Wrestling thoughts (and demons)

Main event: Ko-D Openweight Championship – Yuki Ueno [c] vs MAO

Ueno is the young ace of DDT, whose stated goal is to lead the promotion to a show in the Tokyo Dome, and by God everyone else is coming with him if he has to drag them there himself. (Technically DDT has already run the Dome twice, but with the small caveat that there were no fans in attendance...)

He has sadomasochistic tendencies and consequently seems to enjoy wrestling very much. Nothing makes him happier than being bullied by an older man, except perhaps doing some bullying of his own. Ueno is also one of those wrestlers who seems to be annoyingly good at literally every single style of wrestling.

Mao is Mao. He's built like a Wendy's hamburger patty and likes endangering his own life by jumping off tall things.

The two have a long history as friends and faction mates, having main evented Peter Pan 2024 in an excellent match that showcased their love of wrestling and shared vision for what it can be. Unfortunately there's been a lot of water under the bridge since then, most of it bad. Mao left their faction, 37Kamiina (pronounced “Sauna Kamiina”), last year to start his own group, Strange Love Connection, who can only be described as a bunch of loveable dorks having a great time LARPing as Pokémon villains. (They also happen to be named after a song by one of my favourite bands, but that's by the by.)

Despite being champion, Ueno actually requested this match himself! He seems to think it's time for Mao to stop pissing around with his friends and step up to help carry the company to the Tokyo Dome. Mao, on the other hand, would like to continue to do Mao Things. The tension between them means I'm expecting a very different match from their last Peter Pan encounter. They obviously still have a lot of love and respect for each other, but I think we'll see more piss and vinegar this time, with maybe a soupçon of actual animosity creeping in, if the preview tags have been anything to go by.

It's also worth noting that this match is for the top belt in DDT, which Mao has never held before! He's always been on a level just slightly below the absolute top tier of DDT wrestlers, but this is his chance to show that he has what it takes to be the face of the company. But Ueno lives and breathes DDT, so that's a baton he won't pass unless he's absolutely sure that Mao's ready. So you can expect a hard-fought struggle, which Ueno will undoubtedly enjoy immensely, the magnificent pervert.

Prediction: MAO wins the big one

Result I'm hoping for: Ueno wins (as much as I love Mao, I think Ueno's title reign has even more mileage yet, and I'd love for one of the youngsters to be the one to take the belt off him eventually)

Special Singles Match – Konosuke Takeshita vs Kaisei Takechi 

Speaking of people who are annoyingly good at wrestling… I present these two fuckers.

If you've watched any wrestling promotion on Earth (or possibly Mars tbh) in 2026 you'll almost certainly have seen Takeshita. The guy is collecting wrestling contracts like they're Pokemon cards.

You don't need me to tell you that he's probably one of the best wrestlers on the planet. Like his good friend Ueno (what a power couple!), there is simply no aspect of wrestling he hasn't mastered, including having perfect hair and making things very horny when he feels like it. Simply unfair! Save some talent for the rest of us.

On top of it all, he seems like a genuinely lovely guy, even if his character in DDT these days is an arrogant bastard who left the company to travel the world. (In a lovely touch, his name is usually styled in western characters in DDT these days, to show that he's fully Yankified.)

Takechi, on the other hand, is a different kind of talented. For a start, he's a successful idol performer with the group Rampage from Exile Tribe. If you know something about jpop, that may mean something to you, but to me it mainly just means he's incredibly handsome and dances very well. He decided to go all-in on this whole wrestling thing in 2024 and become a proper wrestler. He hasn't even wrestled 20 matches yet, but already he's super impressive. His moves may not be as flashy as some other 'celebrity' wrestlers, but he looks remarkably natural in the ring. As you might expect from an idol performer, his charisma is off the charts, but he's also surprisingly good at those tricky aspects of wrestling, like selling and timing.

This match was originally supposed to happen in January, but Takechi was ill, so I'm very glad it got rescheduled! Takeshita's nickname for a lot of his time in DDT was “The Future”, but in this match he's definitely the Present, with Takechi who's the one looking to prove himself as champion material.

Also, you might want to shield your eyes in this one, because the levels of sheer handsomeness will be reaching dangerous levels. And I'm fully expecting the entrance gear to be worth the price of admission on its own. 

Prediction: Takeshita wins (but Takechi puts up a good fight)

Result I'm hoping for: it'd be fun to see Takechi get the upset, but this one isn't really about the result: it's about seeing what Takechi can do against one of the best in the world right now

DDT Universal Championship – Kazuma Sumi [c] vs Ryusuke Taguchi (NJPW)

I don't think anyone was expecting Sumi to win the Universal title, DDT's secondary belt, back in March, least of all Sumi himself. While he's an exciting high-flyer with a bright future ahead of him, he's only 23 and, respectfully, most of his short career has been spent doing some very cool flips before getting pinned. But despite his win seeming like it could be a fluke, he's managed to hold onto the title for almost 5 months!

Admittedly, that's partly because he's only defended it twice, having spent some of the time recovering from an eye injury obtained in rural France, of all places. But having defeating his greatest rival, the French medical system, he now faces his toughest challenge to date… Okay, that's not strictly true. On this show, he faces NJPW's Ryusuke Taguchi, the self-proclaimed “low wall” for up and coming wrestlers to hop over.

I can't believe it's taken Taguchi so long to show up in DDT. He's the kind of deranged freak who fits in perfectly. His backstage promos crack me up every time, e.g. that time he advised Master Wato to get divorced to give himself some character depth (Wato is not married). But underneath his butt stuff and poorly concealed public humiliation kink, Taguchi is secretly a very capable wrestler. As someone who first encountered him as the Funky Weapon, I was shocked to learn that he used to be a well-respected and fairly serious junior heavyweight in his prime. It makes sense though, because he can definitely still turn on the fireworks in a big match situation when called upon. I'm hoping we get to see that side on Tuesday! Although, as always, I'm sure the side of him we'll see most of is his Funky Weapon (his arse).

Prediction: Sumi retains (and nimbly hops over the low wall)

Result I'd like: Sumi retains (as much as I'd love a Taguchi title run in DDT, I think Sumi deserves to rack up some more title defences)

DDT Extreme Championship – Barbed Wire Deathmatch – Hideki Okatani [c] vs Shunma Katsumata

Let's get extreeemmeee! DDT's Extreme title is unique in that every match has a gimmick, usually decided by the title holder! It can range from comedy shenanigans (my favourite being Kazuki Hirata’s “Ghosts and Balloons Deathmatch”) to veritable “for the sickos” bloodbaths.Okatani announced the other day that it'll be a barbed wire deathmatch, so unless the barbed wire is purely decorative, I suspect this match may be the latter... As a Certified Sicko, consider me excited!

These two have a long history together, with Shunma having introduced Okatani to his very first hardcore match way back when! They also had a Painful Jungle Deathmatch a couple of years ago, which I have yet to watch, so I don't know what makes it Painful or Jungle, but I have been assured it's very good. There's a neat watchlist here if you want to delve into the back catalogue!

Since then though, Okatani has become a certified Bad Boy, by which I mean he now wears a black t-shirt, more eyeliner, and a morose expression. Shunma’s main goal in life on the other hand seems to be to get as many different concepts and fabrics into his gear as possible. He also has his own teen idol boy band, NWA Jr, which consists of: Yuni (an actual teenager), Kazuma Sumi (23), and Shunma himself, who is a 33 year old man. Never give up on your dreams, king.

Both of these guys love hardcore wrestling, so I'm expecting plenty of gnarly shit. I saw that they were tweeting stock photos of barbed wire and thumbtacks at each other, so either they're planning some agricultural DIY or we're in for some violent delights.

Prediction: Okatani retains

Result I'm hoping for: Okatani retains (I feel like I still haven't seen his vision for the Extreme belt yet, so I'd like his reign to last a bit longer)

Special Tag Team Match – Daisuke Sasaki & DOUKI (NJPW) vs Antonio Honda & Tetsuya Endo

The set-up for this match has been the wrestling equivalent of edging. What feels like decades ago now, DDT announced that Sasaki would be in a tag team match at Peter Pan with three mystery wrestlers, and ran a competition for fans to guess who they might be. If you're not familiar with Sasaki, he's a misanthropic and perpetually drunk little gremlin man who leads DDT's resident faction of ne’er-do-wells, Damnation TA (short for Total Addiction and not, as I always assumed, Territorial Army). He's also a master shitposter, both online and irl.

After another few long months, Sasaki’s first opponent was revealed as Antonio Honda, best described as the weird uncle of DDT. He wears tasteful floral prints, used to be Italian, and suffers a career-ending injury every match, which is an excuse for him to tell a dick joke about a fox called Gon, which is in itself a distraction so he can poke his opponents in the eye. As you do. Pretty derivative wrestling gimmick I'm sure you'll agree.

It took another few eons for their tag partners to be revealed, but long story short: Sasaki is teaming with DOUKI from NJPW, who's like if Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat did lucha. I used to love him and he still shows flashes of brilliance, but sadly he has now entered the House of Torture Vortex and is now Not For Me. (In his defence, he suffered a pretty nasty injury a while back so maybe the HoT style is a bit easier on his body.) 

Someone who doesn't know how to take it easy, on the other hand, is Antonio’s partner: noted naturalist and naturist Tetsuya Endo. He's popping back to visit DDT while on his extended holiday in Noah, which he says won't end until he wins Noah's top title. He left for his hols basically as soon as I started DDT watching regularly (rude), which means I don't know a huge amount about him. I do know he has a long love/hate relationship with Sasaki, however, dating from his time in Damnation. They seem very normal about each other, even at a distance. 

I don't know what to expect from this match, and honestly some of the references may go over my head, but Endo is always very fun to watch! And if the homoerotic yearning gets too intense, Antonio Honda is guaranteed to lighten the mood by being really fucking weird. 

As for who won the competition? I can only assume that they have sadly passed away from old age since entering. RIP.

Prediction: erm… NJPW is pretty protective of their top stars so Douki might pick up the win?

Result I'm hoping for: Antonio Honda sweep 🙏🦊🇮🇹

Okay, this is getting long, so that's where I'll leave it for now! Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in a part 2 tomorrow! Also please forgive me if I got any facts wrong: I was writing this in a rush so it's mostly just based on ✨v i b e s✨.