Red Carpet interviewer swarm: Mr. Butcher! When is the divorce?
Simon: never! He's got dental insurance and im staying on that as long as i can!
Child Star that was walking by: we dont even get dental!
Interviewer: when will we learn what your mystery husband looks like?
Interviewer: have you met Simon's husband?
Co-Star: i have. Let's just say I understand why drunk Simon snatched him up before anyone else *laughs*
Interviewer: so youve gotten to know your husband for almost two years now. Are you best friends yet?
Simon: oh I could never come between a man and his best friend
Simon: seriously. The first time I met his best friend he sat me down and informed me that the only vacation i would ever take alone with Ryland would be our honeymoon. I thought he was joking about using my money to travel. He was not joking.
Simon: every few weeks i wake up to texts from either him or his spouse filled with links for possible trips. I asked Ryland if we should go somewhere for our anniversary since i wouldnt be filming at that time and he got SO SAD when he figured out i meant a trip for just the two of us.
Interviewer: where did you guys go?
Simon: next month the four of us are going to Europe
Ryland: oh come on, you can do better than that!
Simon: are you seriously judging my sex scene?
Ryland: im your husband, im allowed to.
Simon: we've never had sex!
Ryland: this is just "blah"! She's carrying this performance. Im giving you two a C+
Simon: you're GRADING IT NOW?!
Simon: Ryland could never be a house-husband. He'd go insane.
Simon, remembering stopping by to see Ryland on a science bender, functioning on sleep from 2 days ago, writing equations on the wall when he got to edge of whiteboard: yeah, no. Best not to leave him alone for too long
Interviewer: so much for the sexy trophy husband theories
Simon: hold on, i never said he wasnt hot
ellievsbear
kaledo-art
janainaart
areudirty
andulkaphoto
