I HATE THIS RED THING, I SPIT ON YOU

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

i am transfem ralsei’s #1 supporter however as a brazilian i cannot take people calling her transei seriously i am so sorry

psa: dont eat dirt

wormophobic

Man is doing sandwich magic and you’re complaining about the material components.

yes im complaining about dirt. you shouldn't eat dirt.

I take a puff and then look at the chimpanzee I am supposed to be taking care of. with my enhanced empathy I know he badly wants a little bit. he does the universal primate gesture for give here. I hand him the joint, he carefully disassembles me like a lego house

women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open

Women are like diamonds since they are composed primarily of carbon.

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

Hannibal abandoning his manners around Will, messily taking off his shirt after a hunt, sitting sweaty and blood-stained with his legs stretched on the sofa, drinking expensive wine straight from the bottle

what's the dewey decimal number for foreskin. coward

prostrating myself at your feet for my lack of composure thank you for your wisdom