i'll be better than i am

doesn’t get much more interesting than this

my dad had surgery today so he is kind of high off his pain meds and he keeps telling me “get me a ham sandwich” and i’m like “no dad we don’t eat ham.. we’re jews’ he goes “ham… ham sandwich please” “dad no no, no ham..” 

now he’s just reading from the dessert menu and my mom is telling him “your doctor said no sugar or anything too heavy…” and he’s going “this is so unfair! this is so unfair to me!”

HATE when you’re inserting your email somewhere and literally from the first letter the website is like “invalid email address” like yes i know. I’m typing it right now. My email address is obviously not just the letter ‘m’. Stop

It can become another article of clothing. Especially those that are washable. I mean, generally, I think using them is a good habit. Don't we usually want to prevent disease? This doesn't have to be a covid thing, and much less a political thing.

you’re telling me a masc king taped this?

as an ex-catholic it’s very funny to see ‘catholic convert’ in people’s bios it’s akin to running out of a burning skyscraper and passing someone heading on up to the top floor

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The IMMEDIATE change in the tone of the meow when he sees her, oh my god.

10/10 this rules