Everything Is Ephemeral

This perler art was made by me, a tribute to a $5 piece of art I bought during my time in Philadelphia. I was so broke I could only afford one in the set (both would be $10). I remember a guy walking by while I was sitting on the curb with a girl in white shorts and calling me out for checking out her ass that day. I thought of this piece of art as me and my ex boyfriend with dark hair and big eyes. Philadelphia was weird.

This little woven bag is my latest purse purchase. It’s a thrift store find with a clasp that doesn’t shut. My thrift shopping rule is only vintage or designer, but I will make an exception for certain fabrics. Since moving here I found that I needed a lighter bag, this one is cute but is not getting the job done. Another decoration for this full closet. I attached shoe clips just so I won’t forget about them, but those were an ill conceived purchase. I have sensory issues and they rub against my feet in a weird way. I guess I’m still looking for my perfect summer bag.

This bag was my next everyday bag. It was the first bag I bought new, most of my designer stuff is pre-owned. I thought it was so reliable and cute. It has a shape that makes it easy to lose stuff. I often find myself sticking my hand in like it’s a mystery bag. Back then I was obsessed with Alexander Wang, and even though I have a ton of pieces of his I will not wear them. This is one of four bags I have by him, plus some clothes. We all know what that man did. I have the pieces sitting in my closet for sentimental reasons but I will not wear them again, I might just keep them in there until I can give them to someone.

This bag has seen so much. It was a thrift store purchase. This was back when getting a Coach bag for $5 left me shellshocked. At this point looking back at that version of me gives me a feeling of tenderness. I feel like a completely different person now. This was the purse I took to concerts with me. I wore it every time I went out. It got to the point where my aunt asked me if I had any other purses. When I got to the place financially where I was buying fancy new purses she asked me if I still had this one. It’s funny what people associate with you. I put this purse through some abuse, paint parties and rainy excursions. I can’t imagine wearing it again.

This was the bag I wore to weddings before I got nice bags. To be honest I might go back to this because nice bags look out of place at weddings. They are very attention seeking which is bad form. This one is good because it’s hard and sturdy but there is not enough space for a phone. I think it was from the time when people thought phones were going to get smaller. My mom gave me this bag, which is a sweet gesture and tells you a lot about her taste level.

This tiny backpack is more functional. I had my nephew wear it when we were babysitting. I needed him to carry his own stuff so we filled it with peanut butter crackers and water. He’s five so it was the perfect size for him. Once again there is a reoccurring theme of my bags being too tiny for my current form.

I think this was a gift from my partner, but I’m not sure what made him think to get me this.

This black fuzzy backpack was a gift from my best friend. It’s really special when someone cares enough about you to give you a gift. I don’t wear it because it’s a Velcro backpack so I don’t want things to fall out. I know as soon as I have one drink I get much less vigilant. For now it’s just sentimental and ornamental.

This is probably my most complimented bag. People seem to love it and it is evocative to those who notice it. I love how the pictures don’t match themselves in the era they actually dated. Maybe these pictures were cheaper to license. Capturing the past through an incorrect lens of the past is fascinating. It’s an idealized version of people in the moment of time they were together. Toxic and larger than life figures slapped on a bag and faded into a beige background.

I wear it a lot. Sometimes I turn it inwards when i don’t want attention and prefer to go incognito.

This is my favorite bag. I was actually influenced to buy it by Caroline Calloway who I despise. She is a reflection of what I fear is my base instinct, selfish, gluttonous, and whatever the opposite of Imposter Syndrome is. I had a mini freak out because this bag was getting delivered while I was going to be out of the house so I had to ask my land lord to bring it in for me.

Right now I am having a terrible work day. I have a significant position in a place and have spent enough time in the field to know that most people are just faking it. I deeply want to care about anything else but this.

This purse was a Ross designer find from when I visited my best friend. They had the bag locked to the rack so I had to ask them to let it out and then they put it behind the cashier counter before I paid. The consensus appeared to be that I wanted to steal this bag. When I got to the cashier she asked me if I knew how much the bag cost. Of course I did, I think the cost of living in New York at the time distorted my judgement though. ($300)

At this point I use it as an everyday purse and have puked on it at a bar. It’s durable but the clasp is annoying. I find being too precious with your things is dangerous because everything is ephemeral.

This bag was a gift from my partner’s aunt. It came in a box with a gold mesh coin purse. I think this aunt’s gifts always seem to be a variation of trash. Stuff she wants to discard without feeling any guilt. I’ll take it though.

I wore it to the first wedding I went to after covid. It barely fits anything and the strap is too long. I used the coin purse too that day and filled it with sticker press on nails. We stayed at an air bnb in San Francisco but were too tired to go into the city. We watched Schitt’s Creek in bed and wondered why the last episode had Dan Levy getting a “happy ending”. Funny enough it was a wedding episode. Maybe it was all a literal representation of people’s desires for contentment and closure.

This bag was an impulse purchase near the beginning of covid. To be honest, I thought it would be way bigger based on the price. You can see the Care Bear on there for scale. I had wanted a monster Fendi for so long.

So much happened afterward so I didn’t wear it much. I might layer it on a bigger bag like a little bag barnacle. In the end this bag was a good lesson on managing expectations, which is something I seem to learn a lot from bags.

I bought this purse on Depop because it tapped into a y2k fantasy I was trying to rekindle. It is so small that it reminds me of how much my body has changed from then to now.

Clothing fantasy is often rooted in a creation of an alternate self but it’s hard to internalize that what we wear is just additive. We are who we are in that moment and at my core there is no y2k fantasy without the body to go along with it.

I have never worn the bag out but it’s cute enough to keep hanging in my closet.

This was an EBay purchase that I made when I got into a Cathy phase. Cathy is an apt critique of capitalist culture and highlights the true loneliness of modern womanhood. In a way this account channels the same spirit as this tote.

It is reminiscent of e.e. Cummings:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it

Cathy: I have it all and I carry it all with me.

It drains the romanticism out of the message though. In the end, you can’t take anything with you when you die.

This purse really captured my attention online. It had a level of whimsy I seem to enjoy in purses. I bought it knowing it would be so hard to wear and getting it in the mail and trying it on I saw that it is impossible to hoist on my shoulder. Another purse art piece I guess.

I wore it once to the movies to watch “ The Eyes of Tammy Faye”. A white purse in a dark eat-in theater is a bad choice. I also wore it to eat bbq. I seem to have a deathwish for the purse.

The first version I bought of this purse was holographic print. It came to me scratched and broken after weeks of waiting. There is a sense of disappointment that pervades a purchase that comes to you broken. This was 2020 and there were worse things happening but it felt right to get a faulty purse. My partner had to email the company to get a replacement. This is the replacement of the purse I actually wanted.

I don’t wear it often because it is really heavy and doesn’t fit much in it. I think of it as more of a piece of art than an actual purse.