Certified Simp

don't let being born a girl stop you from being the man your father never was

It’s odd when men blame women for the “male loneliness epidemic” because oftentimes men are lonely in their own friend groups. Of course you’re lonely dude, your friends know literally nothing about you. You haven’t had a vulnerable moment with them ever. They don’t even know your surname. Instead of leaning on a random woman go lean on your buddies bro

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

wish online communities discussing autism in women weren't like, doing their best to contribute to the false perception there's a distinct Autism For Boys and Autism For Girls, when the whole time it's just social enforcement of gender roles influencing behavior

"why are so many leftists disabled" maybe it's because disabled people don't really care for the "kill all disabled people" parties but who can say

black mold and lead can’t affect me because i’m pure of heart

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside

Gets stuck in the past and makes a random village get way smarter and less violent in a generational sense because I keep smacking people over the head with a stick and telling them that it’s the devil’s metal whenever they try to use lead for something in my presence and there develops a very niche regionalized superstition that an angry warlock will jump out of a tree and beat the shit out of you if you touch lead with your bare hands

Gets excommunicated by the Catholic Church for telling people that they can banish the devil from their water if they boil it therefore saving hundreds of people from a cholera outbreak but I don’t care and keep trying to convince the locals to use soap more often

You’re not at all worried about being labeled a witch and burned at the stake?

Witch burnings were very specifically a mid 1500s to mid 1600s phenomenon and I went back further than that so I’m fine as long as I don’t try to convince people that the earth revolves around the sun.

You’ve thought this out thoroughly and I appreciate that

one thing I can always respect about Roman's blog is that they put effort into his shit posts. Enough that they probably count as actual posts rather than shit posts.

I’m a clown that enjoys throwing encyclopedias at people

have you reopened the wound? will you reopen the wound? when will you reopen the wound?

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

this lamb keeps trying to sacrifice itself even though no one really needs or wants it to do that

i think if you showed minecraft or fortnite to a little medieval peasant boy he would probably start writing parodies of church hymns. it’s human nature

Not all venom fans are monster fuckers 😞 some of us are just aroace disasters who like the idea of a platonic soulmate who likes to murder annoying people for you, is that so bad?

monsterqueerplatonic

Aces are welcomed and are valued members in the monsterfucker community.

This is asexual joy!