oh honey

to tell you the truth, it's far from what social media has been telling you. it's hard to swallow that, of course, because we have romanticized the idea of self love and we think its all face masks and nice clothes (it can be a part of it tho but that's not all of it.)

self-love is tons of breakdowns and deciding to pick yourself up and thank yourself for letting yourself feel. it's crying in the bathroom floor, thinking you can no longer get through it and choosing afterwards to wash your body well enough to make yourself feel better. bunch of failures. it's skipping that one song in your playlist that made your heartache for the longest time. screaming in your pillow. it's deciding to eat one whole meal after days of not eating well. it's you, getting off your bed in the morning instead of drowning in your social media. it's saying no when you're so use of saying yes.

it's ugly. self-love can start out ugly and uncomfortable.

with so much expectations that you put yourself into, you think love is synonymous with aesthetic. you are wrong. you are a human being who is meant to be imperfect. you are both your flaws and your beauty and what's so wrong with that?

self love is treating yourself the way you deserve to be loved. it's you not looking for it in the arms of a stranger. it's setting your boundaries right in front of those you love because you now know that loving them doesn't give them the right to treat you like shit. it's learning how to make it known for others where they should be in your life and it's not in your personal space. it's communicating what you feel so that you won't have to wait for them to decipher you and disappoint yourself when they don't. it's forgiving yourself. it's letting them walk out of your life and showing them the exit.

no!!!! that post is for general. i keep on seeing anon hates from certain blogs that's why i found the need to rant abt it.

as a matter of fact, i thank you for reading my blog posts and i love john mayer how could i find it as an anon hate. that made my heart flutter. 🥺

no offense ha but that's just so low and inappropriate. no class at all.

you have problem with certain blogger? hit them up and say it to them privately. deal with them privately, send them a message and not anonymously.

but i think i understand that most of you are just blown by the fact that most peeps that you see here in social media are perfect na when someone make even a tiniest bit of mistake, you begin to celebrate by sending them hate.

for a while, it was silence that embraced the two of us. the whisper of the wind was the only thing that has been keeping the both of us grounded to our seats.

we were too ashamed to look at each other's faces so you chose to sit beside me.

until i let the air out of my lungs, i couldn't look at you. it's hard.

"sometimes i'd like to think of it like a small hole under the ship. we both know it was there but we never decided to fix it. we let the hole pass each time thinking it was too small to sink our boat. until this small holes piled up beneath us and here we—" i couldn't finish it.

you are looking at me, i'm sure of it. but my eyes are set down the floor, i can't look back. if i did, i will have to grab you back into my arms. i can't. we shouldn't sink with this ship, you shouldn't.

"here we are, darling. a sinking ship. and we both know where it went wrong. we know all too well where it went wrong."

but we're too scared to admit it.

do not let yourself become a placeholder for anyone. LITERALLY anyone. you are not a temporary value that was appointed to a place just because it is empty. you have a place and it is not somewhere that is filled with maybe & doubt. you have a place that is meant for you.

i just watched on vodka, beers & regrets and honestly, in a romantic film, this is what i've been waiting to hear. bcos yes, you are not responsible in fixing someone, you can only support them but you can never be the cure. healing starts from within & if you try to fix them, you're just probably concealing the wound in the first place. i love how he knows all too well that he loves her but saving her was beyond his reach & so he has to point that out.

it's scary tho, how i'm so used of the pain and all of the "too much" in my life na when i reach the point of calmness, i always panic and unconciously do something to sabotage my peace.