Hopelessly Hopeful

Randomly stopped posting here for almost two years just cause I didn't felt posting anymore.

First full week of work has passed this year.

Well, technically. Since it's still the first month of the year, there's still not much work to do. However, I have been assigned to monitor an esports tournament for our employees. I volunteered for it since it's about esports and I'm quite fond of it event though the sports to be played was Mobile Legends which I don't play and know nothing of.

Then I realized it was quite a bad move on my part when I learned it's timeslot. The event was Monday-Wednesday which was until 7 pm. That means no gym for me. I didn't really needed to stay all throughout the event but I think as part of the working group of the event, it was my duty to at least support the event by being there all throughout the event.

Also, it was announced for our work's anniversary celebration, all newly hired workers (which includes those who got a permanent item) last year are required to perform.

So it was also beneficial for me to always stay and finish the esports event so I have a legitimate excuse not to attend our practices.

That didn't matter though since on Thursday, I attended our practice from 5 pm until 7:45 pm. Again, no gym for me which was a huge bummer. The only benefit of having one day of practice is that the choreographer and my teammates were more understanding of my mistakes of the dance steps.

Last Friday, we celebrated our work anniversary. It lasted until 9 pm. I didn't win any of the raffle prizes but at least I got to try those moving cameras that seem popular today.

I also rented a tuxedo for this event so I needed to shell out some money for that. At least they gave out some money for the celebration.

It was a huge bummer for me personally that I didn't get to go the gym last week, after completing my workout days a week prior to that.

Luckily, I feel productive today. I went back earlier to Manila today from Batangas since I needed to return the suit to avoid the penalty fee. And since I'm earlier, I went to the gym since I won't be able to go the gym this Wednesday because I'll have a date with Marianne. I also got to iron my clothes from the laundry.

Also, Rockets beat the Cavs back-to-back!

This post was brought upon by the death of our pastor at church. I don't even know if I'll be able to voice out all my thoughts here about death that I've been thinking for the past couple of days. Probably not.

I'll be the first to say that I do not have the closest relationship with him and I am personally not close to our church and its members. I myself have different beliefs regarding some core beliefs of Christianity and the bible. I think that's why I'm quite surprised myself that his death affected me this much.

He was a good man. I was not close to him but since my mother is very active member of our church, I am familiar with him and his family.

His death was so sudden. Based on the stories I've heard, he went to the church alone to setup a newly bought speaker. Some kids outside then saw him fall and immediately informed some adults of the situation. Someone then on the nearby vulcanizing shop called an ambulance to bring him to the hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival. From what I've heard, the cause of death was head trauma, most likely coming from his fall.

We went to his wake last Saturday. I was not able to hold back my tears when her sister came and broke down in tears.

I guess this just further proves my belief that when it's your time to go, it's time. I've heard from his wife that she initially advised him not to go since setting up the speaker is not urgent, but he still went. Who knows what could've been if our pastor was there with his wife?

But I guess having what ifs in these kinds of scenarios are meaningless. When death comes for you, no is not an answer.

I think a big reason why his passing affected me this much is that for at least about 15 years, he has been at least a constant part of my routine. Going to church weekly, seeing him. He was full of life. Kinda like how Kobe Bryant's death affected me, but this was to a much closer scale because I knew this person and this person knew me. To see someone full of life gone in an instant gives you a surreal, weird feeling.

It made me realize too how much immediate family members must be strong in these times. I couldn't imagine how his wife and daughter felt upon receiving the call that their husband and father was that. The amount of mental fortitude not to break down and go insane at that moment must be immense. Maybe they did break down at that moment, and I won't blame them one bit.

It also got me thinking how tough it is to deal with the aftermath. This hits much closer to home for me since like Gethsie, pastor's daughter, I am an only child. To deal with the aftermath like processing the documents, preparing the wake and burial, and dealing with all the people visiting must be truly difficult. Having to grieve on one hand and having the strength to manage those things in another must take a huge toll on them. I guess their faith in God truly helps them, or as a matter of fact it is the only thing keeping them together now.

It got me asking too, "What would be the better way to die? To die slowly of an illness so that your loved ones can prepare themselves or to go out quickly to save yourself from the suffering?" I don't have the answer right now and I don't even know how I would want my parents to go. It's quite morbid to think about it but for me personally, it's one of those things that I have to emotionally and mentally prepare when that time comes. And I know for a fact that no amount of preparation could prepare me for that.

Pastor's internment would be this upcoming Wednesday, which I would not be able to attend since I'm here at Manila for work.

For all the disagreements I have with the church, I could attest that he was a man of faith. Figuratively and literally offered his life for the church and his beliefs.

He embodied what it truly meant to serve Christ.

Nothing much happened this week, since it has just been five days of 2025.

Still a bummer though that my boss went to work for the first two days of work week. I thought he'd still be resting. Welp.

This upcoming week will just be pure adjustments.

After almost 3 weeks of vacation, I'd have to get to used to coming to work again. We have no work at January 9 because of a local holiday here so that's nice.

We have a new roommate here, so another person I'll have to get used to living with. Hopefully he's also a quiet one.

I'm excited to go back to the gym since Dec. 20 was the last time I was able to work out. I feel my fat cells storing up and my muscles shrinking lol

Getting kinda worried for my Rockets because of the upcoming brutal schedule and Jabari's injury which makes him out for 4-8 weeks. What a bummer especially I just bought a Sengun and an Amen jersey.

Well, that was quite a looong break from posting here.

Truth be told, it was a combination of being busy and being lazy. Being busy for the first few weeks of not posting here, then being lazy for the next ones. I intended to post here before the year ends as sort of year ender, since today is the last day of 2024.

We handed two major projects towards the end of the year and the weeks leading up to it was HELL. My mind and body (especially for the first project) was so exhausted. I won't like and say I didn't learn anything from those projects, especially because I headed a completely new committee for the first time for a major project, but what I felt was relief rather than accomplishment when it was finished. The second project was easier but there was still a lot of things to do. After those were finished, I was just running on fumes to finish work and looking forward to the holidays.

Now that is out of the way, I'd say 2024 was a blessed year for me.

It was the first full year of me being with Marianne. Although our relationship is far from perfect, she'd made be a better man and I'm lucky to have her. She makes me happy. I love you.

I finally got a permanent item at work. Took me more than 5 years, but here we are. Having an item at least ensures security at work and more bonuses.

I also spent Christmas for the first time away from my family because I spent it at Marianne's hometown. I'm thankful that her family accepted for almost a week.

I got bit by their house dog lmao but I got my shots so everything's good.

The Rockets are looking to enter the playoffs for the first time in 4 years, so that's really good. Though they lost their last two games in similar choking fashion so that's a real bummer to end the year.

I still suck but enjoy playing Tekken. Still raging but less now. Ending the year as a Tekken King with abysmal defensive stat.

My parents are still healthy and I still have my friends.

I'm thankful to God for this year. It hasn't been always easy but God has at least provided me the support I needed to push through.

Looking back at my previous year ender, I'd like to end it with the same quote since it looked like it was effective.

As for 2025, I will have the same sentiment I had last 2024 where I just hope for the best. As what Okabe said in my favorite anime Steins;Gate, “No one knows what the future holds, that’s why its potential is infinite.”

There’s no other way to put it but I was just stressed in general these past few weeks where I haven’t been posting here.

Work has just been so tiring, especially that one of my co-workers has finally resigned and the project that she was handling was assigned to me. Luckily the files that she turned over were easy to understand. Still, that’s another task.

I’m involved two big projects at work as a secretariat, so I’m heavily involved in preparations. Those two has been stressing the fuck out of me.

In some sort of blessing in disguise, I guess, and my boss at least noticing that I am overloaded, he has delegated some tasks to two of my other workmates. This was also because last week, I was not present in our office because I was in an official work travel for another project (different from the two I’ve mentioned above).

So that’s work. Tomorrow, I’m literally on another work travel and we’ll be flying to Puerto Princesa for preparations for one of the two projects I’ve mentioned.

I’ve mentioned on my last post that we’ll be transferring to a new place. We’ve already transferred and at least the place is quite spacious. It’s a lot farther from my work compared to our previous place but at least it’s still walkable from here, barring any heavy rains.

My girlfriend was also on a trip this week but it’s for leisure. I was also quite stressed about it these last two days, and I’ve already mentioned to her we’ll talk about it on Friday.

That would actually be a good post to talk about but I figured matters in relationships are best talked with each other first.

That was quite a week.

First things first. Marianne and I celebrated our first anniversary last Thursday. Work was suspended in our area since there were heavy rains going on for a couple of days. Luckily, the floods in our area has subsided on that day so we were able to go out and celebrate.

Marianne, I love you.

Speaking of the rains, we had a two and a half days of suspension of work because of it. Wednesday was the worst where the area around us were flooded. Fortunately, my roomie cooked food so I didn't need to go out that time.

This week is our last week here at our condominium, and yet, we still haven't found a place to transfer to. Not looking forward to our new place no matter how better looking it will be, as our place right now is just literally across my workplace and besides the gym I got to. Besides, my routine will change now and I love my routine.

Welp, that's life.