Certified Simp

vote me for president i will make every character aromatic

I am the surgeon & I am the patient & I am the technician handing over the scalpel & I am the scalpel & I am the pervert touching themselves in the corner

[the most low energy you have ever seen me] we’re about to go crazy mode

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

Now a functionally suicidal character saying “I will live for you”. Now that’s a dynamic I can sink my teeth into.

now how about a functionally suicidal character saying "I will sell hot dogs for you"

Hotdog vender lays down their life to protect their suicidal partner, who then takes over the hotdog stand to carry on their memory...

It's like talking to a 2010 Old Spice commercial with you people

“Where are the trans men in history?” See. When you're born a gender that was forcefully married off, who had to live most of their life indoors, when you had to raise children, and had a lobotomy if your family thought you were a tad too odd, it's kinda hard to come out as a trans man now ain't it.

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

i’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food anymore.. i don’t even know where Sandwiches live 

i think we are long overdue for a game that does the reverse of 90s first person shooters and actively makes fun of the player for picking the hard difficulty

Look, I don’t like Pete Buttigieg, I know you don’t like Pete Buttigieg, I think it is extremely concerning that someone filed a completely unfounded and fairly outlandish CPS report against him and that CPS took it so seriously they would not allow him to be in the same home as his children AND I doubt they would have done that if he and his husband were a straight couple.