Certified Simp

One of the funniest things about Mormonism is that I’m sure Joseph Smith never believed any of the bullshit he said. There are some religions and cults where you have faith the original prophet actually thought they were talking to angels or believed the set of principles they laid out for their followers were for the greater good. Joseph Smith was a dumbass but like PT Barnum he realized a sucker was born every day and he was one step above the average 1830s sucker. He went from making people pay him to look at a rock in a top hat and ‘locate buried treasure’ to receiving lost bits of scripture, through the rock and top hat method. His wife caught him cheating and he said an angel visited him and told him men should be allowed multiple wives and not obeying that would send her to hell. I’m fairly convinced that dude was an atheist. He was on that hustler grindset. Brigham Young might have actually believed some of the shit he said but I don’t think Joseph Smith genuinely had faith in Mormonism or gave a fuck about humanity in the slightest.

vote me for president i will make every character aromatic

I am the surgeon & I am the patient & I am the technician handing over the scalpel & I am the scalpel & I am the pervert touching themselves in the corner

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

“Where are the trans men in history?” See. When you're born a gender that was forcefully married off, who had to live most of their life indoors, when you had to raise children, and had a lobotomy if your family thought you were a tad too odd, it's kinda hard to come out as a trans man now ain't it.

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

i’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food anymore.. i don’t even know where Sandwiches live 

i think we are long overdue for a game that does the reverse of 90s first person shooters and actively makes fun of the player for picking the hard difficulty

Look, I don’t like Pete Buttigieg, I know you don’t like Pete Buttigieg, I think it is extremely concerning that someone filed a completely unfounded and fairly outlandish CPS report against him and that CPS took it so seriously they would not allow him to be in the same home as his children AND I doubt they would have done that if he and his husband were a straight couple.