I'm kind of a bitch

if i ever give birth please dont tell me my baby looks just like me within the first 2 months cause i know that newborn look ugly as shit so unless you tryna square up dont speak

boy, i sure enjoy watching sports. when they throw the ball? classic

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

yea dude I drink a lot. Drink at parties all the time. yea you heard right, 9 capri suns. 9. in 45 minuets.

Ffgfdthffghh just found out my great-grandma was engaged to like 11 men during ww2 because rando guys about town kept proposing to her before enlisting and she kept saying yes because ‘well I can’t say no, they’re going to war after all’ and only wound up getting hitched to great-grandpa cause he came back to cash it in

me, while picking up worms from the sidewalk so i can put them back into the mud: a soggy boy is a happy boy

I hate when teachers leave a ’?’ when they grade my work. Like mate I dont know whats going on either.

Ooo ahh hot hot

finally an actual fucking shower thought