Hey, It's Miyu !

⋆˚⏾ 。⋆ 𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐢 — 𝒅𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊 𝒐𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒖 𝒙 𝒄𝒉𝒖𝒖𝒚𝒂 𝒏𝒂𝒌𝒂𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒂 (𝒔𝒌𝒌) ⟢ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 : dazai has always wanted to die but what happens when he takes a bullet meant for chuuya ? ⟢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : suicidal ideation, gunshot wound, blood, angst ⟢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 656 ⟢ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 not proofread (plus english isn't my first language so please be kind) ; i swore i wanted to write something happy, but skk is meant for angst ˙◠˙

"I want to die."

He always had. From the first time the thought wormed its way into his brain, it had never left. Dazai had always felt the loud call for an early tombstone, a place to stay peacefully without pain nor hurt. The craving had never dimmed : it settled somewhere deep inside him, accompanied him like a faithful dog, always right next to him. Death had never been frightening to him : he saw it as a liberation, a quiet room where nothing could reach him anymore. Not even pain.

"I want to die."

He looked down, the bullet had pierced through his shirt. Crimson droplets had pearled from his skin, to the fabric, to the ground. It didn't hurt. It just felt cold. How disappointing. If he had known being shot felt like this, he would have done it himself way sooner. It certainly would have spared him a lot of trouble. But he wanted to avoid pain so much : the physical suffering being the only thing that could bother him more than the psychological one. The only inconvenience he couldn't romanticise.

"I want to die."

His fingers drifted down to pat the spot. The void he had always felt in his chest, the emptiness he had carried for so long, had now finally taken shape. So poetic. He smirked to himself. He looked at his fingers : so thin, bloodied and … trembling ? His mind had accepted death long ago, but it seemed his body didn't get the memo.

"DAZAI !" 

Ah ... That was going to be awkward. A blur of black and red was running towards him. Chuuya. His eyes were so wide, panic laid bare across his face. He truly was adorable. If he wasn't bleeding to death, Dazai would have loved to mock him.

"W-what the fuck ?!" Chuuya dropped to his knees so hard Dazai thought it might crack the concrete. "That shot was meant for me ! Why the hell did you do that ?!" 

Why ? How dense could Chuuya possibly be ? Wasn't it obvious ? 

"I want to die." 

By the look of shock on Chuuya's face, it seemed like he had actually been able to pronounce the words out loud. It felt so exhausting. Arguing with Chuuya suddenly felt like too much work. Wait … that was new. He had never not wanted to bicker with Chuuya.

"No." Chuuya's voice cracked. "No you're not." 

Strong hands slid behind his shoulders, pulling him upright. Dazai often forgot how strong Chuuya actually is. But as his partner looked at the wound, his breath hitched, and Dazai noticed that his eyes now looked so shimmery : they caught every shard of lights around them. Beautiful. He should remember that for later … oh, right. There wouldn't be a later.

"I-… I want to die."

"I don't want you to."

The words pierced through Dazai more than the bullet had, hurting him more than the shot. Chuuya was crying. He never cried. This really was the end wasn't it ? Dazai had imagined his death countless times. Usually there would have been a beautiful woman involved. But maybe a beautiful slug wasn't such a bad substitute after all. 

"I want to …" 

Live. The realisation came quietly but so fast. So cruel. His hand reached for Chuuya's coat, but his vision was narrowing so much he couldn't see the red-hair's face anymore. He wanted to live. He wanted another argument about absolutely nothing, ending in Chuuya shouting his name across the all city. He wanted to eat cheap crab for dinner. He wanted to pick the lock of Chuuya's apartment to scare him to death just once more. He wanted to clean the mountains of empty bottles from his place. He wanted to kiss his best friend. He wanted to tell him all that. He wanted just another breath. Just one.

"Dazai … ? Oi Dazai ! D-don't ! Don't you fucking dare. Don't make me beg for you to stay… It's not funny anymore… Please. Osamu."