I HATE THIS RED THING, I SPIT ON YOU

this fucking girl on bumble sent me like three shy anime girl images and said like “uhmm… hi you seem really cool 😖😖 i’m so nervous” and it fr pissed me off so bad i deleted the app

all the people saying “you fumbled this girl! i want her” how does it feel to be a sucker

remember hot dr pepper? remember how we used to laugh...

Whatever, I could take the frosty folds of the abominable snowman.

I'll go down on the yonic yeti canyon.

She can blizzard on my glizzard any day.

Tomorrow's a snow day and brother I'm breaking out the Flexible Flyer.

We're about to get indecent at Dyatlov Pass.

Call me the McFlurry machine the way I break it down inside her.

You can hang us upside down but nothing can get me off my dairy queen.

She's my storm warning the way we're preppin for six to eight inches overnight.

Yeah baby doll I'm one snow blower that has a lifetime guarantee. You can call me Mister Plow, I'll allow it.

Or call me Scrat with how I'm hiding my nuts in your ice age, it's all good. Just lemme put a little dulce de leche on your shaved ice okay?

I did all this work and nothin to snow for it

Hey are... are you okay?

​really puts the squat in Sasquatch

what I've learned from having other people edit my work is that I have a sick addiction to commas

there have been four editing passes on my spider sex book, and each time they take away so many commas. no fresh commas are being added, this is just a continued culling. if you see a comma in the final book please understand that it survived so much

doc, my advice fetish is taking over my life, i just dont know what to do.......... (lecherous look appears in my eye)

(no beers in) i could really go for a beer right now

(two beers in) mmmm (slaps my belly) i could use another beer right now

(five beers in) (attacking strangers) (frightened animal backed into a corner) (blood stains the cracks in the pavement) (mothers wait for sons who will never come home) (flags rest still at the bottom of their poles) (the birds are silent and the wind does not blow) (there are no clouds in the sky) (there is no more water in the well)