Ambition

post count this week ( 17/05 - 23/05 ) : n. of replies ( 3 ) + n. of tasks ( 0 )

≠ — Dorothea’s question made her mind go blank. Nerves were something she felt in abundance. Even the mere mention of Louis or her impending wedding caused her stomach to flip in a way that she was unfamiliar with. “I suppose I am in a way. It will be interesting to see the man whom I am to spend the rest of my life with.” She stated with a small, slightly awkward, chuckle. “I am not entirely free of nerves, those I doubt will not go away for some time, but I suppose a part of me is excited at the prospect of meeting him. Hopefully we will get along as well in persona s we do on paper.” That was perhaps, one of her biggest fear in the grand scheme of things. That they may not get along. Though she would be fearful that he would find her plain and all together too unattractive to wed, the thought of Louis not being able to hold a conversation with her, or the two of them being incompatible was a fear all of it’s own. “

To see her cousins love of knowledge so freely on display did well for Sophia’s heart. It made her happy to know that her little cousin had a thirst for knowledge and was eager to acquire it whenever she may be able. “I am done with my tutors, but I assure you I have not stopped learning. Much like you, I think it would be a disservice.” Sophia paused, taking a sip from her goblet. “What is something you have been studying recently? Perhaps you can share your knowledge with me.”

The brunette squeezed Dot’s hand gingerly at the notion, pleased to know that they were not only family through marriage but friends, and willing to help one another out. It was a notion that was often spoken at court, and not followed through with. But Sophia felt she could rely on the other woman, she was a kindred spirit.

She understood that; if she had a betrothed, she reckoned she would be pretty much the same - feeling antsy, and anxious, and nervous. After all, Sophia was right; that was someone she would spend the rest of her life with - that itself was a rather intimidating thought. Humming lightly, Dorothea found herself nodding at her cousin’s words. “That seems sensible. I hope you will be sufficiently intrigued by him. I have no doubts that you will charm him at the spot, thought. Poor lad has no chance.” She gently spoke, her smile widening at the mere thought of it. Cousin Sophia was a charming woman indeed - educated, beautiful and intriguing by nature; her skills and knowledge of arts and music were enough to charm anyone, let alone a French prince. She could not quite say the same for prince Louis, as she had not met him in person, but what she could gather from the tidbits of information she heard in passing, he seemed pleasant enough - though, whether or not that would be enough, she could not really tell.

Hearing that her cousin had been pretty much the same as her, made Dot more giddy than expected. Oh, it was always a delight to find someone as invested in knowledge as she was! “Certainly.” She replied with a beaming smile and a passionate nod of her head. “Recently, I have been looking into the ottoman customs, since Friedi is going to live there, and quite possibly rule it one day, so I would certainly love to be more acquainted with it. But, my love is and always will be philosophy, and I have just recently discovered Machiavelli. I must admit, he is most interesting, indeed.” She chatted, before asking; “What of you? Is there anything in particular that captured your attention?”

The squeeze came as a reassurance, a welcome, familial gesture that spoke louder than any words ever could, and it brought great comfort to the younger princess. After all, family was the only thing a person could ever truly rely on.

“Oouf.” Dot frowned, nibbling on her lip. It was always hard to choose - too hard. “Well, realistically speaking, Leopold will inherit the crown. If he actually starts to listen to father and - dare I be so bold - myself, then I would argue he would be the most suited for the crown.” He was the crown prince - as cunning as Matthias was, he was a bastard son and as such could never inherit the crown.

“Oh my giddy aunt.” The question left her speechless for a moment, but amusement had already begun to blossom beneath her skin. “Well, lets see. For Ellie, I think only the best would do, but there is, unfortunately, no such man to fit the picture. However, politics considered, I think she would fit well in China, with one of the princes, or perhaps in France.” Pursing her lips, she thought about her brother. “As for Leo... goodness gracious. Perhaps Russia, with the remaining eligible princess, Yelena.” She shook her head, lightly snorting; “Why? Well, I suppose because they are on the market. As far allied countries go, there is only a handful of them to choose from.”

Friedi couldn’t help but laugh. “Perhaps it will stain when I hit you over the head with it,” she teased her. They both knew she would never do such a thing, not to Dot at the very least. “But you are right. This is not a time for weeping.” That would come later, when this entire peace talk had concluded and they would, for the first time, be forced to go their separate ways. “Nell takes a more subtle approach. If she decides to cause chaos, you will never know it was her. A silent assassin, of sorts.” No, Nell was far too duteous to allow herself to be caught making trouble. 

Her distaste was apparent on her face. Her sister’s refusal to see the kind of man their father really was made it harder to speak about him with her. She would never understand the complexities of their relationship, for she knew an entirely different father. “Actually, he told me he would,” she confessed. “After we arrived in Bellinzona, he told me I was bound either for marriage or a convent. He told me Eleonora was meant to wear a crown, but that I had very little potential as far a husband went. My betrothal only came because Nell was injured. If she had not been, I have no doubt I would be wearing a habit around now.” She had no doubt that Dot would come up with some excuse for him, but Friedi knew the truth of it. “It feels strange to be grateful that my sister was hurt, but I could not imagine it being her to wed Bayezide. It does not seem like a life she would like.” Not like Friedi would. Not if Bayezide delivered to her all that he had promised. It was not a nice feeling to know how little he had thought of her, but she had been gifted an opportunity to prove him wrong. 

She still did not believe her, but she shook her head in bemusement. “And where may I find one of these flying fish?” She asked, thoroughly entertained by the notion. “I will not believe it until I see it with my own eyes.” The next question caught her by surprise, and she paused for a moment to think, wondering how honest to be. “At first, a little,” she confessed. “Though I am not afraid now. Bayezide has made it easy to embrace, and it is far better than what would await me in Germany. You do not know the relief of knowing I will not be tied to father’s whims for much longer.” 

“You would not dare. You love me too much to hurt me, Friedi.” She cooed. Regardless of their differences and the sisterly squabbles they had throughout the years ( and the relatively recent one that had them not speaking to each other for a few long weeks ), she knew her sister loved her, just as she had hoped Friedi knew Dottie adored her to bits. Pursing her lips in thought, Dorothea found herself agreeing with her sister’s words. “You are right. I think Ellie would be most mischievous, if she lets herself be like that. Maybe we should team up and coax it out of her. Perhaps that would help her relax.” She mused.

Dot attentively listened to her sister speaking about the deal she had had with father, and her own mood threatened to turn sour - surely, father would not be like that? Perhaps he would - perhaps she was being irrational, choosing to see the best in him, or perhaps she was being coddled and closeted by her mother; but, she did not want to argue with Friederike about their father, so she let it slide, the purse of her lips the only indicator that she had allowed her sister’s words to sink in. Their conversation meandered back to Eleonora, and the youngest Holstein nodded, soft hum escaping her lips. “I am not certain how she would have enjoyed it, either. She wold have probably endured it - she always seemed like the suffer in silence type. I think you would thrive there, if you are given enough freedom and respect - which I sincerely hope they will give you, lest they want me to march there and deck them all.” She added the latter, her lips quirking upwards.

“In the ocean, of course. But, I think you can find them in the waters of Japan and China, as well as on Barbados. Perhaps, since we are allied with China, as is your future husband, Bayezide could take you on a ship to China to watch them? And then you will have to admit I was right and send me the most extravagant gift you can muster; whether it is an odd collection of rocks or my miniature portrait painted by the least talented painter, I care not. So long as it is odd!” She softly laughed, then it ebbed into a chuckle. “Yes, I can imagine. From being bossed around by father, now you will, in turn, boss men around.”

post count this week ( 10/05 - 16/05 ) : n. of replies ( 1 ) + n. of tasks ( 0 )

Dot’s words perhaps should not have been a surprise to her, but they were. She had never really considered herself first in anybody’s heart. Not even Nell, for she knew her twin to be her father’s creature, and was uncertain if her love for him trumped her love for Friedi. It may not have been the biggest revelation in the world, but it meant more to her than Dot could ever know. “You will make me cry if you carry on, Dot, and I hate being moved to tears,” she declared, though the smile on her face was broad. “Oh, I have no doubt that she would. She has used her powers to keep me from trouble all these years. Now she does not have to, you are all in for it.” She was teasing, but she did not doubt Eleanora’s capacity to wreak havoc, should she choose to.

She and Bayezide has spoken of how all the signs seemed to favour their match, and to hear Dot’s confession was yet another addition to the ever-growing list. “Father did better for me than I thought he would,” she confessed. “I thought I would be bound for a convent before we left Switzerland, you know. Or if I did wed, it would be to some lord of nothing, to get me out of the way.” She hated to be beholden to Maximillian, but she could not deny that he had given her a great gift. The potential for happiness, for a good life, was before her. He couldn’t have known that when the deal was struck, though she knew he would always take the credit for it. “It is a sweet thought,” A smile crossed her face. “Though I hope your marriage is a way off yet. You are still so young. Nell and I would be grey and wrinkled if we had to wait.” Eight years separated them, and in the scheme of it, it wasn’t much, but when Friedi had been 10 and Dot 2, when Friedi had been 21 and Dot 13, it had felt like a lifetime. “You may have to reconcile yourself with the idea,” she warned, though as she thought about it, there were very few options. She knew of only two crown princes without a wife, and surely one of them would be for Nell.  “We must find Ella a suitor, first, though. I don’t think she would forgive father if you were wed first.”

“You are teasing me,” Friedi grinned. “Surely there are not fish that can fly. How could such a creature truly be a fish, and not a bird?” She asked, though she was laughing. This was one of the things she loved so dearly about her little sister, the curious way in which her mind worked an endless source of entertainment. But then, everything turned serious once more. “It is all so new to me. It’s difficult to navigate.”

Dorothea softly chuckled at her sister’s words; it was unfathomable to her - moving her sister to tears. They have been together all their lives ( up until this point, of course, when her sister was to marry and leave Germany for good ) and she could probably count the times her sister had cried on the fingers of one hand. Out of the three sisters, it was Dot who was more prone to be driven to tears, though that too happened seldom and far in between. “Oh, good. I had worked so hard to polish the pitcher, I would hate to stain it with our crocodile tears.” She lightly teased, her smile widening, especially once Friedi mentioned Ellie. “Now I am rather scared to see that side of her, but I am also rather excited to see it, as well. I think we should probably team up. Perhaps the chaos we bring will serve as a medicine.” She laughed.

Dottie pursed her lips in thought as her sister spoke, and then slowly shook her head. “No. No, no, the convent was never meant for you, or for any of us. I know you have your differences with father, but you have to take his personality into account. He never would have chosen a lowly lord or a convent for you, for either one of us. Take Ferdi, for an example. He is our illegitimate, bastard brother in the eyes of the law, and yet he is to marry a French princess. Mattie got a good deal with a higher lord’s daughter. I am sure Leopold will wed a princess, since he is to inherit the crown, if we rein in the trouble brewing. The three of us were bound to end up with either princes or high class nobility in the least. You can say what you want about father, but at least he’ll... take care of us, in the most basic way of providing us with financial stability. As a sehzade’s wife, you will want for nothing.” She hummed as she spoke, but then nodded, again. “True, true. We ought to secure our sister’s happiness, first. Then Leo’s and then mine. I cannot say I can’t wait, but I am rather interested and curious to see just who father might pick for me - and for Ellie and Leo. I suppose it is just basic curiosity now, more than a desire to be wed.” Dot chuckled with mirth lacing her words.

“I swear to whatever deity you believe in, or do not believe in, but for the sake of conforming to society you appear to believe in, that I am not fabricating this. I have heard about such fish, but unless my sources have been lying to me - and I truly do not think so - then I cannot possibly be mistaken.” Dottie added with another soft chuckle, but her sister’s words made a gentle smile bloom on her lips. “I know, I can only imagine.” She nodded, before deciding to ask, in a quiet tone; “Does it... scare you? The new future you are facing? Marriage, new customs, new people and courts to navigate... is it... overwhelming?” She would have been terrified out of her mind, even if for a short while.

post count this week ( 03/05 - 09/05 ) : n. of replies ( 2 ) + n. of tasks ( 0 )

≠ — Sophia had to admit that her cousin brought up a valuable point. Occasions such as these brought up the most beautiful opportunity to meet others, and see familiar faces once more. Weddings truly were an occasion to bring people together. Whether it be in the same room, or in holy matrimony. The brunette nodded her agreement, thinking to her own family members she had not seen in many years, and old acquaintances. “You are right! Is there anyone in particular you are looking forward to seeing?” She asked, lip turning up in a small smile. Not suggesting she had heard anything, but a teasing inquiry never hurt anyone. The Tsarevna brushed off the question about distance, as it was not too far, but far enough that she had longed to turn back home before she had even really begun her journey. Now that she was in Switzerland however, she was going to attempt to make the best out of the situation.

Her thoughts were halted momentarily as her engagement was brought up. Of course it had been, they were at a wedding of course. “I have not met him yet, no. We have however, corresponded and I have begun to know of him through that. We will be meeting at some point though, as to get to know one another before we are to be wed.” Sophia was nervous for her own impending nuptials. Scared that she would not be enough, that she would not be to her husbands liking, and that she would be loved the way she so desired to be. “I am glad you would not cease your learning, lessons and knowledge have to be one of the most powerful things a woman can have in this world.” A smile of pride made it’s way onto her features at the thought of Dorothea not giving up on her lessons, or allowing her cheerful disposition to fall considering all that had happened with her countrymen as of late.

“I did hear about that… I am deeply sorry, from the bottom of my heart.” Sophia paused then offering her cousin a small, but warm smile. “Should you need anything, please do not hesitate to ask. I hope you do know that you can rely on me, and my family.”

Oh, there were a good few people she had longed to see. Her entire Austrian family ( minus Konrad, of course. if she ever sees his face in person again, she was certain she would hurl a few sharp objects in his direction ) for one, then the rest of the Russians. Sophia’s question made her chuckle, as she was more than aware of the light tease behind the words; but, if her cousin was hoping for a forbidden romance, or for someone to have been successful in catching Dorothea’s ever evolving standards, she would be very disappointed to learn that there was no man who intrigued her enough to hold her attention for more than a few fleeting seconds. “Of course! I would love to see aunt Yekaterina, of course. Then uncle Augustinus and aunt Louisa, and my cousins Lukas and Augusta, as well as aunt Wilhelmina.”

Dot tilted her head to the side, as her cousin spoke of Louis and their correspondence. That was smart - exchanging letters and thoughts, before their official meeting would take place. Letter could also say a great deal about a person, regardless if they are thoughtfully crafted or sincere. “And, what do you think of him so far? Are you nervous, or are you looking forward to officially meet him?” She asked, soft smile dancing on her lips. As Sophia mentioned learning and knowledge, Dorothea began nodding, almost furiously, in agreement with her. “Indeed, indeed! Knowledge is the most valuable thing we can have, and abandoning it seems like an odious, deadly error a person can ever make.” She paused, then asked; “How are your studies going? Have you completed everything, already?”

Sighing, Dot’s smile turned soft and full of gratitude. “Thank you, cousin. Truly. Your support and the offer itself means the world to me. You, too, can count on me whenever you need any help, or assistance, or even advice.” They were family after all, and she will always, always, take care of her family.

“Then at least I am first in something,” Friedi said, with a cackle that proved there was no serious intention in her words. Even if they were true. But no more was she in the shadow of her brothers and sisters, those more treasured to their father’s eyes. The transformation demanded of her had occurred, and no longer was she a daughter of Germany, known for mischief and a fiery temper, but a woman of the Ottoman Empire. “Ah, but you would be surprised at Nell. She carries some mischief in her heart, just not the willingness to carry it out.”

Friedi nodded her head. Dot had given her exactly the answers she expected. No, there would be no other option for Dot than somebody as intelligent as she was, though whether she could find it or not was another matter. “If it were up to me, that would be the type of man I would choose for you,” she nodded her head. “But a man like that is no easy find. There is nobody who comes to mind who would be good enough for you or Nell, and that is a scary thought.” She did not know how she would handle it if her sisters ended up with a man that was beneath them. “Does a man’s position matter to you?” She asked. Their father had made it clear only a crown would do for Eleonora, and she assumed the same for Dorothea. Whether Dot wanted it or not was another matter altogether.

She didn’t want to think any more of it. If she did not feel anything for Bayezide, it would be easier to accept if his affections cooled for her, but as it stood, she was taken with him. Moreso than she had been with other men, at the very least. Friederike had never been short of attention, even in Germany, and was content to indulge it, but had never entertained the idea of feeling so warm for another man. “You would have more luck telling a fish to fly than telling me to be patient,” she allowed a smile to cross her face. “The issue is, I already do feel for him. I believe he cares for me too, but if that changes in time, I do not think I could stand it.”

“Boy, are you going to have a field day when I tell you that you are also the first in my heart, mein liebling.” Dorothea softly laughed, but it was the truth. She had loved Ellie, and Ferdinand, Matthias and Leopold, but while out of her brothers she was somewhat the closest the Mattie, she had loved Friederike greatly - and whenever she had to vent, or rage, or cry, she would be the first person Dot would seek out. Arching her eyebrow, the youngest Holstein chuckled. “Oh, I bet she does - who does not have a spark of mischief in them? I often wonder if she would be the worst of us all, the best at mischief, I mean, if she only let herself practice it.”

Dottie gently smiled to her sister, forgetting the silverware for a moment as she took a hold of her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “I know. I never thought there will be a man deserving of you either, but I guess Bayezide can measure up to it. He is the closest to the idea of a perfect man I have had in mind for you, of course. I imagined someone like him for you, long, long time about, when I dreamed of the three of us getting married to our perfect matches on the same day. A triple wedding. Was that not a silly thought?” She chuckled at the childhood memory - at a childish dream she had harboured when she was eight years old. Friedi’s question made her pause, lips pursed in thought as she softly frowned. “Hm, I do not know. I have thought about being a queen and, as appealing as that thought is, I do not think I would be satisfied being one. Men like to gobble all the power and decisions for themselves, and I think it might make me feel entrapped. I do not mind settling down with a duke, or a marquess, or a baron. So long as he is a good man, and someone who will not make me feel like I am suffocating, I will be fine with whatever title he holds.”

Dorothea’s smile turned softer, before her academic temperament kicked in, and she commenced with a brief lecture. “I will have you know, dearest sister, that there actually is a species of fish that can fly. They have special fins that can keep them airborne for a very short time but still. It is an equivalent of flying. Also, coming to think of the density of the sea, and the fact that there are aquatic creatures that crawl on the ground, like starfish, and crabs, fish could actually be classified as the aquatic equivalent of birds.” She ranted, but at her sister’s words, she grew serious again and offered her another gentle smile. “He feels for you, I know. And he will continue to feel for you, I am sure of it.”

post count this week ( 26/04 - 02/05 ) : n. of replies ( 3 ) + n. of tasks ( 0 )

“Excuse me,” Friedi allowed a mock-outrage to cross her face, and folded her arms across her chest to emphasise her point. “And why should Leopold have all the credit for all of our hard work? Do you not think the boy has quite enough praise already?” she was teasing, though there was a bitter truth to her words. Leopold had been much-loved, in a way Friedi had not, and that kind of hurt was not easily pushed aside. Perhaps this was how Claudia felt about Friedi herself, for at least she had a father to raise her, which was more than this secret sister had.

She tilted her head, looking at Dot with thoughtful eyes. “And what about you, little sister? In your opinion, what would you find attractive in a husband?” If she had to guess, it would be an intellectual equal, somebody who could match the youngest princess’ quick mind and provide her with somewhat of a challenge. But perhaps she was wrong, and Dot would prefer somebody she could speak circles around, and who would adore her for it. Either way, she hoped the time for her to wed was far off. She was still so young, and if another sister was wed before she, it might break Nell’s heart.

Friederike felt a lump in her throat, something that happened so rarely. She had never been one for tears, even when speaking about her mother. She had never known her, but she had always craved her, clung to the idea of her so tightly, lest everyone forget she had ever existed, as she was sure her father would have wanted. He had been clear in telling her that Agneta had hated her marriage, and hated him, and following in her footsteps was a terrifying prospect. That sad existence, away from her home, with a man she cared so little for, and dying to bring his children into the world, was a horrible possibility, one she would do anything to avoid. “I do not think he will be unkind, but you cannot make somebody love you. I hope that he will, but neither of us can say it for certain.”

Dorothea was aware that her sister was teasing her, and so she returned the retort with an innocent grin. “And here I thought you would be the first to admit that Leopold is the silliest one of us. I am saying the silliest, not the most mischievous. You win in that area, big sister - I am second to you in that affair, and I fear Leo might be the least mischievous one - after Eleonora, of course. The two of them are evenly tied in the mischief department.” She chuckled. Yes, Leopold was overly praised sometimes, but it had never been about mischief or sparking up trouble - Friedi collected all the prizes there; followed by Ferdi, and herself.

Her sister’s question made her pause. Actually... she never really... thought about it ( not in depth, nothing going over childish dreams that she had long since abandoned and forgotten ). She pursed her lips in thought, remaining silent for a minute as she pondered the answer. “Well... I would want for my future husband to be intelligent. I would be bored out of my mind if he was not. I want a challenge, I suppose; someone who could keep up with me, someone who will listen to me, or at least have a constructive remark - not the you are a woman, you need not think about it stupidity that men seem to harbour.” Another pause, then a soft chuckle escaped her lips. “I also want him to be, you know... attractive enough.”

Dot’s heart broke for her sister. She suspected that every person in the world craves love ( she was not at all different from that - but, dreaming of it was one thing, and hoping and praying that it comes, was another thing entirely. she had dreamed of it, yes, but she had also long since abandoned hope of getting it - and she was fine with it ). “I hope that he will, too.” Dottie replied, with a gentle smile on her face as she regarded her sister. Part of her was certain that Bayezide would turn to love her, and perhaps it would happen soon, but she also knew of the possibility of his affections cooling down and she felt terribly sad. “I know. But, I also know that you should not rush anything - neither yourself, nor him. You two are still strangers to each other, but you have a lifetime of getting to know one another. Just be patient.”

post count this week ( 19/04 - 25/04 ) : n. of replies ( 3 ) + n. of tasks ( 0 )

≠ — The bright grin that Dorothea sported made a feeling of girlish giddiness rise within her, something she had not felt in a very long time. Though she was not blood related to Dorothea or Friederike, she had always regarded them as blood relation. To see Dottie again after such a long time was a pleasant site, and she hated to admit how much she had missed the others’ company.

“I would not miss it for the world, besides it has been an opportunity to see so many people, I could not bear to miss it.” She mused, chuckling melodically as she took in the others’ changed appearance. She was a woman now, full grown and it almost made Sophia melancholic to know that Dorothea had come into her adulthood. Though, to know her disposition had not changed was a pleasant reality. “I would expect nothing less from a wedding, especially Friederikes” She breathed, hazel eyes glancing about the room for a moment. “I have been well, travelling here from Russia, but well. It is incomprehensible how things have changed! How have you been? Have you stopped your lessons yet?”

"Weddings really do bring people together, do they not?” She retorted with a soft grin on her lips. Her more romantic side has been deeply hidden from the world, but there were a few people she was comfortable enough around, to let them know of the existence of that side of her. The Russian princess was definitely one of those people - people she trusted more than enough to see that part of her character.

“This is a perfect opportunity to meet new people and to reacquaint oneself with friendships one has forgotten or neglected due to distance and, quite possibly, alliances.” She, too, had some people she would very much like to speak to - like her uncle, the Archduke Augustinus. “I hope the road to Switzerland has not been too tiresome. You have travelled quite the distance.” She mused, lips pursed in thought as she calculated the distance in her head. The subject shifted to changes, and she softly sighed in reply; “Oh, indeed. And speaking of changes, I have heard of your engagement to Louis of France - have you two met, already?” Dot asked, head tilted curiously to the side, before she lightly chuckled again. “Stopped them? I would never. I do enjoy knowledge.” But, the chuckle ebbed into another sigh. “I have been well - as well as I can be given everything that befell Germany as of late.” Claudia befell it. As did Konrad.