to whomever may be listening

Hey man, I know we don't really talk about our feelings all that much, but I had this amazing experience at the masquerade last night that I gotta get off my chest. I know you had to miss it at the last moment, but I met this amazing girl, and I feel crazy saying this because she has nothing in common with you except your general height, build, hair color, voice, and encyclopedic knowledge of bionicle, but talking with her felt so much like hanging out with you, it was like I had known her for years. I think I'm in love. Hey your face looks red, are you feeling okay?

my thing i haven’t made is so good 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Find the object that you treasure most and take it to a bridge over a busy highway. Hold it out with both hands as far as you can reach, and count the number of fingers you dare to remove from your grip. Repeat this with your second, third and fourth most valued, sentimental posessions. The resulting 4-digit code will open the safe where I keep my Yu-gi-oh! collection

unfortunately, on this platonic male outing at outback steakhouse, my partner has ordered a “blooming onion”, transforming this once casual affair into a romantic tryst

Rules as written? Yeah, I sure hope it does,

stop thinking with your dick and start thinking with your pussy. ok now stop thinking with your pussy and start thinking with your dick again. meditate on the differences between them. call me back when you get it.

lol i tricked you i actually have no soul or interiority. my actions are merely a hollow imitation of a complete being. and you totally fell for it too

had a panic attack so bad post panic attack calm felt almost the same as post orgasm calm. Makes you think

"Perhaps all pleasure is only relief" -William S Burroughs

my biggest concern with rising sea levels is that fish cosmologists might be led down a wrong and dangerous path. already i have heard rumors that their observations of an expanding ocean indicate that the ocean is not eternal, but rather began in a theoretical "Big Splash"