rather simple maths problem without wanting to hurt his feelings.
âIâm - Iâm not,â murmurs Hoseok, even as his heart sinks for more often than not, Namjoon is right.
âBut that changes things,â says Namjoon. âIf you actually had feelings for my sister - real feelings, and I was convinced that you werenât just messing around with her⌠I would actually be kind of okay with it. It would be weird,â he admits, shuddering a little, âbut it wouldnât be the worst thing. Iâm sure it would be the same with Chanyeol. No?â
Hoseok shakes his head. It isnât as if the thought hasnât occurred to him, but if thereâs one person who knows Chanyeol, itâs him.
âYou know, it might? Except, when we were growing up, I was a dick to Chaeyoung,â he admits in a low voice, the shame and guilt bubbling deep in his stomach. âHe was protecting her from his parents and his step-mom and other kids⌠but he was also protecting her from me.âÂ
He doesnât say it out loud - he canât, because itâs too shameful, that the one and only time that Chanyeol ever snapped at him, the only time Hoseok ever felt that he could lose his best friend was when heâd warned him to stop making fun of his little sister.
It had been when they were in high school. Hoseok had taken it way down after that, choosing only to tease her in a more playful way or ignore her altogether, usually when Chanyeol wasnât around. But it was undeniable that even though theyâd moved past it, Hoseok had crossed a line.
Until now.
âIâm the last person Chanyeol will be okay with, being with his sister,â he states, knowing itâs true.
Namjoon doesnât say anything for a few seconds. âLook, Hobi⌠that was years ago. You were a kid.â He seems to spot something behind Hoseokâs shoulder. âWhatâs more important is how she feels about your past.â
Hoseok is about to open his mouth when his phone pings at the same time as Namjoonâs. Similar pings are heard throughout the room and when he checks his phone, itâs to see a message on a group chat.
Jimin [13:04]
Weâre on our way up. Everyone get ready!
As promised, less than a minute later, they hear the lift open and Jiminâs voice sing-song as he speaks. A moment later, he appears at the doorway with Sooah, his face breaking into a cherubic smile as he gestures to the room with a flourish.
âSurprise!â
All the guests chorus together and Sooah, after gasping and seemingly suffering a mild heart attack, begins greeting people who come forward to hug her. Hoseok and Namjoon hang back, allowing her school friends to greet her first, including Taehyung, while Jimin stands beside her proudly, evidently satisfied with her reaction. Itâs then that Hoseok sees her.
âOh, my God, sheâs here,â he breathes, instantly turning away but unable to do so for long. He chances a glance at her as he half-hides behind Namjoonâs broad frame; in an oversized striped pink sweater, a short denim skirt, sheer pink stockings and black combat boots, she looks like an ice cream - a cute, pink, irresistible ice cream with slightly flushed cheeks and long wavy hair. Bubblegum punk, heâd said to her once and here she is, clearly embracing it.
âOkay, the worst thing you can do is be dramatic about this,â warns Namjoon. âJust go and talk to her like everythingâs - wait,â he says suddenly. âWhat did you say to her this morning?â
âOh. Well, I didnât want to wake her up, so -â
Namjoon turns around with his eyebrows high on his forehead. âYou snuck out?â he whispers loudly.
âNo! I mean, technically - but I needed to leave for that meeting and my phone was dead so I couldnât text her. And I didnât want to wake her up,â he adds defensively, anticipating the question. âDonât worry, I left her a note.â
âA note?â
âYeah, and it was a nice note,â he says shortly. âWhatever I do, Iâm not going to screw her over like that.â
They go over to greet the birthday girl after that, once the crowd thins out. Hoseok catches Chaeyoungâs eye for the briefest of moments, feeling his heart skip an enormous beat. But she moves away and he follows her slender figure going to place her present on the gift table.
â... thought it was going to be just a small lunch, you and me. You didnât have to go through all thisâŚâ
âI wanted to give you a surprise⌠donât you like it?â
âOh, of course I do, ChimâŚâÂ
Sooah leans up to press a kiss to Jiminâs cheek, who looks mollified when he spots them, followed by Sooah. âHey, guys,â she says, leaning up to hug them in turn as they chorus their own happy birthdays to her. âThank you for coming, I know how busy you all are.â
âWhereâs Seokjin hyung?â Jimin asks, scanning the room.
âHe said he wasnât feeling up to it. He says sorry,â adds Hoseok apologetically, while Sooah waves a hand. âHe did look quite off even during the meeting this morning.â
Jimin murmurs something noncommittal but shrugs, evidently deciding to let it go when Taehyung and Jungkook join them as well, deep in discussion that abruptly stops when they come into earshot.
âNamjoon oppa, Jimin told me you just got back from New Zealand,â says Sooah. âHow was it?â
âOh, yeah, you never told us,â adds Jungkook. âDid you do the ziplining thing this time?â he asks excitedly
Namjoon takes a sip of his drink and shakes his head. âNo, no, we didnât,â he answers, chuckling.
âOh. Well, you must have gone to Milford Sound - he was obsessed with that place the last time we were there,â remembers Hoseok. âRemember? You wanted to stay there longer but the staff made us leave. Thatâs the kind of place Kaya would like, too.â
âOh, yeah. It was really nice - but I donât know, we never really got around to doing that,â he admits.
âOkay.â Jungkook frowns. âWhat about that Lord of the Rings hike? Thatâs right up your alley.â
âEr⌠no. Didnât end up doing that either.â
Hoseok frowns. âSo what did you do for three weeks?â
Thereâs a few moments where no one speaks and Namjoon doesnât answer, opting instead to take a long, slow sip of wine and ending it with a soft smack of his lips, all the while when Hoseok finds himself slowly regretting his question.
âOh. Oh, God.â He swallows before groaning. Jungkookâs ears go red while Sooah and Jimin snort, and Taehyung claps him on the shoulder as they all disperse, clicking his tongue and winking at him.
âDonât prolong it,â murmurs Namjoon to Hoseok before he leaves, his eyes clearly on Chaeyoung. âJust be normal with her.â
âRight. Normal.â Itâs easier said than done, for Hoseok discovers that heâs barely able to look at Chaeyoung without thinking about last night. His feelings for her were tending towards a problematic region long before this, but something had changed irreversibly last night. There was no scope for denial anymore, he realises, not about his attraction to her or deeper emotions that make his stomach flip.
Worst of all, itâs the looming thought of Chanyeol following him every time she enters his mind. He would lose Chanyeol over this, he knows it. Hoseok didnât think losing Chanyeol would ever even be worthy of consideration in his mind - until Chaeyoung, looking like a cute, pretty, sensitive ice cream.
He drifts towards the table of hors d'oeuvres, trying to force an appetite. Nothing looks appealing, though, not now, but he scans it anyway hopefully. Someone else arrives at the table, and he smells her before he sees her.
âHi,â says Chaeyoung, giving him a small smile and picking up a small chocolate at the edge of the table.
Itâs too much: her summery perfume, her shiny hair, the memory of her naked rib cage underneath his palms while she sighed his name in a way that would make Chanyeol punch him in the face if he knew. He exhales shakily as she takes a step closer to him; even though they arenât even slightly touching, the proximity makes his heart race and to his horror, he can feel his jeans tighten.
âWhat are you doing?â he asks in a low voice, dropping all pretense and turning to her.
She raises her eyebrows. âIâm saying hi,â she answers, not sounding even a fraction as frazzled as he feels. She does look⌠happy to see him, though. The thought makes his heart leap and hurt at the same time.
âListen, Chae,â he begins, because he just canât do this. She nods, looking casual and breezy, her cheeks with a hint of pink still on them.Â
âYeah?â
âLook, last night was⌠amazing,â he admits, noting how, despite the casual demeanour sheâs displaying, a smile begins creeping up on her face as well. Her lips are pink, too, and glossy⌠âIt was amazing and - and youâre amazing.â Her smile widens slightly and her cheeks flush a little brighter and Hoseok feels his strength start to leave him bit by bit. âBut it canât happen again. No matter how I feel⌠Chanyeol is still my best friend and youâre still his sister and⌠you are so off limits.â
Chaeyoung doesnât seem fazed. Her smile fades slightly but not completely and she licks her lips, as though able to see right through him. âItâs a little late for that, I think,â she says lightly, brushing a lock of hair off her neck.
Be still, my heart. âNo, itâs not. I mean, it⌠yeah. Maybe.â He looks at the floor and exhales deliberately, trying to gather his thoughts. âBut it canât go further. I - I really hope you understand, Chae,â he implores, meeting her eyes, wide and doe-like. âYouâre amazing,â he repeats, meaning it, âbutâŚâ
She doesnât say anything for a moment, then nods. âOkay.â Giving him that same small, nonchalant smile, she pops the piece of chocolate in her mouth and walks away.
â
Seokjin wakes up from the worst sleep heâs encountered in a while - and that includes the tour theyâve just wrapped up.
It had taken him a long time to fall asleep. Once heâd finally managed to somewhat numb himself to the fact that heâd just been dumped because his girlfriend thought heâd cheated on her, heâd tried to close his eyes and get just a little while of nothingness. But he felt wrung out; he was emotionally so exhausted that it was hard to even sleep, especially because he knew, he knew, that while his break-up with Seulgi was affecting him, it was the fact that he didn't even know how Nari fit into all this.
Well, he knew. He had an idea and he was aware of the general area in which Nari was involved, but all his strength was going into not thinking about that right now because it was a Pandoraâs box he didn't want to rifle through at the moment.
Then, of course, the moment heâd tried to catch a few winks, his phone had started buzzing with updates from Sooah's birthday lunch. Jimin hadn't taken it too well when Seokjin had told him after the meeting that he wouldn't be able to make it and while he hadn't been able to bring himself to explain why, something in his expression must have done it for him, for Jimin had abruptly stopped pestering him and told him to stop by if he felt better.
He checks his phone now, realising he's slept through lunch. The late afternoon sun is already dimming, as though warning the city of an early sunset. He sits up on the couch, his back hurting and head pounding and heart racing from the vague dream he'd had of Seulgi imprisoning him in an underground jail while Namjoon appeared as a hologram and read a list of his crimes.
You're a decent guy, but it loses its charm when there's another woman in the picture.Â
It was like a sick twist of fate, the momentary relief that Seulgi was breaking up with him until it turned to dread when he realised why she was breaking up with him. And the other woman in the picture⌠Seokjin runs a hand across his face, knowing that it wouldn't have made anything better if he'd try to explain why he was wearing Nari's joggers in the first place.Â
No, I wasn't sleeping with her - not at all. I went to her place in the storm to wish her a happy half-birthday in line with a decades-old tradition, we splashed around in the rain for a while where an accidental kiss took place, and then she offered me dry clothes and her couch for the night because she's a doctor and she was worried about hypothermia.
It sounds ridiculous - not to mention like a rather trite story. He'd taken off the joggers the moment he'd entered the dorm, throwing on the first pair of trousers he'd found in his room before driving away for his meeting. He'd chucked it in the washing machine after getting back and then the dryer, and in the absence of anything else to do except overthink his ended relationship, Seokjin stalks over to the dryer and retrieves the washed joggers. Without sitting back down, he collects his keys and prepares to drive over to Nari's.
It will be therapeutic, he supposes, to get rid of the immediate cause of his break-up. Plus, he would get the opportunity to apologise to Nari again - for staying over last night, for accidentally kissing her, maybe for showing up at all.
As he nears her building, he slows down. The street is still empty, although the water guns are no longer where they were last night. Itâs almost as though the evidence of what transpired has been wiped away clean; Seokjin canât decide whether thatâs supposed to be a good thing.
Thereâs a good chance she wonât be home right now, he realises. But he still parks the car where he had last night and steps out, folded joggers in hand, looking up at the corridor window that had blown away her notes last night. Itâs open and gives him a direct view of her front door.
Just then, as if on cue, the door opens. Seokjinâs stomach leaps without warning - for sheâs home - and despite the bad day heâs had so far, a ghost of a smile graces his face.Â
Nari appears at the door, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. Seokjin takes a step forward but halts immediately in his tracks when she breaks into a relieved sort of smile and she opens the door wider - and someone else appears into view.
Itâs a man. Itâs him - Jason or whoever - who sheâd brought to dinner at his place. Sheâd maintained that they were simply colleagues but either sheâd been lying or the situation had changed since then, but Seokjin is motionless as he watches Jason kiss her casually on the cheek as she moves aside to let him in.
Maybe itâs the culmination of an already dismal day or itâs the unexpected nature of this discovery, but nothing thatâs happened so far has crushed his chest quite so viscerally. Seokjin almost hopes heâs mistaking someone else for Nari or itâs a friendly, platonic, even brotherly situation - heâs grasping at straws mentally, even as Jason steps inside and the door closes behind him.
â
Near the late afternoon, when the sunlight starts to become sparse, the party starts to wrap up. Guests begin saying goodbye, passing by the table piled high with gifts on their way to the lift, many people happily day drunk and stumbling out.
âDid you know Sooah had this many friends?â Yoongi mutters, sidling up to Hoseok. He looks longingly at the drinks table next to them, now with far more empty bottles than when they'd first arrived.
âI didn't know someone could have this many friends,â he admits, somewhat admiringly. Across the hall, she looks appropriately engaged, swaying to the Justin Bieber track playing on the speaker and talking to two people as she sipped on a cocktail with a straw. A little way away, Jimin, Taehyung and two other guys he'd never seen before were aggressively popping to the song while simultaneously filming each other and guffawing.
âSounds like a lot of work.â Yoongi sighs and shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. âWhen do you want to head out? Because I could use a drink.â
âOh, is that why you've been sober all day?â Hoseok chuckles. âThatâs adorable, hyung. You're like the mother hen trying to get her chickens to walk in a straight line before doing anything else.â
âThat's me. Do you see the other chickens around? Namjoon and Jungkook are sharing a cigarette on the balcony,â he notes.
âJimin and Taehyung are over there, although Iâm guessing Jimin will be with Sooah. I don't think they're all Sooah's friends,â he says after a moment. âThey aren't close friends at least. I think they're mostly old classmates and stuff that she's kind of in touch with. Jimin just goes all out.â
âHe told you that?â
âNot exactly,â he mutters, his gaze moving to the one figure he's been glancing at continuously. Chaeyoung is by the appetiser station again, a clear drink in her hand as she fingers the edge of one of the food cards. Her bottom lip is between her teeth and she's frowning.Â
As he watches, a friend of Sooah's joins her and says something, to which she nods and laughs politely. He responds and she shrugs, a bit uncertainly, before picking up a single French fry and popping it in her mouth.
âDid you talk to her?â
Hoseok doesn't bother beating around the bush and inquiring who Yoongi is referring to. âKind of. Went better than I anticipated, actually.â
âReally?â Yoongi raises his eyebrows. âWhat did you say to her?â
âTold her last night was fun and all but it can't happen again.â Hoseok turns away from her. âShe seemed fine with it.â
âYou don't sound fine with it.â
âWhat do you mean? I'm the one who suggested it.â
âYou don't sound fine with the fact that she was fine with it.â
Hoseok glares at Yoongi but doesnât argue. He turns to Chaeyoung again, this time a bit more alert when he notices her grabbing her sling bag, clearly ready to leave. He follows her pink, wavy-haired figure as she floats over to Sooah and presumably wishes her again before giving her a hug.
He frowns as their interaction continues: Chaeyoung asks her something and Sooah responds easily, tilting her head and giggling as she points to Jimin. Chaeyoungâs face falls for a fraction of a second before itâs replaced with a smile and a nod. They hug again and this time, Chaeyoung starts to leave.Â
As she does, she meets Hoseokâs eyes. His heart stops briefly but she simply gives him a casual wave and a small smile, before stepping into the lift and waiting for the doors to close.
Hoseok swallows, his mind going a mile a minute for the next few seconds. âHyung,â he says, âyouâre taking the rest of the chickens back to HQ?â
âYou know it.â Yoongi follows Hoseokâs gaze. âYou have your car?â
Hoseok nods before clapping him on the back and dashing off in the same direction as Chaeyoung. He takes the stairs two at a time and spills out into the lobby of the building, head darting around and spotting a telltale pair of pink stockinged legs disappearing around the corner outside the glass doors.
He follows her, jogging a bit until heâs within earshot. He calls her name and she turns, looking surprised but not altogether disappointed at his presence.Â
âHey,â she says, as though theyâve coincidentally run into each other on a normal day. Behind her, the sun is far away at the horizon, a bright spot peeking through the clouds as it prepares to set. Right now, though, itâs difficult to pay attention to it.
âLeaving already?â he asks, a little uselessly, but itâs just occurred to him that he has no idea why he followed her out.
âYeah, I guess. Most people are gone,â she says. âPlus⌠I donât really know anybody there apart from Sooah herself. And you,â she adds with a smile when he raises his eyebrows. She doesnât say anything else but Hoseok suddenly feels guilty, for three hours at a party not knowing anyone canât be easy.
âYou know the other guys, though,â he says after a moment. âJimin and, uhâŚâ
âYeah, I was hanging out with Jungkook for a while.â She nods, fingering the strap of her bag. âItâs getting late, though.â
The decent thing to do would be to offer her a ride. Heâs on the verge of doing it; now that heâs here in front of her, everything heâd told her earlier today seems vague and blurry and, frankly, unimportant.
âIâm sorry, Chae.â
She frowns. âOh, donât be. It wasnât that bad - like, the food was good and I got a few nice pictures -â
âNo, not about that.â
âOh.â She licks her lips and nods once. âAbout that⌠donât be sorry about that either. I get it - itâs weird. Weâre practically family and you and my brother especially are -â
âNope. Not that either.â
She stares at him blankly. âIâm out of guesses.â
âI'm sorry forâŚâ Whatâs more important is how she feels about your past. Namjoon, ever the wise one, had touched upon the only element in this mess that could bring Hoseok out of his pit of guilt about Chanyeol: Chaeyoung.
âYeah?â
He takes a deep breath. âI'm sorry for everything. Everything I did when we were kids, everything I saidâŚâ He bites his lip as she processes this, her eyes flickering slightly before they fall to the ground. âI was a huge jerk to you. And I know I was a kid, too, and so were you⌠but that doesn't mean that it all just disappears when we grow up. I know over the last year we've⌠gotten closer -âÂ
Her lips twitch and his cheeks grow warm. He hurries his next words.
â- but I still want to say, explicitly, that I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Chae.â
Something massive seems to have been lifted off his chest but a dull pressure still lingers, pulsating in rhythm with his heart beat. Chaeyoung nods again, slowly, and meets his eyes.]]
âApology accepted,â she says softly.
The pressure recedes; she feels more within reach than ever. It seems unbelievable that not twenty-four hours ago, she'd been on his lap in a state of undress, kissing him while it poured outside, making every other thought in his mind disappear.Â
âAnd I'm sorry, too,â she says after a moment, jerking him out of his dangerous train of thought. âI wasn't mean but I was⌠pretty clingy. Kids get teased mercilessly at that age over a haircut so I'm sure a kid who acted like⌠well, like me wouldn't have been easy,â she admits, two pink spots appearing on her pale cheeks.Â
Hoseok wants to kiss her, so desperately. It takes everything in him to stay rooted to the spot, even though there isn't a single part of him that wants to stay away from her. He should, but for the life of him, he can't quite remember why right now.
Chaeyoung exhales, looking slightly awkward but somewhat relieved - or maybe Hoseok is and he's projecting. Either way, she rocks backwards on the heels of her shoes and shrugs. âWell, I'm going to head,â she says abruptly, the pink tinge on her cheeks still visible. âAnd⌠thanks.â
âYou're walking?â
âYeah. After the rain last night it's actually kind of nice. And not totally dark yet,â she adds, looking up at the sky.
He should offer her a ride.Â
âCan I walk you home?â he blurts, pausing internally as he thinks about his car in the parking lot.
She looks surprised, too. âUm, are you sure? Don't you have to get back to the party?â
âOh, no, the party is almost dead, anyway,â he says, waving a hand dismissively. âEven Sooah and Jimin seem to be almost done. I'm sure they'll leave in a bit.â
âAnd to no one's surprise, she's going back to his place.â Chaeyoung shakes her head. âWow, I've clearly had one too many mojitos.â
Hoseok snickers. âDon't worry about it. With what I think their plans are tonight, you don't want them in the room next to you.â
She wrinkles her nose and then laughs. âTrue. But you don't have to walk me home. I'm fine.â
âI don't mind. Really.â
âIt's, like, a thirty minute walk.â
âFortunately, Iâm kind of good when it comes to stamina.â
Chaeyoung narrows her eyes and folds her arms across her chest. Ice cream, he thinks instantly, and begins to smile without meaning to.
âWhy did you apologise?â
âWhat do you mean?â He shrugs. âIt's the right thing to do.â
âSure, but why today?âÂ
His heart starts to race - or skip, and he simply shrugs. âSeemed like as good a day as any.â
Chaeyoung doesnât change her stance. âAre you sure?âÂ
The way she asks it, she seems to have caught onto something. Itâs too knowing and Hoseok feels his smile getting wider.
âYouâre a pain in my ass, caterpillar.â
That makes her laugh - an open, confident laugh and Hoseokâs heart soars.
âHave been, since two thousand four,â she agrees. âExcept, obviously, you apologised for all that.â
âYouâre going to be a handful.â The words are out of his mouth before he can control them but he finds he doesnât mind. Chaeyoungâs smile fades slightly and she bites her lip, the sun starting to set behind her.
âYou can walk me home,â she says after a moment, turning around but not moving. Hoseok hesitates for the briefest of moments but joins her as she starts walking, their fingers only inches apart.
â
Yoongi drives in silence, while Namjoon, Jungkook and Taehyung sing along to an old song from a TV show. For members of a world famous band, they all sound terrible - but he supposes that is a talent in itself. In the shotgun seat, Jungkook bounces to the song in the passenger seat while Taehyung adds his own ad-libs throughout, but Yoongi has no energy to tell them to stop.
They near the building and he drives into the basement parking, somewhat dreading going up to his studio. He parks and everybody climbs out; Jungkook mumbles something about the gym while Taehyung makes a phone call and they drift away. Namjoon hangs back, waiting for the younger members to leave their earshot before turning to Yoongi.
âAre you alright, hyung?â
âBitchinâ.â He catches Namjoonâs eye and sighs. âYeah, Iâm fine. Had a rough night, thatâs all.â
âBecause of the rain?â
That, too. âYeah. The good news is, I get to go edit debut tracks for a rookie group for the next eight hours.â He clicks his tongue.
Namjoon nods. âYou want some company?â
âMaybe later. Once you sober up,â he adds, cracking a smile. Namjoon chuckles good-naturedly before clearing his throat.Â
âI, uh, didnât want to say anything in front of the others, but⌠I found this in the back seat.â He fishes something out of his pocket and hands it to Yoongi. Yoongi opens his hand automatically, his stomach turning weakly when a small, bright green earring falls into his palm.
The hook of the earring digs into his palm when he enters the top floor of the building. Yoongi takes a seat at an empty table in the open floor pantry and pulls out his phone, scrolling through his emails. The floor is busier than usual; some team seems to be celebrating a colleagueâs birthday at another table, a cake with white icing and a couple of slices messily cut out sitting in the centre of the circle; one producer sits alone at a table with noise cancelling headphones on and typing aggressively on his laptop.Â
Yoongi looks around absently when his eyes land on the coffee station where - something pounds into his chest - he locks eyes with Miso. She holds his gaze for a couple of seconds before turning her back on him and dealing with her coffee.Â
The earring feels heavy in his hand and all of a sudden, he feels the urge to hurl it out of the window. There is next to no way itâs making it back to its owner in any case. After Miso had icily got into her car outside the motel this morning and Seungwan had driven her away, Yoongi had walked out of the room and watched her leave, proceeding to smoke two full cigarettes in the chilly morning.
The receptionist from last night had also appeared and heâd offered her a cigarette voluntarily, for she looked rather drained as well. Something about how quiet and isolated the place was, not a sound anywhere or even a breath except for the person next to him, made Yoongi feel so disconnected from everything that he felt numb. It was too early, too cold and too unfair. Next to him, the receptionist had chucked her half-smoked cigarette on the ground.
âYou didnât finish that,â stated Yoongi, not really caring.
Sheâd glanced at him before turning to look ahead, and Yoongi noticed for the first time the carnage from the storm in front of the motel: tree trucks, piles of scattered branches and leaves, water accumulated and overflowing from a ridge in the ground.Â
âFuck it,â sheâd said.
Maybe it was the aftermath of a terrible night or some sort of shared dissatisfaction with the world but fifteen minutes later, they were in the backseat of Yoongiâs car. It was quick, casual and ended almost as abruptly as it began, with both of them adjusting their clothes and going their separate ways with a brief, formal goodbye.Â
It seems like ages ago now, with Miso across the room from him, getting coffee outside her studio. Yoongi lowers his head and stares at his phone screen, not reading anything. From the corner of his eye, he sees her turn around and walk in his direction; she would have to pass him to return to her studio.
He canât think about their argument last night any longer. Itâs been rattling around in his mind all day: the rage, the guilt, the desperate desire to sit her down in front of him and read her damn mind. Most of all, thereâs an inkling of shame somewhere, deep down, in knowing that his reaction last night had been exactly what sheâd expected.Â
Thatâs what it had looked like, at least; her eyes had shuttered over at some point and sheâd reverted to the old Miso, the one who seemed to live to annoy him and gave nothing, no indication of who she was or what she was thinking. Her walls that heâd worked so hard to make a crack in had gone up instantly, except this time there was a disappointment there heâd never encountered before.
A flash in front of him jerks him away from the table: a hand appears momentarily, placing a cup of iced coffee in front of him with a small thud, before disappearing. Heart racing in mild shock, he turns to see Miso walking away without a second glance, her fingers wrapped around another cup as she turns the corner of the corridor.
He stares at the cup. Sip it first, heâd say ordinarily, straight-faced with only a hint of irony. Youâre just going to have to trust me, Min Suga, sheâd say, shrugging and settling into her chair, giving him a challenging raise of the eyebrows.
Yoongi takes a sip of the cold liquid, feeling it coat his throat and savouring the hit of caffeine. After a moment, he gets up and heads down the corridor, stopping at Donghyukâs studio and pausing before he knocks.Â
âCome in,â comes Misoâs voice, dry and uninterested.
Yoongi pushes open the door slowly to see her alone at the console, a laptop open in front of her and a singular lamp at the other end of the room being the only source of light. She looks at him very briefly before going back to her work. It almost seems as though she expected him to follow her; he canât tell if sheâs happy about it, though.
âThanks for the coffee,â he says.
She simply nods in response, scrolling through something on the laptop.
âListen,â he says again, placing the coffee on a table next to him and running a hand tiredly through his hair. âI need to tell you something.â
âOkay.â
âLast nightâŚâ He trails off for a moment, wishing heâd rehearsed this a bit before coming in here. âWell, firstly, Iâm sorry about last night. I shouldnât have⌠anyway. Sorry.â
Miso finally turns to him, looks him up and down, and then turns back around. ââKay. Is that it?â
âNo.â He exhales. âI hooked up with someone this morning. After you left, the receptionist and I⌠we had sex.â He cringes inwardly at his own words but he canât fathom how else to say it without mincing words. Sheâs still looking at her laptop; he isnât sure if heâs imagining it, but her shoulders stiffen slightly. âAnyway. I just wanted to let you know.â
Thereâs a beat of silence. Then -
âSo?â
âSo?â
âWhy are you telling me?â she asks, shrugging and turning around briefly. âIâm not your girlfriend.â
âI know youâre not. ButâŚâ He frowns, trying to suppress the annoyance in his stomach thatâs already threatening to bubble up. âIâm just letting you know. Transparency and all that.â
âBut itâs none of my business.â
Yoongi closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, counts to three and slowly exhales. âRight. Well. Itâs just something normal people do, I guess. Talk to each other and communicate when theyâreâŚâ
She turns around properly this time, her legs folded and her elbows resting on her thighs. âWhen theyâreâŚâ She raises her eyebrows. âWhen theyâre hooking up? We made out a few times⌠are you telling me because of that?â
He doesnât respond; he can barely look at her right now, anger and embarrassment creeping into his chest now.
âThis is exactly what I was afraid of, Yoongi,â she says knowingly, as though sheâs pointing out an unsatisfactory edit to a track. âI told you to stay away. But you didnât listen. You stayed, you got attached, and youâre telling me about a one-night stand you had. And now you have some kind of⌠expectation of me when what you really should have done was stay away right from the start.â
âYou know what? Iâm starting to think the same thing,â he snaps, shaking his head and going to grab his coffee. âI guess forming an attachment with an ice queen is my lesson.â
âYou got me attached, too.â Itâs the only thing that makes him stop in his tracks. âAnd thatâs the problem with getting attached - you start to care. And then when you find out something that you canât help, something thatâs out of your control and doesnât fit the image of me you have in your mind - the damsel that needs saving because, admit it, thatâs what I am to you right now - it shatters everything.â
Yoongi grits his teeth, but somewhere his throat starts to hurt. He grips the cup and turns around slowly to see her still sitting in the same position, face and voice unnaturally calm.
He needs to choose his words carefully, he knows, but she makes it impossible to think. âI do care,â he begins slowly in a low voice, staring at the floor. âYou can make it out to be whatever saviour complex you want but I do care and I do want to help you and be there for you. What is wrong with you that you wonât let me?â he demands tightly, clenching his fist at his side.
âBecause it wonât work,â she continues in that same state of forced calm. âThis - this challenge? You can spend weeks and months and do all-nighters and collaborate with whoever you want but itâs not going to work. Itâs beyond you now. And once you realise that, itâs just going to be an abandoned project. A file somewhere in your computer you just couldnât crack. I donât need to be saved,â she says after a moment. âSo itâs better for you that you stop trying. And maybe you wonât be so disappointed anymore.â
Yoongi stares at her, her impassive eyes and slouched figure. Itâs exhausting; heâs tired and drained and helpless and she simply moves farther and farther away each time.
âYou got it, Kang Chanel,â he mutters. âIâll stay away.â Not wanting to spend a second longer in here, he turns around and walks out of the studio.
Miso watches him leave, using every bit of strength in her to keep her mind blank, to push every single thought and emotion out and, for just a few hours, focus on something that isnât her clusterfuck of a life. She spends the next few hours alone in the studio, eating take-out from a box and going on a Zoom meeting with Donghyuk.
When itâs nearly midnight, hours longer than sheâd thought sheâd stay (but wishing she could for longer), she begins to wrap up, saving and closing demo files and packing up her notebook, when her inbox pings.
âDamn it, Donghyuk,â she sighs, bending over to squint at the screen in the dark. Her heart skips a beat when she sees an instant message from Min, Yoongi. Index finger hovering over the mouse, she takes a deep breath and opens it. Itâs a screenshot of what looks like a folder on a Mac laptop, but empty. She frowns when her laptop pings again.
[Prod Suga] [00:02]
[screenshot]
This is all the abandoned projects Iâve had in ten years.
Happy to stay away, but donât you dare call yourself a project ever again.
â
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⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?
⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15
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â§â§Many, Many Circas Agoâ§â§
The news of Hajinâs death spread faster than the Solarian fire. It upset many; she wasnât only a dedicated soldier but also the crown princessâthe last heir to the Darlaean throne. And to you, she was your best friend, your soulmate, someone akin to being your sister.Â
You were forced to make a mind-numbing speech to the nation, taking responsibility as the General who allowed the princess to be slain under her watch. Your soldiers listened, heads bowed, understanding that the Solarians were to blame. But many others denounced your authority, criticized your methods, and blamed you for handing Hajin off on a silver platter for the Solarians to kill. Someone threw their shoe at you when you were up on the stage, which hit your cheek at an astonishing velocity and left it bruised. You were forced off the platform to avoid any more attacks from the angry crowd. The next day, scholars in the 11th city used your failures to advocate that Darlae should surrender or at least push for peace.Â
Your bruised cheek and sprained ankle from the battle healed immediately with your private team of healers, but the pain never stopped. Perhaps it was the guiltâthat it really was your fault that Hajin was deadâor perhaps it was the pain of having thousands of Darlaeans despise your existence for a mistake that killed such a beloved member of royalty. You werenât sure what went wrong. But you knew you had the power to prevent it, and youâd failed.
It was cowardly of you, but you fled to the comfort of the 12th city, unable to handle the agony. Hoseok took you in with open arms. Not once did he blame you for your failure to protect his daughter. Instead, he treated you as his own, which he always had anyway. But the pain of having lost his only child, the last heir to the throne had affected him too. For days after her death, he didnât come out of his chambers and left his food untouched.
You were in a similar state. You spent the next week in your chambers in the castle, unable to get out of bed, unable to find the motivation to even lift your head from your pillow. Jungkook grew worried about you. He visited the 12th city on the eighth day since Hajinâs death and knocked upon your door. When you didnât answer, he slowly opened it, only to find you hidden under your blankets.
âHey,â he said, his voice gentle and quiet.
You didnât answerâcouldnât. You were afraid of crying again.Â
âThe people donât know what theyâre talking about,â he tried again. âI talked to your parents and asked them to placate the scholars. And Iâve done everything in my power to squash misconceptions and rumors about your role in⌠in her passing.â
Still no answer. But you were trembling now.Â
âIt wasnât your fault,â he said. âItâs the damn war.â
That only reminded you of the job that youâd neglected for a week. How could you ever go back to commanding the army having made such a large mistake that killed your best friend? How could it not be your fault? Why couldnât you protect her? You couldâve easily put her in the flank of the formation that statistically had the lowest casualties. Why didnât you? Was it an oversight? Were you too confident in her capabilities? But she was capable. She always was. She was only an unlucky victim of a vicious Solarian soldier who was known to shoot at her targets with metal rings on her hands. How fucking inhumane.Â
âHey,â Jungkook said again. It brought you back to reality, which only sharpened the taste of anguish.Â
He sat at the edge of the bedâyou only knew because the mattress dipped.Â
âCome back to the 1st city with me,â he said. âWe have to move on.â He sounded sweet, or maybe you were in love with his voice, among the other parts of him. But his words cut deeply.
You ripped the covers over your head. A wave of fresh air hit your nose. He was in his uniform with the fur cape wrapped around his shouldersâeven though he shouldâve had plenty of time to change into something more comfortable. He liked to be in uniform when he discussed the military, and it stung that he believed this was a matter of business when it should be personal.
Hot tears spilled out of your eyes. âMove on? How can you say that?âÂ
Heâd been present at the funeral, during your embarrassing failure of a eulogy. And as soon as you were ushered off the stage, he was sent up for what you could only assume was damage control. He had the miraculous ability to appease the crowdâat least, divert their attention away from you and add fuel to the burning hatred of a fire that most Darlaeans felt toward the Solarians. He was stern but unveiled just enough emotion to charm. And yet he never cried. Not even behind closed doors. The day after, he operated as he usually didâas if nothing had happened at all.
âY/N, sheâs dead now,â Jungkook said. âWe should focus on the war.â
Anger ripped through your chest. The red was back, and you were oh so sick of it. They were only words, but they somehow pained you even more. You couldnât help but to raise your voice. âShe was our friend!â
âSheâs just another fallen soldier.â
âYou know damn well she was not!â
How could he reduce all the memories, the late-night talks over dinner, all of the time the two of you spent with her into nothing? How could he be so cruel?
âShe saved my life once,â he admitted. âAnd Iâll forever be sorry that I wasnât able to return the favor. But we leave the dead on the ground no matter who they are.â
â...What?â
âItâs to protect the soldiers who are living. You know that.â
âWithout me and Taehyung, we wouldnât have had her body at the funeral!âÂ
âAnd you are both fortunate to be alive,â he said. How the hell could he sound so level-headed despite your adversarial tone? âWe canât risk the lives of the living for the dead.â
âBut this was different!â Tears blurred your vision. You stumbled out of bed to face him, pointing an accusatory finger at his chest. âShe was the crown princess, and she was your friend. You said youâd be sad if she died! But how can you act like nothing happened? How can you justâjust fucking leave her on the battlefield? You couldnât even cover for me!â
âDonât accuse me of never caring about her,â Jungkook said. His voice was barely above a whisper, but you could tell he was furious. His fists were clenched and his body tensed as he averted his eyes. âDonât fucking go there.â
âBut you left her!â
And you left me.
âYou donât order a retreat for one soldier, Y/N,â he said. âI donât care if she was our friend. I donât care if she was the crown princess. There was no retreat ordered when General Son was injured, so why the fuck would we stop a battle we are winning for a dead, unranked soldier?â
You were shocked into silence.Â
His eyes were so cold, devoid of any emotion.Â
I donât care if she was our friend. I donât care if she was the crown princess.
You were shaking, and though you had enough layers of clothing on, you felt perpetually cold.Â
We donât stop a battle we are winning for a dead, unranked soldier.
Before you knew it, you were screaming at him. You donât know if you were saying words, or if you were just simply screaming and screaming and screaming, but your throat felt raw. Your knees hit the floor, tears from your face splattering on the ground on impact.
You didnât know how long you were screaming. Your ears were ringing, your jaw aching. But you couldnât stop. And when you believed the pain couldnât possibly get worse, you saw him stand. Then, he walked away.
Your world shattered.Â
Heâd left. Heâd really left.
All the rage inside your body dissolved into an even worse painâgrief. Fresh, hot tears streamed down your face.Â
You wondered if heâd ever come back.Â
It had been weeks since Hajinâs death, but not a day had gone by without you crying over her grave. If you werenât in the royal graveyard, hunched over Hajinâs tombstone, you were ensconced under your covers, hoping perhaps that youâd suffocate and be put out of your misery.Â
You hadnât spoken to your lieutenant at all since your last fight, but somehow, your army ran quite smoothly, even though you were on temporary leave. The Darlaean King told you to take as much time as you needed to mourn and advised Jungkook to look after his nation for the time being.
âPlease, take care of Y/N when she forgets to take care of herself,â Hoseok had told him. You and Jungkook still werenât on speaking terms then, yet he swore to the king that he would take care of you until the end. That stung. If you did come to your end, heâd leave your body on the battlefield without batting an eye. It was such a stupid, selfish thought to have amidst the other miseries in your life, but you couldnât help it. It still hurt. The thought had made you sob in front of the king, and Hoseok had sobbed with you, yet for a different reason. And, of course, Jungkook stayed silent, watching the two of you cry without a single fluctuation of emotion on his face.
The days seemed to drag on and dash past at the same time. It all felt the same to you, anyway. You lost yourself in the world of the past, spending most of your days daydreaming about your time with Hajin in the Training Corpsâthings were so much simpler then. It made you feel like she was still aliveâas if she was in the other room, and she would barge into your chambers any minute now demanding that you snacked on deviled eggs with her. During nighttime, you often played through the battle that had led to her death. You found yourself analyzing every strategy, every soldier placement, every blade of trampled-over grass on the field. But thoughts like these were always the worst, for there were so many preventative measures youâd neglectfully forgone. You fell asleep every night with a pillow soaked with your tears.
You missed Hajinâs bubbly laugh, her endless words, and especially how sheâd always grasp your hands in excitement. Sometimes, you stood outside her closed chamber doors, your hand hovering over the doorknob. But you could never let yourself in. Hajinâs lady-in-waiting often found you passed out in front of her door. She would kindly wake you, and send you back to your chambers with a warm cup of tea and honey.
Then there were the fleeting thoughts of Jungkook. They came in jumbled, confused bursts where you couldnât figure out if you hated him, felt sorry that you yelled at him and accused him of never caring for Hajin, or still felt angry that heâd left you stranded on the battlefield and alone in your chambers when you needed him most. There was a part of you that condemned yourself for being so childish, for everything Jungkook had said that day the two of you fought had been completely rationalâas per military guidelines. In fact, you had been the one who had lashed out at him, had questioned his friendship, had accused him of hurtful things. In a way, his eagerness to continue to fight the Solarians might be to reconcile Hajinâs death. Perhaps this was his method of honoring her legacyâto allow her death to fuel his desire to win the war so much so that even though she was no longer here, she would become a hero. He was resilient in ways you only wished you were. But then there were moments when you couldnât stand the thought of him. He still left you out on the battlefield to fend for yourself. And he left you again in your chambers. He hasnât come back since.
But whatever your feelings toward Jungkook were at the moment, you still missed him. Perhaps that was what unconditional love was. It scared you that he might not feel the same. And it killed you to even have to doubt.
Before you knew it, your birthday passed. There was no celebration. The age of 23 felt like a curseâonly because Hajin never experienced it and never would. By the time Circa Alexandrite came around, you were so far deep into mourning Hajinâs death and having been off-duty, that you grew winded after climbing a flight of stairs.Â
You thought yourself pathetic most times. How was it that the world continued to move on, but you were stuck in the past? It had been circas since Hajin had passed, but why were you in the same place as you were before? You were a fucking coward, thatâs what you were. General Son once told you that fear could fuel you to do extraordinary things, but there was nothing extraordinary about you being bedridden with pain that resided in your heart and nowhere else. You were letting down his legacy. Letting down Hajinâs legacy too. For fuckâs sake, you deserved the condemnation of the public for being such a weak leader.
You wondered what your soldiers thought about you. Did they think you fled? Ran away at the first sight of mass disapproval? They wouldnât be wrong. You wondered how the Darlaeans were faring in the war. You trusted Jungkook to lead when youâd failed to, and you trusted that heâd do it well. And even though he had refused to bring her body back to the 1st city, he had done more with the result of her death than anyone else. You couldnât argue with that.
But heâd still left you⌠Twice. And he hasnât even bothered to talk to you since. Though to be fair, you hadnât attempted to contact him either. But how can you? The last time you saw him, youâd screamed at him until he left the room. It was shame that stopped you from mending your relationshipâwherever it was.Â
As more weeks went by, you attempted to ease yourself back into your work. You would open up one of your leather-bound journals, pick up a quill, and try to brainstorm a new charm for your soldiers to use in battle. You would try to sketch battle plans. You even tried to mask new gowns for yourself. And sometimes, you got work done. But then, you would break down crying and sobbing. Your gowns would unmask into arbitrary pieces of fabric. Your battle plans would be reduced to ugly ink splotches from your tears. No matter what you did, you couldnât escape the fact that Hajin was gone.
It felt pointless sometimes. You didnât know what to make of yourself. The inspiration youâd felt when you were younger and in the Training Corpsâit was nowhere to be found. After a while, when the spring rains dried up and the sun seemed to be out eternally, you felt numb. You didnât feel much pain in your heart anymore, only a deep, hollow feeling in your gut. You would cry less often now, but that didnât mean you were all that healed.Â
The weather in late Circa Ruby was sweltering and unforgiving. But there came an instance when it rained for a couple of days straight, which was quite unusual at that time of year. The gloominess of the weather reopened the wounds in your heart. You sobbed with the sky.Â
The next day, when the storm clouds went away, you visited Hajinâs grave. The ground was muddy from last nightâs rain, but you didnât care. You were hunched over, shoulders shaking as you cried.Â
âHey.â
You jumped, not having realized you werenât alone. You could recognize his voice anywhere, despite not having heard it in circas. Your heart ached. Because above all the hatred, the regret, the grief, you were sorry. And you missed him.
He wasnât in uniform, though the uncharacteristic blood under his fingertips told you that he mustâve taken the first carriage to the 12th city after a battle. You felt a deep pang in your chest. Heâd been filling in for you in a role that youâd neglected for nearly four circas now. You couldnât bear to look at his face. Without another word, he handed you a neatly folded-up handkerchief. You hesitated, though you donât know why, and took it. In his other hand, he held a bouquet of white flowers.Â
You wiped your incessant tears with his handkerchief until it ceased to absorb any more water. Jungkook quietly took the handkerchief from you, replacing it with the beautifully wrapped flowers. With shaky hands, you carefully placed them in front of Hajinâs tombstone. She wouldâve hated them, for she was never quite acquired an affinity for flowers, but she would have approved of the thought behind them.
Jungkook sank to his knees beside you. You could feel his gaze on you, apologetic and kind.Â
Iâm sorry, he tapped on his trinket. I shouldâve visited both of you earlierâŚÂ
Your fingers trembled as they tapped back. Itâs okay. I understand. You didnât have the heart to tell him that you were sorry too. That he was so busy because of you.Â
He placed a gentle hand on your back. His touch spread warmth all around your body. You couldnât help but lean closer to him. He seemed to notice and offered you his shoulder. You took it.Â
It felt so natural, being with him again, almost as if the two of you hadnât fought at all. Your thoughts about him, which had left you perplexed before, were all too clear now. While you grieved under the safety of your covers, he grieved by forcing himself to work harderâby picking up othersâ slack. You couldnât fault him for being unable to cry. He didnât have to, to show that he was grieving. It was apparent in his dulled skin, his slightly red eyes from the lack of sleep, and his disheveled state. You could see it now. He left you that day to sob in your chambers because he didnât want you to see him break down too. Because heâs always liked being strong. He had to be to climb his way up to where he was now.
Hey, he tapped.
âHm?â
âIâll never leave you again,â he whispered. Even if Iâm bloodied and broken and losing a damn battle. Iâll stay by your side. âI promise.â
The ability to form coherent sentences melted away, along with your heart. You finally turned to look him in the eyes, fresh tears rolling down your cheeks. He reached out to tenderly wipe them away with the pad of his thumb. He looked so beautiful, even though his eyebrows were twisted, and his own eyes were filled with sorrow. His expression made you cry harder, and you flung your body at him, arms wrapping around his neck. His hand instinctively reached up to support your head as he noticeably relaxed in your embrace.
He was so warm. So, so warm. Not even the summer sun could provide you with this much warmth.Â
Thank you, you tapped on his back. And Iâm sorry. Iâm so sorry.
Donât be, he answered.Â
Iâll go back, you offered. And you meant it. You did. If he spent circas guarding the nation despite insurmountable grief, you had to do it too. For Hajin. She wouldâve wanted you to continue your jobâto end the war once and for all.
Good, he responded. Your soldiers have missed you.
With Jungkookâs love and support, you picked up training in the 1st city again, though slowly as the muscles in your body had hardened from their lack of use and your reflexes had dulled from the hours you spent inert under your bed covers. Your soldiers all believed you had been ill for circas, which was a lie that Jungkook told to save your reputation in the military. But it also wasnât too far from the truth. Youâd been bedridden, after all, though most of the pain had manifested in your heart rather than your body. You werenât to go to battle until you were fully healedâwherein âhealedâ was entirely up to Jungkookâs discretion. He didnât want you fighting in any battles until you were fighting with the caliber you once hadâbefore Hajinâs death.
Despite the fact that you had abandoned them, your soldiers welcomed you with open arms. They understood what illness could do to the body; plenty of them had spent weeks in the infirmary time and time again, their fresh wounds becoming new battle scars. Except your scars werenât physical. They were mental. You hoped they wouldnât notice.
âWe were so worried, Y/N,â Taehyung said. âMy sister asked for you so many times, and I had to tell her that I wasnât sure if you were doing all right.â
âYes,â Seokjin agreed. âIt mustâve been a nasty illness, sir,â he said, always one to insist on using honorifics. âWeâre glad to have you back.â
You let yourself smile. âAnd Iâm glad to be back,â you said. You realized you never got to properly thank Taehyung for helping you on the battlefield that day, carrying Hajinâs body back to safety, so you extended your gratitude to him right then and there. It was difficult not to get choked up at the recollection, but the two soldiers didnât seem to notice your inner turmoil.
Taehyung was sheepish. âJust doing my duty.â
âDuty or not it was kind,â you said. âIâll never forget it, Taehyung. Truly.â
You missed having these small conversations with your soldiers. You missed visiting them in the infirmary, eating lunch with them out in the fields and visiting the barracks to check in occasionally. All of this reminded you of the mountain of duties you siphoned off Jungkookâs way when you gave up after Hajinâs passing. How many of the simple rituals you held with your soldiers did he emulate? Did he emulate them at all? You wondered what he was like, briefly running the army in your stead. Did he feel in his element? Did he perhaps feel as though youâd robbed him of this desirable position? You hated that the last thought even came to you. Jungkook was your boyfriend, your lover, your dear soulmate. He would never think that of you. He stepped in because he had to, not because he was eager to try a hand at a role that he believed was his right.Â
Nobody mentioned what it was like to be under Jungkookâs command. Perhaps they were afraid you would take offense to it. And perhaps you wouldâjust a little bitâif his command was preferred by your soldiers. It would make you feel like you stole this position from him, that you somehow tricked General Son into handing you a position you didnât deserve. The numbers told the truth, however. Whether your soldiers preferred his command didnât matter much when the sheer number of battles he won in six circas well surpassed the number you could achieve in the same allotted time. There were more casualties, however. The infirmary logs were at least three times as long. This reminded you of the training exercise you did with him years backâback when you and he were still under General Sonâs tutelage. Back when General Son was alive. What was it that Jungkook said? Optimal in a war means victory. And it will always mean victory. So of course heâd approve of new, violent charms and even more vicious propaganda. You didnât agree with these choices, but these kinds of things were difficult to undo once deployed. Perhaps Jungkook knew that when he authorized themâthat you wouldnât be able to reverse their approval or their effects. You liked to think that he wasnât aware of the consequences. That he only approved of these things hastily to lead an optimal army, using the definition of optimal he had built in his head.
And now, now it felt like the army almost wasnât yours anymore. It was a horrible feeling. By all means, you werenât angry at Jungkook for these changes. He did what he had to do. You were the one who abandoned your duties; he had only stepped in. He did you a favor. But that didnât change the fact that you no longer felt in controlânot that you desired control in the first place. Still, youâd built up the army, using the foundations that General Son had generously left you with, with your flesh, blood and tears. You didnât condone ruthlessness, even if it was necessary. It might be considered a flaw in the history books, but it was also who you were.Â
Jungkook, on the other hand, was truly the very definition of ruthlessness. It was hard to imagine him as such when he was always so loving and caring towards you, but sometimes, when you saw him fight, when you saw him speak of the Solarians, you caught glimpses of mercilessness, sometimes bordering on cruelty. The more you observed your boyfriend in his military element, the more you realized how much heâd hardened. But perhaps he was always like this. He had always been driven and goal-oriented; he was also one to agree that the ends justified the means, no matter how cruel the means were. So, perhaps it shouldnât have surprised you to see how he demanded and ordered his soldiers aboutâhow he even treated the people he grew up with, like Seokjin and Taehyung. He commanded with an iron first, with an aura so mighty that you felt as if it surpassed your authority at times. He never overstepped in your presence, however. Jungkook would never do that. He respected you and loved you and was looking out for you during your recovery journey.Â
Yet the six circas you were away had changed him and your army. He would walk into a room and soldiers would stop chattering. He would stride across a field and soldiers would salute him. He had soldiers salute him before they spoke and wait for his dismissal to leave. It was all so formalâeven more so than the army that General Son ran. But you couldnât blame Jungkook. You never could. Perhaps this was how he coped with Hajinâs death. Perhaps he wanted complete and utter control to handle the uncontrollable need to mourn. Perhaps when you had suddenly given up, and he was suddenly tossed into your position, he had no choice but to prove himself to your confused soldiersâdemanding compliance in case they didnât respect him as much as you. Or perhaps he simply worked better in a different environment than you. You couldnât be angry at him for that.
Jungkook was so patient with you. From time to time, you had your moments, when the grief suddenly became unbearable. When those times came, he would usher you into your office, lock the door, and hold you as you cried. Sometimes, it was as if he knew these moments were coming. Sometimes, heâd already be waiting for you in your private quarters with a delicious duck roast and warm mushroom stew, ready to soothe your mind over with a hearty meal. While you may have your differences with him as your lieutenant general, he was the perfect boyfriend.Â
And so with love and support, you continued your recovery journey in the 1st city. To pass the time outside of your grueling physical trainingâit felt like you were back in the Training Corps againâyou reviewed your favorite strategy books and reread General Sonâs documents, determined to at least create infallible battle plans when you couldnât contribute to the field. Â
On Hajinâs birthdayâshe wouldâve turned 23âJungkook took you back to the 12th city. The two of you spent some time with the king, who welcomed you and him with open arms. He wasnât looking any better.
After dinner, Jungkook told you to meet him in the orchard, so you did. It was a warm night, as nights often were in Circa Ruby, so you were wearing a thin gownâthe silver one that made you sparkle like the moon, as Jungkook said. You sat on the grass, staring up at the sky, trying not to think, for if you did, you might start sobbing. You tried to drown your mind in the darkness of the horizonâthat was until you saw light in your peripheral vision.
When you turned your head, you saw Jungkook holding a silver birdcage. Inside, was the most magnificent animal you had ever seen in your life. His beak was shiny and dark like the midnight sky and his plumage blazed with the eternal flame of a thousand suns. His onyx eyes carried depths of wisdom and glinted as they flitted towards you. He seemed to be smiling at you. âRecognize me?â
âJungkookâŚâ you breathed. âHowâŚ?â
âThink of it as your rather late birthday gift,â he answered with a soft smile.Â
âI thought they killed him,â you said, immediately reaching for the latch on the cage and swinging the door open. âEven after all that begging, I thought they had every reason to kill him. Enyx⌠I thought you were goneâ
The phoenix flew out, ruffling his feathers as he perched on your shoulder. âIt takes a lot to kill me, you know,â he seemed to say.
You laughed. âIâm glad.â
âThey only kept him frozen,â Jungkook said. âBut I donât think any royal butcher in their right mind would go against the wishes of the princessâ best friend.â
The mention of Hajin made your heartache and your face fall. The phoenix noticed, and he used his clawed foot to drum gently on your shoulder. âItâs okay, child,â he seemed to say in his infinite wisdom. âIâm here now.â
You reached up to ruffle his feathers. âThank you,â you saidâto both the bird and Jungkook. There were tears in your eyes. It was always difficult to think of the past without thinking of Hajin. Jungkook caught your falling tears with his sleeve.
âDonât cry,â he said sweetly. He was different around you, not the ruthless lieutenant general your soldiers couldnât help but fear just a little bit. He was perfect to you. A lifeline of some sort.
âI⌠I canât help it,â you whispered. âThe tears just keep coming⌠I donât⌠I just⌠Thereâs just so much sadnessâI donât know how else to express it, and it just⌠Itâs been circas. But sometimes, it feels like it happened just yesterday.â
âI knowâŚâ Jungkook said. He held your hand. âBut youâve been doing so well. In another circa, you should be ready to go on the battlefield again. In another circa, youâll be able to punish the Solarians for what they did to Hajin.â
You nodded. âIn another circaâŚâ you echoed.
You wanted it to come as much as you wanted it to never.Â
⨰ previous | series m.list | next
⨰ a/n: sorry for being a week late :') unsure when the next update will be. hopefully late novemeber but i can't make promises this time :( hope you enjoyed this chapter though! flashback sequence ends veryyyy soon :0
please consider telling me your thoughts with a comment, an ask or a reblog :) i love hearing readers' impressions/rambles/predictions! if you want to join the taglist, send in a private message, ask, reply to this post or reblog with your request!
Summary:Â Namjoon is on holiday with his girlfriend - and without Namjoon, all hell breaks loose.
Pairing:Â OT7 x OCÂ (different OCs)
Genre: Humour, fluff, angst, smut, chaos
Word count:Â 20 fkn K (idk how I did it)
Rating:Â 18+
Warnings:Â language, making out, oral sex, sex, dirty talk, masturbation
A/N:Â I have no words because way too much happens in this fic and I am exhausted. Starts right from the end of A Rainy Day. Highly, highly recommend reading Part 1 first - this story will make almost zero sense without it.
Tagging: @bbl32@quarter-life-crisis2@dreaming-with-happiness@faearchives@margopinkerton@purpleseoul7@confessionsofamarshlily @jiminjhang @xjoonchildx @tarahardcore @infinitehobi @handfullofcandids @whoisbts @kflixnet (drop a message if you want to be added)
Listen to:Â âbittersweet symphony" by the verve
teaser | part 1 | main masterlist
On a warm summer afternoon, a young girl walked home alone. The pavement under her feet was rough, poking the soles of her feet through the thin flip flops. She brushed her fingers absently against the picket fences on her way, unaware - or simply uncaring - of the beautiful day it was; the green gardens; the picturesque street of her childhood; the bees hovering lazily over colourful flowers.Â
Perhaps she wasnât at the age where she understood the beauty in the simple things. Or perhaps she was distracted, and somewhat sad, that she was walking home alone on such a beautiful day. It was, after all, her birthday.
When she reached home, her mother was sifting through mail at the dining table. The birthday cake she knew she would cut later this evening sat on the kitchen counter in a pink cardboard box, and she could see her name through the transparent top, written in chocolate icing.
Her mother noticed. âYouâll just have to wait till this evening,â she sang, wiggling her eyebrows in exaggeration.
She responded with half a smile; maybe her mother hadnât realised, but she was fourteen today, much past the age where her birthday cake was the highlight of the day. Still, she was grateful her mother was trying, that she was here - unlike everyone else.
âAnything for me?â she asked hopefully.Â
âAs a matter of fact,â said her mother, pushing a small pile of differently coloured envelopes towards her, âthere is.â
For the first time this afternoon, she felt excited. Reaching for the pile, she scooped them into one hand and hopped off her chair, immediately running upstairs to her bedroom and shutting the door behind her.
If her friends were not in town for her birthday, at least they might have wished her from afar. She had received a couple of e-cards: brightly coloured animations that opened in another window of Internet Explorer, slowing down the internet connection in her entire house.
But this whole year, all the cool kids in school had gotten into the fad of writing letters. It probably had something to do with the new drama that had come out last year, set in the nineties where the characters made it through the entire plot mostly through letters across the country.
Naturally, everybody had become inspired, finding emails and text messages too bourgeois, and opting to write letters to each other even if they lived in the same block.Â
She understood it. There was something extremely satisfying about folding the sheet of paper, placing it in a crisp white envelope, sticking a stamp on it and depositing it in a mailbox, watching it disappear into the abyss and waiting for the day your friendâs response arrived in the mail.
Now, she fell onto her stomach on the bed and picked the first one to read. Everybody wished her a happy birthday, talked about their spring vacation, missed home and gushed about meeting once the semester resumed. Each letter was like a little wave from a different part of the country; subconsciously, one letter kept getting set aside until it was the only letter left, the last pastel blue envelope with her name in a familiar scrawl.
Hey birthday girl,
I hope youâre not too lonely without me (and all your other friends, but mostly me). You know I wish I couldâve been there to smear your face with cake and watch you get all dramatic about it but since I canât, Iâm just going to picture it and laugh my ass off (LMAO).
Busan is nice but itâs so hot! My favourite cousin didnât come this time so Iâm stuck with her two little brothers who spend all their time playing with sticks they found in the garden and pretending theyâre swords. I wish I could join them but itâs honestly been way too long since something like that sounded fun.
Speaking of which, did you like your birthday present?? I totally wanted to see your face when you opened it! But when my parents told me I wouldnât be there, I gave it to your mom that morning you got late for school and asked her to give it to you.
(And here I hope youâre reading this AFTER she gave you the present, otherwise the surprise is ruined LOL)
Anyway, I know we were supposed to go out on your birthday so I promise we will when Iâm back⌠but it wonât be your actual birthday so Iâll DEFINITELY make it up to you next year. Or if that seems too far away, we can celebrate your half-birthday - whichever sounds better. Maybe all three (although I hope not because Iâll probably run out of pocket money by then).
Hope you have a great day and you BETTER write back. Splotch some icing on your face from me.
- Your favourite person on Earth (you KNOW I am)
She read it three times, giggling quietly and wishing he were here so she could flick his forehead every time he cracked a lame joke. Her cake and future present forgotten, she clambered off the bed with the letter and sat at her desk. Reaching for the light pink stationery set her aunt had gifted her this morning, she tucked her hair behind her ear and began writing her reply.
â
The rain is pouring with a vengeance now, and Jimin blinks it out of his eyes as he hurries into the hotel managerâs office. His hair is wet and the AC blows a gust of freezing air through it, making him shiver.
âSir,â he begins, then stops. The manager turns around and Jimin blinks. âUm⌠Mr Moon?â
âOh - he is busy with another client,â says the manager. âIâm Mr Jang - Jang Jiyeong - at your service. The deputy manager.â He reaches forward to offer a hand that Jimin takes, confused.
âBut I just spoke to Mr Moon on the phone - Iâm his client,â he says, a bit hassled now. âI called him an hour ago about booking the gazebo for the night and he assured me it was free - and dry. And now I canât get ahold of him.â
âIâm sorry - let me see what I can do,â mutters Mr Jang, dialing a number and looking up at the ceiling as the phone rings. Jimin stares at him for a minute until he puts the phone down. âApologies, MrâŚâ
âPark. Park Jimin.â
âMr Park Jimin, yes - you see, I canât -â He stops abruptly and his eyes go wide. âPark Jimin, the idol? My daughter loves you! Would you sign an autograph for her?â he asks, eyes shining excitedly.
âI will come to her in person and thank her for being a fan,â says Jimin deliberately, hearing his own voice shake, âIf you can please help me get in touch with Mr Moon.â
âAh, yes, Mr Moon. I apologise,â he says quickly, apparently remembering himself. âIâm sorry, sir, I couldnât reach him. But Iâm sure itâs just because of signal issues. In fact, if you wait right here, Iâm sure heâll -â
Heâs interrupted by the door slamming open and Mr Moon stumbling in with a wet umbrella. âOh, Mr Park, youâre here,â he says, sounding relieved. âSir, Iâm sorry to tell you but weâve run into a slight problem. You see -â
A loud clap of thunder makes them all jump and is on cue, the lights fizzle out and the office is plunged into darkness.
â- we seem to have lost power.â
â
âOkay - what? Wait, slow down.â Taehyung winces at Jiminâs incensed shouts on the phone. He looks up to see Jungkook approaching, pushing his sweaty bangs back with a headband and taking a seat at the lateral pulldown machine. He raises his eyebrows and Taehyung puts the call on the speaker. âSo - okay, so where are you now?â
âIâm driving down from that stupid hotel back down to Gangnam!â he answers, sounding livid. âApparently half the city has lost power including a damn five star hotel - so I thought I could try the astronomy museum across from the office,â he adds sullenly.
Jungkook frowns, wrinkling his nose. âThe one we all went to after we debuted?â
âYes, well, I donât have a lot of options,â sniffs Jimin, followed by the sound of water splashing. âBut it had that auditorium where you lie on the ground and they display the history of the universe or whatever. I figured fake stars are the best I can do tonight,â he grumbles.
Taehyung raises his eyebrows, sensing that telling his friend that Sooah will like whatever he does would be unhelpful at this time. âThereâs that Japanese place next door to it, too, if you want to pick up food from there.â
âYeah, thatâs probably what Iâll do because the caterer that I booked today has gotten stuck in the rain because their car broke down. All I have is a single bottle of champagne that wasnât even my first choice, my hair is wet and not in a sexy way, and now the gourmet meal Iâd planned is going to be replaced by takeout sushi! This is the worst birthday ever!â
âDoesnât Namjoon hyung have a liquor cabinet in his studio? He might have a bottle of champagne you can borrow.â
âYes, he does, and I called him to ask for the password to his studio but he didnât answer.â Thereâs the sound of a screeching horn, followed by Jimin swearing under his breath.
Taehyung and Jungkook look at each other, both lost for words. âHey, uh, Jimin hyung,â says Jungkook slowly, looking up at Taehyung for approval, who nods at him to go on. âListen⌠we wonât keep you, but let us know if you need any help, okay?â
âMy socks are drenched!â With that, Jimin hangs up.
âWow.â Taehyung places his phone on his hand towel, folded neatly by his water bottle. âThis is the most stressed heâs ever been in⌠like, years?â
âSince that outdoor taping of Filter, where the wind kept blowing the hat off his head mid-routine,â remembers Jungkook, and they snicker. âIâm glad Iâm not out there right now. Although the rain does look kind of nice from here,â he comments, pointing to the window by the treadmills.
âI take it you did cancel your date finally?â Taehyung asks, stretching his triceps over his head. He hadnât intended on doing much at the gym except for giving Jungkook some company, but Jungkook had been so excited about teaching him this new exercise his trainer had taught him that Taehyung had gone along with it and surprisingly enjoyed the endorphin rush.
âYeah, I wasnât too keen on it,â he replies dismissively, reaching up for the bar and pulling it down in a smooth motion, face screwing up slightly with the weight.
âReally? Because the first time you saw her - wait, whatâs her name again? Haneul?â
âHana.â
âRight - the first time you saw her when you went to get your first tattoo, you couldnât stop talking about how hot she was,â he recalls. âRemember? You called me when I was at my parentsâ and kept saying youâd just met the woman you were going to marry? And then you corrected yourself and said you probably wouldnât marry her but you could see yourself proposing at least once?â
âOh, man.â Jungkook grimaces, the tip of his ears reddening. âI was a stupid kid.â
âNah, you were cute.â
âStupid,â repeats Jungkook, grunting as he finishes his last rep of the set and lets go of the bar. Taehyung offers him a sip of water, grinning at his embarrassment. âBut sheâs still hot. And sheâs pretty chill, too, but⌠I dunno. Not feeling it today. But Iâll probably catch up with her after Sooahâs birthday lunch tomorrow,â he adds, straightening up and beginning his second set.
âSure, if Jimin hasnât had a nervous breakdown and cancelled the lunch in a fit,â says Taehyung, rolling his eyes. âGod, my arms are going to kill me tomorrow,â he mutters, turning to the wall mirror and stretching his biceps again.
Jungkook flashes him a toothy smile in the mirror. âNo pain, no gain, hyung,â he says wisely.
Taehyung gives him a playful smack on the shoulder and moves towards the mirror, observing his biceps from different angles in the light, wondering if todayâs workout is actually making a difference.
âLooking sexy, hyung,â remarks Jungkook, finishing his second set and standing up.
âI know, right? Câmon, we have to take a picture,â he instructs, waving him over and reaching for his phone. âLetâs commemorate my last gym session for the rest of the month.â
Jungkook chuckles, pushing the sleeve of his t-shirt up to reveal his own biceps. âThe fans will get a kick out of this.â
Taehyung flexes his own and points the phone at the mirror and clicks, then groans. âNo way, your muscles are way too big,â he complains, reaching over and shoving Jungkookâs arm out of the way. âThey make mine look so silly.â
âNuh-uh, your face looks better in the picture -â Jungkook starts to say, trying to force his arms further in focus as Taehyugn tries to push them away. They grapple jokingly until Jungkook pulls him back in a pretend headlock and faces the mirror, his biceps firmly in the centre of attention.Â
Taehyung snorts but has to admit that the pose looks hilarious, so he flexes his own bicep and holds his phone up with the other hand, and both of them grin at the mirror. âPerfect.â
Jungkook laughs and lets go of Taehyung as the latter starts typing a caption. âIs âgym brosâ too predictable?â he asks.
âNah, itâs fine. Wait, are you posting it on Instagram or Weverse?â
âNeither. Iâm sending it to Dilara.â
âOh.â Jungkook pauses, long enough for Taehyung to look up at him. âDo you⌠I mean, you think sheâll be okay with that? Us hanging out?â he adds when Taehyung raises an eyebrow.
Taehyung blinks, then sighs heavily. âAlright, Iâve been meaning to talk to you about this, properly. Look - let it go.â
When he doesnât continue, Jungkook frowns. âLet, uh⌠let what go?â
Taehyung tilts his head and gives him a look, not fooled. âLook, itâs okay. Iâm not mad at you. I get why you did it, alright? Sheâs your friend,â he says simply. âAnd thatâs separate from our relationship. You were a good friend to her when I couldnât be there for her and itâs not fair to assume that that wonât continue just because weâre back together now.â
Jungkookâs eyes, huge and doe-like, seemingly process this information. âSheâs my friend,â he murmurs in agreement, almost as though heâs saying it to himself.
âYes. Sheâs your friend. And as weâve established over the many, many years weâve known each other, that you get protective of your friends,â explains Taehyung. âLike the time that interviewer made fun of Jin hyung, or when that fan was taking pictures under Nayeonâs skirt when she was at the edge of the stage? You stood behind her and accidently kicked the phone out of his hand?â Both of them shudder at the memory.
Jungkookâs eyes flicker to Taehyung and he slowly nods. âSheâs my friend,â he repeats, âand I get protective of my friends. Sheâs my friend,â he says, half-chuckling, sounding almost relieved that Taehyung apparently seems to understand this now.
Taehyung raises his eyebrows at this effusive response but goes along with it. âYeah, she is. So⌠you know. I get it.â
âRight. So⌠so weâre really cool?â Jungkook asks.
His eyes shine hopefully, enough to make Taehyungâs heart break just a little. He places his hands on either side of Jungkookâs face. âYes, you ridiculously muscled kid,â he says seriously, squeezing his face. âNow will you please chill the fuck out about this?âÂ
âEven more so, if itâs possible. In fact, she, uh -â He takes a step back, moving to leave. âShe asked me to ask you if youâve got the sequel to the last Resident Evil⌠Hazardous Waste installment or something on your Playstation. And since I couldnât care less, maybe you could text her yourself and let her know?â
âYeah, this is more than enough exercise for me. Itâs kind of getting in the way of my lying around time,â he points out, grabbing his things and waving.
âAlright. Oh, send me the picture!â Jungkook calls, seeing Taehyungâs thumbs up before he disappears out the glass doors.
â
The auditorium in the astronomy museum is less than ideal but Jimin knows he is fast running out of options. While the museum is almost shutting down for the night, he manages to keep it open for a sum, for a private tour with whom the manager refers to as his âlady friendâ.
Heâs at the gift shop, ruminating over a blanket and some fake champagne flutes, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. Expecting the manager again, he fishes it out and tucks it in between his ear and shoulder.
âHello?â
âJimin?â
Jimin drops the items heâs holding and picks up the phone. âSooah? Hey, I was just going to -â
âJimin, where the hell are you?â she yells, her voice barely audible over the rain. âItâs so dark - how do I even find you?â
âWhat do you -â And suddenly, Jiminâs heart stops, for he does know what she means. This canât have possibly happened, he reasons, his heart pounding and stomach dropping at the same time. Somewhere, in the midst of securing one venue after another, coordinating with various sellers and bitching to his friends while driving in a storm, he has forgotten to inform the birthday girl of the change in plans.
âIâm at the park! Chim!â The sound of the rain is even louder now. âIâm holding the yellow umbrella at the front gate but, babe, itâs pitch black,â she tells him, sounding uncertain. âAre you sure this is even a good idea tonight?â
Jimin falls to the ground, resting on his heels, and presses the ball of his palm to his eyes. This night was already starting to seem unsalvageable, but now it suddenly feels like an all-time disaster.Â
âSooah,â he starts, feeling exhausted and defeated all at once, âlisten, Iâm⌠fuck, I am so sorry.â
âWhat? Chim, I can barely hear you,â comes her voice, slightly muffled through the rain. âListen, the night guard here just told me the park is closed? Can you please come here? Or - or can you come to the Caffetta across the street? The rain is just way too strong here.â
âYes,â he says immediately. âYes, yes - Iâll be right there.â He hangs up and abandons the shopping, heading straight to the parking lot and going to Sooah. This drive feels like a blur; Jimin tries to ignore the disappointment, knowing that if he doesnât rein it in now, heâs bound to start crying and thatâs the absolute last thing Sooah needs after the hideousness thatâs been this night.
He spots the logo of the Caffetta coffee shop as heâs nearing the park, the place where it all began today, and slows down the car. A brand new coffee chain borne out of a coffee brand, with branches all over Seoul, the place looks incredibly cozy and warm from where Jimin is, in the cold and the rain surrounded by dim streetlights and nothing else. He hurries inside, no longer caring if he gets wet in the process.
Sooah is in a cushy armchair, finger combing her hair when she looks up and spots him and, in what is probably the only highlight of Jiminâs day so far, she beams at him.
âHey, I was starting to get worried,â she says as she walks up to him, immediately moving to hug him. He hugs her back, feeling his face start to morph as the urge to cry in anger starts to take over, until he takes a deep breath to force it away.Â
She squeezes his shoulders before stepping away. âWhat happened? You sounded really stressed over the phone,â she says, taking him by the hand to the table she was sitting at.Â
Jimin sinks into the chair next to her and sighs, wondering where to begin. He looks around briefly; itâs a pretty cafĂŠ, full of warm brown and yellow toned furniture, beanbag chairs and a corner booth - but itâs also almost empty. Aside from one table with a man and woman who look to be in their forties, and one younger man with headphones around his neck and a laptop in front of him, Sooah is the only other patron.Â
He turns back to look at her, eyes roaming over her damp hair. Her sweater had clearly gotten wet; sheâs taken it off and draped it across the back of her chair, left only in a thin full-sleeved shirt and jeans.
âI tried toâŚâ He trails off, shaking his head. âI tried. I really did. I wanted to give you an amazing birthday, booking out the park and getting gourmet catering and falling asleep under the stars, butâŚâ He rubs his eyes. âEverything got so fucked up.â
Sooah frowns slightly but it disappears, being replaced by a growing smile. âThat actually sounds amazing.â
âYeah, I knew you would love it!â he exclaims, feeling even worse now. âAnd then it started raining so I tried to move it and then I tried to book a hotel - but then the stupid power went out everywhere and the food never arrived,â he lists, âand all I had left was the champagne⌠which I now realise I left at the museum.â He swears and drops his head into his hands.
âOh, my God.â Sooah is silent for a moment before moving, and he feels her soft hands on his. âJimin. All I want for my birthday is to be with you. Anything you do will be lovely - Iâll love it no matter what.â
âItâs your first birthday since we got back together,â he says in a small voice, sniffing and looking up. âWeâre always on-and-off and I donât want this time to be like all the other times. Starting with this.â
She bites her lip, and Jimin is somewhat glad to see how affectionate she looks. âGod, you really still are the sweetest guy Iâve ever known,â she murmurs, brushing back a stray lock of hair. âAnd you look cold. It means everything that you tried, baby, but I promise - I donât care about that stuff.â
Jimin gives her a look. âThatâs just not true. You⌠youâre - â He struggles for the words, then gives up. âYouâre Kim Sooah!â
She frowns, bewildered. âWhat is that supposed to mean?â
âYou love grand gestures! All the way from that chocolate-based treasure hunt in high school. And you just said the park thing sounded amazing.â
âOkay, yes, I wouldâve loved that,â she admits, a little sheepishly. âI wouldâve been blown away. But not at the expense of your evening. Chim, no grand gesture is worth you taking this much stress over it. And that part is true.â
Despite how much of a bust this evening has been, Jimin finally cracks a smile. âI promise lunch tomorrow will be better.â
âA simple restaurant, as long as itâs just you and me.â
âYup,â he confirms, straight faced. âTotally.â
She pokes his forehead teasingly before kissing him. âOh, wait. What was your original plan at the park, anyway? Like a picnic?â
Jimin shakes his head. âIt was going to be a movie screening, just for us. Delicious food, champagne, a couch, the night sky above us⌠It wouldâve been pretty spectacular. But honestly, Iâm just tired now. Not to mention freezing.â
âIâm glad you said that because you know what? So am I.â Sooah stands up and heads towards the front of the shop and begins to order something.
Jimin jumps to his feet. âAbsolutely not,â he says firmly, hurrying over and sliding in between her and the counter, before turning around to face her. âYou are not going to pick up the tab on your birthday, too. Not unless you want me to kill myself.â
âDramatic much?â she asks, making a face but moving away anyway. âFine, a hot chocolate for me andâŚâ She cranes her neck to read the menu. âAnd a hotdog. Iâll get us a better table,â she adds as he waves her away, brandishing his wallet in the air.
When Jimin returns with the food, itâs to see Sooah at a table in the back of the cafe, this time on a plush couch right by the window. She reaches eagerly for the hot chocolate, even before heâs set the tray down. He doesnât go for the food, though; instead, he sits back on the couch next to her and sighs. The streets outside are dark, with the rain blurring every shape in the city and only the glow of streetlights piercing through the storm, like little charms. Now that his hair is drying, the view actually looks pretty.
âYou okay?â
âYou know, in a really twisted way, Iâm glad the whole thing got ruined to the point where I just canât salvage it, no matter what.â He gives her an apologetic look. âI mean, I wish it had worked out, but⌠God, this is the first time all day that Iâve finally relaxed.â
Sooah snickers, reaching over and kissing him on the cheek. âI was just thinking, though - maybe itâs not a total bust,â she points out, unlocking her phone and getting ready to type. âWhat was the movie?â
âGuess.â
âI dunno. Star Wars?â
âYou -â He gasps, affronted. âYou think my romantic evening was going to be with Star Wars? Damn, Sooah, I thought you got me. It was going to be Grease.â
âBest movie of all time,â she agrees excitedly, typing it in. âAnd my favourite. And what do you know?â She turns the phone screen towards him. âItâs on Netflix.â
âConvenient,â he says, nodding. âBut this wasnât really how Iâd pictured -â
âThings very rarely happen the way we picture it, Chim,â she says wisely. âBut, as Chaeyoung told me that one day my face broke out right before a work event and I was out of concealer, we just have to make the best of it,â she says, placing her phone against the cute little tissue dispenser on the table so it faces them. âAnd I didnât believe it would work either,â she adds, handing him one of her Airpods, âuntil she helped me discover the beauty of simply being who you are.â
âWow.â Jimin raises his eyebrows. âReally?â
âYes. That and BB cream.â
He nods, feeling so lucky in this moment that he feels sorry for every other individual out there who doesnât have someone like Sooah. Taking the Airpod and tucking it into his ear, he picks up his own hot chocolate as she starts the movie. Maybe a movie on a big screen under the stars with gourmet food and champagne simply wasnât in the cards tonight. Maybe this, shared earbuds and cuddling on a couch with hotdogs and hot chocolate, while the rain poured outside, was their BB cream.
âOh, hang on.â He stands up and places his hot chocolate on the table. âI forgot something; Iâll be right back.â He jogs out of the cafe and runs to the car, wincing at the rain again. Determined to make at least one thing go according to plan tonight, he throws open the passenger door and retrieves the Gucci hoodie.
â
When their car almost hits a pothole, the jerk from swerving out of its way makes Yoongi feel like his stomach is falling out his back.
âOh, my God, will you please drive in a straight line?âÂ
Yoongi grits his teeth and exhales sharply out of his nose, barely hanging on to his last shred of patience. âHey, you know what? If you think you can do a better job, you drive next time.â
âOh, really? Do you think youâll actually let me in the driversâ seat of your precious Range Rover next time?â Miso snaps, but it lacks its usual bite.
Yoongi chances a glance at Miso, looking away from the chaotic windshield for a moment. Her back is pressed to the passenger seat and her hands grip the edges, knuckles white. Her pale face looks a bit green but when another flash of lightning occurs, her entire face comes into view for a fraction of a second.
âEyes on the road, Min Suga!â
âI canât see anything!â Yoongi exclaims, turning back to the road and clicking his tongue in frustration. âThere are too many trees and the damn leaves are flying everywhere! Fuck!â He swears, hitting the steering wheel. âOne thing canât go right today!â
âOh, God,â mutters Miso. âNot this again.â
âWhy the fuck not?â Yoongi demands. âI had been preparing for this meeting for weeks! Do you have any idea how many presentations and budgeting meetings I sat through with the management? Preparing demo after demo, just for you to get all prissy in there and ruin it?â
âPrissy? I was defending you, you prick!â she retorts. He can see her shift slightly to orient herself towards him, probably so she can yell at him more easily. âThat guy was treating you like dirt, acting like you were some silly singer who didnât know jack shit about business!â
âSo what? Heâs an arsehole - everybody knows it!â he argues, maneuvering through a blind turn on the highway. âBut we need his money! We needed this investment because my - a lot of things depend on this! And now -â He huffs and breaks off, shaking his head and trying to focus on the treacherous road.
âYou were really okay being spoken to like that? I donât believe it,â she states. âYou have way too much pride for that - and I canât believe youâre getting mad at me for standing up for you.â
âI appreciate the sentiment, but you didnât just stand up for me - you insulted him to his face!â Yoongi scoffs, more out of frustration than anything. âItâs not about pride, Miso. Nothing comes for free, so if him making his little digs was going to ensure he gives us what we want, itâs fine!â
âWhat we want - you mean his money? He insulted your whole career - arenât you the one who always says that music is the soul of this company?â She reminds him. âThat thatâs why you feel so protective over it, because you built it or whatever?â
âI - thatâs still true,â he admits, reeling a bit at the realisation that she remembers a conversation from ages ago. âMusic may be the soul of the company but it still needs cash to run. You probably donât value it as much because youâve always got it so easy, but some of us have to take shit -â
âOh, here we go,â she interrupts loudly, and he can hear her rolling her eyes. âObviously I canât make it through one investor meeting because I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Because I eat gold and burn money for fun. Is that it?â
âYour words, not mine.â
âJesus. You talk big about taking shit to make a company run - is that why youâre still agonising over a fucking collaboration because youâre afraid it will hurt Namjoonâs feelings? Even though itâs sure to top the sales of any solo this company has ever put out?â
Yoongi grips the steering wheel so hard it makes his forearms hurt. âThat is a completely different thing. Iâm not okay with betraying someone Iâve worked with for so long - someone I lived with for over a decade for a project.â
âWhy not?â she argues. âHow is it different? Heâs in the business, too, isnât he? Heâs a smart guy - he probably knows itâs okay to take a couple of digs if it means getting what you want.â
âYouâre impossible,â he mutters, finally approaching the end of the highway, Seoul now almost within view. âFucking hell, the road is flooded.â
âShit.â Miso sighs. âAre you sure your car has enough ground clearance?â
âOnly one way to find out.â He pushes on, the wiper blades working over time. âDamn it, how did it get so late?â
âMaybe you took one too many digs on a rainy day.â
âGod, will you shut up for two seconds?â
âSure, probably around the same time you grow a spine. You know, you can give me a little credit,â she continues, cutting Yoongi off just as he turns to her furiously. âI was sent here with you for a reason. You may know a lot more than me about music but this is more than just artistry - itâs a business. And as the only person in this car with a business degree, I think I can -â
âOh, for fuckâs sake! You think you were sent for this meeting because of your degree?â he retorts. âYou were sent because you're Kangâs Jaesungâs daughter, another billionaire who invested in the company! They hoped that guy would see you, find out who your father is, and see him as a viable example to invest! Thatâs why you were sent here - youâre a proof of concept!â
Thereâs silence in the car, the rain sounding loud and like a hundred gunshots on the roof of the car. Yoongi breathes heavily, grimly satisfied at finally having shut her up - not least because the road ahead looks chaotic as hell.
âWhat the -â
Thereâs the faint sound of honking in the distance, followed by two cars driving by them in the opposite direction and spraying a wall of water on his car as they do. Yoongi wants to wonder out loud but he stops himself, deciding thereâs no way to go but forward.
At that moment, his phone rings and he answers out of habit, ignoring Misoâs quiet scoff. âHello?â
Seokjinâs voice emanates out of the speaker. âYoongi!â he exclaims, voice sounding urgent. âListen - have you ever seen the resting rooms on the top floor of the company building?â
Yoongi swerves a bit, trying to avoid branches and leaves on the ground that have turned to mulch. Next to him, Miso straightens up, her eyes up ahead on the road. âShit,â she mutters.
âWhat?â
âThe resting rooms on the top floor,â says Seokjin, apparently thinking Yoongiâs question was intended for him. âHave you seen them? What are they like?â
âOh⌠that. The ones for the idols?â Yoongi asks absently, starting to spot some kind of commotion up ahead - but the rain is making it too blurry. âTheyâre fine, I guess. Iâve crashed there a couple times after all-nighters.â
âReally?â
But Yoongi hardly hears him, for his headlights donât shine on the tree trunk blocking the road until heâs only a few feet away from it.
âYoongi - thatâs a tree!âÂ
âFuck!â
Misoâs hands appear out of nowhere and turn the wheel with surprising strength, just edging the car out of the trunkâs way. Yoongiâs foot hits the brake automatically and the car screeches to a painful stop.
Yoongi turns the car off, his heart thumping madly. Misoâs hands disappear just as quickly as they appeared and he turns to see her just as shaken as he feels, brushing her bangs off her face. She meets his eyes, glares and looks away.
âUh, hyung?â Yoongi says, realising suddenly that they arenât alone. âIâm going to have to call you back.â Without waiting for Seokjin to answer, he hangs up.
Once again, thereâs silence inside the car. The tree trunk is blocking almost the entire road and now that theyâve stopped, Yoongi can see barricades up ahead, along with traffic police carrying flashlights.
âAre you okay?â he asks Miso, giving her a sideways glance.
âSpectacular.â She doesnât turn away from the window. âLetâs go,â she adds in a smaller voice.
Yoongi obliges, turning the car back on and driving around the trunk up to where the barricades are. âThe road looks blocked,â he says, but she doesnât respond. It isnât until one of the policemen, shrouded in a thick plastic raincoat, tells them the same thing and informs them that this is only the first of many tree trunks blocking the highway and that it will take all night to clear the road to Seoul, that Miso speaks.
âWhat do we do now?â she asks, almost to herself.
âWell, weâre not getting out of here tonight.â Yoongi sighs and moves the car to the side of the road, before turning off the engine. He runs a hand through his hair; this is not how he saw this evening going. âIâm guessing we canât call a car from Seoul either.â
âNo, we canât,â she confirms in a mutter, looking at her phone. âIf there was any way into Incheon, Seungkwan wouldâve found it. Iâm telling him Iâm checking into a hotel for the night,â she adds, shaking her head.
Yoongi nods, glad he doesnât need to create a fake plan so people donât come looking for him. He knew her father was out of the country, which meant her neglectful mother might be the only one capable of realising sheâs missing.
Miso catches his eye, almost as though she knows what heâs thinking. âMy mother is on a spa weekend.â
âOkay. Well, now that youâve covered your basesâŚâ He trails off, asking the obvious question with a shrug.
âI guess we find some place to kill the night,â she finishes.
A combination of Google Maps and dubious road signs later, Yoongi and Miso find themselves checking into a motel by the highway. It doesnât look too secure in terms of safety but Yoongi reasons that they just need to make it to daybreak, once the rain has stopped and at least one road is cleared out.
The receptionist looks tired herself, looking to be in her early thirties at best, with her hair in a ponytail and faded sweatshirt, circles under her eyes and a complete disinterest in the guests sheâs checking in. The only thing that strikes him about her appearance is a pair of thin gold earrings with a brilliant green stone in the middle.
âID?â she asks listlessly, barely looking up at them.
Yoongi and Miso exchange a wary look; without speaking, they hesitantly place their driversâ licenses on the counter. If the receptionist sees anything familiar in either name, she doesnât show it. She simply checks them in, the green earrings catching the light of the table lamp next to her.Â
âRoom 104, straight down. Follow me,â she says in a monotone, taking a big yellow key off a board on the wall and starting to walk down the hall. Itâs a small, unassuming establishment, with the ground floor opening up into the open, a patch of grass separating it from being right on the sidewalk.
Frowning, Yoongi follows her after making sure Miso is, too. The receptionist stops in front of a room and unlocks it, jiggling the key a couple of times before the door creaks open.Â
âWater is complimentary, snacks are chargeable. Check-out is at ten am. Have a lovely stay with us.â Her face unchanging, she turns to leave.
âWait a second,â says Miso, stopping her. âWeâre two people. And weâre not together,â she adds pointedly, ignoring Yoongiâs sigh as he shoves his hands in his pockets.
The receptionist seems to not register the implied statement for a few moments. âWe only have one room left,â she states. âIf you wish, you can look for something else up the highway.â
Miso bites her lip, her jaw hardening. All of them turn to look at the street, the rain coming down in waves of fury as gusts of wind change its direction. Yoongi raises his eyebrows at Miso, who rolls her eyes and looks away, but doesnât argue. Nodding, Yoongi holds out his hand for the key.
âThank you. Weâll let you know if we need anything.â He waits until the receptionist is out of earshot before turning to Miso. âItâs just for a few hours.â
âFine. Whatever.â She stalks in, dropping her bag by the door and shrugging off her jacket.Â
Yoongi shuts the door behind them and takes off his as well, shaking out his damp hair. âYeah, itâs not a big deal,â he says, walking inside. âItâs not like we haveâŚâ He trails off as he walks further inside the small room and stops. âOkay, thereâs only one bed.â
Miso stops next to him and folds her arms across her chest. âOh, my God, thereâs only one bed.â
â
The sprint from his car to Chaeyoungâs apartment drenches Hoseok to the bone and by the time she opens the door, his teeth are chattering.
âHoseok? What are you doing here?â Chaeyoung steps aside and ushers him inside, closing the door behind him. Itâs dark with minimal light, just as heâd expected. âJesus, did you drive? Thatâs so dangerous, oppa - thereâs a storm outside!â
âI know,â he replies, still shivering as he tries to drink in the warm and dry interior of the apartment. Compared to his woolen hoodie and thick jeans - all of which are wet now - sheâs dressed far more freely in an oversized t-shirt and shorts, her feet tucked in a pair of furry blue house slippers. âI heard the power was out in this area. I called you - but you didnât answer,â he points out, trying to keep his limbs from shaking. âAnd I got worried. Why the damn hell didnât you answer?â
âMy phone is out of charge.â
âThen why didnât you charge it?â
âBecause thereâs no power!â Chaeyoung frowns and tilts her head. âSeriously, is that why you came all the way here? Because I didnât answer my phone?â When Hoseok opts not to answer, partly feeling silly and partly because he doesnât want her to hear his teeth chatter, she sighs. âYouâre crazy, oppa.â
âYeah, you know what? You seem totally fine so this was just - like, a false alarm. Iâll head out now,â he says quickly, turning to leave when she grabs his arm.
âWhoa, no way. Iâm going to get you a towel. Hang on.â
She disappears inside and Hoseok steps further into the small apartment, now allowing himself to shiver a bit more visibly. He takes off the wet hoodie and thatâs when he notices her living room, lit up with a dozen suns. Just beyond the couch and television area, between the closed balcony and the dining space, is a mattress on the floor and at least ten to fifteen candles in various spots around the room, the flames small but bright. Thereâs music at a low volume playing from somewhere, sounding like Taylor Swift.
âOkay, here.â Chaeyoung steps out of the tiny laundry room with a stack of clothes in one hand and a towel in the other. âYou can dry off and take a shower if you want. And these I presume are Jiminâs,â she explains, handing him the clothes. âItâs just a t-shirt and tracks because unfortunately, I couldnât find boxers. Not that I looked,â she adds quickly.
âNot that I would wear another guyâs boxers,â he mutters. âEr, thanks. Should IâŚâ He waits for her to point to the bathroom before ducking inside. Like most things Chaeyoung suggests, sheâs right about the shower. After peeling off his cold, wet clothes and feeling the hot water against his skin, he feels reborn as he throws on Jiminâs borrowed stuff and traipses back out into the living room.
âTea?â Chaeyoung asks as soon as Hoseok steps out and because he is taken by surprise, he nods and gratefully accepts a cup of steaming green tea. He notices her outfit a little more closely this time. Unlike her usual outfits which seem carefully styled and perfectly coordinated, all the way down to her shoes and accessories, she seems almost bare without it all. He reminds himself that this is likely what is underneath all that - this is simply the first time heâs seeing it.
âHow come your phoneâs out of charge?â he asks, taking a sip and feeling the heat start to return to his bloodstream. âWhereâs your power bank?â
âI lost it,â she admits sheepishly, sitting on the edge of the mattress and tucking her knees under her chin. âI think I left it on the bus a couple weeks ago.â
Hoseok half-chuckles and takes another sip of the tea, looking around the room again. He realises now that some of the candles must be scented; he catches a whiff of lavender and inhales it, the storm outside becoming a distant memory.Â
âFeeling better? The tea,â she says, pointing to his cup when he raises his eyebrows.Â
âOh. Yeah, actually. Thanks.â He gestures to the room. âYouâve got a hell of a set up here, huh?â
Chaeyoung shrugs. âI guess. I figured it would be a good night to stay in but then the power went out and⌠well, my room got pretty dark and thereâs this branch outside that looks like a hand which just freaked me out.â She shudders. âSo I got my stuff out here. The apartment feels less empty this way.â
Hoseok nods, spotting the pillows neatly set up at one end by the balcony, a soft purple blanket folded at the other. There is another half-finished cup of tea on the floor next to the blanket, along with her tablet which is open on Spotify, a flashlight, a book and what looks like a knitting project next to it.
âOh, thatâs a new hobby,â says Chaeyoung, following his gaze while he takes a seat next to her. âI didnât think crocheting would be fun but I have to say, it kind of grows on you. Check it out,â she adds excitedly, leaning over him across the mattress to pick up a little figurine he hadnât noticed. âMy first finished project,â she declares, holding up what looks like a crocheted bear, a little smaller than the palm of his hand.
âYou made this? Caterpillar, this isnât half-bad,â he says, impressed. âI like the tail. Except⌠oh, I think its eye is a little looseâŚâ He holds it out so she can look at it, amused when she groans. âItâs okay, he looks kind of cool. Like a pirate bear.â
She grins. âYeah? Is that a thing?â
âSure. Anything or anyone can be a pirate. Doesnât even have to be about the eye, although thatâs a bonus.â
âPirate vibes,â she offers.
âThere you go.â He goes to hand it back to her but she shakes her head.
âKeep it. I mean, if you want.â She gestures to the half-made crochet project still on the needles. âI have a lot more where that came from and the last thing I want to do is become a crazy lady surrounded by her creepy crochet animals.â
âThis isnât creepy,â he argues, tucking it into the pocket of Jiminâs tracks.Â
âYeah, because itâs just one and not an army.â Chaeyoung exhales and stretches her legs out in front of her, her long hair falling down one of her shoulders. She looks warm and dry and cozy, especially surrounded by the clean cotton and soft candlelight, but he thinks he catches a bite in her tone.
âHowâs Sooah? Was she excited about tonight?âÂ
âNot sure. The last time I spoke to Sooah wasâŚâ She checks an imaginary watch on her wrist. âSix days ago.â
Hoseok frowns. âWhat?â
âWell, unless you count a cursory hi or a good night or do we have any milk left? Otherwise, itâs pretty much a lot of texts from her telling me sheâs staying over at Jiminâs so not to wait up.â She bites her lip. âSorry. I probably sound really bitter.â
âNot bitter,â he says reassuringly. âMaybe a little resentful. Itâs understandable, though.â
âIâm happy for her,â she admits in a low voice. âAnd Jimin. Theyâre cute and - and sheâs in love. Itâs great. But⌠itâs kind of come to my attention that Sooah is my only friend in this city. And when sheâs awayâŚâ Chaeyoung sighs heavily, looking slightly embarrassed. âIt gets kind of⌠lonely. Which is my fault, not hers, I guess.â
Hoseok stares at her, waiting for her to look at him and raising his eyebrows when she does.
âWhat?â
âWell, not to be dramatic or anything, but I would say that a person who drove across the city in a storm because you didnât answer his calls could be counted as a friend, too.â
Chaeyoungâs cheeks go slightly pink and her eyes widen slightly, before she laughs. âYouâre definitely my friend, too, oppa,â she says, leaning over and hugging him. âI promise.â
âYeah, yeah.â Hoseok rolls his eyes but canât help smiling, too. She smells of lilies and he shifts slightly closer to her. âI get it, though. Namjoon was that way a little bit in the beginning, when he started dating his girlfriend. She didnât live here, though, so it wasnât as bad, but⌠itâs a tough change.â
âI guess. You know, Iâm trying really hard to shut up that tiny paranoid voice in my brain thatâs insisting that Sooah was just pretending to be my friend until she found a more worthwhile person to be with. I know itâs ridiculous,â she says quickly, rolling her eyes. âI donât actually believe it.â
âGood. Donât. Itâs just the honeymoon period,â he says, setting his cup down and leaning back on his hands. âAnd if you think sheâs slipping away, youâre allowed to ask her for one on one time, you know? Friends have a right to ask that of each other, within reason.â
Chaeyoung looks doubtful, but also hopeful. Her eyes are wide and doe-like and Hoseok has to repress the urge to brush his thumb against her cheekbone.
âMaybe I will.â She nods and holds his gaze for a few seconds. âSo, uhâŚâ She clears her throat. âDid you really drive across the city in the storm just to check up on me?â
Hoseok doesnât look away. âIs that so hard to believe?â
She doesnât answer immediately, but the pink tinge returns to her cheeks. âYou didnât have to.â
âWell, if Iâd known youâd prepared this well for it, I probably wouldnât have.â He pauses. âBut Iâm kind of glad I didnât.â
This time thereâs no mistaking it; sheâs definitely blushing.
âIn fact, uh⌠I was a little unsure,â he admits after a moment, looking at his feet. âI mean⌠maybe Iâve been imagining it, butâŚâ He looks up at her again, searching. âHave you been avoiding me lately?â
Chaeyoung blinks. âI - of course not. Why would you think I was?â
Hoseokâs mind flits through the abrupt texts and strange excuses heâs heard over the last few weeks. âI donât know. Just felt like maybe you were.â
âWell, I wasnât.â
âOkay.â He nods, sensing a slightly defensive tone but unable to be sure. âBut⌠hypothetically if you were,â he ventures, âand hypothetically if it was because of something I did⌠Iâm sorry. For whatever I did, hypothetically.â
Chaeyoung bites her lip, not quite meeting his eyes. âYou didnât do anything. Hypothetically, if I were avoiding you,â she adds. âWhich I wasnât, soâŚâ
âMhm.â
âShut up.â
âI didnât say anything.â
âYou made a sound! You donât believe me,â she accuses him, scowling dramatically.
âYeah, because youâre a terrible liar. You always have been.â
She swats him on the shoulder and he mock-gasps, grinning when she huffs and stands up. âTo think I gave you my debut crocheted stuffed toy. Iâm going to make the next one so much cooler, believe me,â she declares, picking up the needles on the ground.Â
âIf it has two intact eyes, at the very least. Oh, come on, that was a joke,â he implores, laughing and lightly grabbing her ankle as she starts to walk away and sits a few inches away in the centre of the mattress. âI love the bear. I am sorry I barged in on your night, though,â he adds honestly.
âOh, donât be. Iâm happy you did,â she admits, and the pink tinge returns to her cheeks as she looks down at her lap. Hoseokâs heart skips a beat, trying to think of anything and everything else he can say that can keep those faint pink spots from disappearing.
He turns properly to face her and is about to say something, when he spots a writing pad he hadnât noticed next to her tablet. âWhatâs this?â
âOh -â Chaeyoung reaches over and snatches it out of his grasp, hiding it behind her back.
Hoseok, still reeling, looks up in confusion. âSorry, I didnât mean to -â
âNo, itâs fine,â she mutters, shaking her head and waving him off, apparently a little embarrassed at her reaction. âItâs just⌠notes. Work stuff.â
âYou got that defensive over work stuff?â
She gives him a look and he thinks sheâs about to respond smartly, but instead she sighs. âOkay, Iâve been dying to tell someone, I guess⌠I kind of want to ask my boss if I can transfer to the creative team. You know, the one that actually works on the themes and end-to-end campaigns? Well, thereâs a spot open there and all those teams are under my bossâŚâ
âBut?â
âBut itâs a higher designation. So Iâm essentially asking for a promotion,â she finishes. Her shoulders deflate slightly. âItâs a long shot, but⌠God, I really think I can do well there, you know? I have the ideas, Iâve worked on a couple of projects with the creative team, too. My entire internship during college was with a team like that.â
She looks at him like itâs obvious. âI mean⌠I have to actually ask for it. Itâs not that easy.â
âOf course itâs not easy,â he agrees, his voice gentler now. âBut youâll never get it if you donât ask. Are those notes for that conversation?â
Chaeyoung nods. She visibly hesitates, but then passes the writing pad to him.
Hoseok shakes his head, though. âI donât need to see it. But if you want, you can practice with me. Iâve had my share of experience asking for things. And getting rejected a fair few times, too.â
She looks doubtful, but she sits a little straighter. âReally?â Her brows furrow slightly. âYou wonât make fun of me?â
âNever.â He gives her knee an encouraging squeeze. âGo on.â
Chaeyoung nods and sits up on her knees, resting her hips down on her heels. She holds the pad up and begins a clearly rehearsed speech, occasionally looking up at Hoseok for his reaction. He nods as she goes along, giving her his feedback only when she stops and asks for it.
Itâs probably the longest conversation theyâve had in months and itâs only towards the end, as Chaeyoung gets more confident and has added another half a page worth of notes to her original set, that he realises how terribly heâs missed her.
âYouâre a lot more talented than you think you are,â he remarks when she sets the writing pad to the side, looking far more at ease than before. âAny team would be lucky to have you.â
âThanks,â she says gratefully. âI was just spiralling a bit, I guess. Especially because I was going crazy just keeping it to myself. Are you hungry?â she asks suddenly. âI managed to store just enough hot water in my thermos when the power outage warnings started.â
Marvelling at her ability to plan, far better than he or any of his friends did, he nods wordlessly. They devour a cup of instant ramen each while they chat, and then split a brownie sheâd baked earlier in the day.
âDamn it, this is really good.â Hoseok takes another bite, the chocolatey goodness melting in his mouth. âYou really baked this this morning?â
âI told you, Iâm pretty bored these days. And my fingers started cramping after the first hour of crocheting, so I thought I needed a change,â she jokes, popping a piece into her mouth.
Hoseok chuckles and helps himself to some more, watching as she does the same. The candlelight makes her skin look like silk, throwing the softest shadows around the contours of her face. Without thinking, he reaches out and touches her cheek with the back of his hand.
Her eyes widen and he immediately yanks his hand back. âSorry, there was, uh⌠cake. On your⌠yeah.â
âOh.â She brushes her face a couple of times. âDid I get it?â
Not trusting himself to speak, Hoseok nods. Wanting to avoid catching her eye, he looks at the balcony doors behind her. The rain is still pouring heavily, streaks of lightning appearing in the sky, trees blowing in the wind and making it seem like a horror movie out there. Inside, itâs warm and lit and dry, just their voices and soft music in the background.
Hoseok doesnât want to leave. He hopes she wonât ask him to; even if she denied avoiding him, he wasnât fooled. But whatever it was that made her avoid him, she seems to have let it go for now - or sheâs just too nice to ask him to go back home in the storm. Whatever it is, heâs glad. Itâs never been like this before; sheâs never opened up to him this much, this easily, this⌠readily. He feels like heâs seeing someone else - or itâs the same girl heâs always known, but itâs a side of her that hasnât come out around him.
âAre you planning to sleep out here tonight?â he asks, patting the mattress and leaning back against the side of the sofa.
âYeah, I was. I figured Sooah would sleep over at Jiminâs again so Iâd have to literally weather the storm myself.â
She tries to play it off as a joke, but Hoseok spots the corners of her mouth turning down. âDude, I know sheâs got a boyfriend but trust me, okay? Just ask her to lunch or say itâs a girlsâ night or something. Sheâs not going to turn you down.â
âOh, she wonât turn me down,â agrees Chaeyoung. âBut a girlsâ night will just turn into a girlsâ night, plus Jimin.â
âCall me the next time that happens. Iâll kick his arse.â
That makes her laugh. âIâm sorry, oppa, I canât picture you kicking anyoneâs arse. And I like Jimin,â she adds with a shrug of her shoulders. âHeâs sweet, always comes with booze and his facemask application technique is out of this world. I just⌠donât like being left behind,â she confesses.
Her eyes flicker towards Hoseok, lingering before looking away, and it makes him wonder if thereâs more to this than sheâs letting on. Heâs not sure if he wants to ask, though. Her vulnerability feels too delicate to disturb; the last thing he wants to do is cause her to clam up.
âWellâŚâ He searches for something to say. âDonât worry. Heâll be back working sixteen hours a day again before you know it.â
Chaeyoung frowns. âWhy? Didnât you just finish touring? And I thought you said itâs the first time the company's given you a break after a tour.â
Hoseokâs heart stops for a moment. âWow, you really do remember a lot of our conversations,â he mutters, mentally slapping himself.
âI do. So why will Jimin be back at work?â
He bites his lip. Chaeyoung looks genuinely curious; compared to the company or his members or anyone else, she seems like the only other person in the world right now.
âCan you keep a secret?â he asks, holding her gaze and waiting until she affirms it out loud. âWe⌠the group⌠weâre going on a hiatus soon.â
Chaeyoungâs eyes widen. âWhat?â she asks in a hushed voice. âHow - I mean, when? Why?â
âSoon,â he repeats, âand⌠it just seems like the right time. But listen, Chae - you canât tell anyone. Okay? This is top secret stuff - even most people in the company donât know it. Once the Hybe takeover happens and they release some more content under the new label, weâll probably announce it. But until then, you have to keep it to yourself. No one at work, not Sooah - nobody finds out.â
âI - of course I promise,â she says quickly, looping her little finger around his when he holds it out. âBut what do you mean itâs the right time?â
âI mean⌠we donât want to do it exactly,â he admits. âWe kind of have to, if we want to grow as artists at all. Weâre getting pushed into a mould and itâs just not working anymore. Plus weâll have to start enlisting soonâŚâ His stomach jolts weakly. âWe all have so much we want to do. Yoongi wants to tour, Namjoon wants a series of collaborations with artists half of us havenât heard of, Taehyung wants to have fun, whatever that means,â he says, rolling his eyes. âJungkook -â
âAnd what do you want?â Chaeyoung asks, interrupting him.Â
Hoseok doesnât answer immediately. The answer has been noodling around in his mind for years now; first as a pipedream, then as a personal goal, and more recently, as a scary but real possibility if things worked out right. Now, itâs at the tip of his tongue, ready to be said out loud for the first time ever.
âOkay,â he says hesitantly. âJust⌠donât laugh, okay?â
âWhat?â She scoffs. âHobi, I just roleplayed a scenario with you where I asked for a promotion at work. Of course I wonât laugh.â
He nods. âI want to headline a music festival,â he says. âLike Coachella or something. I fucking love concerts,â he confesses, feeling his chest expand at the realisation that heâs finally saying it. âI love the preparation, the rehearsals, the costumes, the high on stage, the audience singing along. Iâve done tons of them with the group but I want to do one myself. Just to see what it would be like.â Just to see if I can.
Chaeyoung is starting to smile, and it makes Hoseok nervous. âMaybe itâs stupid,â he says hurriedly. âItâs stupid - just forget I said anything at all. Itâs just a -â
âOppa.â She interrupts him again, this time accompanied by a light slap on the shoulder. âIf you score me a ticket to this festival, Iâll scrounge up enough cash to fly out there myself and watch you,â she says. âItâs not stupid.â
Hoseok regards her suspiciously. âItâs not stupid?â he asks, uncertain.
âItâs not,â she confirms. âIn fact,â she continues, getting on her knees and leaning across from him to reach for her glass of water, âit sounds pretty on brand for you.â
âThatâs - no, come on,â he stutters, feeling his face turn hot - and suddenly aware that he isnât wearing anything under his joggers.
âIâm serious. I know you probably didnât think youâd actually find success with BTS at first, but believe me - where you are now is exactly how I pictured youâd end up when you left Gwangju.â
He considers this. It had been a big decision, especially for his parents to balance their anxiety and desire to support him. His sister had given him some rare, sisterly advice at a time when sheâd started building her own life, Chanyeol had called their classmates over for a farewell party, while young Chaeyoung had been a extra in his life - part of the extended family circle, but only by her association to the Kang family.
Confessing his secret lifelong dream to her hadnât been on Hoseokâs bingo card. But thereâs no one he trusts more at the moment, and possibly very few others he would drive through a storm for.
âJust let me know which festival and when,â she says after a moment, tone slightly teasing. âIâll crochet a new, two-eyed bear for you.â
He nods. âThatâs a long time to be crocheting. How did you get into it, anyway?â
Chaeyoung shrugs, not meeting his eyes. âIt was a gift from⌠from my stepmom.â
Hoseok doesnât respond immediately. She looks up at him, and he leans forward and kisses her. The rain is just in the background now, like the candles, the music - everything except Chaeyoung.Â
Her hair smells sweet and her lips are soft; itâs exactly how heâd imagined it would be. The last time they had kissed had been over in a flash, too quick for him to appreciate every single physical aspect of it. He had been too consumed by the fact that it had happened at all, but itâs so fitting right now, as though every single thing that happened today was leading to this moment right here.
Chaeyoung kisses him back; if his hunch is correct, if the racing in his stomach is indicative of anything, itâs that she probably wants this as much as he does. He feels her fingers in his hair and her nails light against his scalp; he moves his hand from her face down her arm and reaches for her hand. He feels her move; a moment later, sheâs climbing onto his lap.
Hoseok is afraid for a moment that she will feel just how much heâs wanted this and how long heâs wanted this but before he can think it through, he has her in his arms and the thought leaves his mind instantly, along with every other thought. His hands are at her hips and heâs so aware that itâs Chaeyoung, young and lifelong family friend Chaeyoung, that he stops them from moving any lower. Itâs difficult, though; he tugs at the ends of her t-shirt and itâs harder to resist it this time. He moves his hands under the cloth, feeling the waistband of her shorts, her slender waist and the light indents of her ribs.
âChae,â he murmurs against her lips, somewhere hearing her name sound on his tongue like it never has before. She hums in response but doesnât move away. âAre you⌠are you a virgin?â
Thereâs a pause and Hoseok freezes, terrified heâs ruined the mood. Then she snorts and shakes her head. âNo, Hoseok, Iâm not.â She pulls away slightly and slips off her t-shirt, revealing a faded grey sports bra with thin straps disappearing over her shoulders in an X. âDonât worry,â she assures him, tilting her head and kissing him again.
He doesnât stop her; he canât imagine ever wanting to. Thereâs a lot more skin now, soft and smooth; his lips glide over sections of it, the side of her neck, her collarbones, the base of her throat. Somewhere during it he gets his t-shirt out of the way and feels himself pulsate in his tracks and knows thereâs no ignoring it longer, especially now that he thinks he knows where this is going.
âChae.â Reluctantly, he pulls away again. At the sight of her swollen lips, flushed face and particularly her somewhat exasperated expression, he almost forgets what he was going to say. âListen, I⌠this isâŚâ
âDo you want to stop?â Her voice is even, but thereâs a hint of disappointment he doesnât miss.
âNo,â he says immediately. âThe⌠opposite. I just think I need to tell youâŚâ He swallows, finding it hard to think straight amidst her raised eyebrows and her hand absently resting on his chest. âUm, so when this happens, when I - when I do⌠something like this⌠I tend to get kind of⌠carried away.â He swallows and waits for her to react, painfully conscious of her warm crotch against his, the hem of her shorts having ridden up all the way.
It seems to take Chaeyoung a few seconds to work out what he means. âCarried away?â she repeats. When he nods, she bites her lip and for the first time in a long time, he thinks he spots a hint of shyness. She bites her lip and her cheeks redden slightly, but she nods, tossing her tousled hair back and wrapping her arms around his neck. âGotcha,â she mutters, and this time he kisses her.
The last time Hoseok had hooked up with a girl was almost a year ago. Heâd been recording a song in Los Angeles and met her at a party and despite the fact that they didnât have much to talk about, theyâd carried on a casual fling for the three days that heâd been there, during which time she had remarked with some admiration that he had âthe stamina and determination of an athleteâ.
She hadnât been the only girl to say this to him in his life, and Hoseok had gathered that this was just something he brought to the bedroom and probably didnât need to apologise for it. He wouldnât have actively warned anyone else, but Chaeyoung didnât feel like just anyone. She knows now, though, and despite the fact that he wouldâve thought sheâd be the last person to ever know this about him, finally telling her, seeing her blush at his admission and her clear desire to keep going, lets loose what heâs been suppressing around her for a while now.
Deciding that Jimin would probably not want these track pants back, Hoseok pulls her closer to him before leaning forward and easing her onto her back. Her head hits the pillow and she looks momentarily surprised at the impact but Hoseok kisses her again and she responds instantly. She sighs against his mouth and he hardens, feeling it against the inside of her thigh, where she bends her leg at the knee and pushes her hips up to meet his.
One hand stays on the mattress to support him and the other runs down her body, past her waist and around her hips to stop between her legs. Sheâs warm through her shorts; the thought of whatâs in there makes his cock throb and he palms her and squeezes. Her surprised moan fills the room and he pulls away from her mouth abruptly, reaching up to take off her shorts. The mismatched black panties make his erection even more apparent and he drops down to her body, kissing her sternum, her willowy ribcage, the smooth skin of her abdomen down to the elastic of her underwear where, without hesitation, he slips it down her legs.Â
Hoseok glances up at her from between her legs, just in case heâs misreading anything, but the sight of her arched back, her closed eyes and long hair splayed on the white pillow wipe any and all doubts from his mind.Â
Chaeyoung tastes incredible. Hoseok takes his time going down on her, starting with his lips on her thighs, exploring every single fold with his tongue before reaching her clit. It dulls his senses and heightens his desire at the same time, reeling him in as he holds her legs open, devouring her and welcoming the taste, the only other sensations being her fingers in his hair and her sweet, sweet voice moaning his name.
He knows when sheâs about to cum; he pulls his hips to her face, hearing her gasp in between the sounds that are reaching higher and higher in pitch and frequency. She clutches at his hair just as she climaxes, her warm wetness filling his mouth and her legs trembling slightly as he sets them down. He sits up slowly, wiping his mouth with one hand while the other absently strokes her thigh, watching as her chest rises and falls in the aftermath of her orgasm, the orgasm he just gave her, and feels his heart jolt.
Hoseok crawls to her side to lie beside her, using his elbow for support and resting his head on his palm as he waits, patiently, for her to open her eyes. When she finally does, theyâre slightly unfocused as they find him. He says nothing, but simply brushes her bangs out of her eyes.
âWow,â she says softly. âIâm really glad I left my power bank on the bus.â
Hoseok chuckles and a moment later, both of them laugh.
â
Itâs very nearly dawn - probably.Â
The sky is dark outside and the sound of the rain outside is calming. The city is sprawled underneath them and the moon is the only source of light in their hotel room, the massive windows illuminating the bed, the rumpled sheets and Kayaâs naked body straddling his.
In the three years or so theyâve been together, their intimacy has never been a source of conflict or stress. Itâs only ever been the opposite; whether it was distance or work or disagreements, the thought of her skin on his and her mouth on his body reduced triggered the most primal form of attraction, despite the cerebral aspect of their relationship he prided himself on so much.Â
Sometimes she is under him: he loves the sight of her underneath his body, encased and safe, for his view only as he thrusts into her. Sometimes her back is to him and he pulls her in, feeling sensations and strength as their hips meet with force; sometimes it is against a wall or a table and she wraps her legs around his waist as they struggle to stay quiet, only their silent gasps mingling as he fucks her into a wall.
But nothing - nothing - compares to when she rides him.
He doesnât know what it is - maybe itâs the visual of her entire body up there on display for him, her long hair falling down one shoulder as she rolls her hips into his, eyes closed and neck tilted up. Maybe itâs the way her back arches when she hits a sweet spot, and her head falls back as she moans, or maybe itâs the sight of her taking charge, speeding up and slowing down as she wishes, edging him until heâs compelled to grab her hips and take matters into his own hands.
They shouldnât have maintained any hopes of getting any sleep tonight, not in the last precious hours of their trip before the morning arrives and after three amazing weeks, they have to part again. Even though theyâd fallen asleep for a bit, it hadnât been long before heâd been awoken by her tugging at his arm, waking him up to make love on their last night together, just as theyâd done throughout the holiday.
Namjoon had lost count of the number of times theyâd had sex by the third day of their trip. It had been impossible to stay away, to keep his hands off her, to resist her advances even if they appeared in semi-public. Throughout the trip - and possibly their entire relationship - those urgent sex sessions that began with filthy words and roaming hands in public and culminated in desperate and earth-shattering sex in private, dominated.Â
Sheâs so beautiful. His eyes roam her naked body, committing it to memory until the next time they see each other, knowing itâs what will keep him going until they do. He moves one of his hands up her waist and to her chest, stopping underneath her breast before lightly brushing her nipple with his thumb. She bites her lip and moans softly, when a buzzing sound interrupts them.
Her frown deepens and the erotic sounds change as she groans in annoyance. Namjoon clicks his tongue and turns to look at his phone on the bedside table; the screen lights up and Hoseokâs name flashes on the incoming call. He reaches over and declines the call, just as heâd done the last time Hoseok had called five minutes ago.Â
The call ends and Namjoon catches a glimpse of a trail of messages left by his friend, none of them particularly coherent, but Namjoon canât begin to decipher them right now. In the last six hours, every single one of his members had called him at least once, all coincidentally during moments when he couldnât or didnât want to answer. Theyâd tried to leave him alone for most of the trip but apparently, they couldnât keep it going for long.
A movement distracts him and he looks up to see Kaya sweeping her hair off her neck, her skin sweaty and glowing. All thoughts of his members clean out of his mind, he sits up and wraps his arm around her waist to flip them over.
â
The rain is deafening as Nari stares at him in silence. Seokjinâs eyes fall again to the papers in her hand and the thick socks on her feet, hoping she will respond soon.
âSeokjin,â she says slowly, âitâs not my birthday. My birthday is in -â
âMay, I know.â His heart stutters slightly as he realises for the first time that coming here might have been somewhat stupid. âBut we werenât exactly on the best terms in May and I was on tour anyway⌠so today is kind of the next best thing.â
Nari frowns for a moment before it dawns on her. Her forehead clears and she starts to smile, pursing her lips in amusement. âOf course it is,â she agrees, nodding.
She laughs. âThanks. You did wish me over text, so itâs not like you forgot.â
âNo, but an in-person wish is the bare minimum. I tried my best to make it here before midnight but the streets are fairly empty. I thought theyâd be jammed all the way to Hongdae.â
âYeah. Wait - you drove in this?â Her eyes widen and she glances at the window behind him. âAre you kidding? Is that why youâre wet?â
âKinda - I had to run from my car to your building because thereâs a pothole open right⌠there,â he answers, opening the window wider and pointing to where heâd left his car. Nari comes up next to him to look at it, resting her hand with the papers on the wall.
Unfortunately at that exact moment, a strong gust of wind blows through the street, making them flinch away and cover their faces, and a few of the sheets in her hand fly out of the window.
âNo!â Nari shouts in panic, reaching for them as though hoping they will fly back to her.
âShit, that was - wait, what the hell are you doing?â Seokjin watches in confusion as she darts back into her apartment and out of it in a second, her feet in slippers, and dashes down the corridor. âNari!â He hurries after her as she runs down the stairs and out into the street, splashing in the direction of the papers.
âNo, no, noâŚâ She shakes her head and looks around wildly, wiping her wet hair off her face. She whips around to face him, blinking through the rain. âHelp me look for them!â she yells.
âWhat are you talking about? Nari, theyâre gone!â Seokjin yells back, still at the doorway of the building. When she doesnât respond, however, stepping further into the puddles, he runs out after her. âNari, youâre going to fall sick!â he says loudly over the rain as he reaches her, grabbing her arm and trying to tug her back.
âI canât! Those were my notes from a medical seminar about a groundbreaking clinical trial!â she cries, still looking around. âI need them for my application to be a part of the research - and now theyâre gone!â To his surprise, she turns around and hits him on the shoulder.
âOw! Just print out another copy!â he yells back, rubbing his shoulder.
âTheyâre handwritten, you idiot!â
âWhat? You wrote notes in this day and age?â He asks incredulously. âWhat happened to the Macbook I got you for Christmas two years ago?â
âYou know that typing distracts me while I take notes,â she reminds him, glaring as her wet hair sticks to her face. âWhat am I going to do?â
âWhat about your friends? Canât you borrow their notes?â
âI - mine were colour coded with different highlighters!â she argues, but she takes a step back. âBut⌠yeah, I guess I could. Damn it, Kimbap!â She slaps him on the arm again, but itâs lighter this time.
âHey!â He reaches over and shoves her shoulder. âItâs not my fault!â
âOf course it is!â she retorts, shoving him back.Â
âI came here to wish you a happy half-birthday because I missed your real one,â he points out, the rain starting to blur his vision. âAnd you gave me a lot of grief for it in middle school, in case you donât remember.â
âI - that was - that was so different,â she stutters, before her shoulders fall. âBut kind of accurate,â she mutters.
Seokjin scoffs, placing his hands on his hips. âYou really thought you were going to find your notes floating around in the sky? The ink must be smudged beyond comprehension!â
âDonât remind me,â she groans. âI worked really hard on that. And now weâre probably going to get hypothermia!â
He shrugs uncertainly, looking around the deserted street, the branches of the trees swaying and rivulets of water flowing down the street. Clearly there were kids playing on the street before the real downpour began, for a football, a couple of tennis balls, and a pair of what look like water guns have been abandoned on the pavement in front of the building.
âDidnât you have one of those?â he asks, pointing to the guns.
Nari turns and her annoyed expression instantly fades. âOh, yeah,â she says, chuckling. âI got it right after Eunbiâs birthday party where her parents took us all out to that water park. And, no, I didnât forget,â she adds quickly, holding her hand up to him, âthat youâre the one who got it for me.â
Seokjin nods in satisfaction. âI did - I had to save up for, like, four months for that. Was it your fifteenth?â
âFourteenth.â She eyes the guns before looking back up at him. âWeâre both thinking the same thing, right?â
âIf we arenât, then one of us is an imposter.â
She laughs and they sprint for the guns at the same time, grabbing one each and immediately filling it with water from the puddles on the road. Seokjin reaches them first but waits for Nari to shoot him first, feeling it hit his shoulder as she cackles, and proceeding to return the favour. Itâs a complete one-eighty from when theyâd run out of the building five minutes ago, in a state of confusion and disarray, only to be using water guns for the first time in over a decade while the city of Seoul drowns in the rain.
âUgh - that one was right in the face, Nari!â He shouts after a bit, wiping his eyes as she hoots in the background. âThatâs not fair!â
âI have better aim than you - just accept it, Kimbap,â she crows, coming over and peering at him from a distance. âYouâre fine. Now come on!â
âI think you just blinded me, you ghoul,â he accuses her, blinking rapidly. When she comes closer, frowning slightly, he raises his gun and shoots her right on the college logo in the middle of her sweatshirt.
Nari gasps. âThatâs - Iâm going to get you for that, I swear to God!â They resume play, splashing through the puddles and laughing whenever they get in a good shot, until she aims at him and pulls the trigger, only for nothing to come out.
âOh, shit - okay, hold it! Iâve been compromised!â she declares, checking her gun frantically as Seokjin narrows his eyes, wondering if itâs a tactic.
She looks up, panting slightly. âOkay, I think I may have broken some kidâs water gun.â
âAre you serious?â
âYes!â She nods, jogging over to the pavement and dropping the gun where they found it. âShit! Iâm going to have to buy this kid another one, arenât I?â
âI - probably!â Seokjin joins her and places his gun neatly next to it. âI donât know. Do you even know whose it is?â
âNot really.â She swallows and looks up at him, wiping her hair out of her eyes again. âOr⌠I donât know - who leaves their shit outside like this instead of taking it home? Anything could have happened to it!â
âYouâre right,â he says. âAnything could have happened to it!â
She raises her eyebrows at his tone, which he returns with an incorrect shrug. A smile spreads across her face and she shakes her head. âI guess thatâs true!â
Seokjin winks at her conspiratorially and she laughs, raising her hand. She presumably intends it to be a high-five and he obliges, but somewhere along the way, in the rain and wet sweatshirts and water ricocheting off every surface, they reach for each other and meet in a kiss.
Something explodes in Seokjinâs stomach and the aftershocks continue even after itâs gone. Itâs a new sensation, with the water and the cold and the entirely unexpected nature of how it occurred, but before he can wrap his head around it, she pulls away.
The rain pours around them, a ridiculous secret about water guns in the middle, but now that the guns are gone and so are her notes and itâs just them remaining, the cracks start to form.
âShit,â she mutters, squeezing her eyes shut and dropping her head.
Seokjin doesnât saything, the bursts in his stomach now dwindling away to form a knot that feels uncomfortably like guilt. âIâm sorry,â he says hoarsely, taking a step back but she shakes her head.
âItâs not right,â she states, her voice trembling slightly. âYou have a girlfriend and I have⌠itâs not right,â she repeats, swallowing and looking up at him, seemingly with some effort.
Thereâs nothing more to say. Seokjin feels a dangerous lump in his throat, the impending complications looming before him. âIâm going to go,â he says, turning around and feeling defeated.
âSeokjin.â Nari tugs at his sleeve. âJust⌠hypothermia.â
âCome again?â
âYouâll get hypothermia.â Nari opens her mouth to say something else but then closes it. A moment later, she gestures to the building. âYou need to towel dry your hair, and drink something warm. And⌠at least put on a dry hoodie before you leave.â
Heâs about to decline; he wants to get out of here, suddenly be as far away from here as possible before his mind goes into overdrive. But his fingers are frozen - he may not even be able to grip the steering wheel properly. Plus⌠Nari is asking. Sheâs really asking, meaning what she says and after a moment, Seokjin nods.
Apparently convinced that heâs listening to her, she beckons to him and they walk back into the building together.
â
Yoongi canât believe how this night is turning out. Heâd pictured it so differently: prepping for the meeting in the morning, calming his nerves during the drive from Seoul to Incheon, finishing the meeting and hopefully securing the investment he needed, having the rest of the evening to himself.Â
Most of all, for once, he and Miso would get a few hours outside of the office and away from the Seoul elite. Her father is abroad for work and it shows; sheâs far less on edge and the fact that Seungkwan hasnât paraglided onto the doorstep of their motel room to whisk her back to her prison is proof of that.
Taking her on a date seemed like an alien concept, in those words, at least. He didnât know if that was actually something he wanted and he definitely couldnât imagine her ever agreeing to one either. But he reckoned that even just a day away, seeing her with her guard down, actually spending time with her, hooking up in his car before he dropped her seemed like something to look forward to.
Thatâs what he reckoned.
âWhat is wrong with you that you canât see how fucked up it is that you donât care what the outcome of your behavior is?â he demands, standing by the edge of the bed, next to the bathroom door.Â
âMy behaviour? You know what - Iâm sorry, Yoongi,â she snaps. Sheâs at the other end of the tiny room by the window, the curtains blow in the wind entering through the cracks, brushing her arm. âIâm so sorry that I ruined your precious meeting that no one senior from the company couldnât even be bothered to make it.â
âItâs for my tour!â he bursts, livid now - and frustrated, because while heâs admitted why it matters so much to him, itâs a coin toss to see whether she will care. âIâm going on tour next year so yeah, Iâm the one that needs to secure the investment!â
âIf youâre going on tour, youâre still doing it for the company!â Miso points out with irritating condescension. âYouâll be making them money and losing sleep and working yourself to death - and they couldnât be bothered to have someone from management come with you?â
âI chose you,â he says bitterly, shaking his head and turning away. âThe board suggested it and I pushed for it. And now Iâm starting to regret it.â
âWhy wouldnât you? Just a proof of concept, right?â she sneers, although it lacks its usual bite. She folds her arms. âAll I had to do was sit there and shut up and let my last name do all the work. No wonder you chose me.â
Yoongi sinks onto the chair next to him and drops his head into his hands, tired. Thereâs no explaining this to her; itâs too complicated. He would have to reveal things heâs barely acknowledged himself, only for her to get defensive and throw it back at him.
He struggles but forces himself to recall how sheâd switched teams and taken her name off a record for him, ages ago. Where is she, though? Her disdain for the company and its dependence on her fatherâs money is expected, but he canât fathom why she wouldnât care that sheâs sabotaged his future, too.
âYouâre not a proof of concept,â he says hoarsely, trying again. âI shouldnât have said you were.â He looks up at her hopefully, only to see her face still and stony. âAnd I get it - I get that you thought you were trying to defend me, but -â He shakes his head. âGod, Miso, all he did was act aloof and say that rap doesnât sound like real music to him - which a lot of people think,â he adds quickly. âI donât agree but who cares what he thinks? You insulted him and his business to his face and just be honest, alright? You did that because you knew he couldnât touch you, because he knows who your father is.â
A dark shadow passes across her face. âI promise you, my father is not who I was thinking of at that moment,â she says coldly.Â
âNo, but you were able to say all that because you knew youâd get away with it,â he presses. âYouâve never had to face a single consequence in your life so you just -â
âFuck me - you donât think Iâve face consequences?â she interrupts furiously. âYou wouldnât last one fucking week in my life, Min Yoongi,â she spits, pointing a finger at him. âYou and your self-righteous bullshit would be crushed under my fatherâs shoe, believe me.â Â
âBut youâre still there, arenât you?â Yoongi retorts, standing up and shrugging. âIf youâre facing all these consequences then why arenât you - God, Miso, why donât you just leave?â he asks, and his voice cracks on the last word.
He knows sheâs heard it, too, because she doesnât respond immediately. He retreats; itâs a thought heâs managed not to say out loud to her so far, despite wondering about it constantly, because thereâs no telling how much he would be prying. Going to find out now, I suppose, he thinks grimly.
âThatâs - itâs complicated,â she mutters, turning away from him.Â
âWhat is complicated?â
âItâs not as easy as just packing up and leaving,â she snaps. âThereâs a lot more in the picture.â
âWhat are you talking about? Youâre twenty-nine - most people your age are living alone,â he points out, frowning incredulously. âYou must have savings, donât you? Just - just find an apartment and leave. Or - or you can stay with me until you find something, but at least try -â
Yoongi breaks off when she takes a deep breath and exhales loudly, suddenly feeling like a child explaining things to an adult. It makes him fume.
âYou know,â he starts again, then pauses. âYou keep talking about how terrible your life is. Your shiny, perfect life on the outside but behind that, with your narcissistic parents and stalker of a driver who follows you everywhere. But you have to get out of it yourself, Miso. You can take help where you need it but youâre the one whoâs going to have to take the first step.â
She scoffs. âWhy? Because there are no handouts in the real world?â
âYes,â he answers immediately. âYouâre clearly unhappy but⌠why are you still there? In your fatherâs house, under his thumb? Is it because youâre scared? Because⌠I donât know, you think the heir to the Kang empire canât leave or something?â
Misoâs stance doesnât change but thereâs a flicker in her eyes. Her face relaxes minutely and she exhales again, but this time it isnât impatience. Yoongi canât be completely sure, but he thinks it might be relief.
âOh, my God.â The words come out without thinking. âIâm right? Youâre not leaving because youâre the heir to his fortune?â As he says it, Yoongi knows he is right. Her fatherâs words from the dinner come back to his mind, as does her evasiveness when heâd questioned her about it in his studio.
Something contracts in his ribcage; the air isnât reaching his lungs fast enough or his lungs arenât accepting it or⌠he closes his eyes and takes a deep, deep breath, feeling his stomach slowly start to loosen, just enough to keep him standing up.
âThatâs it, isnât it?â he asks, watching how she doesnât seem caught or surprised. âYouâre the heir to his⌠what did he call it? His legacy? His fortune?â
Miso doesnât answer immediately, but her eyes shutter over a bit. âI deserve it, donât you think?â she asks quietly. âAfter everything heâs put me through?â
âReally? So youâve been taking his bullshit all these years because you know youâll get Kang Industries at the end of it? Thatâs what your freedom is worth?â
âTwo hundred billion dollars?â She shrugs, but doesnât quite meet his eyes. âIâll take it.â
Yoongi sighs shakily; somewhere, he knows he hasnât processed this fully, that it will hit him in full force later, what it really means. But for now, he just wants to know.
âAre you serious? After everything youâve told me about him, every time youâve looked so scared of him - all of that is worth it because heâs going to give you his company when he retires in twenty years?â Heâs bewildered, angry, disappointed. âAnd youâre just going to keep taking it?â
âHe doesnât have any other children,â she says. âHe has no choice. One day, heâs going to have to look me in the eye, sign over his company to me and know that his lifeâs work is in my hands.â
âTwo hundred billion dollars,â he repeats.
âSounds like a fair deal.â She scoffs again, but thereâs no force behind it. âBut Iâm sure you think itâs money-hungry or egotistical for me to think that.â
âNo,â he says. âI think itâs sad.â
She licks her lips and swallows. âI donât have to explain myself to you,â she whispers, but her voice trembles. âIâm making the best of my situation, something you will never understand.â
And Yoongi explodes.
âYou think I donât know what making the best of a situation feels like? Are you serious?â he shouts. âI delivered food to people to pay rent! I couldnât afford the bus, or dinner! I made music using a second hand laptop and knocked on the doors of producers before getting the Big hit audition - an audition!â He glares, panting slightly. âI had to audition for the opportunity to make something of myself - not be born into two hundred million!â
âAre we back to this again? I grew up with money and you didnât so that makes you a more morally superior person somehow?â she demands.
âNo, but it makes you a hypocrite!â he retorts. âAll this time, I thought you were different but youâre just like them! Youâre a regular old chaebol whoâs selling out for the money - except youâre selling away your entire life for it! Canât you see how fucked up that is?â
âFor two hundred billion? Youâre right - I am a chaebol,â she states, her cheeks flushing now. âI was born into it and I canât do anything about it. But thatâs how it is, okay? Every single time my father has treated me or my mother or anybody else like crap, itâs been for his company. For his money. And one day, Iâm going to be in charge of it.â
âBut what about your life? Fucking hell!â Yoongi kicks the edge of the bed in frustration, noting how she flinches very slightly. âYour fatherâs money, your money - thereâs a world outside money, Miso! Thereâs family, thereâs friends and loyalty and - and passion and love - and so much else!â
Miso frowns incredulously, then gives a harsh, derisive laugh. âFamily? Friends, love⌠what - what the hell are you talking about? You sound like a childrenâs book, Yoongi,â she accuses, scoffing. âMy father added a bonus to my trust fund every time I got a good grade - thatâs the extent to which weâve been a family.â She shakes her head but a flash of lightning lights up her face for a moment and even through her glasses, Yoongi is startled to see her eyes wet.Â
âI get it, but -â
âNo, you donât! Where the hell do you get off acting so high and mighty, huh?â she argues. âYouâve spent this whole evening bitching at me because you didnât get an investment for your little tour! Isnât that about money, too?â
âThatâs different! Thatâs for my job, thatâs for - it - â He struggles to articulate it, realising he never thought he would have to. âItâs not a fucking coping mechanism, Miso! Because thatâs what youâre doing - youâre using this heir thing to cope with your familyâs bullshit!â he points out. âYouâve never even mentioned this to me in two years!â
âYeah, telling you Iâm the heir to my fatherâs company wouldâve worked out great for our relationship,â she snarls, rolling her eyes. âYou couldâve added chaebol to the nepo kid crap you kept giving me.â
âDonât turn this on me,â he says dismissively. âThe only time Iâve ever seen you care about anything has been music, when youâre stuck in the studio for hours and hours, eating cold takeout and Diet Coke! You donât care about the company - thatâs just what youâre telling yourself. What - do you go to sleep screaming two hundred billion two hundred billion into your pillow every night?â
âWatch yourself, Min Suga,â she snarls, her eyes flashing.
But Yoongi is too far gone right now. Everything seems unfamiliar and his only defense is offense. âYouâre putting up with all this crap - youâre giving up your whole life just so you can inherit your fatherâs billions! At this rate, youâre probably going to turn out just like him!â
In a flash of a movement, the cordless phone hits the wall next to him and crashes to the ground at his feet.Â
âGet out.â
Yoongi doesnât need to be told twice. He turns around and wrenches the door open, stepping out and slamming it shut behind him. He needs air - fresh, rainy air and space to breathe. Itâs still raining, albeit not as heavily as before, so Yoongi makes his way under the roofed area to the end of the corridor and lights a cigarette, wondering if he should just drive back to Incheon.
The thought disappears as soon as it enters his mind. He smokes in silence, his heart heavy and disappointed, but most of all angry at how heâd never considered this possibility at all.
Or had he? Yoongi struggles to remember. Hadnât he always had some amount of contempt for her and what she represented? Where had it changed? Was it when heâd started seeing her as a victim of her situation, too - and if had, had he been completely wrong about all of it?
Not all of it, a voice reasons in his mind. Yoongi remembers the bruises on her wrist, her agitation the entire day leading up to the dinner at her house. She hadnât been faking that. Sheâd seemed like a cornered animal just now but the brand new realisation heâd made made her seem like a completely different person. Yoongi doesnât want to think about why that hurts so much that he canât breathe.
âUh⌠sir?â
Yoongi turns tiredly to see the receptionist back at her desk, a dim lamp lighting the small area up. The brilliant green of her earrings match the lone fake plant at the end of the desk.Â
âYouâre not allowed to smoke here.â She points to a sign on the wall.
He pauses but doesnât get rid of the cigarette immediately. âWhy not?â he asks, hearing the defeated, almost-whine in his own voice. âThereâs no one here and weâre outdoorsâŚâ He doesnât have the energy to argue further, simply waving his hands to indicate the rest.
The receptionist evidently doesnât have an answer to this; if anything, she looks just as tired to care. Her eyes fall to the cigarette in his hand, her right hand twitches, and she looks away.
Yoongi raises his eyebrows and fishes the pack out of his pocket. âWould you like one?â
Her eyes widen and she opens her mouth to answer, before abruptly looking around, presumably to see if anyone else is there. She steps out from behind her desk and hesitantly picks out a cigarette, lowering her head in thanks, and taking the lighter he offers.
âDo you live around here?â he asks after a minute, since she continues smoking next to him. He looks around as well at the rain, wondering how anyone is supposed to get the hell out of here.
âI live in Seoul,â she answers. âBut Iâm working the night shift tonight and also itâs rainingâŚâ She trails off.
âYou come here every day from Seoul?â
âYes, thereâs a bus.â She pauses. âI like Incheon more but my siblings go to school in Seoul and⌠well, I heard there are better schools in Seoul.âÂ
He nods, not actually knowing whether thatâs true. âAre you from Incheon? Because you donât sound like it,â he adds, having recognised an accent in some of her words.
âOh⌠no. Iâm from Daegu, actually.â
She sounds almost ashamed of it, until Yoongi says, âYeah? So am I.â
Something changes in her face and she smiles a bit, still looking exhausted. âGood to know,â she says, her accent suddenly changing completely to a Daegu one. âMy parents still live there. Do you go back home often?â she asks.
âNot as often as Iâd like.â He looks up when she tosses the butt of her cigarette on the ground and kicks it off the elevated corridor. When he offers her another, she shakes her head.
âNo, thank you.â She gives him a small smile again, the green of her earrings catching a flash of lightning. âThank you for the smoke. Good night.â As abruptly as sheâd appeared, she turns around and disappears into a small room behind the desk labelled âStaffâ.
Yoongi lights another one and takes a long drag. It occurs to him suddenly that he shouldâve asked for the receptionistâs name, the one from Daegu whoâs working a night shift before returning to Seoul in the morning, to the younger siblings sheâs clearly the guardian for.Â
Thereâs more than a little thatâs familiar there. It makes no sense, he reflects with some chagrin, how heâs now found himself so deep in the water with the most unfamiliar of people, a chaebol he met at his work because of a nepotistic hire. His people were like the receptionist, hard workers from the provinces who came to the capital and worked to the bone, doing what they could to take care of their families.Â
Miso wasnât his people. He hadnât ever assumed she was, but this chasm between them, vast and of unfathomable depth, had never seemed this large.Â
He eventually finishes his cigarette, followed by a third, before he deems it time to go back to the room. He doesnât want to argue with Miso anymore - he truthfully doesnât think he can. But itâs late and heâs tired and the small burning hope of a temporary reconciliation fuels his legs to move.
He opens the door quietly. âMiso?â he murmurs, stepping in to see the room dark. The only light is a dim one by the door, just enough for him to see Miso on the bed, right at the edge, curled up and asleep. He doesnât move for a few moments, wondering how long sheâs been asleep or if she even really is.
But she doesnât move either and finally, Yoongi slips out of his shoes and steps into the room, turning off the light on his way. Only a sliver of moonlight giving him any visual aid at all, he reaches the bed. Itâs small, but sheâs taken only about a quarter of it.Â
He reaches over and gently slips off her glasses, folding them and placing them over her body on her bedside table. Then he slips under the covers on his side and closes his eyes, hoping to get some sleep.
â
Dilara wakes up to a blue sky and an empty hotel room, in a bed thatâs too big for her, and extremely, extremely frustrated.
She has to be out on the track in a few hours, in the cold winds of Austin, Texas in November. But for now sheâs in a warm bed under cozy covers, keenly aware that she isnât wearing pajamas.Â
It doesnât take a genius to figure out why during this weekend in particular itâs so hard to ignore the fact that sheâs alone, without Taehyung. It is, technically, around the time of their anniversary and this very hotel is where theyâd officially become a couple two years ago.Â
Sheâd started feeling sentimental about it a few days ago and she knew he had, too. It was generally a romantic time and had they been in the same city, they wouldâve made the best of it. Unfortunately, she has a race and he has some meeting at the company headquarters tomorrow that he canât miss, and their anniversary weekend is pushed by another week.
There is something exciting about the distance and longing, too. A couple of days ago, sheâd been texting Taehyung while heâd been at lunch with his friends, the messages getting progressively more explicit. Heâd told her to cut it out but had also accompanied it with a subtle picture of his denim-covered crotch and his hand in the frame, clearly taken under a table.Â
The entire experience, including when heâd abruptly stopped responding for about ten minutes, had been so hot and so incredibly arousing, that Dilara had been waiting for another opportunity for another remote quickie.
She rolls over and picks up her phone, scrolling to their chat.
Dilara [08:10]
Hey you
Tae [08:10]
Hey beautifulJust woke up?
Dilara [08:11]
Mhm. Had a really nice dream.
Tae [08:11]
Oh yeah? Was I in it?
Dilara [08:11]Oh you definitely came in it
Tae [08:13]
What are you wearing?
Dilara [08:13]
Just underwearBut Iâll probably take it off soonI woke up with it really wet
Tae [08:14]
Come on Zoom right now
Feeling her heart toss and her abdomen clench, she reaches over for her tablet on the side table and flips it open. Scrambling out of the blanket, she piles a couple of cushy pillows in front of her and places the tablet on it, balancing it neatly on the cover. She opens the Zoom app and checks the view on the preview screen, to see herself leaning against the remaining pillow, her face and entire body visible at the perfect angle.
Satisfied, she enters the meeting. Taehyung is already on the screen, his long black hair falling casually into his eyes, looking freshly washed and on their way to drying. He looks up and thereâs a momentary smile that flickers across his face, interrupting the tension-filled atmosphere. It disappears quickly, though, and she sees him lean back and tilt his chin up.Â
Heâs in his bedroom on the floor, sitting against his closet door with his laptop presumably on the bed, also positioned perfectly so she can see him perched nonchalantly, relaxed and in the forefront, only his bedroom door and a corner of his bedside table in the frame.
âYou told me you were just wearing your underwear,â he notes.
Dilara nods, silently taking off her t-shirt, leaving almost all of herself completely exposed. Itâs working already; she rubs her legs together in anticipation, wishing he were here in person to put her out of her misery.
âGood.â Taehyung is silent for a few moments, his gaze burning into her even through the screen. He palms his crotch, almost absently, and then flicks his head once. âShow me where itâs wet.â
Licking her lips, she bends her legs at the knees and spreads them, moving her hand down between them and pressing her fingers to her core. âRight there,â she confirms softly, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.
âDoes that feel good?â His voice is low, deep and raspy. When she nods, he leans forward. âDo it again. And donât stop.â
Dilara obliges, resting her head back on the pillow and rubbing herself through her underwear, her back arching slightly and her other hand twitching. Fortunately, he takes his cue.
âSqueeze your boobs for me,â he murmurs, sighing quietly when she obeys. âFlick your tits - like that, exactly. Play with your nipples.â
This was exactly what she needed; feeling his eyes on her, his voice commanding her and every single nerve ending alert and awake. âIâm really fucking wet, Tae,â she groans, opening her eyes to glance briefly at him.
âTake it off, then. Show me that beautiful pussy.â She can hear his sharp intake of breath when she slips her underwear down her legs and spreads them again. âWider,â he says hoarsely. âI want you to rub that clit till you cum all over your fingers.â
She hums in pleasure, her moans growing in volume as she holds onto his voice, thick with arousal, and pictures his fingers inside her, his lean naked body against hers, her nipples in his mouth and his thick, hard cock pulsating against her thighâŚ
âLike what you see, baby?â Dilara opens her eyes again to see his bottom lip between his teeth and a deep frown on his forehead. âGod, I wish I had your cock in my mouth right nowâŚâ
This time, he takes the cue. Swearing gruffly under his breath, he slips his tracks down his hips and frees his erection, the drops of pre cum glistening on his tip. His breathing gets choppier as he strokes himself and Dilara feels a familiar clench in her stomach once again.
She squeezes her eyes shut, able to focus on nothing but her fingers, her wetness starting to coat them and the knowledge that across the world, Kim Taehyung is coming undone just watching her pleasure herself.Â
âOh, God,â she whispers. âTae, Iâm - Iâm closeâŚâ
Taehyung says something, louder than before and her heart skips a beat: has she made him cum already? Just as she starts to reach the base of her orgasm and she hears him say something else, her eyes snap open - because that is not Taehyungâs voice.
âLara!â Taehyungâs voice rings loud this time and she straightens up to see, unmistakably, another person in the room.Â
Dilara gasps and rolls out of the frame, her leg getting caught in the covers and causing her to tumble down onto the soft carpet. Her heart races, partly due to the mortification at being caught and partly due to the orgasm that was so rudely cut short. She yanks the throw from the chair next to the bed and wraps it haphazardly around herself, even though no one can see her anymore.
From the tablet, she can hear Taehyung go, in an annoyed voice, âWhat? Do you want to watch or something?â, followed by the other person - itâs Jungkookâs voice - going âSorry, sorry, oh, my God -â and the sound of the door closing.
Dilara still doesnât move, not until she hears Taehyungâs voice call her name.Â
âIs he gone?â she asks, gingerly climbing back onto the bed and keeping herself covered.
âYeah.â Taehyungâs pants are hitched back up around his hips and he looks just as exasperated and disappointed as she feels, though seemingly minus the embarrassment. âSorry⌠Namjoon broke the lock to my room and Jungkook just - whatâs the word? Like, came in suddenly -â
âBarged in,â she mutters, settling back up in front of the camera. âYou guys really need to learn how to knock.â
âWe really do,â he agrees. He tilts his head apologetically, as though trying to gauge her exact mood. âAre you okay?â
âI am. I think JK was more traumatised than either of us, though,â she adds, cracking a small smile. Taehyungâs eyes twinkle, and they both burst out laughing.
â
One, two, three and four! Five and six, seven and -
Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut as the next step slips his mind. He forces himself to focus, humming Dionysus under his breath to keep his mind trained solely on the choreography, recalling every step and every movement and every muscle and every expression -
Oh, God⌠Iâm - Iâm closeâŚ
He grunts in annoyance as he turns on the shower in his bathroom, starting the routine from the beginning in his mind. He needs to focus - on Dionysus, on the Kyla Hanagami video heâd encountered on Instagram this morning, his gym routine today - on anything except his best friendâs girlfriend, naked and pleasuring herself.
His sheâs my friend, sheâs my friend mantra had been working ever since Taehyung had said it, and Jungkook had managed to convince himself that thatâs all it was. He loves his friends, all his friends, and she was just that, a friend, a close friend, a close naked friend whose ribs jutted out just the tiniest bit as her back arched, whose tanned legs and small feet involuntarily pointed and dug into the covers as her voice got higherâŚ
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
But the damage is done. He covers his face with his hands as the hot water falls from the shower; the choreography to Dionysus or whatever the hell heâd been trying to recall is clean out of the window by now. The image of Dilara, so naked and so hot and so insanely beautiful is burned into his mind and he doesnât imagine it can ever leave.
Itâs so wrong. It was so wrong of him to even catch a glimpse of it, accidental as it had been; it was so wrong to be unable to forget it, and itâs so wrong of his cock to be so hard in his hand right now.
Sheâs my friend. Sheâs my friend. Sheâs myâŚ
The mantra continues, but it settles somewhere far behind in his mind, a different sort of instinct taking over. His hand moves of its own accord and he exhales softly, knowing he canât stop now. Sheâs my friend that I accidentally saw naked, his mind tries to amend weakly, even as he sees only one thing behind his closed eyes.Â
Her high-pitched whines, ones he can hear ringing in his ears, mix with his lower, quicker, more frustrated grunts. His hand goes up to the wall for support as he reaches his climax, spilling over his fingers until heâs spent. He opens his eyes slowly, watching the evidence of his slip wash away into the drain.Â
His heart starts to slow down as he realises what heâs just done, and his stomach sinks low into his body.
â
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⨰ summary: You wake up in yet another unfamiliar place. This time, however, these strangers seem to recognize you. With your previous judgments and aspirations thrown out the window, you're now forced to face where your loyalties really lie. Who will you betray? And which General will you choose to stand by his side?
⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15
⨰ warnings: profanity, gruesome depictions of the war, death, blood
⨰ wordcount: 5.8k
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â§â§Many, Many Circas Agoâ§â§
âOn your left!â Jungkook roared over the din of cries on the battlefield. He valiantly swung his sword, catching several Solarian limbs in the process, and sliced right through them as if they were made of paper. Mangled bodies crumpled to the floor, writhing as paper tended to in flames. He marched on, leaving his enemies to die, covered in blood that wasnât his.
Swerving right, you narrowly missed a ball of fire, no doubt aimed at your head. It wouldâve killed you had Jungkook not warned you. But on the battlefield, there was never any time to express gratitude, for one misstep, one second of wasted time could be fatal. Before the enemy could attack you again, you twisted your torso, eyes squinting as you concentrated on their limbs. In seconds, they turned into jelly. The Solarian soldier collapsed into a miserable, trembling heap, fear overtaking their features as their quivering eyes landed on the silver insignia on your black uniformâsuch a symbol only a General would be fit to wear. Their look of fear spoke to you. Please donât kill me.
You turned your head.
Never look a helluvian straight in the eyes, Jungkook told you so many times before.
The first time heâd said that you and Hajin had been curious. But why? youâd asked in unison. The two of you had been so naĂŻve then, inexperienced to the real atrocities of war.
Itâll humanize them, Jungkook had answered. Itâs easier if you donât think of them as people.
You walked away from the pleading soldier, sparing their life at the moment, but knowing their death was imminent. They had nowhere to run, for there was an entire unit of Darlaean soldiers right behind them. Guilt ripped through your guts, but you swallowed it just as you usually did. If Jungkook could walk away so easily, you should be able to, too.
You caught up to your lieutenant, who, despite the grueling hours already spent on the field, only had a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. If he werenât drenched in othersâ blood, it wouldâve been hard to believe he was at war. Jungkook glanced at you from his peripheral vision and nodded to himself as if he were glad you were left unscathed from your last encounter. Then he was off again, his sword glinting in the afternoon sunlight, his sapphire radiant amongst the sea of deep red and black uniforms. He always moved as if he saw ten steps aheadâperhaps he truly did.Â
âOn your right!â you called in caution.Â
Yet, the Solarian youâd warned about was already writhing on the ground by the time you finished your sentence. Jungkook gave you a knowing look. Thanks anyway.
You and your lieutenant ventured further into the battlefield, working in perfect tandem and paving a path for the rest of your army. You had no need for weaponsânor did you prefer them. So, you stuck to your maskings, which were temporary and meant to be innocuous. It was stupid, of course, to think that you were mitigating the Solariansâ pain by masking their limbs into jelly or their scarlet uniforms into stone. They would die anyway. But you just couldnât do it. It was selfish and cowardly; yet, even the thought of having someone elseâs blood on your hands made you feel sick. You couldnât look anyone in their eyesâSolarian or notâand kill them. How could you? They were people tooâpeople who just happened to be wearing a different uniform. They, too, would have loved ones to go back to after the battle was over. They, too, would mourn the deaths of the fallen once the rust-colored dust settled. They, too, would antagonize the very people who dared to take the lives of their brave ones. Yes, it was naĂŻve to think you, the General of the Darlaean Army, could get away without spilling blood on her handsâyou knew that. You also knew your refusal to kill was to satiate your own sense of morality. But knowing that you werenât the direct cause of anyoneâs demise gave you peace of mindâthe kind that allowed you to sleep better at night and maintain your appetite.Â
Jungkook, on the other hand, didnât mind a bit of bloodshed.Â
âMove!â he shouted. Even amongst the roar of the battle, you could hear his booming voice, devoid of its usual silvery tone. He sent a forceful kick to a Solarian in his way, sliced their head off, and leaped into the three-way fight that Seokjin was on the verge of losing. Your poor comrade sported burn marks all over his sleek uniform and looked exhausted, though determined to persevere. Still, it was three against one; if Jungkook hadnât intervened, Seokjin would be dead.
In a flash, your lieutenant severed the limbs of one of Seokjnâs attackers and size-shifted the eyes of the other until they popped out of his skull. That gave Seokjin just enough time to duck the ball of fire of the third and deliver a killing kick to her head. Before the captain could express his gratitude, Jungkook was off again, moving swiftly with the wind, the only glint of color coming from the sapphire on his sword. Seokjin looked stunned for half a second, as one may when one was only seconds away from death, but he hastily resumed fighting, covering your blind spots. You, in turn, allowed Jungkook to take the lead.
The march back to base was a blur as usual. You carried an injured soldier on your back while Jungkook hauled two over each of his strong shoulders right next to you. There were casualties as usual, but they were much lower than expected. Even more miraculously so, you and Jungkook sustained no major injuriesâa remarkable feat, considering you had been on the front lines. But perhaps that was just beginnerâs luck, for you were the freshly made General and her lieutenant.
Your officials didnât have to tell you the battle was a success for you to know it.Â
âI heard you guys killed it!â Hajin said excitedly, grabbing two deviled eggs in each hand and shoving them in her mouth without chewing nearly as much as she should. The three of you were dining in your private quarters, which contrasted starkly with the barracks you were so accustomed to. Private quarters and an office came with your new title. Plus, extravagant food.
âIt did go pretty well,â you said, smiling. âBetter than expected. I just canât believe it. No deaths, minimal casualties⌠Who wouldâve thought?â
âWell, that new formation of yours was impenetrable. Absolutely no flaws at all,â Jungkook said as he sipped some wine. He was no longer using one of those half-rusted metal cups. Instead, the dark red wine sat in a beautiful crystal glass. His new title came with perks too. âSeokjin had a close call to death, though. If I hadnât intervened.â
âSeokjin?â Hajin snorted. âCaptain Kim?â
âIt was three against one,â Jungkook said. âI had to help him out.â
âI bet heâs going to worship you now,â Hajin snorted. âMaybe heâll worship you more than he worships Y/N.â
âOh, come on,â you said. âHeâs just a dedicated.â
âCome to think of it, he thanked me after the battle for saving his life and offered to shine my shoes for me.â Jungkook stared down at his feet. âBut my shoes are always clean.â
âWell, did you tell him that?â Hajin asked as she took another deviled egg from the plate and took a gigantic bite.
âI did,â Jungkook said. âBut he seemed insistent on assisting me in some way, so I let him wash a few of my uniform sets.â He smiled. âY/Nâs right. Heâs dedicated. What a great guy.â
Hajin leaned back in her seat, grinning so widely you could nearly see her entire front row of teeth. âIâm so glad weâre still doing this,â she said with a content sigh. âYou know, our late-night dinners.â
âAnd weâll never stop,â you said. âI look forward to them every night.â
âAs do I,â Jungkook said with a soft smile.Â
The candles in your private quarters flickered, and the breeze from your open window helped the floral scent of the melted wax permeate through the room. It was a cool night, one that made you feel extra warm inside of your quarters. And in that moment, sitting with your loved ones, talking with them over dinner and drinks, you realized that youâd finally accepted your position. You were the General of the Darlaean Army. And you were no longer worried about it.Â
But with this much power came a mountain of responsibility. You were determined to change Darlae for the better, as Instructor Shin always believed you would. And now you had the means to, for you commanded hundreds of thousands of soldiers who risked their lives in your name as well as the nationâs.Â
It was strange. Before you were the General, you felt meek and never quite enough, but as soon as you assumed your new title, you morphed into a different person. Perhaps General Son did see your inner potential when he chose you. Or perhaps you didnât want to fail him when heâd put so much faith in you. So, when all eyes were on you, believing in you, you realized that you had no other choice but to be who they wanted you to be. And instead of that being exhausting, it awakened a part of you that you didnât know existed.
You shifted the funds, spending hours attempting to make the math work to provide better meals for your soldiers. By the end of the circa, the kitchens were bustling with royal chefs you and Hajin handpicked from the 12th city. Gone were the sad, dry variations of meat, bread and corn that sometimes left the soldiers going to bed still hungry, and in came roast ducks and pigs, delicious, crumbly pastries, and sweet, fresh fruits.Â
When you realized some soldiers werenât getting adequate sleep, you strictly banned your officials from giving their subordinates work to do after hours. Within weeks, you saw improvements in training performances. You were generous with giving soldiers free leave as well. When Taehyungâs sister grew seriously ill, you comforted him and offered him ample leave. He cried happy tears. When his sisterâs condition grew worse, you had her looked after by your private team of healers; they never had much to heal for you, anyway.
When you stepped into the infirmary again after spending circas avoiding it, you realized how much of a shithole it wasâsmelled like one, too. Immediately, you sourced more healers from the 4th city, expanded the building itself, and added ventilation, which had been years overdue.Â
Every soldier you met, you tried to remember their name so that the next time you saw them, you could call them by it. You also insisted that others called you by your first name, for General Kwang felt far too removed from who you were. You were merely Kwang Y/N, who happened to lead the army. Your soldiers were also more than their titles, so you called them by their names, too.
You tried to visit the 12th city as much as you couldâto pay your respects to Hoseok and to occasionally facilitate the training program for adolescents. The cadets loved it when you rolled up to the castle gates in your fancy carriage. They would always crowd around you, telling you about their latest training and duels. You knew every one of their names, and if there was a face you didnât recognize, you asked for an introduction.
Every so often, you would have a speech prepared for the cadets. You talked about your experience in the Training Corps, your hopes and dreams when you were their ageâthough most of them werenât that much younger than you. You loved the bright looks in their eyes when they listened to you speak. It was as if somehow, your words were inspiring them. That, in turn, inspired you to visit them more often; they were the future of the army, after all.
But things werenât always so perfect. Outwardly, you were the charitable General who single-handedly shifted the cutthroat army into a place of unity and understanding. You were on par with Guseul to some, though you couldnât find that believable. You were simply human, not a legend who founded an entire nation. In the end, all of these good deeds came at your expense.
You lost sleep over brainstorming new ways to improve the army. When you werenât fighting, approving battle plans and signing documents, you were memorizing your soldiersâ names and worrying over their wellbeing. Even when you were driven back to the 12th city to relax, the war was still on your mind. You couldnât escape it.
Whatâs worse, your relationship with Jungkook took its first rocky turn.
He stood in front of your desk, arms crossed and frowning. You were sitting in your chair, looking up at him, pleading with him to be reasonable.
âItâs not setting a good example,â he told you, crossly. Youâve never seen him frown at you like that before. âIâm trying to help you,â he said. âAs your Lieutenant General, Iâm giving you advice.â
âBut I canât, Jungkook,â you said. âI canât just kill...â
âDonât you understand?â he said, running a frustrated hand up his hair. âYouâre killing them anyway if youâre leaving them immobilized on a damn battlefield.â
âBut they could still survive,â you countered desperately.
Jungkook gave you a look. âYou know thatâs not how the war works.â
He was right. He was so painfully right. But⌠âItâs⌠Itâs my moral code, Jungkook. I just⌠I canât kill someone because they were born in another nation that we happen to be at war with. What did they ever do to me? Theyâre only attacking me because they were ordered to. Because Iâm wearing black and theyâre wearing red. Please, canât you understand?â
Jungkook scoffed, shaking his head. âI donât think you understand,â he said, his voice cold. You never heard him speak like that; it made you feel so small, so stupid. âOur soldiers fight not because they were told to but because of passion. Because of hatred. Why do you think so many of us use light magic? They are motivated to march into battle, to kill the enemy because they believe those fucking helluvians are the scum of the earth. If you spare them in battle, if you show them mercy, your practices will bleed into your soldiersâ heads. They will begin to believe that these, these helluvians deserve to see kindness. Theyâre going to lose their passion, their hatred, their motivation. They will lose their will to fight. Do you understand?â
âButââ
âWe have no choice but to continue to create propaganda that slanders the Solarian name. I would even argue that we must increase it to heighten morale.â
You shook your head, your hands gripping onto the edge of your desk. âBut you donât even believe in that sort of propaganda. Do youâŚ?â
Jungkook gave you a long, hard look. He didnât have to say anything for you to know his answer.Â
âBut you told me,â you said. âYou once told me that I donât have to kill. That with my⌠my talent, I wouldnât need to.â
Jungkook didnât even flinch. âThat was before you became the General of the Darlaean Army,â he said. âBefore you had any influence.â
Before you had any influence⌠Of course when you were a nobody, you could do anything you wanted on the battlefield; no one was watching. But now that you were the General, expectations were different. There were always people watching. It was a good point. Yet⌠âI donât knowâŚâ you whispered. âI really donât knowâŚâ
He only sighed. âSleep on it,â he said. âBut not for too long. Iâll still be expecting you at dinner.â
You showed up to dinner that day, not having made up your mind. Then, you proceeded to sleep on it for many, many weeks. In the end, nothing was done. You continued to have mercy on the Solarians you met on the battlefield, which you knew disappointed Jungkook, but maybe you were weak. Maybe you were selfish. Maybe you were a coward. Even after all of those battles youâve been on, you were never able to shake that fear out of you. So you couldnât do it. And if your soldiers couldnât do it either, you wouldnât blame them. Jungkook never asked about it again.
More battles flew by. You saw mostly victories, a few losses and many casualties, but your soldiers were resilient. They absorbed the new charms you developed and deployed them on the battlefield with ease. They learned the formations you assigned to them and executed them flawlessly. When they were hurt, they took their generous leave, but always came back, looking to serve their nation once again. You worked hard to support their ambitions, though with the tides of the war turned so far over in the Darlaeansâ favor, there was more room to breathe, which equated to more free time.Â
Your dress collection began to grow. You spent odd hours in the night sketching your latest designs in your precious leather-bound notebooks and then masking them into gowns that were your exact size. You played around with fabrics: silk, velvet, cotton, lace, wool, satin. You experimented with different lengths and gowns for all sorts of occasions. The collection expanded so large that you had two other wardrobes built just to fit your chambers in the 12th city.Â
Your wardrobe was rather small in the 1st city, understandably so, so you often rotated your gowns when visiting the 12th. There was a different dress for every occasion, every dinner meeting, every royal event. When you werenât fighting in the war and leading official meetings, you discarded the rather drab Darlaean uniform, which you didnât dare change for any other than legacy reasons. You didnât mean to have fashion attached to your name, but it was inevitable with the meticulous way you chose to dress yourself. Your clothes told your storyâeach one mindfully made and woven with your emotions.
The lavender gown with sage ribbons evoked a sense of nostalgia when you donned it, for it was one of the very first gowns you successfully created. It reminded you of your training program daysâbefore you went to war, before your military titles and the whole nation knowing your name. Things were much simpler then, which had manifested itself in the gown; though beautiful and flowy, it was rather plain in design. Yet, the intricate colors resembling springtime sprigs of grass and pretty lilac blossoms made up for it.Â
The cotton garnet-hued dress tasted of bloodâthe aftereffects of your first victory as the Darlaean General. Inspired by the sea of red uniforms you faced and immobilized, the gown reeked of death, and yet just the faintest bit of triumph. The material was akin to the Solarian uniform: cotton, breathable, and perhaps a little shapeless. It had been a materialization of your fears on the battlefieldâthe fires, the blood, the Solarians. You never wore it, for it resembled the Solarianâs style and Jungkook wouldnât approve, so it sat in the back of your wardrobes in the 12th city.
Then there was that sleek, silvery gown youâd crafted with soft tufts of fur around the neckline. This was an experimental one when you were playing around with the juxtaposition of contrasting materials. While you didnât quite like the outcome, Jungkook did. He would always run his fingers over the fur, eyes glinting with longing. So, on one of his birthdays, you fashioned him a majestic cape made of similar material. He wore it everywhere, and especially to battleâsomething about enjoying the looks of horror on the Solarianâs faces when they realized he donned real animal fur.
The gowns that you did enjoy wearing, you often twirled around in them in front of your mirror, watching the hems flutter and the colors blend together like the wind. Sometimes, you had an audienceâusually Jungkook and Hajinâwho would give you second opinions on your designs. Though Hajin was never quite as interested in fashion as youâand occasionally Jungkookâshe was still supportive. When she could, she asked you to configure her gowns for fancy events she was forced to attend as the crown princess. The budgets were glorious for the royal family, so you always enjoyed a worry-free day shopping for fabrics in the 3rd city, never checking the price. You spent countless hours fitting your newest creations on Hajin as her lady-in-waiting fussed over her hair and makeup.Â
One such event you diligently prepared Hajin for was the Harvest Ball, a celebration in the 12th city in honor of the fruitful harvest in the 4th. You remembered this simple moment so vividly. The ball had been so suffocating that you, Hajin and Jungkook managed to sneak out to the Sapphire Lakeâafter you shook the hands of the nobility and gave your scripted speech.Â
You could imagine how odd the three of you looked in your formal wear, sitting at the edge of the undulating waters, extravagant clothes soiled by the damp sand. You were wearing your beautiful navy dress that day, the silk one where the skirt rippled like the waves of the lake. An intricate silver circlet sat on your head, complementing the sparkling diamond around your neck. Hajin wore a deep purple chiffon dress youâd fashioned for her, a smooth velvet ribbon wrapped tightly around her waist, much to her disdain. She looked like a true princess with her silver tiara, ruby earrings and delicate necklace. Jungkook was always quite fashionable, and today was no different. He wore his usual slacks, which accompanied the silk and navy button-up youâd masked for the occasion. It was adorned with small sparkling jewels fit for a Lieutenant General. Draped over his shoulders was his fur cape, and tucked into his belt was his sword. He looked fiercely handsome, though you supposed he always did.Â
It was peaceful and quiet as the three of you caught your breath after the rather suffocating social scene. You could see the gentle puffs of air leave your mouths from the Circa Amethyst cold. Winter was shedding, though the chilliness seemed to linger. Hajin was the first to break the silence.
âWell, that was a show,â she said with a laugh. âI canât believe there was a line to talk to you, Y/N!â
You couldnât believe it yourself. âI thought the attention wouldâve been on the 4th city healers,â you said. âTheyâre the ones we should be thanking for the bountiful harvest.â
âAh, but food is guaranteed for the nobles,â Jungkook says. âTheyâre always more interested in the war.â
âI think they made that pretty clear today,â Hajin snorted. She sunk back on her elbows to stare far out into the lake as sand clung to her sleeves. âDo you guys remember when I begged you to explore the Blackwoods?â
âYouâre not going to beg us again today, are you?â Jungkook asked. Though his tone was serious, he was smiling.
âOf course not!â Hajin said. âCome on, Iâm trying to be nostalgic, here,â she teased, reaching in front of you to playfully shove Jungkookâs left shoulder. âWe sure were rowdy.â
âWe?â Jungkook said incredulously.
âOh, shut up, Lieutenant High-Horse.â
âRemember when we used to skate on this lake?â you asked, trying to dissolve the play-fighting.
âYeah, and Jungkook would eat shit every time.â
âI appreciate you needing to resurface that detail,â Jungkook bit back sarcastically.
âOh, youâre very welcome.â
They were snarkier than normal today, perhaps paying homage to the sweet, old memories the three of you shared in the Training Corps. Jungkook and Hajin had always loved to bicker. Though with age, they seemed to have grown out of it. Tonight was special, then, for they had reverted to their old antics. A wave of nostalgia came over you.
âWe were so young,â you said. It came out more wistfully than you imagined.
âWeâre still pretty young,â Hajin said. âYouth is a mindset!â she giggled.
âClearly,â Jungkook said.
âYou wouldnât understand, you grandpa,â Hajin retorted.
You had to laugh at that one. Jungkook shot you a look.
âSorry!â you said, stifling another laugh. âI guess I was trying to say weâve come so far.â
âThatâs true,â Hajin said. âWho wouldâve thought that I somehow befriended both the General and Lieutenant General?â She slumped into the sand, hands on her stomach as she stared up at the sky with a grin on her face. âI can just taste victory,â she said. âYou two have led us straight to it, all right. The war will be over soon.â She sat up excitedly, pumping her fist in the air. âWeâll punish every last one of those tree huggers for ever messing with the Jung Dynasty!â
Jungkook entertained her. âOh, really? What will you do once the war is over and every last one of the helluvians is punished?â
Hajin paused. âThatâs a good question, Lieutenant,â she said. âI never really thought about it. But I can think about it now! Lemme seeâŚâ She tapped her finger on her chin. âIâll start a Deviled Egg Ball every circa in my name. It shall be a national holiday. Letâs see⌠Iâd also spend some more time with my father. And I do hope theyâll let me continue to wear the Darlaean uniform because I wonât be able to last two days in gowns like these. Iâd also take volunteers on an expedition into the Blackwoods,â Hajin said, grinning. âI expect the two of you to come with me, by the way,â she added. âWeâll all be able to search for Guseulâs Hill!â
Jungkook looked at Hajin like she was crazy.
You were nicer. âLetâs discuss that when the war ends,â you said. âWe promise.â
Jungkook shot you a look that said, We???
Hajinâs grin grew wider at both your words and Jungkookâs expression. âIâll look forward to it!â
There was the familiar, yet ever-so-putrid stench of piss and blood. You saw dead bodies left and rightâbodies of which were missing their heads or various limbs. Some bodies had already been burned to ash and would soon mix with the blood and soil for the next unit of soldiers to trample over. Your soldiers were crying into the chargeâsome cried in pain while others cried for mercy. It shouldâve been a typical battle. Even with the few losses, you were supposed to emerge victorious. You were winning the war for fuckâs sake.
But in that moment, it felt like you lost everything.
Jungkook saw it at the same time you did.Â
She was lying on the ground, face up, her eyes empty yet wide open, a hole through her head.Â
First, there was the shock. It sizzled through your body and left it feeling scorched, sucked dry. Your legs threatened to give out. A distinct ringing in your ears came and never left.
Then, it was red. All you saw was red.
Was it rage? The blood? The fucking Solarian uniforms?
âY/N!â Jungkook yelled.
You ran.
The terrain was rugged from the fallen, your feet stumbling over severed limbs and still bodies. You slipped several times, and once, your ankle twisted unnaturally, but there was no pain. It was as if you couldnât feel anything. You didnât stop running until you knelt over her, grasping her still warm hands, pretending like she was only in a deep sleep and sheâd wake up any moment now.Â
âHajin,â you whispered, squeezing her hands. âHajinâŚâ
Warm blood trickled down from your forehead. You had no idea how it got there. It sunk into your vision, tinting it red. You tasted iron on your tongue. The droplets dripped from your chin. You wondered where the wailing, the bawling, was coming from until you realized it was from you.Â
Yet you couldnât stop screaming.
Fire hurtled at you. You only had half the mind to duck.Â
Someone was calling your name. He was grabbing your shoulder, trying to hoist you up. You fought him, staying on the ground, wrapping your arms around Hajinâs body, rocking back and forth and back and forth.
Another ball of fire careend your way.Â
You turned it into smoke with a desperate, clumsy wave of your hand.
The same someone mutilated your attacker, hot blood splattering everywhere, and yelled, âYouâll get yourself killed!âÂ
You barely heard him.
âH-HajinâŚâ
You held her close to your heart, fingers tangling into her matted hair, hoping that she would wake up, that the blood spilling from her head was a stupid illusion. Red. It was all so red. Your bloodied hand reached up to touch your necklace.
Hajin⌠Itâs so prettyâŚ.
Aw, donât cry! Everyone in my family has accessory trinkets. My fatherâs is his crown. My motherâs was a bracelet. Mineâs an earring. And now yours is a necklace. Isnât it beautiful? Dad thought a ring would be a better fit, but I argued against it. You like to fidget with your trinket, so I thought youâd lose it if it were a ring.
Your shaking hand tucked her dark hair behind her ear to reveal her trinket. The ruby earring had lost its shine as birthstones did when magic no longer coursed through the Darlaeanâs veins. You couldnât bear to look at it, so you let her short hair fall over her ear again.
Look! Look! A secret passageway! We have to explore it! How could this have been in my room all these years? How are we only finding this now? Maybe I shouldâve taken up reading earlier. Oh, Y/N, weâve got to go in there! Itâll be like the secret passageways in my summer home! Oh, what an adventure! I wonder what weâll find. Todayâs looking out to be adventurous after all. Come on!
W-Wait! Donât you think itâll be dangerous?
If it was dangerous, it wouldnât be in my room.
W-What if this is how your aunt disappeared?
Then we can finally solve that mystery! I can always go by myself!
Blood continued to spill out from the wound between her eyebrows, drenching your hands and uniform in red. Red. You were so fucking sick of it.Â
Itâs the Solarians. Theyâre murderers! The whole lot of them! Did you see the damage theyâve done in the infirmary? Weâve got to punish them, Y/N! Weâve got to get our vengeance! Weâll defeat those helluvians one day. We canât keep letting them get away with killing our people, Y/N! Not after what happened to my poor mother! Oh, I miss her, Y/N. Isnât it sad? She died on the battlefield when I was only four. I canât remember much, but she had my trinket made for me. See?
You buried your face in her hair, and though blood smeared on your face, you didnât care.
But guys, it can only go up from here! Seven battles in and⌠damn. I canât even explain it! Itâs like⌠Itâs like Iâm finally doing what Iâve always dreamed of doing! Every time I go out there, Iâm raining hell on those stupid helluvians, knowing Momâs watching me from somewhere, really fucking proud.Â
Guys, guys, guys⌠I just realized something! I swear, if I died now, I would be perfectly content.
A loud sob left your lips.
I think Iâve gotten everything Iâve wanted out of my life! Iâve killed some tree huggers, Iâve finally made it to the 1st city, and I even have two amazing bodyguards!
You failed her. You failed your best friend, the crown princess, and you failed her father, the Darlaean King, as well. What would he say? You didnât want to imagine the horror-stricken look on his face.Â
The least you could do was bring her body back with you.
âWhat the fuck are you doing??â
You grabbed onto her arms, pain shooting up your leg as you stood up. You swore it hadnât been there before. âI have to bring her back. I have to!â Your voice was so hoarse it was almost unrecognizable.
âAre you fucking insane?â
You ignored the voice. âRetreat!â you screamed. But that command was pointless, not without the violet smoke signal. The world was a blur. âRetreat!â
âY/N!â The voice was angry now. âDonât you dare order a retreat!â
âI have to!âÂ
âFuck, Y/N, you canât! Weâre so closeââ
âHelp!â you called to no one in particular. You began dragging her limp body towards the 1st city. Your leg was beginning to feel numb from the pain. âPlease, someone! Help!â
âWhatever you do, donât shoot the retreat signal! Iâll take care of things. Do you understand?â Your shoulders were grasped. âEither leave her or get out of here alive. Do you fucking understand?â
You were a sobbing mess, a mixture of blood, snot and tears all over your face. âYes,â you said.Â
âI canât cover for you,â he said.
âJungkookâŚâ
âSheâs already dead, Y/N. Thereâs nothing we can do.â
You were crying so hard that you couldnât breathe. But you continued to drag Hajinâs body across the battlefield. Your arms ached and your leg was threatening to give out, but you continued. You had to get her back. You owed it to the king. You owed it to her, too.
You were being targeted, but you lashed out at your attackers, immobilizing them by turning their uniforms into stone. You continued to move.
Someone grabbed Hajinâs legs and began helping you carry her across the field.
You didnât register who he was until minutes later. The kind face, the tousled hair, the soldier, your comrade, your friend, the one who had a boxy smile. âThank you,â you sobbed.
You nodded, letting go of Hajinâs arm momentarily to throw another hex at a Solarian soldier who dared to get too close.
âLetâs bring her back home, all right?â
You won the battle. But it didnât really matter.
The king fell to his knees when he saw his daughterâs still body.Â
And the entire world wept, it seemed, for Hajin was quite the beloved princess.Â
She was so young. Only 22.
Iâd take volunteers on an expedition into the Blackwoods. I expect the two of you to come with me, by the way. Weâll all be able to search for Guseulâs Hill!
Letâs discuss that when the war ends. We promise.
Iâll look forward to it!
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⨰ a/n: so.... another sad one! the next chapter is one of my favorites :') act II is the saddest act of the series, but don't worry! things get a lot more magical and romantic in the third. meanwhile, hang on and enjoy <3 the next update will be in a month (oct 25th, 2024)
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