there was no punch line

“You loved me when my hair smelled like strawberries in the Summer but you fell out of love when my hair started to smell like stale cigarettes in September, maybe that’s why you always liked to be alone when you smoked.. but I just wanted to feel your skin against mine at all times, I’m sorry. (I just like the way you tasted so I had to try it. Sorry that I got addicted, sorry that I couldn’t let you go. Sorry that I was so easy for you to quit even after all of the times that you said you couldn’t get enough.) You kissed me with liquor on your lips & pills under your tongue, so maybe there’s just a thin line between being addicted & being in love- maybe I was just a wide eyed girl with too much hope in boys like you so we sniffed that line before we could cross it.. but looking back, what’s the difference? (Because either way you still destroy me, even without your knuckles kissing my cheek, I still wake up with a headache and blood in my mouth that tastes like your name and I’ve heard withdrawing feels like dying, now I know what they mean.)”