LOVER BOY!

you said a one-off thing, something akin to you saying you hated my family, or hated my being, or my very essence and joy in life. it felt like i was being punished for sharing my love. i got defensive.

i have a feeling that's why everything's felt so wrong. it was all me. i felt it right to silence myself after being told to (or implied... or maybe it was never like that at all but that was how i interpreted it). i distanced myself because i could not stand being around the person or thing that would remind me of my flaws. annoyance. clinginess. always too much or too little. never right and never enough.

but i can't be quiet about the things or people i love. my love is much stronger than the hurt that powers my hatred. i can't contain it and i can't erase it. it's just not me.

that's when i moved on from my mentality of silence and decided, "well, it's a part of me. and i can't change it. so i can only embrace it."

it has taken me a long time to be satisfied with myself. some days i'm still not. but i'll be damned if another human being takes away the thing that makes me happiest.