hello fitpac nation

it came as a bit of an advantage on 2b2t when he'd never missed human touch, never felt touch-deprived. at that time he didn't even realise that while other people were desperately trying to fight their urge to create a physical connection, touching someone intimately was the last thing he'd want to do. and he wouldn't say that he didn't have a few thoughts of how handsome some of his male associates were, but those thoughts were stoved into the back of his mind. after all, he couldn't do anything about it even if he wanted to.

but then he got to the quesadilla island and he'd met Q!Pac. and for the longest time he really just took him as a very important person who he enjoyed spending time with. but then pac had started flirting and fit kept spending more time with him. soon enough those feelings of adoration had turned into something deeper and fit begun having thoughts of not wanting to let go of pac for a very long time. and he still didn't think of the physical touch then, but slowly he was noticing that pac was occupying his thoughts more and more.

and then fit started thinking about the physical aspect of it. he knew this was typical for couples and that if he ever wanted to get closer to pac, it'd most likely get to that as well. but, he'd never really thought about physical touch and wasn't sure if he'd like it either. sure he was fine with holding his son's hand and using brief hand gestures to greet people. but holding pac's hand in his was something he didn't quite feel confident about.

then they started hugging. they were just simple friendly hugs, but for fit it was still a completely new experience. he was relieved to say that he didn't hate it though. even though they weren't long, he supposed that he could get used to hugging pac every day and that thought had made him a bit more confident about his feelings.

eventually, fit had made his resolve of telling pac how he felt. he trusted pac, trusted him a lot, but he also had to make sure that he was aware of what he came to do on the island. the thoughts of physical closeness went completely over his head, too preoccupied with the various possibilities of what could come out of his confession.

and then they became boyfriends.

fit wasn't exactly sure why pac wasn't trying to be more affectionate with him, he knew how often the other man casually left small touched on people, he had experienced that first-hand. being a little worried about disapponting pac, he'd decided to grab his hand one day, something he'd never done before. fit thought that it would be fine since he got used to touching pac in other ways. however, he didn't even notice pac's surprise and delight, too busy thinking how unnatural it felt to hold another person's exposed part like that. it felt different than the hug, more electrifying. it was disappointing to know that maybe he'd never find joy in holding his boyfriend's hand in his. but then he looked at pac smiling next to him and decided to keep trying.

it took fit a week, but eventually he grew used to the hand holding. he'd also decided to tell pac all about his feelings regarding touch and pac had been nothing but supportive, assuring fit that they could move at his own pace, that he didn't mind even if they didn't get as far. but fit wanted to make sure that pac was satisfied and so he kept trying to find every excuse to touch him and get used to the sensations.

then came a bigger hurdle.

fit knew that at one point he and pac would kiss, but it still felt quite intimidating to him. he wanted the moment to be perfect for pac. just like he'd planned, they shared their first kiss in a sunset. fit felt nothing from it. pac didn't push him to go further.

but they kept kissing, fit had told pac that he was okay with it. and one time, after a nice shared dinner with just the two of them, fit had felt the butterfies for the first time. suddenly he understood what pac had been describing to him. they both felt overjoyed at fit's newly discovered feeling.

when they went further, the pattern was repeated once again. they went slow, pac always leading as he had more experience, and always making sure that they didn't do anything fit felt uncomfortable with.

one night before they fell asleep, fit had asked pac about whether he'd ever regretted falling in love with a man who struggled so much with both the emotional and physical aspect of the relationship. and pac sincerely told him that he was grateful for it. because if they were to do it fast without letting them sort out their feelings, pac supposed it could end up like his past relationships. and he loved fit so much that he wouldn't have minded waiting for longer.

we know fit's red flags are related to his emotional repression, insecurities and inability to address his own feelings. but that's exactly what pac has always been mindful of.

even when they were flirting around and pac seemed to be aware that there were romantic feelings between them, he wasn't ever pushing fit to go further he was ready for. he was being patient, calling them roommates when fit did, saying they're taking baby steps after fit had mentioned it the first time. he waited for fit to confess, then waited for the proclamation that they were dating and now is probably waiting for the first kiss too. he'd made sure that the quest from quacki was only a forehead kiss even if that was never specified in her request.

that's exactly the kind of attitude fit needs before he starts coming out of his shell. because fit is the kind of person who will do anything for pac. he takes an utter importance in making sure that pac is feeling well, has got everything he needs, has a helping hand always ready and knows that he's strong even on his own. those are the kinds of prospects which pac could absolutely use to push fit's boundaries and make him do things that fit doesn't want to, but would oblige if pac asked. this is an issue that comes out of many relationships for people like fit. a lot of the time their partners don't even do it consciously, it's simply easy to fall into the habit of expecting your partner to do everything you ask if they never establish their boundaries and you never consider to read between the lines instead of taking every "yes" at a face value. but pac never does that. pac is aware that fit needs patience so he automatically assumes to wait for fit to do something first without even asking about it.

and whenever pac is acting dramatic around fit he makes it clear that he was just joking after. he doesn't do it because he wants fit to feel obligated to prove that he cares for his feelings, but because he trusts him enough to seek reassurance from him. and he does it in silly ways because neither of them (and especially fit) are too confident in having serious conversations about their real feelings. baby steps, as they say.

so no, pac isn't colourblind, he's just purchased some paint and is now working on recolouring those red flags in different shades :)

pac's love language is gift giving. we could've observed this since the day of their first unofficial date when he'd given a rose to fit, albeit the whole idea was prompted by richas. but as their relationship had progressed, pac started showing this tendency more by himself. he kept confirming to fit that he was free to come and take anything from his storage system and also seemed happier than ever when fit had given him the wand he'd accidentally broken or the trident he didn't own until that point. even during the days leading up to the the confession pac was clearly very excited about fit giving him his leftover egg quest cookies and food on multiple occasions. and of course, there was the prison when pac kept giving fit roses or food items whenever he saw him. pac loves showing people how much he loves them by giving them items which he carefully chooses. he also feels overjoyed whenever he receives anything from fit, no matter what its value is because to him those gifts are the biggest affirmation of fit's love for him. and this is where fit's problem arrises.

fit's love language are positive affirmations. of course, he always gives a lot of support to all his friends, but even more so to pac. you can watch segments of compilations which are just 10 clips of fit shouting out every possible compliment at pac during a fight. he always throws in some whenever he hears pac self-deprecating himself or whenever he gets a chance to.

and then pac throws compliments back at him and suddenly he panics and laughts it off. because fit isn't used to receiving any positive affirmations and it pulls out his instincts of guarding himself from vulnerabilities. he becomes embarrassed and shy and turns them back at pac instead of accepting them.

so why does it seem like fit spends so much time by gathering and putting thought into every gift for pac when that isn't even his main love language? insecurities.

because he loves pac more than he loves himself. so he feeds into pac's love language like the amazing partner he is, but doesn't allow himself to let pac do the same.

one thing that had really struck me yesterday was how fit had mentioned he felt bad for not having given pac better gifts than pac got for him. he sees himself unworthy of pac's love because he feels like he can't prove to both himself and pac that he's good enough for him. he's unable to admit to himself that he doesn't need to compete for pac's love and that anything he does for pac only serves to make pac fall further in love with him.

pac seems to have this automatic response of playfully punching richas and mike several times and them reciprocating whenever they're teasing each other.

but he's never done the same with fit or ramón, quite on the contrary he always takes great care to not hurt them and apologises if he does it by accident.