The space under my bed

I think you’re both right, actually.

See, in your case, can I make an inference that you’re pansexual? If that’s the case, one can also assume that you genuinely don’t care either way what genitalia you’ll be taking to bed. You’re all about the person, so it doesn’t matter.

But the thing is, it does matter to some people. For example, it matters to me. I’m bisexual, and depending on who I take home, I have chosen to have a sexual experience with that gender. If I take a woman home, I want and expect the person to have female genitalia. And the same goes for men. I guess the best way to look at it, I prefer to go to bed with someone who is either cis or fully transitioned. 

Now, do I think that that makes someone who is transitioning any less male or female? Of-fucking-course not. But I have expectations going into it, and if my bed partner does not inform me, then I may be expecting to have sexual relations with a woman - and all that comes with that - only to find out, when we’re already heading into the sexual act, that I will in fact be dealing with a penis and not a vagina. 

Here’s where it gets tricky. It’s wholly digusting to ask someone what’s going on between their legs. I will never get over all those journalists who think it’s a valid question when discussing someone’s transition (you all know what I’m talking about). But, at the same time, when it comes to consensual sex, a person still has the right to be fully informed going into it. As a trans person, you in no way should ever have to talk about how far into transition you are, except, I think, in this case. Sex is private and personal, and a place where people are 100% allowed to have a preference when it comes to gender and sexuality. You don’t get to take that away from them because you feel like you shouldn’t have to tell them that you have either a penis or vagina. 

If I’m taking home a lady, who is packing a dick, it’s going to be a moment of surprise for me. I’m going to react with “oh shit okay,” and that may be psychologically damaging for a transwoman. I don’t mind that she has a penis, not at all, and I’m going to probably still bed her (ayeee), but there’s that moment of “oh wait hold on, i’ve got to replan my game here for blowing her mind” haha But also, for me as a trans person? That moment of surprise? That flicker in someone’s eye, when you’re showing them all of you in the most vulnerable position, that’s damaging. This isn’t just to protect you as the person who is surprised. It’s to protect the other person as well. 

For me, personally, I will always, always always inform someone that I’m trans and I use a strap-on. I’ve told even straight men this, and some of them have been okay with it (because I’ll switch with them because I actually really love penetration). Some of them ask that I don’t use a strap on and we just have sex “normally” and some have actually gone “okay…I’m curious…let’s do this.” But you have to give them that opportunity to, so to speak, make that “game plan.” Or that look of surprise is going to hurt. 

It’s extremely important that if you know you’re going to have sex with someone, all parties need to be informed. HIV status, genital status, yes large dick status (if it’s actually extremely large because yeah that can be a huge deal breaker for a lot of people) and anything else that is vital to the the phrase of: consensual sex. I won’t get into the legal side of this (hi I’m about to be an attorney in less than a month), but there’s actually legality and consent issues. You can be sued for example, for not disclosing STI’s. Does this mean you have to tell someone IMMEDIATELY upon meeting them? Hell no! But this is to protect you and the other person. Informed sex is the best sex. Bisexuality does not mean “no sex with trans persons” (at least it doesn’t for me, fuck maybe I’m pan idk idc), it means I like whatever you identify as, male or female, whatever, i don’t care. But I still need to know what you’re packing so that I can make sure the experience is the most pleasurable for you and i don’t hurt you with my look of surprise, even when it’s not malicious, again, that game-plan is important. 

Also, I know a straight guy who’s with a trans lady who has not undergone bottom surgery and she wont. She told him in a mess of tears and you know what straight guy did? He said it didn’t matter, but he was just glad she told him so he knew what to expect. 

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Look at them! They are full of joy and bliss.