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@honorarytenenbaum
I don't have time for sex, I'm too busy running a blog that only 11 or 12 people care about

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Bottle Rocket â Intermission III
Intermission II
Six
Relationship: Tommy Lee!AU x black!OC âEzraâ
Warnings: angst, feels, graphic language, 18+
A/N: Iâve been working on this fic for months!! And finally, finally, finally itâs here. Posted. And Iâm very pleased with how it came out. First fic of 2026. Letâs fuckin go.
What does he even see in her? Ezra constantly asked herself when it came to Tommyâs choices in girlfriends. She hadnât met one she liked it yet. Especially this new one, ughâŚstuck up bitch. He sure knew how to pick them. Solely based off their rank in popularity and their rumored promiscuity, they got to hang off his arm, his every derpy word, so happy to be the rockstarâs girlfriend. She couldnât stand being on the sideline watching them galavant around school like they made any sense as a couple. She was disgusted, absolutely wrecked over this one.
This new one didnât like her at all, so Tommy was busy keeping Ez at a distance. Only acknowledging her at home before or after schoolâŚif he wasnât with the stuck up bitch doing whatever the fuck. Her dad would watch her sulk around the house, blasting The Cure through her headphones, resist the urge to look out the window for his car. She missed him so much when he was caught up in his goofy ass relationships. Missed the smell of his hair, his long lanky arms around her shouldersâŚsitting on her bed with his acoustic guitar, trying to learn a song by ear. These dumb bitches taking her best friend away. Some of his girlfriends would try to be cool and make nice, secure with her being his best friend. But most of them were trying to take Tommy away from her out of complete envy, although they never wanted to admit it. She was no dummy though, she knew what kind of games girls liked to play. They may have him for a little while, but they could never replace or replicate what he had with Ezra.
âEarth to Ezra,â Jasâs hand waved in front of her vacant glare as she took a seat beside her, âCome in EzraâŚâ
She snapped to with a big sad sigh, jabbing her fork into her hot lunch, snarling her lip at Tommy throwing his arm around his dumb girlfriendâs shoulders and tugging her into his side. Like he used to do to her. She huffed a hard side and shoved a bite into her mouth, viciously chewing as she jabbed her fork back onto her tray.
Staring at the side of her best friendâs mean mug, she snort and shook her head. âYou better chill, or your face is going to get stuck like that.â
âWhateverâŚâ Ezra smacked her lips, pulled her gaze off them and dropped it down to her fork stabbing and pushing her food around.
Jas bugged her eyes, twisted the cap off her Coke. âI donât think Iâve ever seen you this jealous of any of his girlfriends before.â
She was right. Ez was at the height of her crush on Tommy so this one was really, really hard on her. Things were going really well with him, like all warm loving smiles and laughter and longing eyes over stacks of records. Cute shit like that. She really thought maybe, just maybe, he was finally coming around, finally on the same page as her, like he was really looking at her differently. But then one random ass day, she happened to hitch a ride to school with Jas, and as they were walking across the student parking lot, Tommy was pulling in with that girl in his passenger seat. He had quite the history of just magically appearing in a new relationship without any headâs up. Seeing her step out of his car though, after weeks of him and his heart eyes, hit way harder than all the other times he surprised her with a new bitch. Ezra had to suck down all her anger, her sadness and act completely unfazed as she watched her reach for his hand, kissed him on the cheek. Hurt beyond words, but had to act like the cool bestie. Jealous?
âI wouldnât say jealousâŚâ Her head shook as she shrugged, expanded with a wave of her hand, âDisturbed. Irked.â
âEither wayâŚnever seen you look like thatâŚâ she chuckled dryly, pointing at her expressive brow. Ezra couldnât control her face if she tried. A cursed giftâŚ
âHe doesnât even look my wayâŚâ She sighed as she ignored Jasâs comment and cradled her chin in the palm of her hand, thinking aloud, âHate how invisible he makes me feelâŚâ
Hearing how sad she just sounded had Jas pinching a scowl. âUmâŚhave you told him?â
Going back to her lunch, she somberly muttered, âNoâŚitâs pointlessâŚâ
When Tommy was in, he was in, and with this new girlfriend, he was waaaay in. Sure she was really pretty, but she also really fuckin sucked. Like was popularly known as one of the meanest girls in school. That was most of his girlfriendsâ vibe though. Insanely pretty with an ugly personality to match. She didnât get how he put up with their stuck up ass attitudes. Didnât get why those were the girls he publicly went after when he had the perfect girl beside him already. Ezra was so fuckin confused, but so in love with him, just dying for him to realize what was right in front of him.
Twisting the cap back on, Jas pitifully shook her head. âI think you should. Besides, itâs so fuckin shitty of her to tell him not to talk to you.â
He necessarily didnât agree to her terms but, he didnât like the way she would treat Ezra, so he had to. Most would try to get along. She, on the other hand, was too jealous of Ez and Tommy, and didnât like the chatter that circulated around about their relationship. A lot of Tommyâs friends suspected something either had happened, or was happening between them. And there were so many rumors about Tommy and Ezra secretly messin around. They were just too close, too familiar, how could they not? Their friends speculated all sorts of shit. Even when he would be in a relationship, classmates would whisper and side eye him like what the fuck was he doing? It was a trip, how some kids she hardly knew or talked to was âTeam Ezraâ, or whispered about them like they were some sort of celebrity couple. And due to the unwelcomed limelight, some girls who liked Tommy really didnât like her, and wasnât afraid to make it known. Oh wellâŚher time was gonna come, of course, just like the others. And Ezra will still sadly be there, by his side, as the tormented love sick best friend.
She forcefully stabbed her fork into her food, grumbled, âSheâs a hatin ass, insecure ass bitch. So I wouldnât expect anything less.â
They fell silent as they ate their lunch, took turns shooting glares in their direction, studying the spectacle that was Tommyâs new relationship. Itâd only been a few weeks and they were acting like theyâd been dating for months. All over each other. Enough PDA to make you wanna gag she was cuttin up, and it didnât make a lick of sense. She was used to dating football players, jocks and jerks that type, and Tommy associated with the type of crowd she and her friends made fun of. In that obnoxious, âyou think youâre cool, but weâre coolerâ look down on each other kinda way. So how the two of them even crossed paths was a mystery. Those two were a walking question mark.
âWhat does he see in her anyway?!â Jas abruptly erupted, slapping her hand down on the table, taking Ezra completely by surprise. âSheâs such a fuckin bitch! She doesnât even like his music!â
Some girls near by stared at her like, what the fuck, then busted out laughed as Ezra put her hand over her bestieâs. Where did all that even come from? âJasâŚâ
âIâm just saying, fuck her!â She shouted and pointed, and the girls sharing the table followed the direction of her finger and laughed even harder because she was right. They seemed to be on their side. Ez waved a dismissive hand at them, tried to contain her outraged friend. She didnât want a scene. âAnd fuck him for what heâs doin to you Ez!â
âJas, Jas chill.â She shushed, afraid that she was actually loud enough to gain their attention. Ezra had a reputation to uphold, and Jas ready to pop off in him was going to ruin that. She didnât need everyone in school aware of how she really felt about their relationship. Let them come up with their own assumptions, fine, but Ezra had nothing to contribute to the conversation.
âHeâs a fuckin pussy!â Her fingers snapped, her eyes rolled. âHeâs so fuckin lucky I love you or Iâd air all his shit out!â
The girls âAmenâ with mighty snaps of their fingers, and Ezra sighed, side eyeing them from across the table. âJas, we know this, but airing his shit out wonât change a damn thing.â She looked back at him kissing her for everyone to see, and slightly shook her head. âHeâs a boy. Heâs dumb, blinded by shiny pretty things. Thinking with his dumb dick. Thatâs it.â
Tommy may never come to terms with his actual feelings; Ezraâs accepted that after the third or fourth girlfriend. And she knew that eventually these horrid feelings for him would fade and she could be just his best friend again. At least, that was what she hoped for. Sometimes sheâd look up at him and think sheâd love him forever. But then the thought of her being stuck in this role for the rest of her life would churn her stomach, bring her back down to earth a bit. She couldnât imagine living out her life like that. Pining after Tommy into her old age? God please no.
Jas went back to her lunch with a hard frustrated huff, completely unaware she had been preaching to a small choir. âI really donât know how you do it. Go on acting like everythingâs totally fine when you know heâs lying to himself, playing you like youâre so fuckin naive. I would have snapped by now.â
Ezra silently chuckled to herself as she reached into her bag to pull out the reason why she hadnât. Her big secret weapon to keeping her grounded in the madness. Holding it up between them, she announced, âThis. This is whatâs keeping me from losing my shit on Tommy.â
She curiously plucked the decorated spiral notebook from her fingertips with a pleased smirk. âEzraâŚare you writing?â Ezra could see the joy in her face as she looked over all the stickers and artwork. The scribbled pages fan her astonished face the moment she realized what she was reading. âAbout Tommy?!â
Itâd been a well kept secret for a while now, and sheâd been waiting for the right moment to tell her best friend what sheâd been up to. âEh, something like thatâŚâ
âWaitâŚâ Her jaw dropped the second she realized not only was she just writing her feelings, but, âSongs?! Youâre writing songs about Tommy?!â
âYeaaaah,â Ezra nervously laughed as she watched her excitedly read and flip through her notebook. âI meanâŚI had to do something and you know I like to play sooooâŚâ
She couldnât believe it, her happy eyes scanning over the lined pages. âOh Ez, I love this. I love this so much. This is so fuckin amazing.â Jas was way more excited than she expected her to be, brushing her fingers over her sullen words in utter awe. âThis is so good for you. Like really good.â
âIt helps,â Ezra modestly shrugged, because it really had. Channeling it all through her guitar was her greatest creative outlet, and her dad couldnât be more pleased that his musical talents had rubbed off on his only child.
An idea struck Jas as she clapped her hands, slapping the spiral shut. âOh my god, have you thought about performing?! I bet the emo girls would love your music!â
The idea of pouring her heart out to strangers sent Ezra into a conniption. âOh. No way Jas.â
âYes!â She gleefully retorted, envisioning her performing at one of those eclectic hole in the wall bars in town. But Ezra wasnât writing for any other reason than to heal herself. That was it.
âNo. No this is for me and only me.â Her head shook, taking her spiral back from her to hide it away. Maybe sheâd fucked up a little by showing her because now she was letting her imagination run wild. Jas couldnât believe that she wouldnât take the opportunity to really purge her feelings by belting them out for a room full of strangers. She could really play and had the voice to match, she knew that, so she was sure Ez would be an amazing performer.
âThink youâre missing out on something big here Ez. Angsty girl punk could be big for youâŚâ
It could, Ezra snorted to herself. She was very much aware. She just wasnât ready for that yet. âI love you but no.â
Too late. Jas was long gone, lost in her âpunk rock Ezraâ daydream. âOh. Oh manâŚI can see it now. You on stage, belting into the mic and the crowd eating it up. Then, from the shadows, a teary eyed Tommy appears in awe of you. Ugh it would be so damn hot manâŚâ
Ezra fell into hysterics, cracking up laughing at the insane scene she just painted. âYouâre so dumb. Thatâd never happen.â
âHey,â Jas pointed, âAnything can happen.â
âTommy will never see this notebook, never hear these words aloud. Honestly, I should burn itâŚâ
Ezra carelessly mentioned, half joking, but Jas didnât care for that. âWhat?! You canât do that!â She guffawed, then coyly smirked, leaning over to whisper, âWhat would you show your kids when they ask about your first love?â
She laughed out harder as she pushed Jas away. âNothing. Everything Tommy related must burn.â
Jas didnât find that shit funny at all. She was all serious again, back stiffening as her smile fell. âThatâs so not funny Ez,â but she playfully wiggled her brows, nudged her side with a couple winks, but Jas wouldnât even feign a grin. âSeriouslyâŚnot funny dudeâŚâ
Ezra couldnât stand when Jas was all whimsy about her and Tommy. She didnât need to hear that right now, she almost rolled her eyes. âOoookaaaay. Okay JasâŚâ
Out of nowhere, she was jabbing her elbow into Ezraâs side, whispering, âOh shit, oh shit theyâre coming this way.â
His arm around her shoulders and herâs around his waist, they strutted toward their table, acting as if they couldnât feel Jas and Ezraâs hot glares pierce through them. They always weirded them the hell out. As they neared, Ezraâs glare thinned and focused solely on the stuck up girlfriend, hoping she could feel how much she couldnât stand her ass. She couldnât wait for her to be gone, forgotten about just like the others. She probably hoped Tommyâd write a song about her, or be one of those girls backstage watching him play or some dumb shit like that. Probably hoped that she could be the girlfriend when he made it big. Ezra despised girls like that, and that was all Tommy could get. They fed his ego, made him look good. Thatâs it. Why did he need them to be of substance, of something real. They were just characters, playing some role they believed they needed to be to be with him. Tommy was only real with Ezra. They were the only thing that was real.
As he passed their table, Tommy briefly met her glare, like for a milliseco, and kept on walking like it was nothing. Once he was gone, she held her eyes closed, let that rejected feeling roll off her tense shoulders, then looked back at the assholes over her shoulder. He wouldnât dare speak or acknowledge her presence or nothing, which made his stuck up girlfriend so smug, so proud she just had to kiss him on the cheek. And that made Ezraâs blood fuckin boil. Oh dear God if she could just grab that bitch by the back of her hair⌠But nope, no she had to stay in her line, be cool. She and Jas then exchanged a disgusted look and simultaneously groaned, âhate them,â as they as they gathered up their trash and bags before the lunch dismissal bell rang. They had entirely lost their appetite.
After the lunch fuckery, Ezra spent the rest of the school day obsessively daydreaming about replacing that stuck up ass bitch. How good she and Tommy always looked together, how much theyâd make so much more sense as a couple. She missed her afternoon classes with her mind on how dumb this shit with Tommy was. Which only put her in her usual horrible funk, so by the time she got home, all she wanted to do was to crawl into her bed and mope. Her dad hated the shit Tommy was putting her through. So sometimes he would make her sit down and talk about how she was feeling before she could go shut down. It was nice that he cared, but she didnât want to talk about him. Sometimes there wasnât anything left to say.
She laid on her bed and listened to her sad ass music way into the evening, scribbled about her day in her journal, played around with some words in her secret spiral. Tommy consumed her every thought, so she spent a lot of time trying to get them out her head. She overanalyzed his every movement when he was with his girlfriend, how it was nothing like when he was with her. Nothing was like being with her. He had to know that by now right? What was being with her rude ass like anyway? What the fuck did they even talk about? They probably didnât even do much talking anyway, just fooled around a lot or whatever. Probably all she had to offer. Ezraâs eyes began to burn with all the fucked up emotions stirring up inside her. She had to drown her thoughts out with rock and roll or she was going to break down. She couldnât afford to break.
In the middle of a Dashboard Confessional jam session, Ezra heard her dadâs extra loud shouts for her through her headphones, aware she was up in her room blasting sad songs into her tired brain. Tossing them off, she rolled out of bed to see what he was bellowing about.
âWhatâs up.â She sighed as her bare feet shuffled into the living room.
âTommyâs out front.â Her dad thumbed back at the front door, too focused on whatever he was reading to look up.
âOhâŚâ Ezra looked to the door and blankly stared, debating if she should go out there and face him. She wasnât expecting him and she really didnât feel up for pretending. She was way too deep in her feelings. There she stood completely frozen for a minute, wrestling with her conflicted thoughts until her dad eventually looked up when he noticed how still the room had gotten. She looked so withered picturing him on the other side of the door. Her dad winced, sat his book facedown on his lap as he sat up in his seat.
âDo you want me to tell him to go home?â Her dad offered. âYou donât have to see him if you donât want to.â
âNo, no itâs okâŚâ She bravely went for the door as she hook her head, turning the doorknob as she reassured herself and him, âIâll be okâŚâ
Cautiously stepping out into the warm night air, she found Tommy anxiously pacing around in the yard, unaware that she was sheepishly watching him as she tried to quietly pull the door shut behind her. What did he have to be worried about? Did he think she wouldnât come out? According to the pressed blades of grass under his Chucks, he seemed to be waiting a while, a little lost in thought. She curiously frowned at his back.
âWhatâre you doing out here?â
Her soft voice startled him a bit, and he didnât answer as he turned to find her displayed under the porch light. Tommy just charged at her and tossed his arms around her, pulled her in real close and tight, huffed a big sigh. Surprised to feel his weight, her breath caught, and she held him against her trembling body. What else could she do. For a while, they didnât make a sound, just clutched their shaky bodies and listened to each otherâs timid breaths. After a few long quiet minutes, Tommy whispered in her ear,
âI missed you.â
Ezra nearly fell apart to the sound of those weak words. She didnât even know how much she needed to hear them until he softly spoke them. She bit down on her quivering lip as she tried to fight back the overwhelming sensation to burst into tears. As gently as she could, she cleared her the knot in her throat, swallowed down all her emotions and whimpered,
âIâI miss you tooâŚTomâŚâ
He buried his nose into her hair, sweetly rubbed her back and swayed her from side to side, as if it had been ages since theyâd seen each other. Ezra had to cherish this. Fuck it. Itâd been so long since theyâd been like this how could she not. His warmth, his smell, his strength encapsulated her. She was in Heaven, and could stay here all night if he let her. This was all she wanted from him. An ounce of affection, attention. Some of that Tommy she loved so much. As he released her, he pulled back some to admire her pretty face. He really did miss her, especially how she looked at him with those big brown eyes. Like she could always see him, see through him. Itâd been way too long since he looked at her like this. He missed Ezra looking at him like that.
âDo you wanna go for a drive?â
The random question took her even more by surprise. âOh! Oh uhâsure. Yeah, yeah ok, just-just hold on a sec.â
Stunned by how soft he was suddenly being, Ezra headed back inside to grab some shoes, to let her dad know where she was about to go, and met Tommy leaning all long and cool against his car. How dare he look so fuckin hot when he was putting her through an emotional hell. It was so fuckin unfair. It didnât help make her feel any less when he smiled so big when their eyes met, rounding the bed of the Camino to go open the door for her. Tommy was trying, and she was falling for it a bit. A part of her was dying for this, while the other still wanted to pop off on him for being such a piece of shit for some girl he was most likely going to dump in a month or so. She got in with an awkward grin, let him shut the door, and watched him hurry round to hop in behind the wheel. Being with him made her feel even more conflicted while he seemed to be so happy to have her at his side. Did he really miss her or something? Or did he believe that things were still cool even though heâd been shit? She wanted to believe the formerâŚbut habits would prove otherwise. Tommy had a natural skill of pretending, so it was hard to tell when he was being genuine. If heâd everâŚ
âBad Moon Risingâ filled the car as Tommy drove Ezra around the neighborhood, watching her from the corner of his eye hum along to the song, pretend as if she didnât want to look his way. She didnât know what to say really, so nervous that if she did open her mouth, it would just lead to another fight. And that she didnât want to do. Fighting would get them nowhere. They needed to talk without the conversation going left. At a stop sign, Tommy rested his elbow on the door and allowed his eyes fall down her sitting there all anxious in the passenger seat. They hadnât been alone together in a while so he understood her nerves. Understood why she was trying to ignore him. He hadnât been a good friend, hence why he magically appeared on her doorstep. The way she looked at him in the cafeteriaâŚhe would never forget it. Tommy was aware she didnât like his new girlfriend, but that glare seemed very much more pointed at him than her. Tommy hated when Ezra was mad at him; it was like a long sharp blade to the abdomen. But how could he keep them both happy? It seemed damn near impossible. But he had to do something to make amends with Ez, especially after that look she gave him earlier. She wasnât going to make it easy on him, but it was what he deserved. Heâd never treated her this badly before because of one of his girlfriends.
He took a breath and asked, âAre you ok?â
Ezra shrugged and shook her head. âI donât know,â she softly answered, unsure what she was at the moment. Happy but on edge, sick to her stomach. Jas was right she should just tell him how she felt, but she knew Tommy better than most; it would be like talking to a simple minded child. Itâd literally go nowhere. But the feelings were eating her up inside at the moment, rolling up from the depths of her soul. She stared out into the dark sky, ignoring his hot stare on her body. He called out for her, begging for her to look at him.
âEzzieâŚâ
But she wouldnât dare, merely twitched a turn of her chin. She sighed heavily, then groaned, âwhat TommyâŚâ
He shifted the car to park, slightly turned in his seat to face her. The soft intro to Jimi Hendrixâs âThe Wind Cries Maryâ filled the awkward moment of silence. He didnât know how to urge her to talk about what was bothering her without making her snap. He needed her to look at him, say anything. He couldnât take her resistance much longer. He was just going to have to take it.
âYou can talk to meâŚâ
Ezra loudly smacked her lips. âYeah okâŚâ
âPleaseâŚâ
She took another big breath, ready to go off, but she shut her lips and exhaled loudly through her flared nostrils. Almost turned away from the window, but instead she softly closed her eyes, sighed some more. How could she say it when she knew how she felt wouldnât matter. He really didnât give a shit because if he did, they wouldnât be here trying to have an uncomfortable conversation. Ezra thinned her lips, clutched a fist to muster up the strength to just come out and say it. She had toâŚshe had to. Abruptly turning back at him, the words angrily flew from her full lips,
âAre you really ok with treating me like fuckin shit over your fuck ass girlfriend?â
Like a thin sharp blade to the skin her question sliced him open. Tommyâs eyes bulged as he urgently shook his head no. âNo, no, no EzâEz IâŚitâs not like that I, Iââ
âYou act as if I donât exist! Because of her! Why do I deserve that?!â
âEzzie Iââ
She refused to let him get another worthless word in. âIâm supposed to be your best friend Tom! And youâre treating me like shit?! Me?! Over some fuckin pussy!? Like what the actual fuck! You say you love me, but stay disrespectin me for these dumbass bitches! What is that?! Why is that Tommy?! WHY?! Why do I have to get pushed to the side all over some insecure ass girl?! Oh my fuckin god!â
His fingertips nervously drummed along his steering wheel as he watched her go off on him. Tommyâs time had come, why he was a little nervous to come over. But he could only ignore her for so long before she was going to have something to say. There was no excuse, nothing he could say to make this any better. He understood why his girlfriend asked him to distance himself from her, just look at how they acted around one another. Sure, theyâre best friends, but any girl would feel some type of way about how close they were. And although he really didnât want to, he had toâŚto keep the pretty girl. Unfortunately. Ezra would never get that. There was literally nothing he could say to diffuse this situation.
âAnswer me Tom!â
She demanded with a strong fist to the palm of her hand, commanding his attention, those pretty brown eyes of hers wild with anger. Shit, he anxiously cleared his tight throat, softly shook his head and awkwardly shifted in his seat. âWellâŚwhat do you want me to say?â
Ezra just sadly scoffed, turned away, fed the fuck up. âWhy do I always have to tell you what to sayâŚâ
âBecauseâŚâ he paused, anxiously gripped the steering wheel, âbecause I donât want to hurt your feelings by sayin the wrong things Ez.â
She scoffed again, dismissively waved her hand around as she shrugged, âyouâve already hurt my fuckin feelings Tommy, so whatâs a little more huh?â
Clasping his trembling hands together, he sighed, âEzâŚIâm not trying to hurt you. Iâm justâŚout here, you knowâŚ?â His shoulders woefully shrugged, ashamed by how weak that excuse was. What was he even sayingâŚ
âOh my godâŚâ Ezra choked, balled up her fists, âthe fuck does that even mean?!â
Tommyâs head hung shamefully low. âI donât knowâŚI donât know how to explain it to you Ezra. Iâm justâŚseeing whatâs out there. I mean, Iâm just an idiot boy I donât know what you want from meâŚâ
âI just want you to be honest with me! Treat me like you actually care about me and not like just some stupid lil neighbor girl who follows you around or some shit!â
âOh come on,â his lips smacked. âThatâs not fair you know I care about you! You know youâre much more to me than that!â
âThen stop ignoring me Tom!â Ezra loudly clapped her hands, done with him and this stupid ass conversation. âStart letting these bitches know what it is! I shouldnât have to get pushed to the side for you to do whatever the fuck it is you think youâre doin. Asshole.â
Together, they heaved a loud frustrated sigh, rolled their eyes for totally different reasons. How could she think he doesnât care about her?! How could he not see how fuckin selfish heâs being?! They just wanted this to stop, but how. How could they fix this? And why was it so fuckin hard? Why couldnât they come out and just be honest with one another?! The longer they stewed in the tension, the more upset she got, the more disappointed he felt. He was dying to make amends with her, but seemed like the only real solution here was to dump his girlfriend. Over Ezra? Now that would be the statement of the lifetime. Everyone would then know how he really felt about his best friend in the world. And Tommy couldnât make that kind of sacrifice, that kind of proclamation. Yeah he loved Ezra, but they were still kids. What did they really know about being in love?
The awkward silence was suffocating, choking up all her raw emotions. She hated feeling like this. Why couldnât he just do this one simple task? Was she being obnoxious? Asking for too much? Why was he making her feel like she was one of those desperate girls dying for his attention? Ugh. Ezra didnât want to burst into tears, but everything in her body was coercing her to fall apart. Sheâd never cried in front of Tommy, ever. She was too cool, too strong, impervious to his charm duh. But feeling him scoot closer and closer with his sad intent stare wasnât helping. She was going to crumble, and she wasnât going to be happy to show him how sad he made her feel.
He wanted to scoop her into his side, brush his hand down her back, show her he cared, but not the time. She was visibly so upset; her chest convulsing as she fought back her tears, bottom lip trembling. Tommy frowned, stretching his neck to get a better look at her quivering chin. No way she was about to cry. No way⌠âEzra pleaseâŚplease stop being mad at meâŚâ
âYou donât get itâŚâ Ezra sniffled, her tears finally brimming over the edge. âYouâll never get it.â
The moment he noticed a tear fallin of her jawline, he caught his breath, reached out for her arm. She inched closer towards the door, nearly pressed her nose against the cool glass. As if she could feel him draw near. âGet what Ezzie? Tell me please.â
âThereâs no point Tommy. It wonât change a thing because you donât see what I see. I donât know if you ever will.â She shot a very pointed and telling glare back over her shoulder.
Tommy winced, frowned deeper, afraid he just might understand what she was trying to say. It was all in her sad but angry eyes. They pierced his stomach even deeper. âEzâŚyou donâtâyou donât know thatâŚâ Maybe not, but she was convinced. She shrugged and rolled her eyes at him afflicted by what sheâd said. He wasnât that stupid. âEzra. Seriously. You donât know how I feel.â
âEven if so Tommy, you have a fucked up ass way of showing me how you feel.â
He could do nothing but sigh. Her point was made, and he had no retort. He was too afraid to do anything about Ezra. He wasnât there yet; he wasnât the type of dude Ezra should be with. If Tommy felt like he could be the right kind of boyfriend for her, he would have asked her out by now, no hesitation. He was absolutely crazy about her, heâd be even crazier if he hurt her. He seemed more capable of that than loving her forever. And that was fucked up. He was a little fucked up. The lectures he got from his dad, man. âEzraâs too good for you. Youâre gonna lose that girl if you donât get it together...gonna realize too late how perfect she is for youâŚâ If he hadnât heard that once, heâd heard it a thousand times from him alone. Ezra was the perfect girl, one heâd fumble thinking with his dumb dick.
His ears were burning, throat tightening with each passing second; he drew in a big sigh, afraid where what he was about to say would take them. She might snap, break down and cry, end this all right nowâŚbut she needed some clarity. And he had to do something, no matter how extremely hard it was. Heâd never said anything like this to her before. The knots in his gut were sickening.
âI canât EzâŚI want to butâŚI canât. I canât be who you want me to be. I canâtâŚnot now...â Tommy sadly whispered, upset to say the words, especially like this but it was true. Maybe not everâŚhe didnât know. Ezra deserved so much more. Could he ever measure up? âBut that doesnât mean I donâtâŚdoesnât mean IâŚI donâtâŚâ
He stuttered, so afraid to have said anything like that because this moment was too precious. Those words carried unbearable weight and muttering them out could wreck their world even more. It really broke her heart to hear him hesitate on those three words, hear his voice nearly break as he stopped himself, but that was probably the most honest sheâd ever get him to be. God this was awful, she bit her lip and cringed as she tried to dry up all her sniveling. This was so fuckin unfair, and awful.
âAlrightâŚâ was she could mutter as she wiped the corners of her eyes. There was nothin else to say to that.
Tommy couldnât take the tension anymore, so he strongly embraced her, almost on the brink of tears himself it was so hard to listen to her cry like this. Fuck he sucked so hard for making her cry. Snuggling his chin into her neck he whispered, âI really do miss you Ezzie. I-Iâm sorry Iâve been ignoring you. Iâll do betterâŚwith communicating, with everything. Promise.â
What shouldâve consoled her only irked her, and she tried to nudge him off. âWhatever TâŚâ
But he held onto her, brushed a soothing thumb across her damp cheek. He meant it, heâd try to do better by her. He never wanted to make her cry ever again. Not over anything this fuckin stupid. Not over any of these girls, she was right about that. If Tommy couldnât have her the way she wanted, the way he should, he at least should put more care into their friendship. Of course she wasnât just some neighbor girl. She was his Ezzie, his music soul mate, his sunshine. She was worth more than most people in his life. And he should show her as such. Ezra felt a little safe in his arms again, felt ok looking into those pretty eyes of his. For the moment, she felt alright, satisfied with how those shitty words settled in her weary heart. He gave her his answer. An ill-crafted one, but something to pacify her crazy. She wanted to believe that heâd be better, but he was going to have to show her what she meant to him. As he wiped the rest of her tears away, she prayed he would, that none of those girls would ever come between them again. Prayed that one day Tommy would look at her like she was the only one and really mean it.
âUmâŚwanna go get ice cream?â Tommy asked as he slowly released her, dared to kiss her forehead but he would never dare cross that line.
She didnât want to but she tutted a lighthearted laugh, shook her head as she settled back in the seat. âI donât knowâŚmaybeâŚâ
Shifting the Camino back into drive, he smirked, âcome onâŚyou know thatâll cheer you upâŚâ
âYouâre just trying to kiss my assâŚâ her eyes rolled as she looked back out the window. It really would though, she just didnât want to admit it. And she liked that he was trying to kiss her ass.
As Tommy pulled away from the stop sign, he shrugged, âmaybe soâŚâ
So they sat in the bed of his truck and ate ice cream while they jammed some music, laughing and talking about dumb shit like they used to do before this girlfriend came along. And all was right in the world again. Tommy and Ezra. Ezra and Tom. They missed being like this. You could see it in their smiles, in their lingering gazes. This was what they needed; although they would never deal with their true feelings, their deep rooted issues, they were good. An ill-fitted bandaid. Enough to stop the bleedingâŚfor the time beingâŚ
The next morning, Ezra woke up still feeling ok, not with the usual angst that filled her head as soon as she opened her eyes. The night with Tommy ended on a good note, but she couldnât forget what he promised. Deep down, she knew he would potentially fail her, being a dumb boy and all, but she also felt like he would actually try to deliver. Something in his eyes...all she could think about as she got dressed for school. She still wasnât entirelyâŚsatisfied with the outcome of their conversation but as of now, sheâll take what she can get. They were back on track to who they were. With some clarity, they were seeing one another a little differently.
âMornin Ez.â Tommy happily greeted, startling Ezra as she locked the front door.
âOh god dude!â Surprised to find him on her porch, she yanked her headphones off her head. âWhat are you fuckin doing here?â Wasnât he usually gone by now to give her a ride? Not todayâŚ
âGiving you a ride to school duh.â He took her bag off her shoulder and transported it to his, headed to his car at the end of the driveway. âLetâs stop and get donuts on the way.â
Ezra stood on there confused. Give her a ride to school? Since when? Itâs been like weeks. She was prepared for the bus. âDude what? Why arenât you giving your girlfriend a ride today?â
She didnât ask for this, and she didnât want any goofy ass trouble with olâ girl. But Tommy didnât seem to care, tossing Ezraâs bag into the front seat before he impatiently leaned on the door. âSheâs riding with one of her friends, so come on. You know the bear claws sell out incredibly fastâŚâ
She was skeptical, as she should be because Tommy was known for pulling an okie-doke, and she really didnât want the drama after last night. There was finally some peace. Did she know Tommy was blowing her off to give her a ride? Or was this one of those off chance moments he wasnât lying just to appease Ezra? She wasnât too sure. Slowly she stepped off the porch and down the driveway, pinched brow and arms crossed, eyeing him down as he shook his head at her.
âAlright TâŚâ
Pulling up to the school windows down and blasting hair metal as Tommyâs passenger covered with glazed donut crumbs and hot latte in hand felt like old times. It made Ezra feel even better, lighter; the only thing that could make this moment any better was if they were holding hands. His hair tousled around by the wind, black sunglasses adorned his happy face. He couldnât be any cuter. Ezra sighed a smitten grin to herself, resisted reaching out for his cheek so she brushed the rest of the glaze dust off her pants. It was good to be back, even if it was temporary. She felt so good being back by his side.
Tommy pulled into his usual spot, hopped out with a big smile to open the door for her. With a modest grin, she shook her head at how happy looked as she stepped out, tossing her bag over her shoulder as she affectionately shoved his shoulder, pushing him out her way. Why was he lookin at her like that? Tommy was too busy admiring the tender glow radiating off her to notice his girlfriend coming from the other side of the parking lot. It was indeed a beautiful morning, and he loved to see her in such a good mood. Try to hide her smile and roll her big pretty eyes at him staring her down. What girlfriendâŚwhen his best friend was looking like this. God she was so pretty, his smirk curled at her shooting him a funny look back over her shoulder. If it wasnât for Jas intercepting Ezra, and his girlfriend shouting his name, he wouldâve done something stupid like wrap his arms around her waist and held her just for a minute or two. Thatâs how smitten he was with her in this moment. by the tone in his girlfriendâs shout, he was in some trouble.
âDo my eyes deceive me?â Jas smirked as she locked her arm with Ezraâs. âDid someone actually follow their best friendâs advice?â
Ezraâs eyes rolled, âkinda sorta. But this morning was all Tommy.â
âOoohâŚinterestingâŚâ Jas slowly nodded, a little stunned to hear that. Homeboy finally stepped up a little bit. âSo yâall areâŚ?â
âFine. For now.â She shrugged, thinking back on the past couple of joyous hours with him. She didnât want it to end, almost pitched skipping the first couple periods to bullshit but she didnât want to push her luck. His girlfriend wouldâve probably thrown a big bitch fit.
âWellâŚthatâs better than nothinâŚâ
âSee you later Ezzie.â Tommy quickly side-hugged her and scurried off to his unhappy girlfriend shooting daggers in their general direction. She wouldnât even return his hug, still barreling her evil stare at Ezraâs twitching grin around his slim frame. For once, she felt like she had the upper hand in this Tommy standoff. She watched him tried to diffuse her attitude but by the looks of it, she wasnât trying to hear none of his shit. Snarling and cutting her eyes at him trying to be sweet on her. All Ezra could do was snort, fold her arms across her chest. She loved to be right. Jas tsked and laughed as well.
âLooks like someoneâs in the doghouseâŚâ
âSee, I knew that asshole was lyinâŚâ She chuckled as she drug Jas away, shaking her head at Tommy getting chewed out in front of her friends. Have fun with that, she thought as they headed inside. She was sure she would hear the details about what happened later onâŚand not from him.
just so you know
2020
I Do Know Some Things Richard Siken

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Joan Tierney




