I do love playing volleyball. It is really exciting, when you dig a spike, had a perfect receives, scoring service aces, scoring a point and blocking an attack. The body pain, the sweat it’s all worth it. Win or lose all i really want is to enjoy the game.
It all sounds fun, but in reality no one wants to play with you when u’re starting. When u can’t hit a set, when you can’t receive a serve or even block an attack. If u’re still figuring it out, u’re nothing but a deadweight. You’re at the bottom of the pit, no one wants you. I get it, volleyball is a competitive game. Everyone wants to win, everyone wants to score a point. I also want that but it’s frustrating when you can’t. All i can do is watch everyone and think “what the hell am i doing?”
I started playing 3 yrs ago, had a nice improvement. I have a good pass, but an accident happened, broke my wrist and the bones never healed properly. So afraid to try again, i might break another bone, or i don’t know. There’s this fear i can’t shake off. You can call it trauma i guess, but to some they call it “kaartehan”. No one will get it because they don’t know it, they don’t feel it. As much as i want to go all out, i can’t. So many what ifs and doubt.
I just wish i can cheer myself as much as i cheer my friends. And someday, while i still can, i wish i can spike some and make points. But for now, i’ll just sit here on the bench, cheering my lungs out because I know the feeling when no one cheers for you.
XOXO,
Frustrated athlete
