Quick update + larger context for this blog
Heyyyy :-) Just wanted to update the folks on here and let you all know I’m doing very well. Edith and I are still together, in love, and she’s making Pinterest boards titled “💍👰♀️👰♀️”
This tumblr has been a loose documentation of our relationship, one I will likely export a copy of and save for myself to look back on when I’m older. This blog has documented essentially before, when I met her, and to now. Though perhaps not obvious to you, this blog has shown our ups, our downs, and reflected important moments of my life.
The guy featured in some of my stories is still around too :) For background, his presence over the past almost 2 years of our life has been a large narrative point in our relationship. It was kind of a meteor to our relationship. We literally referred to it as “The [His Name] Situation” for a long time. He went from background character to a very important person in our lives. We struggled with exactly what we wanted sexually, our dynamic, our routine, before this whole thing happened.
I identified as stone butch prior, not out of truthfulness to my identity, but as a pleasant alternative to addressing my gender dysphoria. Being someone that was a somewhat fem aligned NB felt wrong. But, when we met him and the feelings hit (and I mean HIT, like whacked us upside the head, dropped us and we hit every single fucking branch on the way down), I was forced to reckon with the fact that I didn’t want to be fucked like a woman.
Interestingly, after realizing I was transmasc, I swung VERY hard masc, my dysphoria was worse than ever. I started wearing a binder every day (which I still do), and feeling incredibly upset and disconnected from my genitals. I was questioning whether I might have been a trans man.
DISCLAIMER: I will not tolerate any rhetoric about detrans stuff. I am not making any statement on it. This was my personal journey and reflects only what I have experienced.
I learned that I was, in fact, okay with penetration as long as the person penetrating me didn’t see me as a woman. And he didn’t. He was utterly respectful and conscious of dysphoria. He affirmed my gender very much. He was even hesitant to touch my chest until I gave verbal consent. I’ve finally relaxed and fallen somewhere in the middle, leaning towards masc. I’ve very happy with how I feel now.
I’m endlessly pleased with how the situation has ended. We get to be close with him, without awkwardness. The relationship is meaningful and important to all of us, I think. It’s good. We’re happy, and our relationship is thriving.
I’ll probably still occasionally post on this blog, but I’m still always lurking. :-)
